Veep (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Tears - full transcript

Season One Finale. Selina travels to Ohio to support a gubernatorial candidate who no longer wants her endorsement; the Clean Jobs bill comes back to haunt Dan; Mike and Amy open the floodgates after they play up Selina's tears.

Sync by flapinha
Corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com

( Theme music playing )

- Am I all packed, Gary?
- Yeah, we're all covered.

The thing about Ohio is the weather
is completely schizophrenic.

- I know.
- We dress you wrong,

you're either freezing like a popsicle
or you're sweating like a hog.

- Or a ballerina or modern dancer.
- Okay, it's fine.

Is there an indoor pool at this place?
I packed my swimsuit.

Why are you asking me that?
And have we heard from the president

on the economic forum?

Uh, yeah. Last I heard,
he was three over par.



- Huh?
- Oh, forum's not happening.

Potus took a golf day.

Do you know who
he's playing golf with?

- No, who?
- No, no, no, who?

Oh, you don't know
and you want me to find out.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay. Sorry.

- Dan. Dan Egan.
- Hey.

Good to see you again, buddy.
I miss your emails.

Long time no cc.

Still up here
in Cleveland, huh, will?

Just rutting around
with the regional swine?

Slaving away for Furlong?

Well, I am the senior
advisor now.

So I get free wi-fi.
I'll be going to D.C.. A lot more.



Oh, my God.
With that provincial sensibility

and that girlish figure,
you're not gonna last.

Listen, Dan, the congressman expects
your boss to endorse him for governor.

Yeah, we're aware of that.

It's gotten a bit
complex, all right?

So the congressman would like
to speak with you in his room.

If you'd just join me, okay?

Ah, I recognize you. You're one of
Selina's little gay dwarves, aren't you?

What, are you sappy?
Is that it? Preppy?

Actually, my name is Dan Egan.

You might remember, actually, I used
to work for congresswoman Hayes.

Oh, my gosh, of course
I don't remember that.

Listen, I need your help, buddy.
I need you to go back and tell Selina

that I don't want her to
endorse me for governor, okay?

She's about as welcome here
as a turd in a hot tub.

Well, that could be
a bit of an issue.

We're having to bump our silver
plates up to gold plates,

gold plates are going up
to platinum plates.

I'd make more money
if I installed will here

as a full-time gloryhole
greeter at a Georgetown gay bar.

Which I'm pretty sure
he already does part-time.

- Right, will?
- Yes, sir.

Congressman, she's on her
way here right now.

So what? There's plenty
to do here in Cleveland.

Send her to the rock and roll
hall of fame.

First time I took this kid,

one look at Kurt Cobain's shoes, he
was bawling like a fucking baby.

"It's too soon!
It's too soon!"

Ma'am, Martin Collins, the secret
service guy we reassigned...

- Mm-hmm.
- He's back. He's been un-reassigned.

- Are you kidding me?
- Not great, admittedly.

"Not great, admittedly"? Yeah, that
should be the title of my fucking memoir.

He's not outside here, is he?
Oh, hi!

Oh, my!
Okay, great.

All right, that's all I want to say
to him for the rest of my life.

Hey, approval ratings
just came through.

- Oh.
- 66%.

- What?
- Approve.

- Oh!
- Sorry, disapprove.

- Oh.
- Dis...

You know what?
You go ride with the security detail.

There's no room
for you in this car.

She can thank the troops,

she can charm all
the mouth-breathers,

and then she can go back to D.C.
No big deal.

The one thing she will
not be doing

is standing up and endorsing me.
You got me?

I get the stamp of
approval from her,

and I might as well nail a
bunch of puppies to the ground

and then start running them over and
crush their skulls with my campaign bus.

All due respect,
we did have a...

informal understanding that she would
endorse your run for governor.

All right, well, all due
respect, cock nugget,

there's been a little
too much of this

informal understanding
going on around here.

- Isn't that right, will?
- Yes, sir.

Clean jobs was
your office, right?

And its role in
the Macauley amendment.

Getting senator Macauley
to sneak in the VP's

lame-ass legislation
against the president's will.

Macauley thing, yeah,
that didn't happen.

Will, tell him who I am.

Sir, you're the vice chair of the
congressional oversight committee.

And in that capacity,
I have a duty to shine a light

on any of this kind of backseat,
finger-fucking insider bullshit, Dan.

Thank you for your time,
congressman.

I will do what I can.

Don't endorse.

- She seems nice.
- ( Chuckles )

( Sirens blaring )

'Cause of that smiling
secret service guy, Amy,

66% disapprove.

That's everyone in America
who's awake right now.

Okay, let's not
concentrate on that today.

Let's concentrate on Ohio.

How could that many
Americans not like me?

I think they got it wrong. They counted
those numbers wrong or something.

Or all those Americans
are completely wrong.

Okay, this is the hotel manager.
We promised him four seconds.

Madam Vice President.
Welcome to our hotel.

We have to take the vice president away.
Apologies.

Why have I been given
this pig's blood?

It's tomato juice.
It's the Ohio state beverage.

- Oh, piss. Ma'am.
- Yeah?

They're having trouble
moving big donor tickets.

- What?
- Yeah.

- Why? Because of me?
- No.

Amy, you're gonna have to start
getting everyone to like me.

Ma'am. Hi.
Good news.

We are not exactly selling that
many platinum level tickets.

I just gave her that news.

Yeah, but it was so much more
depressing coming out of you.

Not to worry.
I have a strategy.

Okay, look, we smile the
smiles, we shake the hands,

but we do not endorse.
We give the press nothing to report.

No, that makes me
look even weaker.

- All right, ma'am, I...
- Hey.

I really think this
is something to consider.

( Phone rings )
Jonah.

Greetings from
the clubhouse of power, Amy.

You need to know that
the White House understands

just how toxic the veep
is after these latest numbers.

It's a tough time, we're aware.

Do you want to know
how toxic she is, Amy?

Imagine something small has
crawled up a dead cow's ass.

And then that small thing
actually dies itself.

If that dead thing then
farted out a sack of eggs,

but each individual egg

is a smaller,
rotting dead thing,

that's how toxic she is.

Okay, thanks for the input.

And I know you're under a lot
of pressure over there,

so if you ever need
a shoulder to cry on

or a bootie to call on,
you have my number...

Did you find out who the
president's playing golf with?

Golf. You know, men walking
around with sticks

- talking about their careers.
- Oh, mm.

I was gonna follow up on that, ma'am.
I didn't forget.

I did not forget.

Ma'am, it's
congressman Furlong.

- Well, you can tell him to go fuck him...
- He's right here, ma'am.

- Oh! Roger.
- Madam Vice President.

Thank you so much
for seeing me.

Well, thank you
for dropping by.

Excuse me while I get
myself pulled together.

Of course. I like this room.
This is great.

Yeah, it's
the presidential suite.

- Vice presidential, anyway.
- ( Laughs )

Listen, I've seen
the disapproval numbers.

So I appreciate the delicate
situation here.

Uh, just part of the job.

No, it's not.
This is Will.

Will, what were they saying
about the disapproval?

Apologies, ma'am.
"Effed in the b-hole" across all networks.

Ma'am, that is a lingering image
to try to overcome, I'll tell you.

What's this about, congressman?

Well, I was hoping maybe,
ma'am, we could have a moment.

- Yes. Have a seat.
- Thank you.

Ma'am, I don't want you to endorse
my run for governor at this time.

Um, well, Roger,

- that is difficult...
- Mm-hmm.

For me because I'm here.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's great.
Can I get some water?

Um, it's being put to me...

- Gary, can I get some water?
- Yeah.

It's being put to me
that... and I apologize...

but politically speaking,
you are damaged goods.

I'm hearing that
your credibility is...

- Where is it located, will?
- The toilet.

Mm-hmm.
Again, not my words.

- So...
- The toilet?

- I don't want this.
- Okay.

- More accurately, the crapper.
- Who are you?

- Who is this fucking infant?
- No one.

Let me be very clear with you
about something, okay, Roger?

I don't even like you.

- Right.
- Right?

And now I'm, you know, been told
to come here and endorse you.

So do you understand
how embarrassing

this would be for me
now not to endorse you?

Yes, of course.
I get it, yeah.

And listen, in the spirit
of reciprocity, ma'am,

I don't really care for
you much either personally.

You can't stop me
from endorsing you.

Then I will reject
the endorsement publically.

Madam Vice President,
do you need five minutes?

No, I don't need five minutes.

I'm absolutely fucking fine.

Thank you very much.

You know, Roger, do you
sometimes think about,

I don't know, I give you
this and you give me that

and black is up,
but brown is down now?

- Do you know what I mean?
- Mm-hmm.

I mean, in life
or even just with love,

you know, I mean,
at the end of the day,

you know, aren't we just all
finally just, you know, people?

- True words, ma'am.
- Yeah.

I mean, you know, I haven't...

I haven't seen my...
my daughter

in, like, three months.

And Ted is just,
you know, whaa!

I don't know where
he went, you know?

You know, and I would...

I would love to go
to that party, you know?

I would like to be everywhere.

( Blows )

Look, Madam Vice President,
I'm sorry.

This doesn't give me
any pleasure.

Don't you say
it gives you no pleasure.

When anybody ever says that,

all they mean is that it does
give them so much pleasure.

- Look...
- I know what that means.

Maybe you should make
an address, okay?

Talk about politics
and America working together.

I know how to give
a motherfucking speech.

Don't you patronize me
with your no jaw.

You congressman no jaw.

Okay, ma'am.
We should... we have to go.

- Get the fuck out.
- Okay. Okay.

He was just not a nice man.

I'll get you some tea, okay?

I'll just leave Mike.
He can stay here with you.

- I'm sorry about your tears.
- Yeah.

They suck.

You know, my papaw used to say,

"it's always darkest
before the storm." So...

Oh, the dawn, the dawn.

"It's always darkest before the
dawn." And then he would kiss me.

All right, this might sound
crazy, but go with it.

Her crying was very authentic

and humanizing.

Okay.

I like your thinking.

I actually found it
slightly erotic, too.

I take it back.

That's why it took me so long
to split up with Angie.

She'd always cry,
I'd always get a hard-on.

- Now you've lost me.
- Listen.

We should spitball
on this, though.

( Clears throat )

The crying game play,
all right?

All we've got to do is set her
up and let the cameras roll.

Then we've just got to tweak
the tear nipple.

How do we make it happen?

Could spray her
with pepper spray.

Call her fat.
Kidding.

What is it that made her cry?

It's Catherine, right?

The absent mother blubber.

- Genius.
- Yeah.

Chinese daughter torture.
It's a good one.

I can't believe
we're doing this.

On the other hand, we are currently
polling lower than a side of beef

with eyes drawn on it, so...

- Okay, ma'am, light and frothy.
- Yeah.

Cappuccino politics, okay?
Big three industries in Ohio...

- Rubber, petrochemical, agriculture.
- Right. Okay.

- Hit rubber. It's a big rubber state.
- Okay. Good. Yeah.

What is that, a fax?
Is that a message to yourself from 1988?

Look who's playing golf
with the president.

( Gasps ) Danny Chung.

- Chung.
- Shut up.

- What is that?
- Don't worry about it.

Felicia, one second. Feel free to
dive right in on the daughter, okay?

'Cause we want to hit these
disapproval ratings head on.

See, when he says things like
that to me, it makes me anxious.

We just found out that governor
Chung is golfing with potus.

- So, if you want to talk about that...
- All right.

Thank you so much.

It is just great to be back
in the state of Ohio.

Been a rough couple of
months for you, though.

Your filibuster reform stalled.

Clean jobs initiative,
dead in the water.

You talk a lot about really wanting
to be able to make change.

Do you still think you're gonna
be able to make that happen?

Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, I'm very proud

of what we've been
able to achieve thus far.

So you feel
you're back in the game?

Well, it's not a game to me.

Must be very hurtful to you, too,
with all the gossip going around.

Is she gonna go?
I just understand today

that the president is golfing
with governor Chung.

Does that bother you?

Well, I mean, the president

can play golf
with whoever he likes.

But I'm here
because I have work to do.

It's 24/7.
It's a public duty.

24/7 doesn't leave you
much time for your family,

your daughter.

Well, I mean, it's a punishing
schedule, that's for sure.

I mean, you get...
you get tired

and you get knocked...
knocked back.

But...

Can you imagine, Felicia,

if I'm tired,

imagine how tired the rubber
makers are here in Ohio.

She is magnificent.

Making rubber day in
and day out.

I feel that Ohio is
the rubber ball state,

if you think about it.

Always bouncing back.

I don't know what the hell
she could have been thinking.

When was the last time
you cried twice in one day?

It was a little more
recently than you'd think.

Oddjob.
( Whistles )

Come here.
What the fuck gives with your boss?

I saw the meltdown.

Congressman, I saw passion.
I saw conviction.

I saw a fucking crazy lady.
That's what I saw.

If she mentions my name,
if I get the stamp of approval,

the midas touch from Jenny
shitfinger, I'm coming for you, pal.

Me and the congress of the
United States will get your ass.

Yes, sir.

Ask your buddy Macauley about it.
Maybe he can help you.

The vice president.

Hello! Yes.
I see you.

Oh, wow, look at this group.

Are they gonna live long enough
to make it to election day,

right behind me?
Probably not.

Hello, children
who do not vote.

We're getting great media
response to the interview.

- Are you getting this, too?
- No, better.

I've been polling the room.
It's warm, it's friendly.

If this plays in Ohio,
it's gonna go national.

Come on, Amy.

- Marcus.
- What?

I made you a cake
with your face on it.

Are you kidding me?
Oh!

That looks like me after
a long day in the Senate.

- ( Laughter )
- I think she's only paid 50 bucks.

I have to go.

- Madam Vice President.
- Yes?

I'd like to introduce you to one
of our actual platinum donors.

I have some great ideas about tax
reform I want to talk to you about.

- I want to hear them.
- Well, there's two types of people.

- Uh-huh.
- Okay? You got grabbers.

And then you have
the other kind.

I don't have a name for that.
The ones who don't grab.

- Oh.
- The grabbers, right,

- they take the world by the scrotum, okay?
- Oh.

- And they make it happen.
- This is just riveting stuff.

- Oh, I'm so sorry. So sorry.
- Yes?

I don't know what to say, so
I'm just whispering instead.

Oh, I have the...

- Middle east.
- You can talk later.

- We have all night.
- I appreciate that. Hello. Uh-huh.

I just want to eat
in a quiet corner

away from these bozos, okay?

And that's the essence
of a grabber.

- Okay?
- Mm-hmm.

You'd think with all the money
I'm jerking up the wall here,

I'd get more than
a stuffed chicken breast.

Right, well, you know,
I've got to tell you,

these caterers, they've got...

I gave 30,000 bucks,
I get a chicken breast.

That guy didn't give 500 bucks,
he's got a chicken breast.

- What do I get, stuffing?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay.
- Throw me a drumstick or something.

- Larry.
- Hey.

- It's good to see you.
- Why, you need a lawyer? ( Laughs )

All right, look.
Listen.

I may have gotten involved
in a little something.

What happens if I get called in
before a congressional committee?

Okay, you need three
versions of your statement.

Uh-huh, like what I say happened, what
they say happened, and the truth?

Right?

A written, an oral,
and a shorter oral

- in case of a time limit.
- Right.

Yeah, you want to tell a congressional
committee the truth, Dan.

Anything out of line, you're
looking at a perjury charge.

Fuck!

Don't call attention to yourself,
all right?

Just lay low,
keep your head down.

All right, now let's say
this does actually happen

and I get called in,
what's it like up there?

You know those dreams where your
football coach is screaming at you,

you look down, you're dressed like Shirley
Temple and then all your teeth fall out?

That's like a Disney version
of a congressional committee.

You're gonna get hometown,
downtown questions.

You'll catch partisan shit.
There's gonna be grandstanding.

And if they smell blood,
if they think you're going down

and there's gonna be a kill,

you might get what
we call corpse fucking.

Jesus.
Corpse fucking?

That's what it's called where
they take your mortal remains

and have as much fun
with it as they can.

'Cause everybody wants to be the guy
getting the TV sound bite, okay?

And they're gonna be
talking about you.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

( Applause )

Thank you so much.

Thank you so, so, very, very much.
Good evening, everyone.

What are you doing?

Sir, this crying
is tracking pretty well.

What?

- Oh, shit.
- Yeah, it's good.

Okay, that changes everything.

She's someone I know
you know very well.

- Hey, come here.
- Relax, okay?

I spoke to her.
You spoke to her.

She's not gonna
fucking endorse.

No, no, no.
We want her to endorse now.

Okay? She's gone from
toxic to turn-on.

So just... when we give you the nod,
give her the signal, all right?

You guys are burning a fucking
hole through my stomach.

I just spent all afternoon
fixing this for you.

- Now you want me to unfix it?
- Is this your first day in the game?

I think he's wrapping up, so...

- Okay.
- How you feeling?

Well, I'm a political leper,
and I'm an emotional time bomb.

So here's an idea...
let's put me onstage.

- Selina Meyer.
- ( Cheering )

Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you so much.

So wonderful.
Thank you.

Please be seated. Thank you so much.
It is my very...

Come on, what are you waiting for?
Give her the signal.

What the fuck is the signal?

There's no international
signal to endorse.

Use your fucking head.
Give her a thumbs up or something.

Oh, my goodness.
Well, this has been

quite the day, hasn't it?

- We love you!
- ( Crowd cheering )

Thank you very much.

She can't cry
three times in a day.

That's three strikes
and you're out.

How big are her tear ducts?

It's like
they're fucking tidal.

Such a happy occasion, and...

( clears throat )

Jesus Christ.
Fuck it, don't endorse.

I'm so glad to be here in
the 17th state of the union.

My grandfather, he was from
Cincinnati, as a matter of fact.

- ( Applause )
- Oh.

We used to have
a saying in our family.

We used to say we're
awfully embarrassed

- by our buckteeth.
- ( Laughter )

But we were mighty proud
of our buckeyes.

( Cheering )

Okay, endorse.
Endorse. Endorse.

- You're sure?
- Endorse. Yes.

I, um...

I still miss my grandpa.

What is that, Popeye?

- No, be strong.
- He was the best.

He was...
he was such a strong man

from a great state.

And so that's why
I've come here today.

I've come here today

to give my 100% support

to congressman Roger Furlong

to be the next, the best,

governor of Ohio.

- ( Cheering )
- That's right.

That's you.
Come on up here.

What the hell just happened?

So great to be part
of your feel-good moment.

You're a dirty little prick.

( Both laughing )

Oh, boy.
Thank you so much.

- Absolutely.
- Oh, boy.

Don't forget your booster seat.

Oh, shove it up your ass.

- Thanks so much.
- Okay.

Hey, that photographer
who reads lips,

- he's not here, is he?
- Mm-mmm.

No.
That's a blessing.

Did you see
the "Chicago Tribune"?

Oh, this is so great.
I've never enjoyed reading this much.

You know, my mom said that Selina
looked human and vulnerable.

- Great.
- Not a compliment.

She sees human vulnerability
as a weakness.

- I like your mom.
- Don't talk about my mother, Dan.

- Good morning!
- Did you see the "Chicago Tribune"?

I've seen it, I've read it,
I've eaten it,

I've showered in it.
I'm back, my babies.

Yeah, you are.
Like rubber Jesus.

And, Dan, get over here
and shake my hand.

- What a great job you did.
- My pleasure.

Seriously, getting me
to endorse Furlong.

How about that
round of applause?

Come on, guys.
Give it up for him.

Absolutely great.

You know none of these
people generally like you.

So fucking what?

Hey, everyone.
Oh, hey!

Hey, it's about time.
Thank you.

Hey, Mike.

Potus is so excited about
this new narrative.

I engineered Selina
crying on camera.

I'm the puppet master.
I'm Pinocchio.

Pinocchio wasn't the puppet master, Mike.
He was the puppet.

- Uh, yeah, he was.
- Five-year-olds get that.

Jonah, do you come bearing news
from the gentleman's club?

I come bearing a message
of support from the president.

- Oh.
- As you know, he called.

Sue, did the president call?

- No.
- Huh.

Well, it wasn't an actual call.

- I am here in lieu of that call.
- Uh-huh.

- But he and we are...
- I have a very big announcement to make.

I'd like everyone to follow
me into my office, please.

This-a-way.
Okay, so I am about to announce

a certain realignment.

Oh, Mike.
I am sorry for your loss.

Dan, you're getting
a promotion.

Wow.
Yeah!

- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.

I just signed for an auto lease.
If I could get six months...

I want you to be in charge of
day-to-day rebuttal for me, all right?

You'll be the new director
of policy and presentation.

Thank you, ma'am.
This is all I've ever wanted.

This is all I've never wanted.

Is he...
is Dan my boss now?

Can I just say that this
is really exciting to watch?

I guess I've got some
business to attend to.

- What business?
- That's a need-to-know basis, Mike,

and you don't
have the clearance.

Funny.
Is that true?

This is sad.
You're like an old panda

that's gonna get
put down at the zoo.

- They bring kids in to watch that.
- Fuck off.

I'm assuming I'm safe.

Amy, you pretended to have
a miscarriage for me.

You remain crucial
to my policy team.

All right, boys and girls,
I got a promotion.

So first order of business
is to issue a press release,

which I already have written.

Colette, if you would
do the honors.

In the me file under phase one.

Okay, and you and you,

I need you to move this desk.

Let's go.
Don't give me that sad orphan face.

Take your little snack pack and your
water bottle and get the fuck out.

- Hey, Dan.
- Yes?

Congrats on the big promotion.
You and I should grab another drink.

You know what? Run it by my secretary.
His name is Mike.

No, no, no, you've got
to move that back.

I'm not gonna have you
eyeballing me all day.

- That's not gonna go there.
- Relax, cow eyes.

I'm not gonna be sitting
here looking at your...

cow eyes the whole time.
Guys, seat goes right here.

- Shit, shit.
- What? What? What?

Twitter eruption.
Veep's trending.

- Amy, what's going on?
- Um, you're trending, ma'am.

I'm on Twitter, but it wants
me to create a new account.

- I don't know how to do that.
- Well, then do that.

Amy, what the fuck?
What is it, Amy?

This is the reporter
from Ohio, Felicia.

Wait, wait.
No, I got it.

"Got played by team veep.

They wanted me
to make her cry."

Hashtag FakeVeepWeep.
What the fuck?

What? Who wanted
to make me cry?

Mike engineered
your crying, ma'am.

He said that he was
your puppet master.

Actually, he said he was
your Pinocchio,

but I think he meant Geppetto, who
was actually the puppet master.

Mike got you to cry on camera.

- What the fuck, Mike?
- What the fuck, Mike?

Amy, get into my office.
Mike, especially you.

Go into my office.
Okay.

Holy Christ.
Look at the size of this one.

Buddy, I think you're
as big as my gay dwarf.

I need to see
the vice president now.

Sorry, I don't work here.
I do work in the West...

Well, then get the hell out of
my way, you leaning tower of...

- Pisa.
- No.

- Shit?
- Good.

- Move it.
- Yes, sir.

Hey, sweet cakes.
I need to get in to see the veep.

Congressman, if you call me that again,
you'll need to see a paramedic.

- Take care of that.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Big bully, what are you doing?
- You think I'm a crybaby?

Sorry to barge in,
Madam Vice President.

Yeah, Larry, listen.
Furlong is in the office.

Don't talk to Furlong.
You need to keep a low profile.

I just issued a press release
announcing my promotion.

Bye, Dan.

Frankly, ma'am, I'm angry.
Will, tell her why.

The press claims that
you intentionally cried

in order to divert attention
away from the fact

that we had to bus people
into the fundraiser.

And now I'm being implicated
in your disgusting little lies,

and, actually, I don't feel like being
dragged into the toilet with you, ma'am.

Number one, congressman,

I'm sick of taking
your shit, okay?

Number two, number one again.

The crying was manipulated, ma'am.
I was manipulated.

And this meeting
is now terminated

because this was never
a meeting to even begin with.

You're gonna need to leave
'cause I'm not really aware

of where my actions
will take me, okay?

What are you gonna do?
You gonna choke me with some spanx?

- Do you want to try me?
- ( Laughs )

You got breath mints
in that bag? Let's go.

Oh, you got a nice big red dot in
the middle of your forehead, Danno.

- And it ain't a fucking bindi.
- Excuse me?

You'd better saddle up, cowgirl, 'cause
I'm gonna ride this whole office

into a congressional
investigative hearing

over the Macauley amendment
and the attendant corruption.

Just relax.

I think you might want to get yourself
a helmet, okay.

And a bulletproof vest
and an iron jockstrap.

'Cause you're gonna get your head shot,
your back stabbed, and your nuts danced on.

Have a good Monday.

Bye, Sue.

All right, you're gonna need to
stay in your former position.

Okay?
Keep a low profile.

In your face, Dan.
Mmm!

Um, ma'am, I may have already
issued a press release

- regarding my promotion.
- Really?

Well, can I unpromote you?
I don't think so.

Is he my boss again?

Only in title, all right?
You're still senior to him.

- In your fucking face.
- Stop it, okay? Please, Mike.

Hey, Dan, I'm gonna take
a rain check on that beer, okay?

Oh, my God in heaven.
So, let's see.

The guy that I have just
put in charge of rebutting

is now in charge
of rebutting questions

over the Macauley amendment,

which is the very thing he should
be nowhere near rebutting.

- Right?
- I did warn you about him, ma'am.

Okay, get out, Amy.
Get out of my office.

See, now...
now I want to cry.

But I can't cry.

- Can I get you a cup of tea? Okay.
- Yeah.

You know, I mean, this job
has fucked me up so bad.

Now I don't fucking know
if I can cry anymore.

( Sighs )

I wouldn't worry
about it, ma'am.

I mean, you've only got
four years of this, so...

Eight years, I guess,
if we got reelected,

obviously.

12 if you run for president.

16, two-term.

So think about that.

Egan, all right? Dan Egan.

That's Dan with a capital D

and Egan with an open
your fucking ears.

Yes, E as in ears.

Yeah, I'll hold.

When Dan goes home, I want
that desk back here, okay?

No, she's busy.
And tomorrow.

Well, that's tomorrow
in the plural.

All of them.

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