Victorious (2010–2013): Season 1, Episode 11 - The Great Ping Pong Scam - full transcript

Tori can't figure out why Jade, Beck, André, Cat, and Robbie won't let her join the Hollywood Arts ping-pong team.

Subs created by: David Coleman.


Awesome french fries today.

Can I have a fry?


Does anyone else have fries?

- Hey Cat, who are you talking to?
- Shh!

I've been on hold for an hour.

Who are you on hold with?

I don't remember.

Then why don't you hang up?

Because I love the hold music.
It's all my favorite songs.

I don't know who I'm holding
for, but he or she is awesome.

Oh my God!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

What's going on?

Well... I just found out I got
picked to be on Brain Squeezers!

Brain Squeezers!

The new game show.

- I haven't heard of it.
- No idea what that is.

I'm on hold.

Well, it's not on TV yet, but everyone
says it's gonna be like the next big thing.

- It is all the buzz.
- I've heard no buzz.


No human being has ever
heard of Brain Squeezers.

You guys talking about Brain Squeezers?

I said human being.

Ooh, I love this song, too!

I wonder if the person I'm
holding for is my one true love.

- You know what they say about...
- Shut up!

So what is Brain Squeezers, anyway?

It's a new game show for kids and teens.

It's supposed to be a lot of fun,
and you can win tons of money.

They just started filming, and it's
really hard to get picked to be on it.

Well, not too hard for Tori.

Check this out.

O... M... R... G!

- You got picked to be a Team Captain!
- Sure did.

Ooh, can I please be on your team?

- Please please please please?
- Look, I just found out...

- Please?!
- Sinjin!


I don't even know what the game is
yet, so I need to think about it.

- And then I'll pick my team.
- So you might pick me?

- I might.
- Weeee!

I spit on those.

I know.

- Can I be on your team?
- I wanna be on Tori's team!

- Listen to your hold music!
- I can multitask!

- Tori, can I please be on your team...
- Hey! Hold up.

Tori said she needs to do some thinking.

Figure some stuff out.

And then she'll pick her team.

- Thank you.
- No prob.

Because you and me, we're tight.

We are friends.

Tori and Andre are
always on the same team.

Great, so now everyone's pressuring me.

I haven't asked to be on
your Brain Squeezers team yet.


But if you don't pick me something
really bad might happen to you.

Cat, how long are you
gonna wait on hold?

I don't mind waiting, I swear, I
love every song they're playing.

You're not even on the phone.

You're listening to
music from your play list.





What a weirdo, huh?

[ Music ]

♪Here I am once again.

♪Feeling lost but now and then.

♪I breathe it in to let it go.

♪And you don't know where you are now.

♪And what it will come to
if only somebody could hear.

♪When you figure out how.

♪You're lost in the moment.

♪You disappear.

♪You don't have to be afraid
to put your dream in action.

♪You'll never gonna fade.

♪You'll be the main attraction.

♪Not a fantasy.

♪Just remember me.

♪When it turns out right.

♪Because you know that if
you live in your imagination.

♪Tomorrow you'll be
everybody's fascination.

♪In my victory.

♪Just remember me.

♪When I make it shine.

Oh hey.

Oh my God.

No, no!


Wow. Never heard that
from a girl before.

I haven't decided yet who's gonna
be on my Brain Squeezers team so

- if you wanna be on it you're gonna have..
- Whoa whoa whoa whoa.

I was just standing
here, and I said "hey".

I'm sorry, it's just everyone and I mean
everyone has been bugging me today and...

Oh hey.

Why are you cleaning my locker?

Because we're friends and I
want your things to be nice.

Yep, just, uh, just gonna make it shine.

Okay. Off to class, but first...

For ye.

Why are you giving me twenty dollars?

Because I think you're neat.

And because we're super friends.

I'm not promising that I'll pick you
to be on my Brain Squeezers' team.



Oh hey you guys.

Wanna know what I'm
doing on my Pear Pad?

- We didn't bring it up.
- Didn't ask.

Well, I'm using a new
app. It's called Test E-Z.

It teaches me all kinds of cool
information just in case I find myself

in a situation where
I need to know things.


Like a game show?


I mean, I guess that's a good example.

Like right now, I'm learning
about America's fifty states.

Did you know America has fifty states?

I did.

Well, do you know which one of
them they call the Aloha State?


It's... h'way-eye-eye.

Yay, Cat scores!

Okay bye, I'm off to learn some
more knowledge, just in case.

Wow, I guess people are pretty
desperate to be on a game show.

I guess. But...


I see through your little plan.

- What's my plan?
- Oh, you know...

To play it all cool and
act like you don't care

about being on my Brain Squeezers team.

Just to mess with my head, and
make me wanna ask you to be on it.

Know what, that's,
that's really insulting.

Can I be on your team?

- I knew it!
- Please, come on!

- I'm really good at these kind's...
- No! Hey! Don't want!

- Stop following me!
- Remember that Sikowitz thing...

Hey, baby sis!

Hey. I was watching
Celebrity Spelunking.

Look, I know all your dumb
friends have been bugging you to

be on your Brain Squeezers team,
so I came up with two ideas.

Oh, get away from me.

Team option A...

You, me, Andre, Robbie.

I wanna hurt you.

Team option B...

Me, Andre, Beck, Sinjin.

I'm not even on that team!

Life's not all about you.

Hey, does my pie smell funny?


Pie in my eye!

Pie in my eye!


You bit my ear!

[ Doorbell ]


Ya know what, it was
wrong for me to come here.

You're probably really
busy and I shouldn't...

What's going on?

My mom. She...

They might put her in jail.

What?! Come in, come in.

What's going on, what did your mom do?!


She's been stealing money at work.

- Stealing money?
- I don't even blame her.

Her sister, my aunt Susan,
she's really sick. And...

She needs an operation,
but she's like broke...

Oh my God. Listen...

Why don't you bring your
aunt Susan over here,

and then I'll put on some heavy shoes...

And then I'll jump up
and down on her face.

You insensitive witch.

You liar.

Look, Sinjin told me the
winning team on Brain Squeezers,

splits ten thousand dollars and I
want my share of that money, Vega.

I mean it, I want my slice.

You are scrunching my shirt!

Okay, I came up with the
perfect team, why is Jade here?

You're not part of my perfect team.

You're putting your
suck-fish sister on our team?!

Our team?


Stop it! Look, you know what?

I'm tweeting! Yep, I am
on The Slap dot com...

And I'm tweeting... "Big"...

"News! I picked"...

"My Brain Squeezers team".

"It's me... and"...

- Me!
- Me!

"Andre. And"...

- Me!
- Me!

"Beck. And"...

- Me!
- Me!


- No!
- If you hit send on that tweet I will...

- Send!
- Ah!


[ Music ]

Hi. I'm here with my team.

We're ready to have our brains squeezed.

- Ha ha ha.
- Name?

I'm Tori Vega, Team Captain,
reporting for game show duty.


What's wrong with you?

My team members are Andre Harris, um...

You already checked in.

- Huh?
- You said your name's Tori Vega?


Yeah, you checked in twenty minutes ago.

But that... that doesn't...
that doesn't make any sense, I...

Oh good, there's my team. Hey boys.

That's Tori Vega.

I'm Tori Vega.

I'm Tori Vega.

I'm Tori Vega!

I'm not Tori Vega.

[ Music ]

Whoa whoa whoa. What's going
on here? What's this about?!

[ Arguing ]

[ Bang ]

Oh! What was that?!

A Bang Ball.

That's how TV producers get a set quiet.

Now what's the deal here?

All I know is, my name is
Tori Vega and I'm here...

I'm Tori Vega!

Okay, here's my Hollywood Arts
I.D. proving I'm Tori Vega.

You made a fake school
I.D. with my name on it?

I don't know, this looks pretty real.


- It's laminated!
- Oh!

- Show us your school I.D.
- I didn't bring mine.

Well, then show me
your driver's license.

I don't have one yet.

Aren't you like sixteen?

I'm seventeen.

And no driver's license?

I'm Tori Vega!


[ Arguing ]

[ Bang ]


That was my last Bang Ball!

So everyone stay...


We're already behind, so...

Andre, Beck, and Robbie,
you guys go with her.

- You're on the yellow team.
- But but... no!

But, but they're on, on my
team because I'm Tori Vega...

Who cares?!

You're gonna be Captain
of the blue team.

Oh yay I like blue.

But you just gave away my teammates!

- You three in high school?
- Yeah! Yeah. Me am!

Any contagious diseases?



There's your blue team.

Uh... wait, but... but...


Order me more balls.

[ Music ]

And it's time to play...

Alright! Let's meet
our yellow Team Captain.

Uh, well, my name is Tori, but on
game shows, I go by the name Jade.


And our blue Team Captain...

I'm Tori...

All the time.

Okay teams, here are the rules.

I ask a series of questions. Team captains
decide who will answer for the team.

Answer correctly, your
team gets a hundred points.

Answer wrong, the other team
gets the points and you get a...

- Excuse me?
- Yes, Tori all the time?

Wh... what's a doink?

Alright! First question's
to the yellows. Jade...


The topic is animals. Who'll take it?

Uh, Robbie.

That's me.

I know a lot about animals.

When I was a boy, my mommy bought me the
book "The Zoo and You" and I read it from..

The question is...

Uh well, I've never actually
counted a camel's toes before.

But my grandpa has five toes on
his foot, so I'm gonna say five.

[ Buzzer ]

That's a hundred points
for the blue team...

And for Robbie, that's a...

Uh-oh, so what does that mean...

Robbie just got pus-blasted!

Can-can I get a tissue?!

Blue team! Tori...


The topic is sports. Who'll take it?



I don't know anything about sports!

The question!

The answer... who cares?

[ Buzzer ]

The points go to the yellow team!

And for Trina, that's a...

No no no! Not in my face,
I mean it, not in my face...

What? What nuts and bolts?



Alright, that puts us at a
hundred points for both teams.

My head is bleeding.

I can't see out of my right eye.

What kind of game show is this?!

Yellow team! The topic is history.

History, uh...


- I'll pass.
- You can't pass.

- Pass.
- Not an option.

- I don't want this question.
- You're only making it worse.

[ Buzzer ]

I didn't even answer the question.

That's a hundred points for the blue!

[ Cheers and applause ]

And for Beck, that's a...

Whoa! Okay, alright.

And Beck's doink is...

- Is that a bowling ball?!?
- Mm hum.


Okay, next topic!

I'm gonna need a minute.

[ Music ]

Blue team! Next topic math.

Uh, let's go with...

- Cat.
- No!

Ya gotta answer something.

- Cat...
- No!

I've never been doinked
before. I'm not ready!



Ninety... four-three?

[ Buzzer ]

Dang it!

That means Cat gets a...

No! Can't we just skip my d...


I'm a girl!

That's my face!

Looks like Cat got...


Yes! Yes?

I don't know. Who would know that?!

[ Buzzer ]

No! Do not doink me!

That's another hundred
points for the blue team...

[ Cheers and applause ]

And Jade, I'm afraid you're a
victim of "a-salt and battery".

What does that mean?

Ah! Ah! Ow!

- What was that?
- That was a load of batteries!

I know what they were!

But why'd ya drop 'em on
me?! She got the answer wrong!

Good point. More batteries!

What do you mean... no!


Okay, that's-that's
borderline dangerous!

Yeah, why don't you just drop
a car battery on her head.

Car battery!


[ Music ]

The topic is bugs.



Yay. I know all about bugs.

Yeah, because you are one.

I wish.

The question!

What kind of spider likes
to eat dead, rotting flesh?

Easy. It's the northern speckled...



He didn't even answer the question!

Why'd you drop a toilet on his head?!

Not sure, sometimes things go wrong.

[ Groaning ]

Uh, tell ya what, let's give
each team a hundred points!

And pretend this never happened.

[ Music ]

We're back. Everyone on set please.

I um...

I thought it was just
a game show, I'm...

I'm so sorry, you guys.

No, we're sorry that you
haven't been doinked yet!

How is that possible?!

Back in five...

I'm sorry!




And we're back with a tie score!

Blue team, one right answer
and you guys win the...

The topic is U.S. states.


I'm gonna pick Cat.

- Cat...
- I'm ready!

I learned all about The States
with my new app... Test E-Z.

Your question!

Ah geez...

Wait! Is it...


Uh, judges?

And the blue team wins!

Alright Tori, come with me to
collect ten thousand dollars!

- Now stand right there.
- Okay!

And here comes your money!

Ah, look! Look at the money we get!

Alright, Tori, to get the ten thousand
dollars, all ya gotta do is grab it.

- Take it home.
- I... I can do that!

Oh... um... what are we...

On the floor?

When you hear me yell "grab that
cash!" You have ten seconds to get it.

Ah... what is this...

What is your...

[ Bell dinging ]

Nine... eight... seven...

Six... five... four only four seconds...

Three... two... one...

[ Buzzer ]


And no money for anyone!

Tune in next time for...

Get comfortable.

We're gonna be here for awhile.

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