Underbelly (2008–2013): Season 6, Episode 8 - Squizzy Cooks a Goose - full transcript

-= Previously on Underbelly(S06): Squizzy =-

1927 was a pretty
shitty year for Squizzy Taylor.

Mind you, 1924
wasn't a whole lot better.

In April '24,

he'd lost his second-best mate,
Angus Murray,

to the hangman's noose,

and even worse, his very
best mate and right-hand man

Albert 'Tankbuster' McDonald

had turned his back
on Squizzy for good.

In fact, all things considered,

1924 was turning out
to be an annus horribilis

for the Little General.

Hey, fellas.

Here. This is for your mother.
You look like you need a feed.

And it's not for gin.


You know what? Here.
Take the lot.

Cripes! Thanks.

You... are shit.

Go get help!

Is she alive?

Someone get a doctor!

Court today.

I should be a divorced man
by dinnertime.


Was it you?

Who says it was me?

The tram driver spotted
your car making a fast getaway.

Yeah, of course he did.

Every crime in Melbourne

Squizzy Taylor
gets the blame for.

How come the Hudson's
got a broken headlamp, then?

Are you accusing me
of killing that poor girl?

Go on, spit it out, alright.

- Did you?
- Of course, I didn't.

How can I sleep at night,
if I did something like that?

What's sort of man do you think I am?

Rights, I'm that sort of man...
that wants to marry my best girl.

Just a soon as the judge
gives me the "all clear".

Which is hopefully today.

You promise?

"Something old, something new,"

"Something borrowed,
something blue"

"And a silver sixpence in you shoe."

But if someone asks,

I was with you that day.

We went to the races,
didn't get home till late.

Did we back any winners?

That's my girl.

I declare "Decree nisi",

that the marriage be dissolved

by reason that the said
Joseph Theodore Leslie Taylor

did desert his wife

and did commit adultery

on far too many occasions
to list here and now.


No hard feelings, Lorn?

Hmpf. Pay me the £3 a week
maintenance you owe

and we'll see.

Uh, £2 10s a week.

10 pound a month, he said.
That's £2 10s a week.

How's little Lesley?

I've changed her name to Patsy.


Ides, come on. Get a wriggle on.

Isn't it bad luck for the groom

to see the wedding dress
before the wedding?

Well, I count my good luck every time
I see your pretty face.

You remember when we first met?


Apologies, Mr Taylor.

I am Lady Margaret Stanley's

Her Ladyship desires
a word with you.

Sorry, Lady...?

Governor Arthur Stanley's wife.

Former Governor Stanley,
that is.

About what?

I couldn't say, sir.
I am but a humble spear carrier.

Well, we were just on our way
to the church to get hitched.

Do me a favour, mate.

She gets awfully bloody cranky
when people say no.

Thank you for coming, Leslie.

May I call you "Leslie"?

Well, if I can
call you "Margaret".

"Mrs Stanley" will do nicely.

Would you look at
something for me?

Thank you.

It's a scrapbook.

I've got one exactly the same

with all my articles
ever written.

Yes, I've been following your...

Look at this -
the Kilpatricks jewellery job.

When I think of the planning
that went into it,

the imagination...

Yeah, that was good, very good.

But imagine if you tackled
a legitimate career

with the same verve and vigour.

Yeah, I'd just be like all the
other bloody mugs in the street.

Excuse my French.

You could be wealthy
and admired

for all the right reasons.

Well, I'm sorry, darling,

but I wasn't born with a
silver spoon in me gob, alright?

I... I'm sorry, but why are you
wasting your time on me for?

We've lost too many young men.

I don't want you
to be one of them.

Right, I get it.

So this is your good deed
for the day, is it?

You're bored with the
starving kids in India, are ya?

I'm late for me wedding.

Let me drive you.

Mmm, I could lie here forever.



The city.

We should move north.


Oh, to make a new start.

Do you mean
do something straight?

Well, the jacks
don't know us up there.

The town's ripe
for the picking.

Plus, all the gangsters
up there are sheilas.

Yeah, I read all about it.

It's... it's pussy town
up there, soft as butter.

We could be running
that joint inside 6 months.

What do you reckon?

Where you go, I go.

First I gotta get off

this bloody
harbouring a fugitive charge.

I really wish that
bank manager hadn't died.

Oh, it's the jury.
That's the key.

Gotta get them
to see my point of view.

I mean, what sort of bloke
would turn down a mate

when he needs some shelter?

Do you miss Angus?

Before the murder of bank
manager Mr T.R.V.

Berriman was committed...

You can't be serious.

You gave me
an iron-clad guarantee

my fee would
be paid in advance.

Well, I'm just a little short
this week, Eugene.

Oh, how droll. How very droll.

Mr Gorman!

Mr Taylor has elected

to dispense with
my services, Your Honour.

Good day to you all.

I'll be representing meself,
Your Honour...

..may that please the court.

Gentlemen of the jury, friends,

I am entirely innocent
of these outrageous charges.

This is an ongoing and false
police conspiracy against me.

That's all it is.

Not now, Mr Taylor.

You know what?
Mateship is at the heart of this.

Shut up, sit down
and wait your turn!

hadn't done serious jail time

since he was a kid.

He was famous for his ability
to wriggle out of custody.

So he didn't waste
a single second

imagining this time
would be any different.

All rise.

Let's get this over with.
Taylor, on your feet.

How say you? Is the
defendant guilty or not guilty?

Guilty as charged.


- No...
- No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

That's absurd.
I'm an innocent man!

Your time has run out at last,
Squizzy Taylor.

Take him down.
I'm an innocent man, Your Honour!

- That's ridiculous!
- No! No!

You can't do this!


This woman is in labour!

Squizzy Taylor's luck
had run dry.

Convicted of harbouring
the murderer Angus Murray,

he was sentenced
to 6 months hard labour

in Victoria's harshest prison,

Pentridge - another word for "hell".

" My dearest love, "

" I'm happy to say
our beautiful baby daughter "

"arrived safely after all
the rumpus in the courtroom. "

"I call her Gloria "

" and she is truly the loveliest
creature in all of God's earth. "

" Be strong, my love. "

" Dear Ida,
don't fret on my account. "

" I am healthy and well "

" and looking forward to being
reunited with you one day soon. "

" P.S. Tell everyone
I'm doing just fine. "

" Tell them all. "

Who knows
what outrages Squizzy suffered

at the hands of his enemies
in the months that followed?

He was alone
and had no protection

so it doesn't take
too much imagination.

What do you want?

You don't look so pretty, Les.

I'm having the time of me life.

Is this part of the, uh...

..the happy future you
mapped out for yourself, is it?

But you're lucky.
You're gonna be out in a few months.

Next time it'll be five years.

It doesn't have
to be like that, Les.

You could walk away from here
and never come back

if you're smart.

And I've known you
since you were a kid.

I know you're smart.

You got kids. You got two
beautiful little daughters.

You wanna see them grow up,
don't ya?

Hard labour doesn't mean
I have to listen to this shit.

Leslie was bottle-fed.
Didn't do him any harm.

Do you want to go
and sit with Grandma?

Are you, um, able to burp her?

Well, what are you doing?

Where are you going?
I just need some air.

I lock up at seven!

G'day, mate.

Drive me to the nearest pub.

Your mum reckons I'm to take
you straight home to her joint.

Who's the fucking boss here?

Righto, Les, whatever you say.

Les is dead.

Call me Squizzy.

Come on. One here. I want one.

What are you going
to do with yourself?

I don't know.

Go back to the racecourse?

Don't know.

I expected better from you.

Why don't you learn an honest
trade like your father's?

Ma, drop it.

Look, you're never too old to learn,
you're never too old to change.

Ma, drop it!
Alright, fine.

I'll speak with you in the morning,
when you're sensible.

Sorry, kid.

How is she?

I'm not a kid. I'm your wife.

She's fine.

She needs to be baptised, though,

and she needs
her father around.

I don't want you going
back to prison. Promise me.

Oh, I'm not going back there.
I'm never going back there.

" Dearest Ida,"

" the moment I first saw you,
I was yours. "

" That night
at Henry Stokes's club "

" my heart skipped a beat... "

Ida, you fucking little whore!

So whilst I'm locked away,
you go out and play?

We had a dance and a drink
and George took a liking to me.

"George" ?! Jesus Christ.
How long have you been fucking him?

I haven't been fucking him!

Then why did you
keep his fucking letters?

Oh, I don't know.
'Cause he told me I was pretty.

That's only for me to say,
you fucking little slut.

How dare you,
you despicable man!

How dare you strike a woman!

My God! How did I bring up

such a vicious
little bully like you?

Hold onto your hats, gents.
Squizzy Taylor's gone straight.


He's bought a barber shop.
A barber shop?

It's gotta be a front.

Well, let's keep
a close eye on him.

A wrong move and...

Be very careful, Les.

You just hold still.

Cut my throat,
I'll never forgive you.

Oh, you bloody idiot!

Hey, no need to be
rude now, Henry.

Mate, that's...
that's on the house.

No, no, no.

Good luck.
You're gonna need it.

Lady Stanley.

Sorry, I only do gentlemen.
Even that's a bit beyond me.

I've always wanted
to try out one of these.

Oh, well,
then I'll give you a ride.


What does a straight razor
feel like?

Surely it must hurt.

Why don't you hold very still?

Thanks for popping in.

I...I wanted to say

I'm proud of what
you're doing, Les.

That's why I came.

And to give you this.

It's a cigarette lighter -

A small gesture to say
keep it up.

I know it's not easy to change.

Thank you...


This is it. You're welcome
to stay as long as you like.

Oh thanks, Dolly.
You're a brick.

Well, it might get a bit noisy
when I got customers,

but bang on the floor
with a shoe.

I'll just tell them
it's me husband up here

writing his life story.

Hey, thanks, Doll.

You never deserved
a shit like me.


Are you really going straight?

I owe it to the girls.

Well, don't do nothing
to hurt them.

You'll have to answer to me.

Squizzy Taylor,
you sly little shit.

Long Harry.

Relax. You don't need a weapon.

What are you doing
back in Melbourne?



In fact, I thought we might
do some business together.

I'm out of your business, Harry.
I cut hair now.

It does make a change from
diluting liquor, I suppose.

You know what this is, Les?

Cocaine. You can buy it over
the counter at any chemist.

Correct, but not
for much longer.

You see, the government's
gonna outlaw it any day now.

You know what happens
when they do?

The price will go up.
Through the roof.

I have got myself
a steady supply in Sydney -

contacts on the wharves.

I am going
to distribute down here.

That's where you come in.

No, I'm not in this
anymore, Harry. I'm out.

It's good to see you.

It's a sort of stew.

I used the last
of the corned beef

and some brussels sprouts
that Dolly gave me

and a dollop of Vegemite
for flavour.

Oh, it looks lovely, darl.
Thank you.

Les, if we save hard
and watch our pennies...


We could afford a flat...

..with a separate kitchen
and an inside lavatory.

Yes, something
to look forward to.

I'm really proud
of what you're doing.

I mean it.

When was the last time
I told you I love you?

Will you do something for me?

For your daughter?


Throw away your gun.

Squizzy Taylor's
good intentions to go straight

couldn't last.

He was sick of being a mug.

He just wasn't made
for the square-head life.

You've lost
a pound or two, sir.

Yeah, I'm down
to me fighting weight.

Just so.

Long Harry Slater

had made Squizzy an offer
too good to refuse.

No surprise,
he grasped it in both hands,

plunged headfirst
into the cocaine trade

and embraced his destiny.

Mate, Harry's on the warpath.

Oh, pfft!
Who gives a fucking shit?

You should, you little prick!

Have you forgotten our
agreement? Have ya, Leslie?

Net profit split 60-40 my way.

Which I'm sticking to
like shit on a blanket.

Right, so how do you
explain the fact

that I'm shipping more and more
gear down here every month

and you're putting
less and less in me pocket?

"Overheads", Harry.

The cost of doing business
in the big city's gone up.

I told you, "do not stiff me".

You don't get
a third warning, Leslie.

Do you remember me?

You do. I'm touched.

Now remember this, Stokes.

That mongrel terrier of yours
gyps me again,

I am going to come after
the both of you.

This time you're not
gonna walk away.

Don't you threaten me,
you bloody pissant.

That is not a threat, Stokes.

That's a deadset
fucking guarantee.

Keep him in line.

Taylor's been out on his own.

I've had nothing to do with him
since he went to jail.

Thanks, Charlie.

So what do you reckon,
love, eh?

Home sweet home.
We're gonna be happy here.

Do you promise?


I think we should get a dog.
Or do you reckon a cat?

Maybe a pony.

You just be careful, OK?

There's nothing to worry
your pretty head about.

Well, then,
what's he doing here?

A moment of your
valuable time, Mr Taylor.

Just go in.
Mrs Taylor.

Go in with Mummy, hmm?

Let's go in.

What are you doing here?

You had a chance
to do the right thing.

You made a good start of it
with your barber shop and that.

That took guts, Les.
I respected you for that.

What's all this bullshit about?

I'm a businessman.


You're on thin ice!

" Dear Sir, I feel
I must bring to your attention "

" the unsatisfactory conduct "

" of this city's
senior police detectives. "

" I speak, of course, of
Messrs Brophy and Piggott... "

" ..who falsely accused me
of involvement I the cocaine trade. "

" I can only presume
they are creating a smokescreen "

" to cover their own
nefarious activities. "

" Yours most sincerely,
Leslie 'Squizzy' Taylor, Esquire. "

That's straight-out libellous.

Clever. He's just nobbled
any future jury.

We're the real villains.

It says so here in the
newspaper in black and white.

It's a lie, James.

The little blighter's out of control.
He needs to be stopped.


Give me your wallet! Fuck off!
Give me your wallet now!


That was you, wasn't it?!

You don't come down here...
Do you wanna get yourself killed?

Your place is at home with...
What about us, Les?

What about us? You go back
to jail and what happens to us?

You do as you're bloody told!
Drive her home now.

Don't you dare
treat me like Lorna!

Jesus Christ.

The stuff that comes out
of that woman's mouth.

I treat her like a fucking queen
and she talks to me like that.


Hey, Billy, I want 50 to win -
number four in the plate.

Oh, you're gonna
send me broke, Squizzy.

Oh, well, you can suck my dick.

Snowy Cutmore.

You thought I was dead,
didn't ya?

I oughta be,

except our old mate Tankbuster
turns out to be a decent cove.

Never had the stomach
to do your own dirty work.

Hey, hey.

Get out of my way.

You should have done it
yourself, mate,

made sure I was
good and dead....

..because the only reason
I've come back to Melbourne

is to return the favour.

Enjoy every breath, mate.

Could be your last.

I don't mind living
in a cold-water flat.

I don't mind what happens
as long as I'm with you.

When was the last time
I told you I love ya?

Don't go.

I have to.

Stay here with me.


I gotta go see a mate.



It's gotta be now.

And everyone has to know
it was Squizzy Taylor.

On the morning
of October 27, 1927,

Squizzy Taylor
made the worst decision

of his short, brutal life.

He decided to go
looking for Snowy Cutmore

to kill him before Snowy
had a chance to get in first.

But it was more
than self-preservation.

He was making
a statement to the world -

"I'm back, and I can deal with
anyone who gets in my way."

Sometime that afternoon,

Squizzy found Snowy
at his mother's house.

As luck would have it,

Snowy was ill
with a heavy dose of the flu.

Bless you.

Tankbuster just postponed
the inevitable, mate.

Squizz, please.

Give me a chance.

A chance to do what?
Kiss my arse?

We're mates.

We used to be.

I loved you once.

Squizzy was shot 4 times.

That's beyond debate.

But was it really Snowy Cutmore
who fired those shots?

Well, the coroner of the day
returned an open verdict.

In the decades since,

several alternative scenarios
have been proposed.

Bless you.

Tankbuster just postponed
the inevitable, mate.


Give me a chance.

What are you waiting for?

The gun was found in
the lane behind the house,

which some say supports
the vengeful mother theory.

But there's another,
more sinister, scenario -

that someone else
was present that day,

a third party who wanted to see

the last of both
Squizzy and Snowy,

took advantage of their feud

and brought a hired gun
down from Sydney

to help things along.

Bless you.

What are you waiting for?

Which one are you,
Stiffy or Mo?

Sorry, ma'm.

But if there was another gunman

who hired him?

There's nothing new in crims
ganging up on other crims -

unless it wasn't
criminals at all.

In the end, does it matter?

The man died as he lived.

He was a remarkable man.



He was.

He was!

I know he wasn't always a good boy.
I do know that.

I'm not a fool.

Poor Leslie.

He, um... he had
this cigarette case

and he wanted me
to give it to you.

For me?

He wrote a card.

"To one who understands
from one misunderstood."

I loved him.

So did I.

And me.

" When you live, live in clover "

" 'cause when you're dead,
you're dead all over. "

You make the most of your chances.
Isn't that right?


Squizzy Taylor was 39 years old

when he was shot dead.

Pickpocket, armed robber,
jury rigger, fraudster,

thief, sly grogger,
actor, street poet.

He was clever enough
to do anything

and yet he left behind
a trail of misery.

In fact, Squizzy
was probably responsible

for the violent deaths of as
many as a dozen men and women,

most of them honest citizens.

And yet a hundred years later,
we treat him like a folk hero,

an urban Ned Kelly.

So I suppose in the end,

Squizzy got what
he most wanted.