Victor & Valentino (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Lonely Haunts Club - full transcript

Instead of celebrating Valentine's Day, Vic and Val take on a dare to explore a haunted mansion with their rivals, Charlene and Pineapple.


- -Whoa!
- -Whoa!

- Bleh!
- Gross!

What is it with

all this mushy nonsense?

- And why are there
- pink and red butts everywhere?

Those aren't

pink and red butts.

They are hearts.

It's the Day of Love...

Día de los Amantes!

They say if you kiss

on El Día de los Amantes,

you will stay together


Whoever invented this holiday

is a sick, sick man.

Or woman.

- Either way, - it's sick.

Sick, I tell you!

Well, lucky for me,

I have two handsome dates

to see my favorite

romantic movie, "Love Tornado."

There is nothing

I would rather do tonight

than see this movie

with you boys.

Three tickets, please.


only one ticket left.

See you after the movie,


Grandma's game is cold.

At least we don't have to

see "Love Tornado."

- -Aah!
- -Aah!

- Hi, Charlene - and Pineapple.

I thought

I smelled rotten meat.

Shame the movie's

sold out.

But Pineapple and I are going

to an abandoned mansion

to see the ghost

that haunts it.

Yeah, so?

Well, I wanted to see

if you wanted to come

ghost hunting with us?

Ghost hunting

with you?

We'll pass, thanks.

Aw, what's the matter?


Ah! My wax hole!

- I'm not scared - of anything!

- That's why they call me
- Victor the Contagious!

- -It's "courageous."
- -Whatever.

See, Pineapple, I told you

they were scaredy-cats.


- Hey, you take
- that cat impression back!

- I'm not afraid of anything!
- Let's go!

- Wait, Vic!
- They're our rivals.

They're probably trying

to trick us.

- We'll let - you chickens

figure it out.

Wait! I'm no chicken.

We're in.



This is the house where

one of the early settlers

of Monte Macabre lived.

He was a painter who created

many of the murals in town.

He fell in love

with an amazing woman...

his amante...

And covered the town

with beautiful murals of her.

But it would all lead to ruin

when, on their wedding day,

she left him at the altar.

He died of a broken heart.

Legend has it,

his ghost awakens

every Día de los Amantes,

seeking revenge.

If he thinks

you're his amante,

he will appear and turn you

into a painting... forever!


I mean cool.

Let's summon him

by tricking him into thinking

his amante has returned.

- How are we
- supposed to do that?

Hmm. Well, she's always painted

with flowers in her hair.

So pick some flowers.


Now give them to me.

Thank you.

- -Ugh!
- -Aah!

So, did we summon

El Pintor?

Let's go into the house

and find out.

Yes, I can sense him.

Welcome to the abode

of El Pintor!

- This is ridiculous.
- Come on, Vic.

You don't want to go in this

house with these creepy creeps.

Join me, Vic.

Join me.

Leave, Val.


It's okay

if you're too scared.

I'm not too scared!


- Can't you see
- she's manipulating

- Your vulnerable sense
- of masculinity?!

- Pineapple, surely
- you don't believe...

Uh, Pineapple?




Where am I?

Oh, a door!

W-W-Was that the ghost?

He awakens!

- Well, good!
- Wake him up! I'll put him right back to sleep!

Uh, hey, wait up!

Those creeps

are up to something.

I know it.


El Pintor?



"Plan... Bring Vic and Val

to spooky house.

Kidnap Val.

Make ghosty sounds.

Día de los Amantes kiss!"

I knew it!

There is no El Pintor!

- Charlene brought Vic here
- for a date.

- If I don't stop them
- from kissing,

- Vic will be stuck
- with her forever!

The ghost is close!


Romantic poetry!

Maybe if you read

some love poems out loud,

El Pintor

will show himself.

Lame. But I guess if it brings

out the ghost, I'll do it!

Make sure you read it


"Love is so kind.

Love is so true.

Love is the best

when it's me and y-you"?

Hmm. Maybe El Pintor

is in the hallway.

Yeah, let's go!

Hey! Did the eyes

in that painting just blink?

- He's looking - for his amante!

Quick! We need to make him

think we're her!

- But he's gonna see
- that there's two of us.

Unless we pretend

to be one.

I know! If we hold hands

and walk side by side,

- he'll think
- we're one person!

Great idea, Victor!

Follow my lead.

This foot,

that foot.

Left foot,

other left foot.

Left foot, that foot.

This foot, that foot.

Other left foot!

Oh, look!

A romantic dinner!

I bet if we sit down and start

eating together by candlelight,

he'll finally appear!

-Great idea, Victor.

Stupid ghosts.

- They're so easy - to trick.

Wow, Victor!

You're so smart.

- Wait, - what's that sound?

- The ghost must be
- about to appear!

You did it, Victor!

Of course I did it.

I'm a didder.

All right, Vic,

where are you?!

Are you there, Vic?



El Pintor!

He draws closer!

I'm glad I brought my protective

"ghost shield" potion.

Want some?

Uh, there's no more left.

- Oh.
- Well, I can just share

Some of the protective ghost

shield potion that's on my lips.


Uh... here goes nothing.

Don't... Don't do it, Vic!

Charlene tricked you into

going on a date with her!
What?! I don't know what

he's talking about.

Val, look out!

El Pintor

has materialized!


El Pintor.

There is no El Pintor.


She brought you up here

for a Día de los Amantes date!

Hold your horses, Val.

I have definitely

not been on a date.

Alls I've been doing is picking

flowers, reading love poems,

holding hands, having

a romantic dinner for two,

and about to share

a Día de los Amantes kiss!


Pineapple, please tell me

you're doing this.

He's real!


You cannot leave!

Please don't turn us

into paintings!

I don't understand art!

I'm not going to

turn you into anything.

I'm just so lonely!

Do you have any idea

how sad it is

to spend every

Día de los Amantes alone?

I used to eat lunch by myself

in the second grade.

It was a rough time

in my life.

Second grade can be painful.

- Well, we aren't - your amante,

- But we could spend some time
- with you.

Yes, I've always wanted

to dine with the dead.


I'd like that very much.

Thank you, children.

I am so overjoyed

by your visit.

I think it has inspired

my best work in decades.

It's looking great!

- Ya know, Charlene -

- I actually had
- a pretty okay time.

Maybe Día de los Amantes isn't

such a bad holiday after all.

- But I'm still glad we didn't
- end up together forever, though.

Well, after hearing you

scream like a baby,

I'm not sure you're

boyfriend material anyway.

Oh, yeah?

I could be if I wanted to!

Anyway, El Pintor knows

I wasn't afraid of him.

Right, guy?

Yes, fantastic!

So maybe you'll come back to

see me next Día de los Amantes.

Yes! We'll all come back

and see you.

We'll call ourselves

the Lonely Haunts Club!