Veep (2012–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - First Response - full transcript

SELINA: Thank you so much
for setting this interview up, Dan.

- I really appreciate it. It's perfect.
- My pleasure.

- Look, this is a walk in the park.
- Yeah.

This is a nice casual conversation
between two friends.

- Today, America is a guest in your home.
- Welcome, America.

The thing to keep in mind is
Janet needs this more than you do.

- That is so true.
- Okay.

(SOFTLY) I mean,
she's kind of a lightweight now.

- We're doing her a favor.
- She's a dud.

You know what? We got to prep.
Prep time, let's go.

- DAN: Okay.
- The song that offended half of Europe?



- DAN: Uh-huh.
- It didn't offend half of Europe.

Okay, fine.

Well, I have to tell you, Janet,
that was a lighthearted parody.

On the campaign trail,
you and Andrew were all smiles,

but behind the scenes,
you were fighting like snakes in a bag.

You're a fraud and a liar, ma'am.

- Wow. What? What are you doing?
- I'm hitting you.

Guys, we're prepping for a puff piece,
not for a roast.

Right. What is she wearing, by the way?

She's wearing a, uh, navy jacket.

It's conservative and desperate
at the same time. It's...

What? Look at what I'm wearing.

Do we know what she's wearing yet?
Can we find out?

We are gonna go in there in just a moment.



- They're expecting a puff piece.
- Right.

There's the bluff puff,
which we're gonna start out with.

You're her friend.
You went to high school together.

- Mmm-hmm.
- You guys like each other.

Then we switch right over to rough puff.

- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay? Nobody does rough puff like you.

(BOTH GROWL)

- Give me that rough puff.
- All right, Puff Daddy.

- Ooh.
- What is this one doing?

He is moving a legless horse.

- Oh, Catherine.
- Miss Ryland.

- It is such an honor to meet you.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.

- I'm such a fan of yours.
- Thank you.

I actually am hoping to
study broadcast journalism.

Right now I'm studying film studies
and postmodern dance.

How wonderful.

We'll have to talk about that
when the cameras are rolling.

I would love that.

I'm taking this really cool class where we sort
of debate current issues through movement.

- Let's get you miked up.
- Oh.

Oh, my God. This is a problem.

- Look at this.
- For the poof, you mean?

Put your hands in your pockets.

Looks like I'm masturbating
if I got my hands in my pockets.

Put the blanket over it,
or is that too FDR?

Can you guys please kneel down?

'Cause I feel like I fell into a well
or something and it's hurting my neck.

Okay, they're gonna bring
up the rafting trip.

Well, I took my ex down to the river,

and, uh, I tried to smash his head
in with a rock and then drown...

(ALL LAUGH)

- This is Cody Marshall.
- Cody Marshall.

- He's the producer for First Response.
- Hi, Cody Marshall.

I'm sorry, am I interrupting
a team prayer meeting?

We're just doing a height thing.
(LAUGHS) it was nothing.

CODY: Okay. Good luck, everyone.

- Thank you so much. Very kind. Thank you.
- Good luck.

Thanks for being here.
We really appreciate it.

(SIGHS) Okay, she's wearing a bluish dress
like she vomited flowers all over herself.

- She's kind of a frumpy librarian.
- Okay. All right.

Yes! All right, we're in business.

- What?
- Just confirmed a leaked e-mail.

Her ex-husband promising access
for business favors.

- He actually brags about it.
- I know. It's almost too painful.

Brags about access.

Just drag her in with the kindness, then turn
great white and start taking chunks out of her.

She's not much of a meal.

- Oh, is it Greg?
- Gary.

- Gary, we're all set up, so if you can...
- GARY: Yeah.

Great. Yeah.

- Madam Vice President.
- Janet Ryland.

Gosh, I think the last time
that we saw each other was at the...

- The Correspondents' Dinner.
- The Correspondents' Dinner. That's right.

- I think you've grown since then.
- (LAUGHS)

Either that or you've gotten shorter.

- Oh, well...
- No, it's me. I've got heels on.

Well, anyway, I'm so happy you're here.

- So you found the joint okay.
- Oh, yeah.

I think this is our fourth
vice presidential interview.

- Is that so?
- Mmm-hmm.

The three of them were excellent,
so no pressure.

- He's talking to me.
- Okay.

So what is the plan, then?
Oh, what are we going to do?

Well, we'll start, I think,
just with a little walk around the room.

And then the formal interview,
I thought, right here.

- Oh, right here? Okay.
- Yeah.

But that means that this has to go.

I thought you were doing it over there.

No, we did, but we're gonna do it here,
and that's perfectly fine.

So we'll get that poor thing away.

Anyway, um, have you met my daughter?

So you did get my final e-mail on topics?

No, but my spam filter did.

Seriously, did you get it?

Did I? (LAUGHS)

Yeah, we're all set.
Let's make some history here, folks.

CODY: Okay, roll cameras.

Thank you so much for inviting us into
your home today, Madam Vice President.

Oh, well, it's certainly my pleasure.

I thought it might be fun

to talk about what's original
and what's been augmented over the years.

- Uh, we're talking about the building, right?
- (BOTH LAUGH)

- Because I'm original.
- You certainly are.

- No, yes, the building, ma'am.
- Yes.

SELINA: Um, the building itself
is Queen Anne style.

Many of the objects, um, are from the good
old boys in the Navy, as a matter of fact.

- Really?
- Jolly Jack Tars.

For instance,
this spyglass here, or telescope...

- To see spies. (LAUGHS)
- If only, right?

You know, since you brought it up,
would you care to comment

on the CIA operative rescued
with the students in Uzbekistan?

Well, I really...

I wouldn't know what to say because, at
this point, the investigation is pending.

Now this here
is a stunning sort of navigational device.

I just thought you might want to comment on

how he endangered
the lives of those young students.

But it would be wrong and unethical
for me to prejudge the investigation.

- This is a bell.
- (BELL DINGS)

Can we get some shots ofjust you
and Janet walking in the hallway?

- Sure.
- No sound.

We're gonna just do some establishing
shots. We'll put her voice over...

- We'll lay that in later.
- Yeah, okay.

CODY: And action.

SELINA: Yeah, I thought we said that the spy
thing was completely off-limits, you know?

JANET: I'm sorry, it seemed to me...

SELINA: I'm really hoping that that's gonna
be the last and only gotcha question.

JANET: ltjust seemed to me
that you were wanting me to bring it up.

SELINA: No. That wasn't the case at all.

JANET: I understand why you're tense.

SELINA: No, I'm not tense, Janet.
I'm not even remotely tense.

- Just trying to get this done right.
- Mmm-hmm.

SELINA: This is some old shit by somebody.
I don't know who it is.

JANET: Is this house haunted?
SELINA: Oh, God, I don't know.

I hate this house, to tell you the truth.
It's like living in a doll's jail.

Cynthia, could I get clips?

CODY: Okay, let's settle.
Clear the background, please.

- Gives you a nicer line.
- Oh, really?

You don't need clips. Your shape is great.

- But what about this?
- Oh, my God.

Okay, here, let's tuck this under.
(SOFTLY) Put your hands like this.

- But that looks like I have a stomachache.
- Thank you so much.

Okay, uh, let's roll cameras.

Everybody settle in here. Thank you, Glen.

- CODY: Sound?
- Sound speeding.

CODY: And we are rolling.

You know what? I'm feeling
a little bit dark.

Yeah, just while they're cut.

Gary, can we get that light back?
Sorry, let's move that light back.

Can we get a couple of lights
for the Vice President?

- Yeah, let me just pull that out of my ass.
- It's DC.

You can find someone
willing to open their ass on a Sunday.

Great. Good luck.

CODY: Sound is speeding.

Everyone is set and settled.
They look great.

And rolling.

Have you read Randall Howard's

Hearts of Power:
DC's Most Influential Couples?

Sadly, I don't have a lot
of time to read fiction.

(BOTH LAUGH)

JANET: Now, during the election, uh,

- (CLEARS THROAT)
- there were reports of screaming matches

with you and your ex-husband Andrew

and suggestions that the smiles and shows
of affection were all faked for the camera.

Was your friendship all for show?

Absolutely not.

Now, Andrew was
on the campaign trail with me,

really, because he shared, and still
does share, um, my vision for America.

CODY: Okay.
AMY: We'd like to reset for lighting.

- We're gonna reset for lighting.
- Just a quick lighting reset.

And, really, she can move on from Andrew.

I mean, she can push as much as she likes,

but you're just gonna get the same answer,

- so...
- Mmm.

Have you seen television news before?

No, I am hoping to
get the box set for Christmas, though.

- That's what it feels like.
- Mmm-hmm.

- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- What...

- Excuse me.
- Okay.

Yes?

- What are you...
- Come here.

- Why? Why are you calling me?
- Come here.

Jesus, you might as well cut out eye holes
and peer through a fucking newspaper.

What the fuck are you doing?

- (SOFTLY) It's Apocalypse Now.
- (CELL PHONE BEEPS)

There's an e-mail from
Andrew to a lobbyist.

He's claiming super access to Selina.
He's bragging about it.

- This?
- It's fucking Andrew, yeah.

- Madam Vice President.
- Yes! Yes.

Does your ex-husband Andrew
have any political aspirations?

Oh, my goodness.

(SOFTLY) We've got to tell her.
We've got to tell her.

No, no, no, don't say anything to Selina.

- Why?
- 'Cause Janet's right there.

You don't think she's gonna notice
we're whispering in her ear?

Then she gets on,
and she tells this dildo to look it up.

- And then we have a fucking story.
- What's going on?

- Andrew's fucking us again.
- He's screwed us in all known dimensions.

- What's new?
- Another scandal.

- Yeah, but this is fucking bad shit.
- He's political poison. He's political...

- Hi, Andrew.
- Andrew.

He's been in commercial real estate
his entire life.

So there's no reason there would be...
Should be a crossover?

Well, I certainly couldn't, you know,
answer that question, um, for him.

Would it surprise you to learn that,
only moments ago, a blog has reported

that your ex-husband promised a lobbyist
favorable access to your office?

Um...

It does exist in an actual e-mail

- from your ex-husband.
- Oh.

- I see. Okay.
- "Hi, Jim. Remember,

"I have the Vice President's ear
and I can get all kinds of access to her."

JANET: And then there's one of those winking
emoticons at the bottom there, so...

Uh-huh. I'm guessing that
that was meant as some sort of a joke.

You know, Andrew Meyer has no influence
whatsoever, um, over my decision-making.

It's hard to believe
because you've just painted a picture

of your relationship being very close,
extremely close.

We're not telepathically linked.
He can't read my mind. (LAUGHS)

AMY: Hey, that's our 15 minutes.
That's the 15-minute mark. Great. Great.

Let's take a break. Let's take a break.

- Oh!
'GOG!

Okay.

- AMY: Are you okay, Gary?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm good.

Sorry, could I just adjust your radio mike?

- I'm getting some static. Ow! Whoa!
- I got it.

Okay, my ears are my livelihood.
You don't need to...

Okay, I bet. All right.
Let's just back off.

- Are you okay?
- Fine.

I know that you want to
kill somebody right now.

Yeah.

But unfortunately,
it can't be anyone in the building.

- Okay?
- Okay_

When Selina told me who was gonna be
interviewing me, you couldn't keep me away.

- (LAUGHS)
- Talk to you a little later on.

- Wonderful. I look forward to it.
- I do, too.

But, um, let's take you now
and get you all changed and fixed up.

(LAUGHS) When we were married,
he took longer in the bathroom than I did.

- That's not true. Why would you say that?
- Come on. Just get in here.

- What the hell is this thing?
- That's a cable.

- Oh, shit.
- There's a cable.

- Listen to me. What were you thinking?
- What? It was a joke.

Once again, Andrew, you have totally
lived down to my expectations.

When I invited you here to the residence

- to fuck me, I didn't mean this.
- Mmm-hmm.

ANDREW: Aren't we using each other?

- What are you talking about?
- Okay, I'll spell it out for you.

How easy is it for the Vice President
of the United States of America

to get some casual sex?

I'm convenient. And, I know...

SELINA: Let me tell you something.
That's right.

- Mmm-hmm.
- I am the Vice President of the United States,

and I choose now not to fuck you anymore.

Time will tell.

I've got to change.

- Yeah, you look awful.
- You look wonderful.

Stop it. (CLEARS THROAT)

- He's gonna go just change.
- Wait, where's he going?

- To get my stuff.
- In my bedroom.

Oh, no. Uh-huh.

Oh, Andrew's been Veep-fucking?

You knew about this?

Okay, this is a category five shit storm.

She's over. She's done. I'm gone.

Um, I'm wondering if we can get just a shot
of Andrew's entrance just for establishing.

So you guys meet here, kiss, kiss, hi, hi.
It's a family getting together...

No, no, no, I understand what an
entrance is and how to greet people.

- I get that.
- That's great.

- Okay.
- CODY: Oh, here he comes!

AMY: No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.

No, no, no, you're not gonna get this.

I'm so sorry. We're not gonna do that.

We don't have a front door in our attic like
in some sort of Dr. Seuss book or something.

Sometimes filming these off-guarded
moments, things get a little tense.

Well, no, it's not tense at all.

We're having a great time
and I'm thrilled you guys are here,

- but let's just do it the right way.
- Okay.

- Andrew!
- Hi, Dad.

How are you? Nice to see you. Excuse me.

- How are you? Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.

- Dad.
- Hi. How are you?

How often does this happen?

- Oh, gosh.
- BOTH: Um...

Once a week,
we get together for a gab and a gobble.

Yeah, well, I mean, you know,
schedules permitting and stuff,

because now I really consider myself to be
married to my vice presidential office.

I mean, recently,

Mary King and I were working
through the night to avoid this shutdown.

And, of course, it wasn't avoided, sadly.

Do you think you could have
worked a little harder on that? (LAUGHS)

Well, we are working harder.

- Um, it's frustrating, of course.
- Sure. To the American people it is.

It's a very long process. And...

- Knock, knock, J Rock is in the...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Ooh, ooh.

We're in the middle of filming.
Oh, my goodness, Jonah.

J Dog. J Dog.

- SELINA: Howdy, handsome. How are you?
- How are you doing?

- Hey, Jonah.
- Great to see you again.

- God, you've grown up, huh?
- Huh. Oh.

I had a great time at your birthday party,
by the way.

That's great.

- Great to see you.
- Hey, how's it hanging?

Jonah is our...
Dear Jonah is, um, our White House liaison.

Guilty.

And he's one of the more colorful
characters in the West Wing.

- I'll say. That was quite an entrance.
- Oh, thank you. I try to make a mark.

I just want to say I'm a huge fan, by
the way. I love your work, genuinely.

- Thank you.
- And, actually, I'm gonna give you my card

just in case you ever need any sort of,
like, "inside the West Wing" kind of stuff.

I do occasional media appearances.
I give great talking head.

Jonah, to what may we owe this pleasure?

Oh, I just got off the phone
with the White House,

and in 15 minutes, POTUS is going to
announce that the shutdown is over.

- Is that true?
- Isn't that great?

- Isn't that great?
- Move in on her.

Yeah, the Speaker, Senate Majority Leader,
and POTUS, they thrashed out a deal,

- and we switched America back on.
- Uh-huh, yes.

- Congratulations, Madam Vice President.
- Thank you.

- (APPLAUSE)
- We did it. We did it. You did it.

The resolution took less time
than you anticipated.

Well, it took all the time
leading up to this time.

- So you were expecting a solution today?
- Yes, I was, yes.

And yet you said
it was going to be a long process.

- And it was, yeah. It was.
- Were you involved in the...

Janet, it's like when
you loosen a pickle jar

and somebody comes by
and they just open it.

- (LAUGHS)
- MIKE: This is the shutdown lid loosener.

- The pickle jar loosener.
- (LAUGHS) I like it.

No, but can you talk us through
the final agreement?

I can... It's... You know, um...

I can, and I also want to eat some lunch.

- Are we hungry?
- Yeah.

MIKE: Definitely.
AMY: Yeah, let's get some lunch.

MIKE: That's a cut. Yeah,
I think that's a cut.

AMY: Lunchtime.
MIKE: That's a cut.

- Okay, she doesn't...
- Oh, my God, she didn't know.

JANET: That reminded me why I got into
this business in the first place.

- I am so attracted to you right now.
- (JANET LAUGHS)

I think that I'd like to just sit back
and watch you all prepare this meal.

Pretend I'm not here.

- Mmm-hmm.
- I kind of want to be the fly on a wall.

Oh, my God.
Andrew, that's getting everywhere.

Um, I'm gonna get you a peeler, okay?

- I don't need a peeler. Thank you.
- Yeah, you need a peeler.

Actually... Actually, I don't.

Where... I'm trying to remember where...

You know how sometimes
you have something in your kitchen,

you know where it is, and then all
of a sudden, you can't find it?

And that is what's
happened to me right now.

JANET: Well, you probably have so
much staff in and out of here that...

No, no, no. I know this kitchen
like the back of my hand.

- Oh, that's not it.
- Okay, I don't know where...

- (UTENSILS CLATTER)
- (GROANS)

This is maddening.

Do you ever have this happen to you
where you're trying to...

- I'm not here.
- SELINA: Okay, you're not here. I'm so sorry.

I'm talking to myself.
Where are you, peeler?

Okay, I got it.

It was in with the napkins inexplicably.

- Here you go. Use that for the carrots.
- Actually, I'm all done. I'm good.

Okay.

Tell me, don't you normally
have staff to cater for you?

Yeah, definitely.

Well, sure,
but I just love banging the pots around.

And I think you would
say that I'm a foodie.

So, just to flag with you,
Andrew's obviously off the table.

(LAUGHS) Well, technically,
he's very much at the table currently.

JANET: What's on the menu?

SELINA: Herb roasted chicken
and some arugula salad.

JANET: Catherine,
do you enjoy your folks' cooking?

Yeah, I love the way
that they cook the vegetables.

Mmm.

The vegetables are always my favorite.

I just love vegetables so much.

- Are you working for the vegetable lobby?
- (ALL LAUGH)

I'll be right back.
I just have to grab something.

Okay, darling.

SELINA: Please, can you use the peeler?

- ANDREW: I'm all done with the carrots.
- Oh, my God.

- SELINA: No, you're not.
- That's all the carrots we're gonna use.

I realize there are more carrots.

We don't need any more.

(STAMMERING) The Get Moving campaign,

- which as you know I spearheaded.
- Yes.

Um, as I launched that campaign,
I discovered a local organic butcher.

- Hmm.
- And...

Um, he does a lot of, um, grass-fed...

- Grass-fed cattle and free-range chickens.
- Yeah. Yeah.

JAN ET: What's your favorite meal
that you can't wait to have?

CATHERINE: I really...

I love the roasted Brussels sprouts
that my mom and dad make.

Yep.

Okay, well, they're taking a break,

so this gives us a chance to come in here,
have a little chat.

You never told me that
you were a vegetarian.

- I told you three months ago.
- No, you didn't, Catherine.

What?

Uh, now that she mentions it,
I think it does sound familiar.

Completely useless. You know what?

Just because he's a liability doesn't
mean you have to be a liability, too.

Now I'm gonna tell you something.
You're eating that chicken.

I am not gonna do it.
I'm a vegetarian, Mom.

You swallowed chicken your entire life.
(SOFTLY) You're gonna do it again today.

I swallowed your bullshit my entire life.

Okay, look, little lady,
we don't talk to your mother like that.

All right, I'm just... God damn it.

SELINA: Could you...
AMY: Yes, yes, yes.

You know when you're 12
and you just get rid of it?

Mmm, no. Speak for yourself.

It's gonna look really bad for your morn if she
doesn't know that you're a vegetarian on TV.

I'm not gonna sacrifice my morals
for her career anymore.

I've done that. It's not that bad.

Well, doesn't that chicken
look just amazing, Catherine?

- It looks delicious.
- Yeah.

I love it when Dad cooks.

- JANET: A man of hidden talents.
- I don't like to brag.

JANET: Not about cooking, anyway.

- Okay, babe, here you go. Eat that up.
- Wow.

I just need to reiterate with you.
We have agreed on all of these topics.

- Mmm-hmm.
- And the Andrew e-mail story was not agreed.

Sweetheart, it's news. Okay?

It happened today. it's new with an S
on it. That's just what news is, so...

With all due respect, this is not news.

This is The fucking Food Channel
you got here.

Okay, well, with all due respect, fuck you.

I own the edit on your shit-show politician
that you connected yourself to,

not me, you little gremlin.

JANET: And has it been
a happy divorce for you, Catherine?

Mmm, yeah.

I think knowing that my mom
had to be available 24 hours a day

really taught me
not to be too demanding as a child.

SELINA: Well, that's true.

JANET: So you don't feel parentally
shortchanged, then, do you, Catherine?

No, um...

I'm actually a big music fan, so I usually
try to explain my parents in terms of music.

You know, musicians sometimes are better
in bands, or sometimes better solo.

JANET: That's interesting.

They're like the Beatles, you know, better
as a band, or Michael Jackson, better solo.

- Although not a great parent, admittedly.
- (CHUCKLES)

Well, actually, he did
okay with his own kids.

It's when other kids got involved
that it got real dicey.

But, no, then he did
dangle that one from a great height.

- Right? Over that railing?
- (CLEARS THROAT)

You know, you cross me on this,

and you're never, ever
gonna get the Veep on camera again.

Why the fuck... Mmm.
Why are you still talking to me, huh?

If you'd just let someone get close enough
to fuck some sunshine into you,

you'd shut your mouth!

- You... You...
- Okay, okay.

You do not know anything about me.
You think that this is easy, what I do?

Yeah, having 10,000 interests
screaming in your fucking face

the way that I am screaming
in your face right now all day, every day?

- I am fucking good at this.
- Can we just put a filter...

- Are you? This is good?
- Fuck your face, Gary.

- She's good at this, you guys. Sorry.
- Fuck my face. You hear that?

Antique windows. Bring it down.

- What the fuck just happened?
- Antique windows. Bring it down.

Amy, let's go find your dignity over here,
okay?

Get her out of here. Fucking amateur.

- All right. All right.
- Hey, no, no, no.

- No, seriously...
- No. Okay. Whoa.

Okay, listen, you need to calm down.

At least I am giving a shit.
You are flatlining all day.

Okay, okay.
But has she been impressive at all today?

Look, I've graphed her performance, okay?

Look at this. Look at this nice little graphic.
Here's time. Here's her fucking career.

(WHISTLES)

Now maybe there should be a little uptick

because she didn't barf
her food all over the table, I don't know.

So if she doesn't
turn this fucking shit-show around,

guess what,
I don't know which way I'm gonna bounce.

Amy, when my memaw
used to find herself getting snappy,

she would sing her favorite song.

I wish I were in the land of cotton
Old times there were not forgotten

(AMY SIGHS)

Look away! Look away!

No, guys, please.

Favorite family vacation?

- White water rafting.
- Italy.

Mmm, Disneyland.

Which is it?

No, honey, we didn't ever go to Disneyland.

Oh, no, you didn't take me.
Rosa took me with her family.

- Who's Rosa?
- Um...

- She was a...
- She was...

- Housekeeper.
- Housekeeper, that's right.

You spent a lot of time
with your housekeeper?

Yeah, she was like a...

We did go to India.

- Mmm.
- Lndia was awful.

I don't know why
you didn't give me this earlier.

Oh, I didn't want to give it to you
before your interview.

- God, you don't want any water?
- No, I've gotten good at it.

Look at this. I was supposed
to be stressing my successes.

Instead I'm sitting there
stuffing my face with chicken.

Great stuff in there, guys.
Good stuff. Thumbs up.

Andrew looks great on camera.

- Get off my stairs, Jonah.
- Oh, yes, ma'am.

- Ma'am.
- What?

I need to give you
some straight talk right now, okay?

All of your worst fears about
how this day could have possibly gone...

- Yeah?
- Have come true.

- Oh, my gosh.
- No, no, up here. Look at me.

- You want to own this interview?
- Yeah.

- Say it.
- I want to own it.

All right. Here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna do something big.
You're gonna do something bold.

And you're gonna do it
in the next five minutes.

How about this?

How about I lift up my dress,
give everyone a big fat shot of my cooch?

- Jesus Christ.
- Everything okay up there?

- All right. You need more pep talk?
- No, let's do it.

- Did he just hear that?
- Nope.

- Use the Force, ma'am.
- I don't even know what that means.

Big and bold. What do you mean?
Like, a medley from Okla-fucking-homa?

Look, I tried to wake her up, okay?

I have no choice
but to be the fucking curveball.

- (CLEARS THROAT)
- Fantastic. Okay.

CODY: Let's roll cameras. Sound.

So, what a lovely afternoon I have gotten
to spend with the Second Family.

How about that? Yeah.

And, Catherine, would you vote for your
parents to get back together again?

No, no, no. This way,

I get a Christmas and a birthday present
off of each of them.

(ALL CHUCKLE)

Catherine, how does all this affect
how you approach relationships?

Not terribly much.
I'm in a very different phase of my life.

You know, my boyfriend and I are very young
and not really talking about marriage.

And this would be Rahim?

Yes.

JANET: That is an interesting name.
Is that Indian?

- It's Iranian.
- JAN ET: Iranian?

It's second generation American Persian.

Calling Tel Aviv now.

- And has he been welcomed into your home?
- No.

Only because it's just...

It's a casual thing, and
it's actually ended.

- Really? I'm sorry to hear that, honey.
- CATHERINE: That's okay.

Speaking of relationships,
Andrew, I'm sorry,

I simply have to ask you about
your relationship with lobbyist Jim Melita

and the implication that you offered
access to the Vice President.

Yeah, um, it's, um...

In aword...

Come on. Uh...

Perhaps, it's possible
that I have overplayed my hand.

Well, I think it's safe to say that Andrew
overreached and just said something silly.

Yeah.

I suppose that the Vice President
would also agree that

when she said she was in the loop
over national security,

that also may have been
a bit of an exaggeration.

I'm actually not sure
that those two situations are comparable.

I believe that they are.

And insomuch as you refuse to comment on the
spy allegations or the hostage situation

until the investigation is complete,

I, too, would like to refrain

until I find outjust exactly what it is
I'm accused of having said or not said.

You do understand that sounds like

you're playing for time
and actually are hiding something?

I'm sorry,
was that a question for me or Selina?

I think that question is for me.

I want to talk about the spy.

The CIA operative.

- No, no.
- Yeah, yeah.

There was a miscommunication

for which I want to apologize
on behalf of the administration.

You know, the intention was never to mislead
the American people, but that was its effect.

- Shit.
- SELINA: And for that, I really am truly sorry.

But I am saying that
I had full knowledge of the spy's status.

- But she didn't.
- I know.

Madam Vice President,

- this is quite an admission.
- Mmm-hmm.

I have taken on a role now,
an important role in national security,

and I take great pride
in that responsibility.

Now, sometimes you have to act.

Always you have to listen.

Because in politics,

a backbone and a heart

are only as good as your ears.

And my ears are my livelihood.

CODY: Okay, that's our segment, guys.

- (APPLAUSE)
- That's it. Great. Good. Okay.

That's good.

Madam Vice President,
that was an amazing interview.

Well, thank you very much.

You're gonna take the spotlight back from the
end of the shutdown, I'll tell you that.

- We'll see.
- Best of luck, Andrew.

- Good to meet you.
- Good luck with all the, mmm...

ANDREW: Way to go, Team Meyer.

(LAUGH) How about it? Right?
Congratulations.

Honestly, that was...
That was something else, Mom.

I'm really sorry that I brought up Rahim.
I know you didn't want me to do that.

SELINA: You know what?
I'm sorry you had to dump him on the air.

Notes about the interview.

Just want to help you
keep an eye out for those.

- Get out of here.
- How are you doing?

I spewed out so much bullshit,
I'm gonna need a mint.

A fucking mint.

- Do you want a mint? I'll get you a mint.
- No, I don't mean it.

I'm just gonna head back.
If anybody needs me... West Wing.

- No one does, Jonah.
- No one needs you, Jonah.

- S E Ll NA: Amy.
- Yes, ma'am?

(DOOR CLOSES)

- Did Andrew leave?
- He's gone.

Can you see if he's still out there?

- He just left a jacket.
- Oh, yourjacket is up here.

- His jacket.
- I'll wait here?

- Ma'am, do you need...
- SELINA: No, it's fine.

I know where his stuff is.

Are they gonna...

It's like a victory fuck?

He better come down.

Is he coming back down?
Do we need to wait for him?

SELINA: We got it.
ANDREW: We're good.

Okay.

CATHERINE: Where are my parents?

Um...

Did my dad leave?

- They're having... They're having a talk.
- They're having a talk upstairs.

A talk upstairs?

- They might be getting you something.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.