United States of Tara (2009–2011): Season 1, Episode 8 - Abundance - full transcript
Convinced that he's seen a new alter personality after the visit from Tara's parents and who may have destroyed Tiffany's mural, Max spends an anxious weekend trying contact Tara's therapist. Tara confronts Max and he has no choice but to tell her what he thinks he saw. The result however is for Alice to emerge. She also thinks she's pregnant. Interestingly, Alice does reveal a very specific relationship with the other alters, particularly when she tell's Max that that there seems to some type of hierarchy among them. But their joint visit to Dr. Ocean doesn't go very well. Meanwhile, Marshall is worried that Jason's pastor father may have realized the real reason shy he joined the group at school as they are preparing for the opening night to welcome the community to their Hell House. Also, Kate tries re-set her relationship with Gene at the restaurant, but the result isn't anything near what she was hoping for when he shows off his true colors to her and outright fires her.
Do you think dr. Pete
can fix me?
I'm wary of anyone
who calls himself dr. Pete.
She's here?
yes, the person is here.
That's not my booby buddy.
What are we doing here?
What do you mean?
Wait, is it a hell house?
A what?
This evangelical play
That they use
to scare kids straight.
If marshall wants
to put his time into this,
I'm sure he has
a very good reason.
I had a bad bug encounter.
You're so cute.
Something happened to tara
When you two went to school.
His name is trip johansen.
I think I saw something.
New alter.
It's like an animal.
Ah!
What the fuck?
(Ocean)
you come in with her
and we'll talk together
About the memories
that have triggered all this.
[Contemplative music]
* *
* Open up the sky *
* This mess is getting high *
* It's windy
and our family needs a ride *
* *
* I know we'll be just fine *
* When we learn to love
the ride *
* *
* I know we'll be fine *
* When we learn to love
the ride *
* *
* I know we'll be
just fine *
* When we learn to love *
* The ride * *
Hey, dr. Ocean.
Max gregson.
Listen, I don't know
if you work weekends,
But tara's tara again
So I'd really like
to move her appointment up
Before she turns.
Okay?
Call me.
Thanks, bye.
Sorry, it's, uh, me again.
Look, I didn't know
if you were gonna work
the weekend thing out.
But, uh, I don't want
to do this alone,
And you told me not
to do it alone.
So...just...
I think I might so call me
either way, okay?
Hey.
Um, listen, I didn't mean
to make it sound
Like I wasn't gonna wait,
okay?
I can definitely wait.
I'll see you at
our next appointment time.
And I won't say a word.
I promise.
Your tummy messed up again?
What?
No.
Why?
You're doing
your diarrhea dance.
Oh.
No, no, I'm fine.
[sighs]
Okay, what?
nothing.
nada.
Baby, if you don't tell me
what you're pissed off about,
We'll end up in some dumb fight
About, I don't know,
Who forgot to change
the dishwasher filter.
It's not about
the dishwasher filter.
I'm not mad at you.
Then just say it.
[Laughs]
Ugh.
I think there may be
a new alter.
Oh, god.
Are you sure?
Remember how you thought
That none of you ruined
the mural?
Dr. Ocean says
with the appearance
of a new alter--
Wait, you and dr. Ocean
have been talking about this?
About me?
Together?
Well we wanted to tell you
together
but every time I call her,
she just--
she never answer--
Tell me.
Tell me everything now.
What's her name?
Oh, jeez, it's another dude.
Great.
I'm such a lesbian.
it's not a dude.
It's...
[Sighs]
What?
We're not sure.
It's animalistic.
Pure id I guess.
Okay, you're making me sound
Like an evil, rabid squirrel
or something.
Yeah.
Well it's kind of like that.
But the size of you.
I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, hey.
[Retching]
[Toilet flushes]
(kate)
a go for?
(max)
how many letters?
(alice)
I got newsy news!
[Sing-songy]
somebody's got puppies
in the oven!
I...
Am with child.
Oh, cool, alice.
is it a boy or a girl?
Too soon to tell.
It's not getting my room.
Me either.
I would've thought
you two
would've been
happy to have
A brand new little niblet
To bat around
a yarn ball with.
Oh, my god.
I'm out.
Hey, marsh,
you want me to pick you up
after school?
Um, no, it's okay.
I have rehearsal, so, um,
Opening night's tomorrow.
Ooh, your church pageant.
everybody in overland park
I ever hated and you're
gonna go pray with 'em?
I don't pray.
Huh.
Honey, listen to me.
I'm sorry but there
is no way
That you could be pregnant.
Tara has an iud.
Oh, pooh, I don't believe
in those things.
Well I don't think
it matters
If you believe in 'em.
The lord works
in mysterious ways.
That magical spirit
of an infant
Can wriggle its way around
That mean old devil's tree
in no time.
Now if I remember correctly,
I have some rickrack
That would look nifty
on a bib.
Hey, alice.
Listen.
Tara has a doctor's appointment
coming up
And if she's not back,
Could you go in her place?
You found us
an obstetrician?
Well, she's a therapist.
[Sighs]
Talky talky talk.
Naval gazers.
What a waste of one's time.
No, I won't do that.
Now those bibs,
Plus my puffy paint marker.
Ooh, we can set up
the crib.
Ugh.
Marshall.
Hi, pastor.
I'm glad I caught you.
Going to rehearsal?
Yep.
I just want you to know
I get what you're doing here.
And I'm not the only one
who can see it.
Everyone can.
They can?
Well you don't do
a very good job of hiding it.
Just know...
We're keeping an eye
on you, son.
And because national
has just taken receipt
Of over 35,000 tons
of beautiful crab
from israel,
we're initiating
abundantly crab month.
Now who here can tell me
What's in the crab mountain
melee salad?
Um...
Crab, iceberg, egg,
tomato, carrot, crouton...
choice of dressing.
Nice, tonya.
nice!
good.
kate, you haven't, uh,
Answered any ice breakers.
Do you have a handout
with you?
[Light chuckling]
Uh-oh.
Getting crabby?
I won't punish you.
I mean
Not unless you ask me to.
Shift change, people.
First person to sell
anything crab
Wins a starbucks card.
Go go go.
Hey, uh, katie, wait up.
[Knocking]
Hey, drugstore cowboy.
Asshole.
Look, I really don't want
To have to do this
with her.
Alice is not gonna let me
watch her pee.
You really think
there's a chance
She could be knocked up?
Is there a chance
that crazy shit
Constantly happens
around here?
Where is she?
Upstairs.
You owe me, mister.
Whatever.
Asshole.
That's what they call me.
Tomorrow is not just
opening night
For friends and family.
We're gonna have one vip coming
who expects a lot.
A vip called the lord.
I need everybody to pitch in.
Starting with
the hell-dwellers.
Stoners, sweep out
the columbine set.
Jews, jews, jews,
Ask you moms for some platters
for the donuts
In the conversion room.
Homos, I'm sending you out
on errands.
Uh, kyle and devin,
Go to the bank
and grab some singles
For the ticket booth.
Jason, marshall,
go to the grocery store
And grab some abortion meat.
cool?
[Chattering]
Okay.
stop it.
Stop what, kitty kate?
stop with the name.
Stop singling me out
At your little crab updates.
stop blabbing to people.
just stop it.
I've been getting
this totally sketch feeling
For the past couple of days
And grambo keeps winking at me
with his one good eye.
I--I haven't said a word
to anyone.
Yeah, but you want people
to know, right?
Like subconsciously
or something.
Like it's like I can feel you
claiming me.
[Sighs]
If it's cool with you,
I just think
we should just can it.
Can it?
Can what?
can this.
You know,
I think it's kind of hard
for you to understand
Because, like,
Of your generation
or whatever.
but, like, you take everything
really seriously.
like...like, people my age,
We just, like, hook up
and then we move on.
So, like, like,
when you do stuff,
Like, text me about
how my latin test went,
It's funky.
so...
Mm-hmm.
[Sighs]
I feel a lot better
saying that.
I really just want
to be an employee again.
I'm glad you feel better but...
I'm not sure I can do that.
I think it's best
if I had you transferred.
Well, you can't do that
because the closest barnabeez
Is, like, 40 million miles away
in shawnee.
yeah.
I can't walk there
from school, gene.
[Laughs]
Fine.
Then I'll just terminate you
then.
On what grounds?
plenty.
You're the slowest
ketchup-marrier on staff.
Your refusal to follow
fashion standards.
general lack of glee.
Lack of glee?
Yeah.
gene.
I'm sorry, kate,
but you're done here.
Ugh.
Good-bye.
leave the visor.
[Fumes]
[Grunts, hums]
[Scoffs]
Stop watching me.
I'm not watching.
I can't make sissy
with all this pressure.
[Sighs]
I'm so excited.
You're gonna be
an auntie, charmaine.
Mm-hmm.
Your new bust line
turned out well.
thanks.
Did it hurt?
I'm feeling better now.
Ooh, we're in business.
It's pink, it's pink!
I knew it!
We're having a girl!
[Laughs]
That's negative, right?
Yeah, it's pink no matter what.
There'd be a plus sign
if there was an actual baby.
Thank god.
I just don't want to be there
The day she tries to check
herself into a hospital
And squish out
an invisible baby.
Maybe I do.
You never told me
what happened with heidi.
oh, yeah, yeah.
I met her.
Hey, does the name johansen
mean anything to you?
Guess there's a building
At the school with the family's
name all over it.
I don't know.
Got nada for you.
I was in a whole other state.
Ow.
[Seethes]
It's driving me fucking nuts.
It's like I know too much
But I don't know enough.
I just want to fix it.
You're funny.
Why?
That you think
you can fix it.
Now for the smaller brush.
Thank you.
Hmm.
Times like this I really wish
Tara taught me how to paint.
Tara can teach you things?
Of course she can, silly.
We're never too old to learn.
I learn from all of them.
Even t.
[Laughs]
even buck.
Buck helped me a bunch
last week.
[Door opens]
With my surgery.
Oh, I like him.
He's such a wild man.
[Approaching footsteps]
Oh.
I thought my mom
might be back.
Oh, no.
Got way too much to do.
You okay?
I got fucking fired
from my fucking work today.
and don't go for the soap
Or I'll find a set of stairs
And I will push you
down them.
Kate.
When's the last time
you washed your hair?
Does that look like
an abortion to you?
Kind of.
Oh, liver.
Ooh.
That looks abortion-y.
Could we have seven pounds
of that?
(man)
seven pounds it is.
there ya go.
Kendra gave me the money.
Ugh, I hate okra.
Well have you ever had it?
Excuse me.
No.
Why not?
Sounds like oprah.
Wouldn't want that
in a can.
So you don't like it
because of the label?
Want me to...
I hate labels.
Have you ever thought
about what it would be like
If--if there were no labels
on anything in the store?
Pretty random basically.
Yes, okay.
So people would take
the stuff home
And they would make it
and eat it
Before they even knew
if they liked it or not.
And I bet a lot of people
would throw out
A bunch of stuff
that sucked.
And I assert that
the same amount of people
If not more would find
new things.
New things that they loved.
But you know what I mean,
right?
kind of.
Okay, here we go.
No!
Alice, come on!
Don't spray me
with that stuff!
I promise it'll cheer you up.
You know when trixie's born,
We'll put make-up on her too.
You're gonna call her trixie?
Well either trixie
or pauline.
Ladybird.
You know, kate, I agree.
That man was a real pooh head
for firing you.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
But there's something
you may want to consider.
You know how we were brought up
To believe that men
were the stronger sex
Made of hard, hairy muscles
And granite and irish spring?
Did she just say
"hard, hairy muscles?"
"Hairy muscles."
And ladies are supposed to be
These mushy crybabies
With sparkly pink insides?
Well it turns out that men...
Are highly emotional creatures.
We must never humiliate them.
They are vulnerable
and needy.
And their hearts are just
as pink and mushy as ours,
If not pinker
and mushier.
Ew.
And scientists have found
that most men
Feel safer and stronger...
When women raise
their vocal tones
By just half a note.
Is that why you talk
like a disney princess?
This is some bullshit,
alice.
I'm not gonna chirp
like a hummingbird.
Mm-mm-mm.
Trust me, ladies.
I know of what I speak.
Now look at yourselves.
Don't we feel like
we can do anything?
I look good.
(max)
I never had
apricot pancakes before.
they're good.
I'm going to put some
of those apricots
Up in jars
so when fiona's born,
I'm going to make baby food.
fiona?
Is that what
you're calling her now?
Mm, I'm also considering
marybeth and ellodie
Ellodie?
Never heard that one before.
I made it up.
[Giggles]
You know when baby comes,
The rest are gonna have
to get used
To not being number one
anymore.
What, do you mean
kate and marshall?
No, silly, the others.
My charges,
buck and t.
What do you mean,
"your charges?"
They belong to you?
Well somebody has
to take care of the brood.
T's a flake
And buck's a high plains wolf.
And tara, well...
Hey.
Wanna ask you something.
If you tell me which
is your favorite name.
Ellodie.
Ooh, I like that one too!
Okay, if you're the keeper
Of all the alters,
Are there any others?
Any I don't know about?
Ooh! Ha!
What?
Oh, I think I just felt
a little kick.
She's getting so strong.
Alice, what are you
not telling me?
Nothing, my prince.
Hmm?
I need you to do something
for me.
Because I give you everything
you want,
Don't I?
Hmm?
Don't I?
What do you want?
I want you to meet
tara's doctor.
For me.
[Knocking]
Come.
I'd have mailed you
your check.
I didn't come for my check,
gene.
I came because...
I was thinking about
how everything went down.
and, um...
I just...
I ju--I just wanted to say
That I'm sorry for saying
the things that I did
About your generation.
it was very mean of me.
And I didn't mean
to make you feel old.
It did make me feel
very judged by you.
Yeah.
And I realized that...
We're in different places
in our life.
you know?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
but that doesn't mean
That we have to hate each other.
I could never hate you.
And I could never hate you.
Because I know that you have
a big heart.
Thank you.
For seeing it.
I did.
Can I have my job back, gene?
Hmm?
Gene, can I have my job back?
Please can I come back?
So I've narrowed it down
to my top three.
Ellodie, trixie,
and fiona.
(ocean)
they all sound good.
You seem very excited.
Oh, I've been waiting
my whole life for this.
Always been the kind
of woman
Who kept a handful
of butterscotch candies
In my apron to hand out
to the neighborhood children.
The sound of kids laughing
is like...
Is like a brook that quenches
The thirst of my soul song,
you know?
But he changed everything.
You changed everything.
I used to dream
about babies.
Now I dream about a baby
with your face.
Thank you, alice.
Are you going to, um...
Well, I'm really enjoying
meeting alice.
Okay, I gotta go
to the bathroom.
[Door shuts]
She's nice.
You know...
I need a minute.
[Whispers]
nothing got done today.
Nothing.
Look, you told tara
about the new alter.
She transitioned immediately.
She's afraid it's too much.
That there's no way
you could love anything
That far out.
Yeah, well, she's got that
fucking right.
Mm-hmm, well,
look at alice.
She's so invested
in keeping you
That she made a baby.
A baby that for all intents
and purposes is you.
Oh.
I'm a baby.
That's--that's crazy.
(ocean)
yeah, it is.
Crazy.
Max, I think...
It's time for you
to get your own therapist.
[Knocking]
Hootie hoo.
Everyone good here?
Yeah.
yeah.
yeah, we're done here.
[Sighs]
Shit.
(jason)
how long do we have?
Uh, I think the first tour
starts in about 15 minutes.
Nervous?
Not really.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, dad.
Big night, boys.
Big night.
What's that, uh,
theater convention?
Uh, you know, we're not
supposed to say "good luck."
It's "break a leg."
"Break a leg."
there it is.
Break a leg.
Marshall, can I have
a minute?
Yeah.
I'll see you inside, son.
Meet you in there.
I was just wondering whether
anything's changed
Since last we spoke.
Not that anybody can change
that quickly.
[Chuckles]
You know a lot of people
come through here
Thinking they can do
what you're doing.
They have?
But keeping christ
at a distance
Doesn't make you cool.
You haven't accepted
christ yet, have you?
Oh, that.
Um, yeah.
Um, you know what?
You're right.
When I came here,
I don't even think
that I was even,
You know, looking
for a personal savior.
And that's probably
what you're picking up on.
I knew it.
Could see it a mile away.
And you know what?
As--as soon as I am ready
to have a personal savior,
He's completely on top
of my list.
Well, good.
Break a leg.
Jesus.
Bye.
[Whispers]
fuck.
[Music from computer]
[Knocking]
[Music softens]
(boy)
hurry up!
file in! File in!
stop dilly-dallying!
get in the room!
Oh, thank you for agreeing
to come.
I think marshall
will be happy.
Plus we all might learn
something.
(Together)
satan forever!
This kids thought
it was just about the music!
little did they know
that popular music
is satan's favorite way
to recruit new souls.
Soon they will be mine
in hell.
Follow me!
Ooh.
Hello, kate.
This kid stopped going
to church.
His parents thought
he was going through a stage.
ha!
a stage!
Now he'll burn in hell
for all eternity!
Clouds change,
cracking open skies deranged.
Fragments.
Fragments.
for the universe would never
be the same again
That's right!
this is where they all
end up!
In hell!
a hell far worse
than you ever could've
imagined.
homos!
racists!
(max)
is that marshall?
gavin newsome!
movie stars!
vegans!
butt-fucking fruits!
let us make haste
before it's too late!
let us make haste
before it's too late!
That was an original piece
I wrote entitled
"Until after yesterday."
kate, I've given you
the after-school shift
on monday and I hope
To see you there.
[Sigh]
(Boy)
so let me surround you
With the abundant white light
of my love
And you shall be rescued
for all eternity.
Now if you would please go
to the salvation room,
We have people who want
to talk to you
About being saved.
Plus donuts.
(man)
amen.
[Chattering]
Could you come down here?
Oh, darling, just in time.
Jesus is blessing the baby.
That's not jesus.
He's acting.
He works at the three day blinds
by the interstate.
Hey, pauly.
I know.
I'm not a dingwit.
He can still bless our baby.
I'm so sorry.
Would you please excuse us,
jesus?
Why don't you care
about this baby?
Always all, "tell me
what happened to tara.
"I'm dudley detective
with a giant magnifying glass
I'm going to get
to the bottom of this."
Oh, is there something wrong
with that?
Yes.
You are relentless.
I heard you tell charmaine
You hunted down heidi
And now you've gone
and brought gimme out.
Alice, who's gimme?
Max, you listen to me.
You have no idea, okay?
You have no idea
what you're playing with.
Time to go home.
(girl)
wait, I changed my mind!
I don't want to do this.
(man)
you should've thought
about that
When you were having
unprotected sex
With the entire football team!
aagh!
[Laughing devilishly]
look what you've done,
you monster!
[Alice sobbing]
Tara?
[Grunts]
Alice?
Alice, are you okay?
I lost our baby,
my darling.
I lost ellodie.
I lost our little girl.
Oh, no.
No, honey.
That's not a miscarriage.
I looked at our schedule.
You just had your period.
Yes, honey.
Yes.
Oh, alice.
[Sobbing]
Come on, alice.
[Wailing]
I love you, alice.
* Send it farther on *
* *
* Solace my game *
* *
* Solace my game *
* It stars you *
* Swing wide your crane *
* *
* Swing wide your crane *
* And run me through *
can fix me?
I'm wary of anyone
who calls himself dr. Pete.
She's here?
yes, the person is here.
That's not my booby buddy.
What are we doing here?
What do you mean?
Wait, is it a hell house?
A what?
This evangelical play
That they use
to scare kids straight.
If marshall wants
to put his time into this,
I'm sure he has
a very good reason.
I had a bad bug encounter.
You're so cute.
Something happened to tara
When you two went to school.
His name is trip johansen.
I think I saw something.
New alter.
It's like an animal.
Ah!
What the fuck?
(Ocean)
you come in with her
and we'll talk together
About the memories
that have triggered all this.
[Contemplative music]
* *
* Open up the sky *
* This mess is getting high *
* It's windy
and our family needs a ride *
* *
* I know we'll be just fine *
* When we learn to love
the ride *
* *
* I know we'll be fine *
* When we learn to love
the ride *
* *
* I know we'll be
just fine *
* When we learn to love *
* The ride * *
Hey, dr. Ocean.
Max gregson.
Listen, I don't know
if you work weekends,
But tara's tara again
So I'd really like
to move her appointment up
Before she turns.
Okay?
Call me.
Thanks, bye.
Sorry, it's, uh, me again.
Look, I didn't know
if you were gonna work
the weekend thing out.
But, uh, I don't want
to do this alone,
And you told me not
to do it alone.
So...just...
I think I might so call me
either way, okay?
Hey.
Um, listen, I didn't mean
to make it sound
Like I wasn't gonna wait,
okay?
I can definitely wait.
I'll see you at
our next appointment time.
And I won't say a word.
I promise.
Your tummy messed up again?
What?
No.
Why?
You're doing
your diarrhea dance.
Oh.
No, no, I'm fine.
[sighs]
Okay, what?
nothing.
nada.
Baby, if you don't tell me
what you're pissed off about,
We'll end up in some dumb fight
About, I don't know,
Who forgot to change
the dishwasher filter.
It's not about
the dishwasher filter.
I'm not mad at you.
Then just say it.
[Laughs]
Ugh.
I think there may be
a new alter.
Oh, god.
Are you sure?
Remember how you thought
That none of you ruined
the mural?
Dr. Ocean says
with the appearance
of a new alter--
Wait, you and dr. Ocean
have been talking about this?
About me?
Together?
Well we wanted to tell you
together
but every time I call her,
she just--
she never answer--
Tell me.
Tell me everything now.
What's her name?
Oh, jeez, it's another dude.
Great.
I'm such a lesbian.
it's not a dude.
It's...
[Sighs]
What?
We're not sure.
It's animalistic.
Pure id I guess.
Okay, you're making me sound
Like an evil, rabid squirrel
or something.
Yeah.
Well it's kind of like that.
But the size of you.
I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, hey.
[Retching]
[Toilet flushes]
(kate)
a go for?
(max)
how many letters?
(alice)
I got newsy news!
[Sing-songy]
somebody's got puppies
in the oven!
I...
Am with child.
Oh, cool, alice.
is it a boy or a girl?
Too soon to tell.
It's not getting my room.
Me either.
I would've thought
you two
would've been
happy to have
A brand new little niblet
To bat around
a yarn ball with.
Oh, my god.
I'm out.
Hey, marsh,
you want me to pick you up
after school?
Um, no, it's okay.
I have rehearsal, so, um,
Opening night's tomorrow.
Ooh, your church pageant.
everybody in overland park
I ever hated and you're
gonna go pray with 'em?
I don't pray.
Huh.
Honey, listen to me.
I'm sorry but there
is no way
That you could be pregnant.
Tara has an iud.
Oh, pooh, I don't believe
in those things.
Well I don't think
it matters
If you believe in 'em.
The lord works
in mysterious ways.
That magical spirit
of an infant
Can wriggle its way around
That mean old devil's tree
in no time.
Now if I remember correctly,
I have some rickrack
That would look nifty
on a bib.
Hey, alice.
Listen.
Tara has a doctor's appointment
coming up
And if she's not back,
Could you go in her place?
You found us
an obstetrician?
Well, she's a therapist.
[Sighs]
Talky talky talk.
Naval gazers.
What a waste of one's time.
No, I won't do that.
Now those bibs,
Plus my puffy paint marker.
Ooh, we can set up
the crib.
Ugh.
Marshall.
Hi, pastor.
I'm glad I caught you.
Going to rehearsal?
Yep.
I just want you to know
I get what you're doing here.
And I'm not the only one
who can see it.
Everyone can.
They can?
Well you don't do
a very good job of hiding it.
Just know...
We're keeping an eye
on you, son.
And because national
has just taken receipt
Of over 35,000 tons
of beautiful crab
from israel,
we're initiating
abundantly crab month.
Now who here can tell me
What's in the crab mountain
melee salad?
Um...
Crab, iceberg, egg,
tomato, carrot, crouton...
choice of dressing.
Nice, tonya.
nice!
good.
kate, you haven't, uh,
Answered any ice breakers.
Do you have a handout
with you?
[Light chuckling]
Uh-oh.
Getting crabby?
I won't punish you.
I mean
Not unless you ask me to.
Shift change, people.
First person to sell
anything crab
Wins a starbucks card.
Go go go.
Hey, uh, katie, wait up.
[Knocking]
Hey, drugstore cowboy.
Asshole.
Look, I really don't want
To have to do this
with her.
Alice is not gonna let me
watch her pee.
You really think
there's a chance
She could be knocked up?
Is there a chance
that crazy shit
Constantly happens
around here?
Where is she?
Upstairs.
You owe me, mister.
Whatever.
Asshole.
That's what they call me.
Tomorrow is not just
opening night
For friends and family.
We're gonna have one vip coming
who expects a lot.
A vip called the lord.
I need everybody to pitch in.
Starting with
the hell-dwellers.
Stoners, sweep out
the columbine set.
Jews, jews, jews,
Ask you moms for some platters
for the donuts
In the conversion room.
Homos, I'm sending you out
on errands.
Uh, kyle and devin,
Go to the bank
and grab some singles
For the ticket booth.
Jason, marshall,
go to the grocery store
And grab some abortion meat.
cool?
[Chattering]
Okay.
stop it.
Stop what, kitty kate?
stop with the name.
Stop singling me out
At your little crab updates.
stop blabbing to people.
just stop it.
I've been getting
this totally sketch feeling
For the past couple of days
And grambo keeps winking at me
with his one good eye.
I--I haven't said a word
to anyone.
Yeah, but you want people
to know, right?
Like subconsciously
or something.
Like it's like I can feel you
claiming me.
[Sighs]
If it's cool with you,
I just think
we should just can it.
Can it?
Can what?
can this.
You know,
I think it's kind of hard
for you to understand
Because, like,
Of your generation
or whatever.
but, like, you take everything
really seriously.
like...like, people my age,
We just, like, hook up
and then we move on.
So, like, like,
when you do stuff,
Like, text me about
how my latin test went,
It's funky.
so...
Mm-hmm.
[Sighs]
I feel a lot better
saying that.
I really just want
to be an employee again.
I'm glad you feel better but...
I'm not sure I can do that.
I think it's best
if I had you transferred.
Well, you can't do that
because the closest barnabeez
Is, like, 40 million miles away
in shawnee.
yeah.
I can't walk there
from school, gene.
[Laughs]
Fine.
Then I'll just terminate you
then.
On what grounds?
plenty.
You're the slowest
ketchup-marrier on staff.
Your refusal to follow
fashion standards.
general lack of glee.
Lack of glee?
Yeah.
gene.
I'm sorry, kate,
but you're done here.
Ugh.
Good-bye.
leave the visor.
[Fumes]
[Grunts, hums]
[Scoffs]
Stop watching me.
I'm not watching.
I can't make sissy
with all this pressure.
[Sighs]
I'm so excited.
You're gonna be
an auntie, charmaine.
Mm-hmm.
Your new bust line
turned out well.
thanks.
Did it hurt?
I'm feeling better now.
Ooh, we're in business.
It's pink, it's pink!
I knew it!
We're having a girl!
[Laughs]
That's negative, right?
Yeah, it's pink no matter what.
There'd be a plus sign
if there was an actual baby.
Thank god.
I just don't want to be there
The day she tries to check
herself into a hospital
And squish out
an invisible baby.
Maybe I do.
You never told me
what happened with heidi.
oh, yeah, yeah.
I met her.
Hey, does the name johansen
mean anything to you?
Guess there's a building
At the school with the family's
name all over it.
I don't know.
Got nada for you.
I was in a whole other state.
Ow.
[Seethes]
It's driving me fucking nuts.
It's like I know too much
But I don't know enough.
I just want to fix it.
You're funny.
Why?
That you think
you can fix it.
Now for the smaller brush.
Thank you.
Hmm.
Times like this I really wish
Tara taught me how to paint.
Tara can teach you things?
Of course she can, silly.
We're never too old to learn.
I learn from all of them.
Even t.
[Laughs]
even buck.
Buck helped me a bunch
last week.
[Door opens]
With my surgery.
Oh, I like him.
He's such a wild man.
[Approaching footsteps]
Oh.
I thought my mom
might be back.
Oh, no.
Got way too much to do.
You okay?
I got fucking fired
from my fucking work today.
and don't go for the soap
Or I'll find a set of stairs
And I will push you
down them.
Kate.
When's the last time
you washed your hair?
Does that look like
an abortion to you?
Kind of.
Oh, liver.
Ooh.
That looks abortion-y.
Could we have seven pounds
of that?
(man)
seven pounds it is.
there ya go.
Kendra gave me the money.
Ugh, I hate okra.
Well have you ever had it?
Excuse me.
No.
Why not?
Sounds like oprah.
Wouldn't want that
in a can.
So you don't like it
because of the label?
Want me to...
I hate labels.
Have you ever thought
about what it would be like
If--if there were no labels
on anything in the store?
Pretty random basically.
Yes, okay.
So people would take
the stuff home
And they would make it
and eat it
Before they even knew
if they liked it or not.
And I bet a lot of people
would throw out
A bunch of stuff
that sucked.
And I assert that
the same amount of people
If not more would find
new things.
New things that they loved.
But you know what I mean,
right?
kind of.
Okay, here we go.
No!
Alice, come on!
Don't spray me
with that stuff!
I promise it'll cheer you up.
You know when trixie's born,
We'll put make-up on her too.
You're gonna call her trixie?
Well either trixie
or pauline.
Ladybird.
You know, kate, I agree.
That man was a real pooh head
for firing you.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
But there's something
you may want to consider.
You know how we were brought up
To believe that men
were the stronger sex
Made of hard, hairy muscles
And granite and irish spring?
Did she just say
"hard, hairy muscles?"
"Hairy muscles."
And ladies are supposed to be
These mushy crybabies
With sparkly pink insides?
Well it turns out that men...
Are highly emotional creatures.
We must never humiliate them.
They are vulnerable
and needy.
And their hearts are just
as pink and mushy as ours,
If not pinker
and mushier.
Ew.
And scientists have found
that most men
Feel safer and stronger...
When women raise
their vocal tones
By just half a note.
Is that why you talk
like a disney princess?
This is some bullshit,
alice.
I'm not gonna chirp
like a hummingbird.
Mm-mm-mm.
Trust me, ladies.
I know of what I speak.
Now look at yourselves.
Don't we feel like
we can do anything?
I look good.
(max)
I never had
apricot pancakes before.
they're good.
I'm going to put some
of those apricots
Up in jars
so when fiona's born,
I'm going to make baby food.
fiona?
Is that what
you're calling her now?
Mm, I'm also considering
marybeth and ellodie
Ellodie?
Never heard that one before.
I made it up.
[Giggles]
You know when baby comes,
The rest are gonna have
to get used
To not being number one
anymore.
What, do you mean
kate and marshall?
No, silly, the others.
My charges,
buck and t.
What do you mean,
"your charges?"
They belong to you?
Well somebody has
to take care of the brood.
T's a flake
And buck's a high plains wolf.
And tara, well...
Hey.
Wanna ask you something.
If you tell me which
is your favorite name.
Ellodie.
Ooh, I like that one too!
Okay, if you're the keeper
Of all the alters,
Are there any others?
Any I don't know about?
Ooh! Ha!
What?
Oh, I think I just felt
a little kick.
She's getting so strong.
Alice, what are you
not telling me?
Nothing, my prince.
Hmm?
I need you to do something
for me.
Because I give you everything
you want,
Don't I?
Hmm?
Don't I?
What do you want?
I want you to meet
tara's doctor.
For me.
[Knocking]
Come.
I'd have mailed you
your check.
I didn't come for my check,
gene.
I came because...
I was thinking about
how everything went down.
and, um...
I just...
I ju--I just wanted to say
That I'm sorry for saying
the things that I did
About your generation.
it was very mean of me.
And I didn't mean
to make you feel old.
It did make me feel
very judged by you.
Yeah.
And I realized that...
We're in different places
in our life.
you know?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
but that doesn't mean
That we have to hate each other.
I could never hate you.
And I could never hate you.
Because I know that you have
a big heart.
Thank you.
For seeing it.
I did.
Can I have my job back, gene?
Hmm?
Gene, can I have my job back?
Please can I come back?
So I've narrowed it down
to my top three.
Ellodie, trixie,
and fiona.
(ocean)
they all sound good.
You seem very excited.
Oh, I've been waiting
my whole life for this.
Always been the kind
of woman
Who kept a handful
of butterscotch candies
In my apron to hand out
to the neighborhood children.
The sound of kids laughing
is like...
Is like a brook that quenches
The thirst of my soul song,
you know?
But he changed everything.
You changed everything.
I used to dream
about babies.
Now I dream about a baby
with your face.
Thank you, alice.
Are you going to, um...
Well, I'm really enjoying
meeting alice.
Okay, I gotta go
to the bathroom.
[Door shuts]
She's nice.
You know...
I need a minute.
[Whispers]
nothing got done today.
Nothing.
Look, you told tara
about the new alter.
She transitioned immediately.
She's afraid it's too much.
That there's no way
you could love anything
That far out.
Yeah, well, she's got that
fucking right.
Mm-hmm, well,
look at alice.
She's so invested
in keeping you
That she made a baby.
A baby that for all intents
and purposes is you.
Oh.
I'm a baby.
That's--that's crazy.
(ocean)
yeah, it is.
Crazy.
Max, I think...
It's time for you
to get your own therapist.
[Knocking]
Hootie hoo.
Everyone good here?
Yeah.
yeah.
yeah, we're done here.
[Sighs]
Shit.
(jason)
how long do we have?
Uh, I think the first tour
starts in about 15 minutes.
Nervous?
Not really.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, dad.
Big night, boys.
Big night.
What's that, uh,
theater convention?
Uh, you know, we're not
supposed to say "good luck."
It's "break a leg."
"Break a leg."
there it is.
Break a leg.
Marshall, can I have
a minute?
Yeah.
I'll see you inside, son.
Meet you in there.
I was just wondering whether
anything's changed
Since last we spoke.
Not that anybody can change
that quickly.
[Chuckles]
You know a lot of people
come through here
Thinking they can do
what you're doing.
They have?
But keeping christ
at a distance
Doesn't make you cool.
You haven't accepted
christ yet, have you?
Oh, that.
Um, yeah.
Um, you know what?
You're right.
When I came here,
I don't even think
that I was even,
You know, looking
for a personal savior.
And that's probably
what you're picking up on.
I knew it.
Could see it a mile away.
And you know what?
As--as soon as I am ready
to have a personal savior,
He's completely on top
of my list.
Well, good.
Break a leg.
Jesus.
Bye.
[Whispers]
fuck.
[Music from computer]
[Knocking]
[Music softens]
(boy)
hurry up!
file in! File in!
stop dilly-dallying!
get in the room!
Oh, thank you for agreeing
to come.
I think marshall
will be happy.
Plus we all might learn
something.
(Together)
satan forever!
This kids thought
it was just about the music!
little did they know
that popular music
is satan's favorite way
to recruit new souls.
Soon they will be mine
in hell.
Follow me!
Ooh.
Hello, kate.
This kid stopped going
to church.
His parents thought
he was going through a stage.
ha!
a stage!
Now he'll burn in hell
for all eternity!
Clouds change,
cracking open skies deranged.
Fragments.
Fragments.
for the universe would never
be the same again
That's right!
this is where they all
end up!
In hell!
a hell far worse
than you ever could've
imagined.
homos!
racists!
(max)
is that marshall?
gavin newsome!
movie stars!
vegans!
butt-fucking fruits!
let us make haste
before it's too late!
let us make haste
before it's too late!
That was an original piece
I wrote entitled
"Until after yesterday."
kate, I've given you
the after-school shift
on monday and I hope
To see you there.
[Sigh]
(Boy)
so let me surround you
With the abundant white light
of my love
And you shall be rescued
for all eternity.
Now if you would please go
to the salvation room,
We have people who want
to talk to you
About being saved.
Plus donuts.
(man)
amen.
[Chattering]
Could you come down here?
Oh, darling, just in time.
Jesus is blessing the baby.
That's not jesus.
He's acting.
He works at the three day blinds
by the interstate.
Hey, pauly.
I know.
I'm not a dingwit.
He can still bless our baby.
I'm so sorry.
Would you please excuse us,
jesus?
Why don't you care
about this baby?
Always all, "tell me
what happened to tara.
"I'm dudley detective
with a giant magnifying glass
I'm going to get
to the bottom of this."
Oh, is there something wrong
with that?
Yes.
You are relentless.
I heard you tell charmaine
You hunted down heidi
And now you've gone
and brought gimme out.
Alice, who's gimme?
Max, you listen to me.
You have no idea, okay?
You have no idea
what you're playing with.
Time to go home.
(girl)
wait, I changed my mind!
I don't want to do this.
(man)
you should've thought
about that
When you were having
unprotected sex
With the entire football team!
aagh!
[Laughing devilishly]
look what you've done,
you monster!
[Alice sobbing]
Tara?
[Grunts]
Alice?
Alice, are you okay?
I lost our baby,
my darling.
I lost ellodie.
I lost our little girl.
Oh, no.
No, honey.
That's not a miscarriage.
I looked at our schedule.
You just had your period.
Yes, honey.
Yes.
Oh, alice.
[Sobbing]
Come on, alice.
[Wailing]
I love you, alice.
* Send it farther on *
* *
* Solace my game *
* *
* Solace my game *
* It stars you *
* Swing wide your crane *
* *
* Swing wide your crane *
* And run me through *