Vote for Juan (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Episode #1.7 - full transcript
What's he doing?
Juan, what are you doing here?
I wanted to tell you something.
Yes, but...
- Don't tell us if you're not allowed.
- No, I can tell you now.
You see...
I'm leaving politics after
the primary elections.
What?
You're leaving politics?
To come back here with you both.
What's that?
Nothing, just a present
I've brought for Eva.
I know she loves them...
Will you give me a hug?
If you want to.
VOTE FOR JUAN
Basic knowledge of English.
Two years in the Department
of Environmental Affairs,
two as Chief Secretary for
the Ministry of Agriculture.
That's Juan Carrasco's, right?
I was also in the Department
of Roads for three years.
Level of English: intermediate.
- Upper-intermediate.
- Good.
Politicians who come here have very
little competence in languages.
Do many come here?
Well, not many come
to Lugo, but...
that famous one came
two or three weeks ago.
You must know him, he was
close to the president,
then he vanished.
Hang on, I think he left
me his business card.
Did Adriano come here?
Adriano Berenguer, that's right.
What happened to him?
He was the president's
right-hand man and now...
in Zaragoza, in an
international logistics company.
You aren't going to
call me, are you?
The first few months
are the worst,
until you realise it's
pretty good in a company.
I'm sorry we've nothing in
your line at the moment, but...
- I can ask around if you like.
- I didn't come to ask for a job.
Right.
Why are you here then?
Why did you leave the party?
I've had to wait, yes.
Almost eight years, Carmen.
But I knew this time
would come. I knew it.
What do you mean?
No one comes to Zaragoza
from Lugo asking for advice.
I've got what
you're looking for.
I didn't say I was
looking for something.
No, you didn't.
This could make Juan
win the primary elections.
- You want him to win?
- No.
I want the president to lose.
You owe me a favour.
- Why haven't you used it yet?
- I tried to, many times.
At first, everyone
wants to publish it,
but in the end, they prefer
institutional publicity.
We need an opportunity
like the debate.
- The primary election debate.
- Yes.
Broadcast live.
Televised.
It's the only way
no one can stop it.
How do I tell Juan?
- I'm no longer in his team.
- There's nothing more I can do.
They're in front of you. How
many photos of me are there?
All of them, I guess,
there are over twenty.
Are you doing this for Vallejo?
That hardly matters.
Is it true we've got the
president by the balls?
Yes or no?
Say you'll use it
tomorrow, Juan.
- He daren't.
- I haven't said I daren't.
- Do you dare?
- Nor have I said I dare.
Are you aware
what bringing this to
light tomorrow will mean?
It means we'll win
the primary elections.
We'll see tomorrow.
Tell me we'll win the elections,
not that we'll see tomorrow.
We'll see tomorrow.
- Hello.
- What's up?
One question.
Have you ever had
a moral problem?
- Lots.
- Really? When?
This week, I didn't know whether
to do a piercing in my vulva.
What?
- A piercing.
- Yes, but where?
In my cunt.
Where's your mum? Aren't you
going to watch the debate?
When is it on?
Forget it, forget it.
So, I bring it up at the start?
- Yes, for a powerful start.
- Give him time to defend.
At the end then, like I said.
- Yes, for a powerful end.
- If you bring it up at the end,
it'll look like a setup.
Hang on, so then,
just a minute, please.
Are you sure about
this? Yes or no?
Why say that?
It's a question.
Minister, are you all right?
- Right with what?
- I don't know,
but call me if you're not good.
That isn't a question, that's
because you're not sure.
Sure, sure, sure...
I didn't intend telling
you this, but...
It isn't the first time I've
done a dirty on the president.
To you he's the president,
but to me he's Toño.
My Constitutional Law
Professor in Salamanca.
If you insist, I'll tell you,
but it mustn't leave this room.
When Toño was my
thesis tutor, he...
he went out with
one of his pupils.
Go out as in go out, you know?
Well, he had an affair with
this "student-stroke-friend".
I can't even remember her name.
It began with an R. Anyway...
She was from Valdepeñas,
which is enough to say.
Anyway, this girl lived near to
my hall of residence.
One night, the president
had plans with his wife,
and this girl was
really pissed off.
We told her to come and
have a drink with us,
we had a few bottles
of herb liqueur.
We ended up in a real state.
Anyway, on our way home,
I kissed the
president's girlfriend
in the middle of the Main Square
in Salamanca, just to try.
Bloody hell.
We really went for it.
You should have seen us.
After a while I realised she
was giving me a hand job.
Excuse the language, but
a hand job, hand job...
The president's girlfriend. And she
was jerking me off, fucking hell.
It was eleven or ten o'clock in
the morning, beneath the clock
in the Main Square with
my pants around my ankles
in the middle of
the medieval market.
Rosa.
I remember her.
Mr. President.
I saw her two or three
years ago at a rally.
She's fine. She
lives in Cornellá now
with a boiler repairer.
She has two children.
Twins.
Lots of twins are born nowadays
with in-vitro fertilisation.
Have you noticed
there are more and more twins?
Where's my team?
I told them to wait outside.
I wanted...
I wanted to say
you're a brave man.
Through ambition or whatever, but
you've tackled the primary elections.
- Thank you.
- And I'll tell you something.
I'd leave the Moncloa without a worry
knowing that you'd take my place.
- Well...
- But I hope you don't kick me out,
because I've just
done up the bathrooms.
- I've done up all the bathrooms!
- Sure, not now.
But I want to ask
you to do something.
I want you to say
what you really think.
No communication strategies.
Go out there,
so Spain can see what I saw
the first day I taught you.
Yes, yes. You know...?
You know what I'm
thinking, Mr. President?
These years in Madrid,
I've missed you, Mr. President.
Mr. President...
Stop calling me that!
- I'm Toño to you, dammit.
- Right.
Thank you.
What did he say?
I can't.
You can't tell us what he said?
No, I can't use it.
The pen drive? You'll
use it, for sure.
No, I can't do this to Toño.
- Who's Toño?
- Don't call the president "Toño".
- He's a close friend.
- Really?
He's been playing
dirty with you.
We don't know that.
- Of course we know.
- Well, I don't want to know.
Give me that.
It hasn't broken.
Juan.
It's a sign.
Now, please,
I'd like to be alone.
You don't know
what you're doing.
Get out.
- What's the moderator's name?
- Sofía. Sofía Palacios.
She's 47, divorced,
she has a daughter.
And don't laugh
at your own jokes.
What if I send her
kisses for her little girl?
Do I say "little
girl" or "champion"?
Don't suck up to
Sofía, she's tough.
What do I do if she
goes tough on me?
- Bring out the pen drive.
- There isn't one, dammit.
So then, she likes
playing rough?
Carmen is bringing a
copy of the pen drive.
Yes, there's a copy.
I won't do that "dirty trick-stroke-
stab in the back" to a friend.
Stop saying "stroke".
I don't know where you got
it from but it's awful.
It can't be that bad
if Manolo Lama says it.
- Hi!
- Sofía.
Hi, how are you?
- Hello.
- Minister.
- Excuse me, how are you?
- Fine.
I just wanted to say
that the president is ready,
- so...
- Good.
We'll be starting
in a few minutes.
Everything to your taste?
- Perfect. What about you?
- Fine.
- Really?
- Thank you.
- You sure?
- Yes, yes.
At your ideal weight?
Yes.
I mean, my sister retained
fluids because of her thyroids.
Don't worry, my thyroids
are working perfectly.
It must be something
more serious then.
You look lovely, Sofía.
Macarena, please,
don't crawl to her. I
can't stand crawlers.
All right then...
we'll have to go on
set. In two minutes
they'll come for you.
- Look after yourself.
- Thank you.
- See you soon.
- See you soon.
I think I've won her over.
There's only one
way of winning this.
Right.
Carmen hasn't even come.
- Where the hell is Carmen?
- I don't know.
It's all well and
good, but you're not
- on the team list.
- Because I'm no longer in the team.
But I need to talk
to him right now.
Well, I'm sorry, but you're not
- crossing this line.
- What can I do?
You could talk to him and get
him to put you on the team list.
To talk to Juan, I have
to talk to Juan first?
Putting it like that in that
tone, I look like the idiot here,
- right?
- What tone?
You said it with a tone of
voice a bit... Looking to...
- She's with me.
- Of course, please.
- I heard you were in Lugo.
- Well, I'm back.
Where have you been?
Do you think Juan has a chance?
So, you have been somewhere.
Whether it's by chance,
destiny or whatever.
- What will you do if he wins?
- Carmen,
in this party, I am destiny.
- Good luck.
- This isn't a bingo hall. That way.
Do you need anything? Water?
Wipes? Anything? Tissues?
- He's going to debate, not give birth.
- Please, you two.
Everything is fine.
Toñito and I know
what we have to do.
- It's Toñito now.
- You can't go calling him Toñito.
Juan, I'm not going back to Logroño
because of someone called Toñito.
Hey, hold on.
No one's thinking of going
back to Logroño, right?
If you've considered
going back to Logroño,
which I know you haven't,
you would've called me,
I mean, when it crossed
your mind, you were wrong.
I just want to end my career
in politics on a good note.
Juan!
If you use the pen drive,
it needn't be over.
I don't want to blow the
candles out where I haven't won.
What candles?
The birthday candles.
My birthday, next year.
You didn't quite
get the metaphor...
If they had something similar,
they'd use it against you.
- Yes, but I'm not like them.
- No.
They're in the Moncloa.
Come on, who the hell are
you trying to convince?
You said on TV that the
president's wife had cancer.
What's with playing fair now?
You used your daughter when it
suited you. Shall I carry on?
You asked me to screw a
one-armed woman in Badajoz.
- Pardon?
- What?
You slept with her?
Excuse me, Minister,
we're about to start.
Perfect, perfect.
I've come from Lugo to help
you win the primary elections.
At least
put it in your pocket, so
I don't feel like a fool.
I'm sorry, team. I'll
see you in Logroño.
Five, four, three...
PRIMARY ELECTION DEBATE
Good evening, and welcome to the
first and only primary election debate
between the present
secretary general,
President Antonio
Giménez-Montaño
and the candidate to
the secretaryship,
the Minister of
Agriculture, Juan Carrasco.
We'll open the debate with the
proposals of both candidates
with regards to finance.
And, as agreed, the
debate will be opened
by the candidate, Juan Carrasco.
Minister, when you're ready,
- you may begin.
- Thank you, Rocío.
Right...
The answer is simple,
just three letters:
U. D. T.
If you could...
explain a little what
those three letters mean,
- it's caught us by surprise.
- Of course.
Urine Diversion Toilet.
In other words, to
give you an idea:
environment-friendly toilets
which separate the urine,
which are widely used in Japan
and manufactured in Logroño.
La Rioja, Spain.
Europe. Careful.
They are toilets
in which the urine
flows into a receptacle
separating it from the faeces.
It may seem nonsense
to some people,
but a very reliable, conclusive
and interesting study
carried out in Sweden
confirms the environmental
and financial benefits
of treating dry faeces as
environment-friendly fertilizer.
So, you think...
Excuse me, it's my turn
and I didn't interrupt
when you were speaking.
I haven't spoken yet.
If I may, Mr. President,
I'm sorry.
Could you explain
yourself, Mr. Carrasco?
I don't quite understand
the aims of this proposal.
Of course, well...
You know, I don't want to
spiel it all off at once but...
I'd like to say to all
Spanish men and women
that I am strongly committed
to renewable energies
or, and... and, or...
"eco-friend" energies.
I'm deeply concerned about what
we're doing with our planet.
Well, sorry, sorry.
Careful with this too...
I didn't mean to say that:
it isn't our planet, we
belong to the planet.
Sorry if I've taken you away
from what I like to call
the "comfort zone". But give
me a camera and a microphone
and that's what I'm like.
I leave no one indifferent,
excuse the saying.
There's no doubt at all.
We aren't left indifferent,
that's certainly true.
- Thank you.
- Right then...
it's over to you, Mr. President,
when you're ready.
Thank you, Sofía.
First of all, I'd like to say
that I'm so glad that
Mr. Carrasco is here today
- as candidate in the elections.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
So I can apologise to
all Spanish citizens
for having allowed
someone like Mr. Carrasco
to occupy a senior position
in my government.
Sorry...
Have you anything to
add, Mr. Carrasco?
Yes.
Yes. The greatest risk
isn't to take no risks at all.
I was referring to what
the president just said,
to the words he just set
forth, if you'd like to...
- make a comment...
- Yes, of course.
I'd like to apologise
too, Mr. President.
I'd like to...
apologise for
dreaming, you know?
For continuing to dream.
For not having lost...
Excuse me... hope in
society. I'm sorry.
Fine.
- You may continue, when you're ready.
- Well...
I'd like to clarify what I said
because it may have sounded
harsher than what it really is.
It isn't your fault, Juan.
I accept all responsibility
before the Spanish people.
Excuse me, Mr. President. It
would be "Spanish men and women".
So as not to exclude
all the housewives.
Look...
For someone like you, who is
only capable of using clichés,
to have come to occupy
the position of minister
is an indication that I
haven't done my job too well.
Perhaps I'm not
the best president
this country has had,
but I won't allow, for
a second time, stupidity
or improvisation
to occupy any place whatsoever
in Spanish politics.
You represent everything
that this country
has tried to eradicate
for centuries:
mediocrity,
lack of talent
and lack of ideas.
As I listened to you speaking
you reminded me of that
grotesque and uncivilised Spain
that threw goats from bell
towers and called it "tradition".
Yes, you'd be a wonderful mayor,
fantastic in that Spain.
But as it happens, we left
that country behind long ago.
And you and people like you still
don't seem to have realised.
Well, you all heard it.
Very clear, yet very harsh words
from the president about...
or rather against
Mr. Carrasco, more like.
I'm not sure whether, once
again, you might like to add
something to...
Right, well...
That brings this
first block to an end.
We'll move on to the
second block in the debate
which will deal with
questions of social policy
and democratic regeneration.
We'll start with...
- Before that, just a moment.
- We'll...
I'd like to share
with all Spanish men
and Spanish women...
a...
"document-stroke-scandal".
- Mr. President.
- My dear friend, how are you?
Just to confirm that
everything is sorted.
You've got the photographs?
We've reached an agreement
with her and I have her phone.
That's a weight off my
shoulders. Are they all there?
I believe so, there are
more than twenty here.
One of you in front of
the mirror, in underwear.
Another one...
of your penis.
A full-length photo by the
mirror without any underwear.
Your penis again.
Penis, penis, penis.
Penis.
Testicles?
Testicles.
Penis, penis.
Testicles without penis.
Penis, penis.
I sent them to her
as a joke, dammit!
She's taken them the wrong way.
Penis, penis, penis, penis.
Penis, penis.
Penis, penis, penis.
Penis, penis, penis, penis.
Shaved testicles.
And the front cover of a
book by Christian Gálvez.
I recommended books to her too,
but she doesn't mention that.
And naturally, we've taken her
party membership card off her.
Thanks, Luis. If I get to where I'm
hoping to get, I want you close by.
Give your wife and
kids a big kiss.
I will, we're almost
at Euro Disney.
Big hug.
Juan, what are you doing here?
I wanted to tell you something.
Yes, but...
- Don't tell us if you're not allowed.
- No, I can tell you now.
You see...
I'm leaving politics after
the primary elections.
What?
You're leaving politics?
To come back here with you both.
What's that?
Nothing, just a present
I've brought for Eva.
I know she loves them...
Will you give me a hug?
If you want to.
VOTE FOR JUAN
Basic knowledge of English.
Two years in the Department
of Environmental Affairs,
two as Chief Secretary for
the Ministry of Agriculture.
That's Juan Carrasco's, right?
I was also in the Department
of Roads for three years.
Level of English: intermediate.
- Upper-intermediate.
- Good.
Politicians who come here have very
little competence in languages.
Do many come here?
Well, not many come
to Lugo, but...
that famous one came
two or three weeks ago.
You must know him, he was
close to the president,
then he vanished.
Hang on, I think he left
me his business card.
Did Adriano come here?
Adriano Berenguer, that's right.
What happened to him?
He was the president's
right-hand man and now...
in Zaragoza, in an
international logistics company.
You aren't going to
call me, are you?
The first few months
are the worst,
until you realise it's
pretty good in a company.
I'm sorry we've nothing in
your line at the moment, but...
- I can ask around if you like.
- I didn't come to ask for a job.
Right.
Why are you here then?
Why did you leave the party?
I've had to wait, yes.
Almost eight years, Carmen.
But I knew this time
would come. I knew it.
What do you mean?
No one comes to Zaragoza
from Lugo asking for advice.
I've got what
you're looking for.
I didn't say I was
looking for something.
No, you didn't.
This could make Juan
win the primary elections.
- You want him to win?
- No.
I want the president to lose.
You owe me a favour.
- Why haven't you used it yet?
- I tried to, many times.
At first, everyone
wants to publish it,
but in the end, they prefer
institutional publicity.
We need an opportunity
like the debate.
- The primary election debate.
- Yes.
Broadcast live.
Televised.
It's the only way
no one can stop it.
How do I tell Juan?
- I'm no longer in his team.
- There's nothing more I can do.
They're in front of you. How
many photos of me are there?
All of them, I guess,
there are over twenty.
Are you doing this for Vallejo?
That hardly matters.
Is it true we've got the
president by the balls?
Yes or no?
Say you'll use it
tomorrow, Juan.
- He daren't.
- I haven't said I daren't.
- Do you dare?
- Nor have I said I dare.
Are you aware
what bringing this to
light tomorrow will mean?
It means we'll win
the primary elections.
We'll see tomorrow.
Tell me we'll win the elections,
not that we'll see tomorrow.
We'll see tomorrow.
- Hello.
- What's up?
One question.
Have you ever had
a moral problem?
- Lots.
- Really? When?
This week, I didn't know whether
to do a piercing in my vulva.
What?
- A piercing.
- Yes, but where?
In my cunt.
Where's your mum? Aren't you
going to watch the debate?
When is it on?
Forget it, forget it.
So, I bring it up at the start?
- Yes, for a powerful start.
- Give him time to defend.
At the end then, like I said.
- Yes, for a powerful end.
- If you bring it up at the end,
it'll look like a setup.
Hang on, so then,
just a minute, please.
Are you sure about
this? Yes or no?
Why say that?
It's a question.
Minister, are you all right?
- Right with what?
- I don't know,
but call me if you're not good.
That isn't a question, that's
because you're not sure.
Sure, sure, sure...
I didn't intend telling
you this, but...
It isn't the first time I've
done a dirty on the president.
To you he's the president,
but to me he's Toño.
My Constitutional Law
Professor in Salamanca.
If you insist, I'll tell you,
but it mustn't leave this room.
When Toño was my
thesis tutor, he...
he went out with
one of his pupils.
Go out as in go out, you know?
Well, he had an affair with
this "student-stroke-friend".
I can't even remember her name.
It began with an R. Anyway...
She was from Valdepeñas,
which is enough to say.
Anyway, this girl lived near to
my hall of residence.
One night, the president
had plans with his wife,
and this girl was
really pissed off.
We told her to come and
have a drink with us,
we had a few bottles
of herb liqueur.
We ended up in a real state.
Anyway, on our way home,
I kissed the
president's girlfriend
in the middle of the Main Square
in Salamanca, just to try.
Bloody hell.
We really went for it.
You should have seen us.
After a while I realised she
was giving me a hand job.
Excuse the language, but
a hand job, hand job...
The president's girlfriend. And she
was jerking me off, fucking hell.
It was eleven or ten o'clock in
the morning, beneath the clock
in the Main Square with
my pants around my ankles
in the middle of
the medieval market.
Rosa.
I remember her.
Mr. President.
I saw her two or three
years ago at a rally.
She's fine. She
lives in Cornellá now
with a boiler repairer.
She has two children.
Twins.
Lots of twins are born nowadays
with in-vitro fertilisation.
Have you noticed
there are more and more twins?
Where's my team?
I told them to wait outside.
I wanted...
I wanted to say
you're a brave man.
Through ambition or whatever, but
you've tackled the primary elections.
- Thank you.
- And I'll tell you something.
I'd leave the Moncloa without a worry
knowing that you'd take my place.
- Well...
- But I hope you don't kick me out,
because I've just
done up the bathrooms.
- I've done up all the bathrooms!
- Sure, not now.
But I want to ask
you to do something.
I want you to say
what you really think.
No communication strategies.
Go out there,
so Spain can see what I saw
the first day I taught you.
Yes, yes. You know...?
You know what I'm
thinking, Mr. President?
These years in Madrid,
I've missed you, Mr. President.
Mr. President...
Stop calling me that!
- I'm Toño to you, dammit.
- Right.
Thank you.
What did he say?
I can't.
You can't tell us what he said?
No, I can't use it.
The pen drive? You'll
use it, for sure.
No, I can't do this to Toño.
- Who's Toño?
- Don't call the president "Toño".
- He's a close friend.
- Really?
He's been playing
dirty with you.
We don't know that.
- Of course we know.
- Well, I don't want to know.
Give me that.
It hasn't broken.
Juan.
It's a sign.
Now, please,
I'd like to be alone.
You don't know
what you're doing.
Get out.
- What's the moderator's name?
- Sofía. Sofía Palacios.
She's 47, divorced,
she has a daughter.
And don't laugh
at your own jokes.
What if I send her
kisses for her little girl?
Do I say "little
girl" or "champion"?
Don't suck up to
Sofía, she's tough.
What do I do if she
goes tough on me?
- Bring out the pen drive.
- There isn't one, dammit.
So then, she likes
playing rough?
Carmen is bringing a
copy of the pen drive.
Yes, there's a copy.
I won't do that "dirty trick-stroke-
stab in the back" to a friend.
Stop saying "stroke".
I don't know where you got
it from but it's awful.
It can't be that bad
if Manolo Lama says it.
- Hi!
- Sofía.
Hi, how are you?
- Hello.
- Minister.
- Excuse me, how are you?
- Fine.
I just wanted to say
that the president is ready,
- so...
- Good.
We'll be starting
in a few minutes.
Everything to your taste?
- Perfect. What about you?
- Fine.
- Really?
- Thank you.
- You sure?
- Yes, yes.
At your ideal weight?
Yes.
I mean, my sister retained
fluids because of her thyroids.
Don't worry, my thyroids
are working perfectly.
It must be something
more serious then.
You look lovely, Sofía.
Macarena, please,
don't crawl to her. I
can't stand crawlers.
All right then...
we'll have to go on
set. In two minutes
they'll come for you.
- Look after yourself.
- Thank you.
- See you soon.
- See you soon.
I think I've won her over.
There's only one
way of winning this.
Right.
Carmen hasn't even come.
- Where the hell is Carmen?
- I don't know.
It's all well and
good, but you're not
- on the team list.
- Because I'm no longer in the team.
But I need to talk
to him right now.
Well, I'm sorry, but you're not
- crossing this line.
- What can I do?
You could talk to him and get
him to put you on the team list.
To talk to Juan, I have
to talk to Juan first?
Putting it like that in that
tone, I look like the idiot here,
- right?
- What tone?
You said it with a tone of
voice a bit... Looking to...
- She's with me.
- Of course, please.
- I heard you were in Lugo.
- Well, I'm back.
Where have you been?
Do you think Juan has a chance?
So, you have been somewhere.
Whether it's by chance,
destiny or whatever.
- What will you do if he wins?
- Carmen,
in this party, I am destiny.
- Good luck.
- This isn't a bingo hall. That way.
Do you need anything? Water?
Wipes? Anything? Tissues?
- He's going to debate, not give birth.
- Please, you two.
Everything is fine.
Toñito and I know
what we have to do.
- It's Toñito now.
- You can't go calling him Toñito.
Juan, I'm not going back to Logroño
because of someone called Toñito.
Hey, hold on.
No one's thinking of going
back to Logroño, right?
If you've considered
going back to Logroño,
which I know you haven't,
you would've called me,
I mean, when it crossed
your mind, you were wrong.
I just want to end my career
in politics on a good note.
Juan!
If you use the pen drive,
it needn't be over.
I don't want to blow the
candles out where I haven't won.
What candles?
The birthday candles.
My birthday, next year.
You didn't quite
get the metaphor...
If they had something similar,
they'd use it against you.
- Yes, but I'm not like them.
- No.
They're in the Moncloa.
Come on, who the hell are
you trying to convince?
You said on TV that the
president's wife had cancer.
What's with playing fair now?
You used your daughter when it
suited you. Shall I carry on?
You asked me to screw a
one-armed woman in Badajoz.
- Pardon?
- What?
You slept with her?
Excuse me, Minister,
we're about to start.
Perfect, perfect.
I've come from Lugo to help
you win the primary elections.
At least
put it in your pocket, so
I don't feel like a fool.
I'm sorry, team. I'll
see you in Logroño.
Five, four, three...
PRIMARY ELECTION DEBATE
Good evening, and welcome to the
first and only primary election debate
between the present
secretary general,
President Antonio
Giménez-Montaño
and the candidate to
the secretaryship,
the Minister of
Agriculture, Juan Carrasco.
We'll open the debate with the
proposals of both candidates
with regards to finance.
And, as agreed, the
debate will be opened
by the candidate, Juan Carrasco.
Minister, when you're ready,
- you may begin.
- Thank you, Rocío.
Right...
The answer is simple,
just three letters:
U. D. T.
If you could...
explain a little what
those three letters mean,
- it's caught us by surprise.
- Of course.
Urine Diversion Toilet.
In other words, to
give you an idea:
environment-friendly toilets
which separate the urine,
which are widely used in Japan
and manufactured in Logroño.
La Rioja, Spain.
Europe. Careful.
They are toilets
in which the urine
flows into a receptacle
separating it from the faeces.
It may seem nonsense
to some people,
but a very reliable, conclusive
and interesting study
carried out in Sweden
confirms the environmental
and financial benefits
of treating dry faeces as
environment-friendly fertilizer.
So, you think...
Excuse me, it's my turn
and I didn't interrupt
when you were speaking.
I haven't spoken yet.
If I may, Mr. President,
I'm sorry.
Could you explain
yourself, Mr. Carrasco?
I don't quite understand
the aims of this proposal.
Of course, well...
You know, I don't want to
spiel it all off at once but...
I'd like to say to all
Spanish men and women
that I am strongly committed
to renewable energies
or, and... and, or...
"eco-friend" energies.
I'm deeply concerned about what
we're doing with our planet.
Well, sorry, sorry.
Careful with this too...
I didn't mean to say that:
it isn't our planet, we
belong to the planet.
Sorry if I've taken you away
from what I like to call
the "comfort zone". But give
me a camera and a microphone
and that's what I'm like.
I leave no one indifferent,
excuse the saying.
There's no doubt at all.
We aren't left indifferent,
that's certainly true.
- Thank you.
- Right then...
it's over to you, Mr. President,
when you're ready.
Thank you, Sofía.
First of all, I'd like to say
that I'm so glad that
Mr. Carrasco is here today
- as candidate in the elections.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
So I can apologise to
all Spanish citizens
for having allowed
someone like Mr. Carrasco
to occupy a senior position
in my government.
Sorry...
Have you anything to
add, Mr. Carrasco?
Yes.
Yes. The greatest risk
isn't to take no risks at all.
I was referring to what
the president just said,
to the words he just set
forth, if you'd like to...
- make a comment...
- Yes, of course.
I'd like to apologise
too, Mr. President.
I'd like to...
apologise for
dreaming, you know?
For continuing to dream.
For not having lost...
Excuse me... hope in
society. I'm sorry.
Fine.
- You may continue, when you're ready.
- Well...
I'd like to clarify what I said
because it may have sounded
harsher than what it really is.
It isn't your fault, Juan.
I accept all responsibility
before the Spanish people.
Excuse me, Mr. President. It
would be "Spanish men and women".
So as not to exclude
all the housewives.
Look...
For someone like you, who is
only capable of using clichés,
to have come to occupy
the position of minister
is an indication that I
haven't done my job too well.
Perhaps I'm not
the best president
this country has had,
but I won't allow, for
a second time, stupidity
or improvisation
to occupy any place whatsoever
in Spanish politics.
You represent everything
that this country
has tried to eradicate
for centuries:
mediocrity,
lack of talent
and lack of ideas.
As I listened to you speaking
you reminded me of that
grotesque and uncivilised Spain
that threw goats from bell
towers and called it "tradition".
Yes, you'd be a wonderful mayor,
fantastic in that Spain.
But as it happens, we left
that country behind long ago.
And you and people like you still
don't seem to have realised.
Well, you all heard it.
Very clear, yet very harsh words
from the president about...
or rather against
Mr. Carrasco, more like.
I'm not sure whether, once
again, you might like to add
something to...
Right, well...
That brings this
first block to an end.
We'll move on to the
second block in the debate
which will deal with
questions of social policy
and democratic regeneration.
We'll start with...
- Before that, just a moment.
- We'll...
I'd like to share
with all Spanish men
and Spanish women...
a...
"document-stroke-scandal".
- Mr. President.
- My dear friend, how are you?
Just to confirm that
everything is sorted.
You've got the photographs?
We've reached an agreement
with her and I have her phone.
That's a weight off my
shoulders. Are they all there?
I believe so, there are
more than twenty here.
One of you in front of
the mirror, in underwear.
Another one...
of your penis.
A full-length photo by the
mirror without any underwear.
Your penis again.
Penis, penis, penis.
Penis.
Testicles?
Testicles.
Penis, penis.
Testicles without penis.
Penis, penis.
I sent them to her
as a joke, dammit!
She's taken them the wrong way.
Penis, penis, penis, penis.
Penis, penis.
Penis, penis, penis.
Penis, penis, penis, penis.
Shaved testicles.
And the front cover of a
book by Christian Gálvez.
I recommended books to her too,
but she doesn't mention that.
And naturally, we've taken her
party membership card off her.
Thanks, Luis. If I get to where I'm
hoping to get, I want you close by.
Give your wife and
kids a big kiss.
I will, we're almost
at Euro Disney.
Big hug.