United States of Tara (2009–2011): Season 2, Episode 11 - To Have and to Hold - full transcript

Tara and Charmaine go visit the woman from Tara's memories. Kate attempts to change herself for Zach. Marshall begins to fall for Lionel. Neil leaves town. A new personality arrives.

PREVIOUSLY ON
"UNITED STATES OF TARA"...

LET'S GO HOME, TARA.

CHARMAINE, WE CAN'T.

HAPPY BY-SENNIAL, MIMI.

AND TO YOU, TOO, GIRLS.

WHO IS MIMI?

MAYBE A BABYSITTER.

THIS IS
THE MOST IMPORTANT PART.

Lynda: WHO TOLD YOU TO PUT
ALL THE LITTLE STONES ON IT?

HOW DO YOU KNOW
SOMEONE TOLD ME?

YOU MAKE ART
WITH ALL YOUR SELVES.



THIS HOUSE WOULD JUST MAKE
A GREAT PLACE TO START A LIFE.

[ As Alice ]
AN EVEN BETTER PLACE TO END ONE.

I GUESS YOU ALREADY KNOW
WHO MIMI PARMETER IS, DON'T YOU?

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
SOMETIME

ABOUT MAYBE BUYING THIS PLACE
FOR MY BABY.

THE BABY'S NOT NICK'S.
IT'S NEIL'S.

I WANT YOU TO GET HIM
TO SIGN SOMETHING

SAYING HE'S NEVER GONNA
COME BACK AND TRY TO BE
A FATHER TO OUR KID.

THE PAPERS THAT PROMISE

I'D STAY OUT
OF OUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE.

I'M YOUR PRINCESS
VALHALLA HAWKWIND,

AND YOUR WISH
IS MY ULTIMATE COMMAND.

Would you ever
meet in person?

THIS REALLY IS A --
A TEENAGER'S ROOM.



I HAVE TO
GET OUT OF HERE.

BEING GAY IS LIKE
LIVING IN A BUFFET.

LET'S TAKE A WALK.

AND PEOPLE SAY
ROMANCE IS DEAD.

[ BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY ]

LAST NIGHT, I STOPPED
AT CAT FIVE'S FOR A BEER.

YOU HAD A THING
WITH PAMMY?

HUGE MISTAKE.

BUT I ALSO
FORGIVE YOU.

[ As Buck ]
YOU FUCKED MY PAMMY!

YOU DO NOT GET AWAY WITH THAT,
MOTHERFUCKER!

BUCK! BUCK!
T-TARA FORGAVE ME.

I AIN'T TARA.

-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

* OPEN UP THE SKY *

* THIS MESS IS GETTING HIGH *

* IT'S WINDY,
AND OUR FAMILY NEEDS A RIDE *

* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE *

* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *

* I KNOW WE'LL BE FINE *

* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *

* I KNOW WE'LL BE JUST FINE *

* WHEN WE LEARN
TO LOVE THE RIDE *

YOU LOOK LIKE HELL.

I FEEL LIKE HELL.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

BUCK BEAT THE SHIT
OUT OF ME.

OW.
YEAH.

KICKED ME
RIGHT IN MY MARSHALL-MAKER.

I'M SO SORRY.

WHY?

PAMMY.

I THOUGHT YOU GUYS
WERE GETTING CO-CONSCIOUS.

OHHHH.

WE ARE...SOMETIMES.

WELL, COULDN'T YOU
HAVE AT LEAST TOLD HIM
THAT I WAS FORGIVEN?

LIKE, LEFT A NOTE
IN HIS BEER COZY?

OW!

WHOA.

WHOA.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA DRIVE TO LAWRENCE
TODAY -- TRY AND MEET MIMI.

WELL,
I THINK I SHOULD COME.

NO.
I'M GONNA ASK CHARMAINE.

BUT, HEY,
JUST SO YOU KNOW,

EVEN THOUGH BUCK'S MAD,
I MEANT WHAT I SAID

WHEN I SAID I FORGIVE YOU
FOR WHAT HAPPENED.

UH, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
ASK CHAR

BEFORE YOU START GOING THROUGH
ALL HER STUFF.

WOW.
SHE LIKES ANIMAL PRINTS.

I'M JUST SHOPPIN'
RIGHT NOW.

IF I SEE ANYTHING I WANT,
THEN I'LL...

[ GASPS ]

KATE PLUS 8
GOES ON A DATE.

I THOUGHT
ZACH DUMPED YOU.

HE DID,

BUT THEN HE CALLED AND SAID
HE COULDN'T EAT OR SLEEP

OR STOP THINKING ABOUT ME,
SO I WIN.

WELL,
WINNING IS THE GOAL.

MY MISTAKE WAS INVITING HIM
INTO MY PERSONAL CHAMBRE.

I SHOULD HAVE REDECORATED AWAY
ALL THE HIGH-SCHOOL SHIT.

ACTUALLY, YOUR MISTAKE

IS THAT YOUR ROOM IS STILL
IN YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE.

WHERE LIONEL BE AT?

HAVEN'T SEEN HIM
PRANCING AROUND HERE LATELY.

WELL...
WE'RE NOT SPEAKING.

OR...HE'S IGNORING ME,

OR I-I DON'T KNOW.

FASCINATING.

YEAH,
I THINK WE DECIDED

WE'RE JUST TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT
KINDS OF PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW, NO SHARED INTERESTS
OR WHATEVER.

I'M HAVING
A TOTAL REVELATION.

PLEASE. A-ANYTHING.
I NEED HELP.

CLASSIC
LITTLE BLACK DRESS.

IT'S WHAT
EVERY WOMAN NEEDS.

MOM?

HI.

[ SIGHS ]
I'M HAVING A CRISIS.

GLAMOUR MAGAZINE
SAYS EVERY WOMAN

MUST OWN
A LITTLE BLACK DRESS.

IT'S A DO, MOM.

I CAN'T BE A DON'T WITH
A LITTLE BLACK BAR OVER MY EYES.

OH.

WELL, I HAVE ONE,
BUT IT'S SORT OF ALICE'S.

PASS.

I BET CHAR HAS ONE.

THERE IS ONE IN HER CLOSET,
BUT IT HAS A WEIRD CRUST ON IT.

MAYBE IT'S DEODORANT.

IT'S ON THE HEM.

[ CHUCKLES ]

HEY, THANK YOU FOR GETTING
MIMI'S ADDRESS FOR ME.

IT WAS EASY.

I HAVE SHARPENED
MY PEOPLE-TRACKING SKILLS

PRETTY GOOD
IN MY PREVIOUS POSITION.

[ LAUGHS ]

UH...

I GUESS
I...HOPE IT HELPS YOU.

GOING BACK THERE
OR WHATEVER.

YEAH.

IS ZACH TAKING YOU OUT?

YEAH.

FANCY-PEOPLE
FANCY LUNCHEON.

GOT IT.

IS THAT WHY YOU'RE DRESSING UP
LIKE A WOMAN?

YEAH, I'M GONNA FLASH
A LITTLE SIDE BOOB

OR SOMETHING.

[ LAUGHS ]

DON'T FORGET
TO BE YOURSELF.

HA, HA, AND HA, MOM.

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

I KNOW
YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT...

DESERTING ME AT THE PARK,
MARSHALL, AND IT'S TOTALLY OKAY.

I DON'T FEEL BAD.

YOU LEFT ME.

I WAS JUST TRYING
TO GET OUT OF THERE

BEFORE I BECAME
SOMEBODY'S WIFE.

IT'S MAN-SEX,
NOT MATRIMONY.

"MAN-SEX"?

IS THAT...WHAT YOU DID?

YOU WENT ALL THE WAY
WITH THAT GUY?

WELL,
NOT THERE IN THE PARK.

BUT LATER...
WHEN I WENT BACK TO HIS HOUSE.

WANT ALL THE DEETS?

NO.

THE SECOND I WALKED IN THE DOOR,
HE KISSED ME.

THEN HE TOOK ME
TO THE LIVING ROOM,

WHERE THERE WERE
LIT CANDLES.

AND WE DRANK RED WINE

AND WATCHED
THE SPECIAL FEATURES

FROM HIS "DAWSON'S CREEK"
BOX SET.

STOP IT.

HE KISSED
EACH ONE OF MY EYELIDS.

IT WAS AS CLOSE TO PERFECT
AS I'VE EVER FELT.

WOW.

I'M HAPPY FOR YOU,
I GUESS.

WHAT SMELLS SO GOOD?
FEED ME.

LAWRENCE, KANSAS.

LAWRENCE, KANSAS.

IS MY TIARA
TOO MIDWESTERN GLITZ PAGEANT?

4039 VERMONT STREET,
LAWRENCE, KANSAS.

NO, SERIOUSLY,
TALK ME DOWN.

DOES THIS SCREAM
JONBEN?T?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HOLDING
MIMI'S ADDRESS IN MY HAND.

THE INTERNET'S THE WORST THING
TO HAPPEN TO FAMILY SECRETS

SINCE DNA TESTING.

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

DON'T MAKE ME GO ALONE.

I WON'T.
I'LL GO WITH YOU.

BUT WHEREVER THIS GETS YOU
WITH YOUR DISEASE,

PROMISE ME
NOT ONE WORD

TO MOM AND DAD
TILL MONDAY MORNING,

WHILE I AM DEALING NICK
HIS BRIDAL-SUITE BLOWJOB.

YOU MIGHT WANT
TO HUSTLE OUT OF HERE.

NEIL'S ABOUT TO STOP BY.

WHAT DOES HE WANT?

DIDN'T SAY.

WELL, HE KNOWS ABOUT THE WEDDING
BEING TOMORROW AND ALL THAT?

YEAH, HE KNOWS
ALL ABOUT ALL THAT.

[ Sighing ] OKAY.

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

I'M MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE,
RIGHT?

DON'T ASK ME THAT.

NEIL'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.
I'M BIASED IN HIS FAVOR.

YOU THINK
I SHOULD BE MARRYING NEIL.

OHHH.

I THINK I MEANT
THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.

HEY.

WE READY?
[ Grunting ] WE READY.

MIMI PARMETER,
THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

YOU SURE
YOU DON'T WANT ME TO COME?

NAH.
YOU KNOW, IT'S A SISTER THING.

THINK OF IT
AS MY BACHELORETTE PARTY.

EXCEPT INSTEAD
OF STUFFING DOLLAR BILLS

IN SOME GUY'S G-STRING,

WE'LL BE EXPLORING THE DEEP
ROOTS OF MY MENTAL ILLNESS.

IS THAT MUCH FUN
EVEN LEGAL?

[ CHUCKLES ]
SERIOUSLY, MAX, STAY HERE.

HELP NICK AND THE KIDS
WITH THE YARD.

THERE'S A LOT OF WORK
TO DO.
OKAY.

DRIVE SAFE.

YEAH.

[ CAR DOOR CLOSES ]

GONNA HAVE MY CELLPHONE ON
ALL DAY.

YOU CALL ME
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

[ CAR DOOR CLOSES ]

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

Charmaine: OKAY, SO,
I GET ON 435, RIGHT?

Tara:
AND THEN HIGHWAY 10.

HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY

WHEN WE GET THERE?

[ SIGHS ]
NO, NOT EXACTLY.

MORE LIKE...

I GUESS WE'LL JUST SEE
IF THE NAMES TARA AND CHARMAINE

MEAN ANYTHING TO HER.

OR BEV AND FRANK CRAINE.
SEE IF SHE KNEW MOM AND DAD.

YOU KNOW YOU MIGHT
TRANSITION, RIGHT?

YEAH, I FIGURED.

YOU KNOW, WHEN WE WERE
IN THE BASEMENT

DURING THE TORNADO,

SHOSHANA WAS LIKE,

"THIS BUSINESS OF PROTECTING
EACH OTHER HAS GOT TO STOP."

HMM.

YEAH.

[ SIGHS ]
SHE SAID WE MADE A PACT.

YOU AND ME,
ME AND YOU.

Both: SISTER'S KEEPER
THROUGH AND THROUGH.

AAH!AAH!

[ Laughing ] WHAT WAS THAT?
DID WE REALLY DO THAT?

I DON'T KNOW. STOP.
YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT.

YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT.

HEY, MAX.

[ Laughing ]
JESUS, NEIL.

Shh!

CHARMAINE STILL HERE?

NO, SHE'S GONE
FOR THE AFTERNOON.

YOU CAN LOSE
THAT AMAZING DISGUISE.

OKAY, WELL,
I CAME TO SAY GOODBYE.

"GOODBYE"?

YEAH, I MEAN,
WITH CHARMAINE GETTING MARRIED,

THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR ME
HERE, LIFEWISE.

WHERE YOU GONNA GO?

UH,
ODESSA, FOR STARTERS.

ODESSA, TEXAS?

YEAH, I GOT A --
I GOT A COUSIN

WHO'S A TOOL PUSHER
ON AN OIL RIG DOWN THERE --

SAYS HE CAN, YOU KNOW,
TEMPORARILY SET ME UP

IN A MANAGERIAL
CAPACITY.

YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT OIL?

NO.

BUT, YOU KNOW, HE SAYS IT'S JUST
YOU'RE HOLED UP IN A TRAILER

AND THEN YOU DRINK BEER

AND YOU EAT CEREAL
OUT OF THE BOX,

WHICH, YOU KNOW,
I CAN DO.

WOW.

HEY, MAN, WE DID
A REALLY GOOD JOB NEXT DOOR.

YOU KNOW, WE DID.
I'M PROUD OF US.

WE --
WE MADE A GREAT HOME,

AND THAT'S WHERE MY DAUGHTER'S
GONNA WAKE UP EVERY DAY,

AND SHE'S GONNA --
YOU KNOW, SHE'S GONNA WATCH TV

AND -- AND DO
HER MATH WORKSHEETS.

YOU REALLY THINK OF HER
AS YOUR DAUGHTER?

[ Sighing ] OH, FUCK.

[ SIGHS ]

WELL, YOU KNOW,
I'LL -- I'LL SEND YOU MY INFO.

WELL, YEAH,
YOU BETTER.

YEAH.

GOD DAMN IT.

EH.
COME HERE.

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

[ LAUGHS ]

I'M GONNA MISS YOU.

NEIL,
THERE'S ONLY ONE YOU.

THAT'S WHAT
THEY KEEP TELLING ME.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

I AM DRAMATICALLY
OVERDRESSED.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

THIS IS NOT A PLACE
FOR A LITTLE BLACK DRESS.

THIS IS A PLACE
FOR A LITTLE WHITE POLO.

OR MAYBE A-A DELIGHTFUL
KHAKI POLO WOULD HAVE SUFFICED.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TRY
SO HARD, YOU KNOW.

TRYING?
I'M NOT TRYING.

I'M JUST TALKING.

YOU'RE ENOUGH, KATE.

CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?

[ CHUCKLES ] WOW.

LIVING WITH A SCHIZOPHRENIC
HAS REALLY TAKEN A TOLL ON YOU.

OH, MY MOM'S
NOT SCHIZOPHRENIC.

CRAB COBB SALAD?

OH, NO, SORRY.
I DON'T DO CRAB.

THAT'S MINE.
SHE'S THE REGULAR COBB.

THANKS.

THANK YOU.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO...

GET A RESTRAINING ORDER
ON YOUR MOM?

NO.

I MEAN, SHE'S A LITTLE CRAZY,
BUT SHE'S NOT DANGEROUS.

NOT YET.

THIS THING'S COMING TOGETHER
A LOT FASTER

THAN I THOUGHT
IT WOULD.

HOPE THE GIRLS ARE HAVING FUN
GETTING THEIR NAILS DONE.

PROBABLY IN HEAVEN
RIGHT NOW.

THEY'RE NOT IN HEAVEN.

THEY'RE IN LAWRENCE.
DIDN'T CHARMAINE TELL YOU?

HUH.

SOMETIMES
CHARMAINE BURIES THE LEAD.

WELL, TARA HAD THE NAME
OF SOME LADY IN HER HEAD.

SHE THOUGHT IF SHE WENT THERE
AND SAW HER IN PERSON,

SHE MIGHT GET SOME ANSWERS
ABOUT HER PAST.

WOW.

HOPE THEY'RE OKAY.

YEAH, ME TOO.

HEY,
CAN I SEE THAT PAINT CAN?

LISTEN, MAX, I, UH...

REALLY APPRECIATE
HOW WELCOMING YOU'VE BEEN.

I MEAN,
I KNOW NEIL'S YOUR BUDDY.

WELL, YOU'RE A STAND-UP GUY,
NICK, RAISING ANOTHER GUY'S KID.

I GOT TO SAY, I...

I RESPECT THAT.

I THINK OF THAT BABY
AS MINE ALREADY.

AND NEIL WANTS
NOTHING TO DO WITH HER.

CAN YOU IMAGINE,
COMING INTO THIS WORLD

KNOWING YOUR FATHER
DOESN'T LOVE YOU?

YEAH.
I GREW UP WITHOUT MY DAD.

I'M SORRY, MAN.
I DIDN'T -- I DIDN'T REALIZE.

NO, NO, THAT'S OKAY.

IT WAS JUST...
ME AND MY MOM.

HEY, ARE YOU, UH, COOL TO
DO THIS BY YOURSELF FOR A BIT?

YEAH.

[ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ]

OH, MY GOD.

IT'S MY FUCKIN' ART.

HOLY FUCK.

IT'S EVEN GOT THE STONES
AND THE PLACE FOR THE FLAG.

HOW COULD I HAVE POSSIBLY KNOWN
ALL THOSE DETAILS?

IS EVERY SINGLE THING JUST
LURKING BENEATH THE SURFACE?

JESUS.
I HOPE NOT.

[ TARA SIGHS ]

I ALWAYS WONDER
ABOUT PEOPLE

WHO HAVE
THOSE KIND OF FLAGS.

THEY PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE
TO SPRING.

I'D SAY
IT'S A GOOD SIGN.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

[ MIMI HUMMING ]

HELLO.

MAY I HELP YOU?

[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]

YOU'RE STILL MAD.

AND DON'T TRY TO LIE.

IT'S JUST...

SOMETIMES I WONDER
IF ANYONE BESIDES ME

ACTUALLY BELIEVES
IN ROMANCE.

OR IF THE IDEA
IS JUST A BIG JOKE --

ON EVERYONE.

REAL ROMANCE, YOU KNOW?

SOMEONE YOU WANT TO...
WAKE UP NEXT TO

OR...FALL ASLEEP ON
OR --

I KNOW, MARSHALL.

I KNOW YOU KNOW.

I JUST...

I JUST...

WONDER IF YOU'RE EVER
GONNA HAVE IT?

OKAY, FINE.

THE OTHER NIGHT, WHEN I WENT
TO THE PARK GUY'S HOUSE,

THERE WASN'T ANY WINE
OR EYELID-KISSING.

I WENT IN

AND HE ASKED ME TO PLEASE
JUST WEAR MY UNDERWEAR.

AND THEN HE STARTED
PLAYING WITH HIS COCK --

STOP!

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

OKAY.

WHEN I GOT HOME...

...MY MOM DIDN'T ASK
WHAT I'D BEEN DOING.

I DIDN'T EVEN
HAVE TO LIE.

[ BOTH MOANING SOFTLY ]

AND OUR PARENTS
ARE BEVERLY AND FRANK CRAINE.

WE LIVED IN OLATHE.

YES.

YES, I DO REMEMBER.

OKAY, SO, UM, I'M KIND OF
ON THIS FACT-FINDING MISSION.

OUR MOM SAYS YOU BABYSAT FOR US
SOMETIMES, AND I'M JUST --

I'M JUST TRYING TO GET A PICTURE
OF MY CHILDHOOD.

OH, DARNY.

WELL, WE HAVE A LOT OF
CLEARING UP TO DO, DON'T WE?

I'M SORRY TO REPORT,
BUT I WASN'T YOUR BABYSITTER.

YOU WEREN'T?

NO.

YOU LIVED WITH ME HERE.

I RUN A FOSTER HOME,
LADIES.

WE WERE...
YOUR FOSTER CHILDREN?

I'VE BEEN TAKING IN CHILDREN
FOR NEARLY 35 YEARS NOW.

AND...

YES,
I DO REMEMBER YOU BOTH.

TARA AND CHAR.

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

THEY --
THEY NEVER TOLD US.

TARA?

YOU'RE THE OLDER ONE,
AREN'T YOU?

BUT YOU WOULDN'T
LEAVE HER SIDE,

HELD ON TO HER
FOR DEAR LIFE.

OH,
THIS IS DWAYNE.

HELLO.

DWAYNE, DO YOU REMEMBER
THESE GIRLS?

STUCK TOGETHER
LIKE GLUE.

JUST CAN'T REMEMBER
WHAT YEAR IT WAS.

[ As T ]
WHAT UP, DWAYNE?

YOU REMEMBER ME?

'CAUSE I SURE AS FUCK
REMEMBER YOU.

I NEED TO GET YOU
OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

IS THAT RIGHT?

THIS WHOLE
SELF-IMPRISONMENT THING,

STICKING WITH
A BAD SITUATION

BECAUSE YOU THINK
THAT'S HOW LIFE IS?

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

I WANT YOU TO START
LOOKING IN THE NEWSPAPER --

AT CONDOS.

CONDOS?

HOLD ON.
MAYBE IT IS THAT BAD.

I'LL DRIVE YOU AROUND,
AND WE CAN LOOK AT LOFTS.

LOFTS?

YEAH,
IN THE CROSSROADS DISTRICT.

YOU EVER BEEN
DOWN THERE?

IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY,
I LOVE IT DOWN THERE.

I HAVE BEEN WANTING
TO GET OUT OF HERE

FOR A BILLION YEARS.

WHEN WE SIGN YOUR LEASE,

THEY'RE GONNA WANT TO KNOW
YOUR INCOME,

SO YOU'LL JUST TELL THEM
THAT YOU WORK AT YOGOHUT.

I WORK AT YOGOHUT?

MM-HMM.

AND WHAT DO I DO
AT YOGOHUT?

DO I MAKE THE STUFF
COME OUT?

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

I'M GONNA FUCK UP YOUR FACE,
DUH-WAYNE.

I'M SORRY.
WE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE COME.

COME ON, OLD MAN!

YOU USED TO GIVE TARA
HORSEY RIDES.

GIDDYUP! OW!

I THINK YOU NEED
TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE

BEFORE I CALL
THE POLICE.

OOH!
IS THAT RIGHT, ASSHOLE?

'CAUSE MAYBE
I ALREADY CALLED THE POLICE

AND THEY'RE COMIN'
TO GET YOU!

I TOLD YOU --
YOU'RE TOO DAMN TRUSTING, MIMI.

OH, DWAYNE, LET'S NOT GET INTO
ALL OF WHAT YOU TOLD ME NOW.

THIS LOOKS LIKE ALICE.
I KNOW.
IT'S FUCKIN' FREAKY, RIGHT?

COME ON, T, LET'S GO.

I AIN'T STEPPIN' NOWHERE

UNTIL DUH-WAYNE
SAYS HE REMEMBERS ME.

1976.

CHRIST, MIMI,
WE HADN'T EVEN MET YET.

THE -- THE SAME DAY YOU CAME
WAS THE SAME DAY

THE BLOCK HAD
ITS BICENTENNIAL PARADE.

[ Little-girl voice ]
I DON'T WANT TO RIDE A TRICYCLE.

I WANT TO RIDE
A BIG-GIRL BIKE.

OH, MY GOD.
IT'S...CHICKEN.

WHO'S CHICKEN?

CHI-CHICKEN
WAS TARA'S NICKNAME

WHEN WE WERE
LITTLE KIDS.

I'M HUNGRY ANYWAY.

OKAY, CHICKEN,
YOU MUST BE TIRED. LET'S GO.

NO, I'M NOT TIRED!

[ Whining ] NO!

I'M S-- I'M SORRY.
WE, UM...

WE'RE JUST TRYING TO...

SO, HE WASN'T HERE
WHEN WE WERE?

NO, HE WASN'T.

AND I'M SO SORRY
TO SAY THIS,

BUT THEY SENT CHILDREN
TO ME

WHO CAME FROM
ESPECIALLY ABUSIVE HOMES.

I SEEPING.

THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU ARE SLEEPING.

[ SIGHS ]

OKAY, YOU GUYS
DRIVE SAFE.

Kate: DO YOU THINK
YOU WOULD ENJOY OR DESPISE

SITTING IN A CHAIR
SHAPED LIKE AN EGG

AND HANGING
FROM THE CEILING?

YOU'RE BUYING
MORE STUFF?

I THOUGHT YOU SAID,
"EVERYTHING'S A THING."

THIS IS DIFFERENT.

ZACH HEARTS ME.

LIONEL HEARTS ME.

I KNOW.

NO, I MEAN...
LIONEL REALLY HEARTS ME.

WE, UM...

WE MADE OUT.

YOU MADE OUT
WITH YOUR BFF?

YOUR BEEF?

[ Laughing ]
THIS IS HUGE.

IS IT?

UH, I DON'T WANT IT
TO BE HUGE.

I JUST WANT IT TO BE...

DID I RUIN EVERYTHING?

NO!
IT'S TOTALLY SWEET!

BUT...LIONEL LIKES
OLDER, MUSCLY DUDES

WITH SHOULDER HAIR.

AND HE HAS
A PORN COLLECTION.

AND HE'S A RADICAL
QUEER ACTIVIST.

AND I'M...

I'M...

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU ARE,
AMOOSH BOOSH.

YOU'RE IN LOVE.

I FEEL MORE LIKE I JUST
CAME DOWN WITH FOOD POISONING.

[ SNICKERS ]

THAT'S IN THE BEGINNING.

IT GETS EASIER.

LESS CRAMPY.

I'M GLAD
YOU HAVE SOMEONE.

IT'S GOOD TIMING
FOR ME TO BOLT.

ZACH HAS
RECENTLY PROMISED

TO GET ME A CONDO
TO CALL MY OWN --

POTENTIALLY
WITH AN INDOOR POOL.

REALLY?

LIKE...SOON?

YEAH.

WHOA.

BUT, UM, DON'T YOU THINK
MOM AND DAD NEED US?

NAH.

BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?

I'LL HAVE
A SOFA-BED THINGY.

YOU CAN CRASH
IF THINGS GET FERAL AROUND HERE.

OH, MY GOURD.

LOOK AT THIS BADASS WALL CLOCK
MADE OF FUR.

MADE OF FUR!

DONE.

[ KEYBOARD CLACKS ]

WHY IS THE SKY?

WHY IS THE SKY WHAT,
CHICKEN?

[ BLOWS ]

JUST...WHY IS THE SKY?

[ SIGHS ]

SO, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
IT WAS DWAYNE?

DO I GOT TO GO BACK THERE
AND BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF HIM?

NO.

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

I DON'T THINK
IT'S THAT SIMPLE.

WHAT DO I DO IF TARA DOESN'T
COME BACK BEFORE THE WEDDING?

I'M GONNA HAVE
A GIANT 4-YEAR-OLD

SWIMMING
IN MY CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN.

I'M NOT 4.

I'M 5.

DUMMY.

OH, YEAH.

YOU TOOK BUCK'S BIKE
WITHOUT ASKING.

YEAH.

[ Singsong voice ]
YOU'RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE.

I AIN'T AFRAID OF BUCK.

OKAY.

HERE WE GO.

GOT EGGS AND BACON.

WE GOT BLT.

THANK YOU.

MM-HMM.

[ GASPS ]

AND ONE LITTLE ROWDY'S
ARROZ CON POLLO!

AND MILK.

LOOK.

DOES SHE NEED
ANYTHING ELSE?

MY AUNT HAS
A SPECIAL-NEEDS CHILD.

WHEN THEY REMOVED GLUTEN
FROM HIS DIET,

THEY FOUND THAT PEOPLE
STOPPED GAWKING SO MUCH.

PEOPLE CAN BE ASSHOLES.

YOU KNOW?

SHE'S PRECIOUS.

NOW I WISH
I GOT WHAT CHICKEN GOT.

YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY.

[ As Tara ] OH, NO.

YOU WERE CHICKEN,
TARA.

YEAH.

CHICKEN WAS HERE.

* YOU GO ON, I'LL BE OKAY *

* I CAN DREAM THE REST AWAY *

* IT'S JUST
A LITTLE TOUCH OF FATE *

* IT'LL BE OKAY *

* IT SURE TAKES
ITS PRECIOUS TIME *

* BUT IT'S GOT RIGHTS,
AND SO HAVE I *

* I TURN MY HEAD UP TO THE SKY *

* I FOCUS ONE THOUGHT
AT A TIME *

* I DO NOT LET
THE LITTLE THIEVES *

* UNDER MY TIGHTLY BUTTONED
SLEEVES *

* YOU WAIT YOUR TURN
IN THE QUEUE *

* YOU SAY YOUR SORRYS
AND THANK-YOUS *

* I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE EVER 100% IN THE ROOM *

* YOU'RE NOT IN THE ROOM *

* YOU'RE NOT IN THE ROOM *

* LA LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *

* LA LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *

* LA LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *

* LA LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *

* LA LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *