Under a Rock With Tig Notaro (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Julie Bowen - full transcript
Tig Notaro doesn't know who Julie Bowen is. As it turns out, they could be related.
- My trophy case is full
'cause I'm such a good mom.
- A good mom.
Do you have a podcast?
- Please welcome Tig Notaro.
- Hi welcome to Under
A Rock with Tig Notaro.
I don't watch a lot of TV or film
so I have a hard time
recognizing famous people
and on this show I interview famous people
to try and figure out who they are.
So please welcome
this person.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You're Tig. - I am.
- Yeah, hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Thanks for being here.
- Yeah, you're excited aren't you?
- I am.
- You've no idea.
I love it.
- I do too, I appreciate you being here.
- Uh-huh,
- Um, I uh
- Me.
- What's that?
- Me.
- You.
- You.
- Us together.
- Just being here.
- Yeah?
- Uh-huh.
- Why would you do a show like this?
- I'm a fan of yours.
- Thank you.
- I like you,
even if you don't know who I am
I like you.
- I like you too.
- You don't know who I am.
- Now here's a fun fact about you.
- Uh-huh.
- Your great-great-great grandfather
was the mayor of Pittsburgh.
- That is correct.
- Do you know my great-great grandfather
was the mayor of New Orleans.
- So we're practically related.
- Practically.
Are you from Pittsburgh.
- No.
- You've had a pacemaker
since your early 20s.
I know exactly who you are.
- I am.
- This doesn't tell me anything.
Why do you have a pacemaker?
- I don't really know.
- Really?
- Yeah.
No I just had some weird
heart thing and they fixed it.
Do you wanna feel it?
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Well 'cause I had a double mastectomy
and this side of my chest
goes like really goes in.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
okay so you see mine is right
there it's not, feel that?
- Yeah.
- Make the face, make the face.
- Yeah it's like having
a match box in there.
- Do you wanna feel?
- Yeah, I mean why not?
Oh that's not bad.
- Well that's not bad either.
This isn't a competition.
- Okay.
I mean we're both dying.
- We both have suffered.
- Have you?
- No.
- Oh.
- Really no, I mean...
- I feel like you're an actor-ess,
actress.
I have little props in here.
- Let's see what you've got.
- I have this.
- Were you doing some algebra?
- Well I was gonna see if you could draw
a picture of what you do at your job.
Alexa can you give us a 30 second timer.
- 30 seconds starting now.
- I'm gonna try.
I'm not a very good artist,
are you a good artist?
- I mean
my mother was an artist,
my grandmother was an artist.
- But you were not?
- Well no I also but I don't wanna...
- Toot your own horn.
- Right.
- I don't have any artist in my family.
I think you're really
gonna get it right here.
- I'm sorry but your time is up.
Alexa stop.
You sit on a couch.
- People recognize me on a couch.
- Wait are you a talk show host?
- No.
- So people recognize you from a couch.
- Ah.
- Are you a YouTube star?
- No.
- Okay.
Here's what I wanna ask you.
I wanna ask for some clues
that you can give me.
- Okay.
- Let's see, you have
a little bucket there?
This is supposed to help me?
- Technically.
- Did you bring this from home?
- I sure did not,
but it does reference my name.
It is... - Bow?
- Correct.
- Your name is Bow.
Okay so this is your bow.
- Bow is part of the name.
- Bow.
- It's one of the syllables.
- That's it?
- What do you usually shoot with?
- Arrow.
- Right but then what's the phrase?
- Bowen.
Bowen, that's your name?
Bowen?
- What's special about the bow?
Look at it, look at it Tig.
What's on it?
What makes it special? - Jewels.
- Jewels.
- Bowen Jules.
Your name is Bowen Jules.
- Almost.
Swap them around.
- Jelen Bows.
- Julen Bows.
That's got to be it.
- I figured out your name.
- What is that?
- Jules Bowen.
- So I mean almost.
Can I tell her?
- No, no.
- You're so close
I mean it's like you're right there.
- Okay do you have another clue?
Mm, I can't wait.
- My trophy case is full
'cause I'm such a good mom.
- A good mom.
Do you have a podcast?
I'm picturing you on a couch
like hi it's Jules Bowen
welcome to mom talk.
I...
Jules Bowen I feel like
you're not Jules Bowen
and I give up.
I'm gonna go ahead and open the reveal.
- Okay.
- Alexa could I get a drum roll please?
- Okay.
She's won four SAG Awards.
That's amazing.
Two Emmy's
and a Critics' Choice Award
for her starring role as Claire Dunphy.
- They should make every
big headed actor sit here
and just go like
is it Dunfree how you say it?
- Is it Dunfree?
- Dunphy, Dunphy, yeah Dunphy yeah Dunphy.
- On ABC's (laughs) longest
running comedy series.
I'm so sorry.
Modern Family
which also happens to be
Michelle Obama's favorite show.
- Yeah.
- Huge accomplishment.
Modern Family has received 22 Emmy's
and will soon return for
its 11th and final season.
Turns out my guest today
was Julie Bowen.
Thanks for being here Julie Bowen.
- I'm going by Jules now.
'cause I'm such a good mom.
- A good mom.
Do you have a podcast?
- Please welcome Tig Notaro.
- Hi welcome to Under
A Rock with Tig Notaro.
I don't watch a lot of TV or film
so I have a hard time
recognizing famous people
and on this show I interview famous people
to try and figure out who they are.
So please welcome
this person.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You're Tig. - I am.
- Yeah, hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Thanks for being here.
- Yeah, you're excited aren't you?
- I am.
- You've no idea.
I love it.
- I do too, I appreciate you being here.
- Uh-huh,
- Um, I uh
- Me.
- What's that?
- Me.
- You.
- You.
- Us together.
- Just being here.
- Yeah?
- Uh-huh.
- Why would you do a show like this?
- I'm a fan of yours.
- Thank you.
- I like you,
even if you don't know who I am
I like you.
- I like you too.
- You don't know who I am.
- Now here's a fun fact about you.
- Uh-huh.
- Your great-great-great grandfather
was the mayor of Pittsburgh.
- That is correct.
- Do you know my great-great grandfather
was the mayor of New Orleans.
- So we're practically related.
- Practically.
Are you from Pittsburgh.
- No.
- You've had a pacemaker
since your early 20s.
I know exactly who you are.
- I am.
- This doesn't tell me anything.
Why do you have a pacemaker?
- I don't really know.
- Really?
- Yeah.
No I just had some weird
heart thing and they fixed it.
Do you wanna feel it?
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Well 'cause I had a double mastectomy
and this side of my chest
goes like really goes in.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
okay so you see mine is right
there it's not, feel that?
- Yeah.
- Make the face, make the face.
- Yeah it's like having
a match box in there.
- Do you wanna feel?
- Yeah, I mean why not?
Oh that's not bad.
- Well that's not bad either.
This isn't a competition.
- Okay.
I mean we're both dying.
- We both have suffered.
- Have you?
- No.
- Oh.
- Really no, I mean...
- I feel like you're an actor-ess,
actress.
I have little props in here.
- Let's see what you've got.
- I have this.
- Were you doing some algebra?
- Well I was gonna see if you could draw
a picture of what you do at your job.
Alexa can you give us a 30 second timer.
- 30 seconds starting now.
- I'm gonna try.
I'm not a very good artist,
are you a good artist?
- I mean
my mother was an artist,
my grandmother was an artist.
- But you were not?
- Well no I also but I don't wanna...
- Toot your own horn.
- Right.
- I don't have any artist in my family.
I think you're really
gonna get it right here.
- I'm sorry but your time is up.
Alexa stop.
You sit on a couch.
- People recognize me on a couch.
- Wait are you a talk show host?
- No.
- So people recognize you from a couch.
- Ah.
- Are you a YouTube star?
- No.
- Okay.
Here's what I wanna ask you.
I wanna ask for some clues
that you can give me.
- Okay.
- Let's see, you have
a little bucket there?
This is supposed to help me?
- Technically.
- Did you bring this from home?
- I sure did not,
but it does reference my name.
It is... - Bow?
- Correct.
- Your name is Bow.
Okay so this is your bow.
- Bow is part of the name.
- Bow.
- It's one of the syllables.
- That's it?
- What do you usually shoot with?
- Arrow.
- Right but then what's the phrase?
- Bowen.
Bowen, that's your name?
Bowen?
- What's special about the bow?
Look at it, look at it Tig.
What's on it?
What makes it special? - Jewels.
- Jewels.
- Bowen Jules.
Your name is Bowen Jules.
- Almost.
Swap them around.
- Jelen Bows.
- Julen Bows.
That's got to be it.
- I figured out your name.
- What is that?
- Jules Bowen.
- So I mean almost.
Can I tell her?
- No, no.
- You're so close
I mean it's like you're right there.
- Okay do you have another clue?
Mm, I can't wait.
- My trophy case is full
'cause I'm such a good mom.
- A good mom.
Do you have a podcast?
I'm picturing you on a couch
like hi it's Jules Bowen
welcome to mom talk.
I...
Jules Bowen I feel like
you're not Jules Bowen
and I give up.
I'm gonna go ahead and open the reveal.
- Okay.
- Alexa could I get a drum roll please?
- Okay.
She's won four SAG Awards.
That's amazing.
Two Emmy's
and a Critics' Choice Award
for her starring role as Claire Dunphy.
- They should make every
big headed actor sit here
and just go like
is it Dunfree how you say it?
- Is it Dunfree?
- Dunphy, Dunphy, yeah Dunphy yeah Dunphy.
- On ABC's (laughs) longest
running comedy series.
I'm so sorry.
Modern Family
which also happens to be
Michelle Obama's favorite show.
- Yeah.
- Huge accomplishment.
Modern Family has received 22 Emmy's
and will soon return for
its 11th and final season.
Turns out my guest today
was Julie Bowen.
Thanks for being here Julie Bowen.
- I'm going by Jules now.