United States of Tara (2009–2011): Season 2, Episode 9 - The Family Portrait - full transcript

Tara and Max's relationship is at a low ebb. After their fight at the art show, Max spent the night with waitress Pammy. It was supposed to be a one night stand with no strings attached but...

PREVIOUSLY ON
"UNITED STATES OF TARA"...

HEY, GUYS, MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T
DO THIS IN HERE.

ART, BATHROOMS, DRUGS.

[ SNIFFS ]

HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN
AN EGYPTIAN GUY?

HE'S ABOUT 30 YEARS OLD,
H-H-HE'S REALLY GOOD-LOOKING,

AND HE'S WITH, LIKE,
A BLOND GUY?

TOOT TOOT?

CHARMAINE'S PREGNANT
WITH YOUR BABY.

WHAT?

CONGRATULATIONS, CHARM.
YOU OFFICIALLY HAVE NO SOUL.



THE BABY ISN'T MINE?
IT'S -- IT'S NEIL'S?

BIOLOGICALLY.

BUT THE BABY'S YOURS
SPIRITUALLY.

THERE'S HUNDREDS MORE GUYS
JUST LIKE HIM.

I DO SHIT,
AND THEY BUY ME STUFF.

[ GASPS ]

[ FIREWORKS EXPLODING ]

[ Voice breaking ]
BUCK, I LOVE YOU.

[ Sobbing ] I LOVE YOU.

MY GOD. I JUST WANTED
SOME SPACE TO BE ABLE TO --

YOU WANT SOME SPACE?!

YOU WANT TO HAVE
A LITTLE TIME TO DO YOUR THING?!

YOU TAKE ALL THE FUCKING TIME
YOU WANT.

Pammy: WE'RE CLOSED.



ONE LITTLE DRINK.
COME ON.

* OPEN UP THE SKY *

* THIS MESS IS GETTING HIGH *

* IT'S WINDY,
AND OUR FAMILY NEEDS A RIDE *

* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE *

* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *

* I KNOW WE'LL BE FINE *

* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *

* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE *

* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *

I'M GONNA HAVE TO
THROW YOU OUT OF HERE

IN ABOUT TWO MINUTES,
MAX.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

JUST NICE TO HAVE SOMEPLACE
TO LAND THAT ISN'T HOME.

WE DON'T REALLY
KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL.

WHAT HAPPENED
AT THIS ART SHOW?

WHAT COULD HAPPEN
AT AN ART SHOW?

SHE SIGNED HER NAME
"TARA CRAINE"

TO THIS SCULPTURE --
HER MAIDEN NAME.

LOOK, I'VE BEEN MARRIED
TO THIS WOMAN

WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES
FOR YEARS, AND...

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME

SHE SEEMS
LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON.

A DIFFERENT PERSON THAT DOESN'T
SEEM TO LIKE ME VERY MUCH.

AND I'M NOT SURE
I LIKE HER.

SO, HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE
OR PERSONALITIES DOES SHE HAVE?

AS OF TODAY,
I DON'T KNOW.

SIX, SEVEN --
I'M NOT SURE.

MAN,
THAT'S SO CRAZY.

MM-HMM.

SO, WHY'D YOU COME
HERE?

I WANTED A BEER.

I WANTED TO MAKE SURE
YOU WERE ALL RIGHT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU WERE WORRIED
ABOUT ME?

YEAH.

I WAS.

TARA FUCKS OVER
A LOT OF PEOPLE.

YOU ONCE, ME TONIGHT.

I JUST --
I THOUGHT OF YOU.

[ BOTTLE THUDS ]

OH.

IS IT CLOSING TIME?

NO, MAX.
IT'S NOT CLOSING TIME.

CLOSING TIME
WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

[ BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY,
MOANING ]

ALL RIGHT.

IT'S JUST
A ONE-TIME THING, MAX.

I KNOW THAT.
IT'S JUST FOR TONIGHT.

OKAY, WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO DO?

SIT ON A CAKE?
SIT ON A BALLOON?

MASH POTATOES
WITH MY ASS?

I'M YOUR PRINCESS
VALHALLA HAWKWIND,

AND YOUR WISH
IS MY ULTIMATE COMMAND.

C-Can we just talk
for a second?

SURE, WE CAN TALK
FOR 15 MINUTES

IF YOU GO ON MY ONLINE WISHLIST
AND CLICK ON...

LET ME SEE...

THE NEW
SONIC YOUTH BOX SET.

KIND OF A BARGAIN,
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

FOR 15 MINNIES
OF PRINCESS FACE TIME.

SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT...

ZACH?

Uh, h-how did you
end up doing this?

BEING
A RENEGADE PRINCESS?

WELL,
IT IS A LONG TALE.

MY FATHER,
THE EVIL KING FREDDWYRDE,

KEPT ME AS A CAPTIVE --

Um, doing this --

pretending to be a princess
online for money.

WELL, I JUST KIND OF
FELL INTO IT, I GUESS.

Do you ever do it
without your costume on?

NAKED?

No, in your real clothes.
As you.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
Tara: KATE?

Is there any way
for me to talk to you
as who you really are?

PLEASE TO CLICK
ON BOX SET, SIR.

Would you ever...
meet in person?

FUCK OFF, FREAKSHOW!

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

KATE?

MOM, LEAVE ME ALONE!

HEY...PRINCESS.

HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR DAD?

DIDN'T HE COME HOME
WITH YOU?

MNH-MNH.

WELL,
WHAT DID YOU DO, MOM?

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

YOU WERE MISSED,
BY THE WAY.

REALLY?
I WAS MISSED?

MM-HMM.

YEAH, WELL,
TELL THE MUNCHKINS IN KC-MO

THAT DOROTHY MISSES THEM, TOO,
BUT SHE'S SURE

THAT THEY'RE DOING FINE
WITH HER NEW REPLACEMENT.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO,

SO...
IF YOU DON'T MIND...

OKAY. SORRY.
I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

Hey. You came back.

I FUCKING HATE
MY EXISTENCE.

Shoot yourself
and walk away.

Meaning, change.

It's your life.

OKAY.

IF YOU DID
WANT TO MEET UP...

WHERE EXACTLY
WOULD YOU WANT TO?

YOU KNOW, YOU SPENT
A LONG TIME WITH NEIL.

WHAT WERE YOU TWO
TALKING ABOUT?

NOTHING!

HIS AUNT JUST FOUND OUT
SHE HAS CANCER!

AND HE GOT THE NEW
"BEATLES: ROCK BAND" FOR WII.

I DON'T KNOW -- STUFF.

[ BOX THUDS ]

HEY!
CAREFUL WITH THAT!

CHARMAINE, LISTEN TO ME.
LISTEN TO ME.

THIS IS
MY SISTER'S WORK OF ART.

LISTEN TO ME.

WHAT?

[ SIGHS ] I CAN HANDLE
GIVING NEIL A RIDE HOME,

BUT I CAN'T HANDLE THE TWO
OF YOU CATCHING UP ON "STUFF"

FOR 10 MINUTES
WHILE I WAIT IN THE CAR.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE
GIVING HIM A RIDE.

MAX LEFT HIM THERE
LIKE A CONE.

I DON'T CARE!

HE TOLD YOU
TO GET AN ABORTION.

WHY ARE YOU EVEN
GIVING THIS GUY THE TIME OF DAY?

[ LAUGHS ]

I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

I WANT YOU TO GET HIM
TO SIGN SOMETHING

SAYING
HE'S NEVER GONNA COME BACK

AND TRY TO BE
A FATHER TO OUR KID.

THEN I WANT YOU
TO STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM.

I THINK
YOU BROKE THIS A LITTLE.

WHAT THE HELL
DOES THAT MEAN, ANYWAY --

"LEFT HIM THERE
LIKE A CONE"?

LIKE AN ICE-CREAM CONE
ON A PARK BENCH.

HE LEFT HIM THERE.

YOU DID BREAK THIS!

I'LL FIX IT TOMORROW.

[ GROANS ]

[ SIGHS ]

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WENT FOR A DRIVE.

PRETTY LONG DRIVE.

YEAH.

WELL, I STOPPED
FOR A PRETTY BIG BEER.

YEAH, WELL,
I CAME HOME AND...

DECIDED TO DO
A FAMILY PORTRAIT.

YEAH?
WHOSE FAMILY -- LYNDA'S?

OR THAT
ART-GALLERY OWNER

WHO YOU WERE
WAGGING YOUR TAIL FOR?

I KNOW YOU FELT...

LEFT OUT TONIGHT.

[ SCOFFS ]

TONIGHT?

I'VE BEEN FEELING LEFT OUT
SINCE YOU BEEN HANGING OUT

WITH THOSE FREAKS
DOWN AT THAT NUTHOUSE.

YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT I'M BACK,

AND I WANT TO,
YOU KNOW, BE HERE.

PLUS,
THAT ART-GALLERY OWNER

ASKED ME TO DO SOMETHING
FOR HIS PORTRAIT SHOW,

SO...

[ SIGHS ]

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

YOU WANT TO KNOW
THE TRUTH?

I WASN'T KIDDING
WHEN I SAID...

I THOUGHT
YOU WERE AN ALTER.

I'M REALLY WORRIED.

YOU THINK I'M AN ALTER?

ME?

LIKE, NOW?
[ LAUGHS ]

IT DOES SEEM LIKE THE PERSON
WE'VE BEEN DEALING WITH

SINCE YOU STARTED THESE NEW MEDS
ISN'T REALLY YOU.

I'M GONNA TAKE
A SHOWER.

AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT?

YEP.

[ SIGHS ]

HEY, MARSH.
MOM'S FAMOUS OATMEAL?

MM,
NOT THAT HUNGRY.

ESPECIALLY
NOT FOR OATMEAL,

WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY
CONCRETE DIARRHEA.

BUT THANK YOU.

OKAY. YOUR LOSS.

OH, HEY,
WHEN YOU GET HOME,

WILL YOU SIT FOR ME
AWHILE?

I'M GONNA SET UP A LITTLE STUDIO
AT HUBBARD'S TODAY

AND PAINT A PORTRAIT
OF THE WHOLE FAMILY.

IT'D JUST BE AN HOUR
AFTER SCHOOL.

WELL, LIONEL AND I
WERE GONNA GO TO THE MALL.

HE GOT A CHECK
FROM HIS DAD IN OMAHA,

AND HE WANTS
TO BLOW IT, SO...

HONEY, I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN
AROUND THE HOUSE MUCH LATELY,

AND MAYBE
I HAVEN'T EXACTLY BEEN MYSELF.

BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I'M BACK.

I KNOW.

IT'S "CAT'S IN THE CRADLE," MOM.
IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT.

WE'LL TALK LATER.
IT'S FINE.

[ PANTING ]

WAY TO GO,
MONSIEUR VALMONT.

HEY, TED.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU AND YOUR LITTLE PAL
THE MARQUISE DE MERTEIUL

MUST BE PRETTY PLEASED
WITH YOURSELVES.

MR. MAYO,
IS THERE SOMETHING --

HANY LEFT ME,
MARSHALL.

LEFT YOU
AS IN "BROKE UP"?

AS IN "SHOUTING IN ARABIC
AND PACKING HIS BAGS."

AS IN "NEVER COMING BACK
TO FUCKING KANSAS."

WHEN?
LAST NIGHT.

AFTER HIS LITTLE DRUG ADVENTURE
WITH YOU AND YOUR POSSE

IN THAT BATHROOM
DOWNTOWN,

I HAD TO GO
GET MY CAR OUT OF IMPOUND.

I COME HOME --
HE'S ALL ZOOMED UP.

HE TOLD ME
I'VE STOLEN HIS YOUTH,

AND HE JUST TAKES OFF!

I'M...SORRY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S LIKE
WHEN HE DOES DRUGS?

WHEN I MET HIM, HE WAS
INCHES FROM SELF-DESTRUCTING.

LAST NIGHT,
HE SEEMED EVEN WORSE.

LOOK...
I HAVE TO GET TO SCHOOL.

[ Mockingly ] OH, GO.

GO.
BY ALL MEANS, LEARN.

OH, AND YOU TELL
THAT LITTLE BITCH LIONEL

I HOPE HE GETS THE CLAP!

OTHER PEOPLE ARE REAL,
MARSHALL!

YOU CAN'T JUST
FUCK AROUND WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

WE'RE ALL REAL.

SO, IS THIS
WHERE YOU MEET

ALL YOUR ONLINE HOOK-UPS
FOR LUNCH?

I'VE NEVER DONE THIS
BEFORE.

I HAVEN'T.
IT'S JUST CLOSE TO MY OFFICE.

WE CAN GO SOMEPLACE ELSE,
IF YOU WANT.

THERE'S A BARNABEEZ
DOWN THE STREET --

NO, I'M COOL.

JUST GETTING ACCLIMATED.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

UM, DOES THE WORD "YOGOHUT"
MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

THE FROZEN-YOGURT
PLACES?

YEAH.

YOU WORK AT ONE?

I OWN THE CHAIN.

[ CHUCKLES ] I SERVE UP
THE BEST FROZEN YOGURT

IN THE WHOLE
KANSAS CITY METRO AREA.

BETWEEN TROLLING THE WEB
FOR MYTHICAL VIXENS WITH HORNS.

IN BETWEEN TRYING TO STAY
INTERESTED IN BEING ALIVE.

THANK YOU.

IF I COULD GET A LITTLE
ANGOSTURA BITTERS FOR MY COFFEE,

THAT'D BE GREAT,
THANKS.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

BESIDES THE HAWKWIND
PORN-LITE SHUFFLE ONLINE?

I DON'T KNOW.

STEW.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ As Shoshana ]
IT'S NO PICNIC, IS IT?

YOU TURN MY OFFICE
INTO AN ART STUDIO,

YOU THINK I'M NOT GONNA SHOW UP
AND KVETCH A LITTLE?

I DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU'D COME BACK
AFTER MAX TORE THE PLACE UP.

HONEY,
I LIVED THROUGH FIESTAWARE.

I'M LIKE THE COCKROACH --
I PERSIST.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I SEE YOU'RE HAVING A HARD TIME
TRYING TO PAINT A PORTRAIT

OF A FAMILY
YOU'RE NOT REALLY SURE EXISTS.

MM, IT'S TERRIBLE.

EVERYONE FEELS
SO FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.

AND THERE'S SOMETHING WEIRD
GOING ON WITH MAX, TOO.

I FEEL IT.

BECOMING A WHOLE PERSON
CAN BE LONELY.

BUT IT'S
THE ONLY WAY OUT.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY
OUT OF THE BASEMENT.

YEAH, BUT MAX THINKS
I'M AN ALTER.

THAT'S THE ONLY LANGUAGE
HE HAS

FOR UNDERSTANDING
HOW YOU'RE CHANGING.

THAT, I'M NOT
TOO WORRIED ABOUT.

BUT YOU KNOW I'M ME,
RIGHT?

STOP.

MAX HAS LIVED WITH YOU
ALL THESE YEARS.

HE'S SEEN ALL THOSE ALTERS
COMING AND GOING.

THAT IS NOT
THE ISSUE HERE.

WHEN HE SAYS
"I THINK YOU'RE AN ALTER,"

HE MEANS, "I FEEL LIKE
YOU DON'T LOVE ME."

BUT HOW DO I
CONVINCE HIM I'M ME?

WELL,
MAYBE YOU CAN'T.

AND MAYBE --
JUST MAYBE --

HE'S NOT REALLY
WAITING TO BE CONVINCED.

LISTEN.

WE NEED TO PUT
A FEW JELLYBEANS IN HIS JAR,

MAKE HIM FEEL GOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET ME HANDLE THIS.

MM...I'M NOT SURE
THAT'S THE BEST IDEA.

HE'S FEELING REALLY
ALTERED-OUT RIGHT NOW.

TARA, I'M A DOCTOR...

WITH --
LET'S JUST SAY IT --

AN IMPECCABLE
BEDSIDE MANNER.

AND MAX IS VERY MUCH
IN NEED RIGHT NOW

OF A FIRM,
GENTLE HAND.

TRUST ME.

I KNOW WHAT TO DO.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I'M NOT SIGNING
ANYTHING.

YOU TOLD ME
TO GET AN ABORTION!

OKAY, BUT NOW YOU'RE NOT
GETTING ONE, SO MAYBE SOMEDAY --

NO, NO, NO! "MAYBE SOMEDAY"
BELONGS TO ME NOW, NEIL.

YOU FORFEITED
YOUR "MAYBE SOMEDAY"

WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO HAVE MY BABY
SUCKED OUT WITH A VACUUM

AT THAT PLACE BEHIND THE CANDLE
SHOP IN SHAWNEE MISSION.

BY THE WAY...

I TALKED TO THE DOCTOR,

AND IT DOESN'T HAVE
DOWN SYNDROME

AND IT DOESN'T HAVE
MAPLE-SYRUP URINE SUGAR DISEASE.

AND IT DOESN'T HAVE
A PENIS.

I-I-IT'S A GIRL?

WE'RE --
WE'RE HAVING A GIRL?

YEAH.

WE'RE HAVING A GIRL.

AND YOU COULD HAVE TAUGHT HER
TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES

AND, UM...

MAKE MODELS.

BUT, UM,
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

YOU'LL BE HEARING
FROM OUR LAWYER.

YEAH, TELL MIGUEL
TO USE THE WHOLE THING.

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

YEAH?

HOW COME YOU DON'T ANSWER?
I'VE BEEN CALLING AND CALLING.

UM...

I DON'T ANSWER
BECAUSE I'M WORKING.

WHEN CAN I SEE YOU
AGAIN?

PAMMY [SIGHS]
YOU SAID LAST NIGHT --

I changed my mind.

THOUGHT I'D GIVE YOU A CHANCE
TO CHANGE YOURS.

[ SCOFFS LIGHTLY ]

BOY, YOU'RE JUST LIKE BUCK,
AREN'T YOU?

YOU GUYS BELONG TOGETHER.

HEY, I'M GOING THROUGH
A LOT RIGHT NOW.

SO AM I.

YOU KNOW, NOBODY NORMAL
WANTS ME MORE THAN ONCE.

CRAZY PEOPLE WANT ME,
LIKE, FIVE TIMES.

NORMAL PEOPLE -- ONCE.

Look, Pammy.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW ELSE TO SAY THIS.

IT WAS A MISTAKE.
I WISH I HADN'T HAVE DONE IT.

I'M SORRY.

YEAH, I'M SORRY, TOO.

[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]

[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

IT'S BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED
AT THE ART SHOW.

THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

TED MUST HAVE CALLED
MRS. FOX

AND TOLD HER
HE SAW US DOING DRUGS.

[ CHUCKLES ]
WHAT, AS REVENGE

FOR LOSING
HIS CHILD BRIDE OF THE NILE?

GIVE ME A BREAK.

I'M SURE
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

AND I DESERVE IT, TOO.
I KNEW --

MARSHALL
JESUS CHRIST GREGSON.

WHAT?

THAT CHUBBY, OLD QUEEN
GOT THE DEAL OF A LIFETIME

TAPPING THAT TIGHT ASS
FOR THE FIVE YEARS HE GOT TO.

THIS...
IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

FEELS LIKE IT IS.

BECAUSE LIVING WITH YOUR MOM
ALL THESE YEARS

HAS TRAINED YOU
TO THINK THAT WAY.

SOMETIMES,
OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT

IS JUST THEIRS.

YOU'RE SO WRONG,
IT'S ADORABLE.

[ CHUCKLES LIGHTLY ]

[ DOOR OPENS ]
Mrs. Fox: BOYS?

[ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ]

GOOD AFTERNOON.

GOOD AFTERNOON,
MRS. FOX.
GOOD AFTERNOON,
MRS. FOX.

I'M SURE
YOU'VE HEARD OF AIDS.

IT'S NOT SPREAD
BY SNORTING DRUGS.

AND THAT'S GOOD NEWS.

BUT AS THE DISEASE IS STILL
A CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER,

THE COUNTY'S
AIDS AWARENESS PROGRAM

HAS GIVEN THE SCHOOL
10,000 CONDOMS

IN EVERY COLOR
OF THE BELOVED RAINBOW.

OBVIOUSLY,
WHEN I THINK OF AIDS,

I THINK
OF YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.

OH, WELL,
I...GUESS WE'RE FLATTERED?

MEANING, LIONEL,

I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT SAFE SEX IS
TO YOUR LITTLE COMMUNITY,

SO I THOUGHT
YOU TWO MIGHT LIKE

TO HEAD UP THE EFFORT
TO DISTRIBUTE THEM.

WE COULD DO THAT.
SURE.

MAKE SOME POSTERS
ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE
OF PROPER CONDOM USAGE.

YOU KNOW, NOTHING SPLASHY
OR IN-YOUR-FACE.

[ SCOFFS ]
WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT.

NO MORE
THAN 10 PER STUDENT.

THEY'LL ALL FIND
WARM, HAPPY HOMES.

THANK YOU.

YOU TWO MAY GO NOW.

THANK YOU.THANK YOU.

"NOTHING TOO SPLASHY
OR IN-YOUR-FACE"?

I'LL SPLASHY IN YOUR FACE
IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

TARA?

TARA?

HOW COME
YOU DIDN'T ANSWER ME?

[ As Shoshana ] BECAUSE, MAX,
TARA'S NOT MY NAME.

SHOSHANA.

LET'S HAVE
A LITTLE SIT-DOWN.

[ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ]

THANKS
FOR THE RIDE HOME.

OF COURSE.

THANKS FOR NOT TAKING ME
TO A QUARRY AND DISMEMBERING ME.

[ Laughing ] ANYTIME.

[ GIGGLES ]

LOOK, I KNOW I DON'T KNOW YOU
THAT WELL, AND...

I KNOW THAT WE MET UNDER
KIND OF...ODD CIRCUMSTANCES,

BUT...

YOU SEEM REALLY SMART.

WHICH, TO ME,
IS A PRIORITY.

AND YOU'RE...REALLY...
AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL.

[ GIGGLES ]

SO IF YOU EVER
GET TIRED

OF PRETENDING
TO BE A PRINCESS ONLINE

AND YOU WANT TO BE TREATED
LIKE ONE FOR REAL,

I'D LOVE TO BE
THE GUY TO DO IT.

THAT'S ALL.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I WILL DEFINITELY
TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.

PERFECT.

HERE IS MY CARD.

"YOGOHUT."

YOGOHUT.

WONDERFUL.

THANK YOU.

BYE.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

MAX.

YES, SHOSHANA?

DO YOU TRUST ME?

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

OH, AS MUCH AS I TRUST
ANY OF TARA'S ALTERS, SURE.

AS A SPECIALIST
OF THE HUMAN BRAIN, THOUGH,

DO I HAVE
SOME...AUTHORITY?

SOME.

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH THE PHRASE

"THE DARK
BEFORE THE DAWN"?

I'VE HEARD IT.

TARA'S GETTING
VERY CLOSE

TO KNOWING SOME IMPORTANT
THINGS ABOUT HERSELF.

SHE'S GETTING TIRED
OF RUNNING.

OKAY.

AND THIS...

MAX, ALL THIS MAYHEM
AND WHAT HAVE YOU --

THE CHEATING,
THE WANDERING,

THE OBSESSION
WITH THAT ART PROJECT.

YEAH?

THIS...

THIS IS THE DARK.

SHOSHANA.

BUT THE DAWN
IS COMING.

SHOSHANA,
W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S OKAY, MAX.
RELAX.

WAIT A SECOND --
TARA AND I HAVE AN AGREEMENT

ABOUT MESSING AROUND
WITH THE ALTERS.

TARA SAID IT'S OKAY.

SHE LOVES YOU.
SHE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY.

SHE KNOWS SHE CAN'T GIVE YOU
WHAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW,

AND EVEN IF SHE COULD,
YOU WOULDN'T TAKE IT.

[ ZIPPER OPENS ]

I'M THE PART OF HER THAT WANTS
ONLY GOOD FOR YOU, MAX.

[ BELT THUDS ]

BUT I AM
A PART OF HER.

MM.

LET ME.

PLEASE.

AND THEN YOU'LL DO ME.

* IN A TRAIN *

* TO THE ASTRAL PLANE *

OHH.

WELL, WELL.
THE PRINCESS RETURNS.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S HOW
THE STORY GOES, RIGHT?

IN THE COMIC BOOK?

WELL, YEAH.

SHE DOES GO OFF
AND DO A BUNCH OF SHIT

AND COMES BACK
IN THE END.

WHAT'S ALL IN THERE?

THE HORNS, THE WIG,
THE WHOLE CRAZY NINE YARDS

OF PRINCESS VALHALLA
CRAZINESS.

AND A MAGIC BULLET.
I'M COOKED.

WHAT'S
A MAGIC BULLET?

[ SIGHS ] THE PRINCESS
GOT INTO SOME VIDEO-CHAT ACTION

AND MADE A LITTLE DOUGH
IN CASH AND PRIZES.

I BROUGHT YOU
SOME OF THE PRIZES.

DON'T WORRY --
I KEPT MY BREASTPLATE ON.

WE NEVER DISCUSSED YOU
DOING YOUR OWN THING WITH HER.

WELL,
WE NEVER DISCUSSED

YOU DOING YOUR OWN THING
WITH MY MOM.

HONEY,
THE WAY I SEE IT,

YOUR MOM DID HER OWN THING
WITH ME.

I MEAN,
SHE COMES DOWN HERE

TO GET ALL HER
TRANSFORMATIONAL SHIT DONE

AND GET HER REAL ASS
SEEN AND ACCEPTED,

AND ONCE SHE GETS
ALL SHE NEEDS --

ARE YOU
FUCKING KIDDING ME?

ARE YOU?
YOUR MOM USED ME.

AND YOU USED ME.

BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!

I ACCESSED YOU.

EVERYBODY
ACCESSES EVERYBODY.

BUT WHEN YOU DO
YOUR SOUL WORK WITH PEOPLE

AND THEN YOU HURRY HOME
AND HIDE OUT

ONCE YOUR BATTERY'S
RECHARGED, THAT'S USING.

YOU DID IT, TOO.

LIKE MOTHER,
LIKE DAUGHTER.

WHATEVER.

HEY, PRINCESS.

WHAT? GO AHEAD.
SAY SOME SHIT.

DO YOU KNOW
WHO YOU'RE MAD AT?

YEAH, LYNDA, I DO.
I'M MAD AT MYSELF.

I WANTED TO BE AN ADULT.
I SETTLED FOR A COSTUME.

DONE.

GOOD LUCK
STAYING ONE STEP AHEAD.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER, REVS ]

LIKE THE DRESSING?

YEAH, IT'S GREAT.

THANKS.

THE DIET COKE WEBSITE
IS SUDDENLY FULL OF RECIPES.

DIET COKE?

YEAH, I GUESS
IT'S HEALTHY NOW.

SO, I TALKED TO NEIL.

HE KNOWS
HE'S HAVING A DAUGHTER.

YOU MEAN
WE'RE HAVING A DAUGHTER.

RIGHT. [ CHUCKLES ]

SO, WILL HE
SIGN AWAY CUSTODY?

YEAH.

I DIDN'T GIVE HIM
MUCH OF A CHOICE.

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

I'LL HAVE DAN
DRAW UP THE PAPERS.

GOOD.

GOOD.

THERE'S DIET COKE
IN THIS DRESSING?

[ Laughing ] YEAH.

IT'S A MODERN MIRACLE,
RIGHT?

[ As Tara ]
WHAT THE HELL?

HEY.

[ GROANS ] HEY.

YOU TRANSITIONED.

OH, YEAH.

SHOSHANA?

MM-HMM.

BABY DOLL,
WE HAVE TO TALK.

I KNOW. I KNOW
YOU HAD SEX WITH AN ALTER.

IT'S OKAY.
SHOSHANA AND I ARRANGED IT.

OH, GOD. THAT'S NOT
WHAT YOU WERE GONNA SAY.

MAX...I'M ME.

I'M ME.

LISTEN TO ME.

LAST NIGHT, ON MY WAY HOME,
I WAS REALLY PISSED.

I STOPPED AT CAT FIVE'S
FOR A BEER.

YOU HAD A THING
WITH PAMMY?

YEAH.

I KNEW IT.

OH, MY GOD. MAX.

[ CAT POWER'S "METAL HEART"
PLAYS ]

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN
TO US?

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN
TO OUR FAMILY?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

* BE TRUE *

* 'CAUSE THEY'LL LOCK YOU UP
IN A SAD, SAD ZOO *

* I ONCE WAS LOST *

* BUT NOW I'M FOUND *

* WAS BLIND, BUT NOW I SEE YOU *

* HOW SELFISH OF YOU *

* TO BELIEVE
IN THE MEANING OF *

* ALL THE BAD DREAMING *

-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com