Under a Rock With Tig Notaro (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Wyclef Jean - full transcript
Tig Notaro doesn't recognize Wyclef Jean but that doesn't stop him from teaching her how to dap (with a little help from Amazon's Alexa).
- In hip-hop when someone says a line
which we wish that we caught onto,
we say bars.
- Bars.
- You know what I'm saying?
If we was chillin' with
Shakespeare and he was like,
to be or not to be, we'd be like, bars.
- Bars.
- Please welcome Tig Notaro.
- Hi welcome to Under
a Rock with Tig Notaro.
I don't watch a lot of TV or movies,
so I have a really hard time
recognizing a lot of famous people.
This talk show is me
interviewing famous people
and trying to figure out who they are.
Please welcome
this person.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi I'm this person, how are you?
- I'm good.
- You good?
- How are you?
- I'm good.
- All right.
Thank you for being here.
- Thank you, I'm a little nervous.
- Are you?
- Yeah.
So back stage, there
was a woman from India,
and she gave me this.
She said wear this for good luck.
- Okay.
- So this is supposed to like,
like,
make me just completely...
- Well, now I feel nervous.
- Do you want my beads?
- Yes.
- I got you.
I'm telling you this
thing balances you out,
it qi's up.
- All right
- Yeah that's rock.
- It's not working.
- It's not?
- It's not working.
- It worked for me though.
- Do you want it back?
- Yeah, yeah I'll rock 'em.
- And what do the
bracelets on your hand do?
Anything in particular?
- Well these two are real
special I got them from a friend.
This I was just at the mall
and I was like this is cool.
- What mall do you shop at?
- I shop in Jersey,
Willowbrook Mall.
- That's crazy,
I lived in Texas for a bit as a kid
and, um,
the mall we went to was
called the Willowbrook Mall.
- Oh see,
can't even make that up I'm sure.
- And are you from New Jersey?
- Originally no.
- Okay, where are you originally from?
- Haiti.
- Haiti?
- Yeah, Haiti.
- Wow, okay.
- Yeah.
I was born in the slums.
- Were ya?
- Mm-hmm.
Its so funny, I always tell
my daughter that I grew up,
no electricity,
no clean water,
and I took a donkey to school.
- Rode one or just took one with you?
- Sometimes I rode it,
you know what I mean,
sometimes I took it.
We used to play a game in
this village in Haiti...
- Pin the tail.
- No not that one 'cause I was in Haiti
it was just different.
- Yeah.
- It was the game was
called, we going to America.
So I'd get on the donkey
and the kids would wave
and I'd go around the
cemetery and come back
and they'd be like what did
you bring us from America?
Yes,
that's how we escaped
that whole poverty thing.
- Wow that's...
- Through imagination, you know?
- And do you-
Are you happy to be here?
- I love it, I love it.
- I thought you said I love
you when you said I love it.
- Je t'aime.
- I don't know what you're saying.
- I just said I love you in French.
- I'm French but I don't speak French.
- That's okay but you
still French, je t'aime.
- Do you speak French?
- Oui, parlez-vous Francais?
- No.
- Where's your donkey now?
- Dead.
- On that,
I'm going to
ask you some questions.
Well first of all,
why did you come on this show?
I have to imagine it's a weird phone call.
- Not really.
- No, okay, so this is normal.
- No it's normal, it's quite amazing.
- What is amazing?
- To be with a person
- Uhuh
- who's just having a
conversation with you.
- That's right.
- You feel me?
- I do.
- Dap up.
- And so you just...
- Dap up, dap up, dap
when you say dap up its one.
One, one, dap up.
That's all, swag.
- Dap up.
- Yep, swag.
- Can I do it?
But sit back, like
you're not expecting it.
Dap up?
- Swag.
- And then you say swag after?
- Yeah you gotta throw swag.
- Okay.
- Have it come from the stomach though.
- Okay.
- Swag.
- Dap up?
Swag
- Facts.
- You're an interesting fellow.
If you didn't have the job you have now,
what would you be doing?
- I'd probably be an
incredible music teacher.
- Okay.
- And then as you can see
from the physicality,
if I needed to make money,
a stripper.
See I'm from the islands baby.
- So you would teach music or strip?
- I could actually do both.
- Are you a musician?
- Yes.
- Is that your, how you make your money?
- For sure.
- I feel like I might be on to you.
It sounds like a song
See I can just make shit
up, you see what I'm saying?
You feel me?
Dap up.
- This is telling me
you can do a handstand
and after everything you've done
I have no doubt you can do a handstand.
- Do I do a handstand here?
Is that okay?
You want me to do it?
- This is the only place.
- Okay let's do it right here.
You ready?
- That was a, that was really,
really incredible.
Especially reflecting again on you saying
you were at all nervous.
- I was!
This really helped me
- It seems like once
you're beyond your nerves,
- I told you that
- Anything can happen.
Alexa give me a round of applause
- Okay
- Do you have, I know
the guitar is a clue,
but do you have any other
clues about yourself here?
- So here's a poem that I did for you
just to give you a clue. Right, you ready?
- Yes
- Ready or not, here I come,
the fact that you don't know
me is killing me softly.
So, I'm just going to leave
and I'll be
gone to November, I'll
be gone to November.
- I knew it
Alexa drum roll please
- Okay
- I can't pretend like you're not
from the Fugees
This three time Grammy
Award winning artist
first made a splash on the
music scene as a member of
the most famous hip-hop groups
of all time, The Fugees.
- I knew it! I knew it!
I hope you have on camera
how many times I said
I was on to this guy. He then moved-
and I haven't been onto
a single guest so far,
but I haven't had any musicians.
He then moved onto a thriving solo career
and collaborated on hit records
with musical icons including
Santana, Shakira, Lil Wayne, Paul Simon,
Gloria Estefan and Destiny's Child.
This year he released a
new mix tape entitled,
Wyclef Goes Back to School.
Turns out my guest today, I'm
just going to call you Wyclef.
- Guess you got me
- I did
I got you
Alexa how do you say thank you in French?
- Thank you in
French is, Je vous remercie
- Merci beaucoup
- Merci
- Thank you
- What if Martin Luther
stepped in the room.
Never stepped foot in the balcony?
What if they had a bullet proof car
instead of a drop top for Kennedy?
Malcolm X did this speech
what if I sat amongst the congregation
so when them boys scream, "Get
your hands out my pocket",
I fire shots at the assassins?
Now I know you don't know me but
peep this ain't nothin new under the sun.
What if I had put blanks in
Marvin Gayes father's gun?
- Bars
- Facts
which we wish that we caught onto,
we say bars.
- Bars.
- You know what I'm saying?
If we was chillin' with
Shakespeare and he was like,
to be or not to be, we'd be like, bars.
- Bars.
- Please welcome Tig Notaro.
- Hi welcome to Under
a Rock with Tig Notaro.
I don't watch a lot of TV or movies,
so I have a really hard time
recognizing a lot of famous people.
This talk show is me
interviewing famous people
and trying to figure out who they are.
Please welcome
this person.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi I'm this person, how are you?
- I'm good.
- You good?
- How are you?
- I'm good.
- All right.
Thank you for being here.
- Thank you, I'm a little nervous.
- Are you?
- Yeah.
So back stage, there
was a woman from India,
and she gave me this.
She said wear this for good luck.
- Okay.
- So this is supposed to like,
like,
make me just completely...
- Well, now I feel nervous.
- Do you want my beads?
- Yes.
- I got you.
I'm telling you this
thing balances you out,
it qi's up.
- All right
- Yeah that's rock.
- It's not working.
- It's not?
- It's not working.
- It worked for me though.
- Do you want it back?
- Yeah, yeah I'll rock 'em.
- And what do the
bracelets on your hand do?
Anything in particular?
- Well these two are real
special I got them from a friend.
This I was just at the mall
and I was like this is cool.
- What mall do you shop at?
- I shop in Jersey,
Willowbrook Mall.
- That's crazy,
I lived in Texas for a bit as a kid
and, um,
the mall we went to was
called the Willowbrook Mall.
- Oh see,
can't even make that up I'm sure.
- And are you from New Jersey?
- Originally no.
- Okay, where are you originally from?
- Haiti.
- Haiti?
- Yeah, Haiti.
- Wow, okay.
- Yeah.
I was born in the slums.
- Were ya?
- Mm-hmm.
Its so funny, I always tell
my daughter that I grew up,
no electricity,
no clean water,
and I took a donkey to school.
- Rode one or just took one with you?
- Sometimes I rode it,
you know what I mean,
sometimes I took it.
We used to play a game in
this village in Haiti...
- Pin the tail.
- No not that one 'cause I was in Haiti
it was just different.
- Yeah.
- It was the game was
called, we going to America.
So I'd get on the donkey
and the kids would wave
and I'd go around the
cemetery and come back
and they'd be like what did
you bring us from America?
Yes,
that's how we escaped
that whole poverty thing.
- Wow that's...
- Through imagination, you know?
- And do you-
Are you happy to be here?
- I love it, I love it.
- I thought you said I love
you when you said I love it.
- Je t'aime.
- I don't know what you're saying.
- I just said I love you in French.
- I'm French but I don't speak French.
- That's okay but you
still French, je t'aime.
- Do you speak French?
- Oui, parlez-vous Francais?
- No.
- Where's your donkey now?
- Dead.
- On that,
I'm going to
ask you some questions.
Well first of all,
why did you come on this show?
I have to imagine it's a weird phone call.
- Not really.
- No, okay, so this is normal.
- No it's normal, it's quite amazing.
- What is amazing?
- To be with a person
- Uhuh
- who's just having a
conversation with you.
- That's right.
- You feel me?
- I do.
- Dap up.
- And so you just...
- Dap up, dap up, dap
when you say dap up its one.
One, one, dap up.
That's all, swag.
- Dap up.
- Yep, swag.
- Can I do it?
But sit back, like
you're not expecting it.
Dap up?
- Swag.
- And then you say swag after?
- Yeah you gotta throw swag.
- Okay.
- Have it come from the stomach though.
- Okay.
- Swag.
- Dap up?
Swag
- Facts.
- You're an interesting fellow.
If you didn't have the job you have now,
what would you be doing?
- I'd probably be an
incredible music teacher.
- Okay.
- And then as you can see
from the physicality,
if I needed to make money,
a stripper.
See I'm from the islands baby.
- So you would teach music or strip?
- I could actually do both.
- Are you a musician?
- Yes.
- Is that your, how you make your money?
- For sure.
- I feel like I might be on to you.
It sounds like a song
See I can just make shit
up, you see what I'm saying?
You feel me?
Dap up.
- This is telling me
you can do a handstand
and after everything you've done
I have no doubt you can do a handstand.
- Do I do a handstand here?
Is that okay?
You want me to do it?
- This is the only place.
- Okay let's do it right here.
You ready?
- That was a, that was really,
really incredible.
Especially reflecting again on you saying
you were at all nervous.
- I was!
This really helped me
- It seems like once
you're beyond your nerves,
- I told you that
- Anything can happen.
Alexa give me a round of applause
- Okay
- Do you have, I know
the guitar is a clue,
but do you have any other
clues about yourself here?
- So here's a poem that I did for you
just to give you a clue. Right, you ready?
- Yes
- Ready or not, here I come,
the fact that you don't know
me is killing me softly.
So, I'm just going to leave
and I'll be
gone to November, I'll
be gone to November.
- I knew it
Alexa drum roll please
- Okay
- I can't pretend like you're not
from the Fugees
This three time Grammy
Award winning artist
first made a splash on the
music scene as a member of
the most famous hip-hop groups
of all time, The Fugees.
- I knew it! I knew it!
I hope you have on camera
how many times I said
I was on to this guy. He then moved-
and I haven't been onto
a single guest so far,
but I haven't had any musicians.
He then moved onto a thriving solo career
and collaborated on hit records
with musical icons including
Santana, Shakira, Lil Wayne, Paul Simon,
Gloria Estefan and Destiny's Child.
This year he released a
new mix tape entitled,
Wyclef Goes Back to School.
Turns out my guest today, I'm
just going to call you Wyclef.
- Guess you got me
- I did
I got you
Alexa how do you say thank you in French?
- Thank you in
French is, Je vous remercie
- Merci beaucoup
- Merci
- Thank you
- What if Martin Luther
stepped in the room.
Never stepped foot in the balcony?
What if they had a bullet proof car
instead of a drop top for Kennedy?
Malcolm X did this speech
what if I sat amongst the congregation
so when them boys scream, "Get
your hands out my pocket",
I fire shots at the assassins?
Now I know you don't know me but
peep this ain't nothin new under the sun.
What if I had put blanks in
Marvin Gayes father's gun?
- Bars
- Facts