Veep (2012–…): Season 4, Episode 9 - Testimony - full transcript

REPORTER: Did you know
what was going on in your name

on the day of the Families First vote?

Were you using lobbyists?

I would never, ever let that happen.

And if it had happened,
which it absolutely did not,

I would make sure
that something was done about it.

Absolutely damn sure.

REPORTER: So this wasn't
a matter for Congress?

Well, I am certain that Congress,
and my opponents for that matter,

have better things to do with their time,

like getting down
to the business of government.



And let me repeat myself again
and say to the American people

that there is not one ounce of truth
to these allegations.

- REPORTER: Madam President...
- Not one ounce of truth to these allegations.

Thank you very much.
That's all the time I have for today.

- Thank you.
-(APPLAUSE)

SELINA: Don't touch me.

MAN". Do you solemnly swear

that the testimony you're about to give

is the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

- I do.
- Yes, I do.

Absolutely. Yes, sir, I do.

(GAVEL BANGS)

Mr. Cafferty, pardon me being blunt,
but why did Families First fail?

It happens.



Rain gonna fall, bar's gonna close,
bill's gonna fail.

There's a job for you at Hallmark, Mr. Cafferty.
Um...

You don't seem upset that the bill failed.

Uh, if I had kids, which actually I do,
this bill would be my baby.

I and the entire White House,

we sweated a full transfusion of blood
to pass this bill.

So Jonah Ryan wasn't sent here
to defend the bill,

to deliberately undermine it?

No. No. Read my luscious lips, no.

We were consultants, uh, not lobbyists.

And what's the difference?

You ask to be consulted.

A consultant consults the client,

whereas a lobbyist lobbies
on behalf of the client.

You're not telling me the difference,
you're just turning nouns into verbs.

So you were consulting people
to vote against the Families First bill?

Yes. Yes, we were.

That's exactly what they were doing.

RAKES: Excuse me, Mr. Ryan.

We didn't ask for your commentary
on the veracity of their testimonies.

Oh, I'm very sorry, sir.

I... I'm sorry that I misconducted myself,

and I will not do that, uh, into the future.

What is your assessment
of Miss Brookheimer and Mr. Egan?

Oh! Ms. Brookheimer is a strong,
independent, flexible woman.

Uh... And Lord knows there aren't
enough of those in D. C.

- MS. BENNETT: And Mr. Egan?
- Uh...

Dan Egan is a solid five and a half, weak six.

Can you tell us who was responsible
for the data breach?

No. Well, I mean, yes.

Yes, it's a matter of public record
that Dan Egan was fired

uh, because of his relation to the data breach.

I mean, you could have Googled that.

RAKES: Wait, that's not my question.

Was he responsible?

Well, Washington needed a sacrifice,

so we all ran and took out our pitchforks,

and we set fire to the wicker Dan.

Okay, so why did he deserve to go
if he was innocent?

You make it sound like there's a correlation

between what should happen
and what actually happens.

I mean, life is chaotic, and it's often unfair.

I know it is for me.

Dan Egan deserved to go.

So he went.

Sure, I love money.

But there's something else that I love,

and it's a little lady
called the United States of America.

And Miss Brookheimer and I
are here today as patriots

uh, speaking up for the common citizen,

be that individual, uh,
an actual person or a corporation.

That shoehorned stab at nobility
will not fly here.

Okay-

Miss Brookheimer, are you guided
purely by money?

I think it's interesting that you chose me
to aim that question at,

insinuating that I am a money-grabbing,
careerist, low-moraled...

I don't know why I'm helping you here.

RAKES: There is no need
to be shrill, Miss Brookheimer.

- Shrill?
- Hmm.

BENNETT: Do you recall a document
shared on the J-drive,

titled, "The Jonad Files"?

- Uh... No. No, ma'am.
- No. That doesn't ring a bell.

So it's not a word
combining "Jonah" and "gonad"?

- Not to my knowledge.
- I can confirm that

that is exactly what it is,
and Mr. Egan knows that.

In fact, Mr. Egan, I was told
that you encouraged staffers

to add to this glossary of abuse.

I do not, at this moment in time, recall
the action nor the document in question.

Okay, maybe this will jog your memory.
We have some extracts.

"J-Rock, Jizzy Gillespie,
Jack and the Giant Jackoff,

"Gaylien, Tinker Balls, Wadzilla,
One Erection..."

Do we have to go through all of these?

I'm not sure that I see the relevance.

The witnesses claim they held
their former colleague in high regard,

and I am attempting to prove otherwise.

Okay, yeah, sure. No, you can proceed.

"The Pointless Giant,
The 60-Foot Virgin, Gimpanzee,

"Jonah Ono, Hagrid's Nutsack,
Scrotum Pole, Transgenderformers,

"12 Years a Slave to Jerking Off,

"Benedict Come In His Own Hand,
Guyscraper, The Cloud Botherer,

"Supercalifragilisticexpiali-Dick Cheese,

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Asshole,
Spewbacca."

Uh... My college friends called me,
uh, Tall McCartney.

I preferred that. That's a good nickname.

Fractious cracks have opened up
in your relationships and in your testimony,

and we'll explore them in a later session.

(GAVEL BANGING)

Do you solemnly swear
that the testimony you're about to give

is the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

I do.

You were fired from the White House in April.

- Is that correct?
- LEIGH: Yes.

The drama queen in me likes to say
that they sacrificed me at Easter.

Uh...

You've been described as the scapegoat.

Were you, in fact, responsible
for the HIV data breach?

No, I value confidentiality
and, paradoxically, I don't care who knows it.

Why were you fired?

To conceal something bigger.

- They thought I was a mouse.
-(WOMAN WHISPERS)

Well, this mouse will roar.

Miss Patterson, you better tell us
what that something bigger is.

Someone from the campaign
used child-mortality data

from the same federal breach
that named Jennifer Graham as an HIV victim.

Used to what end?

To deliberately target bereaved parents
for a campaign mailer called I Care.

(STAFF MURMURING)

Okay, so this is how it's gonna work.

I'm gonna give you everything you need,

in a nice little box
with a pretty red ribbon on it,

and then I'm gonna walk away
a free man, okay?

- Rat and roll. Deal?
- MAN: Go on.

The thing about Lee Patterson,

she doesn't even know
why she was scapegoated.

Okay? I do.

It's because the child-mortality data
was used to...

WOMAN: Yeah, was used to target
bereaved parents.

We know that already.

MAN: Miss Patterson's talking
to the committee right now.

WOMAN: Yes.

Okay. (SCOFFS) Going deeper here.

That data was actually taken from the same...

MAN: Yeah, it was from the same breach
which identified the HIV girl.

- We know all that.
- WOMAN: Mmm-hmm.

Guys, we still have a deal, right?

Miss Patterson, you are aware
that your accusations about the data breach

will have serious repercussions
for you and the others?

I understand the dangers

and how you're well-placed
to remind me of them.

You're insinuating that

my close personal friendship
with the president might cloud my judgment?

No, not at all.

Your judgment, ma'am, is unimpeachable.

Did the president know
about the data breach?

No, just the people around her.

Bill Ericsson and Gary Walsh
were closest to her.

Which is how I know that Bill Ericsson...

WOMAN: Knew about the data breach.

MAN: Are you on some kind of
satellite delay, Mr. Egan?

BILL: With respect to Lee Patterson,

she had no real idea,
no concept of what was actually happening.

I mean, she was so junior,

she may have well been
working in the kitchens,

with all due respect to the kitchens.

But for the record,
Miss Patterson was a very competent staffer

and what Jimmy Cagney would have called
a good kid, in my opinion.

I'll wait for a question.

We have a deposition from a witness,

confirming that you, Mr. Ericsson,
ordered Dan Egan to fire Miss Patterson.

This is what I was afraid of.
I'm being snowballed.

- I'm a victim of snowballing.
- What do you mean, Mr. Ericsson?

Well, a name gets mentioned,
then gets mentioned again,

and pretty soon, everyone is mentioning it,

and then the whole thing snowballs,
and then there's an avalanche of snowballs

and I'm being buried by other people's snow,

and it's not pure-driven, it's not white snow,
if you catch my drift.

I certainly caught their drift.
Do I make sense? Am I making sense?

Calm... Calm down.

Isn't snowballing what you did
to Lee Patterson when you had her fired?

KENT: No, that was scapegoating.

Again, apologies.
Uh, you haven't asked me a question.

What is the difference
between scapegoating and snowballing?

It's not my fault. That's the difference.

ls that... ls that making sense?

It's not my fault, is my basic point.

I mean, why I am being raked over the coals
for the misuse of data in the campaign

when I'm sitting
next to the campaign manager?

Oh! That's... Bravo, Bill. Subtly done.

Mr. Davison, you are
President Meyer's campaign manager, yes?

Yes, ma'am.
Though not at the time of the breach.

But you were aware of it at the time
and yet you chose to say nothing?

Well, though it may appear
that there was nothing going on,

I can assure you that there was...
There was lots going on underneath.

Like a swan or Professor Hawking.

WOMAN: Who else, then, was involved?

Gary. Gary Walsh.

WOMAN: The president's bagman?

Yeah, he's the guy. But...

Okay, you ever seen Usual Suspects?

WOMAN: I haven't seen it.

Okay, well, he's Keyser... I mean...
(SIGHS)

You haven't seen it, so forget it. Um...

Gary's the guy who got
Amy Brookheimer and I involved.

He's the bagman, yeah,
but he's also, uh, the bad man.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(GAVEL BANGING)

Mr. Walsh, several people have now described
you as being at the center of events,

so I was wondering
if you could please outline to us

your duties and your responsibilities.

ls there a problem, Mr. Walsh?

I'm sorry. It's just when I was...

When I was originally summoned,
it was a smaller hearing,

and executive privileges were waived,

and now it's like a U2 concert.
(CHUCKLES)

Well, we are investigating malpractice,
possibly leading to criminal investigation.

Might you un-waive your executive privilege?

Hmm.

(WHISPERS)

Uh-huh.

He says not to, so...

Would you say
you were friendly with Dan Egan?

Yes, I'm friendly with Dan Egan.

I... We're friends, yes.

You were seen with him
and Amy Brookheimer

on the day of the Families First vote.

-(VVHISPERS)
- Mmm-hmm-

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah. Dan is not my friend.

He's a colleague.

I don't know why I said we were friends.

That's a fault of mine, just kind of believing
that people were friends

and they're not friends.

It's kind of been going on
since middle school,

and you just caught me at a bad time.

You're probably correct
to distance yourself from Mr. Egan. Um...

Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

How would you describe
your working relationship with the president?

Uh... It's very intimate.

Um... I've always imagined myself
as like a pipeline

who carries a lot of necessary information,

and I just feed it directly into her head.

MAN: Madam President, can I confirm
you've waived executive privilege?

Yes.

Though it is no privilege
to have to endure this investigation,

I can tell you that.

But I'm happy to assist in any way that I can.

WOMAN: Can you tell me anything

about the breach of federal data
used in your campaign material?

No.

MAN: You said that you'd help
this inquiry in any way.

Yes, and I have just then. Just...

Did the president know about
the lobbying against the Families First bill?

I'm a nobody. (LAUGHING)

That's the truth. I'm a nobody.

I'm just the guy that, like,
whispers names to the president,

and I tell her facts about people.

So you're just a prompter?

-(WHISPERS)
- Uh-huh.

I'm a man who prompts, that is correct.

So all the talk
of being the president's pipeline

was just bigheadedness?

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm an arrogant man.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

I'm not a powerful, guilty, arrogant man.
I'm an arrogant man.

So you wouldn't have contact,
in other words, with lobbyists?

No. No.

Actually, uh, Catherine's fiance, Jason,
is a lobbyist,

so at times, yeah.

Really? Until now, he's been referred to
as a consultant.

Hmm.

WOMAN: Are you concerned with your
daughter being engaged to a lobbyist?

No, not at all.

And he's not actually a lobbyist.
He's a consultant, so...

WOMAN: But your bagman, Gary Walsh,
referred to him as a lobbyist.

Um, Gary has a very limited set of skills.
Um...

Mainly, I would say,
they are picking objects up

and then putting objects back down.

MAN: He said he takes care
of your sanitary needs.

Is that correct?

Yeah... Yeah... What?

MAN: You say your daughter's fiance,
Mr. Read, is not a lobbyist,

and yet the firm of Merryman & Cotter
lists him under the title of lobbyist

in the "Our lobbyists" section of its website.

Uh-huh. Well, that's their word.
That's not my word.

WOMAN: He is a lobbyist for
Christian Aid, Oxfam,

-the World Health Organization.
- Mmm-hmm.

Well, he sounds like a decent guy,
whatever you want to call him.

MAN: Also lobbying for
pharmaceutical companies,

large IT organizations, investment banks.

Yes, my fiance is a lobbyist.

MAN: Does that present
any difficulties in your relationship?

Not apart from the fact that

I am now sitting in a room with two strangers,
talking about it on camera.

WOMAN: You don't like being questioned?

Not about my personal life, no, I don't.

I mean, do you?

Assuming that you have one.
I don't see that you're wearing a ring, so...

WOMAN: Miss Meyer, you're gently reminded
that this is a deposition.

- I won't be as polite next time.
- Um...

I'm sorry. Can I please take a minute?

- MAN: Sure, yeah. Of course.
- Thank you.

I'm sorry about that. I just had to get a snack.

My blood sugar was dropping, so...

MAN: That's okay.

MAN: Do you not see the conflict of interest?

I mean, we are investigating direct links
between lobbyists and your administration.

- Yes, I see it. But I don't...
- MAN: Doesn't that concern you?

If you would just let me finish my sentence,
that would be very much appreciated.

Uh, I do see it.

It is also my understanding
that they may no longer be engaged.

So...

WOMAN: They've split up?

Um...

I think... They may have split up.

In addition to that,

I will say that I'm really not certain that Jack...
Jason was ever right for Catherine.

- WOMAN: But you just said that he was sweet.
- Mmm-hmm.

He can be sweet, uh, at one moment

and then he can be very controlling
in the next moment.

You know, lobbying for Oxfam,
or then lobbying for PhRMA.

And I meant consulting.

I have to go.
I've got to call the president of Africa. So...

I mean, South Africa specifically,
you know, so...

(GAVEL BANGING)

Miss Wilson, it has been said of you
that you could organize the D-Day landings

and still have time left over for lwo Jima.

And, unlike in reality,
I would have gotten lwo Jima right.

And yet this meeting between the president
and Congressman Pierce,

you have no record of that in your schedule.

Congressman Pierce was not disposed
in a manner that was indicative of a meeting.

I literally have no idea
what that sentence means.

There's a difference

between meeting someone
and having a meeting with them.

I mean, I once met Bill Gates,
but I didn't have a "meeting" with him.

We keep meticulous, exhaustive records

of emails, voice memos,
text messages, letters...

Chairman, Chairman,
we have all the emails, letters, texts,

but you mentioned
voice memos, Miss Wilson.

Yes.

Well, we have many forms of communication.

None of which you seem to be able to master
at the present moment.

Well, I wasn't responsible
for the voice memos.

- So who would know about...
- Mike McLintock.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

(GAVEL BANGING)

Mr. McLintock, please rise
and raise your right hand.

Do you solemnly swear
that the testimony you're about to give

is the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

So help me God. I do.

We have a witness go on record

saying that they saw you
in the White House parking lot

with Mr. Egan, Miss Brookheimer,
and Senator Pierce.

That's correct.

I ran into them by chance

because I was merely
getting something from my car.

What were you getting?

I'm Sorry?

What were you getting?

Uh... I was getting some medicine.

What kind of medicine?

Um...

It's knee medicine.

Knee medicine?

Yeah, knee medicine.

For one of... Just one of my knees.

Which one?

Which knee?

My left knee, Your Honor, sir.

My left knee.
I have problems with my left knee.

Um... It hurts when I crouch.

What was the name of the medicine?

Um, I want to say, it's called...

Crouch Cream.

But that's not right.

It's a white tube with a red label.

I'm sure an intern could research this.
It has a silhouette of a horse on it.

And I don't know why the horse is on there.

I guess horses probably
have good knees, so...

Um... But I think it's called...
Uh...

(GULPS) Knee-Z. Knee-Z Cream.

I don't think that's it. It's searchable.

I'm very positive.

Thank you for allowing me
to attend to presidential matters.

WOMAN: We still wish to consider
the outstanding issues

concerning your daughter and Mr. Read.

Who have definitely split up.

I'm quite undone. I'm really upset.

Um...

I had grown quite fond of dear Jason.

WOMAN: You've said
he's too old for your daughter

and that he can be controlling
and that he has two personalities.

I have a statement I'm going to read.

I am sad to confirm the end

of my daughter Catherine's
engagement to Jason Read.

This was for personal reasons,

unconnected to the ongoing inquiries
into my administration

other than the strain said inquiries
brought upon their relationship.

This may be a good day for truth,
but a sad day for love.

You recommended an app for the president,
did you not?

Yes, ma 'am.

Could you demonstrate
how the app works on your phone?

Yes, I'd be happy to.
(CHUCKLES)

So you go to your home screen, it's called.
Um, remember that.

And now you have to send it to someone.
So I could send it to...

You want to give me your number?

- Or I'll just send it to myself.
- Fine.

So, now, all I do ls, uh,

appropriately touch the icon for record.

And... Hey, Mike, it's Mike.

Um...

You're probably not going to get this
'cause you're in the hearings,

but I just wanted to tell you...

- That's quite enough.
- I've got to go, Mike.

And then you just press "send."

And it should instantly appear
on my memo app.

Which it's not doing.

Um, I don't know why.

Um, I guess that's why they say,
"Don't work with animals or technology."

I mean, that's why Jaws
was such a nightmare shoot.

I mean, mechanical shark? Forget it.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, Knee Free. That's the cream.

- Knee Free, if you... Okay, here it is.
-(CELL PHONE DINGS)

And... Hey, Mike. It's Mike. Um...

You're probably not going to get this
'cause you're in the hearings, but...

Pretty good clarity.

Could we hear some of the messages
that the president sent?

No, because I deleted them. They're deleted.

I mean, truthfully, these things were just
her talking about Advil and lemons.

Well, we'll see how many
when we listen to them.

Sadly, sir, I deleted those.

Yeah, but they still exist in the cloud,
as I'm sure you're aware.

SELINA: Ben, are Dan and Amy on course?

(COUGHING)

It can't happen.

Well, that could be about anything.

Probably about them...

You know... Um...

Mating.

And, "lt can't happen"?

"lt can't happen that we lose this vote."

Or is that too far-fetched for you?

Well, why did she mention it, then?

Well, she was feverish.

So you're saying she wasn't
in a fit state to govern?

No, I'm not saying that.

If I was saying that,
then that's what I would have said.

I mean, why are you
throwing pebbles at a tank? Stop.

You know, that lady,
she could govern herself through leprosy.

MAN: How would you characterize
your friendship

with Congresswoman Bennett?

Uh...

Well, I wouldn't say that we're friends.
I would say that we are friendly.

MAN: So she's not on the committee

to steer them away from issues
that might be uncomfortable for you?

No. Mmm-hmm.

I'm president. I don't have time for friends.

Madam President, it was you
who appointed a special prosecutor,

and we are the team under your appointee.

Yeah, well, there you go.

(GAVEL BANGING)

Mr. Ryan, it has come
to this committee's attention

that you suffered some emotional issues
during the run-up to the Families First bill.

I was touched.

Who touched you?

Uh... I would rather not say at this time.

Or any.

Can you give us a reason why?

Uh, excuse me for one moment.
I just have a very... A very dry mouth.

Setting their identity aside...

Setting their identity aside,
where did this person touch you?

Uh...

He touched me in a private place.

Can you be more specific?
Was it the buttocks?

No. No.

It was...

It was around the other side.

The crotch, presumably.

Was there ever any contact
between testicles and hands?

Okay, listen, I thought that this
was supposed to be about lobbying.

And it seems clear that the congresswoman

is pulling focus away
from the main concern of this panel.

Similarly with Miss Brookheimer's dress.

She can't have believed that this would work.

She never looks this humble.

I'm not... I'm not sure
what you're referring to, Mr. Ryan.

This is my everyday attire.

And I apologize if it offends you, but...

But you saw what she just did with the...

I mean, you saw that.

She is playing you like a cheap...

- BENNETT: Careful.
- Like an Xbox.

Mr. Ryan, trust me, no one is playing us.
We are unplayable.

I'd like to hear more
on the charges of molestation.

Go ahead.

Was there ever any contact
between testicles and hands?

No. Never.

My... Spheres

were always clothed.

I was in the workplace, so I...

Did he always grope both testicles?

I'm sorry, but can I be asked that question
by a male committee member?

No, I asked the question.

I'm sorry. I forgot the question.

Uh, did your abuser touch both
of your testicles?

- Thank you, Mr. Egan.
- Sure.

Who else was aware of this
during your time at the White House?

I... I also saw it.

(STAMMERS)

I can't stop... I can't stop thinking about it.

It's, you know... It's like a bell.
It can't be un-rung.

Where did you see it happen?

It was around the spheres.

I meant what area of the workplace.

Oh, yes. No, I'm sorry. Yes.

Uh, it was in a hallway.

Uh, same time as Dan.

In fact, he was coming
to fire Jonah as a scapegoat

for the child-mortality data breach. Oh!

- Okay, there's no further questions.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait...

Can you repeat that, Mr. Splett?

Uh... Actually, I'd like to plead the fifth.
I'd like to plead the fifth, please.

- Mr. Splett, can you repeat...
- I think that it is important that we hear...

Can you repeat what you just said, Mr. Splett?

- We were investigating a serious allegation...
- Congresswoman.

-...of abuse in the...
- Please!

Can you repeat what you just said, Mr. Splett?

Yes, I can. I'd like to plead the fifth.

- Before that.
- Okay. Uh...

I think I mistakenly said that

Dan was scapegoating Jonah
for the child-mortality data breach.

Can you tell us who was responsible
for the data breach, Mr. Cafferty?

No.

But you do know who was responsible?

No.

Can you tell us anything at all
about said data breach?

No.

Are you gonna continue
to answer every question

with a one-word answer, Mr. Cafferty?

No.

I am not.

WALLACE". Okay, that means nothing.

We need a name
or this administration is in big trouble.

MAN: Gary Walsh, any thoughts?

(SCOFFS) I don't know who that is.

- Who... Gary?
- MAN: Walsh.

On, the... Yeah. (LAUGHING)

MAN: Senator, do you think it's possible
Gary Walsh was responsible

for making payments to Mr. Egan
and Miss Brookheimer

-to lobby against the Families First bill?
-(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHING)

Forgive me for laughing at the notion.

Gary Walsh, you need to understand,
is a 12-year-old boy

trapped in the body of a 12-year-old girl.

WOMAN: Did you contact Amy Brookheimer
and Daniel Clifford Egan,

after they had left the White House,
with regard to the Families First bill?

I did.

Did you agree to pay them

to lobby against the bill
on behalf of the president?

Nope. Nope, nope, nope. No, I did not.

MAN: So did somebody else
make this arrangement...

Bill Ericsson.

- MAN: Will you let me finish my question?
- Mmm-hmm.

MAN: Someone else arranged
to make such a payment?

Yes.

- WOMAN: Who was it?
- Bill.

WOMAN: Bill...

Ericsson.

It was the director of communications.
Bill Ericsson.

MAN: You haven't been asked
to say Ericsson, have you?

No.

I believe that Bill Ericsson
would have been overseeing that aspect.

- Bill Ericsson.
- Bill Ericsson.

- Mr. Bill Ericsson.
- Bill Ericsson.

Yes, Bill Ericsson.

You listen to me.

I got into politics
because I have a very clear sense,

a burning sense of what is right
and what is good, all right?

I'm not an attorney, I don't point the finger,
I don't lay blame.

That's not who I am.

But in answer to your question, yes,

Bill Ericsson used misappropriated funds
to lobby against the president's bill.

This is a nightmare.

I'm probably gonna
be facing criminal charges.

- You consider yourself innocent?
- I am innocent.

Do you want me to take off my shirt

so that you can see all the knife handles
sticking out of my back?

Where is Congresswoman Bennett?

She is absent.

Yes, I got that. I took Noticing in high school.

I think the real issue now is Bill Ericsson

and what he may have done
or what he may not have done

and how his rogue actions
did or did not affect so many lives.

But that is, of course,
for you to determine yourselves.

You're only doing what they want you to do.
You are aware of that, right?

It's like I'm on the sacrificial altar,
and suddenly, everyone is wearing hoods.

The other day you had fun with my size

and the nicknames
that you gave me about my size.

Tall McCartney.

Skyscraper.

But Jonah Ryan is strong.

And if Jonah Ryan can help one man

who is dealing with
workplace sexual harassment,

then this entire ordeal will have been worth it.

- Watch this space. Thank you. Thank you.
-(APPLAUSE)

(GAVEL BANGING)

You know, there are probably fairer trials

happening right now
in the back of parking lots,

where the defendant is wearing
a mailbag on his head.

WOMAN: Please raise your right hand.

- WOMAN: Your right hand.
- Sorry, I was practicing in the mirror.

WOMAN: Do you solemnly swear
that the testimony you're about to give

is the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

Absolutely. Excited to do it.