Under a Rock With Tig Notaro (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Wolfgang Puck - full transcript
According to Tig Notaro, she hasn't wet her pants in decades. Same with Wolfgang Puck.
- Are you a chef?
You're an athlete.
Hi, welcome to Under A
Rock with Tig Notaro.
I'm Tig Notaro
and I don't watch many
TV shows or many movies
so my ability to recognize famous people
is pretty shotty at best.
On this talk show
I interview famous people
and try and figure out who they are.
Please welcome this person.
Hello. - Hello.
- Thanks for coming.
This is your seat.
I'm Tig.
Are you familiar with me at all?
- No.
- And I'm not familiar with you either,
this is perfect.
- A blind date.
- Yeah.
I'm going to
ask you some questions.
Where are you from?
- Guess, I'll give you three.
If you miss all three I'm leaving.
- I don't know.
I mean... - Okay.
- No, sit down.
Sit down. - Yes ma'am.
Just tell me.
- I come from the same country
as the biggest action star.
Terminator.
- Terminator, I do know him.
I was gonna call him Russel Schwarzenegger
but that's not his name.
Arnold.
Alexa, where is Arnold
Schwarzenegger from?
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
was born in Thal, Styria
Austria in 1947.
- Austria.
Austria.
I knew it.
Do you live in Los Angeles?
- Yeah.
- How long have you lived here?
- Since 1975.
- Oh okay, so I was four.
- Yeah you were in diapers
almost, I was here already.
- I was not in diapers at four.
- Oh okay good.
- I should've been because I wet my pants.
- Oh okay, I'm sorry.
- Who cares?
I wet my pants, I wet my bed.
Who cares?
- I think I wet my pants a few times too
when my step father took
out the stick and hit me.
- Why isn't everybody like aww on that?
- I hope they have plastic
on your seat here now.
- I haven't wet my pants in decades.
- In years okay.
- In decades.
- Okay, now I feel good.
- Were you ever in a talent show,
in your life like are you a performer?
- My wife says so but I
don't know if that counts.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Okay.
- What is your talent?
- Oh I have many talents.
- Tell me a few.
- You could call it performance yeah,
everybody is a performer.
- Do you work in entertainment?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- You?
- That's a good question.
- Okay.
- Because it depends on my audience.
There's definetly been groups
of people that are like
I would like a refund.
Who is your favorite
person you've worked with
in whatever you do?
And you can't say me, it's too soon.
- Yes, you're right.
- It's too soon to add me to the list.
- Sidney Poitier.
- You're an actor.
- No.
- Are you a director?
- No, not yet.
- Are you a writer?
- Yeah, I write too.
- Who are you?
You, oh, I-
this is a little fun fact about you
and it says you competed
in ski jumping as a kid.
- That's right.
- And so is that just skiing and jumping?
- Jumping yeah.
- And were you good when
you competed, did you...
- You know I wasn't good enough.
I'm too poor also when I started.
- It was hard to compete
because there wasn't enough cash to...
- Yeah you would have to
go away to training camps.
- And how much money do you have now?
- Let's see.
Look at that, $100
bills, a few of them wow.
- Let's go skiing.
- My wife was very generous this morning
she put it in my pocket.
Said "Okay have a good time."
- Does your wife really give you money?
- Yeah.
- Alexa would you add
have my wife give me cash
every morning to my to-do list?
- I put have my wife
give me cash every morning
on your to-do list.
- Thank you Alexa.
I would like you to give
me a clue about yourself.
Draw yourself at work.
Alexa could you give me a 20 second timer?
- 20 seconds starting now.
- Draw something?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Take your time.
- Now you're really gonna get confused.
- Time's up.
Oh ha, ha, ha.
This makes sense to everyone?
Okay.
So this is you at work. - Yeah.
- Is this a fish?
- It looks like a fish to me.
- Fish, boat.
Are you a chef?
You're an athlete.
What is this, is this a hockey puck.
- I don't know, you figure it out.
- So this makes sense to everybody
a fish and a hockey puck.
Do you cook?
- Yeah.
- Are you um
Chef Puck?
Wolfgang Puck?
Is that you?
- That's me.
I
I love your food
and your restaurants.
- Thank you.
- Oh my gosh.
And my step father loves you so much.
I'm gonna do the reveal.
You're the famed chef and owner of Spago
one of the most famous
restaurants in the world.
Spago has received two Michelin Stars.
That's a lot I guess?
- Yeah, out of three.
- Out of three?
- Yeah.
- All right that's pretty good.
- Yeah.
- For 25 years you famously catered
one of the most exclusive
parties of all time
The Governors Ball,
the official after party of the Oscars.
You've appeared in over a
hundred television shows
and movies and even won an Emmy.
In 2017 received a star on
the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
It turns out my guest today was I guessed
celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck.
- Thank you, all right.
- I am a fan of your
work I'll say that much.
- Thank you.
- Well thank you so much for coming.
- Thank you, thank you.
- That was fun.
You're an athlete.
Hi, welcome to Under A
Rock with Tig Notaro.
I'm Tig Notaro
and I don't watch many
TV shows or many movies
so my ability to recognize famous people
is pretty shotty at best.
On this talk show
I interview famous people
and try and figure out who they are.
Please welcome this person.
Hello. - Hello.
- Thanks for coming.
This is your seat.
I'm Tig.
Are you familiar with me at all?
- No.
- And I'm not familiar with you either,
this is perfect.
- A blind date.
- Yeah.
I'm going to
ask you some questions.
Where are you from?
- Guess, I'll give you three.
If you miss all three I'm leaving.
- I don't know.
I mean... - Okay.
- No, sit down.
Sit down. - Yes ma'am.
Just tell me.
- I come from the same country
as the biggest action star.
Terminator.
- Terminator, I do know him.
I was gonna call him Russel Schwarzenegger
but that's not his name.
Arnold.
Alexa, where is Arnold
Schwarzenegger from?
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
was born in Thal, Styria
Austria in 1947.
- Austria.
Austria.
I knew it.
Do you live in Los Angeles?
- Yeah.
- How long have you lived here?
- Since 1975.
- Oh okay, so I was four.
- Yeah you were in diapers
almost, I was here already.
- I was not in diapers at four.
- Oh okay good.
- I should've been because I wet my pants.
- Oh okay, I'm sorry.
- Who cares?
I wet my pants, I wet my bed.
Who cares?
- I think I wet my pants a few times too
when my step father took
out the stick and hit me.
- Why isn't everybody like aww on that?
- I hope they have plastic
on your seat here now.
- I haven't wet my pants in decades.
- In years okay.
- In decades.
- Okay, now I feel good.
- Were you ever in a talent show,
in your life like are you a performer?
- My wife says so but I
don't know if that counts.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Okay.
- What is your talent?
- Oh I have many talents.
- Tell me a few.
- You could call it performance yeah,
everybody is a performer.
- Do you work in entertainment?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- You?
- That's a good question.
- Okay.
- Because it depends on my audience.
There's definetly been groups
of people that are like
I would like a refund.
Who is your favorite
person you've worked with
in whatever you do?
And you can't say me, it's too soon.
- Yes, you're right.
- It's too soon to add me to the list.
- Sidney Poitier.
- You're an actor.
- No.
- Are you a director?
- No, not yet.
- Are you a writer?
- Yeah, I write too.
- Who are you?
You, oh, I-
this is a little fun fact about you
and it says you competed
in ski jumping as a kid.
- That's right.
- And so is that just skiing and jumping?
- Jumping yeah.
- And were you good when
you competed, did you...
- You know I wasn't good enough.
I'm too poor also when I started.
- It was hard to compete
because there wasn't enough cash to...
- Yeah you would have to
go away to training camps.
- And how much money do you have now?
- Let's see.
Look at that, $100
bills, a few of them wow.
- Let's go skiing.
- My wife was very generous this morning
she put it in my pocket.
Said "Okay have a good time."
- Does your wife really give you money?
- Yeah.
- Alexa would you add
have my wife give me cash
every morning to my to-do list?
- I put have my wife
give me cash every morning
on your to-do list.
- Thank you Alexa.
I would like you to give
me a clue about yourself.
Draw yourself at work.
Alexa could you give me a 20 second timer?
- 20 seconds starting now.
- Draw something?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Take your time.
- Now you're really gonna get confused.
- Time's up.
Oh ha, ha, ha.
This makes sense to everyone?
Okay.
So this is you at work. - Yeah.
- Is this a fish?
- It looks like a fish to me.
- Fish, boat.
Are you a chef?
You're an athlete.
What is this, is this a hockey puck.
- I don't know, you figure it out.
- So this makes sense to everybody
a fish and a hockey puck.
Do you cook?
- Yeah.
- Are you um
Chef Puck?
Wolfgang Puck?
Is that you?
- That's me.
I
I love your food
and your restaurants.
- Thank you.
- Oh my gosh.
And my step father loves you so much.
I'm gonna do the reveal.
You're the famed chef and owner of Spago
one of the most famous
restaurants in the world.
Spago has received two Michelin Stars.
That's a lot I guess?
- Yeah, out of three.
- Out of three?
- Yeah.
- All right that's pretty good.
- Yeah.
- For 25 years you famously catered
one of the most exclusive
parties of all time
The Governors Ball,
the official after party of the Oscars.
You've appeared in over a
hundred television shows
and movies and even won an Emmy.
In 2017 received a star on
the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
It turns out my guest today was I guessed
celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck.
- Thank you, all right.
- I am a fan of your
work I'll say that much.
- Thank you.
- Well thank you so much for coming.
- Thank you, thank you.
- That was fun.