Veep (2012–…): Season 4, Episode 3 - Data - full transcript

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Fundamentally,

the Families First bill
will help our most vulnerable kids,

like the little boy in Seattle who asked Santa

to teach him how to read for Christmas.

How did he write the note?

Or the little girl down in Pine Hill, Alabama.

She's HIV positive via breast milk,

but who still dreams of becoming a ballerina.

Well, they do need to stay thin.

SELINA: And why shouldn't they?



What? They do.

We want to give all kids
a reason to dance, you know?

DAN: Sir.
BEN: Yes?

- The HIV girl.
- Yes?

The one that
the President mentioned in the CBS interview.

- Yes?
- All right.

Well, some people on Reddit
put the details together.

Now the whole town knows who she is.

Fuck!

I preferred the Internet
when it was just AltaVista

and that little Star Wars kid.

- Did we definitely out this girl?
- Yeah.

- Shit.
- Only her doctor and her principal knew.

Now parents are keeping
their kids home from school



'cause they don't want them to, quote,
"Catch AIDS."

Well, there's a town with no gay pride parade
or a goddamn library.

Where did this data come from?
How did we get her medical records?

And why didn't we ask
her parents' permission?

Oh, thank you, Question Man.
You just saved the entire city.

Or did you?

This is catching fire like a gas station
in a Michael Bay movie.

- Yeah.
- What's our line here?

- Do we tell the President?
- No.

- No?
- No, she's gonna panic.

We got to find out more facts, all right?

- Bozos, disassemble.
- All right.

Okay.

I always feel like the ruching on this one
really accentuates your figure.

Okay, you're right. Let's go with that.

- Okay, I'll have the valet lay this out for you.
- No, you can do it.

On. (LAUGHS)

- Reminds me of an easier time, you know?
- Right.

-(CHUCKLES)
- Or a time whose problems I've suppressed.

Right.

Ooh, there's my favorite slice of fun.

Look at this.

What is this?

SELINA: (SIGHS) Catherine, you are smoking?

I'm vaping. That's not the point.

This has been happening every week.
My private life should be off-limits.

I see that you are still seeing Jason.

He photographs well for his age.

Ma'am, the Apple Growers Association

would like to name
a new brand of apple after you.

Is it a good apple?

- It's a baking apple.
- Fuck 'em.

Oh, and Bill Ericsson wants to see you
before you leave about Catherine.

- The smoking photograph.
- Vaping.

Actually, there is a Photoshopped image
in the Post

of what you and Catherine might look like
if you had eight years in power.

Oh, my God, I look like Grandpa.

- What?
-(GAS PS)

SELINA: Oh. What did they do to my nose?

Mom, what about me?

Huh?

Yeah, I know. I... This is so disrespectful.

Where is Mike? ls he still doing his gaggle?

- Yes, he's gaggling, ma'am.
- All right.

WOMAN: Will the President be commenting
on this breaking story

about little Jennifer Graham?

Uh, yes. Uh...

We will, uh,
very soon have a statement on that.

REPORTER: The White House
released the girl's private information.

Where did this confidential data come from?

(CLEARS THROAT) I know that the President
confirmed that she does have HIV and...

The girl, that is, has HIV.

Uh, but the provenance of that data
has yet to be determined.

- Ma'am, Mike is just...
- Yeah, I know. He's fluffing the hacks.

- Ma'am, this isn't a good time.
- Hi, everybody.

Is Mike sharing his donut holes with y'all?

(ALL LAUGHING)

And, Lyle, I hope that you're gonna bring
your daughter to the Easter Egg Roll.

Oh, thank you for remembering
I have a daughter, ma'am.

Oh, of course, yeah.

- And also my name.
- Yes.

-It's Lyle.
-lt's Lyle and it's my pleasure.

Hey, you know, speaking of daughters,
I just wanted to mention Catherine.

I know that she's the first daughter,

but I would be very grateful if you guys

would just give her a little bit of space
in her private life.

I mean, you know, I'm the rock star.
She's not the rock star.

(ALL LAUGH)

So, thanks, I appreciate it.
Great to see everybody.

With respect, ma'am,
do you think those same privacies

should be given
to an 8-year-old girl with HIV?

Um, well, HIV is a terrible burden,

and I'm very happy to be helping families
who are affected by it.

That is off the record.

BILL: Okay. This briefing is over.

Nice to see you guys.
I'll see you at the Easter Egg Roll.

- My friend, yes.
- Lyle.

What the hell?

Where did HIV come from?

I think some guy fucked a monkey.

Jesus Christ!
Why didn't you warn me about that, Mike?

Ma'am, I tried to, right when you came in.

No, you didn't.

- You're right, I didn't. I should have.
- That's right.

- You were right, ma'am.
- Yeah, no, you didn't warn me at all.

What the fuck is happening?

It's a data breach.

Medical, Social Security records
were hacked by someone working for us

and then put into
the Families First press pack.

That's not just a breach. That's a data rupture.

All of these words are meaningless to me.

Here's what we're gonna do.
It's an outrageous idea.

Let's find the person who's responsible
and let's fire them.

Ma'am, there's so much
data fluidity on this project,

the culprit will be hard to pin down.

Well, the press doesn't need the culprit.

The press needs a culprit.

You know, there are hordes of young women
who roam the halls of the West Wing.

- Yes?
-15% of them were hired to be fired.

- Yeah. We call them the Expendabelles.
-(LAUGHS)

- SELINA: That's not funny, boys.
- No.

Okay, Dan, go sacrifice a virgin.

Just another Saturday night.

- That's not funny, Amy.
- What? Why not?

Hey, Egan, is somebody gonna
get fired over this AIDSnami?

Oh, yeah. And I'm in charge
of the canning, Jonah.

I'm the Dan who can.

Okay, well, I was only involved
in the Families First bill via you, so...

What about your side-dick here?
You tell him stuff?

Oh, God, yes.
He was more involved than I was.

- He was up to his thighs in it.
- I don't think I was, sir.

How's the view from down there, you snake?

- It's harsh.
- Oh, harsh?

- JONAH: Okay, we need to be a unified front.
- Uh...

What are you guys doing right now?

Oh, we're working on the Veep's
walk-on music for tonight. The Police.

Law And Order mixed with very mild reggae,

I'd say a comforting balance.

Hey, Jonah, how would you like to be
a little more involved tonight?

Supervise the balloons,
the streamers, the fireworks?

- All right.
- Yeah?

You know I got an eye for that.
That's why I'm such a good photographer.

- Absolutely. Yeah.
- And I love fireworks.

The noise, the lights.

Mostly those aspects.

All right, look,
I'm gonna text you about this later.

Right now, I've gotta go.
This goat's not gonna scape itself.

I feel persecuted.

I'm just waiting for the press to throw me
in a pond to see if I'll float.

Honeymoon's over, isn't it?

It was kind of a shitty honeymoon, too.

- Just like my actual honeymoon with Daddy.
- I know, Mom.

The Onion did a parody
of that photo in the Post.

Oh, really? I like The Onion.

What you'll look like
when you're leaving office,

except you look exactly like you do now.

Okay.

They think
you'll only be president for a few months.

- That's the joke.
- No, no, I get it, yeah.

That's funny. That's funny stuff.

MAN: (ON TV) My girl's had her life ruined.

(CHUCKLING) How did the President
find out about her information?

This thing has gotten way too big.
It's like my mom's cat.

The President is just trying to help children.

I don't understand why everyone
keeps focusing on the negative, you know?

Maybe because, Gary, we ruined a girl's life.

Negative, negative, negative.

Mike, the National Parents Group

cut the cord on supporting Families First
at next week's press event.

Great, now parents hate us.

Oh, God, welcome to my childhood.

And adulthood, actually.

We need to shut the story down.

I'm aware of that. Thank you, Sue.

Well, why haven't you shut it down?

If you see a fire,
do you look at the fire and put it out,

or do you just say, "I'm aware of it"?

Sue cannot tell me how to do my job.

She just did.

Oh. I bet this baby
could sure spill a lot of glitter, am I right?

Put it down.

That thing goes off in your face,

the surgeon will be tweezering
tiny shamrocks

out of your eye jelly for a week.

Hello, sir. Jonah Ryan.

Now, I cannot tell you who we represent,

but let's just go so far as to say
that my boss is a powerful guy,

and his boss, I cannot stress her power...

I get it. He's VP Doyle,
she's temporary President Meyer.

You think confetti and a disco ball's

gonna keep those clowns
in the White House?

Well, sir, if you would like us
to take our business elsewhere, we...

Grow up, huh? I do anyone.

I did balloons for Jerry Ford in '76.

Met him. Asshole.

Uh, so, what can you organize for us?

- There's the, uh, Presidential.
- Oh, that sounds perfect.

That's bottom of the range.
You don't want that.

I just named it Presidential
because of that asshole Ford.

We've been told to really go to town.

Well, then
you want the Star-Spangled Banger

or Red, White, and Whoo-hoo.

Now, will we have some sort of
creative control over the music?

I don't give a shit, son. I still get paid.
Let me show you what we got.

-(SIGHS) There she is.
- Hey.

- Hey, I'm excited.
- Okay. Good.

I'll warm them up for you.

- Question is, how hot do you want them?
- Red hot.

Gonna do the snail joke, right?
That's your trademark joke. Signature joke.

Yeah, you don't have to do the snail joke.

(CHUCKLES) It's so funny.

Uh, Andrew, listen.
Let me ask you something.

Do you think this HIV girl thing
is killing us, or what?

No, no, no. You're gonna be fine.

Look, the news moves so quickly,

we'll have a new iPhone
or the Chinese will be in Chicago.

- Amy, can I talk to you a sec?
- Sure.

Doyle's using Every Breath You Take
for his walk-on music.

He loves that song.
He got married to it, both times.

Every line ends with, "I'll be watching you."

Sting might as well be singing,
"I'll access your medical data,"

in a fake Jamaican accent.

Having fun?

Yes, ma'am.

- But also working hard.
- Mmm-hmm.

- Thank you for asking.
-lt's Chloe?

-It's Ellie.
- Lee.

- Lee.
- Lee?

- Lee.
- Ah.

You can't change the music.
It's all cued up with the light show.

Fuck the light show, Jonah, okay?
He's the Vice President, not the new Lexus.

- Fuck the light show?
- Yeah, fuck it.

Be careful with this, Mr. Ryan.

It burns your hand
even through the corrugated sleeve.

Can you do this?

Is there a way to change Doyle's music
without screwing up the lights?

- Oh, absolutely.
- Great.

Well, I'm not sure,
but positivity is the first step.

- Love it.
- Change it to what?

- Doesn't matter.
- I honestly have no idea.

What do you have on your phone?

Well, it's mostly self-help audio books
and relaxation tapes.

I'm quite an anxious man.

Oh, you know what? I've got movie themes.

I'll cue Eye of the Tiger.

Okay, guys, guys. Eye of the Tiger?

Any controversial lyrics in that?

- It's good. It's good.
- Do it. Do it.

MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
the Vice President of the United States.

(PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
Every breath you take

(WHISPERS) What the fuck?

Uh-oh. What?

I don't know what's happened.

You know, I usually use a Mac,
so this is Windows 8's fault if anybody's.

Every bond you break
Every step you take

You know, the great Mark Twain,

one of my dream dinner party guests
in actual fact...

(CROWD LAUGHING)

...once said that...

Screwed over by the Police.

I'm Rodney fucking King.

Another blunder to undermine my campaign.

It's not a blunder.
lt was an unfortunate mistake.

- Yes, the definition of a blunder, so...
- Right.

Nobody listens to the words anyways.
You know? I just dance. (CHUCKLES)

Twitter has it.
#EveryLittleThingSheDoeslsTragic.

DOYLE: So, without further delay,
please welcome onto this stage...

Go get 'em.

-...the President of the United States.
-(CROWD CHEERING)

(HAIL TO THE CHIEF PLAYING)

They loved it, ma'am.
You were like a rock star.

Not Sting. Uh, Kurt Cobain. Well, not him.

It was my rally, okay?
My supporters, of course.

It's like getting a valentine
from your own mom, you know?

Ma'am, we're losing micro-donors.
We'll be down to nano-donors.

What do you mean,
we're losing micro-donors?

- We can't. That's our backbone.
- Yes.

AMY: They want to be removed
from our database.

They don't want us
having their personal data.

MAN: Madam President, when are you gonna
make a statement about Jennifer Graham?

It's vital that these small-time nobodies
realize we respect them, okay?

WOMAN: Jennifer Graham's aunt says,

"Only an unfit mother
would be immune to her niece's suffering."

Okay, I'm gonna
have to answer that, all right?

I'm gonna make a statement on camera.

Do you think that's the best move, ma'am?

The thing I just said that I should do?
Do I think it's the thing I should do?

Is that your question, Mike?

- We've decided to make a quick statement.
-(CLEARS THROAT) Um...

I just want to simply say
that I had no knowledge of this data breach.

But as President, I take full responsibility
because that's part of the job.

(FIREWORKS EXPLODING)

Um, I'm going to find out who's responsible

-and why it happened and how it happened.
-(CONTINUES EXPLODING)

And lastly, I want to extend my apologies
to Jennifer Graham

-and her entire...
-(CONTINUES EXPLODING)

If that happened, it would be hugely
damaging and enormously problematic.

- Hi, Madam President.
- Hi.

- Ma'am, got us a scapegoat.
- Oh.

Girl in the writers' room
for the joint sessions speech.

She was also at the rally tonight.
Sci-fi Sally something.

- Ellie?
- Chloe.

- Marie.
- Claire.

- It's Lee.
- KENT: Gary is right.

Her name is Lee and she is a fine staffer.

Great on close reading and policy analysis.

I see splashes of myself in her.

I now regret that phrase.

Ma'am, the American Family Group
is pulling their support.

- What?
- Yeah.

Where did you get that from?

- An anonymous source.
- Shit.

Who's my sister-in-law,
who works for the American Family Group.

- Okay, Dan.
- Yeah.

Go fire Lee.

Mike, announce a head is rolling.

Okay, Ben, Amy, go fix this fireworks shit.

- Gary, I need an energy bar.
- Yeah.

- No, apple. No, fuck it, cheese.
- Mmm. Oh.

- Ma'am...
- Look, Kent, I'm sorry, but Chloe's got to go.

- It's not Chloe, it's Lee.
- Okay.

- And anyway, it's not Lee, it's Catherine.
- What?

She wants to work with
an anti-bullying charity.

What, is she nuts?

I mean, it's gonna make it look like
she thinks her mom bullied her.

Well, I think she's calculating
that this will make her more likable.

Not with me, it fucking won't.

Ma'am, cheese is on its way.
Here's an interim banana.

It doesn't even work.

So, do I leave tomorrow?

You leave now.

Unless you're on a tour,
you will not be at the White House tomorrow.

What if I cried?
Like the women do in movies?

Wouldn't work. You're talking to a guy

who once broke off an engagement
at an Applebee's, then ordered dessert.

May I have your pass?

It was a pleasure working with you...

Lee.

REPORTER: (ON TV) With more revelations in
the Medileaks scandal emerging,

who knew?

Was there a cover-up?

And if so,
how far up the chain of command did it go?

Oh, it's working its way up my chain
of command. I think it's reached my pancreas.

Private medical details
released by the White House

have now identified five more children...

Fitting that for Easter,
this story refuses to fucking die.

Is there no other news?
Whatever happened to Ebola? I loved Ebola.

So, we threw someone off the life raft.

Did no one think to tell the sharks?

Uh, ma'am, I don't think
the girl was senior enough.

We need to cut the throat of a bigger goat.

So, who's next for the guillotine?

- Uh, Jonah Ryan.
- Jonah?

Yes, ma'am. I've been fattening him up
for just this occasion.

- What?
- Oh, I got him a staff.

And I got him involved in Families First.
I even got him on the campaign.

He's the one who did the fireworks
and the music for last night.

(WHISPERS) That was him?

- Off with his fat head.
- I can easily link him to

the whole data breach thing...

It's like he has no sense of what's going on.

Excuse me. Did you know
that Dan was in the middle of speaking?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Thank you.

And plus,
he's got that whole inherently guilty look.

You know, that kind of
surprised masturbator face. The...

Yeah, he does. Do it. Get rid of him.
Throw him under a bus.

If you can find one that's long enough.

Hey, Egan, VP wants to see the P.

He thinks a bigger head needs to roll, okay?
Like a massive, Easter Island-sized head.

- Hmm.
- No. No.

Look at me, I've got a small head.
I could wear a child's hat.

And besides,

I know about you spreading
the Danny Chung torture rumor.

Oh, well, that's useless leverage
right now, Jonah,

because you have
all the credibility of someone

who hacked the medical records
of a sick child.

- No...
- Hey, "I Am Groot,"

stop swapping spit here with Pretty Woman
and get me Brock and Hunter.

Absolutely. Sorry, I was
just on my way to go do that.

It's an important meeting, okay? It's seminal.

(LAUGHS) on, hey.

You already did this great joke.

Damn, man, this guy's balls are so big,
they're practically tits.

Huh? Johnny Tit-Balls.

Yeah, don't squeeze the milkers too much.

(LAUGHS)

Milkers. Love it.

You were firing me?

What the hell was that?

Nothing. It's just jock stuff.
You know, just guys having fun.

That isn't, Jonah. That's sexual harassment.
Jesus, does he do that to you all the time?

No, not all the time.

Sometimes, but not all the time.
It's just high spirits.

Mr. Ryan, so, they were out of tuna melts,

so I improvised
and I got you this lobster curry roll.

All right, look, zip it, Jeeves.
I'm in the middle of firing your boss.

Wow, over the campaign data thing?

- The what?
- The I Care mailer.

All right, no?

I'm picking up from your facial cues
that you don't know.

Here's four verbal cues for you.
"Tell me now, asshole."

Well, that mailer was deliberately directed
at recently bereaved parents.

Bereaved parents?

Yeah, someone from the campaign
used the child mortality data

from the same data breach
that identified the HIV girl.

Okay, Yogi and Boo Boo,

you say nothing to anyone.
You understand me?

- Yes.
- Well, obviously you don't,

-'cause you just fucking spoke.
- Oh.

DAN: Shit! Amy, the gates of hell have opened
and you are my plus-one.

You cannot be associated with bullying

because people are going to think
that you were bullied by me.

I wasn't bullied by you,
I was bullied because of you.

Did you want me to leave?

- No, no.
- CATHERINE: Yes.

No, you weren't, sweetheart.

Yes, I was, and it was miserable.

Well, I apologize for my success, Catherine.

I had no idea until this very moment

that you had a tortured, unhappy,
miserable upbringing.

You're gonna have to drop the bullying thing,
though, honey.

No, I'm not gonna drop it.

Do you want to go to Hawaii at Thanksgiving?

Are you interested in
Memaw's sapphire earrings?

Are you bullying me
into dropping an anti-bullying charity?

Gary, am I?

-(CHUCKLES) You're parenting.
- Yeah, well, too, I might add.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.
- AMY: We'll explain later.

No, we won't. We'll never explain.

Ma'am, Catherine needs to leave.

Okay, Catherine, up, out.

- For fuck's sake.
- All right.

That's enough with the F words.
Thank you very much.

I apologize for her... What is it?

I can't tell you.

Well, great meeting, then, thanks.

Ma'am, if we tell you, you'll know,
and if you know, you'll be implicated.

Well, then, uh, why don't you tell me

and I'll decide whether or not I know it?

Ma'am, a direct mail campaign went out
last month with pictures of you

-with babies and children.
- Yeah.

Yeah, it was a huge success.

Ma'am, it targeted recently bereaved parents
using stolen government data.

Mmm.

Well...

That's a federal crime.

- Yes.
- Yes, it is.

You could go to jail.

Yes, ma'am, we could go to jail.

Yeah, you could go to jail.

(SIGHS) Wow.

(SELINA SIGHS)

We're fucked? ls that what this is?

Like "I'm afraid it's spread to the
liver" fucked?

Ma'am, we think it was a student volunteer
with a pal at HHS, but he's gone now.

If we can just hold our nerve
and maintain a bunker mentality...

Don't give me that bunker shit.

Hitler went into a bunker,
and when he came out,

he wasn't chancellor anymore, was he?

Plus he was dead.

I'll tell you something,
if he were alive right now,

he'd be very anxious
to distance himself from me at this moment.

We need to keep this within these four...

Or this one curved wall.

We need to stop the press dead
so they don't dig into this any further.

And that means a major resignation.

A face. Although, if you operate
last in, first out, I'm screwed.

Uh, ma'am, I have a proposal
I need to speak with you about.

Okay, fine. Amy, Ben, you stay.
Everybody else, just get out.

(SIGHS)

I need to be the one to go.

You? No, no. Uh-uh.

Yes, Madam President.

This is a head-on collision,
and I'm your biggest air bag.

Okay, so we need to issue
a positive statement about the HIV girl.

Not positive. Wrong word.

Mike, did I see you smiling
when it was suggested I might be fired?

Me? No. I wasn't smiling.

I was stretching my lips
because I have very dry lips,

and my doctor said,
"You should probably stretch them."

- So I was following medical advice. Like...
- Uh-huh.

- Like that.
- That's what you're going with? Wow.

Listen, you ever play poker?
I want in, 'cause you are one terrible liar.

And that's sad 'cause that's your whole job.

Why are you using the urinal next to me?
You leave a gap.

- I've already started.
-(URINATING)

- The little one gives me splash-back.
- Still, you leave a gap.

We're not piss buddies.

Damn, that's some kind of prostate control.
Treasure it, my friend.

So, you want to know if the President told me
who she's firing, right?

- Yeah.
-lt's me.

You don't tell anyone
until she's made an announcement.

- You got it?
- Yeah, not a word.

You swear by everything
you hold dear in your hand right now?

I do.

DAN: I swear on King Danny.

This is an Easter Egg Roll
and I just see baskets with no eggs.

Gary, front row for the story reading

needs to be the children
with the strongest bladders.

I don't even know what that means.
What are you talking about?

- Oh, thank God.
- Why am I carrying eggs, huh?

- L'm up to my eyeballs in HIV.
- No, no, don't give them to me.

There's a six-foot bunny out there
with 30 spoons. You can't miss him.

(CHILDREN CHATTERING)

-lt's Ben.
- No way.

No, who's getting fired, Mike.

- What?
- Yeah.

GIRL: I found another one.
MAN: How many do you have?

Well, thank you for your service, Greg.

Very happy to have
one of my Marines in costume.

- You're welcome, ma'am.
- Actually, I'm really glad you're here.

These kids terrify me.

(BOTH LAUGH)

But I guess you've seen worse.
You did two tours of Afghanistan?

- Yes, ma'am.
- Uh-huh.

GREG: I saw my best buddy die over there.

Blown to pieces by an lED.

Mr. Egan. You have a moment?

- BEN: Yeah, I'll call you back.
- Sure.

- Hey, Dan.
- I thought you resigned.

Uh, I guess the President changed her mind.

It's a fickle world, my friend,
and you've just been fickled.

No. No, this is not... This is not real.

You're right, Dan. It's a dream.

And me and Kent are about to turn into
two horny cheerleaders and start making out.

So, am I fired?
Please, Ben, don't say that I'm fired.

- You're not fired.
- Oh, thank fuck for that.

- Because you've just resigned.
-lt's a perfect fit.

Worked on the Families First bill

and handsome, therefore, guilty-looking.

No, no. No.

I know about the targeting
of bereaved families

and the use of federal data.

You listen to me,
you little fucking turd's assistant.

You don't threaten this administration,
because we will fucking destroy you.

We'll skin you like a squirrel,
clean you out like a dirty fucking chimney,

and wear you
like a glove puppet with my fingers

sticking out of your dead fucking eyeballs.

I cannot endorse that message,
but I do acknowledge it.

Come inside.

Hi, boys and girls.

Now, once upon a time,

there were three little pigs

with their mom, who was an old sow.

And she sent them out to seek their fortune.

Yeah, you know what? I, uh...

I think I'm gonna need a bigger title
before I agree to resign.

How about Captain Loser?

Or Big Chief Skidmark?

And the President will be
making another apology

personally to the family of Jennifer Graham.

She is a young girl who did not ask
to become a national debating point.

I must be their front-runner.
I already did the job for three years.

-Amy.
-I got to go.

Ben's not going. It's Dan.

Mike's about to saw off the healthy leg.

Oh, fuck!

You can be sure
that the President is taking steps

to ensure that appropriate
action will be taken.

(IN LOW VOICE) "Little pig,
little pig, let me in.

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) "No, no.

"Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin."

All right, how about
Deputy Assistant to the President?

(CHUCKLES) That's funny.

Ben, Mike's about
to announce we're firing you.

Now, that's funny.

So, he huffed and he puffed
and he blew his house in.

Now it's the President's turn
to tell the story, please.

- BOY: You're the President?
- Yeah, I'm the President.

Wow.

The Graham family have requested privacy
and that we allow them to live a normal life.

Oh, here's the new statement.
Get that to Mike. I can't run in these heels.

Christian, get that to Mike now!

The person with ultimate responsibility is...

ls Dan Egan, Chief Counsel to the President?

Come over here, young man.
lt looks like you don't feel very good.

- Is that your son?
- He's gifted.

SELINA: There we go. Uh-oh.

Ch.

- He did have a big breakfast.
- Okay.

Do you like the story that I'm reading?

You do?

CHILD: Ew, you got snot...

(KNOCKS)

- Hey, man.
- Yeah, well, you know, enjoy it.

I'm not here to gloat. I've been through this.

Just tell me which way
the vultures are circling, okay?

There's a big media presence
by the northwest gate.

You want me to grab one?

I'm going out a different door.
Taken enough fucking heat for one day.

That, uh, photo of you with the kids
will play great.

- Oh, it was so good.
- Yeah.

It was like earth mother meets foster parent
with a hint of girl next door.

- I need a scotch.
- Yes.

There you go. Stay strong, buddy.

- Thanks.
- Hey, let me get this for you.

-(lNDISTINCT SHOUTING)
- Oh, God, I meant southeast gate.

REPORTER: Mr. Egan,
do you feel ashamed of your actions?

Excuse me.

(CHUCKLES)

I thought... When we discussed,
I thought that it was Ben who would be going.

Oh, right. Yeah, actually... Bill suggested Dan.

He thought it would be a good idea

to keep Ben to take the heat
in case the other data shit hits the fan.

- Good thought, right?
- Yeah.

- Just doing my job.
- Me, too.

Stevie, it's Dan Egan.

So, um, it looks like I am a free agent again.

Yeah, so give me a call.

It's the same number
as the last two messages.

Hey, Jen, it's, uh... It's Dan.

Either your phone is dead or I am.
So, obviously, I hope it's the first one.

Josh Stansfield.

(CHUCKLES)

How are you? It's Dan Egan.

So, look, I... And you've gone.

-(GROANS)
-(HORN HONKS)