Uri and Ella (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Ella - full transcript
URI AND ELLA
Who's that?
Maybe a delivery boy?
At 11:30 at night?
What'd they send us, a hooker?
Go on, see who it is.
-Who could it be?
-I don't know, just go!
Uri!
Who is it?
Coming.
-Uri!
-Hey!
-I missed you. What a house!
-Hi.
Dad?
Are you a millionaire or something?
Listen, I lie to people, I'm sneaky,
but deep inside, I'm...
- Hello.
- Hello.
Ella, get some water.
-Wow, what a house.
-Who's she?
-Nobody.
-You're nobody.
It's the flower girl from
that nice shop, remember?
Relax, folks, please.
Easy there. Take it easy.
I'm young, too.
Whoa...
Don't just stand there,
help me carry her!
Outside?
To the couch!
-Whoa.
-Give me a hand here...
Come on.
-Go ahead.
-Dad, lift a little.
I'm not allowed to lift things...
Let's drag her.
Do you mind lifting a body part
besides her head?
- Who is she?
- Why does everyone come to me?
-Let's pick her up.
-Who is she?
-What now? Mouth-to-mouth?
-Yeah, do mouth-to-mouth.
Go ahead.
-Let's pick her up.
-Don't shout at me.
-Don't shout at me.
-I'm not shouting.
One, two, three, and...
Kinneret... Kinneret!
Kinneret...
Are you and her...?
Just once,
I didn't even bother telling you.
-Should we call an ambulance?
-An ambulance?!
Then... let's lean her against the wall.
No, this is fine, with her legs up.
I'll get her some water.
ELLA
Kinneret.
-What?
-You have to drink something.
Here, drink it. Careful.
I wanted to tell you something.
-Not now.
-Want a bucket?
Hello, nice to meet you. Sorry.
Sorry, I won't come here anymore.
-Why didn't you call?
-Didn't my secretary tell you?
-Easy there. Sit up.
-Forget it.
-Just sit up.
-I'm going.
-Rest here a minute and then you can go.
-Let her go.
-She can't move.
-She's awake now.
She fell down,
you know what that can lead to?
-Bye.
-Hold on.
She had some water, she says she's okay.
"Woman faints in famous singer's house."
Yeah, I'll sue you.
-Stop it.
-Let's call her a taxi.
Let her rest.
-It'll take a few minutes.
-She can't go like this.
No taxis.
Want some toast?
Okay, toast it is. Wait a second, wait.
What will I make it with?
- Cream cheese?
- I don't know and I don't care!
Let's each say our favorite
color and animal.
Purple and nothing.
Shit, I bought you a dog.
A blue one.
You can call me a cab
if you don't mind.
Sure you don't want
to wait for your toast?
I don't think the toast likes me.
Kinneret...
Don't throw up in the taxi,
it's under my name.
She's sweet.
Who? Oh, her? Yeah.
- She's great. No...
- "Oh... Who? Oh..."
There's something sweet about her.
-Definitely.
-Right.
Sweet, young, gorgeous.
-Speak up. She's gorgeous.
-Okay.
-There's nothing much to say.
-Dish some dirt.
We spent a bizarre night together.
-Bizarre? In what way?
-She cried like a baby...
-Cried? About what?
-It's a boring story.
Suddenly...
Never mind. It's stupid.
Did you kiss?
-In a friendly way, nothing...
-On the lips?
Um...
-Stop it!
-What?
You ate all my gouda.
-So we'll order more.
-Then order more.
Don't fight, kids,
there's plenty for all.
- Oh!
- How are you, Uri?
Best scrambled egg in town.
You're a genius
Thank you.
I love it when you come here.
-Why the long face, honey?
-He ate all my gouda.
Hadari, bring me
the whole wheel of gouda.
She's a real pixie, better watch out.
Say, will your dad play at our wedding?
-I dunno. Ask him.
-The man's a genius, world-class...
It all comes out the other end.
Why do you have to be so nasty?
Big deal,
he's a judge on a cooking show.
Oh, yeah?
And what show did you judge on?
Gouda.
Hadari, honey, put down the knife.
Who slices for princesses around here?
Get me some tiramisu,
we'll make up for your blunder.
You know what tiramisu means?
"Pick me up."
So dainty and fragile that you can't
pick it up without it falling apart.
You have to be very, very delicate.
Honey, tell me when before I cut
the whole wheel and my fingers, too.
Although rumor has it
that Venetian whores
invented it to keep their spirits up,
you know, sex gives you an appetite.
Slow down, honey,
I don't want you choking here.
I'll leave you two alone...
Here, you see?
Give her something to drink.
You know those chefs who won't leave
their customers in peace?
- Right!
- I don't want to be one of them.
That's so true.
She's a real pixie, I told you so.
Call me if you need anything, okay?
Brass.
What do you think?
Excellent.
What are you doing?
What is that?
What is that?!
-Nothing, baby. Just a joke.
-Remember when we started going out
we said that if we felt like it wasn't
working, we'd talk about it?
No.
-What do you mean, no?
-I don't remember saying that.
-We did.
-Maybe you said it to someone else.
-We said it.
-No, we didn't.
So you claim that we didn't say that?
Besides...
we said we'd give it
a two-week trial, right?
-So?
-These are two important weeks.
-So?
-Let's give it a real go.
Fine.
But only two weeks.
Help me out here.
Think higher, higher...
You're flat by a half-step.
What's the problem?
Just a half-step.
-I'm trying.
-But you're not there.
What's the big deal?
It's just a half-step.
Here, you're almost there.
Let's take a break.
We just said two weeks.
I'm not asking to break up anymore.
Let's give it two weeks
and then take a break.
No. Let's take a break
and then give it two weeks.
-Let's just end it.
-Fine.
Two more weeks.
I don't know what to say, babe...
We totally agreed on this.
We so totally agreed on this.
Okay. Sorry.
- What a babe. Do we have a date?
- No.
-I bought you that.
-Of course.
-Want an Omega-3?
-Sure.
- Looking good, baby.
- Thanks, baby.
Psh...
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
-Bye.
-Bye.
♪ ...is over ♪
♪ And now you walk away from me
and there's no place to put my hand ♪
♪ Except to shade my eyes against
the sun that comes to warm the land ♪
♪ I watch you walk away somehow
I have to let you go now... ♪
Hey, Chef!
-Needs salt, buddy.
-Chef.
Then add more. What's up, gorgeous?
Wipe it before you send it out.
What did you forget?
-Are you gay or something?
-Why?
- Ready, Chef.
- What are you, stupid?
Why do you ask, babe?
Get to work, folks!
You troublemaker.
But I'm the middle of service.
-Fine.
-Come by at closing time.
-No problem.
-Okay?
No problem.
I'll come when you're done plating.
After you charge 1,000 shekels
for a pita in roll, eh, babe?
Babe...
Not a word to Daddy.
♪ ...It's over ♪
♪ And so I walk away
and turn my collar to the wind ♪
♪ I walk along in silence
trying not to think at all ♪
♪ I put my feet before me
Walk the silent street before me ♪
♪ It's over ♪
♪ If time were not a moving thing
and I could make it stay ♪
♪ This love we shared would always be
There'd be no coming day ♪
♪ No morning light above
to make me realize our love ♪
♪ Is over ♪
I'm here to see Tzuki.
Call Tzuki.
♪ It's over ♪
♪ It's over ♪
♪ It's over ♪
-Hi...
-Thanks, but I'm no model, I'm a chef.
Shoo! Shoo!
God...
Sorry.
Hi.
Sorry, we don't give away
leftovers.
Look who's here.
What are you doing there?
Nothing...
Come here.
My princess.
You're the prince.
-Excuse me.
-What?
The toast.
Not crispy enough.
- Want some?
- What? No, no.
Say, how...
-How's it going with Ella?
-Fine and dandy.
-Everything's okay?
-Yeah.
Uri, I know where you're going with this
and you can rest assured.
I'll never hurt Ella.
You'll end up breaking my heart,
you little scamp.
Why do you say that?
I'm not used to your type.
What type am I exactly?
You're totally not my type.
-I never go out with girls like you.
-Why not?
I usually go out with geniuses.
Not that you aren't smart,
you're brilliant,
but I'm talking about real geniuses,
you know, professors.
-Mm. That's another story.
-A totally different league.
You aren't my type looks-wise, either.
What do you mean?
I'm more into...
the Indian look, you know what I mean?
And it's a totally different vibe,
more relaxed,
more open, less uptight, less...
Okay, I get it, babe.
And it's exciting that you're taking me
out of my comfort zone.
I'm learning about myself and I love it.
Did you just screen your dad?
Coming up?
-I don't think so.
-I have an amazing house.
No, I have to get up and look for work.
-Come on, sleep with me.
-No.
-Is it because of what I said?
-Not at all.
I pissed you off, huh?
Don't be offended,
not every girl needs sex appeal.
You cracked me up
back at the restaurant, you nut.
You're hilarious.
Why quit while you're ahead?
After all your efforts?
You climbed on the trash cans
to peep at me in the kitchen...
Come on.
I don't have any coffee
for the morning.
-That's okay, I don't drink coffee.
-Water, either.
I'll drink from the toilet.
And my house is such a mess,
my son had a pajama party...
Then what do you want from me?
Forget it, I'm a lost case. Come on.
Watch out, I'll drive you nuts.
My divorce ruined me.
I used to be like you,
fresh, happy, fun.
Now all I want to do is cry.
Nothing makes me happy
except looking into my kids' eyes,
and even that's only half a smile,
all the rest is bullshit.
Don't you see all the bullshit?
I want a woman
who sees all the bullshit.
I see the bullshit, I see it's bullshit.
-But you know, if we're a couple...
-We aren't a couple.
Do me a favor,
don't fall in love with me.
Fuck, the maid didn't show up again.
Those kids are a couple of stooges,
they expect someone else
to clean up after them.
Like their mother, the princess.
She thinks she's a princess.
A spoiled little brat,
that's what she is.
Like her mother,
who didn't set her boundaries.
Now the kids are the same way.
Those two little thugs
are gonna kill me, two little stooges.
I'm sick of cleaning up after everyone.
Omriki's smell drives me crazy.
It kills me.
I hardly ever see them.
Every little thing Omriki does,
"Look, Baba, look, Baba."
What's to see?
You know those silly drawings.
But still I look
because I'm mad about him.
We took Avivi to the Western Wall
and you know
what he wrote on the note?
"I wish Mom and Dad
would get back together."
"I wish Mom and Dad
would get back together."
Want to come to me?
♪ Who who who, who who who
Who will come to me? ♪
♪ Who who who, who who who ♪
♪ who will come to me? ♪
I knew you were a real pixie.
I'm mad about that girl!
Hadari! Hadari!
-Hadari, Tzuki's calling you.
-Hadari!
Pour the pretty girl
some grapefruit juice.
-What?
-Grapefruit juice for the pretty girl.
Thanks.
No that glass,
the princesses' wine glass.
What were you thinking?
Voila!
You know, you snored last night.
You snore!
But they were cute little snores.
-Tzuki, honey, can I have some tahini?
-Sure.
Hadari!
Tahini for my princess, right away!
-Thank you.
-Hadari, I have...
My name is Hadar.
She snored at my place once or twice.
- Come here, Hadari!
- Come on, Hadari!
It's Hadar.
- Hi!
- Hi.
God, I hate high heels...
I need a band-aid.
-Poor Zohar.
-What?
Nothing.
We were at her place, poor thing.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi.
Whoa...
No, she's just so bummed out.
I'm telling you, Dad,
she's totally lost.
Why?
We had a four-five
hour conversation
about how mediocre she is...
She polished off
three packs of Oreos,
that comes to four in each...
There are four in each pack,
which makes...
twelve.
Why is she mediocre?
Because of that boyfriend of hers.
I mean...
Why her boyfriend?
It opened up Pandora's Box...
No, but I...
I told her she's amazing and all that
but between you and me,
she's mediocre.
Sure, yeah.
She's pissing on him now.
But I cheered her up, I said,
"Listen, Zohar, we're all in the gutter
but some of us look at the stars."
Right.
-The moron, she didn't know the quote.
-Uh-huh.
What a dork.
It's Oscar Wilde, Dad.
Do you know it?
TZUKI PAROLE
Look, here's a continuity mistake.
She has a watch,
she has a watch, she has a watch...
Oops, no watch.
-Polanski.
-You're pretty easygoing, aren't you?
Me?
I can see why you think so, but...
The truth is, I'm actually very...
very dark.
Where was Ella last night?
Let me just use my telekinesis...
At Zohar's.
-Is that so?
-Yeah. At Zohar's.
-Uri.
-Hi.
-What's up?
-Hey, Tzuki.
-What's up? Come in.
-Hi, Tzuki.
-What's the matter? Gimme a hug.
-It's alright.
What's the matter?
Do you realize
that's my daughter that you're...?
-She'll break my heart, Uri.
-I don't give a damn.
-What are you, a pig?
-Relax.
How dare you? What's with you?
Have a little decency.
I just think
of all the diseases you carry...
How would you feel
if I did that to you?
Do you want me to go out
with your daughter?
-I don't have a daughter.
-If you keep going out with her...
People in these situations
do crazy things,
not that I would, I won't,
but I really wish I would.
I'm telling you, I'm petulant.
I shouldn't have mentioned
your diseases, I'm sorry.
Really, your scrambled eggs
are fantastic.
But I can't handle this.
A father can't stand
seeing such a thing.
Understand me, Tzuki.
-I understand.
-You hit me where it...
Okay, I understand.
-Don't tell Ella we spoke, okay?
-Of course not. Don't worry.
Uri.
I...
What can I say? You're tearing me apart.
I could cry for an hour.
From one father to another,
I know I broke your heart,
and the mere thought
that I could hurt a fly,
and you know well
I have the soul of a bird,
tears me apart.
What are you trying to say?
I don't get it.
I'M COMING TO SEE YOU
Ew.
NOT A GOOD IDEA
I'M ALREADY ON MY WAY, BABE
Did she really eat three packs of Oreos?
Yeah, it was awful.
-I'm on my way to see her now.
-Tell her I said hi.
-Want some oatmeal?
-Sure, babe. Thanks.
-Do you like it sweet?
-Yeah.
This won't last for two weeks.
What?
What's the matter, babe?
Are you okay?
We have to break up.
For how many hours?
Stop it, I'm serious.
I don't want this anymore.
You know,
there's a beautiful
Buddhist expression...
that says the best way
to save a drowning person
is to jump in with them.
But I don't want to jump in with you.
-I'm not the one who's drowning.
-I'm drowning?
No, our relationship is drowning.
- I...
- Well...
♪ Formidable ... ♪
Wow.
If you'd sent me
a picture of you like this
instead of that stupid emoji
I'd leave work on the spot.
Are you here
to drive me crazy, princess?
- I missed you.
- Is that so?
Glad to hear it.
- What's up?
- I'm okay.
It's a busy day,
The restaurant is packed.
- Any plans for later?
- No, I'm busy.
-Really?
-Don't be offended.
-I'm not offended, babe.
-You're a unique kind of pixie. Really.
I mean it. Think about it,
the way karma works,
the world turns,
and if you don't duck in time,
you get whacked.
You know how it is,
everybody has his own journey.
What does that mean?
It means you're a pure soul.
Sometimes I think
the universe gave me you...
for one night.
so I should be grateful, not greedy.
What's your problem?
What's the matter?
-I'm not Indian enough for you?
-You're beautiful.
A rain dance, is that what turns you on?
Come on, babe,
it's hard enough as it is.
Are you mad at me, Tzuki?
Did I do something wrong?
Don't be silly.
Then cut the crap about journeys
and all that.
Babe...
No, I'm no professor,
but I'm not stupid.
Did you just want to get laid?
-That's fine, but say so, be a man.
-What do you mean, be a man?
Tell me to my face, "I don't want you."
Why do you have to bullshit me?
Or maybe you do want me?
I don't understand what...
I don't want you.
Who's that?
Maybe a delivery boy?
At 11:30 at night?
What'd they send us, a hooker?
Go on, see who it is.
-Who could it be?
-I don't know, just go!
Uri!
Who is it?
Coming.
-Uri!
-Hey!
-I missed you. What a house!
-Hi.
Dad?
Are you a millionaire or something?
Listen, I lie to people, I'm sneaky,
but deep inside, I'm...
- Hello.
- Hello.
Ella, get some water.
-Wow, what a house.
-Who's she?
-Nobody.
-You're nobody.
It's the flower girl from
that nice shop, remember?
Relax, folks, please.
Easy there. Take it easy.
I'm young, too.
Whoa...
Don't just stand there,
help me carry her!
Outside?
To the couch!
-Whoa.
-Give me a hand here...
Come on.
-Go ahead.
-Dad, lift a little.
I'm not allowed to lift things...
Let's drag her.
Do you mind lifting a body part
besides her head?
- Who is she?
- Why does everyone come to me?
-Let's pick her up.
-Who is she?
-What now? Mouth-to-mouth?
-Yeah, do mouth-to-mouth.
Go ahead.
-Let's pick her up.
-Don't shout at me.
-Don't shout at me.
-I'm not shouting.
One, two, three, and...
Kinneret... Kinneret!
Kinneret...
Are you and her...?
Just once,
I didn't even bother telling you.
-Should we call an ambulance?
-An ambulance?!
Then... let's lean her against the wall.
No, this is fine, with her legs up.
I'll get her some water.
ELLA
Kinneret.
-What?
-You have to drink something.
Here, drink it. Careful.
I wanted to tell you something.
-Not now.
-Want a bucket?
Hello, nice to meet you. Sorry.
Sorry, I won't come here anymore.
-Why didn't you call?
-Didn't my secretary tell you?
-Easy there. Sit up.
-Forget it.
-Just sit up.
-I'm going.
-Rest here a minute and then you can go.
-Let her go.
-She can't move.
-She's awake now.
She fell down,
you know what that can lead to?
-Bye.
-Hold on.
She had some water, she says she's okay.
"Woman faints in famous singer's house."
Yeah, I'll sue you.
-Stop it.
-Let's call her a taxi.
Let her rest.
-It'll take a few minutes.
-She can't go like this.
No taxis.
Want some toast?
Okay, toast it is. Wait a second, wait.
What will I make it with?
- Cream cheese?
- I don't know and I don't care!
Let's each say our favorite
color and animal.
Purple and nothing.
Shit, I bought you a dog.
A blue one.
You can call me a cab
if you don't mind.
Sure you don't want
to wait for your toast?
I don't think the toast likes me.
Kinneret...
Don't throw up in the taxi,
it's under my name.
She's sweet.
Who? Oh, her? Yeah.
- She's great. No...
- "Oh... Who? Oh..."
There's something sweet about her.
-Definitely.
-Right.
Sweet, young, gorgeous.
-Speak up. She's gorgeous.
-Okay.
-There's nothing much to say.
-Dish some dirt.
We spent a bizarre night together.
-Bizarre? In what way?
-She cried like a baby...
-Cried? About what?
-It's a boring story.
Suddenly...
Never mind. It's stupid.
Did you kiss?
-In a friendly way, nothing...
-On the lips?
Um...
-Stop it!
-What?
You ate all my gouda.
-So we'll order more.
-Then order more.
Don't fight, kids,
there's plenty for all.
- Oh!
- How are you, Uri?
Best scrambled egg in town.
You're a genius
Thank you.
I love it when you come here.
-Why the long face, honey?
-He ate all my gouda.
Hadari, bring me
the whole wheel of gouda.
She's a real pixie, better watch out.
Say, will your dad play at our wedding?
-I dunno. Ask him.
-The man's a genius, world-class...
It all comes out the other end.
Why do you have to be so nasty?
Big deal,
he's a judge on a cooking show.
Oh, yeah?
And what show did you judge on?
Gouda.
Hadari, honey, put down the knife.
Who slices for princesses around here?
Get me some tiramisu,
we'll make up for your blunder.
You know what tiramisu means?
"Pick me up."
So dainty and fragile that you can't
pick it up without it falling apart.
You have to be very, very delicate.
Honey, tell me when before I cut
the whole wheel and my fingers, too.
Although rumor has it
that Venetian whores
invented it to keep their spirits up,
you know, sex gives you an appetite.
Slow down, honey,
I don't want you choking here.
I'll leave you two alone...
Here, you see?
Give her something to drink.
You know those chefs who won't leave
their customers in peace?
- Right!
- I don't want to be one of them.
That's so true.
She's a real pixie, I told you so.
Call me if you need anything, okay?
Brass.
What do you think?
Excellent.
What are you doing?
What is that?
What is that?!
-Nothing, baby. Just a joke.
-Remember when we started going out
we said that if we felt like it wasn't
working, we'd talk about it?
No.
-What do you mean, no?
-I don't remember saying that.
-We did.
-Maybe you said it to someone else.
-We said it.
-No, we didn't.
So you claim that we didn't say that?
Besides...
we said we'd give it
a two-week trial, right?
-So?
-These are two important weeks.
-So?
-Let's give it a real go.
Fine.
But only two weeks.
Help me out here.
Think higher, higher...
You're flat by a half-step.
What's the problem?
Just a half-step.
-I'm trying.
-But you're not there.
What's the big deal?
It's just a half-step.
Here, you're almost there.
Let's take a break.
We just said two weeks.
I'm not asking to break up anymore.
Let's give it two weeks
and then take a break.
No. Let's take a break
and then give it two weeks.
-Let's just end it.
-Fine.
Two more weeks.
I don't know what to say, babe...
We totally agreed on this.
We so totally agreed on this.
Okay. Sorry.
- What a babe. Do we have a date?
- No.
-I bought you that.
-Of course.
-Want an Omega-3?
-Sure.
- Looking good, baby.
- Thanks, baby.
Psh...
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
-Bye.
-Bye.
♪ ...is over ♪
♪ And now you walk away from me
and there's no place to put my hand ♪
♪ Except to shade my eyes against
the sun that comes to warm the land ♪
♪ I watch you walk away somehow
I have to let you go now... ♪
Hey, Chef!
-Needs salt, buddy.
-Chef.
Then add more. What's up, gorgeous?
Wipe it before you send it out.
What did you forget?
-Are you gay or something?
-Why?
- Ready, Chef.
- What are you, stupid?
Why do you ask, babe?
Get to work, folks!
You troublemaker.
But I'm the middle of service.
-Fine.
-Come by at closing time.
-No problem.
-Okay?
No problem.
I'll come when you're done plating.
After you charge 1,000 shekels
for a pita in roll, eh, babe?
Babe...
Not a word to Daddy.
♪ ...It's over ♪
♪ And so I walk away
and turn my collar to the wind ♪
♪ I walk along in silence
trying not to think at all ♪
♪ I put my feet before me
Walk the silent street before me ♪
♪ It's over ♪
♪ If time were not a moving thing
and I could make it stay ♪
♪ This love we shared would always be
There'd be no coming day ♪
♪ No morning light above
to make me realize our love ♪
♪ Is over ♪
I'm here to see Tzuki.
Call Tzuki.
♪ It's over ♪
♪ It's over ♪
♪ It's over ♪
-Hi...
-Thanks, but I'm no model, I'm a chef.
Shoo! Shoo!
God...
Sorry.
Hi.
Sorry, we don't give away
leftovers.
Look who's here.
What are you doing there?
Nothing...
Come here.
My princess.
You're the prince.
-Excuse me.
-What?
The toast.
Not crispy enough.
- Want some?
- What? No, no.
Say, how...
-How's it going with Ella?
-Fine and dandy.
-Everything's okay?
-Yeah.
Uri, I know where you're going with this
and you can rest assured.
I'll never hurt Ella.
You'll end up breaking my heart,
you little scamp.
Why do you say that?
I'm not used to your type.
What type am I exactly?
You're totally not my type.
-I never go out with girls like you.
-Why not?
I usually go out with geniuses.
Not that you aren't smart,
you're brilliant,
but I'm talking about real geniuses,
you know, professors.
-Mm. That's another story.
-A totally different league.
You aren't my type looks-wise, either.
What do you mean?
I'm more into...
the Indian look, you know what I mean?
And it's a totally different vibe,
more relaxed,
more open, less uptight, less...
Okay, I get it, babe.
And it's exciting that you're taking me
out of my comfort zone.
I'm learning about myself and I love it.
Did you just screen your dad?
Coming up?
-I don't think so.
-I have an amazing house.
No, I have to get up and look for work.
-Come on, sleep with me.
-No.
-Is it because of what I said?
-Not at all.
I pissed you off, huh?
Don't be offended,
not every girl needs sex appeal.
You cracked me up
back at the restaurant, you nut.
You're hilarious.
Why quit while you're ahead?
After all your efforts?
You climbed on the trash cans
to peep at me in the kitchen...
Come on.
I don't have any coffee
for the morning.
-That's okay, I don't drink coffee.
-Water, either.
I'll drink from the toilet.
And my house is such a mess,
my son had a pajama party...
Then what do you want from me?
Forget it, I'm a lost case. Come on.
Watch out, I'll drive you nuts.
My divorce ruined me.
I used to be like you,
fresh, happy, fun.
Now all I want to do is cry.
Nothing makes me happy
except looking into my kids' eyes,
and even that's only half a smile,
all the rest is bullshit.
Don't you see all the bullshit?
I want a woman
who sees all the bullshit.
I see the bullshit, I see it's bullshit.
-But you know, if we're a couple...
-We aren't a couple.
Do me a favor,
don't fall in love with me.
Fuck, the maid didn't show up again.
Those kids are a couple of stooges,
they expect someone else
to clean up after them.
Like their mother, the princess.
She thinks she's a princess.
A spoiled little brat,
that's what she is.
Like her mother,
who didn't set her boundaries.
Now the kids are the same way.
Those two little thugs
are gonna kill me, two little stooges.
I'm sick of cleaning up after everyone.
Omriki's smell drives me crazy.
It kills me.
I hardly ever see them.
Every little thing Omriki does,
"Look, Baba, look, Baba."
What's to see?
You know those silly drawings.
But still I look
because I'm mad about him.
We took Avivi to the Western Wall
and you know
what he wrote on the note?
"I wish Mom and Dad
would get back together."
"I wish Mom and Dad
would get back together."
Want to come to me?
♪ Who who who, who who who
Who will come to me? ♪
♪ Who who who, who who who ♪
♪ who will come to me? ♪
I knew you were a real pixie.
I'm mad about that girl!
Hadari! Hadari!
-Hadari, Tzuki's calling you.
-Hadari!
Pour the pretty girl
some grapefruit juice.
-What?
-Grapefruit juice for the pretty girl.
Thanks.
No that glass,
the princesses' wine glass.
What were you thinking?
Voila!
You know, you snored last night.
You snore!
But they were cute little snores.
-Tzuki, honey, can I have some tahini?
-Sure.
Hadari!
Tahini for my princess, right away!
-Thank you.
-Hadari, I have...
My name is Hadar.
She snored at my place once or twice.
- Come here, Hadari!
- Come on, Hadari!
It's Hadar.
- Hi!
- Hi.
God, I hate high heels...
I need a band-aid.
-Poor Zohar.
-What?
Nothing.
We were at her place, poor thing.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi.
Whoa...
No, she's just so bummed out.
I'm telling you, Dad,
she's totally lost.
Why?
We had a four-five
hour conversation
about how mediocre she is...
She polished off
three packs of Oreos,
that comes to four in each...
There are four in each pack,
which makes...
twelve.
Why is she mediocre?
Because of that boyfriend of hers.
I mean...
Why her boyfriend?
It opened up Pandora's Box...
No, but I...
I told her she's amazing and all that
but between you and me,
she's mediocre.
Sure, yeah.
She's pissing on him now.
But I cheered her up, I said,
"Listen, Zohar, we're all in the gutter
but some of us look at the stars."
Right.
-The moron, she didn't know the quote.
-Uh-huh.
What a dork.
It's Oscar Wilde, Dad.
Do you know it?
TZUKI PAROLE
Look, here's a continuity mistake.
She has a watch,
she has a watch, she has a watch...
Oops, no watch.
-Polanski.
-You're pretty easygoing, aren't you?
Me?
I can see why you think so, but...
The truth is, I'm actually very...
very dark.
Where was Ella last night?
Let me just use my telekinesis...
At Zohar's.
-Is that so?
-Yeah. At Zohar's.
-Uri.
-Hi.
-What's up?
-Hey, Tzuki.
-What's up? Come in.
-Hi, Tzuki.
-What's the matter? Gimme a hug.
-It's alright.
What's the matter?
Do you realize
that's my daughter that you're...?
-She'll break my heart, Uri.
-I don't give a damn.
-What are you, a pig?
-Relax.
How dare you? What's with you?
Have a little decency.
I just think
of all the diseases you carry...
How would you feel
if I did that to you?
Do you want me to go out
with your daughter?
-I don't have a daughter.
-If you keep going out with her...
People in these situations
do crazy things,
not that I would, I won't,
but I really wish I would.
I'm telling you, I'm petulant.
I shouldn't have mentioned
your diseases, I'm sorry.
Really, your scrambled eggs
are fantastic.
But I can't handle this.
A father can't stand
seeing such a thing.
Understand me, Tzuki.
-I understand.
-You hit me where it...
Okay, I understand.
-Don't tell Ella we spoke, okay?
-Of course not. Don't worry.
Uri.
I...
What can I say? You're tearing me apart.
I could cry for an hour.
From one father to another,
I know I broke your heart,
and the mere thought
that I could hurt a fly,
and you know well
I have the soul of a bird,
tears me apart.
What are you trying to say?
I don't get it.
I'M COMING TO SEE YOU
Ew.
NOT A GOOD IDEA
I'M ALREADY ON MY WAY, BABE
Did she really eat three packs of Oreos?
Yeah, it was awful.
-I'm on my way to see her now.
-Tell her I said hi.
-Want some oatmeal?
-Sure, babe. Thanks.
-Do you like it sweet?
-Yeah.
This won't last for two weeks.
What?
What's the matter, babe?
Are you okay?
We have to break up.
For how many hours?
Stop it, I'm serious.
I don't want this anymore.
You know,
there's a beautiful
Buddhist expression...
that says the best way
to save a drowning person
is to jump in with them.
But I don't want to jump in with you.
-I'm not the one who's drowning.
-I'm drowning?
No, our relationship is drowning.
- I...
- Well...
♪ Formidable ... ♪
Wow.
If you'd sent me
a picture of you like this
instead of that stupid emoji
I'd leave work on the spot.
Are you here
to drive me crazy, princess?
- I missed you.
- Is that so?
Glad to hear it.
- What's up?
- I'm okay.
It's a busy day,
The restaurant is packed.
- Any plans for later?
- No, I'm busy.
-Really?
-Don't be offended.
-I'm not offended, babe.
-You're a unique kind of pixie. Really.
I mean it. Think about it,
the way karma works,
the world turns,
and if you don't duck in time,
you get whacked.
You know how it is,
everybody has his own journey.
What does that mean?
It means you're a pure soul.
Sometimes I think
the universe gave me you...
for one night.
so I should be grateful, not greedy.
What's your problem?
What's the matter?
-I'm not Indian enough for you?
-You're beautiful.
A rain dance, is that what turns you on?
Come on, babe,
it's hard enough as it is.
Are you mad at me, Tzuki?
Did I do something wrong?
Don't be silly.
Then cut the crap about journeys
and all that.
Babe...
No, I'm no professor,
but I'm not stupid.
Did you just want to get laid?
-That's fine, but say so, be a man.
-What do you mean, be a man?
Tell me to my face, "I don't want you."
Why do you have to bullshit me?
Or maybe you do want me?
I don't understand what...
I don't want you.