Upstairs, Downstairs (1971–1975): Season 4, Episode 10 - The Hero's Farewell - full transcript

The Bellamy household is again invaded by Lady Prudence Fairfax and one of her committees who commandeer the drawing room for yet another fund-raiser, this time for the Red Cross. They have co-opted the services of a well-known actor, Gerald Maitland, to stage a series of tableaux on a war-related theme. Georgina is home on leaves and agrees to portray Florence Nightingale and Prudence even recruits one of the staff to be the central character in the finale. At the final rehearsal however, 165 Eaton Place is extensively damaged in an air raid. Hudson proceeds to his duties as a Special Constable but is wounded and requires hospitalization. The final blow is a telegram advising them that James is missing in action in France and believed killed.

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Oh, come on, come on.

Get cleared away,
my girl, quickly.

Good morning, Hudson.

Good morning, my lady.

I'm afraid Mrs. Bellamy
is not at home.

We'll just come in for a moment.

I just want to show Mr. Maitland
the drawing room.

Oh, the drawing room,
my lady, is --

Sheeted, yes, I know.
It's all right.

We just want to see
the proportions.

- Thank you so much.
- Sir.

Oh, you better
keep your coat on, Gerald.

- It'll be dreadfully cold.
- Ah.

But, my lady, I --

It's all right, Hudson.
I know the way.

What do you think?

Well, it is quite a large room.

Oh, it's beautiful, isn't it?

Suit you perfectly.


Oh, I know it's difficult
to tell like this,

but all the furniture
could be taken out.

Oh, it would have to be.

Excuse me, my lady.
Would you care for coffee?

Oh, yes, what a good idea.

- That would be too lovely.

We'll have it up here, Hudson.

I think you would be
more comfortable

in the morning room, my lady.

No, no, we'll have it up here.

Then we can go on working
and planning.

My lady.

You don't think he's gonna
buy the house, do you?

I hope not.

Here, what's his name,
Mr. Hudson?

Uh, Mr. Maitland.

Not Gerald Maitland, the actor?

I believe Lady Prudence
did call him Gerald.

I saw him once --
Gregory and me.

Saw him in a play
before the war.

We went to a matinee
and had tea in the interval.

It was a comedy.

Ever so funny.

Oh, we laughed.

And he was lovely.

He smoked a cigarette
right on the stage.

Well, what if he did?

We still don't want him
buying this house.

To the best of my belief,

this house is not for sale,
Mrs. Bridges.


Then what's he doing looking
at the drawing room, then?

PRUDENCE: We could build a stage
at this end,

and then if we moved out
all the furniture,

got in some little gilt chairs,

how many do you suppose
we could seat in here, 50?

Oh, more than that,
I should think.

At 2 guineas a head.

- Or seat.
- Oh, Gerald.

GERALD: I wonder if we could
get Ivor to play the piano.

-Ivor Churchill?
- No, no, no.

Ivor Novello, the composer of
"Keep the Home Fires Burning."

Ah, yes.

Such a talented young man
and so beautiful.

I do think talented people
should be beautiful, don't you?

That's what I find so depressing
about D.H. Lawrence.

He's a disgraceful pacifist
and married to a German wife.

Oh, worse still,
he's so dreadfully ugly.

No, I think that if we're
going to do this thing at all,

it must be simply beautiful,

the sort of thing
that people will remember

long after the war is over.

I'm not sure we can set our
sights quite as high as that.

Oh, Hudson, is someone here?

Uh, Lady Prudence
and a gentleman, my lord.

- They're in the drawing room.
- The drawing room?

What on earth
are they doing there?

You heard about poor Basil?

Oh, tragic loss.

Cynthia's heartbroken.

Still, at least her husband
is safe.

For the moment.

Nowadays one never knows
what's going to happen next.


Oh, Richard.

We are hatching a little plot
and want your approval.

This is Gerald Maitland.

Gerald, I don't think
you've met Lord Bellamy.

How do you do?
I'm afraid you must think

We're taking
the most terrible liberties

with your beautiful
drawing room.

Not at all.
Rose, what time are you on duty?

Oh, 2:00, sir.

On duty?

Rose is a conductorette
on an omnibus.

Ah, one of our unsung heroines.

Rose, you'd better go downstairs

if you want to get something
to eat before you leave.

Oh, this is dreadful.

I'm afraid the furniture
removing was my idea.

Quite all right, sir.

Now, what is all this about?

Well, now, we were going to
have it in Wimborne House,

but it was bombed
in that dreadful raid.

Oh, yes, so I heard.

And so many large houses
have been hit, as well,

a lot of them
in that actual raid.

The Devonshires,
the Yarboroughs,

the Vernors, the Salisburys,
the Rutlands.

Really, one would think
the Germans had a map

and were picking off
the large houses one by one.

I think that most unlikely.

Well, the result's the same.

Hardly a big house
left untouched,

and those that are
mostly turned into hospitals.

We were in despair.

And then I thought of you.

My dear Prudence,
what exactly are you planning?

A tableau, Richard,

a matinee of historical tableaux
in aid of the Red Cross.


We're getting them up
among ourselves.

Now, the duchess
is writing the words,

and Connie and I
are to be responsible

for all the rest of it.

I didn't think there were
any words in tableau.

Well, you know,
an accompaniment,

telling people what they're
seeing in rhyming couplets.

Good heavens.

We shall sell tickets
at 2 guineas a head

and take up a collection,

so we should make quite a nice
little sum for the Red Cross.

Well, surely it'd be much
simpler to ask for donations.

Oh, I know.
That's Hazel's view.

No one should ever have any fun
over raising money.

But it's so unrealistic.

People are very poor these days.

Except for the poor.

They've never been so well off
in their lives.

But for the rest of us,
it is very difficult

to get people to put their hands
in their pockets.

Besides, everyone needs
a little amusement.

And you think that tableau is --

Oh, my dear Richard,
people will always come

to see their friends
making fools of themselves.

Oh, not that that's what
We're going to do, of course,

because we have our dear Gerald
to advise us.

So it's all going to be
a great success.

Now, we can borrow
the drawing room, can't we?

Well, Prudence,
with Hazel away I --

But that's the point --
Hazel's away.

And by the time she gets back
from Eastbourne,

we shall have given
our little performance,

made a nice little sum
for the Red Cross,

and given no trouble to anyone.

There, that's settled.

Now we can really
get down to work.

Would you care to stay
for lunch?

I don't know
what Mrs. Bridges is planning.

We had sausages yesterday,
so it won't be that again.

Oh, that's awfully kind, but I'm
afraid I'm taking Lady Prudence

to luncheon at The Ritz.

We've been working so hard
all the morning.

We really feel we've earned it.

Salt brisket of beef, and not
much of that left, neither.

Well, it's all we've got for
tomorrow except a bit of bacon.

Them dumplings was nice,
Mrs. Bridges.


That potato flour's
not the same.

It's no use pretending it is.

I'm off, then.

You going to that lecture
this afternoon, Mrs. Bridges?

I'm not sure.

Now, Mrs. Bridges,
you promised the mistress.

I said I'd think about it.

I don't want some lady telling
me how to manage my kitchen.

It might not be a lady,
Mrs. Bridges.

- It might be a cook.
- Oh, well.

Let her come and cook here,
then, if she's so clever.

Mrs. Bridges,
I'm sure we all feel

that with the king and queen
eating patriotic menus

-in Buckingham Palace --
- We eat patriotic menus here.

There's not a scrap of waste
in this household.

Might pick up a few tips.

I've got plenty of tips of me
own, thank you, without theirs.

Ah, well, cheerio.


If you ask me,
Rose has not been improved

by her contact
with the outside world.

'Course you could
send Ruby along instead.

Oh, fat lot of good she'd be.

Ah, no.

No, I don't imagine
Daisy meant instead,

but it might not be altogether
inappropriate, Mrs. Bridges,

for you to go
to the war-cookery lecture

by your kitchen maid.


It might, as it were,
establish your correct status.



I suppose I could
take her along with me,

if you think it's my duty.

[ Hammering ]

[ Hammering ]

CONSTANCE: But who is to play
Florence Nightingale?

Well, Dorothy promised
faithfully that she would.

Now she's been asked to play
the Virgin Mary at the Gaiety,

and she flatly refuses
to do both.

To ask Dorothy
to portray the Virgin Mary

is like asking Henry VIII
to play a celibate monk.

[ Laughs] Perhaps that's why
the idea appeals to her so much.

Oh, Maude's to be Cleopatra.


Well, she's very swarthy.

Yes. You'll have to
shave her mustache.

Otherwise they'll think
she's Antony.

I thought her husband
could pay Antony.

Is that the little man
with the squint?

No, no, no, no,
that's her cousin.

I thought he could be Nelson.

Well, he'll have a patch
over one eye.

Yes, but which eye?

[ Both laugh ]

It does seem a pity
not to use this.

I wonder if I could
stick silver paper over it

-for a Roman soldier.
- Mm.

How's it going?

Oh, Connie,
that's very attractive.

I thought I might wear it
as Lady Hamilton.

I thought this program was to be
called "The Hero's Farewell."

Mm, the hero's farewell
to his wife or lady love.

Nelson and Lady Hamilton,
Antony and Cleopatra,

Christopher Columbus
and Queen Isabella.

Christopher Col--
- He's the American gentleman.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

You know, in a way,
I'm sorry we didn't stick

to our original idea
of heroines through the ages.

We're so dreadfully short
of men.

- Richard dear --
RICHARD: Oh, no.

You won't get me to take part.

I've lent you this drawing room
on Hazel's behalf,

but that is all.

I hope that man
isn't damaging the plaster.

I think I might go
to Selfridges' basement

and see if I can't find a hat
I like better.

Oh, now, dear, you know we said
that in the interest of economy

we wouldn't buy any new costumes
but make use of what we had.

Oh, but if it's really becoming,
then I can wear it afterwards,

-and it will be an economy.
- Mm.

[Sighs ] we still haven't
solved our main problem --

who is to play
Florence Nightingale.

Miss Georgina,
what a pleasant surprise.

Hello, Hudson.

We didn't expect you
till next week.

I had to change leaves with
a nurse who was getting married,

and there wasn't time
to let you know.

- It's nice to see you again.
- Thank you, Miss Georgina.

-[ Pounding in distance]
- What on earth's going on?

Don't tell me
you've been bombed.

No, Miss Georgina.

Lady Prudence has, if I may
so express it, struck again.

[ Both laugh ]

Well, what's going on this time?

No, no, no, don't tell me.
I'll find out for myself.

You want your curtains to draw
to and fro across here, then?

No, no.

CONSTANCE: No, people are
going to be dressing in there.

Oh. I thought you wanted to run
your curtains to and fro.

Yes, but in front of the stage,
you stupid man, not there.


Look, lady, if you're
not satisfied with my work,

you go and get somebody else.

No, no.
No, no, come back.

Wretched man.

The working classes
have got completely out of hand.

We shall never be able to get
them to behave themselves again

when the war's over.

We shall have to get him back,

You know the trouble we had
getting him.

We shall have to bribe him.

How can we? He's got more money
than we have.

Oh, you better run after him,
Connie, and be simply charming.

Well, I'll try.

Oh, so sorry.

We've lost our carpenter.

Oh, hello, Georgi--

The very person we need.

I'm not much good at carpentry,
I'm afraid.

You can be Florence Nightingale.

Is someone ill?

No, no,
in our little performance.

Oh, Lady Prudence,
I couldn't possibly.

Well, I can't act
to save my life,

and I never could learn lines.

Oh, you don't have to.

All you do is just stand there
in a rather dim light

holding a lamp.

Tableau, you see.

But I --

It's all right. He's just gone
to have his dinner.

I gave him 2 shillings and told
him to have some beer with it.

How much
do you suppose beer costs?

-2 pence, dear.
- Oh.

But never mind.

We've found
our Florence Nightingale.

Isn't that wonderful?

I really think that is
the most shocking thing

I've read in the newspaper
since the war began.

Oh, what is, Mr. Hudson?


"Most households have followed
Their Majesties' example

and are practicing
voluntary food rationing.

there are many instances

of servants refusing
to work in households

which practice
voluntary rationing."

Oh, well,
I suppose that is wrong.

It certainly is, Daisy.

But like Eddie says,
I'll keep is part of our wages.

That's as may be,
but we're all in this together.

And I hope the day
will never come

when servants in this country

refuse to do
their patriotic duty.

All right, Ruby,
you can bring it in now.

Oh, you've got something special
for us today,

-have you, Mrs. Bridges?
- Oh, we have indeed, Mr. Hudson.

Oh, I thought you might have
found us a wee rabbit.

Oh, rabbits
seem to have disappeared.

Mm, my driver raises rabbits.
He used to sell them.

But when they put
the controlled price on,

he said it wasn't worth it.

Now he eats them himself.

[ Laughs ]

Well, I'm sure this is --

What is it, Mrs. Bridges?

Win-the-war pie.

Well, that certainly is, uh --

[Spoon clatters]

That certainly is.
[ Chuckles ]

Thank you, Ruby.

Don't we get no vegetables?

RUBY: The vegetables
are all in it.


Thank you, Mr. Hudson.

For what we are
about to receive,

may the Lord
make us truly thankful.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Well, see what you all
think of it.

I don't expect any of you
can guess what's in it.

Scraps of fatted bacon,
leftover vegetables,

stale bread, oatmeal,
and vegetable broth.

All things I would have
thrown out in the normal way.

Oh, I am glad
we went to that lecture.


Now we can all have
a thoroughly wholesome meal

and know that we're doing
our patriotic duty.


PRUDENCE: I suppose a crusader
must wear a breastplate.

PRUDENCE: I suppose a crusader
must wear a breastplate.

We really need this for Antony.

Can't we borrow some armor

from the Tower of London
or somewhere?

It would be rather heavy.

Perhaps if Antony wore
this tunic and had a sword.

We really need a round shield.

Oh, when we was children,
Miss Georgina,

we used to use saucepan lids.

Got some big ones downstairs.

I simply cannot have Antony
saying farewell to Cleopatra

carrying a saucepan lid.

It wouldn't look like
a saucepan lid, my lady.

He could use the copper lid.

What does that look like, Daisy?

Well, it's round --

ROSE: No, saucepan lids
would be better.

Run and fetch them, Rose.

Bring everything that looks like
a shield. Then we can decide.

Daisy, give me a hand with this.

I want it to drape,
and I don't know how to do it.

Ruby, was there any of that
salt brisket of beef left?

Yes, Mrs. Bridges, just a scrap.

Suppose it'd be cheating
to put it in a vegetable pie.

Still, I think
we'll just pop it in.

There were three dumplings left,
as well.

Oh, well, we can
mince them all up together.

ROSE: They want
some saucepan lids upstairs.

Give us a hand, Ruby.

I'm busy.

Ruby, how dare you speak

to your superior in the
household in that tone of voice?

You just remember your place,
my girl.

She's working for me,
Mr. Hudson.

And Rose has no right
to give her orders.

Here, take these.
What's the time?

Oh, Lord, I'm gonna be late.
You'll have to take them up.

And they want the lid of
the copper in the drawing room.

Rose, I can't go upstairs.

A kitchen maid
in the drawing room!

I've never heard
of such a thing.

- You take them, Mr. Hudson.
-[ Bell rings]

Come back here.

Where have you got to, girl?
Come here at once.

Take these.

I'll see
who's at the front door.

But, Mr. Hudson.

Another of the ladies,
I suppose.

Mr. Hudson, she can't --

Prudence, what is all this I
hear about the rape of Belgium?

- Oh, good morning, Duchess.
- Good morning.

Who is this?

Georgina Worsley,
Marjorie Bellamy's niece.

Oh, she won't do
for Belgium, either.

No, no. She's playing
Florence Nightingale.

Oh, too young.

Still, I suppose she'll do.

But I absolutely refuse

to allow Celia Bidlington
to play Belgium.

- We need an innocent, open face.

Celia looks like a ferret.

All those Bidlingtons do.

Belgium must be represented
by a simple peasant girl.

The whole point of the scene

is the contrast between
the gallant British Tommy

and his tender, womanly wife
and the brutal Hun with --

Who's playing the brutal Hun?

Prudence is.

Well, we're rather short of men.

But I thought...


Well, we can keep your back
to the audience.

Just an impression of jackboots
and evil,

and beneath your upraised hand,

innocent and helpless,
a simple country girl,

her face full of terror
and dismay.


All right, now,
when I give the signal,

the curtains should flow
across the stage

with a kind of elegant swish.

And now!

[ Squeaking ]

ROSE: Oh, uh, shall I put a drop
of oil in it, sir?

Anything you can think of.

There, Miss Georgina,
how's that?

Well, Daisy, I'm sure I look
just like the matron at Guys,

and no one ever mistook her
for Florence Nightingale.

Pru, where is everyone?

Well, some of them are coming
this afternoon.

Well, that's useless.

You realize we've never yet

had the whole cast together
at any one time.

Now we really must
all work together

so that the production flows.

Well, at least every part
is cast now.

Well, yes, except --

Georgina, don't you know anyone

who could play
the Crimean soldier?

Um...well, I'm having lunch
with Philip Hanning, so --

Eddie's boy. Excellent.
Bring him along.

But I thought he'd been
sent back to France.

Yes, but he was wounded again.

He's out of hospital now, but --

Well, I know they thought
he might have to lose a leg.

Oh, that doesn't matter at all.

All he has to do is to lie there
and look adoringly up at you.

Oh, dear, if he does that,
I'm sure I shall laugh.

Oh, no, you won't.

When you hear the Duchess'
beautiful words,

you won't even think of it.

Are you in to dinner, Rose?

Yes, I am, worst luck.

Fagots, Mrs. Bridges?

Certainly not!

I've never served fagots
in this household.

Well, they look like fagots.

Meatless rissoles.

How can you make
meatless rissoles?

Onion, oatmeal,
and vegetable broth.

I'd rather have fagots.


Hmm. I'm sure
Mr. Hudson approves,

oatmeal being his national dish.

Yes, Mrs. Bridges, but not
customarily in rissole form.


Potato substitute.

How can you make
potato substitute?

Ground rice, flaked maize,
and milk.

Quite right, Ruby.

But only a little while ago

they was asking us to use
potatoes instead of flour.

Ah, but now there's a shortage
of potatoes.

So they're asking
all the better-off households

to leave them for the poor.

So, now we have another
really patriotic meal,

and full of nourishment, too.

PRUDENCE: That's yours.
Celia, that's yours dear.

Maude, uh, that's --
No. Yes.

Cleopatra's done.

I bicycled all the way
from Piccadilly.

Most invigorating and
much cheaper than an omnibus.

Pleasanter too.

Have you heard about
poor Lady Craven?


She thought
she ought to take an omnibus,

for the sake of economy,
got on at Baker Street,

and sat next to a woman
who smelled awful.

So she said to her, "My good
woman, have you a bath at home?"

And the woman said, "Yes,
but I can't let you use it

'cause there's 10 of us
using it already."

[ Laughs ]

Mavis always was a fool.

Suppose the woman had said,
"No, I haven't a bath.

Can I come and use yours?"

Where would she have been then?

Ah, Gerald,
what are we going to do now?

Well, l thought, Duchess,

we would go through the whole
program in ordinary clothes,

and then tomorrow
we'll have a dress rehearsal.

What is that?

PRUDENCE: A trial performance
in costume, Duchess.

Oh, I see.

And Mrs. Patrick Campbell
is coming

to give us all advice on makeup.

-Is everyone here?
PRUDENCE: Yes, all except --

I'm sorry we're late.

We had lunch at the Queens,
and it took rather a long time.

We didn't have a lot to eat.
It just took a long time.

The waitress had varicose veins,

and Georgina made the mistake
of asking her about them.

We got a bulletin
with every course.

Oh, well, never mind.

Now you are here, you're going
to help us, Philip, aren't you?

Well --

New, you know the duchess
and Lady Constance.

And this is Mr. Gerald Maitland,

who's going to make
our little performance

look quite professional.

[ Squeaking ]

Mrs. Bridges,
they want Ruby upstairs now.

Well, you don't look much,

but still,
I suppose you'll have to do.

I don't want to do it,
Mrs. Bridges.

You'll do as your told, my girl.

And mind, when you get up
into the drawing room,

no showing off in front
of the ladies and gentlemen.

Just say, "Yes, my lady,"
and, "No, my lady."

Yes, Mrs. Bridges.

All right, well,
get along with you.

And pick your feet up.

Ruby in one of their tableaus.

Fancy that.

Be having her
in moving pictures next.

Mr. Hudson, her ladyship said
would you step upstairs, too?

'Cause she wants a word
with you.

GERALD: Now, Major Hanning,
if you would just lie down

on the mattress.

Where's the mattress?

- It's all right. I'll just --
- No, no, there's a blanket.

No, no, no, not like that.

Up on your elbow.

Ah, Miss Worsley,
but where is your lamp?

Oh, my lamp.

No, hold it up a little, please.

Just a little more.

Now take one step back.

No, no, no, we don't want to
have your back to the audience.

Turn a little to your left.

Your left.

- Sorry. I'm really sorry.

That girl doesn't look like
a crusader's wife at all.

More like a foxy dunce.


Uh, yes?

If you would,
just say the words.

Oh. Uh, yes.
Yes, of course.

Uh, "He breathes his last
on Balaclava Height,

-cheered at the end by --
- Heights.

I beg your pardon?

It should be Balaclava Heights,
not Height.

GEORGINA: Well, actually,
it should be Scutari.

The hospital was at Scutari.

It wouldn't rhyme.

Still, if he's in hospital
and Florence Nightingale --

Yes, I really think we must
leave the words to the author.

If you would just pose.

Yes, of course.

And, Major Hanning, would you
look adoringly up at her?

Oh, oh, yes.

Miss Worsley, try to look
sympathetic, full of compassion.


"He breathes his last
on Balaclava Height,

cheered at the end
by one unfailing light.

What though his eyes be dim,
his forehead damp,

-beside him stands the La--"
-[ Both laugh]

No, really, if you can't
take this seriously,

I'm afraid
I have better things to do.

- GEORGINA: I'm terribly sorry.
- PHILIP: I'm awfully sorry.

[Both laughing]

What extraordinary behaviour.

Whatever's the matter
with the man?

Gerald, Gerald!

Oh, dear.

Oh, well, I suppose
he'll come back soon.

Ah, Hudson.

Yes, my lady.

Now, we want to invite you
and all the staff

to attend the dress rehearsal
tomorrow evening.

Thank you, my lady.

And, Hudson?

Yes, my lady.

We need your help.

Now, we're expecting quite a big
audience for the performance,

and we wondered whether you
and all the other servants

would help to show them
to their seats.

Certainly, my lady.
The staff and myself

will be happy to assist
in any way we can.

Oh, good.

Edward will be here, too,
my lady.

Oh, splendid.

Oh, and he'll be in khaki.

Very suitable

since the performance
is in aid of the Red Cross.

Being at the convalescent home,
my lady,

Edward is still
in his blue uniform, but --

Oh, a poor, wounded solider.

[Gasps ] Nothing could be
more appropriate.

And perhaps Rose could wear
her omnibus uniform.

I think not, my lady.

No, perhaps not.

Well, perhaps you, Hudson --

Yes, my lady.

Perhaps you could wear a kilt.

A kilt, my lady?

Oh, I think
it would be simply splendid.

Like the Highland Regiments,
you know.

I do not possess a kilt,
my lady.

Oh, we have one here somewhere.

Yes, I think it's a Black watch
or something.

Begging your ladyship's pardon.

I feel it perhaps might not
be entirely appropriate

as butler here.

Oh, well, yes.

Perhaps you're right, Hudson.
- My lady.

Perhaps they wore kilts
in the Crimea.

So, you're not appearing
yourself, Mr. Hudson?

Mrs. Bridges, no one could
be more anxious than myself

to help the war effort and to
raise money for the Red Cross,

but when Scottish soldiers

are fighting at Passchendaele
and Ypres,

to ask me to masquerade as
a member of a Highland Regiment.

Quite right, Mr. Hudson.

And it wasn't even
the correct tartan.

[ Indistinct conversations]

Come along, everyone.

Though this is
only a dress rehearsal,

let's pretend
it's the real thing.

Now, can we --
Connie, please.

Can we continue?

-[ Conversations stop]
- Thank you.

And curtain.

[ Squeaking ]

The hero of Trafalgar
sinks at last.

Here in the Victory,
all battles past.

Oh, you see that's a little pun
on the word "victory"

because it refers to the ship
and to the battle.

Yes, Duchess.

Go on, please.

- I beg your pardon?
- Would you go on?

Oh. Oh, yes. Uh, shall I
start again at the beginning?

No, no, no, no.

Just go on.

Oh. Uh...

Dying, one sight springs up
before his eyes.

GERALD: Now bring the lights up
very slowly.

His lovely Emma
waving him goodbye.

No, not like that.


Would you bring the lights up
very gradually?

It must be done very slowly.

CONSTANCE: Do we have to wear
this heavy makeup?

- I feel like a clown.
- GERALD: No talking, please.


Would you hold your pose,
Connie, please?

Now, let's see if we can get
the curtains right this time.


[ Squeaking ]

And open again.

-[ Squeaking]
- Applause, applause, applause.

And close.

[ Squeaking ]

And open again.

Applause, applause, applause.

And close.

[ Squeaking ]

Yes, well, it will be better
when we get the orchestra.

[ Indistinct conversations]

Mr. Hudson,
when does Ruby come on?

At the very end, I believe,
Mrs. Bridges.

Oh, a sort of
piéce de résistance.

Or a coup de grace.

Thank you, Daisy.

Are you all right, Eddie?
Not too tired?

Of course not. There's nothing
wrong with me now.

All right.

[Squeaking crowd groans]

He breathes his last
on Balaclava Height,

cheered at the end
by one unfailing light.

What though his eyes be dim,
his forehead damp,

beside him stands
the Lady of the Lamp.

- Oh.
- Very good.

[Applause ]

[ Squeaking ]

EDWARD: Do you want
three curtains, sir?

GERALD: No, no, no.
Onto the finale.

Mr. Hudson, what's the finale?

I fancy it is Ruby.


Oh, uh, my lord.

Oh, no, no, no, no, please.
Please stay where you are.

- Hello, Uncle Richard.
- Hello.

- You know Philip.
- Well, of course.

- How's it going?
- Awful.

We feel absolute idiots.

Oh, yours didn't look too bad.

PHILIP: Wait till you see Lady
Prudence as a German soldier.

Oh, good heavens.

What are you going to say
in your introduction, sir?

My what?

Have you seen the program,
Uncle Richard?


"Tableaux in aid
of the Red Cross,

introduced by the
Viscount Bellamy of Haversh- ♪

Oh, no, now, this is too much.

W-Where's Prudence?

[ Squeaking ]

The rape of Belgium
by the evil Hun

brings to her aid
each gallant British son.

Forgive me, love.
I must to her succor.

I love thee not,
loved I not honour more.

Ah, very good.

Just a minute.
Just a minute.

Belgium, you're not meant
to be smiling.

- I beg your pardon, sir.
- I've told you before.

You're supposed to
look terrified.

- Oh, yes, sir.
- Well, then look it.

You're about to be raped, girl,

Gerald, you're frightening her.

I'm trying to frighten her.

Am I frightening you?

- No, sir.
- God Almighty.

Will nothing make you
look startled and alarmed?

[ Explosion ]

[ Screaming ]

Oh, Mr. Hudson, whatever is it?

It's an air raid, Mrs. Bridges.

[ Screaming ]

Keep calm, everyone!

Keep calm!

Make your way towards the door
and down the stairs.

RICHARD: The safest part
is in the basement.

You lead the way, my lord.

[ Indistinct conversations]

You know the way.

[ Indistinct conversations,
screaming ]

Mrs. Bridges,
would you look out for Ruby?

- Oh, yes.
- Quickly, quickly.

Oh, stop that girl making
that extraordinary noise.

Really, the working classes
have no self-control whatever.

She was in
the Silvertown explosion.

Oh, poor thing.
But somebody should stop her.

This is just the kind of thing
that could cause a panic.

[ Explosions, screaming]


[indistinct talking]

GERALD: We'll get her --
get her downstairs, I think.

MRS. BRIDGES: Come downstairs.
There you are.

Now you're all right.
Go down.

Oh, control yourself, girl!

Control yourself.


Are you all right?

Are you?

Frightened out of my wits.
Otherwise all right.

I think we'd better
go downstairs.

ls there anyone in here?

Someone's hurt.


HUDSON: One of the young ladies,
Miss Georgina.

Cut with broken glass, I fancy.

Do we have a first-aid kit?

Downstairs, Miss Georgina.

Here, I've got you.

HUDSON: Now, you'll be
all right, my dear.

Go carefully now.

Easy as you go now.
Careful, careful.

[Explosions continue]

DUCHESS: [ Laughs ] we're going
into the bowels of the earth.

Oh, where are we all
going to sit?

Uh, excuse me, Your Grace,
I think you'd find it

more comfortable
in the servants' hall.

Oh, thank you so much.

Daisy, have we got any oil lamps

Oh, I know where they are.
I'll get some.

DUCHESS: Oh, there you are,
Connie, Prudence.

Now, come along.
We can sit 'round the table.

What shall we play?
Gibbets or poker?

[ Laughter]

Do you suppose we're safe here?

Oh, they say the basement's
the best place.

We shall all end up by living
in the servants' quarters.

I didn't hear any aeroplanes.

Did you, Richard?

CONSTANCE: I suppose
it was a zeppelin raid.

Well, then why was there
no air-raid warning?

I think there should be
a question asked in the House.

- Yes, I do.
-[ whistle blows]

MAN: Air-raid warning,
air-raid warning!

Oh, well, now we know.

I'll do it, Eddie.

Oh, God.


I'm all right, Daisy.

Let's go in there
under the stairs.

No, I'm all right, Daisy.

But I'm frightened of the bombs.
Please, let's go in there.

We'll be all right in there.
Come on.

They're not bombs, Daisy.
They're guns.

Whatever they are,
I'm frightened of them.

Put your arm 'round me,
and then I'll be all right.

ROSE: Mrs. Bridges.
Ruby all right?

GERALD: You really must try
and pull yourself together.


Ruby, it's all right.

They're guns,
and they're on our side.

- Now, come on.
- You'll be quite safe here.

The poor girl
is quite hysterical.

What can we do to help her?

Now then, Ruby,
that's enough of that.

Come put some kettles on
and help me make the tea.

Yes, Mrs. Bridges.

[ Both laugh ]

There, I think you'll find
that's all right.

It's not a very deep out,
and it's stopped bleeding.

I do hope it won't leave a scar.

So tiresome for evening dress.

Oh, thank you so much.

Really, Prudence, with those
devils raining bombs down on us,

it's too bad of you to sit there
wearing their uniform.

Well, I can't very well
take it off.

You might at least
take the helmet off.

Oh, I expect Prudence thought it
might give her some protection.

Well, exactly.

Oh, well, if you insist.

[ Explosion ]

- Aah!
-[ Laughter]

I'm not nearly as frightened
as I thought I would be.

Such a relief.

I've never been this close
to a raid before,

and one always wonders
how one will behave under fire.

[ Laughter]

I will leave you in charge,
Mrs. Bridges,

under his lordship's command,
of course.

You're never going out in this?

I shall probably not be able
to reach my own headquarters,

but it is my duty to report
to the nearest police station.

No, no, Mr. Hudson.
Don't go outside. It isn't safe.

I am accustomed to being out
in raids, Mrs. Bridges.

I shall be perfectly all right.

Now, don't allow any
of the guests to leave

before the all clear.


How kind.

Aren't you going to have a cup?

I'll have mine later, sir.

Well, have one now.
Sit here and keep me company.

Oh...all right.

Are you frightened?

No, I'm not.

Perhaps I should be,
but I'm not.

You see,
I said you were a heroine.

It innit that, sir.

You see, I've been through quite
a lot of raids on my omnibus,

and, well, I reckon

either you're gonna get it
or you're not.

You're very brave.

And very pretty.

I'm not, sir.

Has no one ever told you
you're pretty?


I'm sure there's
some gallant soldier

looking forward to coming home
to you when the war's over.

Well, I was engaged to be
married, sir, but he was killed.

I'm so sorry.

It's quite all right, sir.

I'm getting used to it.

Perhaps that's the worst of it.

Oh, you must have hated
our charade.

No, I thought it was beautiful.

- Mm?
- Mm.

But not very real.

NO, but I think --


Well, it's difficult
to put into words,

but I think sometimes
it does people good

to see something
that innit too real.

Does it?

Perhaps it does.

Well, I'd best go and see
if anyone wants another cup.

[Explosions continue]

[Breathing heavily]

Are those guns or bombs?

Guns, most of them.

They say most of the casualties

are caused by our shrapnel
than by their bombs.

Perhaps we should
just let them come.

They can
as far as I'm concerned.

Might as well be killed here
in comfort.

I'm only joking.

Are you?

I hate it down here.

Shall we go upstairs?

Yes, let's.

Oh, it might be a bit dangerous.

What does that matter?

Let's go
and see what's going on.


I must say, I'd much rather
be up on the parapet

than down in the dugout.

I suppose I'll be hearing this
in France next week.

But you've been wounded once
and gassed once.

You shouldn't have to go back.

Oh, well, they've only got
so many cards to play.

And they have to
keep on playing them

even if they are
a bit dog-eared.

[ Explosion ]

That was a bomb.

I wonder where it fell.


The trouble is,
every time, you think,

"Oh, well,
I'm still alive this time,"

and each time you think it,
it gets harder to go back again.

You know what I thinks worst?

I have the feeling that all
our friends who have been killed

are only dead for the duration,

that after the war,
they'll all come back again.

But they won't.

My God, look!

It's a zeppelin!

I've never seen one before.

Shall we fetch the others?

Let's enjoy it ourselves.

[Explosions continue]

It's been hit!

Oh, marvellous.

There are men in there.


They did come to drop bombs.


But still, I--

Frizzled to death, poor devils.

All clear!

All clear!

All clear!

Well, we're still alive
this time.

Let's go and dance in the street
to prove it.

Yes, let's.

[ Indistinct conversations]

Suppose there's any chance
of a taxi?

GERALD: You should have brought
your bicycle, Duchess.

Mind where you walk.

DUCHESS: I wouldn't dream
of riding my beloved bike.

There'll be much too much
broken glass about.

Ooh, we'd better come and
collect our clothes tomorrow,

if there's anything left
of them.

Oh, Prudence, you simply cannot

Walk through the streets
like that.

Everyone will think
there's been an invasion.

RICHARD: Here, Prudence,
take my overcoat.

Oh, thank you, Richard.

RICHARD: Connie.

Goodbye, sir.

[ Indistinct conversations]


PRUDENCE: I'm sorry
about the house, Richard.

That's all right, my dear.
I'm sure we can patch it up.

The important thing is that
no one was seriously hurt.

Good night, Lord Bellamy.

Good night, Mr. Maitland.

[ Door closes]

I feel really ashamed of myself,

Whatever for?


It was hearing those guns again.
Took me right back.

- Well, I'm glad.
- Glad?

Well, everything that
happened to you out there,

I-I couldn't share it,

but this, well,
we was in this together.

Daisy, you're the best
little wife a man ever had.

[Both chuckle]

It's just as well Mr. Hudson

didn't see us
all cuddled up in there.

Oh, Mr. Hudson --
What does he know about it?

He's not even in the army.

Ruby, stack up all them cups.

I want them all washed up
before we go to bed.

Oh, Mr. Hudson
should be back soon.

[ Door opens ]

Oh, I think I hear him now.

Oh, Mr. Hudson,
I am pleased to see you.

RUBY: The light's still off,
Mr. Hudson.

- Ah.
-ls there very much damage?

Another bomb fell
at Hyde Park Corner.


Quite a number of people
were killed and injured.

Oh, dear.

They'd left the shelter
before the all clear.

And that was just
when the bomb fell.

Oh. I expect them devils
did it on purpose.

Anyway, you sit down,

and Ruby and I will get you
a nice cup of tea.

Daisy, give Ruby a hand
with them cups.

Yes, Mrs. Bridges.

I'll give you a hand, love.

Oh, that's better.

Mr. Hudson.

Mr. Hudson.

Are you all right?


Mr. Hudson?

Mr. Hudson.

Hey, look, he's been covered
in blood, look.

He's been hit, Daisy.

Quick, go and tell his lordship.

ROSE: I've laid breakfast
in the study.

Miss Georgina ain't stirring,
but the master's up.

Oh, the master said he's gonna
find out which hospital it is.

Don't worry, Mrs. Bridges.

He'd come 'round
before they took him away.

Mrs. Bridges.

Oh, whatever is it now?

Mr. Hudson.

- DAISY: Oh.
- Glad to see you, Mr. Hudson.

- Thank you, Edward.
- How you feeling?

I can't believe it.

Why aren't you in hospital?

Oh, there was no need for that,
Mrs. Bridges.

all the beds were needed

for the more serious casualties.

- Let me help you with your coat.
- Oh, thank you, Edward.

Oh, your poor arm.

Oh, there's nothing wrong
with my arm, Mrs. Bridges.

They just said I should wear
a sling for a week or 10 days

to make sure the bleeding
didn't start up again.

Where exactly was you hurt,
Mr. Hudson?

Oh, it's a graze
from a piece of shrapnel.

Along my ribs,
just below the shoulder blade.

I thought I felt a blow there

when I was helping to get
a woman out of the rubble.

I think you was a real trump

to go on the way you did
after you'd been hurt.

I just did my duty, Edward,
as you have done yours.

Well, now, would you like
some breakfast?

No. No, thank you.
I had something at the hospital.

What are you giving us for
our dinner today, Mrs. Bridges?

Win-the-war pie?


I'm going to ask Rose
to slip 'round to her driver

and get one of his rabbits.

We'll have rabbit stew
for our dinner.

That'll set you up.

[ Chuckles ]

That's right, clear away the
glass, and down there, Daisy.

And then come over here when
you're finished in that area.

Rose told me you were back.

- I'm delighted to see you.
- Oh, thank you, my lord.

Surely you should be in bed?

No, no, my lord,
no need for that.

They said at the hospital that
I had lost rather a lot of blood

and that was why I was overcome.

Well, you must
take things easily.

I shall feel
a great deal better, my lord,

if we can get the house
looking more habitable

before the mistress sees it.

Quite sure Mrs. Bellamy
won't worry too much

about the condition of the house

once she knows
that we are all safe.

Well, if you really
feel fit for it,

perhaps we can go upstairs
and look at the damage

so we can decide what's best
to be done.

Certainly, my lord.
-[ Knock on door]

I'll go, Mr. Hudson.

I think we'd be well advised

to have it all boarded up.

What about...

Mr. Hudson.

It's a telegram.

For the mistress.


"Regret to inform you,

Major the Honorable
J.H. Bellamy MC...

...missing, believed killed."

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