Vinyl (2016): Season 1, Episode 7 - The King and I - full transcript

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

All night long

Hey, now, now,
now, now

Hey, little baby

You been on my mind

Look in my dreams

Your taste
is all I find

Hey, now, darling

Where you stay out
all night long

I wanna tell you

You know
your daddy's home



All night long

Whoo

All night long

CECE: (DISTANT) Richie.

Richie.

Richie.

Richie.

You want me to get rid of all of this?

Yeah.

MARVIN: Shit, maybe boss is on the wagon.

It look like Christmas up in here. Come on.

Hey, guys, which one?

The Allmans.

SKIP: Spare me the Russian novel.



SCOTT: What if we put a moratorium on
appetizers or set some parameters?

ZAK: No, the bleeding stops now.

SKIP: Your Diners Club card, let's go.

Ante up, boss. No one's exempt.

What are you telling me? lt was my idea.

- All right, take it easy.
- SCOTT: Richie, artists,

program directors expect some,
some wining and dining.

Guys, the job is still the job.

Okay, except now we submit receipts
which will be vetted.

So, before Julie sends a third bottle of Dom

to Jose fucking Feliciano,

you ask yourself if you'd be okay
paying out of pocket.

Act British, spend Yiddish.

Good news is, thanks to some difficult cuts,

payroll's down to 33,000 a month,

which we're still not gonna make.

Uh, no, wait.

- No, definitely won't.
- Fuck!

- Losing Hannibal fucked us.
- Put down your pearls, for Christ's sake.

Hey, we're about to turn a corner.

That's exactly what
the Nazis told my Uncle Isaac.

Showers right around the corner.

Fuck Hannibal. He's next year's Stan Free.

We're running lean, guys, hungry.

That's what we want to be.

Mission accomplished.

Okay, let's figure out how to pay our serfs.

Richie's apartment.

Now he's got a fucking abacus.

Okay, first of all, it's a company apartment.

That's funny. I never get to stay there.

I'm out six nights a week, all hours.

- How much is it?
-1,100 a month.

If that breaks us, we deserve to break.

The plane.

- Lou Meshejian.
- SKIP: Newville Records?

Yeah, wants to buy. 470,000.

He assumes the payments on the loan,
we net 90 grand.

- That's three months' payroll.
- Yep, just about.

- Cash, too.
- What's the catch?

Got to be now.

- As in?
- As in today.

SKIP: How long have you known about this?

- He's looking at other options.
- At least there's no rush.

Okay, great, listen, I'll draw up a contract.

Don't want to be liable
if the plane crashes or blows up.

- What the fuck you saying?
- What is wrong with you?

- All right, relax.
- Just draw up a simple bill of sale, okay?

- Jesus Christ.
- I'll go, make the deal face-to-face.

You're gonna go?

What, you got nothing better to do
around here?

Lou knows me.

If he balks, I can close him.

Oh, yeah.

Look, I want to clear my head. ls that okay?

Six-hour plane ride. No phone calls.

You can't live without me for a day?

-I'm...
-(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Yikes, did I miss anything?

How could you miss anything
at a partners meeting?

Aw, Skip. What's the buy-in?

I'll go get my change purse.

(LAUGHS)

Focus is playing Wollman next week.

Yodeling fans rejoice.

Their Hocus Pocus is hanging

by bloody fingernails to just south of 40.

That's pretty good for us.

Get a pop on it.

Let me write that down.

-"Get a pop on it."
-(ALL LAUGHING)

- Who still talks like that?
- SCOTT: This fucking guy.

Somebody drank their Tang this morning.

Can I sic Corso on ABC?

Use somebody else.

Corso's on another thing.

What? We don't got bread to spread around.

Corso's perfect.
He goes in, he does the Magilla Gorilla thing.

It's Top 40, done.

You know what?

Fine. Whatever.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

As you were, gentlemen.

Hey, uh, the whole gorilla thing,

that just stays with us, right?

I'll make a note of it on the way
to pick up your panty shields.

- Oh!
- She's a regular Phyllis Diller, that one.

(LAUGHTER)

I'm coming with you.

You hate LA.

I hate everywhere.

SCOTT: Where's breakfast?

ZAK: Where the fuck is Clark with the donuts?

- Or did we cut those, too?
- SKIP: Wouldn't surprise me.

You don't need a donut.

(SINGING) I bought a '34 wagon
and we call it a woodie

Surf City, here we come

You know it's not very cherry

It's an oldie but a goody

Surf City, here we come

Well, it ain't got
a back seat or a rear window

But it still gets me where I want to go

We're going to Surf City
'cause it's two to one

We're going to Surf City,
gonna have some fun...

You realize Jim Morrison had
his last three-way on this plane?

Far as I know.

So, Devon, huh?

Still no call?

No, she calls plenty.

She calls the accountant, calls the lawyer.

Hmm.

Well, not like you can blame her.

(SIGHS)

You're gonna read?

One can't undo a perception
once perceived, Zak.

Does it say how you can get un-fucked?

'Cause I'd like to be un-fucked by you, huh?

Can you tell me when you get to that chapter?

One day. One day, huh?

Couldn't keep it together for one day.

My daughter's Bat Mitzvah.

You know, I'm big enough to say I'm sorry.

On... (SCOFFS)

You passed sorry a month ago.

We're in the donating an organ
phase of contrition.

You're not the only one going through things.

Right, well, at least
we share a common enemy.

Okay, you know what?

Who the fuck are you, Oliver Twist?

I mean, between the fucking whining
about the money...

Oh, yeah, yeah, because my kids
and the whole, "We want to eat, Dad."

- They're such assholes.
- Bullshit!

How much you drop on that party, huh?
Thirty grand? Fifty?

How much flake did you snort last week, huh?

I'm off the shit, okay?

Right, right. Well, what time is it?

This, Zak, this is how
people get their noses broken.

I'm just putting it out there in the universe.

You sucker-punched me.

Which, by the way, that should be

the title of my memoir
about working with you.

You want to bust my scrote,
Why'd you come on this trip?

Because you're an infant, Richie.

I'd trust my wife naked in bed
with Burt Reynolds

before I'd trust you with 100 grand in cash.

I partly see your point.

You were in rare form that night.

You don't even fucking remember.

I...

I have a vague recollection of
you screaming at me.

It’s just, uh...

You hurt me, Richie.

Gets old.

How I don't have an ear, you know?

Hey.

It's coke bullshit.

Okay? We built this company

on your back as much as anyone.

More.

Thanks.

Yeah.

(SNICKERS)

You sure?

Yeah.

Hey, listen, uh, wasn't gonna say anything.

But I get the feeling you will.

Maury Gold, hmm? And Corrado Galasso...

- Nah.
-...coming into the office.

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Galasso's niece is a big fan of the J-5,

so I got her and the friends
backstage passes.

Maury brought him by.

You know, thank you, kiss the ring.

(CHUCKLES) Okay, yeah.

- Godfather bullshit.
- No, I figured something like that.

I just...

There was a singer at the party.

This kid, I'm telling you.

Like Bowie.

Yeah, he did a Bowie song.

Had a moody vibe.

Just different. Better.

Better.

I mean, I'm just thinking about bring him in,

just make a demo.

You should.

You always wanted to try A&R.

Maybe. I don't know.

(CHUCKLES)

She'll be back. Devon.

The silence in the morning.

- The kids.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

I think what I'd do without Moira.

What's your secret?
'Cause I can't get the bitch to leave.

-(LAUGHING)
- No matter what I do.

Libations!

Yeah, darling, give me another one, please.

A threesome here? Right here? Jim Morrison?

Right here.

- Never had one.
- Really?

No, I wouldn't know what goes where,

who does what.

I come so fast. Why disappoint two women?

Right?

Cheap date.

(SONG PLAYING) Two girls for every boy

BELLAMY: Come sit with us, honey.

I have to get to work.

It's the middle of the day.

Going out at night is part of the job.

Sit.

I think your mom's just worried

that the music company
isn't an appropriate place.

- You're so young.
- And so trashy.

Go ahead and say it.

"For this I survived the Nazis?"

She doesn't want you here.

I didn't say that.

I will give you enough
for your own apartment.

You can continue to work.

If you won't take the business, I can sell.

You find a job in a place with good people,

with the right kind of business.

This is exactly the business I want.

(SPEAKING POLISH)

She's gonna bribe you
to put me on the street.

She thinks you'll jump at it.

That's not very nice.

I would like you now to stay out of it.

My brother always made excuses for you

and I understand you've been through
some unpleasant things,

but I have never been anything but polite.

I don't want your money.

You have no idea what you're doing.

I guess we'll see.

ANNOUNCER: (ON RADIO) Frankie Crocker!
FRANKIE: (ON RADIO) Hello, New York.

Here's a song guaranteed to put...

White boy!

-(LAUGHING)
- He totally backed up.

Watch this.

Whoa, Woolworth makes sports coats now?

-(LAUGHING)
- Oh, you hear that?

- You hear that?
- Oh, there it is. Turn it up. Turn it up.

-(MUSIC PLAYING)
- Whoo!

Whoo!

I saw these guys at the Academy
a few months back.

Ooh, you know what?
I actually saw these guys

at the Academy a few months back
and they were fantastic.

But you don't know nothing about this.
You ready?

- There you go.
- Get him. Get him, Jorge.

- In your face.
-(WHOOPING)

Don't hurt him!

- Don't hurt him.
- What you got?

- That's what I'm talking about, baby.
- Get funky.

- Oh, this motherfucker.
-(LAUGHING)

Shit.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, now, screw me.

Oh! Ooh, you ain't gonna get it.

(LAUGHING)

Uh-uh, no. No, no, no. That's my seat.

All right.

Don't even think about it, honky-tonk.
That's my seat, baby.

Come on, man.

- That's Hector's seat.
- Hector was let go.

That's right.

- What the fuck did I just say?
-l'm just supposed to stand?

At least you got a job to stand at, right?

Fucking Hector's standing on line
down at unemployment.

(LAUGHING)

Seriously, though, we need to
check them out at the Academy.

(MOCKINGLY) Oh, I can't wait to check
them out at the Academy, yes.

(LAUGHING)

All right, gentlemen, get back to work, please.

We got deadlines and shit.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Got on board a westbound...

ZAK: Okay, nice. All here.

No Confederate money.

Lou, she's all yours.

Thank you, gentlemen.

She's a beauty.

A Venus with wings.

Title's in the glove box.

Hey, guys, I'm gonna take great care of her.

Clean her up, air her out.

She'll be like new, huh?

Hey, Richie. Uh...

You still got the bronze shag in the cabin?

Up to your ankles. You walk around barefoot,

feels like you're walking on a cloud.

I remember when I hitched a ride back
from Monterey.

Times change, huh?

My wife picked out that color.

I think I'm gonna go with alpaca.

My lady's a colorist.
She did David Carradine's bungalow.

Tangerine.

Mykonos blue. What do you think?

Blend in with the sky, right?

Harder a plane is to see,
the harder it is to shoot down.

Are you flying over Da Nang?

I can't keep up. Detroit, Boston, Ontario.

And that was just last weekend.

Having three albums in the Top 10
is like juggling cats.

But the work, right? Keeps us hungry.

You're gonna bounce back.

A few more years,
I'll be buying a 747 off of you.

- ACR is doing fine.
- Hey, I'm having a thing at my Malibu place.

Good people. Mellow vibe.

I got to stop into town for a quick meeting,

but you should swing by.

(SIGHS)

What do you want to do?

- Take a shit in the cockpit.
-(CHUCKLES)

It's seven hours till our flight.

It's like Bataan out here.

Let's go. Go to the airport.

Kill some time at the Clipper Club.

That prick is gonna spread the word
that ACR is done.

Eh, what are you gonna do?

Steal half his roster.

(SONG PLAYING) Me got fire can't put it out

Drink firewater gonna make you shout

I'm going down to get my squaw

We gonna buy a great big car

Me big chief me feeling good

Me gonna do everything me could

Me big chief me got 'em tribe

Me gonna take 'em for a ride

My spyboy just went by

My flagboy is full of fire...

Mama.

- Richie, how are you?
- Nice place.

- Thanks.
- Beautiful.

Aw, thank you.

Oh, Stu. You all right? Good.

ZAK: There he is. Find out.

- Hey.
- Hey, Richie. You know Gram Parsons?

- Only on wax. Nice to meet you.
- Hey, man.

- Captain Many Hands. Give it to me.
- Oh, man.

- Skin.
- Nobody calls me that anymore.

Hey, Manassas, I dug it.

- Oh, you were the one.
-(CHUCKLES) Come on.

Yeah, what happened?
Who'd you piss off at Rolling Stone?

Hey, fuck Rolling Stone, okay?

What, they throw David Cassidy
on the goddamn cover?

- What is that?
- How you guys doing?

- We're good. Great, actually.
- Yeah?

When's the last time you were in New York?

It's fucking electric right now.

Here, too, man. Can you even believe this?

Yeah, no, out of sight.

Hey, you happy?

Yeah, man.

No, man, are you happy?

Can make some real music, you and me.

I heard you guys were getting out.

- What? No.
- What? No. Come on.

No, PolyGram came begging us to sell.

The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit.

ls that your trip?

Yeah, well, I left my kimono home.

-(LAUGHS)
- Here.

Some pineapple.

Makes your cum taste sweet.

Boy, pheasant just lands
on your shotgun, doesn't it?

Hey, you been to Joshua Tree?

Uh, no, I'm good. I haven't, no.

Me and my old lady
are heading out tomorrow.

Nice. I hear the sunsets are amazing.

Sunrise, man.
Cap Rock where the desert meets the sky.

It's like you're born into a new world.

Some peyote, a few buttons,

that ball comes up,

mild silver and furious gold.

It's delicious, man.

You could find it again.

Find what, man?

Like... That thing of beauty

maybe you lost or let go.

It's still out there.

That's the trip.

Getting that back

or letting it go for good.

WOMAN: Hey, Stephen.
STEPHEN: Cass.

- WOMAN: Come on over.
- Hey, man, later days.

Yeah, right.

STEPHEN: Hey, pretty lady.
It's good to see you.

Saw you on Carson.

This whole city is a fucking mortuary

with an ocean view.

Come on, let's... We'll make the 4:00.

What, and let Meshejian piss all over us?

No, we stay. We work the room

and remind these freaks we're still a force.

(SIGHS) All right, well, I'm starving.

I'm gonna get to the buffet
before you know who.

(CHUCKLES)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Doctor, my eyes have seen the years...

-(SNORTS)
- And the slow parade

I'm good, Lou, thanks.

There is no certainty in this world.

Of only this can we be certain.

Yeah, well, times change.

Although maybe not here.
Let me ask you something.

Is that fucking Micky Dolenz?

You see the film Head? He's good people.

Yeah, creme de la.

Hey, look, it's Fabian.

You're a trip, Richie.

Never leave New York. The anger suits you.

Check it, Richie.

I see David.

And I see Stephen.

And I see Neil.

Hey, Neil! One minute.

RICHIE: What, reunion?

Good luck with that.
People get divorced for a reason.

They mingle, they pass the peace pipe.

I do a Kissinger and it's Crosby, Stills,
Nash and Young this spring.

I hear recycling's big out here.

Easier than making something new.

I just laid down a track
called Hooked On a Feeling

by this out of sight Swedish group.

Hooked On a Feeling?
The BA. Thomas song from yesteryear'?

Guaranteed four to five spins a day.

- Gonna be huge.
- Okay.

What about ACR? You dropping anything?

Yeah, I'm laying down
a killer track in New York right now.

What's it called?

"Fuck the Rush."

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Don't think about it

All you got to do is do it

Don't talk about it

All you do is do it

Do it, don't lie about it

Do it, do it

D-d-d-d-d-d-do it

Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it...

Look, Elvis is never gonna leave his label.

That's not what I heard.

I'm making it with a chick from RCA legal.

He's gonna leave RCA after 20 years?

Bullshit. Aloha's already quadruple platinum.

To the bank, take it.
He's gonna finish his Vegas thing,

then the Colonel's gonna shop him.

Yeah, that's the spot. Yeah, for sure.

Oh, hey.

- This fucking place.
- Richie, Richie.

Listen to me. July 1, 1956.

Elvis on Steve Allen.

He's not happy. He wants to move.

Yeah, I've heard rumors. You think it's legit?

He's in Vegas. An hour away.

- We go, we find out.
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

He's expensive. He's expensive.
We can't afford him.

We worry about that
after we sign Elvis Aaron fucking Presley.

I love what you just fucking said.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

I sleep all day, out all night

I know where you're going...

LAX, Jeeves.

Oh, I'm sorry.
This is Mr. Meshejian's car, fellas.

Here, there's another 100 for you
if you get us to LAX in 30 minutes.

All right, then.

Anything else I can do for you gentlemen?

Turn this fucking up.

(SONG PLAYING) Jumping up, falling down

Don't misunderstand me

You don't think
I don't know your plans?

What you trying to hand me?

- Have you seen Clark?
- He's right through there.

-Hey.
-Hey.

These fucking mail room guys.

I was already hazed in college.

It's temporary.

Yeah, till I find another job.

Mmm, the threads. You had an interview?

Look, don't burn me, okay?

I'm better than this.

And I'm not?

I was you three years ago.

And now I'm back to being you.

It's against the natural order.

You know what they like, Julie and Richie?

Let's see, blowjobs, coke,

uh, the sound of their own voices.

Hustle. Moxie.

I've got those.

If I had tits and decided to fuck my acts
as a signing bonus,

yeah, I'd be on top.

And that's why you're getting my lunch.

No, no, no, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

- I just...
- What, are you gonna cry now?

No, can you stay?

For a minute? Please?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It just... I don't know.
You don't know what it's like.

I, um...

I was supposed to...

My dad, by the time he was my age,

he had a master's degree

and, like, five medals from the Navy.

And I get coffee.

You do more than that, Clark.

Yeah, sometimes I get donuts.

(CHUCKLES)

I just thought I had

one thing that I was good at.

My mom wants me out on the street.
Fuck 'em.

Just pay attention to what people say.

Or what they don't.

I don't know. (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

Here.

Some weed.

(WOMAN MOANING)

Oh, yes.

(SONG PLAYING)
It's not unusual to be loved by anyone

It's not unusual...

I'm sorry, we're fully occupied.

- It's a weekday.
- Floor tile convention.

You know what?
My friend, Mr. Franklin, knows the manager.

One suite, two beds. Best I can do.

- Look at that.
- Sold.

Hey, you told them the lobby, right?

Yeah. Zak, there he is.

Colonel Tom fucking Parker.

ZAK: Fuck me in the fuckhole.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Colonel, thank you for meeting us.

What a pleasure. Richie Finestra.

- This is my partner Zak...
- You're not here.

I'm not here.

We all just happen to be here.

There are tickets waiting for you
with my compliments.

You will wait for my call after the show.

If I like what I hear,
perhaps you could come up,

tell Elvis and me what's on your mind.

How it is and shall be.

Understood.

And you?

We're not even here, right?

Though, assuming we were,

is he gonna play Mystery Train?

I love that song.

Saw part of that song in '57.

I kind of got knocked out during a riot.

- But that's neither here nor there.
-(CLEARS THROAT)

Not so much a request.

Hey.

He'll tell him.

JOE: Hocus Pocus, it's catchy.

It rhymes. The kids love it.

Come on, buddy. All parts.

You rammed Helen Reddy down my throat
last week.

Now I got to play this shit?

It's already going north. Fifty spins.

All parts. We're bound for glory, you and me.

I need a vacation.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

This'll barely get me to the Poconos.

Morning drive, weekends only.

Stop being a cock.

This is very expensive Scotch you're drinking.

I hear Paris is gorgeous this time of year.

(SIGHS)

Here, choke on a baguette.

Whoa! Martin and Lewis.

- Hey, Joe. How are you?
- How you doing? Sit down. Have a drink.

Nah, we're just finishing up.

Buddy Stengel, program director, WABC.

Say hi to Maury Gold and Corrado Galasso.

How are you?

He's great. He's helping our friend Richie

by playing this noise
or else you deal with him.

(LAUGHS)

Excuse me, gentlemen,
while I powder my nose.

You used my name. What, are you stupid?

- I'm sorry, I just...
- Fucking asshole.

Yeah, maybe Joe can help us
with the Tommy James thing.

Right? You know?
This fucking oldies station.

Trying to get him heavier rotation, right?

Sure, I'll make some calls.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Think before you talk, huh?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

In the morning you go gunning...

Hey, so...

(WHISPERING)

Itzak, where's your manners?

Oh! Oh.

Great white hunter catch more than daiquiri.

(ALL LAUGH)

- Hello.
- Hi.

Patty. Vivian. Zak.

Charmed, I'm sure.

- Oh, so graceful.
-(CHUCKLES)

Ch.

-(GROWLING)
-(LAUGHING)

- Oh, my God.
- This one'll do.

Is she kosher?

I tasted a little Oriental, but it's fine.

Sit, sit, sit. Come on, come on.

Oh, welcome, ladies.

So, music men.

- BOTH: Record men.
- Oh, sorry.

- Oh.
-(LAUGHS)

Give, you ever meet a Beatle?

- Does Ringo count?
- No.

- No. No.
- VIVIAN: Definitely not.

Where are you girls from?

We live here. Over in Henderson.

Nobody's from here. Where'd you grow up?

And I know we're taking you
all the way back to last month.

(LAUGHING)

-I'm from Scranton.
- ZAK: Mmm-hmm.

St. Paul.

Duluth, actually. Trying to be fancy.

Well, then things are looking up for you.

So, what are you fellas up to this evening?

Oh, you mean besides taking you ladies
to go see Elvis?

- The King! The King!
- Elvis?

-(GROANS)
- Oh, come on. It'll be fun.

You know, my mom loves Elvis.

- Ouch.
- Oh!

Whoa, hold on. This is the big one, Elizabeth.

(LAUGHING)

I'm coming to join you, honey.

Sounds just like him, right?

- Okay.
-l'm working on it.

Let's do it. Okay, let's do it.
Can we get dressed up?

No! Why? Why would you go
and spoil things right now?

You're wearing too much as it is.

- PATTY: You want this?
- Uh-huh, sure.

Where'd that come from?
You're like a magician, aren't you?

-(LAUGHS)
- This is beautiful.

(SNORTS)

That's what it was.

I thought you had a third nipple for a sec.

VIVIAN: Hey, record man.

Why don't you come to the party?

Get involved.

Come on, it'll be fun.

- So, Duluth.
- Yeah, Duluth.

ZAK: Yes, yes. I flew over it once.

PATTY: Uh-huh.
ZAK: Still took too long.

(GIRLS LAUGH)

Hey, come here.

-(SQUEALS)
-(LAUGHING)

(SCREAMS)

- Oh, he's saying he likes her.
- Oh, my gosh.

(NECK CRACKS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Little help?

Goal, motherfucker. Pay up.

Honestly, guys, if we all pitched in,

we can get these overnights out in, like,
five minutes, okay?

Oh, oh.

You know, I got this thing
with my lumbago, man.

We're receiving.
Them shits is outgoing, baby.

And I suppose I'm outgoing.

No.

Hector was outgoing.

Double or nothing. Let's go.

Come...

What are you doing?

Yo, this ain't break time.

Man, let's just do this maricon already, man.

Get up.

Whoa, hey.

Smoke break.

(SONG PLAYING)
And I don't think they'll miss

What they do?

They smile in your face

All the time they want to take your place

The backstabbers

Backstabbers...

You want to help me hit this shit

before you kick my motherfucking honky ass?

(SCOFFS)

ELVIS: Some of y'all
never been down South too much

I'm gonna tell you a little story

80's you understand what I'm talking about

Down there we have a plant
that grows out in the woods and the fields

And it looks something like a turnip green

Everybody calls it polk salad

(APPLAUSE)

But it's polk salad

Ho!

Used to know a little girl down there

She'd go out in the evenings
and pick a mess of it

Carry it home and cook it for supper

That's about all they had to eat

WOMAN: I love you, King!

But they did all right

WOMAN: Marry me, Elvis!

(SINGING) Down in Louisiana

Where the alligator grow so mean

Lives a girl that I swear to the world

Made the alligators look tame

Polk salad Annie

Hup

Gator got your granny

Everybody says it was a shame

'Cause her mama was working
on a chain gang

A mean, vicious

Straight razor-toting woman

Lord have mercy...

ZAK: This is Elvis?

ZAK: Hound Dog. All Shook Up.

Why's this happening, Richie?

What is this?

Polk Salad Annie.

The King of Rock and Roll

is singing about lettuce.

Okay, take it easy, champ.

(SINGING) Ho!

What, did you guys see the same movie?

He's kind of hot.

You think so?

I mean, except for the threads, but, yeah.

I'd make it with him.

Yeah, well, he already fucked my ear holes.

- Shh.
- Why not?

Come on, it's still Elvis, okay?

Who else on the planet can say that?

This isn't Elvis!

I Got a Woman.

- Shh.
- All right.

- Mystery Train.
- Hey!

- Shh, shh.
- Get to the main course.

RICHIE: The Colonel's watching.

(SINGING) Ho!

Oh, get after it

Ho, yeah

-(APPLAUSE)
-(MUSIC STOPS)

(MUSIC RESUMES)

Should we go up?

Gross.

You're right. You're right.

This is a tragedy.

Fuck JFK, MLK, Vietnam.

This... No, this... l can’t, man.

- Rock and roll has died tonight, my friend.
- We're leaving?

Yeah. What, you want to stay
for the Oompa Loompa number?

All right, fine. Let's go before we blow it.

(SINGING) Sock a little, sock a little... Ho!

Come on, baby, come on...

Sock a little...

ZAK: Okay, come on, Richie, here we go.

- Here we go. Here we... Eighteen!
- Eighteen, player wins.

-(CHEERING)
- ZAK: Five in a row!

VIVIAN: Eighteen again? That's crazy.

Oh, fuck. You can't lose.

I've seen this before.

You can't lose. I feel it.

He can't lose, Gunther.

This guy's SS right next to you.
Don't even look at him.

- Zakky, you want a bump?
- Oh, yeah.

(SNORTS)

Ah.

DEALER: Eight or 18.

That fucking number again.

Eighteen? Chai. Chai.

It's a good luck number
for the Jewish people.

Yeah, 'cause we've had so much of it.

Right? You would know about that, Hans.

- Double down.
- ZAK: Mmm.

Against a nine?

- DEALER: Eighteen.
- You got 18 against a nine.

-(CHEERING)
- ZAK: Busted!

Busted like my sister's cherry on prom night.

She was a whore. Everybody fucking knew it.

We loved her anyway.

Richie, listen.

Richie, I love you.

- I love you too.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Not in a faggy way.
-(CHUCKLES)

Maybe... Maybe even a little bit faggy.

- Okay, we got 90,000 in our fucking room.
-(SHUSHING)

And we got 5,000 right here on the table.

If Elvis's Colonel Klink calls us,
let's not even take it.

- What?
- No, why do we need that headache for?

- Buddy, come on.
- No, no, no. No, no, no.

- Jumping around like a...
- Okay, buddy, come on.

- Okay? Let's go.
- No, no, no, no.

Here's what we do.

Stay here, win a million dollars

at this fucking table with Frankie Avalon.

And then we're out.

We go upstairs, we take the girls,

do misdemeanorish things all night

until we pass out.

You know what?

There's luck and there's pressing your luck.

Wait, what are you... Richie, Richie, no.
What are you doing?

I didn't mean this.
Richie, what are you getting up for?

- Buddy, buddy, buddy.
- Wait... No, no, no, no.

We got a hotel suite with a view
all the way to Reno.

Why don't we take these little minx...

Richie, come on.
We're gonna win some money.

- No, hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
- We'll see what happens, huh?

Come on, Richie,
what about the million bucks?

We'll earn it.

Oh, well, that's no fun.

(some PLAYING) Who's that lady?

VIVIAN: Oh, I love this song.

ZAK: All right, let's... Yeah, let's dance.

- Come on.
- VIVIAN: Okay, let's dance.

Found you.

ZAK: You do all the moving.

- VIVIAN: Come on.
-(ZAK LAUGHS)

This is just tonight.

Nobody has to know.

ZAK: Pretend I'm a pole. See what happens.

VIVIAN; Like that?

ZAK: You're Vivian, right?

It's supposed to be a party, right?

VIVIAN: How could you forget?
ZAK: Yes.

I knew that.

Don't say anything. You're my favorite.

VIVIAN: You promise?

ZAK: Of the two of you, you're first.

Yeah, she's close.

Richie.

Wonder where the peasants are, huh?

They're not here.

Girls, hold on.
You guys are friends, aren't you?

Come on.
That's not how you treat your friend.

All alone here. You're friends, right?

Come on. No, you're better friends than that.

Aren't you better friends than that?

(LAUGHING)

Whoo!

Jackpot

We're all friends tonight.

I never doubted your existence.

Even

I know. I know.

(SONG PLAYING) Who's that lady?

- Real, real fine lady
- CHORUS: Who's that lady?

I would love to take her home

But her heart is made of stone

Got to keep on keeping on

If I don't she'll do me wrong...

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

God, if you made better tits

than these right here,

you're leaving them all to yourself.

I'm gonna go get some more Dom.

All right, Richie.
We're gonna... Go. Get in there.

- All right, come here, you.
-(SQUEALS)

Okay, and away we go.

- Save some for me.
- ZAK: Look out.

(ZAK LAUGHING)

Uh-oh, sorry. You all right?

PATTY: I'm okay.
ZAK: Whoo!

(PATTY LAUGHS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

ELVIS: That one's real, man.

Are you a narc?

(LAUGHS)

No, but it is serious, the drugs thing.

Yeah, no doubt. A scourge.

I... I don't know where the Colonel is.

He told me to come up after the show.

Huh.

You loved it.

I did.

We get to cooking up there, man, look out.

You leave it all on the stage.

That's showmanship.

Breaking up instruments,
lighting things on fire.

- Man, I don't know.
- Noise.

I just...

I just want people to...

I want them to feel the music, you know?

I...

I want them to live in the music.

That's where I live,

in the music, man.

Nobody shits out a meat ass

can do what you do, Elvis. Come on.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, I don't truck with
the business end of it too much.

I'm about actualization,

you know, of the self.

What...

You don't by any chance
dig Abraham Maslow?

You kidding? Hierarchy of needs.

Out of sight!

Listen, look.

I'm not gonna try to sell you on anything

because what you have sells itself.

You...

You don't belong here.

Look, Aloha from Hawaii

was watched by half the planet.

You got enough money to eat?

Yeah, we're doing okay.

No, you're not.

Okay, you're gonna die

a rich man 50 years from now.

But are you gonna die king?

You had 20 people onstage with you tonight.

You, Scotty, D.J., Bill.

That's the band.

Yeah, we made a racket, boy.

That '68 special, that wasn't a comeback.

That was you.

Had to sit through half of it.

Guitar strap came off.
We were going for it, though.

Goddamn right.

Hey, I've got a band,

the Nasty Bits.

Three guitars, backbeat like a jackhammer.

They're raw, okay?

Everything these kids are doing now

is because of what you did.

(CHUCKLES)

So let's get you
and a gut bucket band together

and then show people how rock and roll

is supposed to make you feel.

You got some cats want to play
with an old boy like me?

Where's your phone? Where's your phone?

Hey, we get you guys down to Muscle Shoals,

a washboard, a snare.

Yeah.

Yeah, old Bill Black, man,

he used to get a hold of that bass,
that dog house,

get on that one string, boy, he'd lay on it.

(IMITATING BASS)

There it is.

Man. (CHUCKLES)

I don't know, man. RCA, they want me to do

two Christmas records this year.

Hey, listen to me.

Christmas is where artists bury their careers.

You know John Simon?

Produced Janis.

The Band.

(SINGING) Take a load off, Fanny

Take a load for free

Take a load off, Fanny...

That's it.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah.

Man, look at this.

Kissing them old ladies, I got a sore.

- You don't kiss the King.
- Right.

- You don't touch the King.
- Right.

It's part of being the King.

(SIGHS) Man, what about my spirituals?

Spirit... Okay. Hand to God.

Ask my wife.

I want Crying in the Chapel
playing at my funeral.

A whole album.

From the field stuff.

You need Sweet Inspirations, man.

Yeah, bring them.

(SNAPS FINGERS) Pops Staples producing.

You get it.

Man, you get it.

You... You get it, man.

I wanted to do Woodstock.

There'll be others.

Hey, American Century is gonna be
the kingdom of rock and roll.

You on the throne.

Man, I can't wait to see
old Kenny Glancy's face.

You won't have to.

My lawyer Scott,

he's a junkyard dog, man.

We can get this done by the morning.

I'll have him draw up the contracts.

- We'll notify RCA.
-(DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS)

A little late for entertaining, ain't it?

Colonel, I...

(STAMMERS) Why don't you tell the Colonel
what you told me, Richie?

Elvis and you

deserve to be at a place
where you're respected,

where your legacy will be protected.

I spend sun to sun ensuring that.

The problem is RCA.

I don't belong here, Colonel.

The capes, the old ladies.

I can still fit in that jacket.

You remember that jacket.
The one I wore for the special.

I was the devil in that jacket.

Well...

We haven't made up our minds
on anything yet.

Usually Elvis likes to
stay out of the paper pushing.

I'm gonna go call Scotty and them right now.

If you'd just listen to what Elvis and I
have to say, I think you'll...

COLONEL: Elvis.

Why don't you show Richie that move?

The one you taught
Nixon's Secret Service fellas.

Now you got it.

What move?

Whoa!

Hey, man, here. Point her at me.

Is this thing even loaded?
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Ah!Ah!

(GRUNTS)

You see that?

That's using an opponent's motion
against them.

It's called chi.

Praying mantis style.

COLONEL: El, why don't you get some sleep?

- Big show tomorrow.
-(RICHIE SHUDDERS)

One must be like water.

One must be like water.

COLONEL: Son...

See yourself out.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(TV PLAYING)

Oh! Get up.

(ZAK GROANS)

(ZAK SNORTS)

Fuck happened here?

Uh...

Oh. Oh.

(GROANS)

ZAK: What happened?

I just asked you that.

(GROANS)

ls, uh... Where are they?

Where'd the girls go?

They did this?

(SIGHS)

No,no,no,no,no,no,no.

RICHIE: What?
ZAK: No!

- What?
- No!

- You motherfucker.
- Richie, Richie...

- You motherfucker. I will fucking...
- They robbed us!

- Get the guy! Get the fucking...
- What?

- Get the hotel dick up here.
- And tell them what?

That you had a three-way that went south

and you got robbed?

We're in Vegas.

This whole fucking town is corrupt.

Those girls were probably pros.
They'll have us arrested.

- Get your fucking hand...
- I fucked us.

I... I fucked us.

I fucked us. I fucked us.

Fuck!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(ZAK GROANS)

I want to die.

I want to... l want to die, Richie.

Oh, fuck.

(ZAK SNIFFLING)

(ZAK GROANS)

Everyone fucks up, okay?

I mean, shit...

We'll make it back, okay?

(CRYING) Shit.

Not like you lost 10 million, right?

(SIGHS) Hey-

That's why they call it rock and roll, right?

Come on.

One leg at a time.

Come on. Like the rest of us.

Okay, buddy. The other one.

Yeah, that's it. I got you. I got you.

Take it easy.

Fuck, stay back. I got you.

I got you.

It's okay.

(BABY CRYING)

WOMAN: It's okay.

- Shh. Honey, okay.
- STEWARDESS: Would you like a beverage?

- MAN: Gin and tonic.
- Sure.

-(TOILET FLUSHES)
- MAN: Thank you.

- STEWARDESS: Sure.
-(CRYING)

You're okay. Shh.

STEWARDESS: Would you like a beverage?

WOMAN: All right, doll.

You...

I just want to...

You really looked after me last night.

I was out of control. I was...

(BABY CRYING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Eighteen yellow roses came in today

Eighteen yellow roses in a pretty bouquet

When the boy came to the door

I didn't know what to say

But 18 yellow roses came today

I opened up the card to see what it said

I couldn't believe my eyes when I had read

Though you belong to another

I love you anyway...

DEALER: It's eight black.

I never doubted your love

For a minute

I always thought that you would be true

But now this box and the flowers in it

I guess there's nothing
left for me to do

But ask to meet the boy
that's done this thing

To find out if he's got plans

To buy you a ring...

(BOTTLES CLINKING)

Sweetheart, two Smirnoffs, ice.

(SIGHS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(MAN YODELING)