Vote for Juan (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript
Don't talk about specific
ministry business,
the projects are
future projects.
The word "future" is
important. Use it a lot.
Whenever there's a gap,
I'll slip in a "future".
- Do I mention the party elections?
- No way.
We're showing them your
warm and friendly side.
The presenter is called María Isabel.
Remember that Minister, María Isabel.
I'll call her Marisa. I'll
seem friendly, won't I?
- I like it.
- You'll call her María Isabel.
- Better.
- Don't laugh at your own jokes.
Don't make jokes.
Don't laugh at them
or don't make them?
No jokes, so no laughing.
What are you cooking?
Don't worry, I've got
it all under control.
And that makes me nervous.
I make delicious broken eggs.
That sounds delicious.
You're going to make fried eggs?
No, I'm making broken eggs.
It's not the same, you've
no idea about cooking!
You may know a lot
about fluvial diversion,
but it's like saying a burger
and a steak are the same.
They are the same.
Well, maybe for you...
Yuck, what's this?
It's a healthy cooking show,
you can't make broken eggs.
Egg white is a great source of protein.
The yolk is the unhealthy part.
If you make them using only egg whites,
there's no healthier dish than that.
And the chips?
I'll remind you I
didn't want to come.
Excuse me?
Wait a second.
Listen to me.
Do you know what I've had to
do to get you on the show?
Carlos Baute was going to be on
making arepas and presenting his disc:
"Do re mi fa sol latino".
I like Carlos Baute.
I've had to call the idiot in
charge of this show so many times.
He studied with me and he only
agreed for you to go on the show
if I go out for dinner with him.
So please, don't fuck this up.
For dinner?
Yes, for dinner.
Excuse me.
Just to let you know
your family are here.
Is my daughter here too?
Should I send them in?
No, no thanks.
I'm going out now.
Didn't you know?
Of course I didn't. Paula said
she was coming by herself.
Who cares if your
daughter is here?
Eva can't be on a
healthy cooking show.
- You mean because...?
- Sorry?
Are you calling my daughter...?
- No.
- Please...
That's enough.
What are we going to do now?
This is everyone's problem.
And if you are all convinced that
she can't appear on the show,
well, I have to accept it.
My lovelies...
Hello...
What are you doing?
- I was going to give you a kiss.
- On the mouth?
I don't know...
There are no cameras...
Well...
Eva, honey. I didn't
know you were coming.
Don't you have class?
Yes, but I want to be on TV.
Well...
Well, I don't think
it's your type of show.
Why?
It's one of those shows that "old
folk" watch in the afternoon...
No-one watches it...
Who cares, I want to be on TV.
She's excited about it, Juan.
I'm more excited
about it than you are.
But I don't decide these things,
my team is in charge,
and they've decided it would be
better if it was just me and your mum.
- And why?
- Well I don't know.
You'll have to ask them,
I have other things that...
María Isabel, can we
discuss the menu...
See you in a bit.
There's no-one there.
Yeah...
It's because I'm fat, isn't it?
What?! Of course not!
So why can't I be on the show?
Macarena, can you explain it to her...
You are in charge of media coverage.
It was lovely to meet you.
It's because I'm fat, isn't it?
I don't think so.
Right?
So why can't I be on the show?
I'm sorry, my phone's ringing...
It's not ringing.
It's on vibrate.
It didn't vibrate.
Hello?
Yes, put him on the phone,
if it's that important...
Deal with them Víctor.
Don't worry, love.
I can't go on the show because
it's about healthy cooking?
Well...
But I mean, I eat salads. I
don't like them, but I eat them.
VOTE FOR JUAN
Wow, you're already
here. What a surprise!
I was just picking these
aromatic herbs from the garden.
You know how much I like them.
Just as much as I like
all of these vegetables.
Always use seasonal
produce, don't forget.
And we are going to use them to
prepare a healthy meal, like always.
Can I tell you a secret?
Our special guest today,
is personally responsible
for ensuring that all our vegetables
are grown in optimum conditions.
Isn't that right?
- Well, yes.
- Well of course.
We have with us today, Juan Carrasco
our Minister of Agriculture...
and his lovely wife,
Paula. How are you both?
- Very well thank you.
- Great.
What menu have you
prepared for us?
Fisheries and Food.
Sorry?
I'm the Minister of
Agriculture, Fisheries and Food.
- That's great, well...
- And the Environment.
Agriculture, Fisheries,
Food and the Environment.
Four. Hardly anything.
Wow.
What are you going to make?
A Vichyssoise, broken eggs,
and a cheese flan for dessert.
Mmm... that's making me hungry!
Well while we have
a little chat,
why don't we prepare
our first course.
Of course. Juan, pass
me the leeks, please.
Leeks...
Vichyssoise is a cold soup which
is perfect for this time of year.
Juan, the leeks.
The leeks, yes...
Wouldn't you prefer some
aubergine, we could innovate a bit.
For the Vichyssoise?
Leeks would be better.
I'm going to bring
you the whole basket.
You can choose what you want.
Because the real vegetable expert is
the Minister of Agriculture's wife.
And, you have a
daughter, don't you?
How old is she?
- Seventeen.
- Almost eighteen.
She hasn't come today
as she has class.
And education is
very important to us.
I'm going to start
frying the eggs.
- Are you? Already?
- Yes.
Oh, by the way.
Did you know that egg white
is a great source of protein?
It's just one of those things
I wanted to "hi-white".
- How do you turn it on. It's here, right?
- Press the "on" button.
And let's put it
on... level two?
You'll need it a bit hotter
for frying, try nine.
What does being Minister
of Agriculture involve?
I know where you're going
with this, María Isabel...
What do you mean?
Because of the elections.
Are you going to stand
in the party elections?
That's a good
question. I don't know.
- It's a possibility.
- A possibility?
If the president didn't stand for
re-election, for any reason...
Is he not going to stand?
Nothing gets past you, She's
obviously a great reporter...
No, I'm not saying there's
anything wrong with him.
I'm just saying, if there was
anything, a health problem for example,
well, I would be
willing to step up
for the good of the party.
Is the president unwell?
What's with the third degree?
She's frying me, like
I'm frying these eggs.
No... let's see...
Let's clear things up.
The president, our
president, is fighting fit.
But if anything happened
to someone close to him,
this country would
always be in good hands.
Is his wife unwell?
You are pressing me too much,
I can't give you an
answer, yes or no,
in any case, the doctors
are dealing with it.
Well now... I'm
going to fry the egg.
Juan, the oil isn't
hot enough yet.
Honey, I'm in charge
of frying the eggs.
You can cook things
on a low heat too.
Don't over exaggerate. I
don't think it was that bad.
There were very good parts.
Yes, there was that great part
when you talked about how the
president's wife is unwell.
Why the hell did you do that?
I had no intention of doing so,
but you saw how she cornered me.
This is the last time I'm going on
a show like this to be ambushed.
Vallejo won't stop calling. He
has found out what you said.
How did he find out?
Víctor, the door.
But isn't the show going
to be broadcast tomorrow?
Yes, I have no
idea how he knows.
Hasn't he called you?
No, because I left my phone at home,
to be completely focused on the show.
What will we say to Vallejo?
You have to talk to him.
I'm not dealing with this.
I can't do it now, I have
to say goodbye to my family.
Family is the most
important thing.
Thank you.
You can call him.
Well family, are you sure you
don't want to stay for dinner?
I can get some food
from the caterers.
No, Juan. What are you
doing this weekend?
- What do you mean?
- Are you coming home?
To Logroño? It's
impossible this weekend.
And what about her birthday?
- I'll be there for her birthday.
- It's this weekend.
I know that.
I'll let you know on Friday.
What are you doing?
I'm joking around.
You hurt me.
- Weren't my broken eggs good?
- I didn't try them.
- Ah, because of the diet?
- What diet?
I don't know.
Leave it, Juan.
Let's go, Eva.
Juan, it's her eighteenth.
What do you think?
That I don't want to be there
for my only daughter's birthday?
Think about me.
Don't be selfish.
Well, call me when you get
home, okay? I'll be waiting.
When you're ready.
It's so difficult having your
family so far away, it's so hard,
but it's the price us
public servants have to pay.
Our work is essential for Spain,
but being far from your loved
ones makes it an uphill struggle,
you miss them so much.
Let's go to a strip club?
I'm kidding.
But we could go for a drink.
I'm sorry, I don't think
I feel like it Minister.
Yeah...
And what if I do?
What I'm really saying,
is, if I'm going,
you'll have to come with
me, to inspect the place.
And once we are in,
it will be like we've gone
for a drink, won't it?
Come on, take me home.
Simona...
- How come you're still here?
- Here I am.
Are you okay?
I'm quite tired.
Public service is quite a
heavy load to carry, isn't it?
I was calling, but
you didn't pick up.
I think I left my
mobile here at home.
You left it, yes you left it.
Because I tried again, and it
was ringing from the bathroom.
I was so pissed off when
I heard it start ringing.
So pissed off, that I threw
your phone in the toilet...
You'll see it now, because
I didn't fetch it out.
And I've been to the loo twice.
I don't really know
where this joke is going.
It's no joke.
He really chucked
it down the loo.
Do you know what they used to do in
Equatorial Guinea until recently?
They paid huge sums for
antelope testicle skin.
You can make the best leather
from it, did you know that?
It's especially flexible skin
but it's also highly
resistant, even over time.
This thing is you need the
balls of three or four antelopes
to make a wallet out
of testicle skin.
That's what I want
when I retire, Juan,
I want my colleagues
to give me a wallet
made from the skin from your balls
and that of the three or four senators
who have been
upsetting me recently.
So every time I have to buy bread,
or give my grandchildren money,
I would have to grab your balls.
Do you get what I'm saying?
I think it's some kind of metaphor,
but I don't fully understand it.
I called the channel that
broadcasts that fucking show
to remind them that they are on
air thanks to a government grant,
and if they want to keep
broadcasting, I need a favour:
they're going to repeat
that fucking interview
so the shit that came out of your
mouth, goes right back up your arse.
You want me to
repeat the interview?
Yes.
But just from the moment
when you started talking
about the president's wife.
Say as much bullshit as you want,
but do not mention this topic.
Is that clear?
Then they'll emit it.
And I want you to know that
this is nothing personal.
I suggested to the president that
you stand for the party elections.
Did you really?
And what did he say?
He's still laughing.
Thanks for the whisky.
Very kind of you.
You're welcome.
High-end politics
is very complex.
You wouldn't get it.
Just yesterday I
was insulting him.
Your friend told me that you
want to become president.
He's not exactly my friend.
- Would you like a whisky?
- No. It's late.
You never stay for a drink.
Come on, have a drink.
Well, if you want to.
Stay.
What did you say
when he told you that
I want to be president?
- Nothing.
- Come on. You'll have said something.
It doesn't matter
who the president is.
And I'm not referring just to
you, It's the same in my country.
Politicians are only there to
give money to their friends,
for their friends'
dodgy businesses,
for their friends' "friends".
It doesn't matter.
No matter what happens,
the same guys always win.
Just a second, this
is not Romania.
I'm not from Romania.
I know, Simona. It
was just an example.
I mean, I admit that there are
some rotten apples, of course.
Some, no.
All of the fruit
shops are rotten here,
stop blaming the apples.
I work my arse off so I can
send money to my children.
And what kind of future
awaits them, Mr. Juan?
What prospects will my children
and the youth of my country have?
When you are done... You can go.
I've finished, sir.
When you have fished my phone
out of the toilet, I mean.
It will only take a minute.
Víctor, I have decided to re-do
the interview from yesterday.
I think I might
not have been wise
to discuss the president's
wife's illness.
My bad.
Self-criticism.
Very good.
Am I right?
It's a relief.
Is it?
Well, no.
I don't know.
You have to call my wife.
Get her to come to Madrid,
wearing the same thing.
The rest of the
interview was perfect.
And the part about the illness was
too, but maybe in a different context.
Don't worry, champ.
Maca!
We are going to repeat
part of the interview
The whole illness thing...
I've been thinking about it, and
I'm not completely convinced by it.
And how are we going
to manage this?
I've already spoken to the guys at
the TV show and it's all sorted.
I was a bit aggressive.
Not as aggressive as the tumour the
president's wife must have, but...
Are you wearing
the same clothes?
With the guy from
your university?
But you called him an idiot.
You know when you are feeling so low
that you'd fuck anyone with a pulse?
I thought they were going
to force your resignation
and that everything we've ever
done was going to go to shit.
I don't know, we've got through tough
times before, and we've never...
Juan, I imagined us having
to go back to Logroño.
Be careful.
I promised you that we would
never have to go back to Logroño.
Do you know what I'll do?
Do you want me to tell you?
It can't be worse than
what you said yesterday.
That's it.
We can't go on like this, Juan.
Paula, If I want to fight
to become president,
things like this
are going to happen.
- So you are being serious?
- About what?
About being president.
Well obviously.
But president of the Government?
Yes, what else would
I be president of?
I really don't believe this...
You heard I was going to
stand for the party election.
- When?
- Soon love, soon.
But without your support, it
will be difficult for dad.
Excuse me.
María Isabel. Thank
you once again.
I understand that this is
quite an effort for you,
but it's all about doing
a better show, isn't it?
More like, avoiding
us all getting fired.
Isn't that right?
Well, thanks anyways, and please
thank the rest of your team.
Okay everyone, let's get on with
it, we all have a lot to do.
María Isabel, in
the middle, please.
Minister, to the
left of María Isabel.
Madam, you're perfect there.
You're going to ask him
about his role as minister.
Excuse me, what do I do?
You can just cut leeks.
Are you ready?
Five, four, three...
What does being Minister of
Agriculture actually involve?
Well, I'm going to
say one thing...
many might think it was about
securing the grain treaty in 2016,
or negotiating the CAP...
But I would like to think that my
job isn't limited to just that.
And I mean the grain treaty
led to two thousand
million in exports,
I have to mention that.
But for me, it is so
much more than that.
Should I give you an example?
Eva, can you come here?
Come on, don't be shy.
I know you don't like these
kinds of things, but come on.
María Isabel, this is Eva.
She is a very special
girl, who I just met today,
and a little bird told me it's her
birthday on Saturday, is that right?
- On Friday.
- Happy birthday, Eva!
The problem with politics in this
country, Eva, María Isabel, Paula,
isn't just two rotten apples,
it's that the whole
fruit shop is rotten.
From top to bottom.
From the fruit seller
to the last melon.
- Marisa, can I call you Marisa?
- I'd rather you didn't...
You might wonder why I
got involved in politics.
- No.
- Well I'm going to tell you.
Juan Carrasco is in
politics for Eva's future,
for the future of all of the
young people in this country.
For their tomorrow.
For them, and for her.
And now I'm going to make
my famous broken eggs.
But not without first giving
you a piece of advice.
When frying eggs, always make
sure your olive oil is piping hot.
Yes, I'll tell him, mum.
Okay, love you, bye.
The show just finished. My
mum absolutely loved it.
- Everyone loved it at home.
- That's great.
No, Vallejo, no.
Juan did not call the
president a rotten apple,
he said that all of the
fruit shops were rotten.
Wait, it wasn't me that said it,
tell him to go fuck himself, not me.
Vallejo just told you
to go fuck yourself.
Yeah, but how did he say it?
Tell him it's doing
great on Twitter.
Really?
And what are the
saying? Let's see...
"Finally someone is calling
things like they are".
Juan Carrasco!
Another says "calling
a spade a spade".
Ah no, wait it's the same guy,
he's published two tweets.
I don't care if it's the same guy,
if he has been moved by my words.
Even if it's a populist message,
it's a great way to
start the elections.
It's not populist, the
people want to hear this.
That's what populism is.
Look, there's one with
thirty retweets already.
It's our record.
Our condolences for the child's
death had more retweets.
Yeah, but excluding dead children,
it's our most shared tweet, isn't it?
It's Vallejo again.
Vallejo.
Thirty one now!
- That was me, Minister.
- Thank you.
We've got to toast this.
I'll say bye to my family and we
can go for a few gin and tonics.
I'm not going out.
It's hardly "going
out", It's one drink...
I've got to slow down a bit.
And you have to
slow down, today?
Minister, my mum's prepared dinner
at home, I told her I'd be there.
- But you can come with me.
- Another day, I'm very busy today.
Anyways, they're waiting for me.
Why didn't you say
I'm your daughter?
For security reasons.
Why else would it be?
Terrorism, kidnappings...
You could suffer collateral damage
for being a public servant's daughter.
I love you too much.
So are you coming
for my birthday?
If you say that you want to
celebrate it in Moncloa next year,
I have to stay working.
I didn't say that.
It was a manner of speech.
Come on, Eva.
I love you, baby.
So you aren't coming, are you?
Please, don't try and
blackmail me more.
Please, no more blackmail.
I do what I can.
Look after her.
- Give me a kiss.
- What?
- Give me a kiss.
- Leave me alone, Juan.
Open the door.
- Don't be silly, give me a kiss.
- I said, open the door.
Look after her.
When you wish, boss.
Safe journey.
Minister, straight home, right?
No, we're going
to the outskirts.
If you want to go for a drink can
we go somewhere in the centre?
My sister-in-law
is unwell at home.
No, really. I want you to
take me to the outskirts.
Tell those two to go home.
It's just us tonight.
And I told them
everything we'd planned,
about the bad fruit
shops, and all of that.
And they really liked it.
- I've been retweeted thirty three times.
- Wow.
And there will be more.
- And are you going to do something?
- What?
Well, of course. Yes, yes.
Interviews with the El
País and ABC newspapers...
My phone keeps ringing, with
people wanting interviews.
Well, not this one.
My calls are filtered.
I mean my head of press's phone,
it hasn't stopped ringing.
I'm going to do big things.
You might even see me "having
fun" on the El Hormiguero show.
Mate! the bill.
It was all delicious.
But I mean what we talked
about, the rotten politicians.
Will you do anything?
Fuck, of course.
I'm going to close the rotten
fruit shop, and I'll open another.
A new one, that's not
rotten, that's clean.
But to do this, I have to be
the boss of the fruit shops.
I don't know if you are able
to understand the metaphor.
- Yes.
- Well?
I understand.
19.50.
Wait.
Well, give me five Euros.
And I'll use two of
my food vouchers,
I always have loads
left over, you see.
- I have a ten.
- Well ten is fine.
- I've got to go.
- Very good, Simona.
See you tomorrow.
Mate.
You've earned it. It
was all delicious.
Keep the change.
Pascual, why you
didn't eat your tapa?
I'm celiac.
Shitty luck.
ministry business,
the projects are
future projects.
The word "future" is
important. Use it a lot.
Whenever there's a gap,
I'll slip in a "future".
- Do I mention the party elections?
- No way.
We're showing them your
warm and friendly side.
The presenter is called María Isabel.
Remember that Minister, María Isabel.
I'll call her Marisa. I'll
seem friendly, won't I?
- I like it.
- You'll call her María Isabel.
- Better.
- Don't laugh at your own jokes.
Don't make jokes.
Don't laugh at them
or don't make them?
No jokes, so no laughing.
What are you cooking?
Don't worry, I've got
it all under control.
And that makes me nervous.
I make delicious broken eggs.
That sounds delicious.
You're going to make fried eggs?
No, I'm making broken eggs.
It's not the same, you've
no idea about cooking!
You may know a lot
about fluvial diversion,
but it's like saying a burger
and a steak are the same.
They are the same.
Well, maybe for you...
Yuck, what's this?
It's a healthy cooking show,
you can't make broken eggs.
Egg white is a great source of protein.
The yolk is the unhealthy part.
If you make them using only egg whites,
there's no healthier dish than that.
And the chips?
I'll remind you I
didn't want to come.
Excuse me?
Wait a second.
Listen to me.
Do you know what I've had to
do to get you on the show?
Carlos Baute was going to be on
making arepas and presenting his disc:
"Do re mi fa sol latino".
I like Carlos Baute.
I've had to call the idiot in
charge of this show so many times.
He studied with me and he only
agreed for you to go on the show
if I go out for dinner with him.
So please, don't fuck this up.
For dinner?
Yes, for dinner.
Excuse me.
Just to let you know
your family are here.
Is my daughter here too?
Should I send them in?
No, no thanks.
I'm going out now.
Didn't you know?
Of course I didn't. Paula said
she was coming by herself.
Who cares if your
daughter is here?
Eva can't be on a
healthy cooking show.
- You mean because...?
- Sorry?
Are you calling my daughter...?
- No.
- Please...
That's enough.
What are we going to do now?
This is everyone's problem.
And if you are all convinced that
she can't appear on the show,
well, I have to accept it.
My lovelies...
Hello...
What are you doing?
- I was going to give you a kiss.
- On the mouth?
I don't know...
There are no cameras...
Well...
Eva, honey. I didn't
know you were coming.
Don't you have class?
Yes, but I want to be on TV.
Well...
Well, I don't think
it's your type of show.
Why?
It's one of those shows that "old
folk" watch in the afternoon...
No-one watches it...
Who cares, I want to be on TV.
She's excited about it, Juan.
I'm more excited
about it than you are.
But I don't decide these things,
my team is in charge,
and they've decided it would be
better if it was just me and your mum.
- And why?
- Well I don't know.
You'll have to ask them,
I have other things that...
María Isabel, can we
discuss the menu...
See you in a bit.
There's no-one there.
Yeah...
It's because I'm fat, isn't it?
What?! Of course not!
So why can't I be on the show?
Macarena, can you explain it to her...
You are in charge of media coverage.
It was lovely to meet you.
It's because I'm fat, isn't it?
I don't think so.
Right?
So why can't I be on the show?
I'm sorry, my phone's ringing...
It's not ringing.
It's on vibrate.
It didn't vibrate.
Hello?
Yes, put him on the phone,
if it's that important...
Deal with them Víctor.
Don't worry, love.
I can't go on the show because
it's about healthy cooking?
Well...
But I mean, I eat salads. I
don't like them, but I eat them.
VOTE FOR JUAN
Wow, you're already
here. What a surprise!
I was just picking these
aromatic herbs from the garden.
You know how much I like them.
Just as much as I like
all of these vegetables.
Always use seasonal
produce, don't forget.
And we are going to use them to
prepare a healthy meal, like always.
Can I tell you a secret?
Our special guest today,
is personally responsible
for ensuring that all our vegetables
are grown in optimum conditions.
Isn't that right?
- Well, yes.
- Well of course.
We have with us today, Juan Carrasco
our Minister of Agriculture...
and his lovely wife,
Paula. How are you both?
- Very well thank you.
- Great.
What menu have you
prepared for us?
Fisheries and Food.
Sorry?
I'm the Minister of
Agriculture, Fisheries and Food.
- That's great, well...
- And the Environment.
Agriculture, Fisheries,
Food and the Environment.
Four. Hardly anything.
Wow.
What are you going to make?
A Vichyssoise, broken eggs,
and a cheese flan for dessert.
Mmm... that's making me hungry!
Well while we have
a little chat,
why don't we prepare
our first course.
Of course. Juan, pass
me the leeks, please.
Leeks...
Vichyssoise is a cold soup which
is perfect for this time of year.
Juan, the leeks.
The leeks, yes...
Wouldn't you prefer some
aubergine, we could innovate a bit.
For the Vichyssoise?
Leeks would be better.
I'm going to bring
you the whole basket.
You can choose what you want.
Because the real vegetable expert is
the Minister of Agriculture's wife.
And, you have a
daughter, don't you?
How old is she?
- Seventeen.
- Almost eighteen.
She hasn't come today
as she has class.
And education is
very important to us.
I'm going to start
frying the eggs.
- Are you? Already?
- Yes.
Oh, by the way.
Did you know that egg white
is a great source of protein?
It's just one of those things
I wanted to "hi-white".
- How do you turn it on. It's here, right?
- Press the "on" button.
And let's put it
on... level two?
You'll need it a bit hotter
for frying, try nine.
What does being Minister
of Agriculture involve?
I know where you're going
with this, María Isabel...
What do you mean?
Because of the elections.
Are you going to stand
in the party elections?
That's a good
question. I don't know.
- It's a possibility.
- A possibility?
If the president didn't stand for
re-election, for any reason...
Is he not going to stand?
Nothing gets past you, She's
obviously a great reporter...
No, I'm not saying there's
anything wrong with him.
I'm just saying, if there was
anything, a health problem for example,
well, I would be
willing to step up
for the good of the party.
Is the president unwell?
What's with the third degree?
She's frying me, like
I'm frying these eggs.
No... let's see...
Let's clear things up.
The president, our
president, is fighting fit.
But if anything happened
to someone close to him,
this country would
always be in good hands.
Is his wife unwell?
You are pressing me too much,
I can't give you an
answer, yes or no,
in any case, the doctors
are dealing with it.
Well now... I'm
going to fry the egg.
Juan, the oil isn't
hot enough yet.
Honey, I'm in charge
of frying the eggs.
You can cook things
on a low heat too.
Don't over exaggerate. I
don't think it was that bad.
There were very good parts.
Yes, there was that great part
when you talked about how the
president's wife is unwell.
Why the hell did you do that?
I had no intention of doing so,
but you saw how she cornered me.
This is the last time I'm going on
a show like this to be ambushed.
Vallejo won't stop calling. He
has found out what you said.
How did he find out?
Víctor, the door.
But isn't the show going
to be broadcast tomorrow?
Yes, I have no
idea how he knows.
Hasn't he called you?
No, because I left my phone at home,
to be completely focused on the show.
What will we say to Vallejo?
You have to talk to him.
I'm not dealing with this.
I can't do it now, I have
to say goodbye to my family.
Family is the most
important thing.
Thank you.
You can call him.
Well family, are you sure you
don't want to stay for dinner?
I can get some food
from the caterers.
No, Juan. What are you
doing this weekend?
- What do you mean?
- Are you coming home?
To Logroño? It's
impossible this weekend.
And what about her birthday?
- I'll be there for her birthday.
- It's this weekend.
I know that.
I'll let you know on Friday.
What are you doing?
I'm joking around.
You hurt me.
- Weren't my broken eggs good?
- I didn't try them.
- Ah, because of the diet?
- What diet?
I don't know.
Leave it, Juan.
Let's go, Eva.
Juan, it's her eighteenth.
What do you think?
That I don't want to be there
for my only daughter's birthday?
Think about me.
Don't be selfish.
Well, call me when you get
home, okay? I'll be waiting.
When you're ready.
It's so difficult having your
family so far away, it's so hard,
but it's the price us
public servants have to pay.
Our work is essential for Spain,
but being far from your loved
ones makes it an uphill struggle,
you miss them so much.
Let's go to a strip club?
I'm kidding.
But we could go for a drink.
I'm sorry, I don't think
I feel like it Minister.
Yeah...
And what if I do?
What I'm really saying,
is, if I'm going,
you'll have to come with
me, to inspect the place.
And once we are in,
it will be like we've gone
for a drink, won't it?
Come on, take me home.
Simona...
- How come you're still here?
- Here I am.
Are you okay?
I'm quite tired.
Public service is quite a
heavy load to carry, isn't it?
I was calling, but
you didn't pick up.
I think I left my
mobile here at home.
You left it, yes you left it.
Because I tried again, and it
was ringing from the bathroom.
I was so pissed off when
I heard it start ringing.
So pissed off, that I threw
your phone in the toilet...
You'll see it now, because
I didn't fetch it out.
And I've been to the loo twice.
I don't really know
where this joke is going.
It's no joke.
He really chucked
it down the loo.
Do you know what they used to do in
Equatorial Guinea until recently?
They paid huge sums for
antelope testicle skin.
You can make the best leather
from it, did you know that?
It's especially flexible skin
but it's also highly
resistant, even over time.
This thing is you need the
balls of three or four antelopes
to make a wallet out
of testicle skin.
That's what I want
when I retire, Juan,
I want my colleagues
to give me a wallet
made from the skin from your balls
and that of the three or four senators
who have been
upsetting me recently.
So every time I have to buy bread,
or give my grandchildren money,
I would have to grab your balls.
Do you get what I'm saying?
I think it's some kind of metaphor,
but I don't fully understand it.
I called the channel that
broadcasts that fucking show
to remind them that they are on
air thanks to a government grant,
and if they want to keep
broadcasting, I need a favour:
they're going to repeat
that fucking interview
so the shit that came out of your
mouth, goes right back up your arse.
You want me to
repeat the interview?
Yes.
But just from the moment
when you started talking
about the president's wife.
Say as much bullshit as you want,
but do not mention this topic.
Is that clear?
Then they'll emit it.
And I want you to know that
this is nothing personal.
I suggested to the president that
you stand for the party elections.
Did you really?
And what did he say?
He's still laughing.
Thanks for the whisky.
Very kind of you.
You're welcome.
High-end politics
is very complex.
You wouldn't get it.
Just yesterday I
was insulting him.
Your friend told me that you
want to become president.
He's not exactly my friend.
- Would you like a whisky?
- No. It's late.
You never stay for a drink.
Come on, have a drink.
Well, if you want to.
Stay.
What did you say
when he told you that
I want to be president?
- Nothing.
- Come on. You'll have said something.
It doesn't matter
who the president is.
And I'm not referring just to
you, It's the same in my country.
Politicians are only there to
give money to their friends,
for their friends'
dodgy businesses,
for their friends' "friends".
It doesn't matter.
No matter what happens,
the same guys always win.
Just a second, this
is not Romania.
I'm not from Romania.
I know, Simona. It
was just an example.
I mean, I admit that there are
some rotten apples, of course.
Some, no.
All of the fruit
shops are rotten here,
stop blaming the apples.
I work my arse off so I can
send money to my children.
And what kind of future
awaits them, Mr. Juan?
What prospects will my children
and the youth of my country have?
When you are done... You can go.
I've finished, sir.
When you have fished my phone
out of the toilet, I mean.
It will only take a minute.
Víctor, I have decided to re-do
the interview from yesterday.
I think I might
not have been wise
to discuss the president's
wife's illness.
My bad.
Self-criticism.
Very good.
Am I right?
It's a relief.
Is it?
Well, no.
I don't know.
You have to call my wife.
Get her to come to Madrid,
wearing the same thing.
The rest of the
interview was perfect.
And the part about the illness was
too, but maybe in a different context.
Don't worry, champ.
Maca!
We are going to repeat
part of the interview
The whole illness thing...
I've been thinking about it, and
I'm not completely convinced by it.
And how are we going
to manage this?
I've already spoken to the guys at
the TV show and it's all sorted.
I was a bit aggressive.
Not as aggressive as the tumour the
president's wife must have, but...
Are you wearing
the same clothes?
With the guy from
your university?
But you called him an idiot.
You know when you are feeling so low
that you'd fuck anyone with a pulse?
I thought they were going
to force your resignation
and that everything we've ever
done was going to go to shit.
I don't know, we've got through tough
times before, and we've never...
Juan, I imagined us having
to go back to Logroño.
Be careful.
I promised you that we would
never have to go back to Logroño.
Do you know what I'll do?
Do you want me to tell you?
It can't be worse than
what you said yesterday.
That's it.
We can't go on like this, Juan.
Paula, If I want to fight
to become president,
things like this
are going to happen.
- So you are being serious?
- About what?
About being president.
Well obviously.
But president of the Government?
Yes, what else would
I be president of?
I really don't believe this...
You heard I was going to
stand for the party election.
- When?
- Soon love, soon.
But without your support, it
will be difficult for dad.
Excuse me.
María Isabel. Thank
you once again.
I understand that this is
quite an effort for you,
but it's all about doing
a better show, isn't it?
More like, avoiding
us all getting fired.
Isn't that right?
Well, thanks anyways, and please
thank the rest of your team.
Okay everyone, let's get on with
it, we all have a lot to do.
María Isabel, in
the middle, please.
Minister, to the
left of María Isabel.
Madam, you're perfect there.
You're going to ask him
about his role as minister.
Excuse me, what do I do?
You can just cut leeks.
Are you ready?
Five, four, three...
What does being Minister of
Agriculture actually involve?
Well, I'm going to
say one thing...
many might think it was about
securing the grain treaty in 2016,
or negotiating the CAP...
But I would like to think that my
job isn't limited to just that.
And I mean the grain treaty
led to two thousand
million in exports,
I have to mention that.
But for me, it is so
much more than that.
Should I give you an example?
Eva, can you come here?
Come on, don't be shy.
I know you don't like these
kinds of things, but come on.
María Isabel, this is Eva.
She is a very special
girl, who I just met today,
and a little bird told me it's her
birthday on Saturday, is that right?
- On Friday.
- Happy birthday, Eva!
The problem with politics in this
country, Eva, María Isabel, Paula,
isn't just two rotten apples,
it's that the whole
fruit shop is rotten.
From top to bottom.
From the fruit seller
to the last melon.
- Marisa, can I call you Marisa?
- I'd rather you didn't...
You might wonder why I
got involved in politics.
- No.
- Well I'm going to tell you.
Juan Carrasco is in
politics for Eva's future,
for the future of all of the
young people in this country.
For their tomorrow.
For them, and for her.
And now I'm going to make
my famous broken eggs.
But not without first giving
you a piece of advice.
When frying eggs, always make
sure your olive oil is piping hot.
Yes, I'll tell him, mum.
Okay, love you, bye.
The show just finished. My
mum absolutely loved it.
- Everyone loved it at home.
- That's great.
No, Vallejo, no.
Juan did not call the
president a rotten apple,
he said that all of the
fruit shops were rotten.
Wait, it wasn't me that said it,
tell him to go fuck himself, not me.
Vallejo just told you
to go fuck yourself.
Yeah, but how did he say it?
Tell him it's doing
great on Twitter.
Really?
And what are the
saying? Let's see...
"Finally someone is calling
things like they are".
Juan Carrasco!
Another says "calling
a spade a spade".
Ah no, wait it's the same guy,
he's published two tweets.
I don't care if it's the same guy,
if he has been moved by my words.
Even if it's a populist message,
it's a great way to
start the elections.
It's not populist, the
people want to hear this.
That's what populism is.
Look, there's one with
thirty retweets already.
It's our record.
Our condolences for the child's
death had more retweets.
Yeah, but excluding dead children,
it's our most shared tweet, isn't it?
It's Vallejo again.
Vallejo.
Thirty one now!
- That was me, Minister.
- Thank you.
We've got to toast this.
I'll say bye to my family and we
can go for a few gin and tonics.
I'm not going out.
It's hardly "going
out", It's one drink...
I've got to slow down a bit.
And you have to
slow down, today?
Minister, my mum's prepared dinner
at home, I told her I'd be there.
- But you can come with me.
- Another day, I'm very busy today.
Anyways, they're waiting for me.
Why didn't you say
I'm your daughter?
For security reasons.
Why else would it be?
Terrorism, kidnappings...
You could suffer collateral damage
for being a public servant's daughter.
I love you too much.
So are you coming
for my birthday?
If you say that you want to
celebrate it in Moncloa next year,
I have to stay working.
I didn't say that.
It was a manner of speech.
Come on, Eva.
I love you, baby.
So you aren't coming, are you?
Please, don't try and
blackmail me more.
Please, no more blackmail.
I do what I can.
Look after her.
- Give me a kiss.
- What?
- Give me a kiss.
- Leave me alone, Juan.
Open the door.
- Don't be silly, give me a kiss.
- I said, open the door.
Look after her.
When you wish, boss.
Safe journey.
Minister, straight home, right?
No, we're going
to the outskirts.
If you want to go for a drink can
we go somewhere in the centre?
My sister-in-law
is unwell at home.
No, really. I want you to
take me to the outskirts.
Tell those two to go home.
It's just us tonight.
And I told them
everything we'd planned,
about the bad fruit
shops, and all of that.
And they really liked it.
- I've been retweeted thirty three times.
- Wow.
And there will be more.
- And are you going to do something?
- What?
Well, of course. Yes, yes.
Interviews with the El
País and ABC newspapers...
My phone keeps ringing, with
people wanting interviews.
Well, not this one.
My calls are filtered.
I mean my head of press's phone,
it hasn't stopped ringing.
I'm going to do big things.
You might even see me "having
fun" on the El Hormiguero show.
Mate! the bill.
It was all delicious.
But I mean what we talked
about, the rotten politicians.
Will you do anything?
Fuck, of course.
I'm going to close the rotten
fruit shop, and I'll open another.
A new one, that's not
rotten, that's clean.
But to do this, I have to be
the boss of the fruit shops.
I don't know if you are able
to understand the metaphor.
- Yes.
- Well?
I understand.
19.50.
Wait.
Well, give me five Euros.
And I'll use two of
my food vouchers,
I always have loads
left over, you see.
- I have a ten.
- Well ten is fine.
- I've got to go.
- Very good, Simona.
See you tomorrow.
Mate.
You've earned it. It
was all delicious.
Keep the change.
Pascual, why you
didn't eat your tapa?
I'm celiac.
Shitty luck.