Utopia (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Life Begins - full transcript

Life begins.

Life begins.

I can't believe your grandpa
left you a whole house.

Well, I was the only grandkid.

Well, my grandpa
left me his shoes.

We're not married yet.

Okay. Well, then, you're
Mrs. Almost Ethan Lander.

A little elbow grease,
we'll be good as new.

Well, grease we got.

Fungus and mildew
and probably some killer mold.

What the hell is this?



Don't look, just dump.

"Utopia."

It's like a comic book
or something.

Crap.
What was your grandpa into?

Fucked up.

Fucked up. Ugh.

Really fucked up.

Ugh.

-Just throw it out.
-Wait, hang on, hang on.

"Utopia, the conclusion
to Dystopia."

So there's more of this shit
out there.

-What are you doing?
-This could be worth something.

Some guy last year found an
old Batman comic in his attic.

Sold it for, like,
a million bucks.



We sell this for
a fraction of that,

we can pay off
your student loans,

I start my podcast.

A little nest egg for a family.

Ethan.

Fanboys are gonna
go nuts over this.

It's happening.
It's happ--

It's happening!

Exactly. And like I said,
according to CDC,

tick-borne illnesses, such as
Lyme disease, have tripled...

Well, that's probably a question
for your doctor, but, uh...

Yes, aches are awful.

Aching is ruthless.

Yeah.

Way to go, Ian.

One more score
for the home team.

Let's go. Come on.

Once upon a time
there was a little girl

named Jessica Hyde.

Jessica Hyde had a daddy
who was a genius scientist.

Now, Jessica and her daddy
were held

by an evil villain
named Mr. Rabbit.

He made Daddy Hyde create
horrible viruses,

until one day a hero
named Artemis

broke out Jessica
and her daddy.

Mr. Rabbit sends his henchmen,
the Harvest, after them.

The Harvest kidnap Daddy,

so now Jessica Hyde
has to save him.

But that's just the mythology.

Dystopia appeared in 2014,
and if you're smart--

if you're really,
really smart--

you can study it and decipher

all the real-life epidemics
it predicted.

Yeah-- Ebola, MERS,

Heartland virus,
just to name a few.

See, that's why we need Utopia.

Because who knows what horrible
things are coming next?

I mean, why do we
keep feeling like

it's the end
of the fucking world?

Because someone is ending
the fucking world.

Y-You're not getting it.

Look, look. Microcephaly.

Mosquitoes. Hmm? Hmm?

Zika.

We're gonna find the next Zika!

-What?
-It kind of reminds me

of what you say about God.

If the ignorant want to believe,
they'll find a way.

Go pester
y-your parents, doubter.

Look at that...

Just-- Ah, ah, germs. Germs?

Seriously. Please,
just go to your room.

Coming through.

-Vaping's still smoking, Carla.
-Whatever.

Flight 592
clear direct to Muni.

Leave at your discretion.

Hey, so, uh,
Fringecon's tomorrow.

Can I borrow 30 bucks?

You borrow 30 bucks
for the train

so you can spend 200 bucks
on a comic.

Priorities.

Got to see what that
naughty bunny is up to.

Mr. Rabbit is just
a metaphor, Dad.

-Come on, I've told you this.
-I know.

You're too easy
to tease, Wilson.

Crackpots have to have
a sense of humor.

Take it from me.

Thanks. Thanks, Dad.

Don't forget to have
a good time.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, okay, okay.

Shit.

You couldn't go
to the climate rally

and call it your good deed?

Rallies don't work.

They make us feel better
about doing nothing.

Samantha Gloria Steinem
Jawalsky, that is not true.

We protest agriculture policy
after half of Africa starves.

We ration water
after we drain our aquifers.

We debate climate change
after the world is on fire.

I want to do something
ahead of time for once.

Besides, I think they'd be
kind of lost without me.

I know the feeling.

Aw.

My save-the-world girl.

The fires have destroyed
more than 40,000 acres

and counting, with just
ten percent contained amidst...

And it's estimated that
390 billion tons

of glacier ice
are melting each year,

a crisis that ultimately
threatens

every coastal city
in the world.

...is experiencing
a flu outbreak

that has so far killed
four children.

All victims were students
at a local...

Here's Jessica Hyde.

She's kind of cute.

Totally cute.

Whoa. Careful with
the merchandise.

Okay, who's got the vodka?

Finally.

"Wilson...

-Wilson"?
-Not a title.

Just my name.

Please sit.

Just...? Yeah.

Hey.

Hi.

You guys having a...
you having a rocking time?

I just came to party, too,
but I thought, you know,

I'd come in and just take
a look at this crap.

Uh, just-- just one page.

Uh, well-- Can...?

Sure.

This is the original manuscript.

And how did you guys
get ahold of it?

Through a collector.

Where'd the collector get it?

From the artist.

Really? Who's the artist?

-You know, we're on
a schedule, so...
-Oh.

Just write down, uh,
your contact info, your bid

and your room number
right next to your name.

You got, um,
you have a lot of interest?

It's like a pilgrimage for some.

You're late.

This car? I love her.

But she's trouble.

'74 MG, four-cylinder.

You're very late.

And sometimes, she glitches.

She'll get us there
in style, though.

I wanted to get there on time.

The only thing
slowing us down now

is you standing in the road,
not getting in the car.

Okay. You ready?

Yeah. Let's do it.

- Please come in.
- Oh. Watch your...

Please, come in.

Hey. How's it going?

Hi.

-Hi. Nice to meet you.
-Thank you.

Wow.

Uh-huh.

Have a seat.

-Come in. Sit down,
just, right there.
-Okay.

Actually, uh-- Please.

Where do I sign?

I got a couple websites,
a couple .orgs, a couple .nets,

-if you want to join the list.
-Yeah.
-Sure.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, watch your head.

Thank you.

Great. Thank you.

Bye, ladies.

Bye.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Wow.

Good old Artemis.

Uh, I was actually wondering
if there's anything

-involving, um, a molecule
or a virus...
-Oh...

Sorry, we can only
show you one.

Could you just tell me
if there's anything

to do with a molecule
or a disease?

Uh, we can get
your contact info,

and your room number
and your bid.

We'll be in touch.

Love your shirt, though.

"Stay Alive, Jessica Hyde."

Well, basically, I'm in love
with a girl I only know online.

-Yeah, aren't we all?
-Right, but, we're meeting

in 15 minutes,
so I'm kind of freaking out.

Is that what you're gonna wear?

Ian Ackerman?

Me.

Ta-da.

Is this the original?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

You guys are supporting
a female hero.

Huh.

Wow.

Here you go.

Thank you.

I think this is our guy...

All right, uh, sorry.

Uh, just, uh, contact,
room number and bid,

-next to your name.
-Okay. Okay.

Money, money, money, okay.

You guys aren't Harvest,
are you?

Hmm?

Um...

Okay.

-Becky?
-Not Becky.

Sorry.

Excuse me, sir?

Could I do a "Comic-Kaze"?

Open.

Uh, excuse me?

Becky.

-Ian.
-Yes.

- Hi.
- Hi.

-Wow. Hi.
-Hi.

-You look just like I pictured.
-Uh...

Average, or...?

No, no. Ian-y.

I get that a lot.

-Did you see it? Yes. Yes.
-Yes. Yeah. You saw it, right?

-You know, it just made me
want to see more. So...
-Oh, I know.

- Did you want a drink?
- Yes. I'm trying.

-Sir?
-Failing...

Um, can I just have a beer?

Yeah, you know what?
Could I actually trade

this in for a beer, too?

This is just way bluer
than I was expecting.

Uh, here.

Mmm.

Oh, that's good.

-Thank you.
-Two of those, please.

When in Rome.

Um...

Um-- Oh, those--
Yeah, those guys.

-You know, I don't think
that they know what they have.
-No.

-Mm-mm.
-Oh, but I actually was
able to get a, uh...

You know what? I actually think
panicking right now

is not gonna help, so...

Can we not talk Utopia?

Or not yet?

-Yeah.
-Thank you.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Pow, boom.

Hi.

What's your highest bid?

$5,000.

I can get you six.

Don't sell.

I play competitive Risk.
It's totally different.

-Competitive Risk?
-Yes, it's competitive, okay?

- How is that better?
- It is a board game

of strategic conquest.

-Oh, my God.
-Takes a lifetime to master.

I'll teach you one day,
but that's not it, either.

It's my job.

-You're not a writer.
-No, I...

Well, not a paid one.

No, I, uh, I do mostly
fanfic sort of stuff, so...

So, you're unemployed.

-No, I have a job...
-That's okay, I don't hold...

I've got a job, but it's,
uh, I sell gap insurance

to people who may or may not
develop Lyme disease.

I basically spend
all day on the phone

listening to people tell me
about their ailments, so...

Sometimes it feels like
everyone in the world is sick.

It's kind of depressing,
actually.

So, yeah...

So, yeah. Two cats, uh...

shitty job, lives with grandma.

So, uh, what about you?

It's only fair.
What's your secret?

You're gonna freak.

I think Risk is boring as hell.

Take it back.

It's not about what's
on the forums, you've been

on the forums too long.
It's about the sequence

-of events.
-The forums are where it's at.

Jessica Hyde does karate.

She's trained in jiujitsu.

Welcome.

Hello.

I'm Jimmy. I'm dressed
as Jessica Hyde, clearly.

Her dad was a genius scientist.

But Mr. Rabbit forced him
to make unspeakable diseases...

-Well, I...
-...or else Mr. Rabbit
would kill Jessica.

Yeah, so now they're on the run
being chased by the Harvest.

I'm Artemis.
Not supposed
to be purple.

- It's violet.
- Whatever.

Ebola.

MERS.

Zika.

Someone is taking diseases
and weaponizing them.

Loosing them upon us,

and you guys
are obsessing over stories?

Guys, Jessica Hyde isn't real.

But you know what is real?
The diseases hidden in Dystopia.

Oh, God, you're one
of those, huh?

"Signs and portents."

"It all has to mean something."

It does mean something.

What does this look like?

Anyone?

Uganda.

- I mean, sometimes
a leaf is just...
Uganda.

It is a perfect
Uganda-shaped leaf.

And, look. Eight on this branch,
one on this one.

Eight infected,
one dead in Uganda.

2014, the Marburg virus.

Are, like, real chicks

-into this stuff, too, now?
-I guess...

Okay. And, look,
these shapes in the water.

Up in the air.
What do these look like?

Yellow vesper bats.

The primary disease vector
in the Uganda outbreak.

- Exactly.
I've got to get
to the Antlerman panel.

-Oh, yeah.
-She's just a conspiracy whacko.

-Yeah.
-Look, this is all cute
and everything,

but we really wanted to get in
and talk about the mythology.

You want a conspiracy?

A few decades ago,

somehow, a group of you
fucking boy assholes

managed to trick the world
into believing that comic books

were serious fucking literature,
and now you all

get to sit around

and Joseph Campbell
the fucking day away

on your spoo-stained papasans,
stewing in the violence,

masturbating
over the meta-metaphors,

pretending that you're valid,
but you know what?

It doesn't make you smart
or deep to debate

what kind of martial arts
that Artemis performs.

Guys, this shit is about life.

Guys, this shit is about
doing something,

not talking about cartoons
doing something.

Exactly.

Oh, my God.

-Oh...
-I remember Antlerman.

Oh-- I have never been
a fan of the superhero crap.

-What?
-There's enough alpha males
in the world as it is.

But Utopia, see...
See, that's different.

And I really want us
to get that.

I think we could solve it.

Yeah, if there is
anything to solve.

Ian, you sound like a doubter.
What are you talking about?

- No. No, no, no.
- Hooks!

Of course there is
something to solve.

- I'm not a doubter, it's just...
- Wow.

I don't know, I get nervous
because after Sam,

you're, like,
the Dystopia expert, so...

Oh, no, that's not true.
There's Wilson.

-He's an encyclopedia.
-Yeah. Well, Wilson's just...

-Wilson.
-...on a whole other level.

It's ridicul-- I'm pretty sure
he's a computer.

Did he make you submit
the background check

-before he gave you his address?
-He-- Yes. Yes.

"Because it is a weird world and
you may be one of the weirdos."

I appreciated... the honesty.

Is it me?

It's you.

Antlerman, bitches!

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Oh, my God.

I'm-I'm drunk.

-Do you have a girlfriend?
-What? No.

No. I...

I've just been waiting to hear
what your story was.

For almost a year?

I would have waited two years.

I'm glad you didn't.

He's the one to go back to.

Anyone who pretends that hard
to be that uninterested

is super interested.

Well, what about
the "don't sell" girl?

Always bet on the nerd.

He'll go higher.

They're all nerds.

I'd like to preempt all bidding
and leave with this.

Now.

Cool.

Uh, just need your name,
contact and bid.

$20,000.

How's that?

Oh, that's got to be him.

-Should we go?
-Yeah.

Let's go say hi.

Becky, Ian.

-S-Samantha.
-Where have you guys been?

I mean, uh, hi.

-Hi.
-Hey.
-Hey. Come sit down.

-Uh, now that they're here...
-Yeah. Oh, my God.

Okay, so now that you guys
are here-- Sit down.

Um, wait, actually,
before we start,

let's just take a second and
think about how cool this is.

Okay, truth time? I told them
I could get them $6,000.

Can we do that?

You said to bid $500.

$500 is actually
m-more than I have.

-Yeah, I can't give more.
-$6,000 is, like, a car.

Fuck.

- We need to get Utopia.
- Mm-hmm.

I mean, what I s--

What I saw today, guys,
it's big.

Okay, so basically,
we're short $4,000.

We need Grant.

I-I'm here for Utopia.

Oh, um...

I'm sorry, sweetie. I sold it.

Uh... I just wanted
one look at it.

I came all the way
from Kansas City.

Hey, Olivia, do we have
any more champagne?

The guy's name
is Phillip Carson.

He's in the penthouse.

-Maybe he'll let you
have a look.
-What...

-Good luck.
-Oh, wait...

Just saw the cutest kid.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi. Are you an Umi fan?

I hope you have fun.

Hi.

Uh, I lost my keycard
and I can't find my dad.

Uh-oh.
What's your room number?

Uh, the penthouse?

What name
is the reservation under?

My dad's name is Phillip Carson.

We're supposed to ask for I.D.

Oh.

Um...

This is all I got.

-There you go.
-Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

What a large number
of silly people.

Disturbing.

I find it sort of... wonderful.

To Utopia!

Oh. To Utopia.

So what do you think
Grant's deal is?

Don't know. No background check,
not staying with me.

His photo shoot ran late.

What?

- Well, hold on, wait.
- You really believe

that he's a photographer
to the stars?

My bet, Grant's

a middle-aged
middle manager-type with a...

wife he doesn't really like

and a life that makes him
a little sad.

Guys,

-why would he lie, though?
-Uh, because people

are never happy
with who they really are.

That's not true.

Oh, okay. Uh...

-Sam.
-Mm-hmm?

Did you enjoy that Maroon 5
concert you went to last March?

I-- T-That was for a friend.

Ah, okay. Ian.

Nice fan fiction, dude.

Sensitive man's take
on the zombie apocalypse.

How did you even find that?
That was, like, five years ago.

You know, that's weird

that you even know that.

And Becky.

Uh, you...

You're as nice as you seem.

So far.

What about you?

-Wilson Wilson?
-Me? I love who I am. I'm rad.

"Rad."

Okay. To rad Wilson!

To rad Wilson.

I'll drink to that.

Okay, wait, now...

He looks cute.

Uh, hold on.

We're here for Utopia.

It's been sold. Sorry.

Who did you sell it to?

Some guy who made an appointment
during business hours

and had enough money to buy it.

- What are you doing?
- Hey.

Who did you sell it to?

Hey, guys? This is a...

This is a private party.

Uh... a guy. Just, a guy.

Who else has seen Utopia?

Whoa.

Who else?

They've all seen it.

This is a complete list?

Well, we-we can,
we-we can just get it back.

No worries.

All right.

So I'm going to be
giving you a shot.

All of you.
Put you out for a bit.

And we will take your money.

-So it's just a robbery?
-Mm-hmm.

You'll wake up with a hangover.

A little less than this
will give you.

Arms out. I'll be quick.

I can shoot you,
or I can knock you out.

I prefer nonviolence.

Arms out.

Come on.

Just a little pinch.

There.

-Please don't.
-Give me your arm.

Please.

I'm scared.

It's okay.

Do you really think
they'd swab our arms

if they were gonna hurt us?

It's okay.

Good girl.

Love you.

Let's set the scene.

Sweet.

Now we move to our main story.

A lethal and fast-moving flu
that has now shockingly killed

18 children at Daniel Lee
Elementary in Moody, Alabama

and infected children
at Grace Hawkins Elementary

in Collins, Mississippi.

The children began exhibiting
fatigue and high fevers

late Friday afternoon,

-and many were imm...
We believe
the future of food...

You're naughty.
Yeah?
You like bad boys?

What do you do again?

Hmm.

We'd like the Utopia manuscript.

Is this some cosplay shit?

What are you supposed to be?

Captain Asshat?

Ah, that's good.

That's good.

We'd like the Utopia manuscript.

Fuck no.

It's in the...
it's in the fucking bedroom.

It's in the fucking bedroom.

We lost him
when he made the doors.

1974 MG.

We'll contain what we can.

I'm sorry.

He touched that, right there.

And... here.

Call Home.

Hey. It's Rod.

I need mental health screens

- on the following names...
- No, no, no...

"Wilson Wilson,

"Bill Schiffman...

"Donald Resnick...

Come on, man.
No-- come on.

Hey, hey. Hey, man...

"Becky Todd.

Wade Rogers."

Uh, "Josh Chandelier."

No, I don't know,
just spell it like it sounds.

Hold on.

Josh Chandler?

Here I go by the name
StarWeaver...

- Donald Resnick?
- Yeah.

David Villareal?

-Alex Sherman?
-Yeah.

Al Arroyo?

Wade Rogers?

What?

Who is it?

Oh.

Room 412 has a history
of mental illness.

- Jimmy Raffetto?
- Yeah, that's me.

Hmm. Great view.

That didn't go too badly.

We're missing four who saw it.

We're missing the boy
who has it.

We need to erase
security footage

from floors two through five,
seven, nine and penthouse.

Samantha J., Ian Ackerman,

Becky Todd.

I want to know why Wilson Wilson
was so important to her.

And we'll need to go Home

and get some reliable
transportation.

Because now... I need my tools.

Should we grab some refreshment
before we press on?

I mean, of course it did,
it's done by the same artist.

She's not picking up.

But bidding
is closed now anyway,

so there's no point
in waiting around.

Oh. I can't drink any more beer.

Wilson, did we all pass
our background checks?

Can we please go drink
where it's cheap?

I mean, it's the least
you could do

after making us all look human.

- Yes. Yes.
- Mm-mm.

-Please. Please, can we
stay at your place?
-Please?

Rad Wilson!

Rad Wilson!

-Rad Wilson!
-Cool.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Yeah!

-To Wilson's house.
-So exciting.

Help.

Please h-help.

Where is Utopia?

They gave us shots.

Where is Utopia?

Poison.

Where is Utopia?

Why?

Because I'm Jessica Hyde.