Veronica Mars (2004–2007): Season 3, Episode 9 - Spit & Eggs - full transcript
Dean O'Dell reinstates the Greek system on campus and, determined to solve the campus rape case, Veronica, along with Mac, Wallace and Piz, attends a party armed with coasters designed to test for drugs in the drinks of her peers. Meanwhile, Dean O'Dell hires Keith to investigate whether or not his wife is cheating on him.
You seen Veronica?
Not in a while.
Wallace! Piz!
Help!
If the Lilith House's mission
was to protect women on campus...
... I'm not sure this display
is doing the trick.
Sure, the board of trustees voted
to dismantle the Greek system...
... but there's still a rapist at large.
That hasn't changed.
So the boy can still smile.
It seems like a week
since I've seen his teeth.
Hey, handsome.
Not in front of the old man.
He's the jealous type.
Hey.
Hello, Dick.
I can't believe they got
such a perfect likeness.
Did you actually model for them?
Yeah. You know, that reminds me.
They left out one important detail.
Take a picture, ladies. It'll last longer.
Great job, Dick. I'm sure you won
that debate.
Well, he's a master debater.
You two kiss, hold hands, head to
the soda shop for some malts.
I'm out of here.
Okay, don't try and stop me.
You weren't outside
my criminology class. I waited.
Yeah.
Something wrong?
I can't do this anymore, Veronica.
You know, I've been thinking, and...
This isn't working.
You know, I don't think
I quite measure up...
...to the person that you want
me to be, and...
I just can't take feeling
like a disappointment anymore.
- Logan, I don't...
- Let me get this out, okay?
The other thing, you told me you
weren't built to let people help you.
- That's not exactly what I said...
- It's close.
And you know what?
I'm not built to stand on the sidelines.
I think we have a choice.
I think we can take a
tough-but-survivable amount...
...of pain now...
...or stay together
and deal with unbearable pain later.
So I vote for the pain now.
But I'm always here...
...if you need anything.
But you never need anything.
Yeah, but heavyweights weren't
always a freak show.
Ali, Frazier, those were fighters,
you know.
Just seems nowadays...
All the talent's in the lower
weight classes.
You're so right. The average
fight fan, he doesn't care.
You should be good.
Here, test it.
Hot damn. I'm back in business.
What would I do if you ever left me?
Call Human Resources
and have them send a replacement?
Just a guess. Listen,
you don't have hi-def yet.
I'll swing by when the receiver gets in.
- Page me if it goes out again.
- Thanks, Eli.
Oh, hard at work, I see.
This job is easy.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
I brought you the minivan.
You're gonna have to haul around
Graham's drums tonight.
I just got called up to Sacramento
to meet with Helm's people.
- Can't they send Wally?
- Wally's going too.
I need the Volvo keys.
I'm gonna be bored. I may be
forced to speak to our children.
Oh, remind them of how things
used to be. They love that.
I'll be home tomorrow by noon, okay?
You can order pizza, can't you?
I'm sure someone will show me.
Dean O'Dell? I'm sorry for interrupting.
What is it?
I have a man
who doesn't have an appointment.
He won't give his name
or put out his cigar.
Is that so?
Cyrus.
We need to talk.
So, Mel. What can I help you with?
You know what I liked best
about my days here at Hearst, Cyrus?
A quality education?
No.
It was hanging out on the front porch
of my frat...
...and watching the girls go by,
drinking beer.
I had such a good time here at Hearst,
in fact...
...that I've been very generous
over the years.
Wouldn't you say I've been generous?
Here you go.
- Veronica?
- I'm fine.
- We know.
- Never said you weren't.
- It's okay if you're not.
- You're Veronica.
I'm fine. Seriously. I just told
the two of you...
...because I figured you should know.
I'm not looking for a pity party.
That's good, because I always get stuck
blowing up the pity balloons.
- Is there anything that we can do?
- Nope.
We're done with this topic.
I just shared some info. Moving on.
Hey, gang. What's the word?
Is it avuncular?
No? Just a shot in the dark.
Set your dials to K-Ruff tonight.
We're moving on as to what to do...
...with the Greek Row ghost town
next semester.
I got this guy who wants to turn it
into an ROTC training battlefield.
Quality radio people.
What?
You say your wife doesn't kiss you
like she used to?
I know how it sounds, Keith.
- How long have you been married?
- Six years.
It simply sounds normal, Cyrus.
I'm sure everything's fine.
Still, I'd like to be able
to shake this feeling.
She's on the 4:30 to Sacramento.
She is, as she usually is...
...traveling with her associate,
Wally Wernke.
He's handsome. He's more
age-appropriate for my wife...
...I've seen him wipe
ranch dressing...
...from her chin
at a faculty function.
Will you take the case, Keith?
Hey, there you are.
Going somewhere?
Oh, very good, number one daughter.
You might make a detective yet.
I'm off to Sacramento.
A husband thinks his wife
is fooling around in Capital City.
Here's my hotel information.
You all right, honey?
- Logan and I broke up.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
Are you okay?
- I can put off this assignment.
- No. You go. I'm fine.
Just kind of unexpected.
- You sure?
- Go.
Honey?
Go.
We're talking about
Greek Row. Jennifer?
Dean O'Dell refused to even read
our proposal...
...to turn one of the deserted
Greek houses into a residence...
...for devoutly Christian students.
Had I been lobbying on behalf
of the African-American students...
...or gay students, would I have been
dismissed like that?
No way.
As always, we have an empty chair
here for Dean O'Dell...
...should he ever accept.
We're talking standing invitation
to join us on air and defend himself.
Lt. McGee, you have
a radical plan...
...for what should become
of the Greek houses.
Which one of these is mine?
Take that one.
Like magic, we have our dean with us.
Dean O'Dell. What you got for us?
It was imperative to get this news out as
quickly as possible to the student body.
It was discovered that one of our
board of trustees members...
...who voted to abolish the Greek
system at Hearst owns property...
...currently leased by several
of the Greek houses.
Due to this conflict of interest,
his vote has been nullified.
Hearst Charter dictates that the dean
of the university is allowed to cast...
...the dissenting vote
in just such an occurrence...
...and I voted to retain
the Greek system.
Thank you for your time.
That is all.
Alrighty, then.
The Greeks are back.
Let's go to the phones.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Get me a roster of Lilith House.
- You have a guest.
- I told him that without an appointment...
- Keith. Come right in.
- Have a seat.
- Thanks.
So, what you got?
Only good news.
You have nothing to worry about...
...except, perhaps, your lack of gaydar.
- I don't know what that is.
- Wally Wernke's gay.
Your wife spent the night
in her room alone.
And Wally, on the other hand,
visited, in succession...
...The Boat House,
Oil Can Harry's and Taboo.
Let's both just forget
that I ever doubted my wife.
Consider it forgotten.
- You need to see this. I circled it.
- What is it?
It's a classified ad
warning the student body...
...to stay away from the Pi Sig party.
"I'll choose my next victim
at the Pi Sig party tomorrow night.
You've been warned."
Veronica.
Hey, come here.
"I'll choose my next victim
at the Pi Sig party"?
- Rapist is getting cocky.
- Yeah.
Or Nish just wants to scare girls
away from the frat blowout.
If that was the plan,
I don't think it's working.
We've probably had a hundred girls
stop by and pick up these.
- Coasters?
- Special coasters.
You pour a drop of your drink
on them...
...and they turn red if there's any GHB
or Rohypnol in it.
- You mind if I take a bunch of these?
- Planning on tying one on?
You can test 10 drinks on one card.
I suddenly find myself with free time
and in need of a project.
You do get one of these as well.
A rape whistle.
You actually think
people would come a-running, huh?
You have more faith in mankind
than I do, my friend.
What's it do?
It turns red if there's a date-rape
drug in the drink.
You should require the Pi Sigs
make them available at the party.
I think I will.
Cora, track down Chip Diller for me.
I poked around
at the newspaper office.
No explanation on how
the ad made it into the paper.
They think it was changed
at the printers.
You're a credit to the college.
Well, aren't you warm and cuddly...
...for being the most reviled man
on campus?
My life doesn't begin and end
at the university.
My wife's getting back
from Sacramento today...
...and I've got
something special planned.
Sacramento?
What an enlightening weekend I had.
You learn a lot about people...
...when you read their "plan a
perfect murder" papers. I must say...
...I'm a little frightened
to appear before you today...
...and it's not just that a good
half dozen of you offed me.
A chainsaw, Biggles? Really?
Let's see, we got rid of a full score
of ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends...
...the sheriff bit the dust,
and several of you...
...decided to turn yourselves
into only children.
As to how perfect
your perfect murders were...
...the results fell pretty naturally
into a bell curve.
Didn't even have to adjust.
I will be posting the three A papers
on the class website.
So you can see examples
of what I'm looking for.
For those of you who got A's,
congratulations.
You can get away with murder.
Tim?
Okay, but you should know,
if you're gonna make me wait...
... I'm gonna pore over your creepy
rape-investigation board.
What's this?
Dick? Chip Diller? What's his face?
Can I help you find something?
What's with the circled Pi Sigs?
Are you onto something?
Did I miss something?
Are we working together now?
Are we Starsky and Butch?
Cagney and Pasty.
I think I'll keep my findings to myself.
When I solve it, I want Dr. Landry
to know where credit's due.
And here I thought
we were trying to protect girls.
Then you want to share
your working theories with me?
Excellent.
Now, about your paper.
I wanted to give you the opportunity
to fix some of these syntax...
...and bookmarking errors
before I post it online.
Oh, Veronica,
have you met my girlfriend?
Hi. Have we met?
I don't think so.
So Tim Foyle's girlfriend likes Dick
and sundry other Pi Sigs.
So what, if anything, does that mean?
Soup? You know how I feel
about soup. It's a side dish.
There's a meatloaf in the oven.
Now we're talking.
Dad, you know that case
you took up in Sacramento?
Yeah. False alarm.
I got to deliver good news for once.
Dean O'Dell's wife is cheating on him
with Dr. Landry...
...my criminology professor.
- And how did you...?
- I dropped by his office.
He told me his wife just got in
from Sacramento. Two and two.
And how did you...?
I saw them together
at the Neptune Grand.
He checks in
under the pseudonym Rory Finch.
You should double-check,
but I'm certain it's true.
Are you gonna tell him?
You know the rules, honey,
I have to.
I don't exactly know how to put this.
It's the sort of thing
that makes me hate...
...being a resident advisor,
but I have to ask.
Someone has been leaving a surprise...
...in the third stall every day
for the past two weeks.
This person apparently
never learned how to flush...
...and it's my amateur medical opinion
that he's also suffering...
...from what must be
a terminal disease.
- So?
- Not guilty, man.
Third stall stage right or stage left?
- Stage right?
- Yeah, not guilty, either.
Howdy, boys. Anyone up
for going to a Pi Sig blowout?
Beer and ladies and music...
...and other stuff guys like, I'm sure.
Fast cars, loose slots...
...electronic gadgetry,
televised sports...
...pornography, nothing?
None of this grabs you?
- Already planning on going.
- Everybody is gonna be there.
Awesome.
Then you can help me out.
Suddenly, it sounds like a lot less fun.
What about you, Moe?
Are you going?
Sort of. I'm driving the Take Back
the Night cart for the early shift.
Give me your phone.
Here's my number.
Call me if you pick up any girls
who are beyond drunk...
...or shady guys lurking around.
Sure.
Excellent. Meet you boys out front,
9 sharp. I really appreciate it.
What are we doing?
Are you freaking kidding me?
The Pi Sig mega-apocalypse.
Hump-the-furniture,
party-back-to-the-Stone-Age...
...fifty-keg Bacchanalia?
Sounds fun, right?
Will they let me in? The glitter
has come off my porn-star tube top.
Please, Mac?
I could really use the help.
Resistance is futile.
Thanks for coming in on a Saturday.
Here's to a better week next week.
Good night, Cyrus.
I've highlighted the cell phone calls
they've made to each other...
...as well as the numerous charges
made to Professor Landry...
...at the Neptune Grand.
He always checked in
under the pseudonym Rory Finch...
...and paid cash for the room...
...but he charged drinks at the bar
and dinner at the restaurant.
Do those dates
mean anything to you?
If I recall correctly...
...these coincide with the nights
of Mindy's Junior League meetings.
So here's the plan.
Do your own thing at the party...
...but if you see a girl who looks
out of it, sneak up to her drink...
...dip the coaster in, see if it turns red.
If it does, the drink is dosed.
If you see a cute girl,
you wanna dance with her?
Dance. Just know that your libido
caused some girl to get raped.
- That kind of takes the fun out of it.
- It's your life.
- Since when?
- See, you give me a hard time.
I'm less enthusiastic
about giving you the little...
...thanks-for-helping presents I made
for everybody this afternoon.
Congratulations. You're all 21.
I can buy myself a beer cup.
Lookie here.
It's my favorite drink tosser.
I'm so happy you came to Hearst.
Seriously. Does anyone like you?
IDs out. Show them to our friend
from the Hearst Police Department.
Beer cups are 10 bucks.
Soda cups are five.
Everyone must purchase
one or the other.
Right wrist. Print your name
legibly on this cup.
Use only this cup.
- Do not share that cup with a minor.
- I'll take a soda cup.
Like I'm gonna drink in there.
These are your rape-testing coasters?
This is what you're handing out?
Yeah. Don't get raped.
Where's Chip Diller?
Chip.
I want you to take a look
at these coasters...
...and see if you can spot the difference.
Item one. Printed on two sides...
...with the name of the
drug testing manufacturer on it.
Distributed at the
Take Back the Night booth.
Item two.
Printed on one side.
Handed out at the Pi Sig party.
One tests for date-rape drugs.
My guess, the other tests
to see whether drinks are wet.
You don't know that.
Find me a laced drink
and let's see if it works.
Go on. Find one. I'll time you.
There you go, Bambi. If it turns red,
he's trying to rape you.
If it doesn't,
he still might be trying to rape you.
How do you live with yourself?
Oh, it's a struggle, but I manage.
Yeah.
You know, when you think about it...
...it's not so different
than going to a party.
Except instead
of trying to avoid the girl...
Look. Drunk girl, 10 o'clock.
Work it.
Yeah, rock out.
You are so cute.
Hi, Bonnie.
So where's your boyfriend tonight?
- Do you see a ring?
- Hey, Veronica.
Where's your boyfriend tonight?
Oh, wait. I'm so sorry.
You don't have one anymore. Bummer.
Man, when I look at the two of you,
all I see are a couple petri dishes.
My advice?
Use protection.
Lots and lots of protection.
Hey there.
You have an STD.
Classic.
You are one major minor,
you know that?
Want me to slip a little whiskey
in that cola of yours?
Sure.
Thanks.
What makes a man do it, Keith?
Sleep with another man's wife?
Is there no honor left?
Less than there should be, I'm afraid.
- Can I help you with something, Cyrus?
- A refill.
It seemed a much shorter distance earlier.
What's the rest of your evening entail?
- Passing out on this couch.
- All right, then.
They warned me, Keith.
"She's much too young for you."
Keith, no.
Do you know what you're holding?
A bottle of Scotch.
That's a 40-year-old bottle
of Glenkraken.
One of the chief joys of my existence...
...is the anticipation of tasting
the contents of that bottle.
But for tonight, I'm just getting drunk.
Pour me the swill.
- Yeah?
- Is that your friend?
- So?
- You think she's okay?
We called the Safe Ride Home people
already. Look, there they are.
Happy?
Hey, guys.
Mind helping us out with this one?
Yeah. No sweat. We got it. Here.
Nice way to take care of your friend.
Don't mind her.
She's always like that.
- Sure I can't give you a ride home?
- What's the point?
My wife has a Junior League meeting
tonight.
I'll just sleep here.
Tim Foyle, here?
This can't be good.
That's it, Bonnie. I've had enough.
I've known about all of them.
I've known about
every knuckle-dragging frat boy...
...you've given a free ride.
But guess what.
I wasn't sitting back and taking it.
Not at all.
For every guy you were with,
I was with someone new myself.
Did you think I didn't know?
I know everything.
Looks like I'm single.
Hey, Veronica.
Hey.
Hey.
Okay, you two have fun.
You don't have to go, Mercer.
I'm just saying hi.
Be that as it may. They're turning
my show on after the band.
I hope you brought your dancing shoes.
You're here because of the investigation.
I am what I am.
Hey, we got a positive.
A positive what?
This cup was dosed with
a date-rape drug. It belongs to Kim Kiser.
- Where's Kim Kiser?
- No one's seen her.
We found someone who knows where
she lives. Off-campus.
Harbor View Apartments.
All four girls were raped
in their own rooms.
We've gotta get there. I parked on
campus. Who's got the closest car?
- I do, but you're staying here.
- lf you think...
Veronica. Please.
Let me do this part.
- Okay, go. Be careful.
- I'll go with you.
Get her out of her apartment.
That's all for us, tonight, people.
Club Flush is up next.
Hi. We're looking for Kim Kiser.
We think she's been given
a date-rape drug.
If you've seen her or you're friends
with her, please find me.
I'll be right in front of the stage.
Don't go.
I've got creme brul?e arriving
any second.
You know, maybe someday we'll
have sex and you won't be stoned.
I swear, I'm having an affair
with Annie Hall.
Mind if I come in?
Are you the girl looking for Kim?
Because Kim didn't come to the party.
I saw her drink cup.
She lent her ID to her little sister, Kari.
- Where's Kari?
- She wasn't feeling good.
- She was walking back to her room.
- Which dorm?
Benes Hall. You think she's all right?
Line one, you're first caller.
What do you want to hear?
- Man, you got any Chicks On Speed?
- Always, my friend, always.
I just got a call, said a bomb was
gonna go off...
...at one of the residential halls
up at Hearst.
- Should we evacuate it?
- It's nothing.
Happens all the time around finals.
Let the Hearst police handle it.
It's their jurisdiction.
Maybe I should ask the sheriff?
Do you wanna call and wake him up?
Unicorns? Really?
Well, we'll definitely be needing
some mood music.
You know, techno has a bad reputation,
but I think it's undeserved.
Groan if you disagree.
Good. We're on the same page.
It's unfortunate
that when you wake up...
...all you'll know
is that your hair is gone.
Because it's gonna be good.
I'd wager your best ever.
But it's a me thing, I'm sorry to say.
I have no patience.
I mean, if I'd met you in a bar
or at a party...
...I would have had you back here
and on your back in an hour.
But that's an hour of my life
I would've never had back.
An hour of listening to you talk.
About unicorns.
And your high-school boyfriend.
And how you hate the taste of beer.
I'm just taking
what you would've happily given.
I mean, that's hardly a crime.
What...?
Help!
What are you doing here, Veronica?
No one invited you.
What am I gonna do with you?
That's my face, you bitch.
Oh, come back here, Veronica.
Let's fix that hair of yours.
Wallace! Piz! Help!
Veronica. Are you okay?
It's Mercer.
Mercer is the rapist.
Room 212, Benes Hall.
Get here as fast as you can.
There's been an attempted rape...
...and the rapist may still be
in the room. Hurry.
Please.
- They're on their way.
- The girl, Kari Kiser.
She's still in the room.
We can't wait.
I'll get a bunch of guys
and go down there. Stay in here.
You'll be safe.
Dad, pick up.
Hi, this is Keith Mars,
please leave a message...
You said she was here, Moe.
She was.
You let her get away, Moe?
I'm sorry, sir.
I don't care that you're sorry.
Dad. Help.
Get the phone.
Shut up.
Stop blubbering, prisoner.
What are we gonna do
with her?
- I'm thinking.
- We're gonna get caught.
Shut up.
We're not gonna get caught.
Give me all the GHB you've got.
We'll get it all down her throat.
She won't remember last year.
I'm out of it. No.
Then watch her. I'll go to my room.
I've got plenty.
Hey, there. Parker, is it?
- Going somewhere?
- Yeah, as a matter of fact...
- Where is she?
- Excuse me.
Rape! Rape! Rape!
- I just touched you.
- Rape!
Hey, buddy. What's up, huh?
- Mercer, what's going on?
- Who blew that whistle?
- Mercer, what do we do?
- What happened to your leg, man?
Pet cougar.
All right, look, show's over people.
Moe. Shut up and get in your room.
Good night, everyone. Sweet dreams.
- What are you looking at?
- You got someone in your room, Moe?
- Mercer?
- All right.
You all have fun. Okay?
I'm out of here.
She's just a psycho
and you're all falling for it.
Mercer. Where're you going?
Mercer!
Are you okay?
Oh, my God. Veronica.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing here?
When a bomb threat's phoned in,
you evacuate the building.
- That's procedure, Sacks.
- Sorry, Keith.
I'm taking my daughter home now.
Sheriff Lamb is on his way in.
He wanted to talk to her.
I called you from Moe's phone.
You've got his number saved
on your phone now.
He's not smart enough to turn it off.
Your ride back to Neptune is here,
boys.
I suggest you don't give me
any more reason to shoot you.
Moe was the setup man.
He'd dose the victims, then call Mercer
with the room number...
...and give him the keys
he needed to get in.
Moe's the one who shaved me
in the parking lot.
I don't think he ever planned
on raping me.
He was providing an alibi for Mercer.
- What did the Pi Sigs have to do with it?
- Nothing.
Just nights Moe and Mercer could be
sure there'd be plenty of drunk girls.
Plus, a convenient scapegoat.
Has Logan been by?
I haven't seen him.
[ENGLISH]
Not in a while.
Wallace! Piz!
Help!
If the Lilith House's mission
was to protect women on campus...
... I'm not sure this display
is doing the trick.
Sure, the board of trustees voted
to dismantle the Greek system...
... but there's still a rapist at large.
That hasn't changed.
So the boy can still smile.
It seems like a week
since I've seen his teeth.
Hey, handsome.
Not in front of the old man.
He's the jealous type.
Hey.
Hello, Dick.
I can't believe they got
such a perfect likeness.
Did you actually model for them?
Yeah. You know, that reminds me.
They left out one important detail.
Take a picture, ladies. It'll last longer.
Great job, Dick. I'm sure you won
that debate.
Well, he's a master debater.
You two kiss, hold hands, head to
the soda shop for some malts.
I'm out of here.
Okay, don't try and stop me.
You weren't outside
my criminology class. I waited.
Yeah.
Something wrong?
I can't do this anymore, Veronica.
You know, I've been thinking, and...
This isn't working.
You know, I don't think
I quite measure up...
...to the person that you want
me to be, and...
I just can't take feeling
like a disappointment anymore.
- Logan, I don't...
- Let me get this out, okay?
The other thing, you told me you
weren't built to let people help you.
- That's not exactly what I said...
- It's close.
And you know what?
I'm not built to stand on the sidelines.
I think we have a choice.
I think we can take a
tough-but-survivable amount...
...of pain now...
...or stay together
and deal with unbearable pain later.
So I vote for the pain now.
But I'm always here...
...if you need anything.
But you never need anything.
Yeah, but heavyweights weren't
always a freak show.
Ali, Frazier, those were fighters,
you know.
Just seems nowadays...
All the talent's in the lower
weight classes.
You're so right. The average
fight fan, he doesn't care.
You should be good.
Here, test it.
Hot damn. I'm back in business.
What would I do if you ever left me?
Call Human Resources
and have them send a replacement?
Just a guess. Listen,
you don't have hi-def yet.
I'll swing by when the receiver gets in.
- Page me if it goes out again.
- Thanks, Eli.
Oh, hard at work, I see.
This job is easy.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
I brought you the minivan.
You're gonna have to haul around
Graham's drums tonight.
I just got called up to Sacramento
to meet with Helm's people.
- Can't they send Wally?
- Wally's going too.
I need the Volvo keys.
I'm gonna be bored. I may be
forced to speak to our children.
Oh, remind them of how things
used to be. They love that.
I'll be home tomorrow by noon, okay?
You can order pizza, can't you?
I'm sure someone will show me.
Dean O'Dell? I'm sorry for interrupting.
What is it?
I have a man
who doesn't have an appointment.
He won't give his name
or put out his cigar.
Is that so?
Cyrus.
We need to talk.
So, Mel. What can I help you with?
You know what I liked best
about my days here at Hearst, Cyrus?
A quality education?
No.
It was hanging out on the front porch
of my frat...
...and watching the girls go by,
drinking beer.
I had such a good time here at Hearst,
in fact...
...that I've been very generous
over the years.
Wouldn't you say I've been generous?
Here you go.
- Veronica?
- I'm fine.
- We know.
- Never said you weren't.
- It's okay if you're not.
- You're Veronica.
I'm fine. Seriously. I just told
the two of you...
...because I figured you should know.
I'm not looking for a pity party.
That's good, because I always get stuck
blowing up the pity balloons.
- Is there anything that we can do?
- Nope.
We're done with this topic.
I just shared some info. Moving on.
Hey, gang. What's the word?
Is it avuncular?
No? Just a shot in the dark.
Set your dials to K-Ruff tonight.
We're moving on as to what to do...
...with the Greek Row ghost town
next semester.
I got this guy who wants to turn it
into an ROTC training battlefield.
Quality radio people.
What?
You say your wife doesn't kiss you
like she used to?
I know how it sounds, Keith.
- How long have you been married?
- Six years.
It simply sounds normal, Cyrus.
I'm sure everything's fine.
Still, I'd like to be able
to shake this feeling.
She's on the 4:30 to Sacramento.
She is, as she usually is...
...traveling with her associate,
Wally Wernke.
He's handsome. He's more
age-appropriate for my wife...
...I've seen him wipe
ranch dressing...
...from her chin
at a faculty function.
Will you take the case, Keith?
Hey, there you are.
Going somewhere?
Oh, very good, number one daughter.
You might make a detective yet.
I'm off to Sacramento.
A husband thinks his wife
is fooling around in Capital City.
Here's my hotel information.
You all right, honey?
- Logan and I broke up.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
Are you okay?
- I can put off this assignment.
- No. You go. I'm fine.
Just kind of unexpected.
- You sure?
- Go.
Honey?
Go.
We're talking about
Greek Row. Jennifer?
Dean O'Dell refused to even read
our proposal...
...to turn one of the deserted
Greek houses into a residence...
...for devoutly Christian students.
Had I been lobbying on behalf
of the African-American students...
...or gay students, would I have been
dismissed like that?
No way.
As always, we have an empty chair
here for Dean O'Dell...
...should he ever accept.
We're talking standing invitation
to join us on air and defend himself.
Lt. McGee, you have
a radical plan...
...for what should become
of the Greek houses.
Which one of these is mine?
Take that one.
Like magic, we have our dean with us.
Dean O'Dell. What you got for us?
It was imperative to get this news out as
quickly as possible to the student body.
It was discovered that one of our
board of trustees members...
...who voted to abolish the Greek
system at Hearst owns property...
...currently leased by several
of the Greek houses.
Due to this conflict of interest,
his vote has been nullified.
Hearst Charter dictates that the dean
of the university is allowed to cast...
...the dissenting vote
in just such an occurrence...
...and I voted to retain
the Greek system.
Thank you for your time.
That is all.
Alrighty, then.
The Greeks are back.
Let's go to the phones.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Get me a roster of Lilith House.
- You have a guest.
- I told him that without an appointment...
- Keith. Come right in.
- Have a seat.
- Thanks.
So, what you got?
Only good news.
You have nothing to worry about...
...except, perhaps, your lack of gaydar.
- I don't know what that is.
- Wally Wernke's gay.
Your wife spent the night
in her room alone.
And Wally, on the other hand,
visited, in succession...
...The Boat House,
Oil Can Harry's and Taboo.
Let's both just forget
that I ever doubted my wife.
Consider it forgotten.
- You need to see this. I circled it.
- What is it?
It's a classified ad
warning the student body...
...to stay away from the Pi Sig party.
"I'll choose my next victim
at the Pi Sig party tomorrow night.
You've been warned."
Veronica.
Hey, come here.
"I'll choose my next victim
at the Pi Sig party"?
- Rapist is getting cocky.
- Yeah.
Or Nish just wants to scare girls
away from the frat blowout.
If that was the plan,
I don't think it's working.
We've probably had a hundred girls
stop by and pick up these.
- Coasters?
- Special coasters.
You pour a drop of your drink
on them...
...and they turn red if there's any GHB
or Rohypnol in it.
- You mind if I take a bunch of these?
- Planning on tying one on?
You can test 10 drinks on one card.
I suddenly find myself with free time
and in need of a project.
You do get one of these as well.
A rape whistle.
You actually think
people would come a-running, huh?
You have more faith in mankind
than I do, my friend.
What's it do?
It turns red if there's a date-rape
drug in the drink.
You should require the Pi Sigs
make them available at the party.
I think I will.
Cora, track down Chip Diller for me.
I poked around
at the newspaper office.
No explanation on how
the ad made it into the paper.
They think it was changed
at the printers.
You're a credit to the college.
Well, aren't you warm and cuddly...
...for being the most reviled man
on campus?
My life doesn't begin and end
at the university.
My wife's getting back
from Sacramento today...
...and I've got
something special planned.
Sacramento?
What an enlightening weekend I had.
You learn a lot about people...
...when you read their "plan a
perfect murder" papers. I must say...
...I'm a little frightened
to appear before you today...
...and it's not just that a good
half dozen of you offed me.
A chainsaw, Biggles? Really?
Let's see, we got rid of a full score
of ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends...
...the sheriff bit the dust,
and several of you...
...decided to turn yourselves
into only children.
As to how perfect
your perfect murders were...
...the results fell pretty naturally
into a bell curve.
Didn't even have to adjust.
I will be posting the three A papers
on the class website.
So you can see examples
of what I'm looking for.
For those of you who got A's,
congratulations.
You can get away with murder.
Tim?
Okay, but you should know,
if you're gonna make me wait...
... I'm gonna pore over your creepy
rape-investigation board.
What's this?
Dick? Chip Diller? What's his face?
Can I help you find something?
What's with the circled Pi Sigs?
Are you onto something?
Did I miss something?
Are we working together now?
Are we Starsky and Butch?
Cagney and Pasty.
I think I'll keep my findings to myself.
When I solve it, I want Dr. Landry
to know where credit's due.
And here I thought
we were trying to protect girls.
Then you want to share
your working theories with me?
Excellent.
Now, about your paper.
I wanted to give you the opportunity
to fix some of these syntax...
...and bookmarking errors
before I post it online.
Oh, Veronica,
have you met my girlfriend?
Hi. Have we met?
I don't think so.
So Tim Foyle's girlfriend likes Dick
and sundry other Pi Sigs.
So what, if anything, does that mean?
Soup? You know how I feel
about soup. It's a side dish.
There's a meatloaf in the oven.
Now we're talking.
Dad, you know that case
you took up in Sacramento?
Yeah. False alarm.
I got to deliver good news for once.
Dean O'Dell's wife is cheating on him
with Dr. Landry...
...my criminology professor.
- And how did you...?
- I dropped by his office.
He told me his wife just got in
from Sacramento. Two and two.
And how did you...?
I saw them together
at the Neptune Grand.
He checks in
under the pseudonym Rory Finch.
You should double-check,
but I'm certain it's true.
Are you gonna tell him?
You know the rules, honey,
I have to.
I don't exactly know how to put this.
It's the sort of thing
that makes me hate...
...being a resident advisor,
but I have to ask.
Someone has been leaving a surprise...
...in the third stall every day
for the past two weeks.
This person apparently
never learned how to flush...
...and it's my amateur medical opinion
that he's also suffering...
...from what must be
a terminal disease.
- So?
- Not guilty, man.
Third stall stage right or stage left?
- Stage right?
- Yeah, not guilty, either.
Howdy, boys. Anyone up
for going to a Pi Sig blowout?
Beer and ladies and music...
...and other stuff guys like, I'm sure.
Fast cars, loose slots...
...electronic gadgetry,
televised sports...
...pornography, nothing?
None of this grabs you?
- Already planning on going.
- Everybody is gonna be there.
Awesome.
Then you can help me out.
Suddenly, it sounds like a lot less fun.
What about you, Moe?
Are you going?
Sort of. I'm driving the Take Back
the Night cart for the early shift.
Give me your phone.
Here's my number.
Call me if you pick up any girls
who are beyond drunk...
...or shady guys lurking around.
Sure.
Excellent. Meet you boys out front,
9 sharp. I really appreciate it.
What are we doing?
Are you freaking kidding me?
The Pi Sig mega-apocalypse.
Hump-the-furniture,
party-back-to-the-Stone-Age...
...fifty-keg Bacchanalia?
Sounds fun, right?
Will they let me in? The glitter
has come off my porn-star tube top.
Please, Mac?
I could really use the help.
Resistance is futile.
Thanks for coming in on a Saturday.
Here's to a better week next week.
Good night, Cyrus.
I've highlighted the cell phone calls
they've made to each other...
...as well as the numerous charges
made to Professor Landry...
...at the Neptune Grand.
He always checked in
under the pseudonym Rory Finch...
...and paid cash for the room...
...but he charged drinks at the bar
and dinner at the restaurant.
Do those dates
mean anything to you?
If I recall correctly...
...these coincide with the nights
of Mindy's Junior League meetings.
So here's the plan.
Do your own thing at the party...
...but if you see a girl who looks
out of it, sneak up to her drink...
...dip the coaster in, see if it turns red.
If it does, the drink is dosed.
If you see a cute girl,
you wanna dance with her?
Dance. Just know that your libido
caused some girl to get raped.
- That kind of takes the fun out of it.
- It's your life.
- Since when?
- See, you give me a hard time.
I'm less enthusiastic
about giving you the little...
...thanks-for-helping presents I made
for everybody this afternoon.
Congratulations. You're all 21.
I can buy myself a beer cup.
Lookie here.
It's my favorite drink tosser.
I'm so happy you came to Hearst.
Seriously. Does anyone like you?
IDs out. Show them to our friend
from the Hearst Police Department.
Beer cups are 10 bucks.
Soda cups are five.
Everyone must purchase
one or the other.
Right wrist. Print your name
legibly on this cup.
Use only this cup.
- Do not share that cup with a minor.
- I'll take a soda cup.
Like I'm gonna drink in there.
These are your rape-testing coasters?
This is what you're handing out?
Yeah. Don't get raped.
Where's Chip Diller?
Chip.
I want you to take a look
at these coasters...
...and see if you can spot the difference.
Item one. Printed on two sides...
...with the name of the
drug testing manufacturer on it.
Distributed at the
Take Back the Night booth.
Item two.
Printed on one side.
Handed out at the Pi Sig party.
One tests for date-rape drugs.
My guess, the other tests
to see whether drinks are wet.
You don't know that.
Find me a laced drink
and let's see if it works.
Go on. Find one. I'll time you.
There you go, Bambi. If it turns red,
he's trying to rape you.
If it doesn't,
he still might be trying to rape you.
How do you live with yourself?
Oh, it's a struggle, but I manage.
Yeah.
You know, when you think about it...
...it's not so different
than going to a party.
Except instead
of trying to avoid the girl...
Look. Drunk girl, 10 o'clock.
Work it.
Yeah, rock out.
You are so cute.
Hi, Bonnie.
So where's your boyfriend tonight?
- Do you see a ring?
- Hey, Veronica.
Where's your boyfriend tonight?
Oh, wait. I'm so sorry.
You don't have one anymore. Bummer.
Man, when I look at the two of you,
all I see are a couple petri dishes.
My advice?
Use protection.
Lots and lots of protection.
Hey there.
You have an STD.
Classic.
You are one major minor,
you know that?
Want me to slip a little whiskey
in that cola of yours?
Sure.
Thanks.
What makes a man do it, Keith?
Sleep with another man's wife?
Is there no honor left?
Less than there should be, I'm afraid.
- Can I help you with something, Cyrus?
- A refill.
It seemed a much shorter distance earlier.
What's the rest of your evening entail?
- Passing out on this couch.
- All right, then.
They warned me, Keith.
"She's much too young for you."
Keith, no.
Do you know what you're holding?
A bottle of Scotch.
That's a 40-year-old bottle
of Glenkraken.
One of the chief joys of my existence...
...is the anticipation of tasting
the contents of that bottle.
But for tonight, I'm just getting drunk.
Pour me the swill.
- Yeah?
- Is that your friend?
- So?
- You think she's okay?
We called the Safe Ride Home people
already. Look, there they are.
Happy?
Hey, guys.
Mind helping us out with this one?
Yeah. No sweat. We got it. Here.
Nice way to take care of your friend.
Don't mind her.
She's always like that.
- Sure I can't give you a ride home?
- What's the point?
My wife has a Junior League meeting
tonight.
I'll just sleep here.
Tim Foyle, here?
This can't be good.
That's it, Bonnie. I've had enough.
I've known about all of them.
I've known about
every knuckle-dragging frat boy...
...you've given a free ride.
But guess what.
I wasn't sitting back and taking it.
Not at all.
For every guy you were with,
I was with someone new myself.
Did you think I didn't know?
I know everything.
Looks like I'm single.
Hey, Veronica.
Hey.
Hey.
Okay, you two have fun.
You don't have to go, Mercer.
I'm just saying hi.
Be that as it may. They're turning
my show on after the band.
I hope you brought your dancing shoes.
You're here because of the investigation.
I am what I am.
Hey, we got a positive.
A positive what?
This cup was dosed with
a date-rape drug. It belongs to Kim Kiser.
- Where's Kim Kiser?
- No one's seen her.
We found someone who knows where
she lives. Off-campus.
Harbor View Apartments.
All four girls were raped
in their own rooms.
We've gotta get there. I parked on
campus. Who's got the closest car?
- I do, but you're staying here.
- lf you think...
Veronica. Please.
Let me do this part.
- Okay, go. Be careful.
- I'll go with you.
Get her out of her apartment.
That's all for us, tonight, people.
Club Flush is up next.
Hi. We're looking for Kim Kiser.
We think she's been given
a date-rape drug.
If you've seen her or you're friends
with her, please find me.
I'll be right in front of the stage.
Don't go.
I've got creme brul?e arriving
any second.
You know, maybe someday we'll
have sex and you won't be stoned.
I swear, I'm having an affair
with Annie Hall.
Mind if I come in?
Are you the girl looking for Kim?
Because Kim didn't come to the party.
I saw her drink cup.
She lent her ID to her little sister, Kari.
- Where's Kari?
- She wasn't feeling good.
- She was walking back to her room.
- Which dorm?
Benes Hall. You think she's all right?
Line one, you're first caller.
What do you want to hear?
- Man, you got any Chicks On Speed?
- Always, my friend, always.
I just got a call, said a bomb was
gonna go off...
...at one of the residential halls
up at Hearst.
- Should we evacuate it?
- It's nothing.
Happens all the time around finals.
Let the Hearst police handle it.
It's their jurisdiction.
Maybe I should ask the sheriff?
Do you wanna call and wake him up?
Unicorns? Really?
Well, we'll definitely be needing
some mood music.
You know, techno has a bad reputation,
but I think it's undeserved.
Groan if you disagree.
Good. We're on the same page.
It's unfortunate
that when you wake up...
...all you'll know
is that your hair is gone.
Because it's gonna be good.
I'd wager your best ever.
But it's a me thing, I'm sorry to say.
I have no patience.
I mean, if I'd met you in a bar
or at a party...
...I would have had you back here
and on your back in an hour.
But that's an hour of my life
I would've never had back.
An hour of listening to you talk.
About unicorns.
And your high-school boyfriend.
And how you hate the taste of beer.
I'm just taking
what you would've happily given.
I mean, that's hardly a crime.
What...?
Help!
What are you doing here, Veronica?
No one invited you.
What am I gonna do with you?
That's my face, you bitch.
Oh, come back here, Veronica.
Let's fix that hair of yours.
Wallace! Piz! Help!
Veronica. Are you okay?
It's Mercer.
Mercer is the rapist.
Room 212, Benes Hall.
Get here as fast as you can.
There's been an attempted rape...
...and the rapist may still be
in the room. Hurry.
Please.
- They're on their way.
- The girl, Kari Kiser.
She's still in the room.
We can't wait.
I'll get a bunch of guys
and go down there. Stay in here.
You'll be safe.
Dad, pick up.
Hi, this is Keith Mars,
please leave a message...
You said she was here, Moe.
She was.
You let her get away, Moe?
I'm sorry, sir.
I don't care that you're sorry.
Dad. Help.
Get the phone.
Shut up.
Stop blubbering, prisoner.
What are we gonna do
with her?
- I'm thinking.
- We're gonna get caught.
Shut up.
We're not gonna get caught.
Give me all the GHB you've got.
We'll get it all down her throat.
She won't remember last year.
I'm out of it. No.
Then watch her. I'll go to my room.
I've got plenty.
Hey, there. Parker, is it?
- Going somewhere?
- Yeah, as a matter of fact...
- Where is she?
- Excuse me.
Rape! Rape! Rape!
- I just touched you.
- Rape!
Hey, buddy. What's up, huh?
- Mercer, what's going on?
- Who blew that whistle?
- Mercer, what do we do?
- What happened to your leg, man?
Pet cougar.
All right, look, show's over people.
Moe. Shut up and get in your room.
Good night, everyone. Sweet dreams.
- What are you looking at?
- You got someone in your room, Moe?
- Mercer?
- All right.
You all have fun. Okay?
I'm out of here.
She's just a psycho
and you're all falling for it.
Mercer. Where're you going?
Mercer!
Are you okay?
Oh, my God. Veronica.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing here?
When a bomb threat's phoned in,
you evacuate the building.
- That's procedure, Sacks.
- Sorry, Keith.
I'm taking my daughter home now.
Sheriff Lamb is on his way in.
He wanted to talk to her.
I called you from Moe's phone.
You've got his number saved
on your phone now.
He's not smart enough to turn it off.
Your ride back to Neptune is here,
boys.
I suggest you don't give me
any more reason to shoot you.
Moe was the setup man.
He'd dose the victims, then call Mercer
with the room number...
...and give him the keys
he needed to get in.
Moe's the one who shaved me
in the parking lot.
I don't think he ever planned
on raping me.
He was providing an alibi for Mercer.
- What did the Pi Sigs have to do with it?
- Nothing.
Just nights Moe and Mercer could be
sure there'd be plenty of drunk girls.
Plus, a convenient scapegoat.
Has Logan been by?
I haven't seen him.
[ENGLISH]