Underbelly (2008–2013): Season 6, Episode 5 - Squizzy Tempts Fate - full transcript

- What's your name?
- Lorna Kelly.

When I met Les, I had no idea
who he was or what he did.

- I know.
- I just want him to be a better person.

Les, she looks like you.

My little baby girl.

I'm gonna give her the world.

Maybe now's the time
to get an honest job.

Don't you want your daughter
to grow up proud of her dad?

No, you said you'd
given all of that up!

Lorn?

She's dead, Les.



Our little girl is dead.

Where were you
when we needed you?

Oh, Lord, you blessed us with
June for such a brief time.

Your wisdom to call her home
to your care is all-knowing.

We ask for your support
in this time of sorrow.

They reckon a man's
in control of his own destiny.

Decisions he makes along
the way determine his fate.

Bullshit.

It's a lottery.

You live a saintly life,

you're just as likely
to get hit by a runaway train

as if you're
a real evil bastard.

Luck.

That's all it is.



There's no master plan.

It's just a matter of luck.

Sometimes you land on black,
sometimes you don't.

Can't win 'em all.

Just have another drink.

Have another spin.

Les.

What are you doing?

Ah! You startled me.
What the hell are you doing?

Jean at the Temperance Union
is expecting

so I'm giving her some things.

Get her to go out and buy
her own things. That's June's.

It's time, Les.
Don't talk rubbish to me.

How many months do we wait?

I placed a notice
for a boarder.

No, you're not.

I'm not having some bloke
in my house

whilst I'm at the track
trying to earn a living,

he's just wandering...

Who said it was a man?

I have girlfriends
out looking for places

while our bills pile up.

If you've spent
what I've given you

you're gonna have to wait -
the jacks are milking me dry.

For an innocent man,

you spend a lot of money
proving it to people.

What a fine thing for
a wife to say to her husband.

Let me go.

I'll tell you
when the time's right.

Right, according to my sources,
the richest bank in Fitzroy is

that Commercial job
up on the corner.

What sources?

Cellarman from
the Railway Hotel.

He was a bank teller

till he got caught
taking his work home.

That's perfect.
That's the one we hit.

You know the whole of Fitzroy
belongs to the Narrows Gang.

Yeah, I know that.

Fact is, the Whitings,

they held that bank up
a couple of years ago.

Yeah, I know that, too.

Les, we rob that bank

and everyone will think
it will be them.

Exactly.
You know what will happen?

The jacks will beat
the shit out of them.

Ted and Bunny,
they'll figure out

who it was and they'll
come looking for us.

Well, you're getting
the hang of this, Tank.

You want a war?

Hmm, is that it?

What will be will be.

You got a death wish, I reckon.

You sure about this? You're
stirring up a bull ant's nest.

You lost your balls, mate?

Well, at least I haven't
lost my mind.

You're really starting
to piss me off, Tank.

Are you with me or against me?
Just be careful, eh?

Psst! Five minutes, yeah?

All done, Ted.
Great, thank you, Bunny.

Come and grab the money.

Hey! I said eyes front!

Please. We have families.

Oh, we've all got
fuckin' families, mate.

You think you're special 'cause
you got a fuckin' wife and kids?

Easy, mate. Ted...

Let's go, Bunny. Grab the
fuckin' money and let's go!

Go! Go!

We just robbed a bank
in Smith Street.

You and me, the Commercial.

Knocked off by two jokers
named Ted and Bunny.

Wasn't me.
Wasn't me neither.

Some other bastard's been
using our name in vain.

Why?

Well, why do you think,
boofhead?

Don't move! Don't move!

Ted and Bunny Whiting,

I'm placing you both under
arrest for armed robbery.

We were nowhere near that bank!

And how exactly did you know
it was a bank robbery, sunshine?

We've got alibis.

How do you know what time
this bank robbery occurred?

This is a bloody fit-up.
We've been here all day.

How tall are you, short stuff?
Taller than Squizzy Taylor.

Take 'em away.

He was the only one
that you saw?

Yes. His handkerchief
was about his throat.

I didn't really get a chance
to look at the other two.

Must have been
a bit distracting.

Eyebrows? Bushy?
Not too bushy, though.

His nose?
How would you describe that?

Thin? Bulbous? Big? Small?

Hairy?
Small.

Approximate height?
Oh, he was very short.

Yes, yes.

You'd recognise him
if you saw him?

Certainly.
Definitely.

Mr Brophy, any right reason

we can't arrest
your pal Taylor directly?

Witnesses against
Squizzy Taylor have a habit

of disappearing off the face
of the earth without trace.

My advice is
don't jump too early.

What are you doin' here?

I'm very sorry
for your loss, Les.

Parents burying their children,
that's not the natural order.

You visited Fitzroy lately?

Got that big Commercial Bank
up on the corner there.

Well, that'd be
the Narrows Gang territory.

Got your grubby little
pawmarks all over it, sport.

Yeah, you come and see me
when you've got some proof.

Parents tend to remember

the man who knocked their baby
to the ground, Les.

I never touched no baby.

They remember you very clearly.

What do you reckon?

I don't know if
the eyes are 100% right...

You reckon that's me?
Maybe it's the jawline.

But it's you, alright.

And I don't know what your
beef is with the Narrows Gang,

but you'd better drop it,

'cause someone's gonna
end up getting killed,

and it might be you.

Hello there.

Can I help you?

I'm looking to buy a present.

Silk stockings, maybe.

Well, we have silk, chiffon or
the latest rayon from America.

What's rayon?

It's man-made.

Fancy that.

Have we met?

I don't think so, no.

The Palais de Danse?

I haven't danced there in ages.

Do you want full length?

Stockings?

There's different types,
is there?

Well, there's different types
for different types of girls.

It is for a girl?

Yeah, my wife.

Lucky lady.

Well, if she likes to dance,
as I do...

High enough?

Do you like what you see?

I'll say I do.

You're Squizzy Taylor.

Now I know we haven't
met. Friends call me Les.

Ida Pender.

I'm wearing the rayon,
if you were wondering.

Not silk?

When I'm famous,
I'll wear only silk.

You're gonna be famous, are ya?

Don't you like being famous?

People noticing you,
giving you respect?

There's a lot to like in that.

Mmm.

Gift-wrap two pairs
of what you're wearing.

And what would be
your best pair of silks?

Ooh, that'd be these.

Right, well, I'll pay for
one of those, as well.

Beautiful girl like you
can't wait until she's famous

before she gets
her first pair of silks.

Go on, try 'em on.
See how they look.

No, I'll save them
for a special occasion.

No, come on. It's a special
occasion now. I'm home.

Why not?

Dance with me.

No, come on, Lorna.
I'm not in the mood.

Come on, Les, please.

This alright?

Perfect.

Come on, Lorna.
I don't feel like it.

We haven't had a dance
in an age.

Please, Les.

Squizzy Taylor needs
a lesson in respect.

If that lesson proves lethal,
so be it.

And if in the teaching
of that lesson

any of you get into trouble,

me and Bunny always
look after our own.

Les, these are the gents
I was telling you about.

Mr Alex Johanson
and Mr Joseph Cotter,

men willing to work for you.

Get the man a chair.

It's good to meet ya.

Yeah. Call me Joe.

Fuck. Here. Keep it.

You've always got to carry
a handkerchief, mate.

Why do we need extra blokes?

Just trust me, Eddie.

Another vendetta against
the Narrows Gang, eh?

Should have finished them
last time, wiped 'em out.

If something comes up,
I'll let you know.

Hey, buy you a beer, Squizzy?

Les.

Les. Yeah, no, I meant Les.

I'm just used to calling you
Squizzy out there.

Oh, well, people out there
don't know me.

Yeah, well, good thing
I know you now then, eh, Les?

I'm not thirsty, Joe.

It's Les!

That Cotter's useless.

Johanson could be handy
if we need some extra muscle,

but that's it.

You started a war, Les.

We need to man up now.

Another thing. You've got to
stop drinking at this pub.

Mix things up so people
don't know where to find ya.

You want to deny me
the best beer in Melbourne?

Might as well put
a sign out the front

that says 'Squizzy Taylor
drinks fuckin' here.'

I'm getting you a piece, too.

We should have shot the Whitings
when we had the chance.

Hear, hear.

Oi, Taylor!

You wanna take me on? Huh?

Tell the Whitings
to go fuck themselves.

Did you find the couple
who gigged me?

It'll be that bloke
with the ukulele.

Yeah, well, put the wind up him.

Take a gander of this.

Jesus, Tank, I said scare him,
not kill him.

It's for you. I want you to
put it in your pocket and...

No, no, no, it's gonna ruin
the cut of me suit, Tank.

Oh, will you stop
your whingeing?

And stop daydreaming.
I'm off to Fitzroy.

Mr Taylor? Les?
Go away, Cotter.

I just wanted
a chance to apologise

and a shot at
fixing things up...

No,no, no... there's nothing to fix.
Alright, mate?

Les...
Just shut up and leave me alone.

Squizzy fuckin' Taylor.

Taylor, you clam!

Are you with them, huh?
No!

Well, stall 'em!
Stall 'em and we're square.

Mr Taylor, twice in a week.

Les.
Is someone chasing you?

The two ugliest blokes
in Melbourne.

Oh, take the back entrance.
Thank you, Miss Pender.

Have you seen a little bloke
run in here,

last couple of minutes?

Nasty little bugger.
No, I haven't seen a soul.

Sorry.

Ah, hello, hello.

Bunny, back off. I got a gun.

This gun, Squizzy?

Kill him, Ted!

You bloody gangsters
make me tired.

Three years for break and enter,
if you're lucky.

Happy days.

Happy, happy, happy days.

You get that off
that Fitzroy bloke?

How'd you guess?

He get the message?

He's forgotten there even was
a bank robbery.

And for my first lesson,
how to tune a ukulele.

Miss Pender.
Fancy seeing you here.

Sit down.
This is Albert McDonald.

Miss Ida Pender. Ida, Tank.

Would you mind
autographing my journal?

Hi, Eugene. Uh, this is
my lawyer, Eugene Gorman.

Miss Pender.
Charmed.

She looks after
all my stocking needs.

No, not anymore. I quit.

Life's too short
for stockings and socks.

Can you say "with all my love"?

Les, you are due to face
the magistrate

in less than 30 minutes.

Tell me about
this break and enter.

I did break into that warehouse

but I was hiding from
the Whiting brothers.

The two ugliest men
in Melbourne.

They were trying to kill me.

Brophy alleges the three of you
were in on it together.

Brophy's a liar, alright?

He knows that
we're sworn enemies.

Well, that's what you tell
the magistrate.

Right, so you want Les
to dog the Whitings

and accuse them of
attempted murder?

I just want him
to tell the truth.

I don't know, Eugene.

I mean, I think
I'd rather plead not guilty,

take my chance with a jury.

Well, we'd better go.

You can toss a coin on the way.

The law waits for no man,
not even Squizzy Taylor.

Here, come with me.

Come on!

I'm not in the mood for
the courthouse today.

Ah! What are you
in the mood for?

Oh, Les, it's so high.

See, that's St Kilda out there.

That's Richmond... here.

And Fitzroy...
Fitzroy's just around there.

So, why'd you bring me up here?

Or do you show all your girls
this view?

Oh, all of them.
Dozens of them. Hundreds.

I don't care how many.
'Cause I feel like the first.

You're mad.
You're mad, too.

Hey, what happens
if you don't go to court?

Will they arrest you?

Oh, well, they gotta
catch me first.

My watch must be slow.

Courts are just running
a bit late.

Hey, where's your pal?

Mr Leslie Taylor! Mr Taylor!

Mr Leslie Taylor!

I'm afraid he's gone missing.

Looks like the gloves are off.

- Mrs Taylor. Have you seen your hubby today?
- Excuse me! What are you doing?!

- He's not home. What are you doing?
- Constable, stir this place over.

He failed to front
for his court appearance

this morning, Mrs Taylor.

He is now an absconder.

He's on the run.
Well, he's not here!

What are you... He's not
gonna be hiding in there!

Tip it all out, Constable.

I want every nook
and cranny checked.

We're not just here
for your husband.

There could be stuff
hidden all over this dump.

There could be a pistol
taped up under the door.

Anything there? No.

What about in here? No.

Pull it apart, Constable.

Checked upstairs in the
kitchen. There's nothing there.

Alright, come on.

What's the next address?

Squizzy Taylor will be
hunted down like the dog he is.

Detective Bruce!

The Scales
Warehouse break and enter

was pretty straightforward.

Squizzy had wriggled out of
much more serious charges.

But, for whatever reason,

he turned his back
and walked away that day,

2 August 1921,

and effectively disappeared.

He would remain on the run
for the next 14 months.

Lorna, please.

What does it say?
He'll be home more often?

Well, loneliness is
the Taylor women's curse.

I just wish I knew where he
goes and what he actually does.

Well, you never ask.
It's not your place to ask.

The Taylor men have their ways.

Oh, now see here?

There's a crossroad.

A change of direction is coming.

A new baby perhaps?

Is he in the picture
or just me?

Of course he's there.
He's your husband.

You make sure he has
a meal and a warm bed

so he'll work hard
and look after you.

Trust the leaves, dear.

Me to you.

Oh! What's she doing here?

Well, we're not learning
how to play the ukulele, Tank.

- I'm sure you're lovely, Isa...
- Ida.

What are you doing here?

Ida has come up with
a cracker of an idea for a job.

Jesus.

Hey, why don't you, um, go
and get some tea or something?

Tank and I have to
have a quick chat.

Didn't want to share with me
your plan to do a bunk? Huh?

Makes me think
it wasn't your idea at all.

'Cause the old Les,...

he would plan everything
to the last detail,

and for the life of me, mate,
I cannot see your strategy.

It's love.

You're married!
You can't talk about love.

You are fucking everything

for a poor sheila that you
will be bored with in a week.

Oi! Don't you wanna
hear her idea?

OK, so does everyone
know what they're doing?

Right? Ida?

Watching.
Good.

Now, be careful, and let us know
if anything happens, alright?

Come here.

Make sure you shout out.

Yeah.

Shh! What the hell are you doing?

You want the whole of Melbourne
knowing we're here? Ya nit.

I told you.
I warned you about her.

What?
She can't read.

What, a Trojan?

Yeah, and I brought
tools for a Samson.

We'll just... we'll pull it out

and we'll try
to split the back.

There you go.
That's a great idea.

Come on, you've got 10 minutes.
Hurry up.

Fuck.

Ida, what the hell are you doing?

Who's out watching?
It's fine.

Do you like this?

This is a robbery,
not a shopping spree.

Come on, get back out
and keep watch.

Why don't you just blow it up?

Yeah, I'll just blow it up, Ida.

Stick a bit of jelly in it.

What, over here, huh?
Over there?

Shh, hey, hey, hang on.

Didn't you learn that stuff
at Fromelles, mate?

You know what?
That's a cracker idea.

Tomorrow, Tank, you're gonna
show us what you did at war.

- Can I hurry you, Tank?
- Alright.

- Right, so what do you need now?
- Space.

And you know what you're doing?

Yeah, but what if
someone sees me?

Well, that's the point.

Once you hear the thing explode,
fire your gun.

But what if they ask?

Just tell me you're shooting
possums or something, ya turnip.

He's a Swede, not a turnip.

I don't care.
Just blow the bloody thing up.

Okey-dokey, here we go.

Wild blue yonder.

What do you see in him?

Tank? Oh, he's me best mate.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
What did I drop...

I dropped it down there.
Hang on, let me fish it out.

Oh, don't you like him?
Hang on, it might have gone...

He's your friend.

If he doesn't like me, there's
not much I can do about it.

Well, I like ya. And look at that.

We got it.

You know what else I got?

You! How did you...
Oh, it's a secret.

You have to distract your mark.

Ah.
Yes.

Just...

What, is that it?

Oi, Tank, did you work in the
bloody kitchens in the war, huh?

Ha-ha-fuckin'-ha.
That's hopeless!

♪ Mademoiselle from Armentieres

♪ Parley voo

♪ Mademoiselle from Armentieres

♪ Parley voo

♪ Mademoiselle from Armentieres

♪ She hasn't been kissed
in 40 years

♪ Hinky dinky parley voo... ♪

Sing something else.

♪ Mademoiselle from Armentieres
Parley voo

♪ Mademoiselle
from Armentieres, parley voo

♪ You might forget
the gas and shower

♪ You never forget
the mademoiselle

♪ Hinky dinky parley... ♪

I said sing something else!

Actually, I've got a bit of
a headache. Sing something else.

Give me the fucking thing.
Give me it!

Don't sing songs about the war!

You weren't there! Men died!

None of youse were bloody there.

- I need a toilet.
- We can't stop here.

- Why not?
- Here. Just stop here.

Real firecracker
you got there, Squizzy.

First time I've heard a chick
say she needs to take a whiz.

Call me Les.

I had an idea.
Why don't we do another job?

There's oodles of
places around here.

Must be something
worth stealing.

You are a stupid slut.
Oi!

What?
You apologise to her.

No! What, you wanna hit me?

Come on, hit me, Squizzy!
Hit me!

I wouldn't hit ya, mate.
Squizzy!

Get him, Les. Rip his balls off!

Huh, you fuckin' big man?

Whoa, whoa!
Come on, settle down.

Oi, Ida, put the gun away.
Is this how you do it, Les?

Put it down. That's not funny.
Put it down.

Jesus! The jacks!

Yeah, that's why we asked you
to come, Joe. To apologise.

You just got in the way of
the man we were chasing.

Tough man, copping
the hiding that you did.

We're always looking
for tough blokes.

I hear you're looking for
a bit of work. That true?

Mmm? Been telling people
you're handy with a shooter?

You a reading man, Joe?

"Squizzy."

Every time we get close to him,
he seems to give us the slip.

Fair few quid in it

for the bloke who gives this
a happy ending for us, Joe.

Yeah, gents, I reckon
I'll do this one half price.

Could you spare a bob or two
to help fight the demon drink?

Excuse me... Les!
What are you doing?

How else can I walk the streets
without getting arrested?

No. You don't get to do this.

Do what, Lorna?
I didn't leave.

I've been busy at...
Oh, don't lie to me.

Alright, I owe you that.
You have a mistress.

I lost my head.
The baby, she was...

She was my baby, too!
I know, I know.

I've had police crawling
all over this house,

touching everything,
going through all our things.

I've been alone
while you were off...

I'm sorry. Lorna, I'm sorry.
Come here.

I'm sorry.

Please, please forgive me.

Just put it on Les's tab.

I don't think so, dear.

Ah!
What do you think you're doing?

Reading the paper.

Squizzy Taylor and
his mystery woman.

Common criminals, more like.

There's nothing common about
Les. Let go. You're hurting me.

I think you just picked
the wrong pocket, Miss...

Um, Pender.

The pleasure's all mine,
Miss Pender.

I'm not a pickpocket,
and I don't know why

you keep asking me
about Squizzy Taylor.

Because you called him Les.

I don't understand
why a nice girl like you

would know a scoundrel like that.

He's corrupting you.
Enjoy being in the paper, Ida?

I don't look like that.

We put it to you you were there

when Squizzy fired that gun
at the constable.

Wasn't Les that fired the gun.
Who fired the gun, then?

Was it you, Ida? Huh?

You'll get 10 years for this.

Who was it?

It was Tank.

Tank?

Albert McDonald.

He's a very intimidating fellow.

He is.

He wanted us to go back
and make sure

that we shot
the policeman properly.

Poor girl like you must have
been frightened for your life.

When he said,
"Dead men tell no tales,"

I thought any one of us
could have been next.

Joe.
Ted.

Bunny.
So.

I haven't done it yet, alright?

If you're not gonna kill him,
we want our money back.

And our gun.
No, look, I'm gonna do it.

It's just him being on the
run's making it a bit hard.

Bloody hell, the jacks
haven't even got him yet.

You said you were
the bloke for the job.

I am.

We're relying on you, Joe.

Yeah, I'll get it done
for ya, alright?

Look, if it helps any,

apart from shittin',
eatin' and breathin',

the two things a bloke needs
in this life

is to fuck and drink.

Now, you find out where he does
those and you've got him.

Look, he's a dead man, alright?

I can promise youse that.

It's too risky for her here.

Fred, she'll be fine.

When Taylor finds out
what she's done...

She's under lock and key.

Mark my words, he will
find a way to get to her.

She needs protection
until she testifies.

What are you gonna do?
Tuck her away in some hotel...

In a hotel somewhere?

What do we do about
his big mate in there?

We let him go, but we follow him.

There's a chance
he might lead us to Taylor.

What happened to you?
I was followed by the jacks.

You stink like a sheep.

I led 'em through the abattoir.

Listen, I was in lockup last night.

What?

You know Ida's in there.

Why?
She got arrested.

She gigged us, mate.
No.

I saw her talking to Piggott
with my own eyes.

The jacks, they know everything.

She dogged us, and now
they've hidden her somewhere.

And if she testifies,
you go down for life.

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