Umbre (2014–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript

When Teddy accompanies Relu to take care of "business" again, Capitanu' is pleased with the results: Teddy has shown he can handle it. A very important meeting takes place between Mr. Toma and Capitanu'; they are organizing a major operation. Relu must recover money from a doctor and he visits him, but things get complicated and Nico is not happy with the result. Teddy and Magda seem to like each other, although Relu doesn't approve of the situation; he forbids Teddy to see her again. Gina finds a box full of jewelry by accident and a major scandal is triggered in the Oncescu family. At the last minute Mr. Puiu comes in and saves the day.

What you see here...
one day this guy will own it all.

This lot?

Bucharest, man.

So you knocked Ieremia's lights out?

Did he get a punch in?

For real?

That's my boy!

So he's got balls after all.

I've always thought he took after
my wife's side.

All fancy-schmancy people...

Bearded ladies, sensitive sallies.

Go figure, he's got balls.

I owe you one.

- Come on, boss...
- No, no, no.

Here I was, thinking he's
batting for the other team.

-If you know what I mean.
-That he takes it up...

Everyone would crap all over me... hear the Captain's son
was a little fairy!

- Who'd respect me then?
- That's true!

There they are!
The Constanþa crew at last!

And only an hour late.

Say, did you hear any talk
around the restaurant, at Nico's?

About me planning a move?

If it's not for me to hear,
I close my ears.

Good lad, OK.

I wanna get in bed with these guys.

They cover the business side,
I'm gonna get the ball rolling here...

...steer traffic their way.

Sounds cool.

Sure it does,
'else I wouldn't touch it.

It's only the moth-eaten ancient Toma
who rubs me up the wrong way.

Keeps issuing demands.

Like, out with the old,
in with the suit and tie

...and the laptop at the ready.
Fucking bozo.

You'd think he was born
in the stock market!

But boss, after all, you did
want a go at the 2000s.

Say you wanna get a new pair of pants,

you wanna dump
the ones you've got on?

And then wander round butt-naked
'til the new ones arrive?

Relu, whatever we do from now on,
we do quietly...

Cheers! Did you find the place OK?

That's why you dragged me
so far up here, for a warm Coke?

We gotta be extra safe,
the world's crawling with snoopers now.

If you keep the trash inside,
you'll never be rid of the roaches.


Episode 3

...Some show on TV -
with a lioness and her cubs.

The lioness was biting off
chunks of a goat...

...feeding it piece by piece
to her cubs. Like a person.

And... I got...
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't swallow.

Like my flesh was crawling on my bones.

-Did you pass out?
-No, but it was like being drunk.

- Were you scared?
- Of what?

The lioness.

Why would the lioness scare me?
She was on the tv.

But all that blood... that raw meat...
and those cubs...

I mean, they were lion cubs,
but they just looked like big old cats.

You had a panic attack.

I'd get them too, if I got wind
of a malpractice suit.

I'd be shitting bricks.

Then I'd pop a Xanax, grease a palm...

...and it all sorted itself out.
It won't kill you.

I can give you a shot to calm you down,
it takes the edge off in no time.

Look... what we've got here...

It's 35 lei a vial.

I've also got some premium stuff.
Goes for 100, under the counter.

Only you need a prescription
from the nuthouse to get it.

- No, no way.
- I thought so.

So, I'll give you a shot of this...

...and we'll settle up after.

I was gonna ask to borrow
some cash anyway.

How about we sort out
our business first, huh, doc?

What the hell, Relster, man?!
We go back ages, don't we?

I've been fixing your teeth for years..

You've saved my hide
more times than I can count...

We'll sort out our affairs, no worries,
this sorts you out now.


I can give you a few measly pills
in stead, but...

- Go on, put your head down!
- But, doc...

...don't these painkillers
usually go in the ass?

Yeah, but I'm doing a place
where it kicks in faster.

All done!

You'll see, it's instant,
like a massage.

Very smooth.
Only without the happy-ending.

So doc, you owe 4,000.

I owed 4,000 two days ago.
Now it's 8 grand and a half.

That's life,
gambling ain't an exact science.

Go on Relster, give me a few more days,
and I'll get it to you.

Relu? Look here!

I gave you a strong dose
of a neat little helper.

There aren't any side effects...

But if by this time tomorrow,
you still can't move... an ambulance.

Someone can come pick you up now,

Relu?... Relster?...

F-f-four... F-f-fo...

I'm sorry Relster.
I swear I'll make it up to you.

Two-three days, tops!

Watch it, mister!
What the hell?!

- I've...
- You've what? Gone blind?!

Look what you did!
Drenched the hospital in piss!

Suppose you'll help me mop it up!
The place's crawling with you airheads!

So you wanna fuck my wife,

Go on, scram! Shame on you!
You bastard!

...instantly results
in regrettable divorce...

...the existential kind,
not the one granted by law.

A legal divorce is but a consequence
stemming from a cause.

The cause of a legal divorce is
divorcing God as our parent.

See? They eat sour grapes,
dissociating themselves from God...

It eats away at children's teeth,
who sever ties with their own parents.

And the Church is in the middle...
The Church is there to...

Let's pick this up later, Codrin!

What's up, lad?
Get in a fight?

Pops, I got tricked yesterday,
like a right greenhorn.

Now I gotta cough up
8 and a half grand.

Relu, y'know I don't stick my nose in.

-But lately it's been going south.
-You think I don't know that?

What am I to you, a loser?

Staying up to call the hospital,
the morgue... find you, dead, alive, whichever.

And you couldn't care less,
can't even be bothered to text...

You're a loser and a half if you think
I had a say in the matter!

-Say what now?!
-So you think I did what all night?

Hung loose with the lads?!
That's why I didn't call?!

You weren't home is what you did!

Puiu's my witness - pull this crap
one more night and I'm done!

-I'm gonna take the kids and go!
-Speak up, they can't hear you in space!

- Mind your business, pops!
- I'm your witness, ain't I?

I was in a car accident.

That's why I didn't come home,
why I didn't call.

Or is this special effects, do ya reckon?

And that on the car, it just looks
like a dent, huh? Go look for yourself!

You're never here all day and all night!

A pipe burst in the washer,
flooded the house...

...I slapped duct tape on it myself
to stop the leak.

The kids ask about you
and I shrug like a halfwit.

Night after night I watch TV with Puiu,
of all things!

- And I'm what, shit on a stick?
- No, pops, stop meddling!

Me, meddling?!

- Will you drop me off at the bus?
- Hello!

-I'll give them a ride to school.

- Where's li'l Magda?
- Just Magda!

- Teddy's taking me.
- Who?

What are you doing here?

Couldn't well have him
wait for you out in the cold!

-Why is he in my house?
-I came to... Dispatch sent me.

They couldn't reach you
on the radio last night...

He came to get you!

- Get my goat, more like!
- No, get you to work.

Stop scaring the poor kid,
can't you see he's shaking?

I'm not scared, just cold.

- He should be scared!
- I'm cold, not scared.

Get in the car, you!

If you ever come
near li'l Magda again...

Magda. The "little" cramps her style.

If you set foot here again,
I'll tie your balls in a bow!

I got tested for HIV
and syphilis last week.

Just so you don't worry about that.

I'll slit you like a Chinese eyeball
and drop you in the river. Got it?

Bye! I'll be by soon
with Bridget Jones's Diary!


Guys, how'bout a game of Remi tonight,
like we used to?

We'll order some pizza.
Or Chinese, to spite your mom!

Huh? Magda?


-I've got swimming practice tonight.
-Want me to come cheer you on?

No, I want you to pick me up.
It lets out at 4.

Come again? He wasn't at the clinic?
Did you look for him?

I doubt he was hiding under a table,
giving me the slip.

Might've been in the can,
a coffee run... I don't know.

He wasn't out,
he wasn't there at all!

Go ahead and check
if you don't believe me!

I did check, beforehand. I knew he'd
be there. That's why I sent you.

Tough luck, he wasn't.

-What's this? Who're you calling?
-The doc.

He's got another think coming
if he thinks he can outsmart me.

Call him, sure. He'll feed you
a bunch of bullshit or disappear.

Better yet, let me go over
to his home.

Which house? He gambled it all away.
He's got nothing!

No house, no car,
not even his kid's bike!

It's why his wife left, ain't it?!

So what's left to take?
The skin off his back?

You bleeding-heart boys
are such a turn-on!

Gheorghe Marin...

Hello. My husband's lost his card
and I'd like to have it canceled.

Yap. Marin Gheorghe...

Maybe we'll get lucky this time.

Hello, ma'am. My husband lost his card,
so I'd like to block it.

Yes... 1531128811242.

That's right, yes.

Could you tell me where it was used?

Yes, might be an older payment
we made.

Game Space?

My son must've taken it
to play there!

No, no, don't block it. Thank you!

This time we both heard
where he's at, Relu.

Yeah, I'll flush him out. Don't worry.

Sabin's going with you.

I shudder to think of the gossip,
if the neighbors hear us!

Sorry, what?


The problem is that it's ancient,
all the seals are rusty.

Not even changing them,
and the hose as well... doesn't have much use left.

Do you have an 18-millimetre wrench?

Do you have one? An 18-mill?

What does it look like?

A bit bigger than this 16-mill...
and smaller than this 20-mill.

Let me check my husband's tools,
in the closet.

What's up, Pops?

Did you find it?

Just give me a minute please.

Jesus, a classy joint!
Can't complain.

I figured, if we get bored,
we can try the ice rink... or a movie.

If we get bored?

If I turn out to be too dumb
and boring, is what you mean... least you got to see a movie.

You'd make sure I'm busy
gorging on popcorn.

Then you lose my number
and you're off the hook, huh?

Something like that.

We'd at least make out a bit
during the movie?

-Maybe. Just a bit.
-'Cause you're a gentleman at heart.

No, but I'd probably pick a movie I like
so I'd be more focused on it.

Rather than on the monkey
next to you!

No, you're OK.
I'm just a movie buff, so...

-OK, am I?
-Yes. More than OK!

- Do you want a soda? A falafel?
- Soda? Are you sure?

Don't you think that's a bit forward?


I actually meant to wait half an hour
then get you in the can for a quickie.

There is that, I guess...

I even showered, for nothing.
I usually like to go au naturel.

I'll check the slot machines upstairs.
You stay here, watch the exits!

- Call me if you see him.
- Sure, man.

Call me, are we clear?

Yes, Relster, crystal.
How thick do you think I am?

- Can you ask me something?
- Yes.

You're asking if you can ask,
or do ya wanna ask me something?

I've got this friend whose boyfriend
was in your class...

...and he says your dad's a...

Woman? Dwarf? Alien?

A mobster.


Just this morning, over cereal,
he put a ninja sword through two guys.

Blood everywhere,
big bits of brain in my milk...

-Tastes like aspic!
-You're off your rocker.

So what's up with you
working with my dad?

A classy guy like you,
driving a cab?!

There's a name for this, you know?
The Electra Complex.

Meaning I'm a busybody?

Do you know Jung?

He was a great psychiatrist,
the founder of psychoanalysis.

- So he postulated...
- He what?

He said that mother and child are
locked in a psychosexual competition... lay claim to the dad.

Gross! And not true -
they're both thorns in my side.

And if you carry this complex around
during your psychosexual development...'ll end up with a fixation
on your dad...

...shown by your sexual mate's likeness
to your dad, be it real or desired.

In our case, you want him
to be a cabbie, like your dad.

This Jung guy's theory
doesn't apply to our case.

So you're contradicting Jung?

First of all, dad's a wimp and no way
would I have you be like him!

Secondly, you're not my sexual mate.

Think on that while I go to the can.

Guv' Teddy!

Sorry for barging in,
you do seem quite busy.

Can we have a chat?
Won't take a second.

You're quite the skirt-chaser,

My kid this morning.
Another in the afternoon.

Tonight you'll go for thirds, huh?

-Like a self-respecting man about town.
-Mister Relu...

Let's not interrupt each other.
It's not nice.

Just a thought. Agreed?
Let's be civil.

Look here. Since you wanna check in
and report back to your dad...

...this scumbag's in here somewhere.

If the girl doesn't tire you out,
maybe you can look around for him.

- If you spot him, call me.
- OK.

One other thing.

As for our chat this morning
about little... about Magda.

Did you reconsider?

Take a guess!

No! No, no, no!

I got my dick wet just now,
right here in the can!


What's less super is that
you're 8.5 grand in the hole.

Boss, like I told Relu the other day...

If I get lucky, all I need is 2-3 days,
and get a load of this...

- When was this?
- Yesterday. At my office.

Doc, sure you're not
talking out of your ass?

You can ask Relu.

He came by my office,
we shot the bull for half an hour...

...and he said he'd give me
2 or 3 more days.

Relu said that?

- Yes! Why don't you just ask him?
- I did.

- So?
- He said you weren't even there.

- What?!
- You gave us the slip.

Maybe he forgot. I went a bit overboard
with that tranquiliser I gave him.

- The what?
- A tranq...

Relu was feeling off
and needed my help.

- What, he had a toothache?
- No, no.

Panic attacks.
So I gave him a sedative.

What panic, man?

Panic attacks. Or so he said...
Well, not said exactly...

...he just told me how he felt
and I gave...

- Bye! Is someone picking you up?
- My dad should've, but...

He didn't show?

Can you find your way home?

- On foot?
- No, by car.

Oh, sure.

Hop in.

What the - are you crazy?! Stop, man!!

Let him go! Get off him, dad!

- Let him go!
- Let go of him!

- Are you OK, dad?
- Get back in the car!

Wait, my bag!

Might be better if you didn't
tell your mom about this.

-That you forgot to pick me up?
-No. The other thing.

- That you beat that man up?
- I didn't beat him up.

I restrained him.

I saw him talking to you
and I thought...

- I didn't mean to...
- OK, I won't tell mom.

-And about forgetting to pick you up...
-That either.

What the...?

- Go to your room.
- What happened?

-Do as I said.
-Go on.

- Have you lost it?!
- Yes, I have.

You didn't come home
'cause you crashed the car?

- That's right.
- Is it?

And when your son got hit in the eye
with a cracker

and I had to take him to the ER
on my own, you were at work?

- We went over this.
- Tell me again! I'm dumb, I forgot!

- On Chuckie's birthday I was...
- What about these?

Don't even try telling me
you wanted to surprise me!

Speak! If you're so sly,
hoarding gold in our home

why didn't I get so much as a ring?
Who were they for?

They're mine.

What, pops?

-They're mine.
-As if I'd buy that!

Buy it or don't,
I couldn't give a shit.

Do pick them up and put them back.

How did you get the money
to buy all this gold?

Who said I bought it?

When you took me in,
I sold my bed-sit in Dristor.

A pawn shop owner gave me these for it
and some cash... that I drank away.

I couldn't drink these away... so far.

So why are you sitting on this gold
instead of pitching in around here?

The water bill, the gas bill?!

There! That's my gas contribution.

As I've told you this morning,
lately, you've been screwing up.

And this ain't a stash house, sonny.
If the cops raid you, you're toast.

Hello? Sabin?

Yeah. Something urgent came up.

No, I had some business.
So, did you find him?

Hey, can you do me a real favour?

Don't tell Nico I had to clear out,
I'm not in the mood for a fight.

What the hell, man, you know me. Chill.

- OK, bye.
- Ciao, bye.

Still, to be fair, it's Relster's word
against the Doctor's.

He's just the sort who'd sell his mom
to save his bacon.

I don't buy his story
about Relu getting panicky.

How he tricked Relu,
drugged him and all that.

Did you notice anything different
about Relu today?

Give me a hint.

His car was smashed...

End of episode 3