United States of Tara (2009–2011): Season 3, Episode 11 - Crunchy Ice - full transcript
Life at the Gregson house is fast deteriorating with Tara's alter Bryce in clear control, eliminating two of her other alters. Max is desperate to speak to Tara but Bryce will not let her emerge. Charmaine thinks the time has come to have Tara committed but Max is adamantly opposed. Neil even suggests that they move away. That Max's mother Sandy moves in with them only adds to the mayhem. A violent incident leads Max to an inevitable decision.
Previously on
"United States of Tara"...
[ As Alice ]
Chicken is missing.
She was playing
in the cornfield,
when something unspeakable
happened to her.
I killed her.
And who are you?
I'm Bryce craine.
The relevant term here
is "abuser alter."
It's a personality
modeled on a primary abuser...
caretaker, family member...
Or a stepbrother.
Bryce?
The self
turning against itself,
which accounts
for your cutting.
Isn't it wonderful?
It's like...
Christmas every day.
Lionel trane's dead.
It was a car accident.
I'll go to Manhattan.
I think it's best for everyone
that I not hang around.
You even know
where you're going?
Yeah.
I want to make my own problems.
That's my right
as a human fucking being.
And so I choose you.
Be my problem.
[ Chuckles ]
The little girl, the Jew,
the poncho...
three down, three to go.
And then?
It's just me and her.
When's Tara coming back?
She's not.
* hello, there *
* merry Christmas,
how've you been? *
* gee, it's so good *
[ singsong voice ] Morning.
* to talk to you again *
[ chuckles ]
* it's been a long, long time *
* can't explain
why you've crossed my mind *
[ humming ]
* I guess it's just
to wish you a merry Christmas *
[ groans ] You're a savior.
* my best friend's
having a party *
* and everybody's going *
* I know it's gonna be a
lot of fun * [ Chuckles ]
* oh, by the way,
it's snowing *
* it's been a long, long time *
* can't explain
why you've crossed my mind *
* I guess it's just to say,
gee whiz, it's Christmas *
* have a merry,
merry Christmas *
[ as buck ] Psst!
Hey, Max-aroo.
Get me one of them beers,
would ya?
Buck?
Hurry up.
I ain't got much time.
Well, get a cold one from
the back, for Christ's sakes.
This is my last goddamn meal.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm sayin' goodbye, hombre.
Just put it
on the counter there.
[ Bottle thuds ]
What do you mean, "goodbye"?
We got a 'nam situation
in the medulla oblongata here.
People tryin' to get out,
and there ain't no choppers.
And that fucker Bryce
is pickin' us off one by one.
Well, I ain't takin' no dirt nap
without a final beer.
I want to talk to Tara.
[ Scoffs ] Good luck.
If you see her,
tell her I tried my best.
Oh, and please tell char,
even though it never
worked out between us,
I still think about her.
I will... I guess.
Uh, let me just...
oh, shit.
Here he comes.
Listen, my ashes are to be mixed
with a fifth of Jack Daniel's
and poured onto the grave
of Mr. John Wayne...
pacific view memorial park,
bayview terrace, section 575.
You got it?
Ash... what ashes?
Courage is bein' scared to death
and saddlin' up anyway.
Do your worst, Bryce,
you motherfucker!
Then he chugs the beer and is
like, "adi?s, muchachos." Gone.
And this is buck?
Yeah, and then
Bryce is standing there,
and he's describing in really,
really sick fucking detail...
like "blood and guts
on the wall" detail...
how he killed buck
in Tara's head.
So, now you're stashing buck's guns
and stabby shit in my house.
Isn't even half of it.
Haven't even checked the basement yet.
Neil: Okay.
This used to be
my coffee table...
Up until
about three months ago.
Also, a habitat for ferrets.
Oh, they got out.
Huh.
Okay, I'm just gonna say it...
at what point do we consider
having her, you know, committed?
"We"?
She's my sister.
Look, she's fine.
I mean... I mean,
she's not fine, but...
Max [Chuckles]
look at what you're doing.
Yeah, I know...
it's fucked up.
But the overland park
mental-health system
hasn't exactly worked wonders
for us in the past.
Look, she'll come back to us.
She always comes back.
Remember when buck joined
the merchant marines?
You just said buck was dead.
I'll take care of it.
I don't think
you can this time.
I'll get her back.
Just trust me.
Wow.
What do you think?
Well, I-I don't know.
I mean, it's not really my place
to, you know, say any...
out with it.
I think we should sell the house
and move to Houston.
What?
For business purposes,
all right?
Not because your sister's
a child molester.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
No, you're right. It's because
of the child molesting.
* rockin' in the holidays *
it was my dad again.
Oh?
Checking in.
I guess mom's not doing so well.
She's still, um...
Fruitcake.
I don't think
that's the technical term.
Since we're
in the Christmas spirit,
I thought we'd have a slice.
Oh.
[ Gasps ]
1974.
Year they found that skeleton
in Ethiopia...
called her "Lucy."
Your grandfather bought
a samsonite case for $62,
which was very expensive,
but it had wheels.
Used to pull your father
around on it.
He wants me
to come home... dad.
He needs help, but...
[ Sighs ]
I don't know
if I want to deal with her.
Don't be silly.
She's your mother.
You...
you have to love her,
no matter how crazy
you think she is.
So...Here.
Your dad loves fruitcake.
* rockin' in the holidays *
[ footsteps approaching ]
[ As Bryce ] Down here
spanking the monkey?
Want to borrow my jizz sock?
Just hiding buck's arsenal
from bad little boys.
Geez, who do I have to kill
to get a little respect
around here?
Oh, don't act
like you miss them.
I get this done,
and we're both free...
no more crazy town.
We get real lives.
The life I want
is with my wife.
She doesn't deserve you,
sporto.
[ Scoffs ]
Does she deserve you?
Marshall: Dad?
Oh, great...
the little prince.
Down here, buddy.
Nice haircut.
Still Bryce?
You still chugging cock?
Thanks for coming, marsh.
Yeah, no problem.
Glad to help.
Family crisis and all that.
Sandy: I don't want
to go down there. It's dark.
Fuck me!
Hey, mom!
You need some stick 'n' click
lights on these stairs.
They're only $9.95 for a package
of three at the target.
Why are we all underground?
Uh, grandma, this is Bryce.
Your haircut looks strange
on a girl.
Go to hell, prune face.
Hey, ma, we got us
a little situation down here.
I brought you a fruitcake.
You sure did.
Oh, I get it...
you're talking about me.
Kate: Hello?
Max: Downstairs.
Is that a penis?
Oh, barely.
Just cleaning up.
Ohhhh.
Is this a torando?
I an not doing it again sober.
Hello, cupcake.
Oh, this is so wrong.
Maxie, why do you have these
boxes of guns and pornography?
They're not mine.
That's what you said when I found
the marijuana in your pants.
Excuse me? Marshall: Kate,
you met grandma Sandy?
Oh, wow.
Yeah, sorta.
You smell good.
Fuck off!
Looks like I'm gonna need
that jizz sock
a while longer, Max.
Did she say "jizz"?
Unfortunately.
Yep.
Max:
Okay, guys, look.
I know it seems like
things are out of control,
but we're gonna get
back on track, I promise.
We just got to...
got to stick together
like a unit...
family unit.
We got to keep remembering
to have normal family fun,
do normal-family-fun stuff,
okay?
Now, your mom... she's coming
back, just like always.
Gonna take some time.
But that's why we're gonna
take her to her favorite place.
We're going to the art museum.
Did he say "museum"?
Yep.
Unfortunately.
[ Metal creaking ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
This sucks.
Hey, it's not really
a "please touch" kind of place.
Hey, hey,
is this "art therapy"?
And if so,
is it working at all?
Shut the fuck up, Neil.
Well, we shouldn't
just sit here.
We should go talk to her.
Him.
Marshall: Go ahead.
I'm here for support,
but seriously,
nothing we do
is gonna make a difference.
Ew.
He keeps looking at me.
You always get the cute ones.
Oh, my God.
So funny.
Mm. It's laugh-or-cry time
here at the mus?e d'art.
I choose laugh.
Tennis courts
and organic veggies?
Yeah, and 'round-the-clock
psychiatric care.
It's a fancy nuthouse.
It's a place of "hope,
healing, and happiness."
Think about it.
I'm not locking her in there.
[ Sighs ] Let's ask Kate.
Kate!
I don't need to ask Kate.
What? Ask Kate what?
Nothing.
Don't you think your mom
would enjoy some quiet time
away from the family?
I would.
She doesn't need quiet time
away. She needs help.
That's what I'm saying.
Our help. My help.
Professional help.
I'm not putting her
in some fucking
rubber-room country club.
Great. He's crazy.
She's crazy.
You really think that mom
needs to be locked up?
Don't you?
Hello, sweetheart.
Mm.
[ Chuckles ]
You must hate me.
Don't be ridiculous.
I've made mistakes...
lord knows.
And I know I'm difficult
to live with or even visit.
Oh, just...
can we not get into this?
Crazy is no good for nobody.
Mom.
Especially kids.
They need stability,
routine, order.
Your wife is over there
humping a sculpture.
Mom, I got to...
my kitty died, Max.
Crushed by a box
of used tea bags.
I got to take a pee, mom.
Wash your hands.
[ Sighs ]
It's just for a little while.
Oh, well, then, yeah,
by all means,
please stash more guns and porn
in my baby's house.
It's in a locked trunk.
That's not gonna stop wheels.
[ Door opens, closes ]
She's already reprogrammed
the remote control.
How's it hangin', fellas?
[ Zipper opens ]
[ Urinating ]
Hey.
Eyes up here.
Tara.
[ Zipper closes ]
How many times
I got to tell you?
[ Zipper closes ]
Tara, you love art.
You love me.
Okay?
Get the fuck off me,
you fucking pervert!
[ Zipper closes ]
[ Sighs ]
So, does your wife
have a dick now or...
oh, shut the fuck up, Neil.
Kate: Well,
I'll talk to you later.
I like you a lot, too.
Hey, tell monty
he's a super Turkey.
[ Chuckling ]
Okay. Bye.
[ Cellphone beeps ]
[ As t ] I never told you, but I
was always real jealous of you.
T?
Yeah, you got this...
this cute little smile
and these cute little clothes
and this cute little butt.
And I'm just not
cute and little.
What do you mean? You borrow
my jeans all the time.
Painfully.
Anyways, that's done with.
It looks like I'm outtie.
What do you mean?
I mean the grim reaper...
the Bryce creeper.
That boy is doing major damage,
and it's getting kinda lonely
in here.
Well, do you think
I can talk to my mom?
Look, before I go,
I just want to say
I'm sorry for punching you
in the face.
I really do admire the way
you handle your shit, girl.
We both bad bitches,
and we don't crawl for no one...
which ain't to say
we can't please on our knees,
if you know what I'm sayin'.
That's one of those ones
you can't really answer.
Codeine, bourbon...
And the rest is silence.
You can't cheat death
with a blowjob.
Right.
Well...
Peace out, little sis.
Peace out, t.
T? T?
T.
Mom?
[ As Bryce ] Nope.
Homegirl's dead.
But how about
you show a little love
and have me
slip inside those jeans?
Uh...
Mm.
Any other ideas?
The floor's open.
Well, mom's always
liked bowling.
It's not funny.
She's offing her imaginary
friends. It's kind of funny.
Guys. She's creepier
than gene Stuart.
Wow, kitty Kat,
that is serious.
Go fuck yourself!
Come on, guys!
Dad, I think
this might be bigger
than museums and bowling.
She might need to go somewhere
and get professional help.
Paging
Dr. crab allergy.
Okay, I want you
to stop talking to Charmaine.
She may have a point.
Look, I told her
and I'll tell you...
I'm not putting your mom in...
Sandy: Maxi millions, I need your help!
Fuck me.
Maxi millions?
Told you this shit was funny.
What are you doing, ma?
I'm getting into
the Christmas spirit.
I-I can't find an outlet,
maxie.
I found one!
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, be a dear and get the rest
of my things from my car.
I brought
the old rolly suitcase.
You used to ride on that,
remember?
Good thing I didn't let you
throw it away.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Door opens ]
Are you...Retarded?
I'm sorry?
No, no. I'm sorry.
I'm not going to speak to you.
You're not well.
What is all this bullshit?
It's my Christmas stuff.
Don't touch that!
Christmas is bullshit.
"And there were in the same country
Shepherds abiding in the field,
"keeping watch
over their flock by night.
"And, lo, the angel of the lord
came upon them,
"and the glory of the lord
shone round about them:
"And they were sore afraid.
"And the angel said
unto them, 'fear not
"'for, behold, I bring you
good tidings of great joy,
which shall be to all people'"!
[ Gasps ] [ Shatters ]
[ Sighs ]
You're just full of beans,
aren't you?
Neil:
* lullaby and good night *
* go to sleep, little wheelsie *
* we are reading "planetary" *
* daddy's awesome comic book *
* but now that you're asleep *
* we can check out buck's porn *
* for some pointers
to use later *
* when we're having sex
with mom *
* what the fuck is this? *
* buck is such
a goddamned weirdo *
* I'm afraid to...Look *
wow.
Building barricades.
Did not see this coming.
Think of it
as another Gregson family quirk.
Wearing an ascot is a quirk.
This is kind of fucked up.
Mm.
I thought that you were
laughing it off.
Remember when we were kids
and we thought
mom was just being silly?
Yeah.
But...Now I'm actually
worried about her.
Something's going on.
You think
dad should lock her up.
I think that you can't keep
doing the same thing,
hoping for a different result.
Do you think you'll come home
for holidays?
I mean,
if you marry Evan and all?
Ugh! Dude!
Dating.
Okay, well, when...
when you really, really leave,
will you ever come home?
Will you?
Lionel had this calendar,
these, um, Norman Rockwell
pictures, paintings.
So stupid.
And there's this picture
where this kid finds
a Santa costume
in his dad's drawer.
Wonder what he would have
painted if he grew up here.
Ohhh.
Wait. Is there
no fucking Santa claus?
[ Both laugh ]
Lemonade.
Crunchy ice.
Both: Sip it once.
Sip it twice.
* lemonade, crunchy ice *
* make it once, make it twice *
* turn around,
touch the ground *
* kick your boyfriend
out of town *
* and freeze *
[ both laugh ]
[ Clattering ]
[ Snickers ]
Pretty, isn't it?
Well, it's all right.
When I was a little girl,
we had little clip-on candles.
Real candles and real trees.
'Course, there were
more trees then...
And more firemen.
What are you doing here?
What are you?
I live here.
My son lives here...
and his children.
And his wife.
So, you're his wife
all of a sudden?
Kiss my ass.
I missed your wedding...
Tara's wedding.
Max and Tara.
Couldn't leave the house.
I was scared.
Thought if I walked
out the door, I would die.
I had days like that.
I guess I'm old now,
or maybe
I just don't care anymore.
[ Inhales deeply ]
Well, they say courage is
being scared to death
and saddling up anyway.
John Wayne said that,
and he was a draft dodger.
I should have known.
Two things
before I'm off to bed.
Everything that's happened
to your family,
your kids, your husband,
everything they are,
everything they could have been
and aren't...
it's all your fault.
And if you touch my tree,
I'll break your fucking fingers.
Nighty-night.
Ugh!
Behold!
Neil.
Sorry.
I just got caught up.
I can't believe
it's actually him.
What the hell
is this bullshit, anyway?
That's Bryce craine's grave.
You're dead.
Is everyone in your family
fucking retarded?
I think
what Max is referring to
is the impossible paradox
of you being up here
and also down there
being mulched by worms.
Although,
if you read "planetary,"
you would know
there's a... Neil!
Asshole!
You dirty, butt-licking,
scum-sucking,
fuck-faced douche bag!
Charmaine!
A-actually, when she gets
like this, just let her...
cunt! Cunt! Pfft!
Fuck. I can't spit.
Hey! Wait in the car!
Maybe we should...
pfft! Pfft!
Yeah, we'll wait in the car.
Sorry. Sorry.
Charmy, charmy.
Pfft!
Okay.
Fucking asshole!
Here we go.
Fuck!
That could be anyone
down there.
Could be, but it's not.
That there is Bryce craine,
son of Frank, stepmother bev,
half sisters
Charmaine and Tara.
Well, I don't believe you.
That's the guy that did it!
Tara, all the shit that happened
to you... that's him.
It was me. I did it.
I'm the one.
You want to read the obit?
He fucking killed himself.
He put a gun to his chin
on Christmas
'cause he couldn't live
with what he'd done,
how he hurt you
and your family...
just like you're doing
right now.
Well, she deserves it.
She deserves a chance
for some peace,
to be fucking happy.
You know, she's not
so fucking innocent, Max.
God damn it,
I-I want to talk to Tara.
You want to put her away.
I want to tell her
that I love her.
No.
You're not gonna win, Bryce.
I'm not gonna let you win.
She wanted it to happen, Max.
Ever think of that?
It's why she never told.
Look what I found.
[ Clears throat ]
See that boy?
[ Jingling ]
[ Laughs ]
That was a happy boy.
He still believes
in Santa claus.
You shouldn't have to
go through all this with Tara
or...Whoever that is.
I'll figure it out, ma.
It's no big deal.
No, you won't.
You'll try and you'll try,
but crazy is crazy.
I know, Max.
Your father...
yes, yes, your father
knew things couldn't...
hey, ma, why are you
always defending him?
I'm not defending him.
He left.
He had no choice.
Ma, he had a choice.
You need to leave, Max.
You need to leave her and...
no.
No, I'm not doing that.
The only thing your father
did wrong was leave you behind.
That's true, and you know it.
You keep Marshall
here in this mess,
and he'll waste his entire life
trying to fix something
he didn't break.
That's true, too.
Seen it myself.
Fuck you doing in my room,
sporto?
Could ask you
the same question.
Bet you won't.
Where you going?
Well, there's a big gay parade
outside.
I thought you were in it, too.
[ Chuckles ]
You're not funny.
And you're not smart.
What the fuck is your problem?
Oh, look...
it's your dead boyfriend.
Why you hiding
all this special shit?
You ashamed or something?
Yes, you're right...
I'm ashamed.
You got me... again.
How do you make it
look so easy?
Mm. Look at that.
Fools in love.
Give me that.
First love, huh?
Never forget your first love...
their hands...
Their lips...
Their eyes...
All mashed up
in some shitty car.
That's hard to forget, too.
You don't know what love is.
You're scared of it.
Ooh!
And you can't breathe
without making everyone
around you scared, too.
Well, I'm not scared of you,
so fuck off.
[ As Alice ] I know
what it's like to lose someone.
I miss don very much.
It was like
losing a piece of myself.
But the hurt fades.
And the love that you shared
will stay in your heart forever.
Doesn't matter
how long you loved him
or how well
you think you did it...
just that you loved him
with all your heart
and the best you could.
You're a wonderful boy,
Marshall.
I'm so very proud of you.
[ As Bryce ] Boom!
[ Chuckling ] Oh, my God.
That has to be
my favorite execution by far.
Well, one left, bitch boy,
and I think
you know who that is.
I need a fucking sandwich.
Get off me!
Fuck you!
[ Grunts ]
You fucker!
Oh!
[ Breathing heavily ]
[ As Tara ] I'm sorry.
[ Sobbing ] Oh, no.
Oh, my baby.
I'm so so...
oh, God.
[ Sighs ]
Organic veggies, huh?
And tennis courts.
'Round-the-clock
psychiatric care.
Yep.
Think it'll work this time?
I don't know.
New drugs, new treatments.
Right.
Hey, it's not for forever.
It's just for now.
I'll miss you.
[ Chuckling ] Well,
I'm not going anywhere.
For richer and for poorer,
right?
In sickness and in...
Health.
Max, stop.
What?
Stop.
[ Voice breaking ] I love you.
Tara.
* in the dark *
ta... Tara!
* we have no bodies *
fuck!
* we have no worries *
* we have no limbs *
* in the dark *
* callous footsteps *
* tread thin waters *
* sea to land *
* let's get you safe now *
* let's get you safe now *
* oh, come away *
"United States of Tara"...
[ As Alice ]
Chicken is missing.
She was playing
in the cornfield,
when something unspeakable
happened to her.
I killed her.
And who are you?
I'm Bryce craine.
The relevant term here
is "abuser alter."
It's a personality
modeled on a primary abuser...
caretaker, family member...
Or a stepbrother.
Bryce?
The self
turning against itself,
which accounts
for your cutting.
Isn't it wonderful?
It's like...
Christmas every day.
Lionel trane's dead.
It was a car accident.
I'll go to Manhattan.
I think it's best for everyone
that I not hang around.
You even know
where you're going?
Yeah.
I want to make my own problems.
That's my right
as a human fucking being.
And so I choose you.
Be my problem.
[ Chuckles ]
The little girl, the Jew,
the poncho...
three down, three to go.
And then?
It's just me and her.
When's Tara coming back?
She's not.
* hello, there *
* merry Christmas,
how've you been? *
* gee, it's so good *
[ singsong voice ] Morning.
* to talk to you again *
[ chuckles ]
* it's been a long, long time *
* can't explain
why you've crossed my mind *
[ humming ]
* I guess it's just
to wish you a merry Christmas *
[ groans ] You're a savior.
* my best friend's
having a party *
* and everybody's going *
* I know it's gonna be a
lot of fun * [ Chuckles ]
* oh, by the way,
it's snowing *
* it's been a long, long time *
* can't explain
why you've crossed my mind *
* I guess it's just to say,
gee whiz, it's Christmas *
* have a merry,
merry Christmas *
[ as buck ] Psst!
Hey, Max-aroo.
Get me one of them beers,
would ya?
Buck?
Hurry up.
I ain't got much time.
Well, get a cold one from
the back, for Christ's sakes.
This is my last goddamn meal.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm sayin' goodbye, hombre.
Just put it
on the counter there.
[ Bottle thuds ]
What do you mean, "goodbye"?
We got a 'nam situation
in the medulla oblongata here.
People tryin' to get out,
and there ain't no choppers.
And that fucker Bryce
is pickin' us off one by one.
Well, I ain't takin' no dirt nap
without a final beer.
I want to talk to Tara.
[ Scoffs ] Good luck.
If you see her,
tell her I tried my best.
Oh, and please tell char,
even though it never
worked out between us,
I still think about her.
I will... I guess.
Uh, let me just...
oh, shit.
Here he comes.
Listen, my ashes are to be mixed
with a fifth of Jack Daniel's
and poured onto the grave
of Mr. John Wayne...
pacific view memorial park,
bayview terrace, section 575.
You got it?
Ash... what ashes?
Courage is bein' scared to death
and saddlin' up anyway.
Do your worst, Bryce,
you motherfucker!
Then he chugs the beer and is
like, "adi?s, muchachos." Gone.
And this is buck?
Yeah, and then
Bryce is standing there,
and he's describing in really,
really sick fucking detail...
like "blood and guts
on the wall" detail...
how he killed buck
in Tara's head.
So, now you're stashing buck's guns
and stabby shit in my house.
Isn't even half of it.
Haven't even checked the basement yet.
Neil: Okay.
This used to be
my coffee table...
Up until
about three months ago.
Also, a habitat for ferrets.
Oh, they got out.
Huh.
Okay, I'm just gonna say it...
at what point do we consider
having her, you know, committed?
"We"?
She's my sister.
Look, she's fine.
I mean... I mean,
she's not fine, but...
Max [Chuckles]
look at what you're doing.
Yeah, I know...
it's fucked up.
But the overland park
mental-health system
hasn't exactly worked wonders
for us in the past.
Look, she'll come back to us.
She always comes back.
Remember when buck joined
the merchant marines?
You just said buck was dead.
I'll take care of it.
I don't think
you can this time.
I'll get her back.
Just trust me.
Wow.
What do you think?
Well, I-I don't know.
I mean, it's not really my place
to, you know, say any...
out with it.
I think we should sell the house
and move to Houston.
What?
For business purposes,
all right?
Not because your sister's
a child molester.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
No, you're right. It's because
of the child molesting.
* rockin' in the holidays *
it was my dad again.
Oh?
Checking in.
I guess mom's not doing so well.
She's still, um...
Fruitcake.
I don't think
that's the technical term.
Since we're
in the Christmas spirit,
I thought we'd have a slice.
Oh.
[ Gasps ]
1974.
Year they found that skeleton
in Ethiopia...
called her "Lucy."
Your grandfather bought
a samsonite case for $62,
which was very expensive,
but it had wheels.
Used to pull your father
around on it.
He wants me
to come home... dad.
He needs help, but...
[ Sighs ]
I don't know
if I want to deal with her.
Don't be silly.
She's your mother.
You...
you have to love her,
no matter how crazy
you think she is.
So...Here.
Your dad loves fruitcake.
* rockin' in the holidays *
[ footsteps approaching ]
[ As Bryce ] Down here
spanking the monkey?
Want to borrow my jizz sock?
Just hiding buck's arsenal
from bad little boys.
Geez, who do I have to kill
to get a little respect
around here?
Oh, don't act
like you miss them.
I get this done,
and we're both free...
no more crazy town.
We get real lives.
The life I want
is with my wife.
She doesn't deserve you,
sporto.
[ Scoffs ]
Does she deserve you?
Marshall: Dad?
Oh, great...
the little prince.
Down here, buddy.
Nice haircut.
Still Bryce?
You still chugging cock?
Thanks for coming, marsh.
Yeah, no problem.
Glad to help.
Family crisis and all that.
Sandy: I don't want
to go down there. It's dark.
Fuck me!
Hey, mom!
You need some stick 'n' click
lights on these stairs.
They're only $9.95 for a package
of three at the target.
Why are we all underground?
Uh, grandma, this is Bryce.
Your haircut looks strange
on a girl.
Go to hell, prune face.
Hey, ma, we got us
a little situation down here.
I brought you a fruitcake.
You sure did.
Oh, I get it...
you're talking about me.
Kate: Hello?
Max: Downstairs.
Is that a penis?
Oh, barely.
Just cleaning up.
Ohhhh.
Is this a torando?
I an not doing it again sober.
Hello, cupcake.
Oh, this is so wrong.
Maxie, why do you have these
boxes of guns and pornography?
They're not mine.
That's what you said when I found
the marijuana in your pants.
Excuse me? Marshall: Kate,
you met grandma Sandy?
Oh, wow.
Yeah, sorta.
You smell good.
Fuck off!
Looks like I'm gonna need
that jizz sock
a while longer, Max.
Did she say "jizz"?
Unfortunately.
Yep.
Max:
Okay, guys, look.
I know it seems like
things are out of control,
but we're gonna get
back on track, I promise.
We just got to...
got to stick together
like a unit...
family unit.
We got to keep remembering
to have normal family fun,
do normal-family-fun stuff,
okay?
Now, your mom... she's coming
back, just like always.
Gonna take some time.
But that's why we're gonna
take her to her favorite place.
We're going to the art museum.
Did he say "museum"?
Yep.
Unfortunately.
[ Metal creaking ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
This sucks.
Hey, it's not really
a "please touch" kind of place.
Hey, hey,
is this "art therapy"?
And if so,
is it working at all?
Shut the fuck up, Neil.
Well, we shouldn't
just sit here.
We should go talk to her.
Him.
Marshall: Go ahead.
I'm here for support,
but seriously,
nothing we do
is gonna make a difference.
Ew.
He keeps looking at me.
You always get the cute ones.
Oh, my God.
So funny.
Mm. It's laugh-or-cry time
here at the mus?e d'art.
I choose laugh.
Tennis courts
and organic veggies?
Yeah, and 'round-the-clock
psychiatric care.
It's a fancy nuthouse.
It's a place of "hope,
healing, and happiness."
Think about it.
I'm not locking her in there.
[ Sighs ] Let's ask Kate.
Kate!
I don't need to ask Kate.
What? Ask Kate what?
Nothing.
Don't you think your mom
would enjoy some quiet time
away from the family?
I would.
She doesn't need quiet time
away. She needs help.
That's what I'm saying.
Our help. My help.
Professional help.
I'm not putting her
in some fucking
rubber-room country club.
Great. He's crazy.
She's crazy.
You really think that mom
needs to be locked up?
Don't you?
Hello, sweetheart.
Mm.
[ Chuckles ]
You must hate me.
Don't be ridiculous.
I've made mistakes...
lord knows.
And I know I'm difficult
to live with or even visit.
Oh, just...
can we not get into this?
Crazy is no good for nobody.
Mom.
Especially kids.
They need stability,
routine, order.
Your wife is over there
humping a sculpture.
Mom, I got to...
my kitty died, Max.
Crushed by a box
of used tea bags.
I got to take a pee, mom.
Wash your hands.
[ Sighs ]
It's just for a little while.
Oh, well, then, yeah,
by all means,
please stash more guns and porn
in my baby's house.
It's in a locked trunk.
That's not gonna stop wheels.
[ Door opens, closes ]
She's already reprogrammed
the remote control.
How's it hangin', fellas?
[ Zipper opens ]
[ Urinating ]
Hey.
Eyes up here.
Tara.
[ Zipper closes ]
How many times
I got to tell you?
[ Zipper closes ]
Tara, you love art.
You love me.
Okay?
Get the fuck off me,
you fucking pervert!
[ Zipper closes ]
[ Sighs ]
So, does your wife
have a dick now or...
oh, shut the fuck up, Neil.
Kate: Well,
I'll talk to you later.
I like you a lot, too.
Hey, tell monty
he's a super Turkey.
[ Chuckling ]
Okay. Bye.
[ Cellphone beeps ]
[ As t ] I never told you, but I
was always real jealous of you.
T?
Yeah, you got this...
this cute little smile
and these cute little clothes
and this cute little butt.
And I'm just not
cute and little.
What do you mean? You borrow
my jeans all the time.
Painfully.
Anyways, that's done with.
It looks like I'm outtie.
What do you mean?
I mean the grim reaper...
the Bryce creeper.
That boy is doing major damage,
and it's getting kinda lonely
in here.
Well, do you think
I can talk to my mom?
Look, before I go,
I just want to say
I'm sorry for punching you
in the face.
I really do admire the way
you handle your shit, girl.
We both bad bitches,
and we don't crawl for no one...
which ain't to say
we can't please on our knees,
if you know what I'm sayin'.
That's one of those ones
you can't really answer.
Codeine, bourbon...
And the rest is silence.
You can't cheat death
with a blowjob.
Right.
Well...
Peace out, little sis.
Peace out, t.
T? T?
T.
Mom?
[ As Bryce ] Nope.
Homegirl's dead.
But how about
you show a little love
and have me
slip inside those jeans?
Uh...
Mm.
Any other ideas?
The floor's open.
Well, mom's always
liked bowling.
It's not funny.
She's offing her imaginary
friends. It's kind of funny.
Guys. She's creepier
than gene Stuart.
Wow, kitty Kat,
that is serious.
Go fuck yourself!
Come on, guys!
Dad, I think
this might be bigger
than museums and bowling.
She might need to go somewhere
and get professional help.
Paging
Dr. crab allergy.
Okay, I want you
to stop talking to Charmaine.
She may have a point.
Look, I told her
and I'll tell you...
I'm not putting your mom in...
Sandy: Maxi millions, I need your help!
Fuck me.
Maxi millions?
Told you this shit was funny.
What are you doing, ma?
I'm getting into
the Christmas spirit.
I-I can't find an outlet,
maxie.
I found one!
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, be a dear and get the rest
of my things from my car.
I brought
the old rolly suitcase.
You used to ride on that,
remember?
Good thing I didn't let you
throw it away.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Door opens ]
Are you...Retarded?
I'm sorry?
No, no. I'm sorry.
I'm not going to speak to you.
You're not well.
What is all this bullshit?
It's my Christmas stuff.
Don't touch that!
Christmas is bullshit.
"And there were in the same country
Shepherds abiding in the field,
"keeping watch
over their flock by night.
"And, lo, the angel of the lord
came upon them,
"and the glory of the lord
shone round about them:
"And they were sore afraid.
"And the angel said
unto them, 'fear not
"'for, behold, I bring you
good tidings of great joy,
which shall be to all people'"!
[ Gasps ] [ Shatters ]
[ Sighs ]
You're just full of beans,
aren't you?
Neil:
* lullaby and good night *
* go to sleep, little wheelsie *
* we are reading "planetary" *
* daddy's awesome comic book *
* but now that you're asleep *
* we can check out buck's porn *
* for some pointers
to use later *
* when we're having sex
with mom *
* what the fuck is this? *
* buck is such
a goddamned weirdo *
* I'm afraid to...Look *
wow.
Building barricades.
Did not see this coming.
Think of it
as another Gregson family quirk.
Wearing an ascot is a quirk.
This is kind of fucked up.
Mm.
I thought that you were
laughing it off.
Remember when we were kids
and we thought
mom was just being silly?
Yeah.
But...Now I'm actually
worried about her.
Something's going on.
You think
dad should lock her up.
I think that you can't keep
doing the same thing,
hoping for a different result.
Do you think you'll come home
for holidays?
I mean,
if you marry Evan and all?
Ugh! Dude!
Dating.
Okay, well, when...
when you really, really leave,
will you ever come home?
Will you?
Lionel had this calendar,
these, um, Norman Rockwell
pictures, paintings.
So stupid.
And there's this picture
where this kid finds
a Santa costume
in his dad's drawer.
Wonder what he would have
painted if he grew up here.
Ohhh.
Wait. Is there
no fucking Santa claus?
[ Both laugh ]
Lemonade.
Crunchy ice.
Both: Sip it once.
Sip it twice.
* lemonade, crunchy ice *
* make it once, make it twice *
* turn around,
touch the ground *
* kick your boyfriend
out of town *
* and freeze *
[ both laugh ]
[ Clattering ]
[ Snickers ]
Pretty, isn't it?
Well, it's all right.
When I was a little girl,
we had little clip-on candles.
Real candles and real trees.
'Course, there were
more trees then...
And more firemen.
What are you doing here?
What are you?
I live here.
My son lives here...
and his children.
And his wife.
So, you're his wife
all of a sudden?
Kiss my ass.
I missed your wedding...
Tara's wedding.
Max and Tara.
Couldn't leave the house.
I was scared.
Thought if I walked
out the door, I would die.
I had days like that.
I guess I'm old now,
or maybe
I just don't care anymore.
[ Inhales deeply ]
Well, they say courage is
being scared to death
and saddling up anyway.
John Wayne said that,
and he was a draft dodger.
I should have known.
Two things
before I'm off to bed.
Everything that's happened
to your family,
your kids, your husband,
everything they are,
everything they could have been
and aren't...
it's all your fault.
And if you touch my tree,
I'll break your fucking fingers.
Nighty-night.
Ugh!
Behold!
Neil.
Sorry.
I just got caught up.
I can't believe
it's actually him.
What the hell
is this bullshit, anyway?
That's Bryce craine's grave.
You're dead.
Is everyone in your family
fucking retarded?
I think
what Max is referring to
is the impossible paradox
of you being up here
and also down there
being mulched by worms.
Although,
if you read "planetary,"
you would know
there's a... Neil!
Asshole!
You dirty, butt-licking,
scum-sucking,
fuck-faced douche bag!
Charmaine!
A-actually, when she gets
like this, just let her...
cunt! Cunt! Pfft!
Fuck. I can't spit.
Hey! Wait in the car!
Maybe we should...
pfft! Pfft!
Yeah, we'll wait in the car.
Sorry. Sorry.
Charmy, charmy.
Pfft!
Okay.
Fucking asshole!
Here we go.
Fuck!
That could be anyone
down there.
Could be, but it's not.
That there is Bryce craine,
son of Frank, stepmother bev,
half sisters
Charmaine and Tara.
Well, I don't believe you.
That's the guy that did it!
Tara, all the shit that happened
to you... that's him.
It was me. I did it.
I'm the one.
You want to read the obit?
He fucking killed himself.
He put a gun to his chin
on Christmas
'cause he couldn't live
with what he'd done,
how he hurt you
and your family...
just like you're doing
right now.
Well, she deserves it.
She deserves a chance
for some peace,
to be fucking happy.
You know, she's not
so fucking innocent, Max.
God damn it,
I-I want to talk to Tara.
You want to put her away.
I want to tell her
that I love her.
No.
You're not gonna win, Bryce.
I'm not gonna let you win.
She wanted it to happen, Max.
Ever think of that?
It's why she never told.
Look what I found.
[ Clears throat ]
See that boy?
[ Jingling ]
[ Laughs ]
That was a happy boy.
He still believes
in Santa claus.
You shouldn't have to
go through all this with Tara
or...Whoever that is.
I'll figure it out, ma.
It's no big deal.
No, you won't.
You'll try and you'll try,
but crazy is crazy.
I know, Max.
Your father...
yes, yes, your father
knew things couldn't...
hey, ma, why are you
always defending him?
I'm not defending him.
He left.
He had no choice.
Ma, he had a choice.
You need to leave, Max.
You need to leave her and...
no.
No, I'm not doing that.
The only thing your father
did wrong was leave you behind.
That's true, and you know it.
You keep Marshall
here in this mess,
and he'll waste his entire life
trying to fix something
he didn't break.
That's true, too.
Seen it myself.
Fuck you doing in my room,
sporto?
Could ask you
the same question.
Bet you won't.
Where you going?
Well, there's a big gay parade
outside.
I thought you were in it, too.
[ Chuckles ]
You're not funny.
And you're not smart.
What the fuck is your problem?
Oh, look...
it's your dead boyfriend.
Why you hiding
all this special shit?
You ashamed or something?
Yes, you're right...
I'm ashamed.
You got me... again.
How do you make it
look so easy?
Mm. Look at that.
Fools in love.
Give me that.
First love, huh?
Never forget your first love...
their hands...
Their lips...
Their eyes...
All mashed up
in some shitty car.
That's hard to forget, too.
You don't know what love is.
You're scared of it.
Ooh!
And you can't breathe
without making everyone
around you scared, too.
Well, I'm not scared of you,
so fuck off.
[ As Alice ] I know
what it's like to lose someone.
I miss don very much.
It was like
losing a piece of myself.
But the hurt fades.
And the love that you shared
will stay in your heart forever.
Doesn't matter
how long you loved him
or how well
you think you did it...
just that you loved him
with all your heart
and the best you could.
You're a wonderful boy,
Marshall.
I'm so very proud of you.
[ As Bryce ] Boom!
[ Chuckling ] Oh, my God.
That has to be
my favorite execution by far.
Well, one left, bitch boy,
and I think
you know who that is.
I need a fucking sandwich.
Get off me!
Fuck you!
[ Grunts ]
You fucker!
Oh!
[ Breathing heavily ]
[ As Tara ] I'm sorry.
[ Sobbing ] Oh, no.
Oh, my baby.
I'm so so...
oh, God.
[ Sighs ]
Organic veggies, huh?
And tennis courts.
'Round-the-clock
psychiatric care.
Yep.
Think it'll work this time?
I don't know.
New drugs, new treatments.
Right.
Hey, it's not for forever.
It's just for now.
I'll miss you.
[ Chuckling ] Well,
I'm not going anywhere.
For richer and for poorer,
right?
In sickness and in...
Health.
Max, stop.
What?
Stop.
[ Voice breaking ] I love you.
Tara.
* in the dark *
ta... Tara!
* we have no bodies *
fuck!
* we have no worries *
* we have no limbs *
* in the dark *
* callous footsteps *
* tread thin waters *
* sea to land *
* let's get you safe now *
* let's get you safe now *
* oh, come away *