Under a Rock With Tig Notaro (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Glenn Howerton - full transcript
Pen Flower Bun, aka Glenn Howerton, sits down with Tig Notaro to get Philadelphia's weather report from Alexa. She still has no idea who he is.
- Can I ask you something?
- Absolutely.
- Do you not enjoy movies and TV shows?
This is a real question.
- Please welcome Tig Notaro.
- Hi, welcome to Under
A Rock With Tig Notaro.
I don't watch a lot of TV or movies,
so I'm pretty terrible at
recognizing a lot of celebrities,
and this is a talk show where
I interview celebrities,
trying to figure out who they are.
So, please welcome
this person.
- Hi!
- Hi.
- How're you?
- I'm good.
How are you? - Good.
Hi, Tig, I know who you are.
- Hi.
- That's kinda cool, right?
- It's pretty cool.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, thanks.
- You're just looking at me like
okay, here we go.
- Yeah, here we go.
I was gonna ask you...
- Yeah, please.
- Some questions.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hit me, hit me.
- If you were a super hero,
I'm assuming you're not,
but if you were, what would your power be?
- This is so cliche, but I mean,
to be able to fly would
be, would be great.
- I mean, I'm scared of flying,
so that would be a nightmare.
- The fear of flying is like,
oh it's the plane exploding,
but if the plane explodes
you're like, eh, pssh.
You just fly away.
- So, you think if the plane explodes,
I'm gonna make it out and be like,
well listen,
off I go?
- Well, I don't know that you'll have to
flap your wings or your hands.
I don't know that that's
why you don't fly.
- I would love it if that's
what your superhero was.
- Yeah, keep flapping his hands.
- Yeah, it's like, you're really cool,
but uh, there's a downside.
Are you a comedian?
You're not a standup? - No.
- You're a comedic actor.
- Are you asking me to
answer this question?
Like, do you want me to
answer this question?
- Yes.
- I have acted in comedy.
- Okay, so you're an actor.
- Yeah.
- Gotcha.
Were you known as funny as as kid?
- I mean, I think so.
- Were people like, this guy!
- I mean, I don't know,
it's very possible.
I definitely have a very strong memory
of a very cute girl
when I was in 3rd grade
being like,
you're weird.
And I actually remember
thinking in that moment,
I am weird, and I like it.
- You don't seem weird.
- Me?
- Yeah.
- Oh, dude, I'm so weird.
- Being weird is great.
- Yeah.
- I hate when people say you're weird.
- It's not a compliment!
- No, and it's a conversation stopper.
- Yeah, it is yes, yes it is.
- Yeah.
Because what do you,
when somebody's like, you're weird.
Gee, thanks.
- Yeah, that's not...
- Where do we go with this?
- Yeah.
- You're a big tweeter?
- I wouldn't say I'm a big
tweeter, but I do enjoy it.
- You tweet about smoothies?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like smoothies.
Yeah.
- Are you famous for your smoothie tweets?
- No, but I was tweeting
about smoothies recently,
and I got hit up a lot.
Like, people were like,
okay, let's get down to it.
Lemme find out what this guy's all about
when it comes to smoothies, 'cause I think
a lot of people are intrigued by
smoothies, and I think...
- Okay, you're weird.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. - You are weird.
What's your best, best smoothie?
- Honestly it would take too long
to list the number of ingredients.
It takes, my wife makes fun of me because,
'cause it takes me 20 to 25
minutes to make my smoothie.
- And do you, so, this is for health?
- Yeah, yeah.
- And do you feel
like you're in good shape and healthy?
- I mean, I don't feel that good.
I feel like I should feel better.
- Even after...
- Based on what I'm doing
in terms of, like, my
diet, I should feel better.
But I have this one friend in particular,
and I'm not gonna say who
she is 'cause it might
give away who I am. - Ooh.
- 'Cause I actually
think you know her.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Something makes me think,
I think you guys are friends, maybe.
- Is she gay?
- No.
- Oh, people always do that to me.
- No, no, no, no.
You know every gay person, right?
- Yeah, right?
- 'Cause you're gay.
- Who is she?
- Kaitlin Olson.
- I do know Kate!
She's from, no she's
from what is that show?
What is the show?
What is Katelyn Kaitlin Olson from?
Are you on her TV show?
- Yes.
- Yes, you are.
Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Why don't you give me
a clue about yourself?
- Oh, okay, this is my bit.
Okay, oh, this is random.
Okay, Alexa, what's the
whether in Philadelphia today?
- You'll see cold
weather and freezing rain,
and can expect a high of 37 degrees,
and a low of 34 degrees.
- Ah.
- Right on.
- You're on Sunny In Philadelphia.
It's Sunny In Philadelphia.
- I tried to make that...
- Lemme have your other clue.
- Did you see what I did though?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I tried to make it like,
oh, why would we even ask this?
I tried and, you know, you're too smart.
Alright, so... - Lemme see it.
- You wanna see it?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Pen Flower Bun.
- Is this your name?
- Well, it rhymes with my name.
- This rhymes with your name?
Like perfectly?
- Pretty damn close, yeah.
- Ken?
- Uh-uh.
Can I ask you something?
- Absolutely.
- Do you not enjoy movies and TV shows?
This is a real question.
- I know it's a real question!
As a kid I did.
I watched Good Times.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I watched All In The
Family, I watched Bewitched.
Our TV is on more than
ever now with babies,
and we watch Peppa Pig
and stuff like that.
- Yeah, yeah.
- So, I would know Peppa Pig.
- If Peppa Pig sat
here, you'd be like, oh.
- If a cartoon pig walked in.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- To this room.
What's up?
- I hope it's not offensive to you.
- I'm not the slightest bit offended.
No, nobody... - Okay.
- When somebody doesn't know who I am.
- I'm gonna go for the reveal.
- Okay, okay.
- Alexa, could I get a drum roll, please?
- Okay.
- He's a graduate of the
Julliard School of Drama.
Congrats. - Thank you.
- He and his friends
turned a $200 short film
into one of the most successful
and longest running sitcoms of all time,
It's always Sunny In Philadelphia.
He produces, writes, and
stars on the show as Dennis.
In 2016, the show won a
People's Choice Award,
and has even been adapted in Russia
as It's Always Sunny In Moscow.
- It's true!
- I'm a fool.
I'm a fool!
He also currently stars
alongside Patton Oswalt
in the NBC comedy, AP Bio.
It turns out my guest
today was Glenn Howerton.
- Yeah, yeah!
Pretty close, right?
That's pretty good.
- I'll always know you
as Pen Flower Bun.
- I prefer it.
- Absolutely.
- Do you not enjoy movies and TV shows?
This is a real question.
- Please welcome Tig Notaro.
- Hi, welcome to Under
A Rock With Tig Notaro.
I don't watch a lot of TV or movies,
so I'm pretty terrible at
recognizing a lot of celebrities,
and this is a talk show where
I interview celebrities,
trying to figure out who they are.
So, please welcome
this person.
- Hi!
- Hi.
- How're you?
- I'm good.
How are you? - Good.
Hi, Tig, I know who you are.
- Hi.
- That's kinda cool, right?
- It's pretty cool.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, thanks.
- You're just looking at me like
okay, here we go.
- Yeah, here we go.
I was gonna ask you...
- Yeah, please.
- Some questions.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hit me, hit me.
- If you were a super hero,
I'm assuming you're not,
but if you were, what would your power be?
- This is so cliche, but I mean,
to be able to fly would
be, would be great.
- I mean, I'm scared of flying,
so that would be a nightmare.
- The fear of flying is like,
oh it's the plane exploding,
but if the plane explodes
you're like, eh, pssh.
You just fly away.
- So, you think if the plane explodes,
I'm gonna make it out and be like,
well listen,
off I go?
- Well, I don't know that you'll have to
flap your wings or your hands.
I don't know that that's
why you don't fly.
- I would love it if that's
what your superhero was.
- Yeah, keep flapping his hands.
- Yeah, it's like, you're really cool,
but uh, there's a downside.
Are you a comedian?
You're not a standup? - No.
- You're a comedic actor.
- Are you asking me to
answer this question?
Like, do you want me to
answer this question?
- Yes.
- I have acted in comedy.
- Okay, so you're an actor.
- Yeah.
- Gotcha.
Were you known as funny as as kid?
- I mean, I think so.
- Were people like, this guy!
- I mean, I don't know,
it's very possible.
I definitely have a very strong memory
of a very cute girl
when I was in 3rd grade
being like,
you're weird.
And I actually remember
thinking in that moment,
I am weird, and I like it.
- You don't seem weird.
- Me?
- Yeah.
- Oh, dude, I'm so weird.
- Being weird is great.
- Yeah.
- I hate when people say you're weird.
- It's not a compliment!
- No, and it's a conversation stopper.
- Yeah, it is yes, yes it is.
- Yeah.
Because what do you,
when somebody's like, you're weird.
Gee, thanks.
- Yeah, that's not...
- Where do we go with this?
- Yeah.
- You're a big tweeter?
- I wouldn't say I'm a big
tweeter, but I do enjoy it.
- You tweet about smoothies?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like smoothies.
Yeah.
- Are you famous for your smoothie tweets?
- No, but I was tweeting
about smoothies recently,
and I got hit up a lot.
Like, people were like,
okay, let's get down to it.
Lemme find out what this guy's all about
when it comes to smoothies, 'cause I think
a lot of people are intrigued by
smoothies, and I think...
- Okay, you're weird.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. - You are weird.
What's your best, best smoothie?
- Honestly it would take too long
to list the number of ingredients.
It takes, my wife makes fun of me because,
'cause it takes me 20 to 25
minutes to make my smoothie.
- And do you, so, this is for health?
- Yeah, yeah.
- And do you feel
like you're in good shape and healthy?
- I mean, I don't feel that good.
I feel like I should feel better.
- Even after...
- Based on what I'm doing
in terms of, like, my
diet, I should feel better.
But I have this one friend in particular,
and I'm not gonna say who
she is 'cause it might
give away who I am. - Ooh.
- 'Cause I actually
think you know her.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Something makes me think,
I think you guys are friends, maybe.
- Is she gay?
- No.
- Oh, people always do that to me.
- No, no, no, no.
You know every gay person, right?
- Yeah, right?
- 'Cause you're gay.
- Who is she?
- Kaitlin Olson.
- I do know Kate!
She's from, no she's
from what is that show?
What is the show?
What is Katelyn Kaitlin Olson from?
Are you on her TV show?
- Yes.
- Yes, you are.
Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Why don't you give me
a clue about yourself?
- Oh, okay, this is my bit.
Okay, oh, this is random.
Okay, Alexa, what's the
whether in Philadelphia today?
- You'll see cold
weather and freezing rain,
and can expect a high of 37 degrees,
and a low of 34 degrees.
- Ah.
- Right on.
- You're on Sunny In Philadelphia.
It's Sunny In Philadelphia.
- I tried to make that...
- Lemme have your other clue.
- Did you see what I did though?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I tried to make it like,
oh, why would we even ask this?
I tried and, you know, you're too smart.
Alright, so... - Lemme see it.
- You wanna see it?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Pen Flower Bun.
- Is this your name?
- Well, it rhymes with my name.
- This rhymes with your name?
Like perfectly?
- Pretty damn close, yeah.
- Ken?
- Uh-uh.
Can I ask you something?
- Absolutely.
- Do you not enjoy movies and TV shows?
This is a real question.
- I know it's a real question!
As a kid I did.
I watched Good Times.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I watched All In The
Family, I watched Bewitched.
Our TV is on more than
ever now with babies,
and we watch Peppa Pig
and stuff like that.
- Yeah, yeah.
- So, I would know Peppa Pig.
- If Peppa Pig sat
here, you'd be like, oh.
- If a cartoon pig walked in.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- To this room.
What's up?
- I hope it's not offensive to you.
- I'm not the slightest bit offended.
No, nobody... - Okay.
- When somebody doesn't know who I am.
- I'm gonna go for the reveal.
- Okay, okay.
- Alexa, could I get a drum roll, please?
- Okay.
- He's a graduate of the
Julliard School of Drama.
Congrats. - Thank you.
- He and his friends
turned a $200 short film
into one of the most successful
and longest running sitcoms of all time,
It's always Sunny In Philadelphia.
He produces, writes, and
stars on the show as Dennis.
In 2016, the show won a
People's Choice Award,
and has even been adapted in Russia
as It's Always Sunny In Moscow.
- It's true!
- I'm a fool.
I'm a fool!
He also currently stars
alongside Patton Oswalt
in the NBC comedy, AP Bio.
It turns out my guest
today was Glenn Howerton.
- Yeah, yeah!
Pretty close, right?
That's pretty good.
- I'll always know you
as Pen Flower Bun.
- I prefer it.