Villains of Valley View (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 17 - We Don't Care - full transcript

[Rock music playing]

This show never disappoints!

Oh, whoo!
It's the funniest thing on TV!

REPORTER: And that does it
for our 6:00 news.

Amy, you're not
gonna believe this!

[News broadcast music
playing on TV]

Were you laughing at other people's
misfortune on the news again?

Not me!

[Chuckles] Okay, maybe a little.

Some lady got trapped
in an elevator for five days

and it was not pretty.



If they didn't want you to
laugh, they wouldn't put it on TV.

You know, every time I think

I'm making progress
with you people?

Something like this happens.

Anyways, Amy,
the The Round-Up is holding

their annual Battle of the Bands
on Saturday.

We have to enter!

Wait, so we get to sing
and battle people?

I'm in!

It's not a real battle.
It's a contest where bands

perform original songs
and face-off against each other.

I'm confused.
Can I throttle someone or not?

No! But if we win,

it'll boost our cred
as a new singing duo



and we'll be insanely popular!

Oh, we are popular.

The other day we were singing
at the food court

and someone tipped us
with curly fries.

That wasn't a tip,
they threw them at us

and said "Stop singing,
I'm trying to eat!"

Best two-ninety-nine
I ever spent.

[Sighs] The only thing is,
to perform at the contest,

we'd have to write
an original song.

- Which we've never done before.
- Big deal.

I used to write songs with
my villain band all the time.

Well, until they met
their demise in a fiery inferno.

Which is ironic
because we were gonna name

the band Fiery Inferno.

Oh, hey, Celia!

Come on in.

I know I'm supposed to knock,
but I'm too excited.

Plus, I really don't care.

Robert just told me he booked us
a romantic weekend

at Lady Bird Lake.

That sounds far away. I like it.

[Sighs] We're gonna watch
the sunrise,

play shuffleboard

and cruise the lake
on a kayak built for two.

You know why they build 'em
for two, don't ya?

If I say yes, will it stop you
from telling me?

Anyway, since I'm gonna be gone
for a few days,

this is the list of things
I need you to do while I'm away.

Wait, so you're going
on vacation

but you want us
to do your chores?

I was wrong about you.
You are smart.

It really doesn't seem fair
to make us work

while you're off having fun.

I could just raise
your rent instead.

Then again,
work does build character.

[Theme music playing]

Amy! I just came up
with the perfect verse

for our Battle of the Bands
song!

Check it out!

"The leaves are growing.

The sun is shining.

I feel so alive.

The stars are aligning"

Wow, that's like
the perfect set up

for the chorus I just wrote.

"Stop with the lies!
Stop with the lies!

Everything dies!

Everything dies!"

I am not letting our first big
performance be a song about death.

Well, then I'm not singing
about the stars aligning!

What's your big finale?
Butterflies flying out of our armpits?

If you're open to it.

Look, the contest
is tomorrow night.

If we can't write an original song
that represents the both of us,

we're gonna have to back out
of the competition.

Wait, no, I got it!

What if we perform
"Loud Like Me?"

It's a song I used to sing
with my villain band

but it's the least-villainy
one I ever wrote.

It goes like this...

[rock music playing]

♪ I'm not the hero type ♪

♪ I do just what I like ♪

♪ I make the city all mine ♪

♪ All mine ♪

♪ It's pathological ♪

♪ The way I rock and roll ♪

♪ I'm here
To have a good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ On another level
Turn up like a rebel ♪

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ When I make a sound bite ♪

♪ You wish
You were loud like me! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

Amy, that song is amazing!

But I still think
our first original song as a duo

should represent
both of our personalities.

Hey, Hartley.

Hello, Lamey.

Really, Gem?

Your name literally
means generic diamond.

I heard you're competing
in the Battle of the Bands.

So are we.

We call ourselves
"Gem and the Other Girls."

You know,
that way when they annoy me

and I have to replace them,
the name will still stick.

Oh, I know they can hear me,
I don't care.

What's your point, Gem?

My point is that you two
should drop out now

and spare yourselves the
embarrassment of losing to me.

Oh, and them. [Chuckles]

But mostly me.

So, villain song?

Villain song!

Okay, Colby,
I think we can check

some of the stuff
of Celia's "To Do" list.

Clean gutters, check.

Plant lemon tree, check.

Bury mysterious box
under lemon tree, check.

I shook it,
pretty sure it's bones.

That was exhausting!

Why does Celia want her lawn
trimmed with scissors?

I added that one to see if you
were gullible enough to do it.

You never disappoint, Jake!

Okay. Only 22 chores to go.

Next up, tint the windows
on her "she shed!"

What's this?

MAN: I've got three recliners
for this address.

I'm sorry,
we didn't order any recliners.

Oh, they must be
for our landlady Celia.

And we will be happy
to accept them on her behalf!

Dad, what are you doing?

Just keeping
Celia's new chairs safe.

Inside our house.
Under our tushies.

Under our tushies?
Who says that?

Seriously? That's your biggest
bump with this whole thing?

Look, if Celia can go
on vacation

and stick us with her chores,
the least she can do

is let us enjoy these sweet
recliners for a few days.

And you're gonna take
the heat for this

when Celia comes home
and finds out?

No. I'll be hiding
in her she shed.

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ When I make the sound bite ♪

♪ You wish
You were loud like me! ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Hartley, if we're gonna perform
a bass-pounding villain anthem,

you can't sing it
like a bobblehead doll.

Sorry.

I've just never sung anything
with this rage-filled kind of energy.

It's easy. You just have to tap
into your inner villain.

Oh, you know, like when you take
money out from your grandma's purse.

I would never!

Oh, well, I used to take money
from my grandma's purse

so pretend you're me
and go crazy. [Chuckles]

I'm just gonna go
get us a snack.

[Sighs]

Okay, channeling
my inner villain.

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ On another level
Turn up like a rebel ♪

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ When I make the sound bite ♪

♪ You wish
You were loud like me! ♪

- Hartley?
- [screams]

Mrs. Madden!

Oh, look at you standing
on the furniture,

there's hope for you yet.

When did I hear
that song before?

Oh, I used to perform it with my
villain band when I was Havoc.

Right! Yes.
It's about the only song

your band played
that didn't make my ears bleed.

Well, that stings.
All of my songs

were supposed
to make your ears bleed.

We're performing it
at the Round-Up

for the "Battle of the Bands!"

Oh, no, you're not.

Singing that song
in public is way too risky.

Why? No one's even heard it.

We only performed it
at some villain music festivals.

Villains have music festivals?

Of course. Who do you think
invented mosh pits?

My point is, no one here knows
it's a villain song.

I'm not concerned
about people here knowing.

If someone films you and posts
it online, any villain can see it

and connect the dots
between Havoc and Amy.

And we will all get caught!

Well,
what are we supposed to do?

The contest is tonight and we
don't have another song to sing.

Which means
we won't be able to compete!

Sorry, girls,
but this family's safety

is more important
than winning a contest.

I'm putting my foot down.
You cannot sing that song.

Wow. Being a good parent feels
like being a tyrant.

I like it.

[Rock music playing]

I can't believe we have
to back out of the contest.

I've never
backed out of anything!

Backed into things, yes.

Backed over things definitely,

but I've never backed out
of anything.

Hi, I'm Hartley and this is Amy.

We were supposed to perform
in the contest tonight but...

They know my group is gonna win
so they're backing out.

Good call, girls.

Now we can just skip
to the part where you lose.

We are not afraid
of you beating us.

Aw, it's so cute
when she gets mad.

Are neck veins
supposed to do that?

Amy, do not let her get to you.

- If she gets to you, she wins.
- Oh, I don't know.

I'm pretty sure if I shove
that microphone stand

down her throat,
it's a win for all of us.

Everyone! Let's give it up
for Amy and Hartley!

I know they say
it's bad to be a quitter

but it's a good thing when a
person can truly admit they're weak.

Oh, yeah, there goes
your little neck vein.

Why are you so upset? [Chuckles]

I mean, that is why
you're here, right?

- To quit?
- Never!

We're here to drop off
our sheet music and lyrics

to the house band.

Amy, what are you doing?

Just follow my lead.

Here you go!

Hope you brought a lifeboat

'cause our song is gonna
blow you out of the water!

Why would I need a lifeboat
if I'm out of the water?

I'll get back to you on that!

Amy! You know your mom
doesn't want you singing that song!

Correction, my mom doesn't
want any villains

to see footage of us
singing that song.

What she's forgetting
is that my sonic powers

can emit
an electromagnetic pulse.

Normal people words, please!

I can use the EMP
to shut down everyone's phones.

So we can still perform and
they won't be able to film us.

So your family will be totally
safe! [Chuckles] That's brilliant!

Oh, I'm glad you think so.

Because my backed up plan was gonna
be forcing you to sing the death song.

[Groaning]

All my anger at the world
is melting away.

Were we only villains because
we didn't have massage chairs?

I better turn this thing off before
I start having faith in humanity.

[Beeps]

Whoo! You were right, Dad.

It's a lot easier
to put up with Celia's chores

when we can relax
in these chairs.

Yeah, I just wish we kept them in
the living room so we could watch TV.

Because, you know, down here
we're just three dudes staring at a wall.

Hey, that wall is gorgeous.

And I'm not just saying that
because I designed it.

Okay, I am.

This may seem crazy,

but the three of us
could just talk.

Then again, I mean, Dad did
design a really nice wall.

Oh, like your conversation's
so sparkling.

"I'm the Chosen One!
I did a kick flip today!"

Okay, that does not sound
like me

and it was a 360 hard flip!
Seriously.

It's like you just swipe
right past my stories.

Hey! I know how we can enjoy
the chairs and have fun!

Bring the chairs to life, befriend
them and have chair friends?

Guess again!

A bumper chair battle!

Bumper chair battle?

That's right!

I motorized the chairs and made
customized joysticks to control them!

That's a lot of work
to avoid talking to me.

Worst part is
you're still talking.

But now we can smash
into each other!

Why would we do that?

Because pain is funny,
but hurting family is funnier!

- [Screams]
- [laughs]

[Groaning]

You're right, Dad!
Hurting family is funnier!

You can't do that
to the Chosen One!

- [Tense music playing]
- [laughing]

I think the Chosen One needs
to be knocked off his throne.

I'll join that palace coup!

[Groans]

[Chuckles]

Hmm... Maybe I should add
some seat belts.

BOTH: Nah!

Oh, it's on!

[Evil laughs]

Amy, are you sure
performing your villain song

- is a good idea?
- Yes.

That song is gonna win us
this competition

and we're going to put Gem
in her place.

Which I hope is an upside down
port-a-potty.

GEM: ♪ It's pathological ♪

♪ The way I rock and roll ♪

♪ I'm here to have a good time
Good time ♪

What the...

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ On another level ♪

♪ Turn up like a rebel ♪

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ When I make the sound bite ♪

♪ You wish
You were loud like me... ♪

I can't believe it.

- She stole our song!
- [applause]

Thank you, Valley View!

Oh, no. I love you!

All right.
Wrapped it up, Jennifer Nopez!

What do you think you're doing?

You stole our song!

And I'm pretty sure
stealing another group's song

can get you disqualified.

You can't prove
that I stole anything.

But what is against the rules is
you singing the same song as me.

So unless you have another one,

looks like you're out
of the com pet-ish.

Competi-tion.

Yeah, I made it "ish"
'cause it sounds more hip.

But that's not even a word.

I mean what is "ish"... why am I
going down this road with you?

You should be flattered
I sang your song.

You wouldn't want it to be
ruined by the two of you singing it.

- Amy!
- Mom!

What are you doing here?

Well, I thought you might ignore

what I said and try to sing
your song anyway.

So I came here to stop you.

Well, it doesn't matter because
Gem already stole our song

and performed
it before we could.

Aha! So you were gonna sing it!

Of course I was.

But I had a plan so no one
would be able to film it.

Electro-magnetic pulse?

Smart.

Despite what your father says,
you get that from me.

Wait. If you were so worried
that Amy singing the song

could lead the villains
to Valley View,

shouldn't we be worried
that they'll post videos

- of Gem singing it too?
- Nope.

[Sonic EMP zaps]

My sonic EMP doesn't just stop
phones from filming,

it destroys them.

Nice.

Wait, did you just destroy
my phone?

Well, you always say friendship
is about sacrifices.

You couldn't pick a cheaper one?

Sorry, Mom. I never should
have gone against you.

I didn't want to lose to Gem,
but...

- I guess we lost anyway.
- Hey, whoa... [chuckles]

Hey, I didn't want you to sing a
villain song but I'm not letting you quit!

You're performing on that stage.

How? We couldn't write a song

we agreed on in a week.
There's no way we can write one

by the time we're supposed
to perform.

I'm sure you can.

I mean,
just write about what you know.

And I think you both know

you shouldn't let the haters
get you down.

- You're right.
- Yeah!

Who cares what Gem thinks?

Well, there you go.

I'm sure you got something
to say about that.

Thanks, Mom!

Hey. Aw...

I'm really getting this
ordinary mom thing down.

[Evil laughs]

Stop ganging up on me!
It's two against one!

Correction,
it's two against the Chosen One.

Aw, look at him drive off
in his little scaredy-chair.

That'll teach him not to flaunt
all his powers in our face.

You see the glimmer
fading from his eyes?

His spirit is broken.

Man, I love being a parent.

Oh, ho, ho.

We scared him so bad
he abandoned his chair!

COLBY: Correction,
I am the chair!

Wait.

If Colby shape shift
into a chair,

then that means the chair has...

BOTH: Super-speed!

[Groans]

COLBY: That's right!
I can shape-shift

and super-speed
at the same time!

Never underestimate
the Chosen One.

Yup. Definitely should've gone
with those seat belts.

[Audience applauding]

Okay, folks, that does it
for our Battle of the Bands!

And according to our judges,
we have a unanimous winner!

Uh-uh!
What are you getting ready for?

You had your stage time.

The winning part is all me.

Looks like I spoke too soon.

Apparently, we have
one more performance!

- That's my girl!
- What? No!

You can't can't let them sing!

Please welcome to the stage...

- Happiness!
- [applause]

Of Death?

This one's for all the haters.

Especially the one in the
pink dress at table three.

You can try to bring us down,
but guess what?

We don't care.

[Rock music playing]

♪ We don't care! ♪

♪ We don't care! ♪

♪ No more stopping
Only green lights ♪

♪ No more Mr. Shy guy ♪

♪ Won't spend any time
Trying to be who they like ♪

♪ If they try to turn it down ♪

♪ We'll just turn it
Way up loud ♪

♪ Never let the critics
Phase us ♪

♪ Leave the hate in the dust
Being real is a must ♪

♪ Won't keep it hush hush ♪

♪ If they try to turn it down ♪

♪ We'll just turn it
Way up loud ♪

♪ What's the difference
If you're different? ♪

♪ Just go with it
And make 'em listen ♪

♪ We don't care
They can't stop us now ♪

♪ No more hiding
Back in the crowd ♪

♪ So let 'em say, hey!
What they'll say, hey! ♪

♪ We don't, we don't
We don't care ♪

♪ We don't care
If we don't fit in ♪

♪ We won't let 'em
Under our skin ♪

♪ So let 'em say, hey!
What they'll say, hey ♪

♪ We don't, we don't
We don't care! ♪

♪ We don't care
About the talk talk ♪

♪ It don't get to us, nah ♪

♪ We do what we want ♪

♪ We're just having fun, yeah ♪

♪ If they try to turn it down ♪

♪ We'll just turn it
Way up loud ♪

♪ What's the difference... ♪

Time to finish this off
with a bang!

♪ We don't care
They can't stop us now ♪

♪ No more hiding
Back in the crowd ♪

♪ So let 'em say, hey!
What they'll say, hey! ♪

♪ We don't, we don't
We don't care ♪

♪ Oooh, na, na, na ♪

♪ We don't care
We don't care, nah ♪

♪ Oooh, na, na, na ♪

♪ We don't care
We don't care, nah ♪

♪ What's the difference
If you're different ♪

♪ Just go with it
And make 'em listen ♪

♪ What's the difference
If you're different ♪

♪ We don't care! ♪

[Cheers and applause]

How did they get sparks?

I didn't get sparks!

Ugh! This is not over!

We're leaving!

The judges have voted
and once again it's unanimous!

The winner of this year's

Battle of the Bands
is Happiness!

Of Death!

[Squeals]

[Cheers and applause]

[Groaning]

Hey, Dad, can I get
one of those ice packs?

Get your own, strong man!

Colby, how are you not in pain?

Is that another
Chosen One power?

Yeah, it's called being young.

[Knocks on the door]

Do you know how long
I've been waiting here?

- Five seconds?
- Sounds right.

Thanks for signing
for my chairs.

Hartley was busy singing.

Guess that was more important
than Grandma's Tush Master 2000.

Is one of these for Hartley?

No, they're for Tawny
and Tessie.

The girls come over for a gab
sesh three nights a week.

If we're gonna dish dirt, our
tushies might as well be cushy.

I think I've reached my threshold
for hearing the word "tushy."

Ooh, I can feel it
huggin' my hips!

What's this thing do?

Celia, no!

[Screams]

Forget to remove the motors?

You know how this goes. I'm
the chef, you clear the table.

You okay, Celia?

No! I'm not okay.

I'm amazing!

Ooh! I didn't know
those chairs could do that!

Hurry up and move 'em
over to my place

so I can T-bone
Tawny and Tessie!

[Rock music playing]