Vice Principals (2016–2018): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Principal - full transcript

And so it goes, gentlemen.

For the final time...

Old Glory rises by these hands.

Suffice to say, it has been an honor.

Yeah.

It's gonna be okay, sir.

I... I just know that Maria's
gonna pull through.

I'm just so sorry to leave both
of you in this situation...

principal-less just as the
school year is picking up steam.

But Maria needs me now.

Uh, Principal Welles?



I... I don't want to make
light of the situation,

but for my own knowledge, sir,

and if you don't feel
comfortable saying,

please feel free to decline,

but do you know who
will be replacing you?

Oh, here come the buzzards.
Why don't you just let

the man grieve for his dying wife, huh?

Give him that.

Superintendent Haas

has yet to make a decision.

Quite frankly,

I could give a damn whoever it is.

Just remember one thing,

it's all about the students.



It's not about you two.

That's very wise.

I get it. I mean, it might take

a little while for it to
sink in with this one here,

but I hear you loud and clear.

- It's a Gamby promise.
- Go to hell, Gamby.

Make me go to hell, Lee.

- Enough.
- Enough.

- You enough.
- Oh, fuck off.

- No, I will not.
- Fuck off!

You fuck yourself off. If
you like it so much, you...

You fuck, Fuck you.

Just say the goddamn pledge!

Fuck-head.

Shit fucker.

I pledge allegiance

to the Flag

of the United States of America

and to the Republic for which it stands,

one Nation under God,
indivisible, with liberty

- and justice for all.
- Aah!

I'm going to turn around
now, knuckleheads.

That was a good pledge, sir.

It was a very good pledge, sir.

Yeah!

Attention, attention, Mr.
Gamby.

Please report to the main lobby.

Attention, attention, Mr. Gamby.

- Please report to the main lobby.
- Stop it!

Move! Move, move, move,
move, move, move!

Move!

Ooh!

Okay, that was not smart.

Get to my office. Get out
of the fuckin' hall.

Down there, get up!

Go!

What are y'all watching, a cage match?

Get back to class, you savages!

Principal Welles' last day at school,

and this is the day you
all decide to throw down.

It's not very respectful, if you ask me.

Makes me sick just looking
at all three of you.

Sick to my stomach.

You see that paddle over there?

That paddle used to belong to my
father when he was a principal.

You wanna throw punches in the hallway?

I will pull that paddle
down and it will swing.

We were just kidding around.
Josh, shut it.

Matthew, what happened?

Oh, I can help.

He was being bullied.

He didn't throw a single punch.

Ms. Snodgrass, I know that it's probably

a very dramatic thing
for a beautiful woman

like yourself to witness
such barbarianism,

but please allow me to conduct
the investigation, okay?

Matthew, go head.

Josh is right.

We were just playing around

and got carried away.

All right, stonewall me, man.

I can't help you if you don't let me.

Neal! Ga... Ga... Mr. Gamby,

excuse me, but obviously these two

are pressuring Matthew
into not saying anything.

And take it from me,
he's a good student.

Yeah, I understand.

Uh, I deal with them on a
regular basis, all right?

Now, I get it. You're a new teacher.

You're full of ideals.
Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

But you're a little out of
your jurisdiction, okay?

We got a zero-tolerance policy

when it comes to
violence in this school.

Doesn't matter who started it.

Everyone gets punished.

Corey L., five days out
of school suspension.

You pop me one more time,
you son-of-a-bitch,

and I will bounce you right
the fuck out of this school.

Get up and get out.

You know, I should slap
you across your mouth.

You punch like a woman.

Potter, Josh Props,

Five days in-school suspension.

Potter, I don't want to
see you in here again.

Do you understand me?

Josh Props, I know I'll see you again,

so until next time.

Get out of my face right now.

Make me sick.

Uh...

Mr. Gamby?

Guess we took care of that, huh?

I can't believe you're gonna put
something like that on Matthew's record.

- Rules are rules.
- Yeah, but if a rule is unfair,

then maybe it shouldn't be enforced.

Well, you know, that might be the way

some vice principals operate,
but that's not the way I do.

But I have enjoyed this spirited debate.

Oh.

That's it?

Unless you got anything
else you wanna add,

I'mma check my email.

See ya.

Mm.

North Jackson High School.

You know what, I think
you want the hospital.

What's happening, Dayshawn?

What's the chatter amongst
the other workers, huh?

Who you all pulling for
in the principal race?

Oh, you know, they, uh,
they pulling for you.

- But, um...
- "But, um", what?

I don't know if you
well-liked enough, Mr. Gamby.

You know what I mean?

I mean, people got to like your ass.

Look... Look at Lee Russell over there.

He laughing it up with them teachers.

Now, how come the teachers
never invite you to eat lunch?

They do invite me to eat lunch.

They invite me all the time.
I just, you know,

I choose not to eat lunch with them.

They're just a bunch
of elitist assholes.

I mean, I'd much rather
spend my time befriending,

know, the...
the lower class workers.

You know, the guys like you and your
crew and Harold in maintenance.

I mean, those teachers,
they can come and go.

When you guys call out sick,
how do the floors get clean?

You know, how... how do
these children eat food?

When we call in sick,

the other guys just
pick up the slack, man.

It ain't that difficult to
move these trays around.

No, Dayshawn, look, what you do
is very important here, okay?

And when I become principal,

I'm gonna make sure you finally
get the respect you're due.

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.

You're gonna get us a raise?

No, no, it's not gonna be a raise.

I... I'm just gonna make
sure that, you know,

people don't look down
upon you like they do now.

I didn't know anybody was
looking down on me, but...

No, well, not everyone. I mean, I'm not.

But you know how students
look at you guys,

just like, "I would never
want to do that job."

But I'm gonna change
that image for you guys.

Yeah, but if you could
line up that raise...

Not gonna be a raise, Dayshawn.

Don't ask again.

Well, I'm just saying if
you can get me that money,

- a brother could use it.
- Jeremiah!

Pants up.

If you can get me some
more of that money...

Jeremiah, pants up, grades up!

- Like I was saying...
- Jeremiah!

This song is dedicated
to Principal Welles.

You're a true hero.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ It must have been cold
there in my shadow ♪

♪ To never have ♪

♪ Sunlight on your face ♪

♪ You were content to let ♪

♪ Me shine ♪

♪ That's your way ♪

♪ You always walked a step behind ♪

♪ Did you ever know ♪

♪ That you're my hero? ♪

No.

No. No. No.

♪ You're everything ♪

You two, I wanna know

what's so damn funny in my office

after the assembly. Do you hear me?

What is it? Is it her
voice that's funny?

Or maybe it's Ms. Welles dying.

You think that's funny.

It's not funny.

It's a beautiful moment
and you've ruined it.

You ruined it.

Laugh one more time.

Laugh again.

Put your hand down now.

Get it away from your mouth now.

♪ It might have appeared
to go unnoticed ♪

Mr. Sepanik,

please come to the front office.

Thank you.

What's so funny in here?

You guys makin' jokes?

No having fun at work.

Russell.

Now, that's...
Fucking cocksucker.

Why, hello, Mr. Gamby.

Uh, you remember Donna
from the school board.

Of course I do. Hello, Donna.

It's good to see you.

I was just leaving.

I'll see you tomorrow, Lee.

Call me later if you wanna have drinks.

You ambitious little weasel.

Sittin' in here kissing
the school board's ass.

That's pretty fucking
pathetic, don't you think?

- And I saw your little fucking sign.
- What sign?

Don't motherfucking play games with me.

Listen here, you. Come tomorrow,

there's a brand new principal in town,

and his name is Neal Gamby.

And those who want to be
catty little bitches,

well, they can kiss their
fucking jobs goodbye.

That is a Gamby promise.

You're so confident, aren't you, Gamby?

Too bad the school
board's still undecided.

No, they're not.

They know exactly who is
gonna be the principal.

Why is this job so
important to you, Gamby?

Is it 'cause you got absolutely
dick-all else going on in your life?

You wish you had my life.

A fucking divorced
loser is what you are.

Look at you, just rock hard

at the thought of all that power.

I know you like to think
about my dick, but don't.

- It's private property.
- Eat shit, Gamby!

No thank you, but have
fun imagining it though.

Cats.

Fucker.

Make one more fucking sign
and see what happens.

Go Janelle!

- Whoo! Yes!
- There you go.

- Nice work, baby.
- There you go. Right there.

- Nice work.
- Right there.

Right there.

I know. She's gotta keep
the heels down though.

Hello, Gale, Ray.

You're late.

Janelle just had a really good run.
You missed it.

Actually, I saw it when I was walking up.
Worry about yourself.

Hey, Janelle!

- Good job, baby! Good job!
- Whoo!

Keep your heels down, babes.

Keep your heels however
you want, Janelle.

Focus on yourself, not
on negative people

trying to get in your life,
tell you how to do things.

So I got the principal job today.

Cool.

Cool.

My success enrages you.

I actually don't care at all.

Oh, you don't care?
Sure, you don't care.

- Course you care.
- No, you're right, Neal.

I'm always thinking about you.

You're right. I forgot
it's all about you.

Well, actually, it's not about me

because my mentor's wife was
diagnosed with melanoma.

So, how silly do you sound now?

Oh, sorry to hear about that, Gamby.

That's awesome about the principal job.

You've been working really hard, man.

I knew good things were
gonna happen to you.

- Congrats, buddy.
- Ray, nobody asked you to chime in.

And it's not even official yet, so
don't go, like, running your mouth

all over town like you always do,

being a little gossip, a little hen.

I'm just impressed.

Must be tough wrangling all them kids.

I don't know how you do it, man.

Of course you don't
understand how I do it.

I bet if I told you I
just stole a man's wife

and family, you'd understand
how to do that, huh?

Why don't you go sit
somewhere else, Neal?

Nope.

Chilling with the older guy, definitely.

Yeah? What high school do you go to?

I'm only 13!

Hey, Dad.

Where does your shirt go?

I took it off. It was all sweaty.

Put it on.

- But Dad, it's nasty.
- Put it on.

- Okay, okay.
- Put it on.

- Got it!
- Get it on. Put it on.

Put it on. Get it on.
Get it... get it on.

Dad, I got it!

Move! Get out of here!

- Get it on. Push it on.
- Stop!

- Get it on.
- Don't! Gosh, Dad! I got it!

Look. I'm not trying to yell.
I just, I know, you've been

spending a lot of time with your mom,

and that's the kind of example she sets.

But you... you can't go around
being fast with the boys.

That's not how a lady acts.

All right, Dad.

Got some good news.

You're looking at

the brand new principal
of North Jackson High.

No way. So, that means
when I get to high school,

I can do whatever I want
and never get in trouble?

Oh, well, that's what
you'd think, but no.

Because people expect
that, I'll have to go

in the opposite direction,
be merciless to you.

All right, Janelle, come on, honey.
Let's go.

Fazoli's is gonna close.

Ray, I'm talking to my daughter,

not your daughter 'cause she's
never gonna be your daughter.

Okay, well, wrap it up, Neal.

Not married anymore, so you
can't tell me what to do.

My dad, a principal.

It's pretty awesome.

It is pretty awesome.

Come here.

- I love you.
- I love you too, Daddy.

Come on, baby!

My little girl.

See ya, Neal.

Fuck off, Ray.

Whatever you want.

Cool.

Neal Gamby, this is Sterling
Credit, a debt collector.

Please return our call
as quickly as possible.

Thank you.

Mr. Gamby, this is Superintendent Haas.

Just wanted to inform you
a decision has been made,

and we would love to sit
down and talk with you

first thing tomorrow morning.

Hope you're having a wonderful evening.

God bless now.

God, yes!

Yeah!

Fuck yeah!

Damn yes!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo!

Yes, this is Principal Neal Gamby.

Get your fat ass out of that chair.

Russell, do not try to
ruin this moment for me.

First thing I'm gonna do when I
become principal is fire you.

You're gonna lose everything.

Your house, your car,

your couch, anything
else you got on layaway.

You know, the first thing I'm gonna do

when I become principal is not fire you,

but keep you on staff as my slave.

I'm gonna take my dick and
slap it across your face.

Shut your mouth, you
sassy-ass motherfucker.

Excuse me, Superintendent Haas is here.

- Thank you, Mrs. Libby.
- Uh-huh.

- Hello, Mr. Gamby.
- Mr. Haas.

Good to see ya.

- Mr. Russell.
- Good to see you, Jeremy.

- Sad news about Welles' wife.
- So sad.

Gotta use your sun protection.

- Yes, you do.
- Mm-hmm.

Hell, my wife makes me use a strong SPF

even if I plan on being inside all day.

So smart. Your wife rules.

Yeah, she's good.

But we can't just dwell on the past.

You know, we gotta think
about the future.

Talk about what's to come. That's right.

I'm sure we all know

that Mr. Welles left

some large shoes to fill.

So big.

But I think we would up
with the right person.

- Hm.
- Someone with a lot of experience.

Gotta have experience.
Most important part.

And someone who's very likable.

- It's essential to be likable.
- Indeed.

- That's why...
- Knock, knock.

Here she is!

Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dr.
Belinda Brown,

the new principal at North Jackson!

I am so sorry

that I'm late.

There's a car parked

in the principal's space.

Dr. Brown was principal of several

very high achieving schools

in Philadelphia.

Oh, look at you being so nice.

And who's this sitting in my chair,

keeping it warm for me like a gentleman?

Excuse me.

My, this
campus is just lovely.

- Isn't it though?
- Mm!

Now, North Jackson's
not the newest school

Mm-hmm.

in the district, but it is to me

hands down the most charming.

Even more charming now that
you're here, Dr. Brown.

- Oh-ho-ho!
- Oh!

Why thank you, Mr. Russell.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

I see a bright future
for you here, darling.

- Oh!
- Fuck you, Russell.

Excuse me, Mr. Gamby?

Huh?

Just saying this is the hallway up here.

You feeling all right, Mr. Gamby?

You look a little pale.

Oh, it must be me.

I tend to have this effect on men,

leave them breathless.

Well, I know I can't breathe.

Faculty.

Who here thinks that Belinda
Brown needs to take

her big ol' butt back to Philadelphia?

Whoa, what's the big issue with Dr.
Brown?

Well, she's gonna run this school
into the ground. That's the issue.

She got her Masters from Berkeley.

Yeah, I bet she went to Berkeley,

and I'm pretty affirmative
about how she got in.

Whoa!

- That's kind of harsh.
- Here's what I'm proposing.

I'm gonna file a formal complaint
with the school board.

A complaint? What's it gonna say?

Gonna say they fucked up.
They chose the wrong person.

Maybe they need to reconsider things.

Maybe make me principal.

But what I'm gonna need

for this to work is all of you guys

to sign this complaint with me

so they know we mean business.

No, I'm not putting my name on that.

- Not a chance.
- Not a chance.

"Not a chance. Not a chance."

Y'all never backed me up before.

I don't know why I thought this
time would be any different.

Why don't you shut the fuck up?

Nobody here wants to listen
to your misguided bullshit.

If it isn't the snake in the shadows.

Russell, buzz the fuck off.

This has nothing to do with you.

Gamby, I think I speak for everyone here

when I say you're a jerk-off

and no one wants to sign
your stupid letter.

- Stupid letter?
- Yeah.

You know, I'm getting
pretty sick and tired

of that know-it-all mouth
of yours, Russell.

Oh, well then...

make your move, motherfucker.

Make your move, motherfucker,

- but you better have a gun, Mister.
- I don't need a gun.

Oh, you don't need a gun?

But if I did need a gun, I could
get a better gun than you.

Guys! Come on!

Bruce!

Bruce!

All right, all right! Hey, hey!
I said knock it off!

- Settle down!
- Bruce! Bruce!

All right, all right, all right!

Everybody settle down!

- Settle down!
- No need to get violent.

- No violence.
- Y'all heard it.

He talked about bringing
a gun to school.

Oh, you look so stupid right now.

I don't need any of y'all!

I'll take care of this shit myself.

- Surprise!
- Ah, shit!

- Neal!
- Goddamn it, Ray!

You broke my computer!

You don't like the surprise?

I don't even know what this is.

What are you doing here?

Janelle wanted to celebrate
your big promotion, man.

Why are you a part of this?

Bug here needed a ride and Gale, she...

she didn't want any part of it.

I should've known you were behind this.

I hate that you're about
to see me like this,

but I don't have the strength
to fight you anymore, Ray.

Damn it.

Is this what you wanted?

I didn't get the job.

They gave it to somebody else.

Oh, Neal, I hate that for you, man.

Why didn't they choose you?

Well, baby, when you're the person

enforcing the laws, you don't
get to make a lot of friends.

Not a lot of people like me.

People like you.

No, I know it's hard to
believe, but they don't.

I just expect a lot out of people,

and for whatever reason,
it pushes them away.

God knows it did your mom.

Hey, Gale's...

She got a shit-ton of
respect for you, Neal.

I'm not trying to get
back my ex-wife, Ray.

And please stop calling me Neal.

Well...

can't you get them to change their mind?

I tried.

I tried to rally the teachers
and get them to support me,

but like I said, nobody likes me.

Who cares about the teachers?

The students like you.

Don't they?

The students.

See?

They like you, right?

No, they don't.

You're completely wrong.

But it doesn't matter.

Because they fear me.

And that's even better.

My bad.

It is your bad.

Matthew Potter!

What's shakin'?

Just waitin' on the bus.

I'm your bus today.

Get in.

So how's I.S.S. been treatin' you?

So far so good.

So far so good?

You know what happens to smart kids

like you in I.S.S.?

You get turned the fuck out.

You know what "turned out" means?

No... no, sir.

It's when a straight
dude rolls in to prison

and gets his ass fucked,
then becomes a girl.

Well, that hasn't happened yet.

Yet? You've still got a
few more days in there.

Plenty of time for that shit to go down.

Big boys will come in,

push a little boy like you down,

maybe stick a textbook in your
mouth and go to fucking town.

You want that to happen to you?

- No.
- Yeah, I didn't think so.

What would you say, Matthew, if I
could get you out of I.S.S. today?

Get the whole goddamn thing
wiped from your record?

You're a good kid. You don't want
something like that following you around

when it comes time to apply for college.

I can set you free. Would you like that?

Well, yeah, but why?

I want you to organize a
mass-student walkout.

Arrange all your goddamn classmates

to get out of the school
at the same exact time

and protest at how much you
hate the new principal.

- Walkout? Like, leave school?
- Yeah.

All-school walkout today.

Every motherfucking student
in school at 2:03 PM.

Are we clear?

- Yeah.
- Boom.

That's what I want to hear.

- Oh! Uh...
- Hey.

Mr. Gamby, hey.

- You, uh, feeding your fishes?
- Sure am.

What kind are they? Gold?

Yep.

I just wanted to, uh, drop by and
give you a little bit of an update.

Matthew Potter's a good kid,
and, uh, you were right,

he doesn't deserve to have
the book thrown at him.

So, I've immediately
released him from I.S.S.

Wow.

That's a big turnaround for you.

What happened to the
"rules are rules" thing?

Well, I never really
said it like that, but...

- You did.
- Rule...

No, I didn't, but rules are rules.

I still believe that,

but also fairness is fairness.

You understand what I'm saying here.

Look, I... I know things have been crazy,

you know, with all the recent changes.

I'm sure that's why you
were popping off to me.

But, uh, I just wanted
to let you know that

you shouldn't give up hope just yet.

There's still some adults left
here at North Jackson High.

Oh, that's... that's...
that's good to hear.

Yeah.

You're strong. I like that.

The tides are turning, Ms. Snodgrass.

Good guys, they're about to win.

Look at Lee Russell.

That little sassy cuss.

Fuck you.

Bitch.

Don't matter. Let them have their fun.

Sounds like you up to
something to me, Mr. Gamby.

Let's just say all will
be revealed in due time.

The revolution will not be televised.

Oh, no. It's just gonna happen
regular in front of everybody

at approximately 2:03 PM today.

What you mean? Like a school
shooting or something?

No, Dayshawn, not like
a school shooting.

Don't be scaring these children.

I'm talking about a non-violent,

hearts and mind campaign.

Okay. That sounds dope.

Oh, yeah, it's definitely gonna be dope.

Super dope.

You're not gonna kill everybody, right?

No, Dayshawn. I told you, I'm
not gonna murder anybody.

Oh, we're so happy to have you here!

Oh, thank you! Ooh!

Not yet.

So I'm gonna need your help planning

my first faculty meeting.

I want the opportunity

to show myself, but also have some fun.

Oh. Um...

Ah!

Light bulb! Ice cream social!

Let them know how sweet you are!

Oh, Russell, you don't quit, do you?

Mr. Gamby, what's
your favorite ice cream?

Say who hey?

Hm?

What is your favorite ice cream?

I... I hate ice cream.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Makes me do diarrhea in my pants.

Can you excuse me for one second please?

Did I hear ice cream?

Goddammit.

Logarithmic functions.

I know that sounds
complicated, but I'm gonna

break it down for you,

and it's really not all that bad.

Okay, so if you have...

What the fuck is going on? It's 2:08 PM.

Where is my walkout?

I... I know. I tried.

I tried, I tried.

Couldn't talk any of your
friends into leaving school?

- Kids fucking hate school!
- Nobody would do it!

I tried, I promise.

Get your shit. You're
going back to I.S.S.

Our deal, it's done.

And I'm gonna find the biggest,

nastiest buck I can to come in there

and drill you right in your asshole!

Damn it!

Look. Speak of the devil.

Are we done here?

Well, actually, I'd love to
speak with you a moment.

- Have a seat.
- Uh, closed, right?

Yes, Lee. Thank you.

Mr. Gamby, it appears
that someone has filed

a complaint against me
with the school board.

Hm. That's interesting.

Is there anything you'd like to

get off your chest, Mr. Gamby?

I mean, nothing really
comes to the mind.

Well, this complaint says, and I quote,

"She's not very smart,
and if she's in charge,

"this school will suffer
in a horrible way.

"Dr. Brown only cares about herself.

"She really thinks she's something."

Now, who would write such a thing?

I don't know. I'm not sure.

Does it say who wrote it?

Why, yes, it does.

Okay, fine. I'll admit it.

I wrote the complaint against you.

Mr. Gamby, I've been doing
his for some time now.

Whenever a new principal shows up

at a school, you can guarantee

that people feel like
they've been passed over,

and often times, they
resent the new principal.

I can live with people resenting me.

That's fine.

But from now on,

you're going to be very cooperative

and very pleasant when dealing with me

because if you're not
cooperative, Mr. Gamby,

and if you're not pleasant,

I will drag your face all up and down
the parking lot of this motherfucker.

Now, do we understand each other, Mr.
Gamby?

Yes, Dr. Brown.

Wonderful!

Now, I would like for you to come
in two hours earlier every morning.

I want you to jump in

on the morning Driver's Ed program.

That means I gotta be here at 5:10 AM.

Is that a problem, Mr. Gamby?

No, it's not a problem.

Well, if that's all, you're dismissed.

Have a blessed day.

You have a... blessed day too.

Oh!

Thank you.

- Leave it open.
- Say who?

Open.

- The door?
- Leave it.

Thank ya.

Motherfucker.

Belinda's got you by the balls.

Driver's Ed. Tough break.

Yeah, well, at least
I'm not bending over

and taking it up the ass with a smile

like you are. Over.

You have no fucking clue.

While you've been throwing
your little tantrums,

filing your complaints,

I've been learning her weaknesses.

And when the time's right,
I'm gonna stab that bitch

in her big, fat back.

- I thought you loved Dr. Brown.
- Please.

She doesn't deserve to
sit behind that desk.

That should've been me.

And if not me, then maybe you.

You need to flip your shit around.

Me, then you.

Whatever, Gamby.

Just not her.

Fuck her.

Fuck her.

Now, she's my enemy,

and she's your enemy,

and my enemy's enemy...

Is my friend.

Shall we align...

friend?

Let's take that bitch down.