Upstairs, Downstairs (1971–1975): Season 2, Episode 6 - The Property of a Lady - full transcript

There is trouble in the Bellamy household when an ex-soldier, an Irishman by the name of Dooley, appears at 165 Eaton Place asking to see Lady Marjorie. Hudson hustles him out the door but he soon shows up in the mews and tells chauffeur Thomas Watkins that he is in possession of letters Lady Marjorie wrote to her one time lover, the deceased Captain Charles Hammond. He's clearly out to extort money from her and his price eventually rises to £200, with a threat to send the love letters to the Daily Mail if his demands aren't met. The wily Tom Watkins decides to play both sides. He has no intention of letting Dooley get the money and with Sarah's help, devises a clever scheme to ensure that Tom Watkins is the only one who will come out on top. The result that both Lady Marjorie and Richard are beholden to him and his stature in their eyes grows considerably - and Sarah ends up in his bed.

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[ Hoofbeats ]

Uh, excuse -- Uh, would this
be Lady Bellamy's house?

Who would it be, please?
Oh, Mr. Hudson?

Gentleman wanting something.

Yes?

Uh, is this
Lady Bellamy's house?

Mr. Richard and Lady Marjorie
Bellamy reside here.

What is your business, please?

Well, I'll be wanting a few
private words with her ladyship,

if you'd be so good
as to inform her.



Is her ladyship expecting you?

No, no, she'll not
be expecting me at all, no.

- Is she at home?
- Have you an appointment?

I have not, no,
but she'll be glad I came.

Oh, will she?

And what is the nature
of your business?

Well, I, uh --

Well, my name is Michael Dooley,
late of the Indian army.

Invalided out, I was --
a bad stomach.

Her ladyship
has her own arrangements

for contributing
to army charities.

Queen Alexandra's home of rest.

Well, just you tell her ladyship
that I was right through

the northwest frontier
with a friend of hers.



Yes, well, we've heard that one
before, Mr. Dooley.

There is a notice on the area
gate, if you can read it.

It says,
"No circulars nor hawkers."

Get!
Get away with you!

Rose, I thought I told you

to keep the front door shut
in the mornings.

ROSE:
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Hudson.

What was it?
Beggar?

Oh, one of those unwashed
Irish vagrants

claiming to be an old soldier.

Time they were cleared
off the streets by law.

Oh, good morning, Rose.

ROSE:
Good morning, my lady.

Good morning, Sarah.

I do hope you're feeling
a little better.

Oh, yes, much better.
Thank you, my lady.

Now, you mustn't try
and do too much.

Oh, aren't those lovely?

How beautifully
you've arranged them.

Thank you, my lady.
I was wondering,

would you like me to put some
carnations in the motorcar?

MARJORIE: Now, what a good idea.
Yes, by all means, do.

Oh, and would you tell Watkins
that I need the car

-punctually at half past 2:00?
- Yes, my lady.

Flowers in the motorcar.
Whatever next?

Well, it gives
a welcome touch of summer.

Gives a welcome chance to visit
Mr. Watkins, I wouldn't wonder.

Ah, Rose, you've got some
very peculiar ideas at times.

If you're going to the mews,
you can do something for me.

Get the antimacassars
from the back of the car.

I want to send them
to the laundry.

Yes, my lady.

SARAH: ♫ She's only a bird
in a gilded cage ♫

♫ A beautiful sight to see ♫

THOMAS:
Ah, they're lovely, aren't they?

You know, it's a long time since
a woman brought me flowers.

Then it was only my old auntie
when I busted my leg.

- For my buttonhole, are they?
- No.

- For the car.
- Ah, pity.

Well, hang on. I'll get
some water from the tap.

It's not bad, is it, eh?

Quite homely, really,
especially with the flowers.

NOW, I'll do it.

We don't want to get water
on the carpet, do we?

It's like a little room,
innit it, eh?

Our own blinds and everything.

You could live quite comfy
in here.

You, uh -- You never been in
a Rolls-Royce before, have you?

Uh, not particularly.

Yeah, well, look, I tell you
what, why don't I, uh,

take you for a spin in it, eh?

When I go and fill her up
for petrol maybe?

What's this for?

Well, that's the speaking tube,

for -- for when you want to
give orders to the driver, see.

Well, hang on a minute.
I'll show you how it works.

Well, go on, say something.

[ Laughs ]

Wilkins, you stupid fellow,

I thought I told you
to go straight to Gorringes.

Oh, um, s-so you did, my lady.

Sorry.
My mistake.

[ Imitates tires screeching ]

Oh! Look out, you fool.

You nearly
knocked that horse over.

Are you intoxicated, sir?

No, no, teetotal, my lady.

Must be the springtime
in me blood.

Don't be impertinent, sir,

or I shall discharge you
Without a character.

Oh, no, please, my lady.

I don't want to follow me dad
down the mine.

♫ Don't go down the mine, Dad ♫

♫ There's plenty of coal
in the grate ♫

[ Laughs ]

Innit it lovely?

You'll, uh --
You'll think it over, will you,

about going for a spin with me?

Might.

When's your day off, Sarah?

I've heard
that Hampstead Heath's

very nice this time of the year.

You forget yourself,
Mr. Watkins.

I am no longer
a domestic servant,

while you are still
a mere shover.

Oh, yeah. well, what are you
doing now, then?

Taking these to the wash.

And before I forget
to mention it,

Lady Marjorie would like you
with the car

prompt at half past 2:00.

Pbht!

[ Door opens ]

Here, Rose.

ROSE:
You weren't long.

Why, did you think I would be?

- Here, give us hand.
- Mm.

He has got a funny way
of putting things, that Thomas.

He makes you laugh, don't he?

Highly comical.

Don't let him get
his greasy fingers

on them clean antimacassars.

- Thought you liked him.
- Thomas?

He's very clever at getting
on the right side of people,

especially ladies,
is Mr. Watkins.

I know.

All talk and compliments
and that,

while all the time he's got
his eye on the next step.

Looking ahead like,
over your shoulder.

Oh, he'll flirt with you,
so long as it's useful to him.

And then, well...

So you just watch out, Sarah.

And don't keep going over there
wasting his time and yourn.

[ Door opens ]

[ Door opens ]

Uh, might I step inside, sir,
and admire your automobile?

Yes, if you like.

Thanks.

A fine-looking motorcar.

Trouble is,
it shows every scratch.

Still, you ought to be proud to
own a machine the like of that.

It's not mine.
It belongs to my employer.

Oh, I see.

Well, he be a wealthy man.

THOMAS:
Not especially.

Famous, is he?

Tory MP. for Beckenham South,
he is, all right?

Oh, that'll be
Mr. Richard Bellamy.

How do you know that?

Oh, like, I have a cousin living
in his constituency.

Oh, a fine man, so they say.

Undersecretary for the Admiralty
he used to be, yeah.

Oh, is that a fact?
[ Chuckles ]

I was in the --

Oh, sorry.

I was in the army meself.

Just got back from Kabul.

And where's that
when it's at home?

It's on the northwest frontier
of India.

There's always a war
going on there.

[ Laughs ]

Mixed up in that lot, were you?

Yeah, the Khyber Rifles.

Private Michael Dooley --
that's me.

[ Chuckles ]

I was, uh --

I was in the same unit
as Captain Charles Hammond.

Now, that was a man
you could respect.

Well, I can't say
I've ever heard of him.

A friend of your Lady Bellamy's.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

If it wasn't for him,
I wouldn't bother.

I mean, it's no pleasure for me

to have the door slammed
in me face.

Eh, if there's one class
of person I can't be doing with,

it's butlers.

Do I take it you've been
to our front door, number 165?

Yeah. I just wanted a word
with her ladyship, that's all.

You see, I have something
that belongs to her.

And Mr. Hudson shut the door
in your face, did he?

Ah, well.

I was just thinking
that her ladyship

would like her property back,
that's all.

- what property?
- Her letters.

Letters?
- Mm.

And other items,
like, oh, an opera program

and a lace handkerchief a-and
a photograph of her ladyship.

Mementos, you might say.

They must have meant a lot
to Captain Hammond.

Kept them locked in a tin box,
he did,

along with his decorations.

How come you, uh --
you got hold of them, then?

- Hmm?
- Oh, I was his batman, you see.

Ah, like brothers we were,
fighting side by side

with the Afridis coming at us
through the Khyber Pass,

yelling their heathen cries.

I'm proud to say I polished off
the one that got the captain.

Got him?

You mean this, uh --
this Captain Hammond is, uh --

He's dead, is he?

A knife,
straight through the liver.

-[ Exhales sharply]
- Oh, he never suffered.

I think -- I think her ladyship
would like to know that.

Now, hang on a minute.

Now, when --
when an officer dies,

they -- they send his stuff
home, don't they?

I-I mean,
to his relatives I mean.

Uh, true, that is
the usual practice, yes.

How the hell
do you come to get them?

Well, you see, like I, uh --

I felt that I still had a duty
towards the deceased.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Now, the captain often
used to talk to me

about his wedded sister
living in Cheltenham.

Oh, very fond of her he was,
very fond.

And I was afraid that she'd
got enough of a shock as it was

hearing about
the captain's death, you know,

Without discovering
from the letters

that he had been canoodling
with a married woman,

and her the wife of a Tory MP.
at that.

Do you follow me?

Look, you know
what you should have done

with those letters, don't you?

Burnt them.

To ashes, the lot of them.

Well, it occurred to me

that her ladyship might prefer
to have them back.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Women can be very sentimental
about such things, you know.

Yeah, well, look, I, uh --
I tell you what, Mr. Dooley.

You give me those letters,

and I'll make sure
she gets them back, all right?

Uh, no, no.

No, I don't think
that'd be very proper.

No, I tell you what.

You have a word
with her ladyship

and, uh, tell her
the circumstances

and arrange for her
to receive me, huh?

[ Scoffs ]

And if there's any question of
a reward, I'll see you right.

Now, I can't say fairer
than that, now, can I?

A reward?

What sort of, uh, reward
were you thinking of?

£100.

£100?

You all right in the top story,
are you?

No letters are worth £100.

These ones are.

And they're for sale only.

Do you know what I think,
Mr. Dooley?

What?

- I think you made all this up.
- Make what up?

All this about Captain Hammond.

Now, you just stay
where you are, Taffy,

and I'll show you a sample
of my wares.

There.

There's one.

See?

And I have a whole bundle
tucked away.

[Sarah singing in distance]

Yeah, well, I'll tell you what.
I'll, uh --

I'll find out what I can,
and, uh,

you -- you come back
later tonight, okay?

All right, sir.
Right, yeah.

Uh, good morning, miss.

- It's a grand day, thank God.
SARAH: Yes.

Who's that?

THOMAS: Oh, he just --
he just popped in

to have a look at the car,
that's all.

You, uh -- You thought any more

about spending your day off
with me, have you?

Might.

If her ladyship can spare you.

Well, what's that
supposed to mean?

Well, I wonder if she'd
go out driving quite so often

if her chauffeur was
65 years old with curly teeth.

The rest of the staff

think she's taken quite a shine
to you.

- who, her ladyship?
- Mm.

Never.

Well, why else did she give
that rise last month?

Well, for my, uh,
outstanding presentability

and all-'round skill.

That's roughly what I thought.

Do you know, it reminds me a bit
of Ada Liversedge.

- Ada Liversedge?
- Mm.

She was on the bill with me
at the Oxton Empire.

Monologues and refined juggling.
Lovely act.

Proper Lady Muck she was.
Butter wouldn't melt.

Well, one night
we come in early,

and we found her in the pipe
room with the theatre fireman.

It was the uniform, you see,
all them buttons.

So you better watch out, my boy.

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, well,
you don't have to worry, Sarah.

You do what you like.
It's no skin off my nose.

I can't see a lady of quality

losing her head
over one of her own servants.

Oh, they do sometimes,
so I've heard tell.

Quite grand ladies.

Have you ever heard tell
of Lady Marjorie

going off the rails?

How should I know?

Oh, it's just that
I thought you knew

most of what went on
in this house, that's all.

What you being so helpful
all of a sudden for, eh?

SARAH:
Oh, it's just an excuse

to come and talk to you,
really, Rose.

It seems goodness knows how long
since we had a chat.

Not much to chat about anymore.
You got your life. I got mine.

Rose.
- well, it's true.

I don't know how to --

I don't know where I am
with you no more.

Sometimes I think I was
better off in the old days

when you and me used to
share that room together.

Do you remember we used to
lie awake at night

and talk about all the things
we was gonna do?

Yeah, well, you did one or two
of them, didn't you?

Yes.

Oh, well, it is better
to have loved and lost

than never to have loved at all.

What's that supposed to mean?

I daresay you got that much
out of...all that.

Memories, Rose, memories.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I wasn't out out for
the humdrum bonds of marriage.

Do you see me washing
some fella's socks

and wiping his children's
runny noses?

No, I can't,
not now you mention it.

But just 'cause
you don't fancy it

don't mean to say
it's not a good idea.

Oh, you'd like it, wouldn't you?

Yes, I would.

Only I don't seem to get
no offers.

- Give us your hand.
- what for?

Come on.
I might be able to see.

Well, you've got nothing
to worry about, have you?

See, it's all there,
clear as daylight.

See all them little lines?

Yeah.
What are they?

Children, Rose.

- Mm?
- Yes.

One a year till 1920.

Oh, poo.

If the first one's a girl, will
you call her Sarah after me?

'Course I will.

You can be godmother
if you like.

I would.

The nearest I'll ever get
to having one of me own.

Don't say that.
I'm sure you'll find somebody.

Thought I had.

Captain James? Oh, Sarah,
you didn't really think --

I did, Rose, really.

Oh, I know he's a bit
of a philanderer,

but I thought he'd settle down
like his father.

Now, that's what I call
an ideal marriage.

Years of wedded bliss,
them two upstairs,

and bet in all that time, she's
never looked at another fella.

What makes you so sure?

Well she's not the type, is she?

Looks can lie sometimes.

What do you mean, Rose?

Well, between you, me,
and the gatepost,

Lady Marjorie's
had her little moments.

Only it's not to go
beyond these four walls.

Little moments?
Lady Marjorie?

Do you mean another gentleman?

Mm. It must have been
when you was away.

You could almost say she cast
her bonnet over a windmill.

Who with, Rose?

Well, go on, tell me.

You swear you won't breathe
a word to a living soul?

I cross my heart.
Now tell.

Well, he was in the army,
same as Captain James,

a couple of years older maybe.

Blue eyes,
ever so romantic-looking.

Younger than her ladyship,
of course.

Well, Captain James brought him
to the house one evening.

Her ladyship took one look
at him, and she was done for.

[Chuckles] It sounds like
one of them magazine stories

that Mrs. Bridges says
is only fit for scullery maids.

Be that as it may,

Miss Roberts always said
they fell in love at the opera.

Soft music, dimming lights.

Mm.

Did the master know?

'Course not, silly,
but we all did belowstairs.

See, this Captain Hammond,
he was on leave from India,

and he'd taken rooms
in Ebury Street.

She used to go there
in the afternoon.

Mrs. Bridges saw her.

She saw her coming out all
felled and mysterious-looking,

so we knew something was up.

He used to send her flowers
every day

with bits of poetry attached,

and she used to write him
billet-doux.

How do you know?

Um, well...

the blotter in her boudoir.

We used to hold it
up against the mirror.

You could see the writing
ever so clearly.

How long ago was all this?

About three years.

And, uh, how did --
how did it end, then?

Well, this Captain Hammond
went back to India

and got killed in action.

Uh, Mr. Hudson read about it
in the paper.

Rose said they was all
dreadfully upset downstairs

when he read it out.

And she said Lady Marjorie went
around looking all pale and sad.

So that was that.

Nothing to show for her romance
but a few fading memories.

All gone, all forgotten.

Not a lock of hair,
a photograph,

or even a packet
of love letters.

That's what Rose said.

Shame, isn't it?

Watkins,
why are we stopping here?

I beg your pardon, my lady,

but I've got something
most important to say to you.

Surely you can wait.

I tell you, I must get to
the jewellers, or they won't --

What on earth
do you think you're doing?

I'm sorry, my lady,

but, uh, there's no other way
of speaking to you in private.

You see, there's an individual,
Irish I think,

trying to wheedle some money
out of you.

What do you mean, Watkins?
A tradesman of some kind?

Uh, no, my lady,
um, an old soldier.

That -- That's what he says.

He saw service in India,
so he says.

I'm sure you had
a most interesting conversation,

but I don't want to
hear about it.

Now, will you please take me
to the jewellers as I asked you?

My lady, this man has
in his possession some letters.

Letters?

Written by your good self,
I understand.

T-They are signed, so the man
claims, by your ladyship

and -- and coming
from Eaton Place.

And to whom does he say
they are written, these letters?

To someone by the name
of Captain Hammond, my lady.

Well, I hardly think
that my correspondence

with Captain Hammond
would be of interest to anyone.

He was merely an acquaintance
of my son's

who came to the house
on various occasions.

Oh, yes.

Yes, I see, my lady.

MARJORIE:
I seem to remember reading

that he was killed
on active service.

Uh, yeah, that's right, my lady.
Uh...

Uh, this man Dooley
was with him when he died.

Dooley?

A brother officer
of Captain Hammond's?

No, he was the -- he was
the captain's batman, my lady.

I see.

That -- That's how he'd come

to be in possession
of the letters, see.

And you say this batman

is asking for money
in exchange for the letters?

Uh, yes.
Yes, my lady.

I, uh -- I-I thought I ought to
make the position clear.

I hope you don't -- you don't
mind me mentioning it, my lady.

No, you did quite right,
Watkins.

Tell me, did any of
the other servants see this man?

Uh, no.
No, my lady.

Uh, Mr. Hudson shut the door
in his face

without asking what he wanted,

and, uh, he came 'round
to the mews

to try and make himself
agreeable to me.

Yes, I see.

Watkins,
I think it might be as well

if you didn't mention him
to anyone.

Very good, my lady.

I suppose it's simply that he --
he expects some sort of reward

in return for lost property.

That's right, my lady -- £200.

£200?

That's a great deal of money.

Yes, that's --
that's what I told him, my lady.

When will you
be seeing him again?

Well, he's -- he's coming back
later this evening.

Would you like to speak to him
yourself, my lady?

Uh, no, no, I don't think
that'll be necessary,

as you seem to have
involved yourself in all this.

Well, that was no choice
of mine, my lady.

The question is how to raise
such a large sum of money

in so short a time.

Shall I drive you to the bank,
my lady?

No.

No, I-l don't want to go
to my bank.

Um...Watkins,
a-are there not establishments

Where it's possible
to raise a loan

on the security
of some possession?

MARJORIE: You can
leave that here, Watkins.

I'll get Hudson
to have it sent up later.

Very good, my lady.

Oh, and I shan't need the car
again today, thank you.

THOMAS:
Very good, my lady.

RICHARD:
There you are, my dear.

Psst.

What happened?

She was pretty shaken,
I can tell you.

- Turned quite pale, she did.
- Yeah, I told you it was true.

Rose wouldn't make up
a thing like that.

She had to pop a necklace
so the master wouldn't find out.

I got the money.

- How much?
- Never you mind.

Tea's ready belowstairs.

I'll have to, uh --
have to put the car away.

Oh, hang on a minute.

Give us a kiss.

Not in here.

Later.

Thank you, Rose.

Marjorie.

You look worried, my dear.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- Anything the matter?
- No, not really.

I was just thinking
about various things.

James.
James?

Well, wondering
Whether his regiment

might be in action one day.

I worry about him.

Things are quiet
on the northwest frontier

-at the moment.
- That's good.

There's been no trouble
out there since the fighting

with the Afridis last year

when they had a number
of casualties

in the, um -- the Khyber Rifles.

That's all right, then.

[Knock on door]

Who is it?

It's me -- Dooley.

THOMAS: Come upstairs.
It's more private.

And mind your head.

MICHAEL:
No, thanks.

Had a word with her ladyship,
have you?

Uh, yes.
Yes, I have.

I bet it was quite a shock
for her, the poor soul,

discovering that her little
indiscretion had come to light.

Thought she'd
got away with it, huh?

No, I don't think
she thought that.

What do you mean?

Well, it -- it wasn't
such a dark and guilty secret

as you imagined, see.

Well, it ought to be.

A married woman carrying on like
that, and her in high society.

Aye, well, I don't think they
pay a great deal of attention

to that sort of thing
in high society.

- I mean, not nowadays.
- well, they damn well ought to.

Mm.

Are you telling me

that her misbehavior
was common knowledge?

Oh, no, no, but I, uh --
I, uh --

I think she made a clean breast
of it, so I hear.

To her husband?

Your letters won't tell him

anything
he doesn't know already.

- Huh?
- Yeah, I'm sorry, Mr. Dooley.

You seem to have been
under a misapprehension.

Yeah, those -- those letters are
a lot of useless rubbish, man.

Oh, I wouldn't be too sure
about that.

Now, listen, she, uh --

she did say she'd give you
a fiver for them.

-[ Scoffs ]
- She'd like the photograph, see.

Now, that's only
in the way of charity, man.

Upper crust, indeed.

I wouldn't give you twopence
for the lot of them.

Mm.

Aye, well, never mind
the twopence, Mr. Dooley.

Do you want a fiver or not?

Fiver?

Huh.

Come to think of it,

maybe there is such a thing
as a public duty.

- Public duty?
- Mm.

Maybe the public
has a right to know

the way their betters
behave themselves

in the privacy
of their wealthy homes.

Well, I don't think it's any
of their business, Mr. Dooley.

I mean, not --
not the ordinary commoner.

And who elected
Mr. Richard Bellamy

into parliament,
will you tell me that?

The ordinary,
honest working man.

That's who put him up there
in westminster.

Yeah, well, I think
they're mostly bank clerks

in Beckenham, Mr. Dooley.

Yeah, well, maybe they are,

but are they going to vote for
a man who upholds immorality?

Oh no, my lad, I'll soon put
a stop to that, you'll see.

No, I d-- I don't see,
Mr. Dooley.

Now, what are you
gonna do about it?

Stand on street corners

giving the letters
to anyone passing by, is it?

Not at all, no.

There are those who put these
facts into print for all to see.

Lord Northcliffe,
to name but one.

Now, there's a man with
a strong sense of public duty.

And it's just the stuff
for the Daily Mail.

- You think so, do you?
- I do.

And I'll tell you
something else.

I'll get myself a tidy sum
for them letters

when I offer them
to a newspaper.

A newspaper?

Oh, well, that's --
that's different, isn't it?

'Tis, Taffy, isn't it?

It's different now.

Yeah, well, I tell you what.

I'll -- I'll give you the £100
on behalf of her ladyship.

Well, you lying welsh bastard.

Oh, yeah.

I'm sure we can do better
than £100 now, Taffy.

£200.

She'll never pay £200.

Well, then you'll only have to
go to your master, won't you?

After all,
he is a member of parliament.

He won't want this sort of stuff

to be going into the newspapers,
now, will he?

200 quid, Taffy.

That's my price.

HUDSON: You did quite right
to inform me, Mr. Watkins.

Well, I-l felt it was my --
my duty, Mr. Hudson.

[ Chuckles ]

Those letters
are undoubtedly forgeries.

I could tell that the man

who came 'round to your mews
after I'd shown him the door

was nothing more
than a common impostor,

someone who'd obviously
taken the trouble

to look up the family
in Debrett's peerage.

Oh. Oh, yes.
Yes, I see, Mr. Hudson.

And to make up
some cock-and-bull story

about her ladyship and --
and some army officer called,

-oh, whatever it was.
Captain Hammond.

Quite.

London is full of such people,
Mr. Watkins.

Confidence tricksters, no less.

Well, I-I'm only pleased
that there's no truth

in -- in what this man Dooley
says, Mr. Hudson.

You can put the matter
right out of your head, Thomas.

Well, thank you.
Thank you very much, Mr. Hudson.

Now get on with your work.

[ Door opens ]

Uh, Mr. Watkins?

But, Hudson, you've been
in this house long enough

to know that there's nothing
involving her ladyship

that even Lord Northcliffe
could turn into a scandal.

Oh, nothing at all, sir.

I just felt that you'd wish
to be informed

about this man's absurd claims.

That's right.

He's probably got hold of
letters written by her ladyship

-to -- to some relative.
- Quite so, sir.

Affectionate
but entirely innocent.

I'm sure you're right, sir.

On the other hand, sir,

one gathers that the wording
of the letters

renders them open to some,
uh, misrepresentation.

I'm sure it does.

The most harmless correspondence
can be twisted in some way.

People are always ready
to believe the worst.

That's very true, sir.

Do you know to whom my wife

is supposed to have addressed
these letters?

I don't think there's
anything to be gained

by repeating slander, sir.

No, I see that.

All the same,
presumably the innuendo is

that her ladyship has had
an illicit liaison of some kind.

I can't get the light to it

unless I know
who the fellow's meant to be.

- You do see my point?
- Oh, quite, sir.

Where's Watkins now?

I've asked him to wait outside
in the hall, sir.

- Send him in.
- Very good, sir.

[ Door opens ]

Uh, Mr. Watkins.

[ Footsteps approach ]

Oh, come in, Watkins.

Uh, Hudson tells me a man
has approached you in the mews

with some proposition or other.

Uh, yes, sir.

I, uh -- I hope you don't think
I did wrong to mention it, sir.

Oh, no, no, no,
you were absolutely right.

I'm glad to see you have the
same spirit of responsibility

as the other servants
in this house.

- All right, Hudson.
- I beg your pardon, sir.

I feel I ought to remain
since Mr. Watkins --

I take your point, Hudson,
but I don't need you.

- That'll be all.
- Very good, sir.

[ Door closes]

RICHARD: In the ordinary way,
I'd have no compunction

in handing this man
over to the police.

Uh, but since my wife's honour
is being challenged,

I intend to proceed
more delicately.

You understand what I mean,
don't you?

Yes, sir.

I do not intend to allow my wife
to be in any way upset.

No.
Oh, no, sir.

You haven't, of course, said
anything to her about this man?

Well, how -- how could you think
I'd do a thing like that, sir?

Quite.

Well, since you've shown such
excellent discretion so far,

may I rely on your discretion
a little further?

Naturally, sir.

When you see this man again,

I want you to find out
exactly what he wants.

Well, I've already
done that, sir.

Did Mr. Hudson not tell you?

He merely informed me that a man

claiming to possess certain
letters signed by her ladyship

had called 'round at the garage.

Hudson is under the impression
the man is a harmless impostor.

Quite frankly, I'd rather leave
Hudson with that impression.

Quite, sir.

How much is this man asking
for the letters?

£200.

Ah.

That's a great deal
of money, sir.

Well, if it's a question
of keeping her ladyship

in ignorance
of such a distasteful affair,

I'd gladly pay 10 times as much.

Well, I'm glad
to hear you say that, sir.

Now, if I, uh, do negotiate
with this man,

will he keep his side
of the bargain?

You leave that to me, sir.
I'll make sure that he does.

Very well, Watkins.

I hereby instruct you
to buy back those letters,

whatever they may contain,

Without
her ladyship's knowledge.

As man to man, can I trust you?

You can, sir.

Thank you, Watkins.

MICHAEL: Uh, is it all right
if I come in?

[ Door closes]

Have you spoken to his nibs?

No, no, I haven't.

The price is £200 now, Taffy,
and don't you forget it.

- Your price has been agreed.
- Oh, I thought so.

Her ladyship has decided
to pay all of it.

After all,
what's a couple of hundred quid

to such a wealthy woman?

A drop in the ocean, innit it?

[ Laughs ]

Well, come on, come on.

Let's see the colour
of your money.

Oh, now, just a minute,
Mr. Dooley.

Now, you -- you wouldn't expect
my mistress, a lady of quality,

to trust me with £200
in bank notes, would you?

I mean, me a chauffeur,
a simple servant?

No.

I wouldn't trust you
with a baby's rattle meself.

Her ladyship wishes to receive
the letters from you personally.

Oh, does she indeed?

She also would like to hand over
the money to you herself.

I-I am merely the ago-between.

Look, I'll not wait much longer.
Now, I'm warning you.

You won't have to, Mr. Dooley.

The transaction
can take place tonight.

Where?

Well, there'll have to be
a secret meeting place,

-won't there?
- In the park, maybe?

Now, you wouldn't expect
my mistress

to wait under a tree
in Hyde Park, would you?

No, no.

I mean, somebody might come by
and recognize her, isn't it?

So, I'll -- I'll come
to her room, will I?

You come to the garage
here tonight at 11:00.

Now, I'll leave that small door
open for you.

And then what?

Well, I'll be driving
her ladyship home tonight

about 11:30 or thereabouts.

Now, with her permission, I'll
drive straight into the garage,

and if I close those big doors,

you can conduct your business
in the back of the car,

and nobody
will disturb you, see.

You know, Taffy,
I like that idea.

[ Chuckles ]
I like it very much.

In the back of the Rolls
tonight,

me and Lady Marjorie, huh?

[ Chuckles ]

I'll be here, Taffy.
I'll be here.

[ Hoofbeats ]

[ Hoofbeats ]

[Vehicle approaches]

All right?

In the back of the car, please,
Mr. Dooley.

Private Michael Dooley, my lady.

May I wish you the compliments
of the season, my lady?

In the car, please.

It's very kind of your ladyship

to receive me personally
in your motorcar.

There was little alternative
since I am not accustomed

to receiving common soldiers
in my drawing room.

Well, I may be a common soldier,
my lady,

but I have to earn a living.

Times are very hard, you know.

[indistinct talking]

Seven years serving His Majesty
and not even a gratuity.

So you resort to blackmail.

Well, there's no need
to be insulting.

A woman in your position
shouldn't behave like that.

It's not right.

Don't you want common people
to respect you?

Not particularly, Mr. Dooley.

Oh, yeah, well, I can't sit here
all night arguing.

Are you going to pay up
or aren't you?

First I must be sure if you are
who you pretend to be.

Show me your discharge papers.

I-I don't carry them
around with me.

Then you're not like
any old solider I ever heard of.

Wilkins,
can we trust this fellow?

Well, that's --
that's up to you, my lady.

How do I know that you were
a friend of Captain Hammond's?

I was his batman, wasn't I?

Were you?
I don't know.

Well, I can prove it.

He had a mole on his left cheek.
Now, you'd remember that.

Ah, yes.

Poor Charles and his mole.

I remember once I --

I beg your pardon, my lady,
but I-l think we ought to

be getting on
with the transaction now.

Not until I've told Mr. Dooley
exactly what I think of him.

Are you not ashamed to batten
upon the frailty of a woman?

- You scoundrel.
- who you talking to?

SARAH:
Stinking blather --

The, uh --
the transaction, my lady.

Yes.

Yes, yes, quite right, Wilkins.

Uh, let us conduct this affair
in a civilized fashion.

I apologize.

Offer Mr. Dooley
some refreshment.

Very good, my lady.

Come here, man.

Now, you can drink
to her ladyship's health

and the conclusion
of our successful negotiations.

Oh, I'll do that.
Thanks.

Ahh.

Now you may give me my letters,
may you not, Mr. Dooley?

Oh, with pleasure, me lady.

There.

Can you remember them?

Ah, yes, immediately.

The sight of them upsets me.

Now, I'll -- I'll take the money
first, my lady, if you please.

Wilkins,
give Mr. Dooley his money,

and let us end
this painful ceremony.

THOMAS:
Very good, my lady.

Mr. Dooley.

£5, £10, £15, £20..

[Groaning]

Have I killed him?

I think you have.
What you got in that bag?

Only a brick.

It's all right.
He's breathing steady.

Well, get them letters.

You take good care of them, now.

Hang on to him there, will you?

There we are, my old son.

[Groaning]

That's right, my old son.

Now, then...

Go and see
if the coast is clear.

Up we get, son.
That's it.

Now, then, listen,

we're gonna put you
where you belong, isn't you --

-in the gutter, isn't you?
-[ Groans ]

Shh. That's me old solider.
Come on, then.

Oh, you've lost your hat.

There you are, man.

Now, then, on the way through
to my room, and be quiet.

Shh.
There you are.

Shh.

[ Footsteps ]

Everything all right?

Well, we bumped into a policeman

at the corner
of Elizabeth Street.

I-I told him I'd picked Dooley
out of the gutter,

and he's taken him in charge
as drunk and disorderly.

SARAH:
[ Laughs ]

Do you know what?

You're very clever, Mr. Wilkins.

Watkins, my lady.

SARAH:
That's all settled, then?

THOMAS:
That's right.

All settled.

There's more than 100 quid
in there.

I know.
There's 400 quid in there.

- where'd you get the rest from?
-200 from her and 200 from him.

- who?
- The master.

- what for?
- For his share of the letters.

Yes, but I thought Lady Marjorie
popped her necklace for £100

so that she could
buy the letters back.

She'll get them back --
some of them.

Some of them?
Well, what about him?

He'll get the rest for his share
of the money, won't he?

Oh, I see.

And Mr. Thomas Watkins makes
himself a nice, fat, juicy £200

from each of them
for half the letters.

Well, a man's entitled
to -- to a fee

for handling
such delicate negotiations.

- Not the bloody lot!
- A commission, you might say.

Now, look, I come here tonight
'cause I thought

you was gonna help
Lady Marjorie, not diddle her.

This family's been very good
to me,

and I'm not gonna let them think
I was involved in this.

You give the money back,
or I'll tell them.

What did you say?

You heard.

Now, look,

do you think Dooley's gonna
let you get away with this?

And why wouldn't he?

Well, he's not gonna be very
pleased when he wakes up in jail

and works out
what you done to him.

I thought of that. He won't
say anything to the police.

He's a blackmailer himself.

Don't you think
he's gonna find a way

of letting Lady Marjorie know
you was in on this?

Come on.

Where you gonna be then, eh?
Sunk.

No job, jail, and all for £400.

If you're gonna do them,
do them for something big.

Give me those letters.

Well?

Clear off.

I've got some thinking to do.

Watkins wishes
to speak to you, sir.

Oh, does he?

Come in, Watkins.

[ Footsteps approach ]

What is it?

Thank you, Hudson.

Very good, sir.

RICHARD; well?

I've carried out
your instructions, sir.

Have you got those letters?

I have, sir.

And we won't be hearing
from Mr. Dooley again, I think.

There you are, sir,
all seven of them.

Thank you.

Hand me those matches, please,
Watkins.

Yes, sir.

Oh, thank you.

What have you got there?

200 Jimmy O'Goblin, sir.

What you give me.

Well, how on earth --

Well, I uh --

I-I-I didn't like
to see a man like that

profit from his villainy, sir,

so I-l took it upon myself
to play a trick on him.

Under the circumstances,

I thought it was
quite justified, sir.

It was very successful.

Well, I won't ask you
how you managed it, Watkins,

but let me say at once
I am very much in your debt.

Thank you very much, sir.

Will that be all, sir?

No, Watkins.
There's one more thing.

I'd like to show you how much
I appreciate your honesty.

Some servants in your position,
being entrusted with £200,

would have made up
some cock-and-bull story

and pocketed the lot.

Oh, well, we don't go in
for that sort of thing

in the valley, sir.

I-I mean, I-l was brought up
very strict.

My father was an elder
of the chapel, see.

Yes, quite.

So I am giving you £10
to spend in any way you choose.

Of course,
if you'd like to invest it,

don't hesitate
to ask me for advice.

Oh, well, thank you.
Thank you very much, sir.

- I - I am most grateful.
- Ah.

Whatever you do,

don't say anything about this
to her ladyship.

THOMAS:
So, there you are, my lady.

There's your £200 back.

Thank you, Watkins.

I am very grateful to you.

And I'd like to give you a
little reward for your trouble.

I believe the usual thing for
the return of stolen property

is 10%, so will you
please accept £20?

Oh, no.

No, I-l couldn't, my lady.

Yes, of course you could,
Watkins.

Well, thank you very much,
my lady.

And you'll keep those letters
safe and sound now, won't you?

Yes, I will.

Where to now, my lady?

Well, I suppose we'd better
go back to that odious pawnshop

and retrieve my necklace.

And then home.

Very good, my lady.

So it's all cleared up, is it,

the matter of the Irishman
and the letters?

Oh, t-that matter?
Uh...

Yes, I-l think so, Mr. Hudson.

Well, he hasn't been back
to the mews again.

In other words, the whole affair
was indeed a shocking attempt

to extort money
from her ladyship

for some nonexistent letters,
as I thought, then?

Yes.
Yes, that's right, Mr. Hudson.

And the master endorsed
my instructing you

to ignore the matter
unless the man came back?

Yes.
Quite, quite.

Then the matter is closed,
Mr. Watkins,

and need not, indeed should not,
be mentioned again.

Very good, Mr. Hudson.

You'd better go and put the car
away, Mr. Watkins.

[ Door closes]

THOMAS:
What are you doing here, then?

Have you done it?

I've given the letters
and all the money

back to the people concerned,
yes.

- All the money?
- Mm.

What? And not kept nothing for
yourself, not even a few bob?

Well, that's not fair,

considering all the work
you done.

Well, I-I-I have made something.

- How much?
- I d-- I didn't ask for it.

They, uh --
They both gave me a bit.

N-Not much.

Here you are.
Here's your half.

£3.
Oh, thanks, Tom.

I suppose they both trusted you,
and you didn't let them down.

Did you honestly think I would?

You did, didn't you?

I like to think I made an honest
man out of you, Mr. Wilkins.

Watkins, my lady.

Give us a kiss.

Well, help yourself.

RICHARD:
Ah, there you are.

You shouldn't have waited
for tea.

I've been shopping.

RICHARD: well, so have I.
I bought you a small gift.

Nothing really,
just a little ornament.

Richard, how sweet of you.

- And how strange.
- Strange?

Well, I bought something
for you, too.

It's only a cigar cutter
to replace the one you lost.

Oh.

Oh, my dear,
how thoughtful of you.

Thank you.

Some money I thought I'd spent
wasn't spent after all,

so I decided to buy my husband
something with it.

And I, too, made a wise
investment, so, um --

Oh, Richard, that's lovely.

Oh, it's -- it's beautiful.

I shall keep it
on my dressing table.

Now, how about some tea?

MARJORIE: Yes, I hadn't realized
how late it was.

I'm afraid I've kept Watkins
from his tea.

He won't mind.
He's a good fellow.

I've changed my opinion of him
lately.

I'm glad.

You're quite right.
He's a good chauffeur.

He's smooth and reliable.

- He's very trustworthy.
- Yes.

Do you think we might
increase his wages a little?

I've already done so.

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