United States of Tara (2009–2011): Season 2, Episode 7 - Dept. of F'd Up Family Services - full transcript

PREVIOUSLY ON
"UNITED STATES OF TARA"...

[ GUNSHOT ]

Max: HEY, A-ARE WE SURE
THIS IS A SUICIDE?

YOU DO NOT WANT TO BUY

DON HUBBARD'S
FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE.

HA HA!
ESCROW JUST CLOSED.

YOU NEED
A REAL CARPENTER.

HOW MUCH MONEY DID YOU GIVE HIM
FOR MATERIALS?

SULLY!
GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK.

KIDS,
GO BACK INSIDE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?

WE HAVE A WARRANT
FOR YOUR HUSBAND'S ARREST.



I'M HAVING MEMORIES.

IT'S THE HUBBARD HOUSE
THAT'S MAKING IT HAPPEN.

WE'VE GOT
SOME BIG NEWS.
WE'RE PREGNANT!

FOUND OUT TODAY
THAT THE BABY'S NOT NICK'S.

IT'S NEIL'S.
WHAT?!

IT'S MY PRINCESS VALHALLA
COSTUME.

HOW LONG
HAVE YOU LIVED HERE?
WHAT DO YOU REALLY
WANT TO KNOW?

Kate: LYNDA AND I
ARE SETTING UP A TABLE

AT THIS COMIC SHOP
IN KC-MO

TO SELL PICTURES OF ME
FOR MONEY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GET WITH EVERY FEMALE

WHO CRUSHES ON YOU,
MARSHALL.

COURTNEY, I DON'T WANT
TO PUT MY BONER IN --

DO THAT STUFF WITH BOYS,
AND THEN COME HOME TO ME.
DO YOU SEE
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?



Weatherman: A LARGE CELL
HAS MOVED THROUGH THE AREA.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
HUBBARD'S BASEMENT. IT'S BIGGER.
COME ON. LET'S GO.

[ As Shoshana ]
YOU'RE NOT WORRIED
ABOUT NEIL'S BABY, ARE YOU?
YOU MEAN NICK'S.

[ GROWLS ]

AAH!AAH!
AAH!AAH!

WHAT ABOUT THE TORNADO?

[ As Tara ] IT'S OVER.
WHERE'S MOM GOING?

Max: SHE'LL BE BACK.

* OPEN UP THE SKY *

* THIS MESS IS GETTING HIGH *

* IT'S WINDY,
AND OUR FAMILY NEEDS A RIDE *

* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE *

* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *

* I KNOW WE'LL BE FINE *

* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *

* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE *

* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

[ GROANS ]

[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]

MAX: Hello?

Tara?

MAX?

W-WHERE ARE YOU?
ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'M -- I'M --
I'M FINE.

I've been worried about you
all night.

I SEEM TO DO THAT
TO PEOPLE.

I just got a call.

Guess who's paying us
a visit at 1:00.

Department
of Family fuckin' Services.

It's the Sully thing.

COURT'S SENDING SOMEONE OVER
TO CHECK ON THE KIDS --

MAKE SURE
I'M NOT AN UNFIT PARENT.

[ SIGHS ]

TARA?

Hello?

YEAH, YEAH.
I'M -- I HEARD YOU.

HONEY,
Y-YOU GOT TO COME HOME.

THIS GUY'S GONNA BE HERE
IN ABOUT FIVE HOURS.

AND THAT TORNADO
WAS NOT OUR FRIEND.

Someone --
let's call her "Kate" --

left the back door open.

There is dirt and shit
all over the place.

HOW BAD IS IT?

[ SIGHS ]

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
YOU WERE IN NEW ORLEANS?

Okay.

I'M ON MY WAY.

[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]

[ GROANS ]

YOU CAN DO THIS, MARSHALL.
YOU JUST HAVE TO BE DIRECT.

TELL COURTNEY
WHAT'S WHAT.

YEAH, AND IF SHE STILL
WON'T GO AWAY,

TELL HER
THAT FUCKING HER

WAS LIKE FUCKING A RUSTY CAN
FULL OF THUMBTACKS.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO HATE WOMEN
TO LOVE MEN, LIONEL.

YEAH.

STILL CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU BURIED THE BONE
IN HER FRONT YARD.

[ SIGHS ]

I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT ELSE I CAN SAY TO HER.

SHE HAS THIS CRAZY IDEA THAT
A STRAIGHT WOMAN AND A GAY MAN

CAN LIVE HAPPILY TOGETHER,
EVEN THOUGH IT'S A LIE.

SHE'S JUST TAKING A PAGE
OUT OF THE PLAYBOOK

OF DOROTHY NELSON REILLY.

[ DOOR OPENS, BELLS JINGLE ]

SO, I GUESS
THIS ISN'T A DATE.

YOU BROUGHT
YOUR BOYFRIEND?

I WAS HOPING WE'D DO THIS
LIKE EUROPEANS,

WHERE HE AND I WOULDN'T MEET
UNTIL YOUR FUNERAL.

Hany: FOR THE RECORD,

MARSHALL AND I
ARE JUST FRIENDS.

I'M HANY.

CHARMED.

[ VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING ]

[ HUMMING STOPS ]

WOW.

YOU ACTUALLY MANAGED
TO UNDERSELL THIS.

I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK.

IT'S JUST LIFE, MAX.

I DON'T GET IT.
I'M A GOOD GUY.

I PAY MY TAXES,
I REFRAIN FROM HITTING MY KIDS,

AND I -- YOU KNOW...

YOU WHAT?

WELL, WE'RE FUCKED.
OKAY?

WE'RE JUST --
WE'RE NOT GONNA BE ABLE

TO CLEAN THIS SHIT UP
IN FOUR HOURS.

YOU THINK IT'D LOOK
BAD TO THIS GUY IF I
WAS A LITTLE DRUNK?

MAX,
THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME.

WHOEVER
THEY SEND OVER HERE

IS NOT GONNA HOLD
THE TORNADO AGAINST YOU.

UNLESS YOU CAUSED
THE TORNADO.

DID YOU CAUSE
THE TORNADO?

YEAH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ SIGHS ]

WHAT IF
IT DOESN'T GO WELL?

WITH EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON
AROUND THIS HOUSE,

WHAT IF
WE CAN'T PULL IT OFF?

OH, HEY.

STOP THINKING LIKE THAT.

WE'RE TOTAL PROS AT
CONVINCING PEOPLE WE'RE NORMAL.

I'LL GO GET KATE,

AND THEN WE'LL KNOCK THIS PLACE
INTO SHAPE TOGETHER.

YOU AND ME, RIGHT?

YOU AND ME.

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY
WANT A PICTURE WITH ME?

I'M CUTE.
I'M LOVABLE.

MY SHIT AIN'T 50.

Lynda: IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT
TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

A TRAVELING SALES REP FOR
WORLDWIDE POONANY INCORPORATED?

WHAT ARE YOU?

SHE'S PRINCESS
VALHALLA HAWKWIND.

WHAT?

YOU WANT TO TAKE
A PICTURE WITH ME?

WHAT ARE
YOUR SUPERPOWERS?

I don't have a vagina.

LET'S GO TO POPEYES
AND GET SOME CHICKEN.

I...

WE...

PLEASE GET
TO A PREDICATE.

I LIVE FOR THIS SHIT.

HERE'S THE THING.

THERE'S A THING THAT HAPPENS
WHEN TWO PEOPLE HAVE A THING.

BUT IF THAT THING
TURNS OUT NOT TO BE A THING,

UM, THE THING IS...

HELP.

OKAY, COURTNEY,
HERE'S THE DEAL.

IT'S OVER.

MARSHALL NO LONGER WANTS
A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.

IS THAT HOW YOU FEEL,
MARSHALL?

YEAH.

THAT'S ALL
YOU HAVE TO SAY?

YEAH.

FINE.

WE'RE DONE.

COULD SOMEBODY
GET ME SOME PIE?

DO YOU --

JUST GET ME
SOME FUCKING PIE!

UH, ONE PIECE OF PIE,
PLEASE?

ARE THEY GONE?

"THEY" WHO?

TARA.

OH, YEAH.
SHE'S PICKING UP KATE.

GOOD -- I MEAN,
I KNOW SHE'S YOUR WIFE,

SO I SHOULD
KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT,

BUT SHE CAN'T
KEEP HERS SHUT,

SO WHY CAN'T YOU KEEP YOUR
FUCKING MOUTH SHUT, BITCH?!

OKAY.

TIME FOR
A LITTLE CHITCHAT.

UM, I GET THE ANGER,
'CAUSE WE'RE ALL ANGRY.

BUT HERE'S THE DEAL --
THIS THING WITH NEIL,

YOU CAN'T KEEP
HIDING STUFF FROM HIM,

'CAUSE IT'S NOT COOL.

I MEAN, THE ENGAGEMENT
WAS ONE THING,

BUT COME ON --
YOU'RE HAVING THE MAN'S BABY.

THIS ISN'T A GAME.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

I KNOW.

WELL, TELL HIM,
PLEASE.

I WILL.
[ SIGHS ]

GOD.
CRAZY CRAINE WOMEN.

BETWEEN YOU
AND YOUR SISTER...

THIS SHIT WITH THIS GUY
COMING OVER --

I DON'T GOT
A GOOD FEELING ABOUT IT.

RELAX.
YOU'LL BE FINE.

IT'S NOT ME
I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

WHAT IF I DON'T WANT
TO GO HOME?

KATE, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.
NOT TODAY. DAD NEEDS US.

JUST PUT THESE CLOTHES ON,
AND LET'S GO.

IF I WAS THE REAL
PRINCESS VALHALLA HAWKWIND,

I WOULD SUMMON
THE MIGHTY SERPENT KAREK

AND I WOULD SEND YOU
BACK TO BANDALQUAIG.

AH. MAIDEN'S MOTHER
RETURNS.

HEY. LYNDA.

THAT'S ME.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU
THE WHOLE WAY OVER HERE.

I MEAN, NOT THE WHOLE WAY.
THAT SOUNDS STALKERY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OCCASIONALLY, A THOUGHT
WOULD POP INTO MY HEAD.

IT WAS NOTHING.
I JUST --

MOM.

YOU KNOW WHEN I SAW
YOU IN YOUR STUDIO
A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO?

I JUST --

I DON'T KNOW IF KATE TOLD YOU
THAT I'M ALSO AN ARTIST.

SHE HAS.

ANYWAY, SOMETHING ABOUT
THAT PLACE JUST MADE ME...

WOW, I AM BLABBERING.
I'M GONNA START OVER.

HI.

HELLO.

OKAY. APPARENTLY,
I HAVE TO LEAVE.

YES. THE PRINCESS IS NEEDED
BACK AT THE CASTLE.

OH, FLY AWAY,
MY PRETTY.

THIS HAPPENIN'
AIN'T HAPPENIN'.

THIS SUCKS.
MY LUNCH ISN'T EVEN HERE YET.

[ CHUCKLES ]

AS YOU WERE SAYING?

OH.

THAT WAS NOTHING.
SILLY.

IS THIS
WHO KATE'S SUPPOSED TO BE?

IT IS.

SHE'S PRETTY OBSESSED
WITH THIS WHOLE PRINCESS THING.

MM-HMM.

SHE GETS THAT WAY.

YOU KNOW, LAST YEAR,

SHE WAS DEAD-SET ON RUNNING
THE BARNABEEZ CORPORATION.

[ CHUCKLES ]

AND WHEN SHE WAS
IN THE FIFTH GRADE,

SHE WAS CERTAIN
SHE WAS GONNA GROW UP

TO BE
JUST LIKE ANNE FRANK.

YEAH. SHE NEVER
FINISHED THE BOOK.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

[ SIGHS ]

IS THERE A TARGET
AROUND HERE?

I DON'T REALLY KNOW
THE AREA.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
THAT I'M NOT DOING?

YOU HAD A HUGE LINE
ALL DAY.

I MIGHT AS WELL BE
HANDING OUT MY OWN FARTS.

OH, WELL, YEAH.

IT'S HARDLY EVER
ABOUT THE COMIC BOOKS.

YEAH, I KNOW -- SEX SELLS.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

WELL, MOCK IT ALL YOU WANT,
SWEETHEART.

KNATASHA KNIGHTBLADE

PUT TWO KIDS THROUGH
THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN.

DO YOU HAVE
AN E-MAIL LIST?

NO.

YOU SHOULD GET
AN E-MAIL LIST.

YOU KNOW, THAT WAY,

YOU HAVE DIRECT ACCESS
TO YOUR REVENUE STREAM.

I MADE THINGS EASIER
FOR MYSELF.

I STARTED
AN ONLINE WISH LIST.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE
A BRIDAL REGISTRY.

LET'S SAY
YOU WANT A DISHWASHER.

SO, YOU GO ON THERE,

AND YOU HELP THEM
GET OFF ONLINE.

THEY DO WHAT THEY DO,

AND VOIL? -- YOUR DISHES
ARE SPARKLING CLEAN.

OH, I'M WANING.

I NEED MY INSULIN.

[ ZIPPER OPENS ]

[ JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
JUST GIVE ME --

HEY, BUDDY, UH --

[ CLEARS THROAT ]
YOU GOT, UH, COMPANY.

DID YOU, UM...

CLEAN UP THE TRASH
IN THE FRONT YARD, LIKE I ASKED?

I WAS JUST...

YEAH.
OKAY, BUDDY.

I LIKE WHAT YOU'VE DONE
WITH YOUR LIVING ROOM.

VERY "GREY GARDENS."

I'VE GOT
A BUNCH OF STUFF TO DO.

WE NEED TO TALK.

I HAD AN EPIPHANY.

THIS MORNING,
THAT WASN'T YOU TALKING.

I KNOW YOU
BETTER THAN THAT.

SO, I STARTED THINKING --

"WHY WOULD MARSHALL
BREAK UP WITH ME?

WE HAD A SYSTEM IN PLACE.
IT WAS ALL WORKED OUT."

IT'S SO OBVIOUS.

YOUR BOYFRIEND, HAMMY,
IS BRAINWASHING YOU.

HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND.

I DON'T CARE
WHAT HE IS.

HE'S FEEDING YOU HIS OWN AGENDA,
AND YOU'RE BUYING INTO IT.

IT'S CLASSIC
STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.

COURTNEY...

WHAT?

WHAT?

I GOT TO GO.

HEY, THE GUY'S GONNA BE HERE
IN TWO HOURS.

GIVE ME A CALL
WHEN YOU GET THIS.

LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE
COMING HOME. LOVE YOU. BYE.

[ TELEPHONE BEEPS ]

HEY. DID YOU, UH,
BRING THE VAC?

OH, YEAH. I'M SORRY, MAN.
IT'S A ZOO OUT THERE.

LIKE, HALF OF METCALF AVENUE
DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE.

WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS
BEEN TALKING ABOUT IN HERE?

UH, THE ROYALS --
KANSAS CITY ROYALS.

SO, I STILL SAY
THE PROBLEM WITH THEIR PITCHING

IS YOU GOT GREINKE
AND YOU GOT SORIA AND
NOTHING IN BETWEEN.

THEY NEVER SHOULD HAVE
GOTTEN RID OF...

DOTEL.
WAH-WAH. I KNOW.

WHY DO YOU HAVE
SUCH A HARD-ON FOR THAT GUY?

WHOA! WHOA!
WHAT CAN I SAY, MAN?

I HAVE A THING FOR
TUBBY DOMINICANS WHO HAVE
A BLAZING-HOT FASTBALL.

THAT'S NOT A HARD-ON.

THAT'S ALL YOU GUYS
HAVE BEEN TALKING
ABOUT? NOTHING ELSE?

NOPE.

REALLY?

BECAUSE I THOUGHT
THAT YOU TOLD ME

YOU HAD SOMETHING
REALLY IMPORTANT TO TELL NEIL.

YEAH.
YEAH, I-I DID.

UM...

NEIL...

I...

I'M HAVING...

UH...

I'M HAVING A SURPRISE PARTY
FOR NICK FOR HIS BIRTHDAY,

AND I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU COULD BREW

SOME OF YOUR SPECIAL
HOMEMADE BEER.

YEAH, SURE. SURE.

OKAY. SO, UM,
BACK TO BASEBALL.

YOU KNOW, THEY SHOULD
JUST YANK FRANK WHITE

OUT OF THE BROADCAST BOOTH
AND PUT HIM --

HEY, HERE'S A ROYALS
FUN FACT FOR YOU.

CHARMAINE'S PREGNANT
WITH YOUR BABY.

UM...

WHAT?

WHEN -- WHEN WERE YOU
GONNA TELL ME?

I...

TAKE YOUR TIME.
I MEAN...

I...

THE -- THE KID'S
GONNA BE A MUTT.

WHAT ARE YOU --
SCOTCH-IRISH?

AND -- AND --
AND I'M HALF P-POLISH,

HALF PUNCHING BAG.

CONGRATULATIONS, CHARM.
YOU OFFICIALLY HAVE NO SOUL.

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

WHY THE FUCK
DID YOU DO THAT?

'CAUSE YOU WERE NEVER
GONNA TELL HIM.

YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!

YEAH.
I'M THE ASSHOLE.

NEIL...

OH, FUCK OFF,
CHARMAINE!

JUST WAIT! LOOK.

YOU CAN'T JUST
RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS!

[ LAUGHS ]

WOW. REALLY?

[ Laughing ]
HOLY SHIT!

OKAY, YES, YES, YES.
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU.

BUT I --

AAH!

EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED UP.
I JUS--

I'M GETTING MARRIED.

OKAY, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS
TO PLAN A WEDDING?

[ SIGHS ]

SO, WHAT DO WE DO?

WHA--

THE RIGHT THING.

GET AN ABORTION.

[ KEYS JINGLE,
TRUCK DOOR OPENS ]

NEIL!

YOU ARE CLEARLY
NOT READY FOR MOTHERHOOD.

[ TRUCK DOOR SLAMS ]

SO, THEN I TAKE OUT
THIS NEW CANVAS, AND I THINK,

SUPER PRISM!

SOPHIE'S CHOICE --

EITHER THAT
OR GIVE UP EATING FOR A YEAR.

$500 FOR A GODDAMN PROJECTOR?
FUCK YOU.

MM. YOU KNOW,
I'VE GOT AN ARTOGRAPH.

GUESS HOW MANY TIMES
I'VE USED IT.

ONCE.

WRONG. NEVER.
IT'S STILL IN THE BOX.

I JUST HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING
INSPIRED TO WORK AT HOME LATELY.

WHEN I SAW YOU AND YOUR WORK
AND THAT FUCKING WORLD YOU MADE,

I JUST THOUGHT
TO MYSELF,

"I MADE A WRONG TURN
SOMEWHERE.

HOW THE HELL DID I END UP
IN OVERLAND PARK?"

[ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY, TIME TO GO.
SAY GOODBYE.

SHIT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

UH, LISTEN, IF YOU WANT
TO BORROW MY PROJECTOR,

YOU'RE
MORE THAN WELCOME.

HELL YEAH.

WELL,
COME WITH US.
NOW?

YEAH, COME NOW.

[ VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING ]

[ HUMMING STOPS ]

STOP UNPLUGGING THE VAC!

Charmaine: I'M TRYING TO MAKE
A FUCKING PANINI!

[ HUMMING RESUMES ]

[ HUMMING STOPS ]
THAT WASN'T ME!

CUTTING IT
A LITTLE CLOSE?

[ SIGHS ] I'M SO SORRY.
THE TRAFFIC WAS AWFUL.

WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE?

MAX!

THE GUY'S GONNA BE HERE
IN AN HOUR.

I'M JUST GETTING LYNDA
A FEW ART SUPPLIES,

AND THEN
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I'LL BE OUT OF HERE
IN TWO MINUTES.

[ HUMMING RESUMES ]

Marshall:
GLAD YOU COULD JOIN US.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

MOM!

ISN'T SHE
ALWAYS THE PROBLEM?

[ SIGHS ]

[ GARAGE DOOR WHIRRING ]

OKAY.

WHEN MY SISTER
MOVED INTO MY CRAFT ROOM,

I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE TO PUT EVERYTHING,

SO I JUST THREW IT
ALL OUT HERE.

"CRAFT ROOM"?

YEAH.

[ SCOFFS ]

EXACTLY -- "CRAFT ROOM."
IT'S SO FUCKING HOUSEWIFE.

GOD, WHAT AM I --
MARTHA STEWART?

I'M GONNA MAKE SOME EARRINGS
OUT OF A PIPE CLEANER

AND TURN A PUMPKIN
INTO A CHANDELIER?

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ SIGHS ]

I ACTUALLY NEED TO GET MAX TO
TURN THIS INTO A STUDIO FOR ME.

BY THE WAY,
I'M SORRY ABOUT HIM.

HE'S NOT USUALLY SO...
[ INHALES SHARPLY ]

THERE'S A LOT
GOING ON TODAY.

YOU MEAN, YOU HAVE DAYS
WHEN THERE'S NOT A LOT GOING ON?

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ LYNDA AND TARA LAUGHING ]

UGH!

WOW.

YOU SHOULD GET BACK
TO PAINTING. THESE ARE --

OH...THANKS.
MOST OF THOSE ARE JUST...

AH. HERE IT IS.

OH!

[ GRUNTS ]

OOH, GOD.

WHO'S THIS?

I...THINK THAT'S A PORTRAIT
I MUST HAVE PAINTED

OF OUR DEAD NEIGHBOR.

WHY?

I WISH I KNEW.

WISH YOU KNEW?

[ As Alice ]
WISH I KNEW

WHY IT WAS SO IMPORTANT TO HIM
THAT WE ALL WENT AWAY.

YOUR NEIGHBOR?

DON?

NO.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

YOUR HUSBAND?

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

[ As Tara ] THIS MORNING,
I WOKE UP ON HIS GRAVE.

HIS GRAVE.

YEAH.

I DON'T...
ALWAYS UNDERSTAND

THE REASONS I DO WHAT I DO
WHEN I LOSE TIME.

HENCE THE WORD
"DISSOCIATION,"

WHICH PRETTY MUCH MEANS
I BLACK OUT A LOT.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

BUT I KEEP HOPING
THAT SOMEDAY

I'LL BE ALL HERE
ALL THE TIME.

WELL, SPEAKING AS SOMEONE
WHO IS ALL HERE ALL THE TIME,

NO, YOU DON'T.

WHY DO YOU THINK
I SMOKE SO MUCH WEED?

[ LAUGHS ]

HMM.

MY NEIGHBORHOOD HAS
THIS "FIRST FRIDAYS"
THING EVERY MONTH.

COME DOWN.
MAKE SOMETHING.

SHOW SOME SHIT
TO SOME PEOPLE AGAIN.

[ LAUGHS ]

SAY GOODBYE TO KATE
FOR ME.

LATER.

THANKS, TARA.
THANKS A LOT.

I KNOW. I'M SORRY.
I GOT CAUGHT UP.

I NEEDED YOU TODAY.

NOT TO CLEAN UP THE SHIT
FROM THE YARD

OR SWEEP UP THE GLASS.

I NEEDED YOU FOR ME!

FUCK! I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH
AROUND HERE!

[ As Alice ]
OH, MY.

HOW MARVELOUS.

OH, IT'S SO LIBERATING
BEING BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN.

WHY, IT'S LIKE
BEING HANDED THE KEYS

TO A BRAND-NEW
CHEVROLET.

THERE'S
MY LITTLE MARSHALL!

WELL,
NOT SO LITTLE ANYMORE.

YOU'VE MUSHROOMED
INTO A REAL TIGER.

HELLO AGAIN,
ALICE.

OH, I DON'T -- I DON'T
HAVE TIME FOR THIS TODAY.

AT LEAST
IT'S NOT BUCK.

HEY, ALICE, IT'S -- IT'S
REALLY NICE THAT YOU'D POP BY,

BUT I HAVE
SOME COMPANY --

DON'T YOU TOUCH ME!

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

WE ALL DO.

THROWING US IN THE TRASH,
LIKE YESTERDAY'S LEFTOVERS.

POISONING US WITH
THOSE DIRTY LITTLE PILLS.

I GOT A POSTCARD FROM T.

SHE'S LIVING
ON THE STREETS OF SEATTLE,

AND SHE REFERRED TO HERSELF
AS A GUTTER PUNK.

ALICE, CAN WE JUST --

YOU TRIED TO KILL ME.

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ]

[ SIGHS ]

ALICE,
I NEED YOU TO TRUST ME.

THERE IS SO MUCH
THAT WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT.

AND I WANT TO DO THAT.
I DO.

BUT I'M IN A LITTLE BIT
OF A PICKLE HERE.

AND RIGHT NOW, THE ONLY PERSON
I REALLY NEED IS TARA.

OH, YOU CAN'T
GET RID OF ME AGAIN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

THE PAIN YOU'VE CAUSED --
TOYING WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES

AS IF THEY'RE NOTHING MORE
THAN PAPER DOLLS.

IS THAT ALICE?

HEY, JUST...

OH, HOW NOBLE THOU ART,

SO CONSUMED WITH
PLAYING THE WHITE KNIGHT.

YOU'RE NOTHING
BUT A MURDERER.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

COURTNEY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I BROUGHT YOU
SOMETHING.

SO...THIS IS
YOUR LITTLE FRIEND.

WELL, YOU'RE A REGULAR
ROSE OF TRALEE.

COME ON IN, DEAR.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

I'LL FETCH YOU
SOME SWEET TEA,

AND WE'LL HAVE
A LITTLE GET-TO-KNOW-YOU.

MARSH, T-MINUS TWO.

KATE!

YOU HAVE GOT TO GO, OKAY?
THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME.

I'LL LEAVE.

I JUST WANT
TO GIVE YOU THIS.

IT'S A LIAR BOX.
IT'S FOR LIARS.

IT'S FILLED WITH MEMENTOS FROM
EVERY LIE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.

OUR FIRST DATE, TO THE
BUSTER KEATON FILM FESTIVAL --

LIE.

THE "MARSHALL AND COURTNEY"
DOG TAGS WE GOT AT PETCO --

LIE.

THE SCENE IN DRAMA WE DID
FROM "DUCK VARIATIONS" --

LIE!

HOW DOES ANY OF THAT
MAKE ME A LIAR?

BECAUSE!

YOU SAID
YOU CARED ABOUT ME.

YOU SAID WE WERE
GONNA MAKE THIS WORK.

NOW YOU'RE DUMPING ME.

AND ALL I WANT
IS A SIMPLE EXPLANATION.

WHY CAN'T YOU
COME CLEAN WITH ME?!

JUST BECAUSE I DON'T
SHARE EVERY THOUGHT
IN MY HEAD WITH YOU

DOES NOT MEAN
THAT I'M A LIAR!

DO YOU WANT
TO KNOW THE TRUTH?

HERE IT IS.

THIS WAS NEVER
A REAL RELATIONSHIP!

YOU ARE SO FUCKED UP.

YOU'RE SO AFRAID OF FINDING OUT
WHO YOU REALLY ARE,

YOU'D RATHER BE MARRIED
TO SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS GAY

THAN RISK BEING REJECTED

BY SOMEONE
WHO COULD ACTUALLY LOVE YOU!

YOUNG MAN, THAT'S NO WAY
TO SPEAK TO A LADY.

HOW COULD I LOVE YOU,
COURTNEY?

I'M EMBARRASSED FOR YOU!

HEY, MARSH,
KEEP IT DOWN.

BUT I DIDN'T
SAY ANYTHING,

BECAUSE I AM
A DECENT HUMAN BEING.

BECAUSE I'VE LEARNED
IN MY LIFE

THAT AS MUCH
AS I WANT TO TELL MY SISTER

THAT SHE'S NOT AS CLEVER
AND SPECIAL AS SHE THINKS SHE IS

OR TELL MY AUNT THAT
SHE'S A PATHOLOGICAL NARCISSIST

OR TELL MY DAD TO WAKE UP

BECAUSE MY MOTHER'S DISEASE
IS GONNA BURY US ALL,

IT'S BETTER TO KEEP
MY GODDAMN MOUTH SHUT!

OH, FUCK!

[ GROWLING ]

Marshall:
WHAT'S SHE DOING?

[ GRUNTING ]

COURTNEY, YOU GOT TO GO
RIGHT NOW.

I WAS...JUST THINKING
THE SAME THING.

NICE WORK, MARSH.
HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR NEW FAMILY.

[ GROWLING ]

[ VEHICLE APPROACHES ]

ANYONE?!

[ GROWLING ]
GIMME!

AAH!

[ GROWLING CONTINUES ]

[ GROWLING CONTINUES ]

[ LOCK CLICKS ]

[ BANGING ON DOOR ]

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

HELLO. WE'RE THE GREGSONS.
COME IN. COME IN.

I'M MAX, AND THIS IS
MY DAUGHTER, KATE,

AND MY SON, MARSHALL.

AND I'M MAX'S WIFE --
UH, TARA GREGSON.

[ MUFFLED GROWLING ]

THAT'S A DOG.

UH, YEAH, WE HAD TO LOCK HER
IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM.

SHE WENT
A LITTLE CRAZY

AND DID A LITTLE NUMBER
ON A PITCHER OF SWEET TEA.

WATCH YOUR STEP.

WELL, IF THAT'S
ALL THE DAMAGE YOU HAD

AFTER THAT TORNADO,
YOU DID OKAY.

MY HOUSE LOOKS LIKE
A BOMB WENT OFF.

[ NERVOUS LAUGHTER ]

OH, WELL.

AND SINCE THAT DAY,

WE NEVER GO A SUNDAY
WITHOUT BOWLING.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

WELL, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
EVERYTHING CHECKS OUT OKAY.

OH, WHAT DID I TELL YOU,
HONEY?

I'LL FILE THE PAPERWORK TOMORROW
AND TELL THE COURTS

THAT THE CHILDREN ARE
IN A SAFE ENVIRONMENT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT YOU
INTO THIS SITUATION,

BUT IF IT WERE ME,

FROM NOW ON,
I'D KEEP MY TEMPER IN CHECK.

BUT YOU'RE A BIG BOY.
IT'S YOUR LIFE.

[ GROWLS ]

YEAH.

THIS IS MY LIFE.

* TOGETHER AS A SYSTEM,
WE ARE UNBEATABLE *

* TOGETHER AS A SYSTEM,
WE'RE THE BEST IN THE WORLD *

* NO NEED FOR UNITY *

* INCREASED CONTRIBUTIONS
ARE MORE IMPORTANT TODAY *

* THAN EVER BEFORE *

* TOGETHER AS A SYSTEM,
WE ARE UNBEATABLE *

* TOGETHER AS A SYSTEM,
WE ARE UNBEATABLE *

* TOGETHER AS A SYSTEM,
WE'RE THE BEST *