Vice Principals (2016–2018): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Foundation of Learning - full transcript

Hey, babe, check this out.

- Mm. Whoa.
- Uh-huh.

I told you it would show.

It's like a dog bite.

Guess I'll be wearing a
lot of scarves this week.

Yeah, I got a little crazy.

- Yes, you did.
- So here's something.

Um...

What do you think about
pressing pause for a while?

On what?

This whole thing.



Last six weeks, you had
planning seventh period,

so it was easy for us to sneak around

it was fun, but now
you've got a class seventh,

we don't get to hang till after work,

and then it all has to be arranged.

I liked it better when it was more...

spontaneous.

Wha...

No.

We're done because I have
to work seventh period,

- and you don't?
- I mean...

kind of.

Surely it has to be something
more than seventh period.

I'm not complicated, kid. That's it.



Okay, yeah.

Sure.

Whatever. That's, yeah, awesome.

- So, you're okay? You're not hurt?
- Hurt?

Not me. Mm-mm.

- You are such a cool kid.
- Yeah.

- Uh, we should get to school though.
- Mm-hmm.

Um, do you want to peace out first

and then I'll head out in like five?

- You got it.
- Great.

- Okay. - All right. Feel free to
finish your cereal and stuff.

- Okay.
- There's juice in the fridge.

I'm good. Thank you.

Well, I have some very,
very bad news, Dr. Brown.

We lost track of over
600 brand-new textbooks.

Paid for and then vanished.

Now, how does one lose 600 textbooks?

Are we sure they were delivered?

Oh yeah. Got the slip right here.

Signed for by Ms. LeBlanc.

Ms. LeBlanc?

- The head of the English department?
- Mm.

I call her Ms. LeBitch.
I do not like her.

And is there anybody

- at the school you do like, Mr. Gamby?
- Well actually for once,

Gamby's right. Veteran school teacher,

zero respect for administrators.

Thinks she runs the damn school.

Sound like someone need a smack-down.

So what's the problem?

Welles was scared of her.

Let her do whatever she wanted.

- His fear created a monster.
- Well, now, it's not all Welles' fault.

I mean, she was pretty
much a bitch when she got here.

She's got deep union ties,

- Mm-hmm. - well liked by
the students and faculty.

He just didn't like tussling with
her. He knew it was a losing battle.

Some books she signed for went
missing like this two years ago.

- Yeah.
- Welles just swept it under the rug.

My theory,

she's ordering more than she needs

and selling them to a third party.

Probably figuring no one's checking

'cause it's all
backed by tax dollars anyway.

Everybody thinks it's free when
Uncle Sugar is footing the bill.

Stealing books from children?

- Books!
- Books!

The foundation of learning!

Now, that's some low shit.

- Low shit.
- That's some...

dirty, dirty shit for sure.

Anyway, if you decide to move
on this, do it delicately.

LeBlanc is a force to be reckoned with.

- Mm-hmm.
- So am I, Mr. Russell.

So am I.

Keep it to one side, please,

or go to class.

Hey!

A History teacher in
the English hallway.

- Somebody lost?
- You wish, kid.

No, I'm trying to find my TA.

- I think she's lost.
- You have a TA?

Billy!

Oh, I was surrounded by freshmen.

- Thank God. Save me.
- Ugh. Ugh.

Uh, Carrie, this is

Amanda Snodgrass. She
teaches English here.

- Howdy. Hey.
- Hey!

I'm, um, just finishing up my degree.

Just gotta knock out this TA thing.

Luckily, they put me with, uh...

Bill-Bill!

Ha! Bill-Bill!

Awesome.

Yeah.

Anyway, we gotta run, kid.

- I'll see you later.
- Yeah. Me too.

Nice to meet you.

You too.

Bye.

Smell you later.

It's wildly inappropriate,
but I love that butt thing.

- I know!
- I think that's gonna be our thing.

It's, like, our thing
now that we have together.

Um, Ms. Snodgrass
wondered if you had a moment.

What are you doing, Swift?

You announce that someone's here,

you see if I'm ready to see them,

then you bring them in. You
don't do it all at once.

Sorry.

"I'm sorry."

Are you sorry though? 'Cause
you keep doing it.

You are dismissed.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

- This a bad time?
- No, it's fine.

Trying to break her in.

Treat her like shit,
so she'll be better.

Okay.

- Just looking at some pictures of my daughter.
- Oh, yeah?

- Can I see?
- Yeah, if you want to.

Some snaps I took of her.

- Oh, look at her!
- Yeah, I bought that horse.

She looks just like ya.

Actually she doesn't.

She carries around a lot of
weight for a girl her age.

- It's from her mom's side.
- Oh, she'll grow out of that.

I had a lot of chub on
me when I was her age.

I find that hard to believe.

I bet you were every bit as
attractive at 13 as you are now.

Nope. No, no.

I was quite a mess.

Well, Janelle is going through

her own little messy
stage right now too.

She's gotten into motocross.

- Motocross?
- Yeah.

With motorcycles and dirt bikes,

- jumping over ramps and hills.
- Yeah.

I know. I love motocross.

My older brother used to ride.

Me, him, and my dad would go down
to the track all the time.

It was awesome.

Oh, well, maybe it's changed
since you used to be involved

with it 'cause now it's not awesome.

I mean, she was into horseback riding,

- which is, like, a classic hobby, you know?
- Mm-hmm.

Dignified, less rednecky.

I just got a lot of mixed emotions
when it comes to motocross.

Um, well, if she's into it,

then maybe you should give it a shot.

- Get involved.
- Huh.

Wow.

- You may have something there.
- Mm-hmm.

I mean, if she's into motocross,

and motocross is Ray's thing,

then I should just make it my thing.

- That's good.
- Who's Ray?

He's a man with limited abilities.

I'm gonna master his
talents and render him useless.

Thank you for that. I appreciate it.

- Yeah, you're welcome.
- Wow.

Is there, uh, something
you wanted my help with?

Oh, yes! Um...

uh, the last six weeks,

I had planning seventh period,

and then this six weeks, it
got shifted to second period,

which is just...

So, I was just wondering, can
I get it back to seventh?

- Cinchy.
- Yeah?

Yeah, you came to the right place.

- That's awesome!
- Yeah.

- You want seventh period
planning? You got it. Great. - Yes.

- I'll put you on the list. You'll have
it next term. - Um, next term?

- After Christmas?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, I'm gonna need it now actually.

Oh, well, Ms. Snodgrass, I
appreciate your help with motocross,

but school policy
states a teacher can't shift

their schedule during a grading cycle.

Has to happen in between cycles.

There's no wiggle room in there?

No wiggly room.

Anything else?

No, no. Thanks.

- Are you sure you're okay?
- Oh, yeah.

- You look like you're about to throw up.
- Mm-mm.

I'm still trying to picture you
fat, and I just can't picture it.

- Oh.
- You know?

- Go ahead and leave the door open.
- Okay.

Yeah. I'm just kidding.

I just wanted to see your body again.

Go on. It's fine. It's over.

Okay.

Turn around, Swift.

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on back.

Come on.

See my hand?

Come on! Come on! Back! Back! Stop!

Fucking... God!

Freaking idiot.

Think I might have clipped
your satellite dish.

- Is this all of 'em?
- All 600. Western Lit.

Eggs with Legs
is kicking a hornet's nest.

LeBlanc will rally every
teacher and student against Brown.

This calls for pizza.

- I say margherita. What say you?
- I can't.

I gotta go home and study motocross.

That's all my daughter
cares about these days.

- I thought she was into horses.
- Yeah, she was,

until Ray got her invested in
something I know dick all about.

I can't believe you
have a nemesis named Ray.

What a stupid fucking name.

Go... Just go the fuck back inside.

Oh, fuck! A spoon?

You're gonna fucking
throw a spoon at me?

- Russell...
- Get your fucking ass inside!

- Take care, bud.
- Just get... Just get inside!

I will dig up all your fucking kimchi!

Whoo!

Yeah!

You're a natural, baby.

- Beautiful!
- Yeah?

- That was gorgeous.
- Yeah.

Janelle!

Whoa, it's Dad.

- Awesome day for a motorcycle race.
- Wow, Neal.

- I never knew you rode.
- Yeah, of course I ride, Ray.

I don't know what the
big fucking deal is.

- Fuck.
- Ridiculous.

How much did you spend on that, Neal?

This bike is a pretty penny.

This is a sweet bike, man.

Goddammit, Ray.

Get off my bike.

I bought the motorcycle with
the blood money I got

for selling Shadowfax.

I thought you said that money
was going towards my college fund.

Since you decided to pursue motocross,

I assumed you're not going to college.

- Neal!
- Gale!

I can say your first name too, okay?

- You're not special. Don't act like you are.
- It's okay, Dad.

I'm just glad you're into motocross now.

Isn't it cool?

Honestly, sweetheart, no, it's not cool.

But you're my daughter,

so I'm gonna be
invested in anything that you are

because I love you.

I love you too, Daddy.

- That's awesome.
- Ray,

you gotta show Daddy how
you can do wheelies.

- Yeah.
- You gotta see him.

Do one, baby.

It's awesome.

Like the coolest thing in the world.

A wheelie the
coolest thing in the world?

- Yeah.
- Whoo!

- Braap braap!
- Braap, braap! Yeah, Ray!

Braap!

Yeah!

Yeah, Ray! Braap, braap!

Whoo!

Yeah, Ray! Braap, braap!

Yeah, actually, wheelies
are pretty cinchy.

- Can you do a wheelie?
- Yeah, Neal, can you?

You know, I came
here to support Janelle,

not be an attention hog like Ray.

The motherfucker's still up!

Whoo!

Oh, my gosh!

- That's my step-daddy.
- Yeah.

That boy good.

"I've lost my reputation.

My reputation, lago."

"I thought you had received
some bodily wound.

There is more sense in
that than reputation.

Reputation is an idle and
most false imposition

oft got without merit, and
lost without deserving."

Wait, stop.

How would you feel if I
called you a big, dumb jerk?

I would be impugning your
reputation, wouldn't I?

And what if you couldn't fight back,

which, of course, you can't because
I'm a helpless old lady?

That's what's happened to Cassio.

His reputation is ruined.

Iago, the liar, tries to comfort him.

But the thing is, our bodies recover.

Our reputations, on the other hand...

Final analysis.

Defend your reputation with your life,

for it is everything.

Now please continue
to work independently

for the rest of class while
I attend to our visitors.

So what is this very urgent issue?

We'll try not to take
up too much of your time.

Every minute of my class
time is valuable, Dr. Brown.

You know what else is
valuable? Textbooks.

Now, tell me, Ms. LeBlanc,

is that your signature right there?

Western Lit. Yeah.

600 copies of?

Of course not. 60 maybe.

Well, 600 copies were delivered.

Well, somebody added a zero to my order.

Just send them back.

We'd love to, but we can't seem
to find the textbooks anywhere.

They've just upped and disappeared.

Are you accusing me of something?

Oh, no, ma'am.

Ain't no reason to
get all defensive now.

Ain't no reason for double
negatives, Dr. Brown.

You correcting my English now?

Well, I am an English teacher.

I am not an underground book dealer.

I did not order 600 books

nor did I receive 600 books.

- Case closed.
- No.

Case is not closed.

Not until we get to the bottom of this.

I need to prepare for my next class,

so if there's nothing else?

That'll be all.

Good.

Okay, so when you split an infinitive,

you're putting
something, usually an adverb,

- in between two...
- Ms. Snodgrass?

Could I please speak to
you outside for a moment?

Ooh!

Get a life.

Okay, I will give you planning
period back on seventh

if you teach me to ride

this stupid fucking motorcycle I bought.

You bought a motorcycle?

Yeah. You told me to. You
told me to get involved.

But what you didn't tell me is
that motocross is hard as shit.

And Ray's actually pretty good at it.

He popped a wheelie and rode it longer
than anyone I've ever seen before.

It was like watching
a supernatural being.

He went twelve o'clock, huh?

What... what's that?

It's a term for a wheelie.

It's what my brother used to call it.

Okay, well, can you teach
me to go twelve o'clock?

First things first, you
want to show me what you got.

Let's have you do
a... a lap around the field.

- Just zip around?
- Yep.

Okay.

Hit the jammer here.

Uh, Neal, pull the clutch in.

- Okay. I got it. Yeah, yeah.
- Nice and smooth on the throttle.

Stop hovering, okay? You're
making me nervous.

- Back up. Back it up.
- Okay.

Goddammit.

Whoa. Aah! Fuck!

- Hey, you got it?
- Yeah, yeah.

Yup. Bam. There we go.

Um, well, you need to loosen up.

You look, uh, you look awkward.

I feel like I look pretty cool.

No, you do not.

Once you feel comfortable,

it'll all come naturally,
so just practice a bunch.

Practice a bunch.

- That's what you got for me?
- Mm-hmm.

I... I don't have
time to practice a bunch.

My daughter's motocross is in two days.

Uh, well, you better get lapping.

And good luck. I'm excited for you.

- Can I have seventh period back now?
- No, ma'am.

The deal was for you to teach
me how to go twelve o'clock,

not give me some
bullshit, broad strokes lesson.

- Oh, come on, Neal.
- You come on. This is what you got for me?

I come out here and you're just
gonna watch me go around one time?

- I gave you some solid advice.
- Oh, to believe in myself?

What a disappointment.

Okay, well, thank you. Thank you.

- No. No thank you.
- Bye.

Yes. Goodbye.

Knock, knock.

Ms. LeBlanc, we got
off on the wrong foot.

May I get a redo?

Dr. Brown, I understand
what's going on here.

You have lost hundreds of books

through mismanagement, and
you need a scapegoat.

You are a two-bit,
flavor-of-the-month principal.

I teach children.

Without me, there is no education.

Without you, who cares?

How many people remember that
one great principal they had?

Zero. That's how many.

Exactly zero.

You think I'm unmemorable?

You keep talking, you uppity hippie.

I will take those Birkenstocks

and shove 'em up your pretentious ass.

Threats now? This is outrageous.

I'm calling Superintendent Haas.

You have crossed the wrong bitch.

I'll give you something to remember.

Watch your face.

All right, guys, it's time to write
down those study questions

for Elizabeth Barrett
Browning's "If Thou Must Love Me."

Question one, why does the
speaker want to be loved?

Question two, for how long does
the speaker hope to be loved for?

Do you know what
happens to kids your age

if you smoke too much marijuana?

You grow tits.

Giant turkey tits hanging
down to your knees.

Your estrogen levels get messed up

and you'll have breasts out to here

- by the time you're seniors.
- Mr. Gamby?

Do you mind if I have a word?

Ooh!

Man, shut the fuck up.

If you want to go twelve o'clock, Neal,

you gotta believe.

Okay. I believe. Now what?

Now you get comfortable.

Hop on.

Okay.

Okay.

- Ooh...
- Ooh, no. I'm sorry.

- What are you doing?
- I'm just trying to be respectful.

Well, give me your hands.

Okay.

- Whoo!
- Whoa!

That's it!

Nice!

Yeah, that's it, Neal!

Nice and smooth!

Come on.

Come on.

Shit!

Neal...

Goddammit. Something's
wrong with this stupid bike.

Hit the gas harder, Neal.

You got this!

I don't think it's
gonna work, but I'll try.

Come on.

Holy shit!

Yes, Neal!

Twelve o'clock!

Neal!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Holy shit!

I did it!

I fucking did it!

Oh, fuck!

Well, I can't thank you enough.

Learning to twelve
o'clock is just the thing I need

- to finally crush my ex-wife's husband.
- Yeah.

Fuck that guy.

And as agreed, here's your new schedule.

Gamby promise fulfilled.

Awesome. Thank you, Neal.

I don't know if you'd be interested
in coming to Janelle's race.

I could sure use the backup.

I... I mean, I would love to,

but now that I have this period back,

- I should... I've been missing...
- Use it for planning. Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Of course. Yeah.

- I'm sorry if that was crossing a line
or anything. - Oh, no, no, not at all.

- Thank you for the invite.
- Cool.

- Would have been cool.
- Yeah, super cool.

Good luck with your work.

Good luck with the race.

You're a good teacher.

Okay.

- Adios.
- Bye.

Tomorrow is the day!

Conflict resolution with
the school board!

We played those
bitches like a Jew's harp!

Are you clear on what
you gotta do tomorrow?

Yeah, I'm clear. Look at that, huh?

Looks like it's been
there the whole time.

Yes, it does.

Hey, you've been pretty radio silent

about where things
left off with Moto Tits.

After she taught you how to ride bikes,

did she teach you how to ride her?

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, you don't want to talk about it?

No, I'm not talking about
it. It's not your business.

You struck out, didn't you?

Don't worry about what I did.

She's probably a dyke, Gamby.

She's not a dyke, Lee.

Motorcycles. I wouldn't be too sure.

Well, I'm sure that she's not.

All right? She's not like that.

Move. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

She might be a dyke.

She's not a dyke!

Don't say she's a dyke. Do you hear me?

It's not like that. We
like each other, okay?

We're just friends
though. It's a work thing.

She might be a dyke.

- Good night, Lee.
- Good night, Blue Balls.

Don't have blue balls, so stop
saying it 'cause I don't have it.

So, that's a dumb thing to say.

I can't believe this bitch has me
coming down to the school board.

- Oh-ho.
- I might have to eat some shit on this one.

Okay... if that's
how you want to play it.

Well, look, I can't
prove the bitch did it.

It's her attitude that
make her guilty in my mind.

Well, she is guilty as fuck.

But...

Well, I guess it doesn't really matter.

The only thing that
matters is who has the power,

and sometimes...

the wrong person has the power,

like Ms. LeBlanc.

Bullshit.

I am the one who has the power here.

You're goddamn right.

Dr. Brown, your allegations

are of great concern to us.

Ms. LeBlanc has cooperated
with Dr. Brown's inquiries,

even when she threatened
her with bodily harm.

Mr. Union Man can kiss my ass.

She's exaggerating.

I asked her some
questions. That's all that was.

You were insulting and
threatening like an animal.

- Like an animal?
- Yes.

- Huh. What kind of animal?
- A pretty vicious one.

- Just say what you mean.
- No, no.

You come into our
school and act like a dictator.

- "Our school"?
- Well, you don't know anything about us.

- Oh, so now we're taking ownership of things?
- Yes. Yes, we are.

Let me tell you you took
ownership of textbooks

- that did not belong to you.
- I did not. I don't...

- I have no idea where...
- Where are the textbooks?

Hey!

- Did you find those books yet?
- No, I still haven't found jack shit.

I hate to do this to you, but my boss
wants to make sure they're not here.

- Would you mind triple-checking for me?
- Sure.

- ...into my school, act like a...
- Don't Michelle Obama me!

- All... all right.
- You walk into my school,

- All right, that... that's enough.
- And you act like a...

- What's this "we" we're talking about?
- All right! Enough!

Good lord. Let's just
take a breath, shall we?

Now, Dr. Brown, Ms.
LeBlanc has served our district

for 25 years now,

and her record has been nothing
short of exemplary.

So, I'm finding it a
little hard to believe

that she'd be stealing books from us.

Well, I haven't been here long,

and I'm sure at some point,

Ms. LeBlanc was a good teacher.

I'm sorry I never saw that version

because the version that I see now

thinks that she doesn't
have to follow the rules.

Now, did I see her take the textbooks?

No, I did not. But can I see someone

with a mindset like that who would?

You bet your ass I can.

Now, you can bring the union in,

you can bring whoever you want.

But the fact is, that is
still your signature on that slip,

and you can't answer where
those books went.

Oh. Thank you.

Uh... it seems the
textbooks have been found.

They were misplaced in our warehouse.

You heard how she spoke to me.

She is a bully and I will make sure

that every teacher in
this school knows it.

Oh, my Lord.

I think we're done here.

We're done.

Um...

Lee Russell on one.

- Gamby speaking.
- If you'd like to make a call...

Goddammit. Swift, get in here.

If you're so tech-savvy,

how come you can't
transfer a simple phone call, huh?

I think it got dropped on the other end.

Well, why don't
you go and try to bring it

back onto this end?

Gamby for Russell.

Russell on one.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Timing couldn't have been more perfect!

Bitch went straight on a
rant out of Stand and Deliver,

then bam!

That's good to hear.

- We definitely needed a win.
- Yes, we did.

Haas is practically screaming

in her face right now. Oh, my God.

- I wish you could see this.
- I wish I could see it,

but I gotta go beat
Ray's ass at motocross.

Yeah, well, you break his neck.

Turn him full-fucking-quad.

Yeah, hopefully I will.

Maybe have to drink through a straw.

- Wouldn't that be awesome?
- Oh, I know you will!

All right. I'll see you, player.

I suggest we get started on
some kind of a letter-writing campaign.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- I thought you had class this period.
- Mm-mm.

- I got it switched.
- Switched?

- Yeah.
- How the hell did you manage that?

Well, it wasn't easy, but it's done.

Now I'm free.

- Shall we skip?
- Um...

I have some work I need to do.

I need to focus.

But you said that the
problem was seventh period

and now I fixed it, so come on, Bill.

Give me another shot.

So serious.

Um...

I'll tell you what, uh, Carrie wanted

to go through some
lesson plans with me.

Do you mind if she tags with?

Y... yeah, sure. Okay.

- Love it.
- Okay.

- Give me a second.
- See you in a second.

So Snodgrass wants to skip
out, um, last period.

- Okay.
- We all work together,

- we might as well hang out, right?
- Yeah!

- All right. Get your stuff.
- That sounds fun!

- I'll meet you outside.
- Okay, yeah!

Oh, have a good night, Mr. Gamby.

I'm sorry you made me yell
at you today. Good evening.

Hey.

Hey.

I just wanted to know if you were
still looking for some backup.

Yeah.

Janelle. Gale. Cuckold.

- Hey, Dad.
- Who's this?

Hey. I'm Amanda.

- Oh.
- This the girl we've been hearing so much about?

- What?
- No, I'm not talking about her.

Shut the fuck up, Ray.

Neal, what's this all about?

I'm sensing, like, a
big presentation coming on.

"Presentation"?

You have no fucking clue, Gale.

Neal, remember everything you learned

and just don't overthink it.

You got this.

Quick question.

Any of you guys know what time it is?

'Cause I believe by my
watch it's about twelve o'clock.

Braap, braap.

Whoo! Come on, Neal! You've got this!

Come on! Whoo!

Come on, Daddy!

Come on, Neal!

Twelve o'clock, boys!

- Neal! Neal!
- It's okay.

Oh, my God! Neal!

What are you doing, asshole?

Ray, you know this fucking idiot?

Yeah. I'm sorry, Mike.

- He's an inexperienced rider.
- I've done it one time before!

Get him the fuck out of
here before he kills somebody!

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Goddammit, I got this,
Ray! Reset the bike.

- I'm gonna do it again!
- Dad you're ruining this for me.

You're not making it fun.

Every time you come, there's
all this pressure.

I'm just trying to be
a part of your hobbies.

Neal.

I hate to do this, but...

track manager says if you don't
leave, he's gonna call the cops.

I'm already leaving.

Neal.

Those books weren't there.

I must have called 10 times.

Well, you win some, you lose some.

No biggie, B. I got your back on this.

And for this to be an oversight?

- I know.
- And with this woman in particular,

the biggest bitch in the school.

It's almost like I was led to a trap.

Oh, well, you being paranoid now, B.

I'll tell you what.

Let me make your
special afternoon coffee.

It always makes you feel better.

Oh, Mr. Russell...

Sorry.

A bug flew in my mouth and
I was just trying to, um...

I'm gonna throw this one away

and make you a whole brand-new one!

New cup.

You want, uh, two...
two... two sugars, right?