United States of Tara (2009–2011): Season 2, Episode 6 - Torando! - full transcript
Tara's new alter, Shoshana, has a session with Max who is trying to make sense of it all. Marshall is having trouble ending his relationship with Courtney who is perfectly comfortable with his sexuality and wants them to remain an asexual power couple. Kate is supposed to make an appearance at a comic book store in her Valhalla Hawkwind persona. There's a tornado warning in the area and as the weather worsens, the Gregsons, their gay neighbors and Charmaine take shelter in the basement their new house next door. Tara rapidly goes through a number of her alters with Shoshana deciding they should have a group counseling session. Unfortunately, she reveals Charmaine's secret. She may also have a clue to a hidden secret from her past.
PREVIOUSLY ON
"UNITED STATES OF TARA"...
Ted:
TAKE THIS FOR A SPIN.
WRITTEN
BY MY OLD THERAPIST.
OH, THE MUCH-LAUDED
SHOSHANA SCHOENBAUM, HUH?
TILL YOU FIND
THE RIGHT DOCTOR.
YEAH,
I'LL GIVE IT A LOOK.
OKAY, WHO ARE YOU?
I'M SHOSHANA SCHOENBAUM --
TARA'S NEW THERAPIST.
THIS IS TOO MUCH.
MAX, LISTEN.
TARA MAY HAVE HER PROBLEMS,
BUT IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO.
YOU NEED TO LOOK AT YOU.
THIS IS MY BIG FISH --
LYNDA P. FRAZIER.
I THOUGHT
THAT YOU WERE HER.
[ Raspy voice ]
WELL, I'LL ALWAYS BE HER.
PRINCESS
VALHALLA HAWKWIND.
DAMN, GIRL,
YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR.
WE'VE GOT
SOME BIG NEWS.
WE'RE PREGNANT!
BY THE WAY,
I FOUND OUT THE BABY'S...
NOT NICK'S.
IT'S NEIL'S.
[ As Tara ] DO YOU REMEMBER
SOMEONE NAMED MIMI?
I HAVE THIS MEMORY OF YOU AND ME
AND THIS WOMAN NAMED MIMI.
NOPE.
IT'S OKAY, KIDS.
GO BACK INSIDE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
WE HAVE A WARRANT
FOR YOUR HUSBAND'S ARREST
FOR AGGRAVATED ASSAULT
AND BATTERY.
[ As Shoshana ]
I KNEW YOU'D BE BACK.
BUT LISTEN.
I CAN'T BE
YOUR THERAPIST.
I DON'T WANT
A THERAPIST.
I JUST WANT SOMEONE
WHO WILL LISTEN.
MM-HMM.
* OPEN UP THE SKY
* THIS MESS IS GETTING HIGH
* IT'S WINDY,
AND OUR FAMILY NEEDS A RIDE *
* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE
* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *
* I KNOW WE'LL BE FINE
* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *
* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE
* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *
Max: THINGS WERE GOING
SO WELL, YOU KNOW?
[ As Shoshana ]
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH TARA
HAD IMPROVED.
YEAH, COMPLETELY.
THEN AFTER SHE,
YOU KNOW...
CONFRONTED TRIP
ABOUT THE, YOU KNOW, THE RAPE
AND WE GOT HER
ON THE RIGHT DRUG COCKTAIL...
...THERE WAS A LIGHT
AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN A LONG TIME.
YOU KNOW?
HMM.
AND YOU DON'T SEE A
LIGHT AT THE END OF
THE TUNNEL ANYMORE?
NOT SO MUCH.
NOT REALLY, NO.
I MEAN, TARA...
SHE CHEATED ON ME
WITH THAT PAMMY WOMAN
FROM THE BAR
AND, UM...
WELL, HER ALTER -- BUCK --
HAD RELATIONS.
OKAY, FINE.
BUCK HAD AN AFFAIR,
BUT TARA KNEW ABOUT IT.
SHE KEPT IT FROM ME.
SHE LIED.
YOU FELT...LOCKED OUT.
AND SHE LIED
ABOUT FINDING A THERAPIST.
WELL, TARA DID LOCATE
A THERAPIST, MAX.
I --
I KNOW, SHOSHANA.
BUT THE THERAPIST SHE LOCATED
IS HER.
MM-HMM.
IT'S CONFUSING.
FUCKIN' "A."
AND IT SUCKS.
SO, I GOT
100 COPIES MADE,
FIGURING
WE COULD START SMALL
AND THEN THROW OUR PROFITS
INTO THE NEXT RUN.
OH, AND I CAME UP
WITH A PLAN FOR US --
LIKE, A WAY WE COULD
STAY TOGETHER, NO MATTER WHAT.
UM...
OKAY, SO, YOU KNOW
WE HAVE FUN TOGETHER, RIGHT?
HOW WE COMPLEMENT
EACH OTHER?
MAKE SHIT TOGETHER?
WE'RE A GOOD TEAM,
RIGHT?
OKAY, WE'RE A GOOD TEAM,
BUT --
SO WE HAVE TO KEEP ON
BEING A TEAM.
COURTNEY...
HOW DO I PUT THIS?
I...
I DON'T WANT
TO TOUCH YOUR BREASTS,
AND I DON'T WANT
TO PUT MY BONER IN --
I KNOW!
SO, DO THAT STUFF WITH BOYS
AND THEN COME HOME TO ME.
THERE'S A RICH TRADITION
OF MAKING THIS KIND
OF RELATIONSHIP WORK.
DO YOU SEE
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?
MOSTLY ON THE COASTS,
LIKE CLAY AIKEN
AND HIS BABY MAMA, YOU KNOW?
THEY'RE TRYING
TO TELL EVERYONE
THAT THERE'S A TORNADO WATCH
IN EFFECT,
BUT LOOK --
IT SAYS "TORANDO."
"TORANDO."
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
WHAT A BUNCH OF MORONS.
I LOVE
GETTING TO KNOW YOU, MAX.
YOU DO?
[ SIGHS ]
IF TARA
WEREN'T MY CLIENT,
WE COULD DO THIS
OUT IN THE OPEN.
BUT BECOMING YOUR THERAPIST
WHILE I'M HER THERAPIST --
IT'S, UH...
IT'S AGAINST THE RULES.
[ SIGHS ]
WOULDN'T WANT
TO BREAK ANY RULES.
I THINK
YOU'RE GOOD FOR HER.
AND I THINK YOU'RE ALSO
GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.
I NEVER THOUGHT
THAT I WASN'T.
BUT YOU MUST SOMETIMES
WONDER
WHAT YOU AND TARA
WOULD LOOK LIKE AS A COUPLE
IF SHE WERE
MORE HEALTHY.
ACTUALLY,
SOMETIMES I WONDER
IF TARA WERE HEALTHY
WHETHER WE'D...
EVEN BE TOGETHER AT ALL.
MAYBE
YOU SHOULD LET HER GO.
[ Chuckling ]
OH, LET HER GO, YEAH.
MY WIFE,
MOTHER OF MY KIDS.
YEAH.
LET HER GO A LITTLE.
SEE HOW IT FEELS.
AND NOW OUR TIME IS UP.
SO IT IS.
OKAY.
SAME TIME TOMORROW?
YEAH, OKAY.
SAME -- SAME TIME
IS FINE.
THANKS.
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
[ As Tara ]
HE'S TRYING SO HARD.
[ SIGHS ]
HAVE YOU BEEN HERE
THE WHOLE TIME?
YES.
[ SIGHS ] TARA.
I CAN'T HELP IT.
I'M HERE.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ALTER
I'VE EVER HAD
THAT I'VE BEEN SO CONTINUOUSLY
CO-CONSCIOUS WITH.
SORRY.
NO, NO.
IT'S ALL TO THE GOOD.
IT MEANS YOU'RE JUST
THAT MUCH CLOSER TO INTEGRATING.
TRUST ME, TARA.
EVEN THOUGH WE HAVEN'T BEEN
WORKING TOGETHER VERY LONG,
I HAVE A VERY GOOD FEELING
ABOUT THIS -- ABOUT YOU AND ME.
KISMET.
[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]
[ SIGHS ]
WHAT'S UNDER THE SHEET,
SHERLOCK?
IT'S MY PRINCESS VALHALLA
COSTUME.
SEE?
NOW, WHY DO YOU DO THAT?
DO WHAT?
GIVE THIS
WILLFULLY MINIMAL ANSWER
THAT JUST REQUIRES
ANOTHER QUESTION.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LYNDA AND I
ARE SETTING UP A TABLE
AT THIS COMIC SHOP
IN KC-MO
TO SELL PICTURES OF ME
FOR MONEY.
KIND OF
KILL TWO BIRDS WITH --
MONEY.
EXACTAMENTE.
THANK YOU.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
HEY, IS THAT
10 GALLONS OF WATER,
OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY
TO SEE ME?
IT'S FOR
THE GAY NEIGHBORS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING?
I AM EATING
AN UNBALANCED BREAKFAST
BEFORE I START MY DAY.
I TOLD YOU UPSTAIRS
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
THAT COMIC-BOOK THING.
DAD, IT IS MY JOB,
OKAY?
I HAVE TO COLLECT
THIS WOMAN'S DEBT.
AND IF EMBODYING HER AVATAR
AT A COMIC-BOOK STORE IS --
TORNADO WATCH
IN EFFECT.
YES, DAD.
I UNDERSTAND -- A WATCH.
NOT A WARNING,
AND IN ANY CASE, NOT A TORNADO.
I DON'T CARE.
IT'S NOT HAPPENING.
AND DON'T THINK
ABOUT TAKING HUBBARD'S CAR.
GOT THE KEYS.
FUCK.
WILL YOU TAKE ME?
NORMALLY, YES, BUT SINCE
YOUR DAD GOT BUSTED FOR ASSAULT,
I'M TRYING TO STAY
ON HIS GOOD SIDE.
PUSSY.
LOOK WHO I FOUND
ON THE DOORSTEP.
Ted: HEY, HANDSOME.
HEY.
SEE HOW
THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN.
ANOTHER
DISASTROUS CREPE?
YES!
THIS BATTER
DOES NOT HOLD TOGETHER
THE WAY RUTH REICHL OF "GOURMET"
PROMISED IT WOULD.
THAT RANDY SLUT
IS DEEPLY OFF TASK.
I'M CONSIDERING
NOT RENEWING.
UH...YOU GUYS HEARD
ABOUT THE TORNADO, RIGHT?
WHY DO YOU THINK
WE'RE MAKING CREPES, MAX?
WE'RE WOODSHEDDING.
THE PLAN WAS
TO SLATHER THESE IN NUTELLA
AND CUDDLE OUR WAY
THROUGH THE STORM.
BUT THE ONLY THING
YOU CAN SPREAD ON THESE DRIPPIES
IS DISAPPOINTMENT
AND CRITIQUE.
TELL ME
THAT'S FULL OF VODKA.
YEAH, I WISH.
WATER.
IN CASE
THE PIPES BREAK.
[ CHUCKLES ]
YOU REALLY THINK AN
EVENT OF THAT STARTLING
A MAGNITUDE IS NIGH?
WE'VE BEEN PRETTY LAX
WHEN THESE THINGS HAVE
COME THROUGH BEFORE.
I DON'T KNOW.
COULD BE BIG, TED.
IT COULD BE.
TORNADO FROM THE SAME SYSTEM
TOUCHED DOWN IN ST. LOUIS
TWO DAYS AGO --
DID MAJOR DAMAGE.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
DOES THAT SAY...
"TORANDO"?
[ SCOFFS ]
BIG DUMMIES.
I THOUGHT
DAD SAID YOU CAN'T GO.
DAD IS NOT THE BOSS
OF PRINCESS VALHALLA HAWKWIND,
NOR ANY MAN.
BLUSH.
[ Ringing ]
WELL, HOW ARE YOU
GETTING THERE?
LYNDA'S PICKING ME UP
IN A TAXI.
SHADOW.
SO, HOW'S THE BREAKUP
COMING?
IT'S KIND OF...
STILL IN PROCESS.
IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS.
YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE
FOR TWO WEEKS.
SHE'S FINE
WITH NO SEX.
OKAY, BABY STEPS.
BUT...SHE SAID SHE WANTS TO BE
A CELIBATE POWER COUPLE.
CELIBATE POWER COUPLE?
YEAH.
THAT IS THE STUPIDEST IDEA
I'VE EVER HEARD.
MAN: Channel 5 newsroom.
YEAH.
HEY, UH...
M-MY NAME'S MARSHALL GREGSON.
YEAH, I JUST WANTED
TO INFORM YOU
THAT THE WORD "TORNADO"
IS BEING SORT OF SYSTEMATICALLY
MISSPELLED ON YOUR BROADCAST.
AND YOU SAY THERE ARE NO HEROES,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE
A LOT ON YOUR PLATE
WELL, WE HAVE A HOMEGROWN HERO
RIGHT HERE IN MY BATHROOM.
WITH
THE APPROACHING STORM,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN
OVERLOOK SPELLING ERRORS.
THERE ARE MANY KANSANS --
UH, NUMEROUS IMMIGRANTS,
FOR EXAMPLE --
TO WHOM THE WORD "TORANDO"
MEANS NOTHING,
AND THEY WILL BE THE
FIRST TO SAIL AWAY WHEN
THE MIGHTY WINDS BLOW.
MARSHALL GREGSON.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION,
MOOSH.
THANK YOU.
BREAK UP
WITH CRAZYPANTS!
I'M TRYING.
[ WIND GUSTING ]
HOLY SHIT.
[ As Tara ] GEEZ.
THIS DOESN'T LOOK GOOD.
SURE DOESN'T.
PREPARE TO GET PROBED,
EARTHLINGS.
THE SKY
IS SO GREEN.
GREENAGE IS NOT A GOOD SIGN --
NOT AT ALL.
WE GOT TO GO
TO THE BASEMENT.
WHERE ARE YOU
GOING?
MAX.
HUBBARD'S BASEMENT --
IT'S BIGGER.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
COME ON.
[ AIR-RAID SIREN WAILS ]
CHARMAINE, LET'S GO!
SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT,
SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT.
COME ON!
UGH!
HOW LONG ARE WE
GONNA HAVE TO SHIT IT OUT
DOWN HERE IN THIS HOLE?
IT'S USUALLY
JUST A HALF-HOUR.
WELL, IT BETTER BE, BECAUSE
MY THING STARTS AT 10:00,
AND LYNDA SHOULD BE
PICKING ME UP IN --
UNLESS LYNDA HAS
A DEATH WISH,
I'M PRETTY SURE
SHE'S STAYING AT HOME.
IF SHE'S GOING OUT IN THIS,
SHE'S CRAZY,
AND YOU CAN'T GO
WITH HER.
[ SIGHS ]
GOT IT, POP. THANKS.
ARE YOU COMING,
AUNT CHARMAINE?
DAD, AUNT CHARMAINE
WON'T COME DOWN.
[ SIGHS ] COME ON.
LET'S GO. GET DOWN HERE.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
I CAN'T.
CHARMAINE, GET DOWN HERE!
LET'S GO!
OH, GOD-FUCKING-DAMN IT.
OKAY.
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
WE KIND OF REALIZED
A BASEMENT WOULD COME IN HANDY
'ROUND ABOUT NOW.
WE'VE GOT
DAY-OLD BAGELS.
AND NUTELLA.
PERFECT.
COME ON DOWN.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
AUNT CHARMAINE?
NOTHING.
I JUST DON'T LIKE BASEMENTS.
Hany:
SOUNDS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO ME.
CONFINED SPACES
ARE CHALLENGING.
IS IT THE PROSPECT OF
CONFRONTING HOME-CANNED VEGGIES
OR THE DRAINS IN THE FLOOR
THAT SET YOU OFF?
KATE.
I JUST DON'T LIKE BEING
UNDERGROUND, THAT'S ALL.
[ As Buck ] AH, SHIT!
[ SIGHS ]
I BETTER GET OVER
TO THE HOME DEPOT
AND SNAG SOME MASONITE
TO COVER PAMMY'S WINDOWS.
THAT GLASS
WILL CUT THOSE GIRLS RIGHT UP.
HERE WE GO.
[ WHIMPERS ]
[ As Alice ]
OH. HELLO, EVERYBODY.
ALICE.
OH, MY GOD. THIS THING
IS HAPPENING TO YOUR MOM.
THE THING IS HAPPENING
TO MY MOM, YES.
THIS REMINDS ME OF THOSE CHURCH
LOCK-INS I ATTENDED AS A GIRL.
"NO NECKING, CHILDREN."
[ LAUGHS ]
WE'LL TRY
AND RESTRAIN OURSELVES.
ALICE, WE'RE DOWN HERE BECAUSE
THERE'S A TORNADO WARNING.
I KNOW
WHY WE'RE DOWN HERE, MAX.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM...
[ As Gimme ] A WHORE?
DID SHE JUST SAY
"WHORE"?
[ GROWLS ]
[ ALL SCREAM ]
Is she done
changing?
[ As Shoshana ] WELL,
THAT WAS A LOT OF MESHUGGAAS.
I'VE HAD AN EASIER TIME
GETTING THROUGH
THE HOLLAND TUNNEL AT RUSH HOUR.
[ CHUCKLES ]
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?
THIS IS
YOUR MOM'S NEW THERAPIST,
SHOSHANA SCHOENBAUM.
Ted: THAT -- THAT --
THAT BOOK I GAVE TO --
YEAH.
BY MY OLD THERAPIST?
YEAH.
SHE TURNS INTO HER?
BEEN QUITE A JOURNEY.
SO, THE ELEMENTS
HAVE CONSPIRED,
LIKE THOSE WITCHES
IN "MacBETH,"
TO PLACE US ALL
IN THIS SITUATION --
SAFE FROM HARM,
BUT IN THE EYE OF THE STORM.
MAX,
MAKE HER FUCKING STOP.
Max: I CAN'T, CHAR.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T.
GROUP TIME.
WHO WANTS TO BEGIN?
FUCK ME.
TED REMINDED ME
OF MR. COPELAND,
MY HISTORY TEACHER
AT THE BRITISH SCHOOL
IN CAIRO, I GUESS.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN
A GREAT RELIEF TO YOU --
COMING TO A NEW COUNTRY
AND A NEW CITY
THAT HUSTLES AND BUSTLES
THE WAY THE BIG APPLE CAN
TO FIND A, UH --
HOW SHALL I PUT IT? --
A FAMILIAR FACE.
HE WAS,
ACTUALLY.
OF COURSE, THE PITFALL
OF CHOOSING SOMEONE FOR SAFETY
IS THAT WE COME TO RESENT THEM
OVER TIME.
A LITTLE.
SHE'S RIGHT.
SHE'S RIGHT.
BUT LOVE, AS I SAY IN MY BOOK,
LOVES IT ALL.
BUT LOVE HAS TO SEE IT.
LOVE CAN'T BE LEFT
IN THE DARK.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT YOU GUYS,
BUT I AM
KIND OF GROUPED OUT.
KATE.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO
TALK TO ME --
YOUR ANGER IS
A VERY PRETTY COSTUME, KATE,
JUST LIKE
YOUR COSTUME IS A COSTUME.
BUT WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW
UNDER ALL THOSE COSTUMES, HUH?
WHERE'S KATE?
GOD! CAN'T WE JUST
TAKE A MINUTE?!
I NEED
A FUCKING BREAK.
[ RADIO TUNING ]
IT'S PRETTY AMAZING,
ACTUALLY,
HOW MUCH SHE'S LIKE
THE REAL SHOSHANA.
IF BY "AMAZING," YOU MEAN
"MAKES YOU WANT TO SHOVE
A STICK IN HER EYE,"
THEN YOU'RE
TOTALLY RIGHT.
COME ON, MAX.
TRY KCSP, 610 A.M.
I TRIED IT ALREADY,
CHARMAINE. JUST RELAX.
OH, GOD,
I JUST WANT TO KNOW
WHEN WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE
TO GET OUT OF HERE.
THE ONLY REAL DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN TARA'S SHOSHANA
AND THE REAL ONE
IS THE REAL ONE'S
GOT THIS KILLER LISP.
DON'T TELL TARA THAT.
DON'T TELL TARA THAT.
YOU CALLED
THE TV STATION?
SOMEBODY HAD TO.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH
SEEING THINGS SPELLED WRONG
ON EVERY MARQUEE
IN OVERLAND PARK
AND ON
THE INTERNET BOARDS.
I MEAN, IF THE TV NEWSPEOPLE
LOSE THEIR SHIT,
WHAT'S LEFT?
I HAVE TO CONFESS --
I WAS VERY SURPRISED
WHEN I FIRST MOVED TO AMERICA
TO FIND SUCH A GENERALLY
LOW LEVEL OF STRINGENCY
WHEN IT COMES
TO SPELLING.
AND MATH.
WE'RE, LIKE, THE DUMBEST NATION
ON THE WHOLE PLANET.
I THINK IT HAS
SOMETHING TO DO WITH FREEDOM.
WE'RE VERY FREE,
SO WE'RE VERY FREE TO BE STUPID.
YOU ALWAYS BEEN
SO SMART?
KIND OF HAVE TO BE
AROUND HERE,
OR THE SYSTEM
EATS YOU ALIVE.
[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]
IT MUST BE EXHAUSTING.
IT IS.
HEY, LYNDA, IT'S KATE.
Max:
I HEAR YOU BACK THERE.
LEAVE ME ALONE!
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE STILL
GONNA GO TO THE COMIC-BOOK STORE
OR IF YOU'RE
PICKING ME UP,
BUT, UM, I'M NEXT DOOR
IN THE BASEMENT.
SO IF YOU SHOW UP,
I GUESS JUST GIVE ME A CALL
WHEN YOU PULL UP.
UM...I LEFT THIS MESSAGE
LIKE THREE TIMES,
SO MAYBE
THE TOWERS ARE DOWN.
CALL ME.
* OOH-WEE, BABY *
* WON'T YOU LET ME TAKE YOU
ON A SEA CRUISE? *
OKAY.
* I GOT TO GET TO MOVIN',
BABY, I AIN'T LYIN' *
* MY HEART IS BEATIN' RHYTHM,
AND IT'S RIGHT ON TIME *
* SO BE MY GUEST,
YOU GOT NOTHIN' TO LOSE *
* WON'T YOU LET ME TAKE YOU
ON A SEA CRUISE? *
* OOH-WEE, OOH-WEE... *
YOU'RE NOT A BAD DANCER
THERE, SHOSHANA.
YEAH. WHEN I WAS BACK AT VASSAR,
IT WAS REQUIRED --
ONE SEMESTER OF BALLROOM,
ONE SEMESTER
OF "YOUTH MOVEMENT."
* ...TAKE YOU ON A SEA CRUISE *
WE SHOULD ASK CHARMAINE
TO JOIN.
NAH, YOU BETTER
LEAVE HER BE.
MAX,
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LEARN
YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYONE
ANY FAVORS
STOPPING THINGS
FROM HAPPENING?
COME DANCE, CHARMAINE.
I DON'T WANT
TO DANCE.
OH, COME ON.
DANCE A LITTLE, DOLL.
IT'LL MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER.
OKAY, I DON'T...
WANT TO DANCE.
YOU'RE NOT WORRIED
ABOUT NEIL'S BABY, ARE YOU?
LOOK, DANCING WON'T
SHAKE THAT THING LOOSE.
Marshall: NEIL'S BABY?
Kate: HOLY SLIMY SHIT.
SHE'S CARRYING AROUND
NEIL'S BABY.
[ WIND GUSTING, ALL SCREAM ]
YOU MEAN NICK'S BABY,
RIGHT?
CHARMAINE...
YOU TOLD TARA YOURSELF
THE BABY IS NEIL'S.
[ CHUCKLES ]
DON'T LIE.
[ Laughing ] YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT...
SHOSHANA.
AND YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT.
YOU THINK
PEOPLE LIE THE WAY YOU DO
TO THE ONES THEY LOVE
FOR NO REASON AT ALL?
THEY LIE
BECAUSE IT'S A HABIT.
AND IT'S A HABIT
BECAUSE IT STARTED SOMEWHERE.
AND WE BOTH KNOW WHERE
YOUR LYING STARTED, CHARMAINE.
THAT'S ENOUGH,
SHOSHANA.
YOU AND TARA
MADE A PACT.
NO.
GOD DAMN IT,
I SAID STOP IT!
[ As Tara ]
WHY DID YOU LET US SAY THAT?
[ As Shoshana ]
BECAUSE IT NEEDS TO COME OUT.
WHAT?
WHAT NEEDS TO COME OUT?
EVERYTHING.
THIS BUSINESS OF THE SISTERS
PROTECTING EACH OTHER --
IT'S GOT TO STOP.
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,
TARA,
IT'S TIME
TO GET OUT OF THE BASEMENT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
OUR TIME IS UP.
[ GUSTING FADES ]
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]
TARA?
[ As Tara ] YEAH.
YEAH, IT'S ME.
WHAT ABOUT
THE TORNADO?
IT'S OVER.
CAN'T YOU GUYS FEEL IT?
THE PRESSURE'S CHANGED.
[ SIGHS ]
THERE IS A LIGHT
AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, MAX.
THERE IS.
[ SLOW CLUB'S "APPLES AND PAIRS"
PLAYS ]
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
* OPEN UP BOTH YOUR EYES
* STAY MINE SHUT,
I DON'T MIND *
* PYLONS BUST RIGHT OUTSIDE
* BUT ALL I HEAR IS YOU
* NERVOUS WALKS IN A PARK
* I NEVER KNEW
COULD GET SO DARK *
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
* I'M RUNNING OUT
OF THINGS TO SAY *
* WILL YOU PLEASE
START TALKING *
* ABOUT YOURSELF
OR YOUR FAMILY? *
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
* ANY FRIENDS?
I'VE GOT ONE, TWO, THREE *
* BUT THEY ARE ALL IMAGINARY
* COME AND STROKE THE AIR
* 'CAUSE WE ARE...
WHERE'S MOM GOING?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M WORRIED
ABOUT HER.
DON'T BE.
SHE'LL BE BACK.
ARE YOU SURE?
YEAH.
SHE LOVES YOU GUYS TOO MUCH
TO JUST DISAPPEAR.
"UNITED STATES OF TARA"...
Ted:
TAKE THIS FOR A SPIN.
WRITTEN
BY MY OLD THERAPIST.
OH, THE MUCH-LAUDED
SHOSHANA SCHOENBAUM, HUH?
TILL YOU FIND
THE RIGHT DOCTOR.
YEAH,
I'LL GIVE IT A LOOK.
OKAY, WHO ARE YOU?
I'M SHOSHANA SCHOENBAUM --
TARA'S NEW THERAPIST.
THIS IS TOO MUCH.
MAX, LISTEN.
TARA MAY HAVE HER PROBLEMS,
BUT IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO.
YOU NEED TO LOOK AT YOU.
THIS IS MY BIG FISH --
LYNDA P. FRAZIER.
I THOUGHT
THAT YOU WERE HER.
[ Raspy voice ]
WELL, I'LL ALWAYS BE HER.
PRINCESS
VALHALLA HAWKWIND.
DAMN, GIRL,
YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR.
WE'VE GOT
SOME BIG NEWS.
WE'RE PREGNANT!
BY THE WAY,
I FOUND OUT THE BABY'S...
NOT NICK'S.
IT'S NEIL'S.
[ As Tara ] DO YOU REMEMBER
SOMEONE NAMED MIMI?
I HAVE THIS MEMORY OF YOU AND ME
AND THIS WOMAN NAMED MIMI.
NOPE.
IT'S OKAY, KIDS.
GO BACK INSIDE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
WE HAVE A WARRANT
FOR YOUR HUSBAND'S ARREST
FOR AGGRAVATED ASSAULT
AND BATTERY.
[ As Shoshana ]
I KNEW YOU'D BE BACK.
BUT LISTEN.
I CAN'T BE
YOUR THERAPIST.
I DON'T WANT
A THERAPIST.
I JUST WANT SOMEONE
WHO WILL LISTEN.
MM-HMM.
* OPEN UP THE SKY
* THIS MESS IS GETTING HIGH
* IT'S WINDY,
AND OUR FAMILY NEEDS A RIDE *
* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE
* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *
* I KNOW WE'LL BE FINE
* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *
* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE
* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *
Max: THINGS WERE GOING
SO WELL, YOU KNOW?
[ As Shoshana ]
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH TARA
HAD IMPROVED.
YEAH, COMPLETELY.
THEN AFTER SHE,
YOU KNOW...
CONFRONTED TRIP
ABOUT THE, YOU KNOW, THE RAPE
AND WE GOT HER
ON THE RIGHT DRUG COCKTAIL...
...THERE WAS A LIGHT
AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN A LONG TIME.
YOU KNOW?
HMM.
AND YOU DON'T SEE A
LIGHT AT THE END OF
THE TUNNEL ANYMORE?
NOT SO MUCH.
NOT REALLY, NO.
I MEAN, TARA...
SHE CHEATED ON ME
WITH THAT PAMMY WOMAN
FROM THE BAR
AND, UM...
WELL, HER ALTER -- BUCK --
HAD RELATIONS.
OKAY, FINE.
BUCK HAD AN AFFAIR,
BUT TARA KNEW ABOUT IT.
SHE KEPT IT FROM ME.
SHE LIED.
YOU FELT...LOCKED OUT.
AND SHE LIED
ABOUT FINDING A THERAPIST.
WELL, TARA DID LOCATE
A THERAPIST, MAX.
I --
I KNOW, SHOSHANA.
BUT THE THERAPIST SHE LOCATED
IS HER.
MM-HMM.
IT'S CONFUSING.
FUCKIN' "A."
AND IT SUCKS.
SO, I GOT
100 COPIES MADE,
FIGURING
WE COULD START SMALL
AND THEN THROW OUR PROFITS
INTO THE NEXT RUN.
OH, AND I CAME UP
WITH A PLAN FOR US --
LIKE, A WAY WE COULD
STAY TOGETHER, NO MATTER WHAT.
UM...
OKAY, SO, YOU KNOW
WE HAVE FUN TOGETHER, RIGHT?
HOW WE COMPLEMENT
EACH OTHER?
MAKE SHIT TOGETHER?
WE'RE A GOOD TEAM,
RIGHT?
OKAY, WE'RE A GOOD TEAM,
BUT --
SO WE HAVE TO KEEP ON
BEING A TEAM.
COURTNEY...
HOW DO I PUT THIS?
I...
I DON'T WANT
TO TOUCH YOUR BREASTS,
AND I DON'T WANT
TO PUT MY BONER IN --
I KNOW!
SO, DO THAT STUFF WITH BOYS
AND THEN COME HOME TO ME.
THERE'S A RICH TRADITION
OF MAKING THIS KIND
OF RELATIONSHIP WORK.
DO YOU SEE
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?
MOSTLY ON THE COASTS,
LIKE CLAY AIKEN
AND HIS BABY MAMA, YOU KNOW?
THEY'RE TRYING
TO TELL EVERYONE
THAT THERE'S A TORNADO WATCH
IN EFFECT,
BUT LOOK --
IT SAYS "TORANDO."
"TORANDO."
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
WHAT A BUNCH OF MORONS.
I LOVE
GETTING TO KNOW YOU, MAX.
YOU DO?
[ SIGHS ]
IF TARA
WEREN'T MY CLIENT,
WE COULD DO THIS
OUT IN THE OPEN.
BUT BECOMING YOUR THERAPIST
WHILE I'M HER THERAPIST --
IT'S, UH...
IT'S AGAINST THE RULES.
[ SIGHS ]
WOULDN'T WANT
TO BREAK ANY RULES.
I THINK
YOU'RE GOOD FOR HER.
AND I THINK YOU'RE ALSO
GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.
I NEVER THOUGHT
THAT I WASN'T.
BUT YOU MUST SOMETIMES
WONDER
WHAT YOU AND TARA
WOULD LOOK LIKE AS A COUPLE
IF SHE WERE
MORE HEALTHY.
ACTUALLY,
SOMETIMES I WONDER
IF TARA WERE HEALTHY
WHETHER WE'D...
EVEN BE TOGETHER AT ALL.
MAYBE
YOU SHOULD LET HER GO.
[ Chuckling ]
OH, LET HER GO, YEAH.
MY WIFE,
MOTHER OF MY KIDS.
YEAH.
LET HER GO A LITTLE.
SEE HOW IT FEELS.
AND NOW OUR TIME IS UP.
SO IT IS.
OKAY.
SAME TIME TOMORROW?
YEAH, OKAY.
SAME -- SAME TIME
IS FINE.
THANKS.
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
[ As Tara ]
HE'S TRYING SO HARD.
[ SIGHS ]
HAVE YOU BEEN HERE
THE WHOLE TIME?
YES.
[ SIGHS ] TARA.
I CAN'T HELP IT.
I'M HERE.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ALTER
I'VE EVER HAD
THAT I'VE BEEN SO CONTINUOUSLY
CO-CONSCIOUS WITH.
SORRY.
NO, NO.
IT'S ALL TO THE GOOD.
IT MEANS YOU'RE JUST
THAT MUCH CLOSER TO INTEGRATING.
TRUST ME, TARA.
EVEN THOUGH WE HAVEN'T BEEN
WORKING TOGETHER VERY LONG,
I HAVE A VERY GOOD FEELING
ABOUT THIS -- ABOUT YOU AND ME.
KISMET.
[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]
[ SIGHS ]
WHAT'S UNDER THE SHEET,
SHERLOCK?
IT'S MY PRINCESS VALHALLA
COSTUME.
SEE?
NOW, WHY DO YOU DO THAT?
DO WHAT?
GIVE THIS
WILLFULLY MINIMAL ANSWER
THAT JUST REQUIRES
ANOTHER QUESTION.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LYNDA AND I
ARE SETTING UP A TABLE
AT THIS COMIC SHOP
IN KC-MO
TO SELL PICTURES OF ME
FOR MONEY.
KIND OF
KILL TWO BIRDS WITH --
MONEY.
EXACTAMENTE.
THANK YOU.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
HEY, IS THAT
10 GALLONS OF WATER,
OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY
TO SEE ME?
IT'S FOR
THE GAY NEIGHBORS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING?
I AM EATING
AN UNBALANCED BREAKFAST
BEFORE I START MY DAY.
I TOLD YOU UPSTAIRS
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
THAT COMIC-BOOK THING.
DAD, IT IS MY JOB,
OKAY?
I HAVE TO COLLECT
THIS WOMAN'S DEBT.
AND IF EMBODYING HER AVATAR
AT A COMIC-BOOK STORE IS --
TORNADO WATCH
IN EFFECT.
YES, DAD.
I UNDERSTAND -- A WATCH.
NOT A WARNING,
AND IN ANY CASE, NOT A TORNADO.
I DON'T CARE.
IT'S NOT HAPPENING.
AND DON'T THINK
ABOUT TAKING HUBBARD'S CAR.
GOT THE KEYS.
FUCK.
WILL YOU TAKE ME?
NORMALLY, YES, BUT SINCE
YOUR DAD GOT BUSTED FOR ASSAULT,
I'M TRYING TO STAY
ON HIS GOOD SIDE.
PUSSY.
LOOK WHO I FOUND
ON THE DOORSTEP.
Ted: HEY, HANDSOME.
HEY.
SEE HOW
THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN.
ANOTHER
DISASTROUS CREPE?
YES!
THIS BATTER
DOES NOT HOLD TOGETHER
THE WAY RUTH REICHL OF "GOURMET"
PROMISED IT WOULD.
THAT RANDY SLUT
IS DEEPLY OFF TASK.
I'M CONSIDERING
NOT RENEWING.
UH...YOU GUYS HEARD
ABOUT THE TORNADO, RIGHT?
WHY DO YOU THINK
WE'RE MAKING CREPES, MAX?
WE'RE WOODSHEDDING.
THE PLAN WAS
TO SLATHER THESE IN NUTELLA
AND CUDDLE OUR WAY
THROUGH THE STORM.
BUT THE ONLY THING
YOU CAN SPREAD ON THESE DRIPPIES
IS DISAPPOINTMENT
AND CRITIQUE.
TELL ME
THAT'S FULL OF VODKA.
YEAH, I WISH.
WATER.
IN CASE
THE PIPES BREAK.
[ CHUCKLES ]
YOU REALLY THINK AN
EVENT OF THAT STARTLING
A MAGNITUDE IS NIGH?
WE'VE BEEN PRETTY LAX
WHEN THESE THINGS HAVE
COME THROUGH BEFORE.
I DON'T KNOW.
COULD BE BIG, TED.
IT COULD BE.
TORNADO FROM THE SAME SYSTEM
TOUCHED DOWN IN ST. LOUIS
TWO DAYS AGO --
DID MAJOR DAMAGE.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
DOES THAT SAY...
"TORANDO"?
[ SCOFFS ]
BIG DUMMIES.
I THOUGHT
DAD SAID YOU CAN'T GO.
DAD IS NOT THE BOSS
OF PRINCESS VALHALLA HAWKWIND,
NOR ANY MAN.
BLUSH.
[ Ringing ]
WELL, HOW ARE YOU
GETTING THERE?
LYNDA'S PICKING ME UP
IN A TAXI.
SHADOW.
SO, HOW'S THE BREAKUP
COMING?
IT'S KIND OF...
STILL IN PROCESS.
IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS.
YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE
FOR TWO WEEKS.
SHE'S FINE
WITH NO SEX.
OKAY, BABY STEPS.
BUT...SHE SAID SHE WANTS TO BE
A CELIBATE POWER COUPLE.
CELIBATE POWER COUPLE?
YEAH.
THAT IS THE STUPIDEST IDEA
I'VE EVER HEARD.
MAN: Channel 5 newsroom.
YEAH.
HEY, UH...
M-MY NAME'S MARSHALL GREGSON.
YEAH, I JUST WANTED
TO INFORM YOU
THAT THE WORD "TORNADO"
IS BEING SORT OF SYSTEMATICALLY
MISSPELLED ON YOUR BROADCAST.
AND YOU SAY THERE ARE NO HEROES,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE
A LOT ON YOUR PLATE
WELL, WE HAVE A HOMEGROWN HERO
RIGHT HERE IN MY BATHROOM.
WITH
THE APPROACHING STORM,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN
OVERLOOK SPELLING ERRORS.
THERE ARE MANY KANSANS --
UH, NUMEROUS IMMIGRANTS,
FOR EXAMPLE --
TO WHOM THE WORD "TORANDO"
MEANS NOTHING,
AND THEY WILL BE THE
FIRST TO SAIL AWAY WHEN
THE MIGHTY WINDS BLOW.
MARSHALL GREGSON.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION,
MOOSH.
THANK YOU.
BREAK UP
WITH CRAZYPANTS!
I'M TRYING.
[ WIND GUSTING ]
HOLY SHIT.
[ As Tara ] GEEZ.
THIS DOESN'T LOOK GOOD.
SURE DOESN'T.
PREPARE TO GET PROBED,
EARTHLINGS.
THE SKY
IS SO GREEN.
GREENAGE IS NOT A GOOD SIGN --
NOT AT ALL.
WE GOT TO GO
TO THE BASEMENT.
WHERE ARE YOU
GOING?
MAX.
HUBBARD'S BASEMENT --
IT'S BIGGER.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
COME ON.
[ AIR-RAID SIREN WAILS ]
CHARMAINE, LET'S GO!
SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT,
SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT.
COME ON!
UGH!
HOW LONG ARE WE
GONNA HAVE TO SHIT IT OUT
DOWN HERE IN THIS HOLE?
IT'S USUALLY
JUST A HALF-HOUR.
WELL, IT BETTER BE, BECAUSE
MY THING STARTS AT 10:00,
AND LYNDA SHOULD BE
PICKING ME UP IN --
UNLESS LYNDA HAS
A DEATH WISH,
I'M PRETTY SURE
SHE'S STAYING AT HOME.
IF SHE'S GOING OUT IN THIS,
SHE'S CRAZY,
AND YOU CAN'T GO
WITH HER.
[ SIGHS ]
GOT IT, POP. THANKS.
ARE YOU COMING,
AUNT CHARMAINE?
DAD, AUNT CHARMAINE
WON'T COME DOWN.
[ SIGHS ] COME ON.
LET'S GO. GET DOWN HERE.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
I CAN'T.
CHARMAINE, GET DOWN HERE!
LET'S GO!
OH, GOD-FUCKING-DAMN IT.
OKAY.
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
WE KIND OF REALIZED
A BASEMENT WOULD COME IN HANDY
'ROUND ABOUT NOW.
WE'VE GOT
DAY-OLD BAGELS.
AND NUTELLA.
PERFECT.
COME ON DOWN.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
AUNT CHARMAINE?
NOTHING.
I JUST DON'T LIKE BASEMENTS.
Hany:
SOUNDS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO ME.
CONFINED SPACES
ARE CHALLENGING.
IS IT THE PROSPECT OF
CONFRONTING HOME-CANNED VEGGIES
OR THE DRAINS IN THE FLOOR
THAT SET YOU OFF?
KATE.
I JUST DON'T LIKE BEING
UNDERGROUND, THAT'S ALL.
[ As Buck ] AH, SHIT!
[ SIGHS ]
I BETTER GET OVER
TO THE HOME DEPOT
AND SNAG SOME MASONITE
TO COVER PAMMY'S WINDOWS.
THAT GLASS
WILL CUT THOSE GIRLS RIGHT UP.
HERE WE GO.
[ WHIMPERS ]
[ As Alice ]
OH. HELLO, EVERYBODY.
ALICE.
OH, MY GOD. THIS THING
IS HAPPENING TO YOUR MOM.
THE THING IS HAPPENING
TO MY MOM, YES.
THIS REMINDS ME OF THOSE CHURCH
LOCK-INS I ATTENDED AS A GIRL.
"NO NECKING, CHILDREN."
[ LAUGHS ]
WE'LL TRY
AND RESTRAIN OURSELVES.
ALICE, WE'RE DOWN HERE BECAUSE
THERE'S A TORNADO WARNING.
I KNOW
WHY WE'RE DOWN HERE, MAX.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM...
[ As Gimme ] A WHORE?
DID SHE JUST SAY
"WHORE"?
[ GROWLS ]
[ ALL SCREAM ]
Is she done
changing?
[ As Shoshana ] WELL,
THAT WAS A LOT OF MESHUGGAAS.
I'VE HAD AN EASIER TIME
GETTING THROUGH
THE HOLLAND TUNNEL AT RUSH HOUR.
[ CHUCKLES ]
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?
THIS IS
YOUR MOM'S NEW THERAPIST,
SHOSHANA SCHOENBAUM.
Ted: THAT -- THAT --
THAT BOOK I GAVE TO --
YEAH.
BY MY OLD THERAPIST?
YEAH.
SHE TURNS INTO HER?
BEEN QUITE A JOURNEY.
SO, THE ELEMENTS
HAVE CONSPIRED,
LIKE THOSE WITCHES
IN "MacBETH,"
TO PLACE US ALL
IN THIS SITUATION --
SAFE FROM HARM,
BUT IN THE EYE OF THE STORM.
MAX,
MAKE HER FUCKING STOP.
Max: I CAN'T, CHAR.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T.
GROUP TIME.
WHO WANTS TO BEGIN?
FUCK ME.
TED REMINDED ME
OF MR. COPELAND,
MY HISTORY TEACHER
AT THE BRITISH SCHOOL
IN CAIRO, I GUESS.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN
A GREAT RELIEF TO YOU --
COMING TO A NEW COUNTRY
AND A NEW CITY
THAT HUSTLES AND BUSTLES
THE WAY THE BIG APPLE CAN
TO FIND A, UH --
HOW SHALL I PUT IT? --
A FAMILIAR FACE.
HE WAS,
ACTUALLY.
OF COURSE, THE PITFALL
OF CHOOSING SOMEONE FOR SAFETY
IS THAT WE COME TO RESENT THEM
OVER TIME.
A LITTLE.
SHE'S RIGHT.
SHE'S RIGHT.
BUT LOVE, AS I SAY IN MY BOOK,
LOVES IT ALL.
BUT LOVE HAS TO SEE IT.
LOVE CAN'T BE LEFT
IN THE DARK.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT YOU GUYS,
BUT I AM
KIND OF GROUPED OUT.
KATE.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO
TALK TO ME --
YOUR ANGER IS
A VERY PRETTY COSTUME, KATE,
JUST LIKE
YOUR COSTUME IS A COSTUME.
BUT WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW
UNDER ALL THOSE COSTUMES, HUH?
WHERE'S KATE?
GOD! CAN'T WE JUST
TAKE A MINUTE?!
I NEED
A FUCKING BREAK.
[ RADIO TUNING ]
IT'S PRETTY AMAZING,
ACTUALLY,
HOW MUCH SHE'S LIKE
THE REAL SHOSHANA.
IF BY "AMAZING," YOU MEAN
"MAKES YOU WANT TO SHOVE
A STICK IN HER EYE,"
THEN YOU'RE
TOTALLY RIGHT.
COME ON, MAX.
TRY KCSP, 610 A.M.
I TRIED IT ALREADY,
CHARMAINE. JUST RELAX.
OH, GOD,
I JUST WANT TO KNOW
WHEN WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE
TO GET OUT OF HERE.
THE ONLY REAL DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN TARA'S SHOSHANA
AND THE REAL ONE
IS THE REAL ONE'S
GOT THIS KILLER LISP.
DON'T TELL TARA THAT.
DON'T TELL TARA THAT.
YOU CALLED
THE TV STATION?
SOMEBODY HAD TO.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH
SEEING THINGS SPELLED WRONG
ON EVERY MARQUEE
IN OVERLAND PARK
AND ON
THE INTERNET BOARDS.
I MEAN, IF THE TV NEWSPEOPLE
LOSE THEIR SHIT,
WHAT'S LEFT?
I HAVE TO CONFESS --
I WAS VERY SURPRISED
WHEN I FIRST MOVED TO AMERICA
TO FIND SUCH A GENERALLY
LOW LEVEL OF STRINGENCY
WHEN IT COMES
TO SPELLING.
AND MATH.
WE'RE, LIKE, THE DUMBEST NATION
ON THE WHOLE PLANET.
I THINK IT HAS
SOMETHING TO DO WITH FREEDOM.
WE'RE VERY FREE,
SO WE'RE VERY FREE TO BE STUPID.
YOU ALWAYS BEEN
SO SMART?
KIND OF HAVE TO BE
AROUND HERE,
OR THE SYSTEM
EATS YOU ALIVE.
[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]
IT MUST BE EXHAUSTING.
IT IS.
HEY, LYNDA, IT'S KATE.
Max:
I HEAR YOU BACK THERE.
LEAVE ME ALONE!
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE STILL
GONNA GO TO THE COMIC-BOOK STORE
OR IF YOU'RE
PICKING ME UP,
BUT, UM, I'M NEXT DOOR
IN THE BASEMENT.
SO IF YOU SHOW UP,
I GUESS JUST GIVE ME A CALL
WHEN YOU PULL UP.
UM...I LEFT THIS MESSAGE
LIKE THREE TIMES,
SO MAYBE
THE TOWERS ARE DOWN.
CALL ME.
* OOH-WEE, BABY *
* WON'T YOU LET ME TAKE YOU
ON A SEA CRUISE? *
OKAY.
* I GOT TO GET TO MOVIN',
BABY, I AIN'T LYIN' *
* MY HEART IS BEATIN' RHYTHM,
AND IT'S RIGHT ON TIME *
* SO BE MY GUEST,
YOU GOT NOTHIN' TO LOSE *
* WON'T YOU LET ME TAKE YOU
ON A SEA CRUISE? *
* OOH-WEE, OOH-WEE... *
YOU'RE NOT A BAD DANCER
THERE, SHOSHANA.
YEAH. WHEN I WAS BACK AT VASSAR,
IT WAS REQUIRED --
ONE SEMESTER OF BALLROOM,
ONE SEMESTER
OF "YOUTH MOVEMENT."
* ...TAKE YOU ON A SEA CRUISE *
WE SHOULD ASK CHARMAINE
TO JOIN.
NAH, YOU BETTER
LEAVE HER BE.
MAX,
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LEARN
YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYONE
ANY FAVORS
STOPPING THINGS
FROM HAPPENING?
COME DANCE, CHARMAINE.
I DON'T WANT
TO DANCE.
OH, COME ON.
DANCE A LITTLE, DOLL.
IT'LL MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER.
OKAY, I DON'T...
WANT TO DANCE.
YOU'RE NOT WORRIED
ABOUT NEIL'S BABY, ARE YOU?
LOOK, DANCING WON'T
SHAKE THAT THING LOOSE.
Marshall: NEIL'S BABY?
Kate: HOLY SLIMY SHIT.
SHE'S CARRYING AROUND
NEIL'S BABY.
[ WIND GUSTING, ALL SCREAM ]
YOU MEAN NICK'S BABY,
RIGHT?
CHARMAINE...
YOU TOLD TARA YOURSELF
THE BABY IS NEIL'S.
[ CHUCKLES ]
DON'T LIE.
[ Laughing ] YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT...
SHOSHANA.
AND YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT.
YOU THINK
PEOPLE LIE THE WAY YOU DO
TO THE ONES THEY LOVE
FOR NO REASON AT ALL?
THEY LIE
BECAUSE IT'S A HABIT.
AND IT'S A HABIT
BECAUSE IT STARTED SOMEWHERE.
AND WE BOTH KNOW WHERE
YOUR LYING STARTED, CHARMAINE.
THAT'S ENOUGH,
SHOSHANA.
YOU AND TARA
MADE A PACT.
NO.
GOD DAMN IT,
I SAID STOP IT!
[ As Tara ]
WHY DID YOU LET US SAY THAT?
[ As Shoshana ]
BECAUSE IT NEEDS TO COME OUT.
WHAT?
WHAT NEEDS TO COME OUT?
EVERYTHING.
THIS BUSINESS OF THE SISTERS
PROTECTING EACH OTHER --
IT'S GOT TO STOP.
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,
TARA,
IT'S TIME
TO GET OUT OF THE BASEMENT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
OUR TIME IS UP.
[ GUSTING FADES ]
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]
TARA?
[ As Tara ] YEAH.
YEAH, IT'S ME.
WHAT ABOUT
THE TORNADO?
IT'S OVER.
CAN'T YOU GUYS FEEL IT?
THE PRESSURE'S CHANGED.
[ SIGHS ]
THERE IS A LIGHT
AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, MAX.
THERE IS.
[ SLOW CLUB'S "APPLES AND PAIRS"
PLAYS ]
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
* OPEN UP BOTH YOUR EYES
* STAY MINE SHUT,
I DON'T MIND *
* PYLONS BUST RIGHT OUTSIDE
* BUT ALL I HEAR IS YOU
* NERVOUS WALKS IN A PARK
* I NEVER KNEW
COULD GET SO DARK *
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
* I'M RUNNING OUT
OF THINGS TO SAY *
* WILL YOU PLEASE
START TALKING *
* ABOUT YOURSELF
OR YOUR FAMILY? *
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
* ANY FRIENDS?
I'VE GOT ONE, TWO, THREE *
* BUT THEY ARE ALL IMAGINARY
* COME AND STROKE THE AIR
* 'CAUSE WE ARE...
WHERE'S MOM GOING?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M WORRIED
ABOUT HER.
DON'T BE.
SHE'LL BE BACK.
ARE YOU SURE?
YEAH.
SHE LOVES YOU GUYS TOO MUCH
TO JUST DISAPPEAR.