Upload (2020–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Robin Hood - full transcript

You're gonna love
my new place.

I got a sweet deal because
the previous occupant died

and no one found him
till he liquefied.

Mm. Can we talk
about my interview?

Because my résumé says I have
experience in game design.

Yeah, I know. I wrote it.

Yeah, but Horizen knows

I only have experience
in customer service.

So how am I supposed to fake...

Shorty, you're
not gonna get the job.

Don't call me that.



We're just trying
to get you on the IT floor

so you can drop
a few Ring Drives around.

Somebody picks one up,
plugs it in,

we get access.

Easy peasy.

I think I'd be good at design.

Chillax. Oh, my God.

You want me to lower the seats
into sleep mode?

Oh, God. God, no.

It's gonna be hard to chillax
like this.

It was
a crazy party, Mom.

Yeah, everyone's food
was totally customized.

David Choak gets off
on eating exotic things,

and his dessert was some fruit



that went extinct
with the dinosaurs.

But... Mom, enough about me.
How are you doing?

Well...

The rent was due again
and I didn't have it.

Oh, God.

Listen to me, I'm sorry, Mom.

I don't know
what I'm gonna do.

Well, should I talk to Ingrid
about a loan?

No. Can we not have this
conversation in front of...?

Oh. Uh, yeah.
She's not paying attention.

I never really got it until we
started living together, but...

she just kind of zones out
a lot.

You are
coming down with a UTI.

Hug Suit suggested usage
is maximum six hours daily.

Okay, Mom. Don't lecture me.

You're a toilet.
Okay? You're...

You're a fucking toilet.

The lowest of the low.

I'd send you money, Mom, but...

I still can't work here.
It's illegal.

I have an idea for your mom.

The gig economy.

Yeah. Errand Hamsters
or Job Gerbils

make two percent on orders,
plus tips, sometimes.

Tip-Tips all the time. Right?

No. Yeah, of course.
For exceptional service.

What does a Job Gerbil do
exactly?

Uh, pick stuff up
and bring it to you.

Like a golden retriever?

Golden Retriever? Uh...

Oof. Viv.

I doubt that you could get hired
by Golden Retriever.

They are very selective.

Start with Gerbil.

My mom's flat broke.
She could lose the apartment.

- Crab legs.
- Ooh. Yes, please.

Kannerman owes me money for my
code, but if I ask him for it,

- he'll know
I got my memories back.
- Mm.

I made a deal with the devil.

- Can't even get paid.
- Yeah.

Wish I could help, man.

I'm broke, too.
My Purple Heart Grant

only covers room and board.

We need to make some money.

Tell me about it.

Can't even sell our blood
down here.

What's up, Yang?

Never noticed these little
windows in 2Gigs before.

Oh, they're new.

We're supposed to drool
at the luxuries

and get our relatives
to upgrade us.

That's cruel. Here.

Have an éclair.

Oh.

- Ow!
- Thanks for trying.

I just wanted a peek
before my data ran out.

Wake me up when Freeyond opens,
right?

That's so unfair.

You're gonna be stored
on a backup drive

while these guys sit around
with more data

than they could use
in a lifetime?

Hey, waiter.

I've had Indian,
green and Congo.

I need the next peacock.

I'm sorry, sir,

but you've already tried
every type of peacock.

Well, what's next?

Um...

Bring me a penguin.

P... Penguin it is.

Oh.

Don't use it all in one place.

Thanks, Nathan.

I'm gonna think so hard
with these.

I might even daydream!

Okay.

- That was awesome.
- Yeah, that felt really good.

Steal from the rich,
give to the poor.

That's some Robin Hood shit,
man.

That was my favorite movie
when I was a kid.

Me, too.

If we're gonna do this,

I can't be Friar Tuck.

I had a bowl cut
when I was in second grade,

and I was a little husky.

Kids can be mean.

Oh. Dude.

Okay. Job Gerbil,

you are going to pretend
to be me,

so that I can take a break
from pretending to be dead.

Cove? Aeon? Lakeview?

Lakeview. Obviously.

'Kay, here's everything you need
to know about my boyfriend.

- Your profile said
that you teach kindergarten?
- Mm-hmm.

That might come in handy.

Just try and get him out
of his room

and away from...
Luke What's-His-Name.

Oh. And if you tell on me
or fuck him,

I will know and zero stars will
be the least of your problems.

'Kay? I will ruin your life.

Do you understand?

I mean, others have gotten there
before you, but yeah.

Okay, great.
Any other questions?

Is...

Oh, yeah.

I washed it, twice. Sorry.

Just 'cause your...

Just 'cause the toilet told me
what happened to you and...

- Don't listen
to the fucking toilet.
- Well, it... Okay.

It's a fucking toilet.

You're a fucking toilet!

Ingrid has
a yeast infection.

Proceed with caution.

Shut up.

Home sweet home.

This is exciting.

Never had a female roommate.

Or visitor.

Ivan, what the hell? Why is
your Roomba wearing panties?

Just added
a couple sexbot upgrades.

I don't want to brag, but...

she's six different kinds
of fuckable.

- Huh.
- Nothing hotter

than a French maid, am I right?

Give it to me, papa.

Oh, baby. Stop.

Uh, you know what?
I'm getting a call.

Call Mateo.

I just sent you my location pin.

I may end up killing
Agent Cheeto.

So...

Oh, hey, um,

do you want me to make up
the couch? Or, uh,

my bed is through that door.

Full size bed.

With a lock on the door?

Uh-huh.

Great.

Here's a gig

for you.

And a gig for you.

Where did all this come from?

Nobody knows.

The card said "Robin Hood."

- It's cool to see
all the happy faces, huh?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Wonder who Robin Hood is though.

Uh, sorry, guys.

I don't have any more.

Well, then...

I'm going to the torrent.

He really should've gone first.

Hi, Detective. Hi.

Can I get you anything?
A-a drink, perhaps?

Oh.
Of course. You're on duty!

Dumb Lucy.

How 'bout a snack?

I'm good.

I'm just...
taking a look around.

Well, you just let me know.

We're all willing to help
in any way.

So... yeah.

I'll just be in my office.

Who's that guy?

He is some kind
of a cybercrimes detective.

Apparently, he has a warrant
to look around.

So that's...
just what he's doing.

Well, it's a good thing
we don't have anything to hide.

That... is...

correct.

Put this in the storeroom
for me, will ya?

Real quick.

Quicker than that.

You got those long legs!
Go ahead and use 'em!

What are you up to?

He's an asshole,
but this is not cool, Lucy.

Cute butt though.

Wonder what would happen
if I put a pimple on it?

Welcome back,
Nora Antony.

Thanks.

Yeah, it's-it's been
a long time...

Next.

Ah, look who is back from
mysterious leave of absence.

I just ran away with a guy.

It didn't work out.

I can relate.

He try to pimp you?

Here you go.

A treat.

So now we're buying coffee
for other bitches?

What?

Girl, I got so much to tell you.

- Mm?
- You will not believe

what Lucy has been up to now.

There are videos.

Ooh. Which you will show me.

Okay.

- Who's this?
- Oh. I'm Tinsley.

It's so good
to finally meet you.

It's, um... It's just been...

Uh, hi?

My temp.

Oh. Man.

So, you're my boss now?

I guess I have to do work.

Yeah.

You do though.

- Okay.
- Aleesha's tough.

But-but fair.

Yeah, I've been learning
so much,

and it's really great...

So, where the fuck
have you been?

- And how's Byron?
- Oh.

Uh, you know...

He's fine.

Fine?

Fine.

Cool.

Bumblebee, bumblebee.

You can do this.

We got to figure out a way
to steal more data faster.

I mean,
anyone who can afford Lakeview

can afford to share some
with the 2Gigs.

We got to get that guy a dick.

What?

Oh... sugar.

Hi. So I guess
you heard all that. And...

- the thing is...
- Please don't tattle on us.

Yeah. Please don't tattle on us.

Never.

God, I would go to jail
before I ratted somebody out.

My uncle taught me the only
thing you have in this life

is your rep...

And you ruin it by snitching.
So...

This is the uncle I met?

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Same one.

That is a very intense
life philosophy for a dentist,

but okay.

All right. Well,
thanks for being cool, Ingrid,

- but we got to brainstorm,
so...
- Yeah.

I want to help.

I can be helpful.

Right? I-I can be helpful?

- Yes.
- Yeah...

Let's do this.

Hey, girl.

Hey, boys.

Whew.

- 'Kay.
- All right,

I'm stepping out.

Aw.

It is great being me.

Oh!

Okay. Pretty good.

Now watch the master at work.

- Whoa.
Conceited much?
- Oh.

Giving the people
what they want.

♪ Look at your girl...

Oh. Afternoon, ladies.

I seem to have misplaced
my shirt.

- Has anybody... seen it?
- Whoa.

Get a load of this slab of beef,

- am I right, ladies?
- No. Yeah.

Did this guy pay
to buff out his avatar?

- Oh, no.
- No?

You're telling me
th-this is all-natural?

Get out of town.

His arms are a bit small.

- What'd she say?
- She doesn't know what she's talking about.

- I'd butter this biscuit, huh?
- Hold the jam.

That man is sweet enough.

Your boy Nathan
is up to something.

Oh, he's not my boy anymore.

But...

let's see what it is.

Wow.

Well, he seems happy, at least.

There's a detective here,

the 2Gigs
suddenly have data to spare

and Nathan Brown
is running around

like it was spring break 2028.

There is definitely something
wrong with this picture.

Jump in. See for yourself.

So, dating clients,
is that an option?

Hey, you going to poker night
tonight?

I'm a euchre man
myself.

Lots of money
is gonna change hands.

It says there's
a no-limit table.

I wish
there was a limit

to this inane conversation.

Why are you

so smiley?

Oh.

Uh, 'cause look!

I-I've got a 4.9!

Man, people must've missed me.

Actually, you're logged in
to my account.

How is your rating higher
than mine?

Everybody loves New Nora.

She has no self-esteem.

Oh. Man, wait,
you've been using my avatar?

Yes.

What the hell
are these other outfits?

I was trying to find ways to...

highlight your natural beauty.

Oh, and there's nothing more
natural and beautiful to you

than clowns?

Uh...

Oh, crap.

I got to go. Job...

interview upstairs.

A what?

Uh, it's a long story.

I'll-I'll explain later.

You're lucky she ain't see
the one with the braids.

Yeah. Thank you
for not saying anything.

Mm-hmm.

I found some irregularities
in your department.

Oh. Uh, well...

You had ten uploads so far today
complain of slow data speed,

and they're
on the unlimited plan.

I think someone is stealing data
and giving it to the 2Gigs.

Oh.

Oh, wow. Okay, yeah.

Is that all?

Okay, great.

I wonder if that's why
the detective is here today.

Wait, what? Detective?

- Uh-huh.
- Like... police?

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Could an upload

ever access code
in the real world?

Absolutely not.

They can't even access
the Lakeview code.

Only the IT
and design departments can.

Am I crazy or is this,
like, super fun?

Like, this right here,

the three of us,
this is the band, you guys.

I was joking, obviously. Um...

Just a... joke.

As you were saying, Detective.

I wonder
what he's digging around for.

- Mm.
- Doesn't seem like he cares

about missing data or nudes.

Nudes?

Ew. Craig.

Stop before you get in trouble.

I think I know
how the data's being stolen.

How?

One of our penknives
came up missing.

Jesus Christ, Craig.

I have my people hacking away
to track it.

Good. Because I would
hate to see you get fired

over something like this.

Fired?

What's the plan?
We distract, you drain?

No, there's too many people.

We're gonna have to play.

I don't know, man.
These guys have done nothing

but play cards since they died.

- They're sharks.
- Yeah.

That's okay.

We're not gonna play fair.

These gloves are paired
to my penknife

so I can change the cards
that are in your hand.

Uh, wait.

I'm more of a slots girl.

- I...
- It's up to you, Ingrid.

It's your account. We're gonna
be risking a lot of your money.

But I really think
this could work.

Aw, hell. Easy come...

...easy go, right?

Let's take these rich jerks

for everything they've got.

Yes. That's my girl.

- Okay. Okay.
- Mmm.

- What's my role?
- You.

Don't move. You're my eyes.

Mesdames and messieurs,

welcome to poker night
at Lakeview.

Ladies and gentlemen,

net worths.

Hey, it's not the size...
It's what you do with it.

Hmm. Okay.

So, five years' experience
coding Anaconda?

Yep.

They call me the snake charmer.

Of course, that's not something
you would ever use at this job.

- Totally.
- Mm.

- I know that.
- Uh-huh.

And you're a judo black belt?

Yup.

Hi-yah!

That's karate.

It was like a...

a mix.

Okay.

Ms. Kannerman?

Oh.

Uh...

Um...

Raise...

$100,000.

Mm.

Players, reveal your cards.

Three of a kind!

Nushìmen xianshengmen,

Ms. Kannerman wins!

Yes. Yes.

Yes, I do.

Come here, come here, come here.

Hey. One of your nerds
found the penknife.

It's being used right now
in the atrium.

Nora. Is that you?

Hey... Lucy.

Uh, what are you doing here?

Interviewing.

On this floor?

Yeah, right.

- Craig, come on. Chop, chop.
- Excuse me.

- Let's go. Craig. Come on.
- Yeah, okay, okay.

I'm right behind you!

Ms. Kannerman,
place your bet.

Call.

Jack-high flush.

Ms. Kannerman wins again!

Okay.

So satisfying.

You know what?

This one is for you, sir.

- You are as generous
as you are beautiful.
- Eh.

Just don't spend it all
in one place.

Hey there, folks!
Come to check out

poker night, huh?
You don't want to miss this.

The high rollers
are out in force. But hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Who wants to play cards, huh?

- Pick a card, any card, huh?
- Oh, shit.

Not in poker though.
You don't get to pick in poker.

Okay. This all-American
farm boy one is glitching.

Which means we must be close.
Mmm.

Hmm.

Oh, God.

Last hand. We got to go.

Oh, um...

- All in.
- No. What?

Call.

Um...

I ditched the penknife.

Uh, just-just kidding.

Never mind. No all in.

No take-backsies.

Players, reveal your cards.

All good things
must come to an end.

Okay. Okay.

We can beat three kings.
You know?

You just got to have faith.

Come on, come on.

Full house.

And we're fucked.

Uh... we could

- still get a flush though,
right?
- No,

it would have to be
a straight flush to win.

And the odds of that happening
are, like...

3.125%.

- That's actually better
than I thought.
- Damn.

Okay. So then just lucky seven.

- Lucky seven of hearts, right?
Come on, come on.
- Seven of hearts.

- Seven of hearts.
Come on, baby.
- Seven of hearts.

Uh-oh.

Come on, baby.

- Whoo!
- What?!

Oh, my God!

Wow!

Oh, my God!

- Whoo! Winners!
- Did you see that?!

- Yeah, yeah! I won big!
- Ha! Oh! Whoa!
- Okay.

- Oh, my God...
- Oh, my God!

Aah!

- Oh, what's up?! What's...
- Okay, we got to go.

- We got to go.
- Yes. Okay.
- Okay, okay, okay.

No, no, no. They'll credit
your account. Come on.

- No, come on! Wait! Wait!
- Okay, all right.

Let's go.

I don't know how it got there.

- I swear, I'm innocent.
- Mm-mm-mm.

Uh... Oh.

You waited.

Well, we're almost done.

So, something I ask
all candidates...

Why here?

I mean, if you're good enough
to code anywhere,

why not some place
more cutting-edge, like, um...

Oscar Mayer Intel?

Well, when I'm talking
to a client...

I'm talking to someone
who would have been gone forever

if they had died 15 years ago.

And that makes this place
an actual miracle,

e-even if we dress it up
in subscription fees,

add-ons and data caps.

And...

who wouldn't want to be part
of a miracle?

Hmm.

Well, cybersecurity
is out of the question.

You don't have the chops.
But we are adding headcount

in Redesign.

Got to up our game
now that Freeyond's coming out.

It's mostly just bug hunting
for now.

But you do a good job...

who knows?

Are you offering me a job?

That's the point
of job interviews,

as I understand them.

- Wait, really?
- Mm-hmm.

Holy crap.

Y-Yes. Yeah, I'll-I'll take it.

- Mm, okay.
- Uh... thank you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Hmm.

Nora, is this yours?

- Nope.
- Hmm.

Well.

Bronny James!

Basketball.

We're taking this place over.

I'm just gonna be
fixing glitches.

Today, glitches. Tomorrow...

Bigger glitches?

- And bigger paychecks.
- Mm.

Hopefully.

Mm.

Hey.

So, I...

actually wasn't on a trip
with Byron.

Oh, my God.
What?

That's crazy. I had no idea.

This is a huge surprise.

Oh, my gosh.

Okay, well,
I want to tell you more, but...

I can't.

Okay.

Well, I have a secret
I have no problem sharing.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

Blackmail?

Or...

you could help me
with something.

I'll call you back.

I kept a close eye on it
for you.

Thank you for that.

Bye.

Huh.

Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes.

And then we had dinner

- with friends
in the dining room.
- Mm.

Amazing selection.

Oh, it was so nice.

Oh, and I, uh,
parked you in the bathroom.

Okay. Well,

it certainly sounds
like you had a fun day.

Yeah.

Oh. How nice that we both got
a little vacation.

Yes. Oh, I needed that.

- Your life is cool!
- I know!

Remove tip.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Whoa.

You were amazing today.

I think that was the best day
we've ever had.

I love you, babe.

Next stop, Central.

- Hi.
- Hey.

So, the program
just phoned home successfully.

Good job, superspy.

Thanks.

Oh. Um, this is pretty crazy,

but I actually did well
in the interview, too.

I got a job.

You what?

How?

It's not cybersecurity.
It's something else.

But... it's great, right?

I mean, I'm-I'm moving up.

And maybe I can, like...

change things from the inside.

Yeah.

What's so funny?

Nothing. That's great. It is...

It's, uh... I'm happy for you.

It's just... ironic.

That's all.

Um, I got to go.