Upstairs, Downstairs (1971–1975): Season 5, Episode 6 - An Old Flame - full transcript

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EDWARD: Right, now, Lily, can
you hold that perfectly still?

HUDSON:
That looks very dangerous.

Are you sure you know
what you're doing, Edward?

EDWARD: Oh, it's all right,
Mr. Hudson.

It's only the aerial.
No electricity involved at all.

Now hold it up high.
That's it.

Now, all we have to do is

connect these terminals
to the battery.

HUDSON: Now,
stand well back, everybody.

EDWARD: It's all right,
Mr. Hudson,



it's not going to blow up.

HUDSON: Oh, you can't be
too careful.

EDWARD: Right, that's it.
Now, we're ready.

Let me see.

Now, switch on and that's it.

[Chuckles]

MRS. BRIDGES:
Just as I thought!

EDWARD: Oh, well, you see,
it's not really

the right sort of aerial
and we're in the basement.

What sort of aerial
should it be?

EDWARD: Well, it should be
a sort of pole thing

on the roof,
connected by a wire.

HUDSON: Oh,
that's absurd, Edward.

Imagine every house in London



with a wee pole sticking up
from the roof.

[Laughter]

DAISY: It says here
you have to tune it.

EDWARD: Oh, that's right.

Look in the paper, love, and see
what it says under broadcasting.

DAISY: Oh I can't read it,
it's too small. Lil?

LILY: Oops. Ah, here we are.
London: 369 meters.

HUDSON: That's right, good girl.
That's 2LO, Savoy Hill.

[Frequency whines]
- DAISY: Oh!

EDWARD: Here it is.
Wait a minute.

Oh. That's it, that's it.

There you are, Mrs. Bridges,
listen to that.

Mr. Hudson, there you are.

[Woman singing]

Oh, it's beautiful music.

Sounds more like
a parrot squawking,

to my way of thinking.

Daisy.

MRS. BRIDGES:
Good gracious me.

Whatever will they
think of next?

Daisy, may I have
a listen, please?

Daisy, let Lily listen.
It's her turn.

EDWARD: Oh, the -- the aerial.

DAISY: I'll take
the aerial now.

EDWARD: Keep it still.
Mind the wires.

Oh, Daisy, hold it still.

- DAISY: Is that all right?
EDWARD: That's it.

MRS. BRIDGES: Where's
that voice coming from?

Is it in them bulbs?

EDWARD: No, they're valves,
Mrs. Bridges,

and it's in the ether,
in waves.

MRS. BRIDGES:
Oh, yes, I expect it is.

HUDSON: Wireless waves,
Mrs. Bridges.

Do you
expect me to believe that

that voice is coming here
from Savoy Hill,

all through the houses
and the traffic and that?

EDWARD: Yes, truly!

Oh, with the windows shut?

How can waves of air come
through solid glass?

Answer me that one.

Well, perhaps they're getting

through the crack
under the back door.

Lil! Don't talk about
things you don't understand.

Shh, shh, quiet,
everybody -- news of sport.

MRS. BRIDGES; Oh.

NEWSREADER: The Football
Association Cup final

will be held this year
in the new Wembley Stadium.

It will be
between Bolton wanderers

and west Ham United.

Switch off
the apparatus.

EDWARD: Oh! But --

- HUDSON: Please, Edward.
- DAISY: Oh, no, Mr. Hudson!

HUDSON: Oh, yes, Daisy.

West Ham should never have got
to Wembley in the first place.

[Doorbell rings]

HUDSON: That'll be
the Major's taxi cab.

MRS. BRIDGES: Here, out again,
night after night.

Poor, lonely sod.

DAISY: West Ham --
I've always liked them.

MRS. BRIDGES:
Where does he get to?

HUDSON: Oh, he goes to his club
and plays bridge, no doubt,

like many single gentlemen.

And, like his lordship,
the Major is a member

of white's, Pratt's, and,
of course, the Guards Club.

[Edward scoffs]

The Hot Cat Club
in Gerard Street, more like.

His evening clothes don't
half stink of cheap scent.

Here, listen to this.

[Piano plays]

MAN: Here, sir.

JAMES: I say, are you new here?

MAN: Yes, sir.

JAMES: Have we met
somewhere before?

MAN: Yes, we have.

The machine gun
conversion course in France.

Major Morris, Ricky.

They were splendid guns, those.
They helped us win the war.

Yes, indeed.

Would you like something
to drink, sir?

Oh, yes, yes.

I think we'll probably start
with a couple of Sidecars.

[Song ends, applause]

- Small world, isn't it?
- Yes.

We must have a drink sometime.
You know, discuss old times.

That would be very pleasant.

Would you like anything
to eat, sir?

Oh, yes.
Well, what can we have?

Sandwiches.
- Not bully beef?

- No, smoked salmon, chicken.
JAMES: Chicken.

Chicken would be splendid.
And plenty of them. Thank you.

MORRIS: Thank you, sir.

JAMES: Morris, I say,
are you...?

Can -- can I help?

MORRIS: No, thank you, sir.

I'm very lucky to be here.
It's a good, steady job.

JAMES: Free all day?

MORRIS: Yes.

JAMES: Splendid.
I'm -- I'm glad.

[Pianist plays]

JAMES: Would you like to dance?

Make yourself scarce,
will you?

There's a good girl.

DIANA: James, hello.

JAMES: Hello, Diana.
How splendid to see you.

Won't you sit down a moment?

Oh, I'm not interrupting
anything, am I?

JAMES: Oh, no, no,
I'm here by myself.

Come over and join us.
I think you know everyone.

There's Christabella Lum,
Davina and Mouse.

No, I don't think
I will, if you don't mind.

Sit down and join me a moment.

Ah.

DIANA: What are you doing here,
all on your own,

dressed in those funny clothes?

JAMES: Oh, something to do.

Father and Virginia
and the children are still

in Scotland,
Georgina's in America.

I like this pianist.

I hadn't really expected
to see any friends.

We came slumming

because Davina had heard
about the pianist, too.

JAMES: Oh. Thanks.
Sidecar. Jolly good.

DIANA: But. ..?

JAMES: I anticipated
your arriving,

as we used to say in school
when doing Greek.

I can't quite remember why.

- DIANA: I shouldn't.
- Go on.

JAMES: Had a good season?

DIANA: I suppose so.

I'm rather bored with hunting
and the country

and everyone endlessly moaning
about the miseries of farming.

I see Bunny's selling
Newbury House.

Yes, thank heaven.

Dreadful old burrow, really.

They're going to pull it down
and build a big block

of luxury flats on the side
overlooking Hyde Park.

I'm meant to be looking after
the moving of everything,

but, in fact,
I'm staying in the Ritz,

having a wonderful time
buying new clothes.

Well.

I'd better get back.

Yes. You're looking very young
and very beautiful.

Thank you.

[Whistle blows]

Everybody! will everybody please
stop where they are?

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

there's nothing
to get alarmed about.

Constable, take their names
and addresses, please.

CONSTABLE: Yes, sir, right.

POLICEMAN: Are you the manager?
Can I see your --

JAMES: Shh.

[Diana giggling]

Oh!

JAMES: Shh, Shh!

[Diana laughing]

Oh, that was brilliant.
How did you know?

JAMES: Hmm? In the army, we were
always taught to reoonnoiter

an escape route if there was
a danger of a raid by the enemy.

They'll go away soon.

DIANA: Poor Davina and Mouse.
I bet they've been nabbed.

Bunny would've had a fit
if I'd been caught.

[James chuckles]

JAMES: Wh-where's Bunny?

DIANA: Somewhere in the wilds
of Wales, fishing.

He never comes to London unless
it's for a dinner or a meeting.

You never come and see us,
these days.

JAMES: No.

DIANA: Not for want
of being asked.

JAMES: No.

DIANA: No Hazel
to put you off anymore.

JAMES: No. No, poor Hazel.

DIANA: Does she haunt you
from the grave?

JAMES: No. No, my memories
of her are happy ones,

much happier
than when she was alive.

We made our peace, I think,
before she died.

DIANA: What are you doing
this weekend?

JAMES: I -- I can't come up
to Somerby.

I'm going down to Sandwich
for a couple of weeks' golf,

get some fresh air.

The Danbys have lent me
their cottage.

DIANA: All alone?

JAMES: Mm-hmm.

DIANA: Can I come, too?
That's if you'd like me to.

JAMES: Oh. Oh, yes.
A bit risky.

DIANA: Bunny's
absolutely all right.

JAMES: Yes, he is my man,
I suppose.

DIANA: Good.

JAMES: I say, you're --
you're cold.

Come on, we can get out
this way.

DIANA: Oh, sorry.
Oh, Lord, my wrap!

JAMES: I'll come round
and collect it in the morning.

DIANA: It's sable, Molyneux.

JAMES: Smelling faintly
of Quelque Fleurs.

[Diana laughs]

JAMES: Come on, out.

Oh, just checking
the lamps, sir,

in case the electricity fails,
like last time.

JAMES: Just like the war, eh?

EDWARD: Yes, sir

EDWARD: Oh, we've got
plenty of candles in case, sir.

JAMES: Good.

Do you know, Edward, I mentioned
the possibility of a visitor?

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

I've made up the bed
in the spare room.

JAMES: Good, good. well, there
may also be a servant, a maid.

EDWARD: But there isn't
any other room, sir.

Well, I could try
in the village, if you like.

JAMES: No.

EDWARD: Well,
I could make up a bed

on the settee
in the lounge, sir.

JAMES: Yes, well, that may
not be necessary, Edward.

We shall see.

I'm sure a maid will be
a great help to you,

you know, give you a hand.

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

JAMES: I know
I can rely absolutely

on your discretion, Edward.

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

JAMES: Good, splendid.
They should be here any minute.

[Vehicle approaches]

EDWARD: I think your visitors
are arriving, sir.

JAMES: Oh, splendid, Edward.
Show them in, will you?

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

[Door-knocker bangs]

EDWARD: Ahem.
Oh, the Major's in here.

DIANA: Hello, James.

JAMES: Hello, Diana.

Huh, well, train on time?

DIANA: I really didn't ask.

JAMES: Some sherry?

DIANA: Gin, please,
gin and water.

JAMES: Oh, yes.
Yes, of course.

There we are.

I thought we'd eat out.

There are some
quite reasonable pubs.

DIANA: I've brought some food.

It would be a bit more sensible
to eat here, wouldn't it?

JAMES: Oh, yes, yes,
I suppose it would.

DIANA: Rather stuffy and damp.

JAMES: Well, I've just had
the fire lit.

DIANA: It's smoking. wet wood.
Open the window.

JAMES: Oh, right.

DIANA: That pipe
doesn't help much.

JAMES: Oh, I say, l am sorry.

Aren't you going to say
you're glad to see me?

Oh, yes.
I mean, yes, of course I am.

Tremendously glad.
It's just --

DIANA: Just what?

JAMES: Bunny.

Look, if you've suddenly
developed a conscience,

why the hell didn't you
tell me not to come?

JAMES: I haven't.

DIANA: Right, so no more Bunny,
let's get that quite clear.

Yes, Diana.

EDWARD: Uh, my name's Barnes,
like the bridge.

VIOLET: Oh, mine's Marshall.

Well, you could've knocked me
down with a feather

when I saw who it was.

Could I have?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, well,
I mean, I know Lady Newbury,

I've been up at Somerby
with the Major for the hunting.

Well, that would be before your
time, of course, Miss Marshall.

VIOLET: Lucky we brought
our own food,

by the looks of the larder.

EDWARD: Oh, the Major
usually eats out.

VIOLET: Oh, I wasn't
thinking of them.

Oh. Oh, paté en croute, eh?
Just like Christmas.

Oh, we have it all the time.
Poky little place.

EDWARD: Oh, I dunno.
It's quite cozy, really.

Mind you,
it's not what we're used to.

VIOLET: It's not what We're
used to either,

I can assure you, Mr. Barnes.

EDWARD: Yes, well.

VIOLET: Still,
under the circumstances.

EDWARD: Do you know,
it's not like the Major, at all.

VIOLET: Men are all the same.

EDWARD: I always thought
the Marquis was

the Major's best friend.

Well, what's that got
to do with it?

Well, you know...

I think you're a little bit
old-fashioned, Mr. Barnes.

Or is it that you've led
rather a sheltered life?

No, I haven't -- I'm married,
to Daisy, our head housemaid,

and I've been
all through the war.

VIOLET: Oh, I'm glad.

EDWARD: What, about the war?

VIOLET: Oh, no, about the other.

I much prefer valets
who knows what's what.

Is there a cook?

EDWARD: No, there isn't,

but there's a woman
that comes in during the week.

VIOLET: No servants?
No servants at all?

EDWARD: No. we'll manage.

[Laughing]
VIOLET: Oh, will we, indeed?

Well, I was a footman, before.

I mean, I'm pretty handy.
I can manage most things.

Oh, I'm glad,
I'm glad to hear that.

Well, as it seems
We're going to have to spend

quite a lot of time together,
you can call me "Violet."

I'm Edward.

Edward. Hmm, quite nice.

Here, what you doing?

VIOLET: I'm just
taking off my frock.

It got ever so crumpled
in the train

and I thought
you'd be a good boy

and give it a little iron
for me.

EDWARD: Yeah, but supposing one
of them comes in?

VIOLET: Well, what can they say,
under the circumstances, Edward?

[Bell rings]

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

JAMES: Oh, Edward,
would you rustle us up

a spot of cold lunch --
on a tray will do.

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

DIANA: And a bottle
of the Burgundy.

EDWARD: Yes, my lady.
Oh, please, sir, allow me.

JAMES: Oh, right.
The wood's a bit wet, damp.

EDWARD: I'm afraid so, sir.

DIANA: What a nice,
Willing boy.

JAMES: Yes, yes, he's a splendid
fellow, Edward, I must say.

DIANA: My girl's a bolshy
little stuck-up bitch.

The way she behaves, you'd think
she was the Queen of Sheba,

not a draper's daughter
from Kettering.

Then why do you keep her?

Oh! She can sew,
brilliant with hair.

She makes me laugh.

Your Edward would make someone
a very good butler.

Are you scheming?

DIANA: Me?

JAMES: Hmm.
- DIANA: No.

JAMES: Oh, yes you are.

Behind that pretty,
innocent little face

is a cunning, devious brain.

[Bell rings]

[Laughing]
Here, what?

[French accent]
Oh, Edward, darling,

I'll have a glass
of creme de menthe, please.

Oh, yes, my lady.

VIOLET: Hurry, hurry,
boy, hurry.

[Edward laughs,
Violet hums]

[Music plays]

Oh!

[Scat singing]

EDWARD: You're going it a bit,
aren't you?

VIOLET: It's all right,
Edward, darling.

They're out, playing golf.
They won't be back for hours.

Oh, do you dance?

EDWARD: Well, yeah, but,
I mean, not to this.

VIOLET: Hold on, hold on.

[Edward laughs]

Here, you can't half dance.
You ought to go on the stage.

VIOLET: Oh, that was nothing,
darling.

EDWARD:
Hey, where did you learn?

VIOLET: I picked up that step
at Deauville, darling.

It was last season.
Everyone was there.

There was Gabidelli
and the Casa Murat.

Alors, there was
the Prince of Wales.

He was wrapped around
Mrs. Dudley-Ward, of course.

Sit down, Edward.

Listen, it was all terribly,
terribly gay, but rather boring.

[Contented sigh]
I think I'll have a bath.

Run up and turn it on for us,
there's a pet.

EDWARD: Here,
who do you think I am?

VIOLET: Well, you're quite
a nice boy, really.

That's what I think you are.

At home, I have a footman
Who's, incidentally,

madly in love with me --

and he'll obey
me slightest whim.

Here, I only got you.

EDWARD: All right.

VIOLET: Oh, Edward.

And could I have
a hot water bottle, darling?

'Tis for my little bed
because it's bound to be damp.

Ooh.

JAMES: Why did you come
down here, Diana?

DIANA: Not
for a naughty weekend.

JAMES: No

DIANA: It's because I love you,
you silly old thing.

I've loved you ever since
that awful dance at Crew House.

I mean "awful"
because I was 13

and had spots.

I was the scourge
of many a governess.

You were still at Eton,
tall and slim and beautiful,

and I fell in love.

Because our parents
knew each other,

you actually asked me to dance,

out of duty, because you were
properly brought up.

JAMES: Did I?

DIANA: Mm-hmm.

When I found myself
in your arms the other night,

I felt the same pang.

And now that you haven't
a wife anymore,

I'm yours, if you'll have me.

It's taken me a long time
to run you to ground.

I'm sure Bunny's always been
very kind to you.

Oh, yes, always very thoughtful
and considerate,

even when I've been
at my most bloody.

Life at Somerby's so dull
and decent and organized.

There's no spice to it,
no adventure, no risk.

I'm just part of the furniture,
beautifully polished.

Bunny's so. . .wet.

[Laughs]
Kitty Danby said, the other day,

that you could shoot snipe
off him.

That's the sort of bloody thing
she would say.

He was jolly good
during the war.

DIANA: He was an ADC
most of the time.

JAMES: Only the last year.

The heirs and the nobility
were being killed off.

The king wanted to be sure of
a House of Lords in the future.

Why are we talking about Bunny
all the time?

JAMES: You started it.

DIANA: No, you did.

JAMES: Well,
he is rather germane

to the issue, as they say.

He's your husband and he's my --
my oldest friend.

Don't you think he'd be
most awfully upset

if he knew you'd left him
for me?

DIANA: He won't mind a jot once
he's got over the first shock.

In fact, I should say he'll be
secretly rather relieved.

His family will be delighted
that he'll be free

to marry again and find a girl
who can produce an heir.

[James scoffs]

I wish I could see
into the future.

Why, why did I ever choose Hazel
when I could have chosen you?

Well, we'd be outcasts,
you know.

You know, Bunny's got
thousands of friends

and they're, most of them,
bound to side with him.

Be nice to know
who one's friends really are.

JAMES: Well, I think --

I think you might be in for
a bit of a shock.

I mean, I know divorce is a very
commonplace thing, nowadays,

but not for Marquises.

The king and queen
won't like it a bit.

I don't mind particularly
because I'm not

a very social
sort of person anyway.

Are you trying
to frighten me?

JAMES: Yes.

Picked the wrong girl.

JAMES: What do you want to do?

DIANA: Go abroad.

We've both got a bit of money.
Let's spend it.

Have to live in Paris,
of course,

but think what fun
it could be -- We could hunt

with Westminster's hounds
at Pau,

Brionne for the polo,
rent a villa with a wild,

romantic old garden
at Fiez.

Oh, there'll be parties
all the time.

Skiing parties in the Alps,
yachting parties in Greece,

mad gondolier parties in Venice.

I want to go everywhere
and do everything.

There's nothing
we couldn't do together.

[James moans]

Come on.

VIOLET: Oi, she asked me,
ever so casual,

if I like travelling abroad.

EDWARD: Well, that doesn't
necessarily mean that, you know.

VIOLET: It's a hint,
if you ask me.

EDWARD: Well, I'm not going.

VIOLET: Of course you must.

It's the most wonderful
opportunity.

EDWARD: Well,
I think it's a disaster.

I mean, well, he could sack me,
if he'd like, but I'm not going.

I've got the best little wife
in the world at Eaton Place.

Well, it wouldn't be forever.

I mean,
think of the money you'd make.

And you'd have me
to keep you company.

Think of me and the moonlight
and the Taj Mahal.

Oh, yes, they're bound to go
to the Taj Mahal.

Even the thought of you,
the Taj Mahal, and the moonlight

still wouldn't part me
from my Daisy back home.

VIOLET: Oh, I'm sorry,
I was only joking.

Oh I don't know, you make me
feel a bit cheap sometimes.

I know I show off a bit,
say silly things,

that's just my little way.

EDWARD: Don't be stupid.

VIOLET: Here, give us that.
You can't sew for toffee.

EDWARD: I know. I generally
get my Daisy to do it.

VIOLET: Oi,
I bet I'm better than her.

My mum used to say to me
"Listen here, girl,

you ought to set yourself up
in the dressmaking.

You'd make a fortune."

Well, you're doing all right
as you are, aren't you?

VIOLET: Dunno. Listen, I mean,
she can be a pig sometimes,

she really can,
treats me like dirt.

I'm good with hair --
setting and cutting and that.

I did that when I was young,
at home.

Do you know, in Deauville,
they've got a shop

that does nothing but ladies'
hair, called a coiffeur.

EDWARD: Ooh, fancy that.

You know, I reckon,
with a figure like yours,

you ought to become one
of them mannequins.

VIOLET: Yeah, it would be nice,

but I think they only have
ladies do it, nowadays.

EDWARD: Huh, well,
you're a lot more of a lady

than a lot I know.

Ta. Ah, you do say
nice things, Edward.

Well, here we are, dear.

[Rain falls]

JAMES: You see,
if you make a pong or a chow

by drawing from the pile,
you don't have to meld them,

you can keep them concealed
in your hand, got it?

Now hang on, you see,
you see a pong,

like that, is stronger
than a chow, you see,

and an East wind can make
a pong out of five one

when west discards a five one,

even though South might want
to make it a chow.

DIANA: Darling, I really do
think it's the most boring,

complicated,
silly game I've ever seen.

JAMES: Oh,
it's awfully good fun,

once you get the hang of it --
everyone's playing it.

DIANA: Let's not.

JAMES: How about a game
of Bezique?

DIANA: Bezique is for dowagers.

I'm not one yet, not quite.

Please don't smoke another
of those things in here.

The whole place stinks
of cigar smoke already.

All right, darling.

I know, how about a game
of golf or a nice walk, eh?

In this weather?

Well, a spot of fresh air,
do you good.

Oh, I've been soaked to the skin
once today already.

James, darling.

JAMES: Mm-hmm?

DIANA: Why don't we go
and find the sun?

JAMES: Where?

DIANA: Well, France.
You've got your car.

I've got plenty of money.
We could just nip across.

There's a ferry at 3:00
from Dover.

JAMES: Well, how do you know?

[Laughs]
DIANA: Well, I do know.

JAMES: It's a --
it's a bit sudden, isn't it?

I mean, we can't just
up sticks and leave.

DIANA: Why not?

JAMES: Well...

DIANA: I think we should pack.

VIOLET: Hmm,
what I'd really like to do is

to find someone like you,
get married.

EDWARD: Oh, you could do
a lot better than me.

VIOLET: Oh, I don't think
I could, you know.

EDWARD: Oh, you must have
hundreds of men after you.

VIOLET: Yes, but they're all
the wrong sort,

only want one thing.

I don't know, all the nice ones,
like you, seem to be married.

[Bell rings]

VIOLET: Oh, bedroom.
Wonder what she wants.

[Mockingly]
EDWARD: Wonder what she wants.

[cough]

- Edward.
- Yes, sir.

JAMES: Pack my things,
will you?

- Well, yes, sir, but --
- Thank you, Edward.

Well, Hudson, how are things?

HUDSON: Oh, very well,
thank you, my lord.

I trust you and her ladyship are
enjoying your stay in Scotland.

RICHARD: Oh, yes.

HUDSON: The Major's gone
down to Kent for a few days

for a wee golfing holiday.

Yes, he did say something.

-[Doorbell rings]
- Oh, that'll be Lord Newbury.

HUDSON: Oh, Daisy will see
to the front door, my lord.

RICHARD: Yes, well, now,
if you'd bring up some sherry.

HUDSON: Very good, my lord --
I was distressed to read

of the prime minister's illness
and resignation, my lord.

RICHARD: Yes,
it's a sad business, Hudson.

That's why I've come to London,
to help choose a successor.

Not too easy.

HUDSON: Oh, no, my lord.

RICHARD: Hudson, who would you
choose -- in confidence --

Mr. Baldwin or Lord Curzon?

HUDSON: Lord Curzon
would be my choice.

RICHARD: Why, Hudson?

Oh, well, my lord,
Lord Curzon is more --

he's very much of a gentlemen.

Very interesting.
Thank you, Hudson.

My lord.

Oh, Lord Newbury, my lord.

RICHARD: Bunny,
how very nice to see you.

BUNNY: How are you?

RICHARD: Oh, we're all fine.
How's your lovely Diana?

BUNNY: Oh, well,
to be quite honest with you,

I don't know,
that's why I've come to see you.

RICHARD: Well, do sit down.

BUNNY: Oh, thanks.
I've been fishing on the Usk.

Well, there was no water,
so I decided last night

to come up and pick Diana up
at the Ritz

and take her back to Somerby,
but she's not there.

RICHARD: Oh, yes?

BUNNY: This note was waiting
for me at the club.

Good Lord.

Well, honestly,
I don't believe it.

BUNNY: Well,
Where is James, then?

RICHARD: I don't know. I've just
got back from Scotland myself.

BUNNY: Well, perhaps one
of your servants would know.

RICHARD: Oh, no, no, no, they
don't -- I've just asked them.

BUNNY: Well,
it's just extraordinary.

RICHARD: Bunny, now, I'll look
into this and let you know.

Hudson.

BUNNY: No, no, it's all right.
I'll let myself out.

I have a taxi waiting.

Now, Bunny, don't do
anything rash, you know?

What can I do on a Sunday?

[Door closes]

Hudson,

do you know the Major's
telephone number in Kent?

HUDSON: Oh, yes, my lord.
It's --

RICHARD: Just get it for me now,
will you, please?

HUDSON: Very good, my lord.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

- Hello.
RICHARD." Hello, hello. James.

Oh, Father, where are you?

-I'm in London.
- When did you get back?

- I got back today.
- How is everybody?

Listen, James, is Diana Newbury
down there with you?

What an extraordinary question.

I have just seen Bunny Newbury.

He's had a note from Diana
saying she's run off with you.

- James?
- Yes, yes, Father, she's here.

[Whispering]
DIANA: Who the hell's that?

RICHARD". James,
have you gone quite mad?

DIANA: Why on Earth
did you tell him?

JAMES: Shh!

I am deadly serious.

You must return to London
right away.

Yes, yes, all right, Father.
Goodbye.

He's just had Bunny round there,
brandishing a note from you,

saying you've run off with me,
but you can't have done!

DIANA: Yes, I did.

JAMES: What a cheek.
How dare you?

DIANA: There's no use
shilly-shallying around.

Once you said
I could come down here,

I made up my mind,
I knew you'd agree!

- Oh, did you?
- Yes.

Anyway, I wasn't expecting
Bunny back 'til wednesday.

JAMES: What a damn mess
you've got us into.

DIANA: No, I haven't.
Let's leave, as planned.

Let's go now.
It's perfectly simple.

JAMES: No, we can't go now.

It's no good running away,
not now Bunny's hit our line!

We've got to go back
and sort it out!

- No!
- Yes!

Oh.

Well, the whole thing sounds
to me like an absolute farce.

JAMES: Yes, Father, I admit it
has certain farcical elements.

RICHARD: Well, the consequences
aren't likely to be very funny.

Really, James, I fail
to understand your behaviour.

I know that morals
are pretty loose, these days,

and having a mistress
is quite the usual thing.

JAMES: Diana Newbury
is not my mistress!

RICHARD: Oh,
then I have misunderstood.

JAMES: You know very well
what I meant.

RICHARD: Really, James, aren't
there enough spare women about

Without you having to pick on

the wife of one
of your best friends,

a man in your own regiment,
a peer of the realm?

I didn't exactly "pick on"
Diana Newbury!

After all, we have known each
other since we were children.

If anyone did the picking,
it was her.

Oh, that's a very gallant
remark, I must say.

It'll sound very good
in the court and in the press.

I don't want it to get
in the newspapers.

Don't be ridiculous! Of course
it will, sooner or later.

And they'll revel
and roll in it,

especially if you continue
to behave as you have done.

JAMES: Look, Father --

RICHARD: Well, for God's sake,
think of the family!

And I do have
a certain position.

Oh, I doubt if anything even
your wicked, evil son could do

could shake
the rocklike foundation

of your shining reputation!

-[Telephone rings]
- And you are a Southwold!

JAMES: Hello? Hello, yes.
Yes, speaking. who?

It's Bunny.

Well, for heaven's sake,
don't talk to him.

Yes, put him on, will you?

Hello. Hello, Bunny?

Yes. Yes.

Well, we can't very well meet
at the club.

Why don't you come here?

Right. Goodbye.

James, you must be quite mad.

You must not talk
with Bunny Newbury

until you've seen your lawyer.

JAMES: Why not?
As you said, he is --

or, rather, was --
one of my oldest friends.

I don't see why we can't talk
this out in a civilized manner.

RICHARD: Use your brains --
he is a very rich man and,

I've no doubt, a very angry one,
and he can ruin you over this!

Father, thank you very much
for the advice,

which I didn't ask for.

I hate to say this,
but while I'm very glad

that you and Virginia
and the children

should live here,
this is my house

and whom I choose to ask here is
absolutely my business

and no one else's,
and just for this one evening,

I'd be very glad
if you'd leave me alone.

His lordship will be
dining out tonight, Hudson,

and I should like some
sandwiches in here right away.

HUDSON: Yes, sir.

JAMES: Plenty of them.
I'm very hungry.

- HUDSON: Yes, sir.
-[Door slams]

MRS. BRIDGES:
Well, I dunno, I'm sure.

MRS. BRIDGES:
Well, I dunno, I'm sure.

First, raised voices upstairs,

then his lordship
slamming out of the house,

now, the Major asks
for sandwiches.

Sandwiches, of all things!
It's like a railway train.

What's happening, Edward?
That's what I want to know.

EDWARD: Oh, I'm sorry,
Mrs. Bridges,

I'm not in a position
to divulge.

"Divulge"? where do you find
these dreadful words?

You are, but you won't,
and that's the truth of it.

We all know you was
down at that cottage in Kent.

Well, if you know,
that's all right, then, why ask?

MRS. BRIDGES:
Don't you be cheeky, Edward.

What I always says is
if people keep secrets,

it doesn't do nobody any good.

They fester inside
and cause trouble.

Don't go on at him,
Mrs. Bridges.

If he's been told not to tell,
he can't very well, can he?

Oh, Edward, Edward,
I really will have to speak

to Mr. Hudson about you,
after all these years.

- I'm sorry, Mrs. Bridges.
- Oh.

The way she pesters, she's
like a bloody wasp, she is!

DAISY: What is
going on, then?

EDWARD: Come over here,
I'll tell you something.

You won't believe this, Daisy.

You mean, she wasn't staying
in a hotel, or anything?

EDWARD: No.

In the same bed, what's more,
and not a very big one, at that.

Well, I had to take their
breakfast up in the morning.

It was embarrassing.

DAISY: Well, I never did.
It's like --

Well I don't know
what it's like.

EDWARD: Well, it's not like
a fairy tale, I can tell you.

DAISY: So what's going to
happen, then?

Well, he'll get married,
won't he?

I mean, he'll have to,
now, won't he?

DAISY: And then they'll come
and live here

and kick the Bellamys out.

EDWARD: Oh no, no,
they won't do that, you see,

because Violet -- Miss Marshall,
Lady Newbury's maid --

she said that she overheard
them talking

about going to live
on the continent,

so they'll have to sell
the house.

DAISY: They might keep it on.

EDWARD: Oh, no, no, she'll
cost him a mint, that woman.

Parties
and nothing but the best.

Perhaps they'll take us.

Oh, no, I forgot, she's got
a maid already, hasn't she?

- Yes.
- What's she like?

EDWARD: Lady Newbury?
Oh, she's --

DAISY: No, the maid.

EDWARD: Oh, Miss Marshall.

DAISY: Violet.

EDWARD: Yes.

Well, you see, there was just
the two of us there, Daisy.

DAISY: Ooh,
just Eddie and Violet, eh,

all alone in a tiny,
little cottage?

EDWARD: Now, look, Daisy,
nothing happened, I swear it.

[Daisy giggles]

EDWARD: Anyway,
she's an ugly old cow.

She's got buck teeth
like a rabbit, yeah.

Oh, Daisy, come here.
I've missed you, honest I have.

DAISY: Have you?

EDWARD: Course.
Now would a --

Oh, beg pardon.
I didn't mean to disturb anyone.

Oh, who was that
who just came in?

LILY: It was Lord Newbury.

DAISY: Oh, Lord Newbury again?

That's what Mr. Hudson said.

Mr. Hudson said he's getting
sick and tired

of answering that front door
and he'll be highly delighted

when Frederick gets back
from having his boils done.

- DAISY: Hmm.
EDWARD: Hmm.

I know I shouldn't be
behaving like this.

I ought to be threatening
to knock you down

and beating Diana
and sending out

all over the place for lawyers
and that sort of thing.

JAMES: Well,
I'm very glad you have come.

Have a sandwich.

BUNNY: Ooh, thanks.

I've thought an awful lot
about this, James,

and I realize that, well,
it isn't entirely your fault --

or Diana's, come to that.

Well, you knew her before I did

and I've always known
how fond she was of you.

I probably shouldn't have
married her in the first place,

but, well,
my mother was awfully keen

and, in those days, I was --

well I was very inexperienced
in the way of the world.

JAMES: Yes, you were, rather.
I remember.

I was dreadfully shy,
that was one of my troubles.

I probably haven't been
a very good husband.

You've been
a lot better than most.

That's nice of you,
to say that.

I suppose I've taken her
rather for granted.

Do you still love her?

Well, it's such a funny word,
isn't it?

Yes, I think I do,
as much as ever.

There's never been
anyone else.

I shall miss her most awfully.

What I really came
to say was -- is --

that I'm not going to divorce
Diana, under any circumstances,

but if you tell me

that she truly loves you
and you love her and, well --

what does it say
in the prayer book?

JAMES: Love and cherish.

BUNNY: Yes, love and cherish,

then I'll give her grounds
to divorce me.

JAMES: That's very decent
of you.

BUNNY: Well,
I was brought up to believe

that no man
should divorce a woman.

I know it sounds
a bit old-fashioned.

I think it's right.

JAMES: Yes.

BUNNY: I wonder if you
could talk to her about it.

I don't think I could face her,
at the moment.

Yes. Yes, I'll have to do a bit
of thinking and then I will.

I'll let you know.

Goodbye, Bunny.

BUNNY: Goodbye, James.

DIANA: I wish he wasn't being
so nice about it all.

JAMES: He is nice.

DIANA: Yes, but it makes it all
so difficult.

Perhaps it was being so nice

that made him such a dud
as a lover

and me such a dud
at being loved.

JAMES: You're not a dud
at being loved, my darling.

It seems I should --
I should ask you to marry me.

DIANA: How do you mean,
"It seems"?

JAMES: Well, that's the next
move in the game.

Well, why don't you make it?

Because, before I do,
I think --

I think we should be
very honest with each other.

DIANA: Must we?
It sounds terribly boring.

[Sigh]
It hurts so.

I mean, being honest,
like that poor little mermaid --

whenever she took a step
on land,

it hurt like thousands
of needles.

JAMES: Oh, I don't see
what that's got to do with it.

DIANA: Well, it has, sort of.

JAMES: Bunny wants me
to promise him that,

if I marry you,
I'll make you happy.

DIANA: How can anybody promise?
Anyway, you do.

JAMES: No.

No, I don't think I will,
my darling.

I don't --
I don't even think I do.

I don't think I can.

Don't you?

No, I mean, even after a couple
of days, we were rowing,

going at each other
like a couple of tomcats.

Well, that was just
because we were all cooped up.

Yes, well, if you're married,

you have to survive
being cooped up.

DIANA: Oh, dear.

It's all my fault,
I always think I'm right.

There are consequences --
and the world said

"Diana Newbury was a selfish,
predatory bitch."

It wasn't all selfish,
James, darling.

When I saw you in that awful
dive with that woman,

you looked so lost and lonely,

I just wanted to wrap
a warm mantle of --

well, of being wanted
around you,

to make you feel someone
loved you and needed you.

I thought
there was still a spark

and that I could blow it back
into a flame.

Nope, it was snuffed out
five years ago,

in the mud
of Passchendaele Ridge.

I'm a fraud, Diana.

I'm not the same James Bellamy
you once fell in love with.

I might look a bit like him,
but I'm not, I'm a counterfeit.

That's nonsense, you can't
blame everything on the war.

You've got to pull
yourself together,

you've got to get on with life
again, you've got to buck up!

JAMES: I've tried.

Honestly, I have tried, Diana.
It hasn't worked.

It's not that
I'm particularly unhappy,

it's just that I'm quite happy

to sit and watch the world
go by -- success, love.

Let the others get on with it.

I'll just sit and watch.

I'll marry you, Diana,
but you must know the terms.

I don't want you
to marry me out of decency.

What are we to do?

I don't know.

I haven't got that far yet.

James has made a complete clean
breast of the whole thing.

He had to talk to somebody.

BUNNY: Thank you, sir.

It was his idea
from the very start.

Well, it does take two, sir.

RICHARD: Oh, I know,
I know it does.

No one's trying to say
that Diana's entirely blameless.

She does really seem to have
lost her head

and now deeply regrets
the whole thing.

James? well he's always had
a great deal more charm

than was good for him
and, well, we must face it,

Women like Diana,
the high-spirited ones,

they do need a devil of a lot
of looking after.

Not that it, in any way,
excuses James's behaviour,

as he admits himself --

but now that he's pulled himself
together, he too deeply regrets

the whole thing
and the mess he's put us all in.

Well, I've know James
all my life, as you know, sir.

I just can't believe
he'd do such a sort of rotten,

caddish sort of thing.

Well...since the war, you know,
he's definitely been a bit --

but this has given him
a great shakeup,

that's why he's asked me
to meet you.

Well, it's shaken me up,
too, sir.

RICHARD: Well, Bunny,
if you'll let me talk to you

like a Dutch uncle --
a good shakeup

doesn't do us any harm,
from time to time.

A similar thing happened
to me once,

a long time ago now,
before the war,

when my first wife was alive.

It shook me up like the very
devil, I can tell you.

I paid a great deal more
attention to my wife afterwards.

I went out and bought her
an expensive new hat,

I remember.

[Chuckles]

This sort of thing
doesn't do any real harm.

You know what I mean.

And from what
James has told me,

Diana's damn fond
of you, really.

Well, I wonder if she'll
come back to me, sir.

Well, if you want her,
you must ask her.

Buy her a new hat
at the same time.

DAISY: You mix the pipe clay
and the water into a nice paste

and rub it on the feather,
always one way,

and when it's dry,
you can shake off the powder

and curl it up at the end
with a knife.

LILY: There's a big car
stopped outside.

DAISY: Oh, well,
that's none of our business.

Mr. Hudson's in the house.

I wish you'd pay attention!

LILY: There's a lady
coming down the area steps.

DAISY: Oh, well,
best see who it is.

VIOLET: Could I see
Mr. Barnes, please?

LILY: Yes, miss.
Please step inside, miss.

She wants to see Edward.

DAISY: Who's "she,"
the cat's mother?!

LILY: No, it's a lady.

DAISY: Well, bring her in.

LILY: Please come in.

DAISY: I'm sorry, miss,
Mr. Barnes is not available,

but I am Mrs. Barnes,
if I can help you.

VIOLET: Oh!
So you're Daisy.

I'm Miss Marshall,
Lady Newbury's maid.

DAISY: Oh, pleased
to meet you, I'm sure.

Lily, would you
tidy up, please?

LILY: Yes.

VIOLET: I've a note from
Lady Newbury for Major Bellamy.

I wanted Edward
to deliver it personally.

DAISY: Oh, well, if you'd care
to leave it with me,

Miss Marshall, I will see
that it is delivered personally.

Oh, that's frightfully
good of you, Daisy.

Now, I must rush because I've
got to pick up Lady Newbury.

She's at Ravelles.

We're going on a cruise,
you see,

so there's so much to organize.

DAISY; Oh.

VIOLET: Oh, would you give
my kind regards to Edward

and tell him that I think
he's very, very lucky

to have such a pretty
little wife?

Oh, I'm sure my husband
will be desolated

to have missed you,
Miss Marshall.

Would you show Miss Marshall
out, please, Lily?

Who was that?

DAISY: An old friend
of yours, Eddie.

EDWARD; Oh?

LILY: Did you ever see
the like of that?

EDWARD: Well, who was it?

DAISY: Can't you tell

by the sweet perfume
that fills the air?

The ugly old cow
with the buck teeth?

LILY: Oh, I thought
she was beautiful.

DAISY: Well, she sent you
her kind regards,

but she couldn't stop,
as she was going on a cruise.

EDWARD: Yes, well, I must
get these upstairs, Daisy.

DAISY: Well,
you can take this

up to the Major
at the same time.

It's to be delivered
personally by you.

EDWARD: Oh, yes.

DAISY: It was Violet's
very special wish.

EDWARD: Was it?

LILY: Lord and Lady Newbury are
taking her all round the world.

I wish I was going on a cruise.

DAISY: Hmm, I expect Eddie
does, too, don't you, Eddie?

EDWARD: Oh,
I'm glad it's all right now.

That they're going away, I mean.

DAISY: Mm-hmm, it'll be like
a second honeymoon, won't it?

EDWARD: Yes, Daisy.

- And Eddie.
EDWARD: Yes, Daisy?

DAISY: I want a word with you
later on, personal.

EDWARD: Yes, Daisy.

Well, now that Baldwin's
settled in,

I shall go back
to Scotland tonight.

JAMES: Yes.

RICHARD: Why don't you
come with me?

Virginia and the children
would be delighted.

JAMES: No, no, I don't think
I will, thank you.

I'm sorry if I was rude
the other night, Father.

It was quite inexcusable.
I wasn't quite myself.

That's all right.

And thank you
for having a word with Bunny.

Certainly seems
to have done the trick.

Well, I've had a great deal
of experience, you know.

I seem to have been getting you
out of scrapes

since you first went to school.

JAMES: Yes.

- Came by hand, sir.
- Oh, thank you, Edward.

RICHARD: Well, I must go.

I promised to have lunch
at Number 10.

JAMES: Yes.

RICHARD: Goodbye, James,
and, uh,

do try and be a bit more...
sensible, for all our sakes.

JAMES: Yes, Father.
Send my love to Virginia.

RICHARD: I will.

[Door opens and closes]

[sigh]

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