Ugly Betty (2006–2010): Season 4, Episode 6 - Backseat Betty - full transcript

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Good morning, everyone!

Somebody didn't get home
until 10.30 last night, huh?

Some of the editors wanted to go out,

So I went with them, and I got a tattoo!

- What?
- Who is "stu"?

Stu?

It's supposed to say "hot stuff."

I sweat it off. It was hot in the club.

Ay, gracias a dios. Your
mother would kill me.

Mija, it's not like you
to go out on a work night.

So? Maybe I want to mix it up.



Matt's moving on. He's
dating someone new.

I think it's time for me
to get back on the market.

Hey, what about that nice guy

- Who does the bookkeeping for Archie?
- Larry?

Yeah. I don't know.

When he gets nervous, he
does this sniffing thing.

I don't think betty wants a sniffer.

Aunt Betty

Did marc say when the cheerleader

uniforms will be ready?

Yes, he's gonna drop them
off on his way to work.

Oh, thank god.

Those hems have not been
brought up since 2003.

They might as well just
be cheering in burkas.



Who roped you into
helping the cheerleaders?

It was marc's idea.

He said if I'm gonna make
it through high school,

I have to be friends with
the popular/mean girls.

That's his advice?

What does it matter?

The point is, he's having
a better time at school.

Okay, so whoever's free this morning,

We need help decorating
the gym for homecoming.

What?

Why do I feel like I should
be hearing scary music?

Your mother doesn't have the
best association with homecoming.

Do you want to know why?

Because the year that I was
nominated homecoming queen,

My father told me I could
not attend the ceremony.

Mija, I was protecting you.

- You were ashamed of me!
- guys!

- Never!
- Papi.

Justin, your mom was six
months pregnant with you,

So grandpa didn't think it
was a good idea for her to go.

Because he was ashamed of me.

I was protecting you!

Lies!

but you know

that you are a blessing
in my life, honey, right?

That is true, but
eso-- eso is a lie.

We'll come and help.

I could have been queen, Betty.

I could have ruled all of this.

I really think all you got
was a bunch of carnations

And a ride on a golf cart.

Yeah, to wave to my subjects

Oh, my god!

Is that Bobby Talercio?

Bobby Talercio was
the most dangerous guy

I ever went out with.

One time, this guy called me a whore,

And Bobby slammed his
head against the wall

And made him apologize.

I felt like such a princess.

- Hilda?
- Hi!

Get out here! no way! oh, my god.

I know, right?

-You look great.
- Oh, thank you.

Jeez, don't tell me
this is little chipmunk.

This is little chipmunk? Oh, man! it is.

- "little chipmunk."
- your face! oh!

look, I'd love to stay and talk,

But I gotta start a lesson.

Oh, you're teaching driver's ed.

Yeah, part-time. You know,

the family's got the car dealership,

- So I volunteer a few of the cars.
- Nice.

Look, I'll, uh,

- I'll see you around, all right?
- Okay. See you later.

My god, he has still got it.

I used to have such a crush on him.

- No kidding.
- You knew?

Please! if it weren't for
you hanging around so much,

Bobby would have been Justin's father.

Remember the summer
he worked at Asadero's?

You came by three times
a day for freeze-atas.

Yeah, I gained 9 pounds that summer.

But you lost it.

Remember how you guys used
to sit on the hood of his car?

I used to always wish that would be me.

- That would have been funny.
- Why?

'cause you could never go
out with a guy like Bobby.

Why not?

Because you're a good girl,

and he is a very bad boy.

So? You don't know me. Maybe I could.

Oh, please. Bobby smoked.

Okay, here you
go-- top and skirt.

For you. Hey, thank you.

See, ava? If the skirt doesn't hit you

In the exact right place,

It could make your leg look chunky.

Oh, my god. You saved my life.

Hey, Justin, where's your skirt, huh?

Shut up, Kevin!

Okay, so let's talk
about what just happened.

A lump of boy made fun of
you, and you did nothing.

What am I supposed to do?
Get ahead of the joke, son.

If he asks where your skirt is,

Say it's at the dry cleaner
with your opera cape.

If you show them that
you're in on the joke,

Then they'll think
they're not getting to you,

And they'll stop making fun of you.

Okay, Miss woman

Are we all happy now?

Is there anything else my
friend Justin can do for you?

Uh, not unless he knows any routines.

We need fresh moves for homecoming.

Well, you're in luck.

It just so happens that Justin here

Has the moves of a
young, Mexican Beyonc.

I,
uh--

And he would be happy to
choreograph it for you.

Cool. See you at practice.

Okay.

What did you do?

I mean, I helped out in junior high,

But this is homecoming.

This is like the broadway of school.

Worry not, youngling.

It just so happens,

I was head cheerleader in college,

And I happen to know a move or two.

So this water

Is from the community of the phoenix?

Yeah, it's full of vitamins, and look,

The cups have inspirational
sayings on them from Bennett.

"If it's a mess, it's a message."

I think I get it.

You know, the community's
really changed my life, Betty.

I just--I
feel better

You know, more energy.

Natalie's got me on this great diet.

It's raw food, phoenix
water and that's it.

You don't think you need more than that?

You want half my muffin?

Muffin... Or poison?

Come on.

Um, I thought that was a muffin.

You know, cleansing is so important.

Once you get rid of all those toxins,

It's just amazing the clarity you have.

It's also amazing how much
you have to pee. Excuse me.

Should I be worried about my son?

I'd ask him myself,

But we're not really
in that place right now.

Well, he is acting a little loopy,

But if this community

Is helping him deal with Molly's death,

Then I'm trying to keep
an open mind about it.

I do like his new necklace.

Ah, just the girl I wanted to see.

I was talking to Betty, Mrs. Meade.

You're not a girl.

I would never call you a girl.

Well, I'm glad that's cleared up.

Now I won't spend the afternoon texting

and worrying about boys.

- I should talk less.
- Matt?

Oh, um, your assignment
for the "fearless" issue.

Oh, thank you.

Wait

Matt, horoscopes and
cosmetic of the month?

I'm not getting a features article?

Look, I really wanted to give you one,

But once the senior editors
picked what they wanted,

All that was left
was a P.O.V. Piece--

You know, an editor's
personal story of fearlessness.

I just thought that Megan
would be better for that.

Can you sign this?

W-why?

I'm--i'm just as
fearless as Megan.

What, are--are you smiling?
Why are you smiling?

-No, I'm not.
-Thank you.

Okay, I am

But it's just, look,

Don't get mad, but when I think of you,

I think of someone

Who's a little, I don't know, cautious.

Maybe you're thinking of the old Betty,

'cause the new Betty is fearless.

Uh, look, no bangs!

Okay, look, nothing is set in stone.

Give me some pitches.
I'd love to hear them.

Okay.

But something a little
bit more dangerous

Than turning in a story
without proofreading it.

I would never do that.

I do not appreciate blackmail calls

In the middle of a workday.

Detective, you will have the
money when I get the money.

Never cover up a murder
for your daughter.

Well, if you have one fault

It's that you love too much.

Willie, I'm really
starting to get worried.

If you can't come up with the money,

You and Nico will go to jail.

I'm aware of that, Marc.

Get on the phone.

I want you to call
"Vogue," "EllE," "Bazaar."

Tell them that Wilhelmina Slater

is available for modeling,

Willing to do a cover.

- What?
- It's just...

Models today tend to be...

Um, they often, and
this is a terrible thing,

But usually what they're looking for...

Yes, I know I'm not 19, but
there are plenty of models

That are in their late 30s.

They can do wonders
with airbrushing. Yes.

A Wilhelmina Slater
cover will sell magazines.

So unless you can come up
with another way to get money,

Start calling.

Daniel, you think of
me as fearless, right?

I mean, someone who takes risks?

Sure. I mean, look at
you. No bangs, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

It just seems like everyone thinks of me

As this cautious person,

And maybe I was in the past.

But now I want to be fearless.

- Well, you can be.
- How?

Well...

"do the thing you never do."

Bobby!

Hey, what's up, chipmunk?

Well, it's not "chipmunk"
anymore. It's Betty.

And this bad girl wants to date you.

Hey, sweetie, what's up?

- Hey, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

Okay.

Um, uh, sorry.

I wanted to ask you something.

Yeah, anything.

I was wondering if...

I mean, only if you have time...

- If maybe...
- What do you need, chipmunk?

If you would want to, um...

Teach me how to drive?

Yeah, of course!

Is that all you wanted? I
mean, you seem a little nervous.

Well... I also wanted this.

Is that all you wanted? I
mean, you seem a little nervous.

Yep. That's it.

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- Hey!
-Hi!

Hey! how did cheerleading practice go?

This kid is a star.

Honestly, it was like he
was born to yell at girls.

Yay!

Oh, Marc showed me this routine.

It got them going crazy.

One, two, three, four

- Ready?
- Okay.

I know you want me, you know I want ya

I know you want me, you know I want ya

Bravo!

It kind of put me on the map in college.

Oh, and we got invited
to homecoming tomorrow.

- Whoo! that's...that's so great!
- Oh, that's wonderful, mijo.

Ay, there's Archie. Marc,
thank you so, so much.

- Yeah.
- Gracias, Marc.

Oh, maybe this time, I get to go.

- I was protecting you!
-Ashamed!

Okay, a glass of water and two saltines,

And I'm out of here. Now look at me.

Everything is gonna be great,
and I will tell you why.

If anybody gives you any crap,

You know that you are
smarter and funnier.

It's just the truth.

I thought being the
girlfriend of a politician

Would be glamorous.

I didn't think I would spend my saturday

Dressed like Barbara Bush,
watching him plant a tree

- In front of the Shalom retirement home.
- That's not Archie.

What?

What is Bobby Talercio doing here?

He's here for me! He's
gonna teach me how to drive.

Uh, you already know how to drive.

- Not a stick shift.
- Why do you need to learn that?

Automatics are safer, mija.

I know,papi. Exactly
why I want to learn.

I think it would make a great article

For the "fearless" issue.

What's scarier than
driving a stick in the city?

All the teachers in
Queens, and you pick bobby?

Betty, I don't like that
guy. He...He's a thug.

I'm sure he's the one
who stole our baby jesus.

Papi, come on. He's a nice guy.

Oh! Hilda, Archie's here.

That is wonderful, Marc.

And you didn't think
I could get a cover.

Now tell me, where am I going?

"Hot Flash" would be thrilled
to have you on its cover.

In fact, as soon as I heard,

I did a mock-up of what I
thought it should look like.

Cackle all you want, claire.

But if I agree to do this,

I want final approval on all the photos,

And, of course, my usual fee.

The fee is $500

And a liter of diet ginger ale,

And I'd take it.

Where else are you going to
find a magazine willing to put

Women of our age on the cover?

How dare you even suggest
we're near the same age?

And I won't agree to such a small fee.

Well, it's the best I can do, willie.

Now "Hot Flash" is just an insert,

So you might have some
staples in your face.

Oh! but you've had that before.

Okay, okay, easy on the clutch.

- You wanna be in third.
- I think I am in third.

No, you're in second.

So this is for an article, huh?

Yep.

Am I gonna be in it?

Maybe.

Ah, jeez, I can't believe
little betty's all grown up.

You know, a big shot at "mode."

I still think of you in footie pajamas.

Oh, god. Please don't
think of me that way.

I wear regular nightgowns now.

Like...Like you can see my feet.

I get it. You're all
grown-up. Yeah, I know.

Yep.

I've traveled, had my own apartment,

Boyfriends.

Actually, I just got out
of a relationship, so...

I guess I'm back on the market.

Oh, okay, okay. E-ease
up. Press in the clutch.

Press...there you go.

Okay now. Now look, you don't
wanna grip it too hard, okay?

You just wanna gently ease it,

Guide it to right
where you want it to go.

Hey! watch what you're doin', dumb-ass!

- I'm sorry!
- You park the car, not the road!

Hey, sweetie, don't worry about it.

- Put the car in neutral.
- I'm walkin' over here!

- Good job. Pull up the emergency brake.
- I'll be right back.

You gotta watch what you're doin',

- Four eyes!
-Hey, come here.

Now you were jaywalkin'

When there's a clearly marked crosswalk!

And worse than that, you
were rude to this young lady!

- Now apologize!
- I'm sorry.

- It's fine.
-That's better. Go. Go cross at the light.

It's the law, ya bum.

Oh, baby, watch your step

You gonna dress like that

Amanda.

What are you doing here on a saturday?

Well, I'm not here because Matt came in

The last two out of four saturdays,

If that's what you're implying.
But since you brought it up,

- Do you see Matt and I as a couple?
- Look, amanda,

You can't force someone
to have feelings for you.

I mean, you tried that
with me, and it didn't work.

I gave you nothing.

Honestly, I kinda used you.

Thanks. I feel better.

And at least I'll always
have that cold sore.

Look, all I'm saying is,
you can change that pattern.

I don't know if it's all
the herbs I've been taking

Or the fact that I
haven't eaten in four days,

But I feel like I'm seeing
you for the first time.

It's like I can see what's
missing in your life.

- Matt. -
Self-esteem.

Amanda, I think you should
attend these workshops

We're having here this weekend. Oh,

You mean the dead people thing?

No. Look, the community's
about so much more than that.

It's about finding your self-worth,

Reaching your potential.
Look, you're always saying

You wanna move forward
in your life, right?

I really think this
might help you get there.

Okay, I'll stay.

If Matt sees me here, he'll
think I'm super complicated.

Listen, you did a great
job today, chipmunk.

- Yeah? You did good.

Hey, you only hit one pedestrian, huh?

All right.

Oh! uh, yeah. Sorry.

Um... Thanks.

I was just thinking, you
know, um, saturday night...

You've probably got big plans, right?

Nah, I'm just gonna do what I always do.

I go down to Mad Dog's and shoot pool.

Oh, yeah, I...I know the place.

The one with the sign--
uh, "warm beer, lousy food."

My dad says that place
is run by the mob.

My uncle runs it.

Oh.

It's not so bad.

I've always wanted to check it out.

You should. Come by
anytime. Come tonight.

Really?

- Yeah.
- Yeah!

Oh, okay. Maybe.

May--yeah, you
know, if I have time.

Papi! I'm gonna be out late tonight!

I have plans!

Well, now you have other plans!

Betty, meet my bookkeeper Larry.

He's here for you! we're
all gonna have a double date.

Won't that be fun?

So that turned out
to be a pretty big war

Between me and that squirrel.

I was pretty sure he was
the one stealing my carrots.

So you know what I did?

I got it from that catalog
they give you on the plane

When I was visiting my mom in Syracuse.

She just redid the roof,

But... That's another story.

I forgot what I was saying.

The squirrel, man.

Oh right, you will never guess

Who turned out to be the carrot thief.

The squirrel.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It was the squirrel.

Man, I'm so surprised
at how late it got.

What are you talking about? It's 9:00.

Why don't we all play
a game or something?

Since when do you like games?

I love games.

I have so... Much work

That I have to do in the morning.

And I really should just hit the hay.

But, Larry, it was
really nice to meet you.

Oh, you, too. Have a good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Good night.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

I don't know about you, but
I am stoked for this weekend.

And, yes, I just said "stoked."

Hey, Natalie!

I'm doing it, too. I'm
gonna get cured or whatever.

Yes, Daniel brought a friend
to join us this weekend.

I've started recruiting for you already.

Maybe I'll earn something free.

So far, I am loving everything
except for these beads.

I don't love the way they
frame my "chesticals."

They'll look better
when we shave your head.

- What?
- Kidding.

We always say that to the newcomers.

We like to have fun.

So are you doing the whole weekend?

I hope so. Oh, that reminds me.

There's this literature on phasing

I really want to show you. Come on. Oh,

You did not tell me I had to read.

She is gonna ruin this.

I need him to get to level five.

Pull it together, Natalie.
There's still time. Hmm?

But we're running out of time!

Isn't there another
way you can get money?

Oh, for god sake,
Nico. Lower your voice.

Angela Landsbury lives next door,

And she'd love to rat me
out to the co-op board.

Okay, why am I the
only one freaking out?

Because I took two of
my "headache" pills.

And...

There is one other option.

Well, then do it.

It's not that simple.

It would mean giving
up everything--

My career, my life here...

Everything.

What is it?

It's not "what." it's... "who."

Connor Owens.

How was your night?

Hi! I went out.

Yeah, I got that.

Hey. I was just, uh, making
sure Betty got in all right.

There were always a lot of
rough guys in this neighborhood.

I guess that was me.

You look good, Hilda.

Oh, I-I usually look a lot better.

I threw on this robe by accident.

Okay.

I'll see you tomorrow, chipmunk.

Okay.

You are really something.

You blow off a perfectly
nice guy like Larry

To sneak around with Bobby?

Oh, come on, Hilda.

You said it yourself. Larry's a sniffer.

Well, so what? You're
a chewer. I'm a yeller.

We all got something.

Look, I just wanted to go
out and have some fun, okay?

Is that so bad?

Well, you are not gonna
have fun with that one.

Trust me. He is exactly the
wrong kind of guy for you.

Oh, and what makes larry the right guy,

That he's boring and nerdy?

Yeah, well,

That boring and nerdy
guy has feelings, okay?

And let me tell you, you
were really mean tonight.

What do you mean?

He heard you, Betty!

He heard you leave.

"oh, god, I'm so tired!

I'm gonna go to bed!"

Oh, my god. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean for him to hear me.

Well--I could call
him. I can apologize.

Well, he wanted to come
to homecoming with us,

But since you hate him...

I didn't say that I hate him.

Well, maybe we could all go together,

Get something to eat after...

Yeah.

I guess I could do that.

With the money connor stole,

He practically wiped
out Meade publications.

How much money was there?

Enough to pay off the detective,

And to live very well
for the rest of our lives.

But... I mean, you said
he could be anywhere.

How could you ever find him?

I won't. He'll find me.

Come away with me.

Wilhelmina, you have always
lived your life a certain way.

But when you're ready to
pursue another option with me...

Just put it out there.
I'll find you again.

Could you do that? I
mean, give up everything?

God, Nico, I don't know.

Mom...

Do you still love him?

Okay, then...

You have to do this.

Not for me.

Do this for yourself.

I must admit, I am intrigued

By this emergency sunday meeting.

What is it now?

You're dropping modeling to
start a line of skateboards?

I'm afraid it's nothing
quite so colorful, Claire.

I wanted to give you plenty of time

To find my replacement.

Excuse me?

I quit.

Didn't stall once.

Damn! You know, there's nothing sexier

Than a woman that can shift like a pro.

- And you were scared to drive a stick.
- I know!

You were fearless. Fearless.

That's great.

- Oh, god.
- What? What's the matter?

I sort of have a date with that guy.

- Which one?
- The guy in the dad jeans.

- You don't seem like you wanna go.
- Not really.

I mean, he is a nice guy, but...

Then blow him off. Let's
go get a Freeze-ata.

Are you crazy? I could never do that.

I'd say that's a good
enough reason to do it.

Easy on the clutch.

Sorry, Larry!

Betty!

Okay, kids, it's "get real" time.

We just spent two hours

With fat chick telling
us how to breathe.

Didn't we learn that
when we were, like, 5?

Hey, you just gotta give it time.

Right, Natalie?

Or it's just not for
her and she goes home.

Good thing she doesn't
work at the welcome table.

Look, I'm sorry, but we've
wasted half the weekend.

Daniel, we have to get to level five.

Yeah, or we just do it another time.

Wait, what's level five?

Is that where you
touch each other's junk

And call it a massage? I wanna do it.

No, it's not! Look,
why is she even here?

She's not even in our energy group.

Did you just really say that?

Natalie...

Amanda, we take this
stuff pretty seriously.

Daniel, I know, and
that's what scares me.

I think all this cleansing and vitamins

Isn't just giving you bad breath.

It's giving you bad judgment.

Why can't you see that all this is crap?

Look, just because you don't
get it doesn't mean it's crap.

Daniel, I know you miss Molly, but...

You have no idea what I'm going through.

You know what? This was
a mistake. You should go.

Daniel...

I can't believe I did that.

- That is so not me.
- Don't feel bad, chipmunk.

The guy is not right for you. That's it.

That's what I said.

But everyone else thinks
he's perfect for me.

Hmm. Why do people think
they know me so well?

Ah, people like to do that.

You know, they like to put you in a box.

It makes it easier for them.

Listen to me. Don't let
them do that, all right?

You're pretty. You're a smart girl.

You can date anybody you want.

You gotta try this.

I mixed the cherry with the
blue one and the root beer.

It's disgusting and
delicious. You gotta try it.

Look, Bobby, this is how I see it.

You get me. I get you.

Let's make it work.

Hey, put your tongue to
the roof of your mouth.

There you go.

You all right?

You know, it's so
crazy seeing you again.

Yeah.

A lot has changed.

I can't even remember why
Hilda and I ever broke up.

Oh, I know. I went to jail.

Ah, anyway, I think about Hilda a lot.

It kills me to think I ever let her go.

She seeing anyone?

Yeah.

She is.

I guess we always want
what we can't have, right?

Yeah.

I should probably get to homecoming now.

I heard your friend left.

Uh, y-you got the beads, didn't you?

So hard, isn't it?

The decision to let go of
the people holding us back.

But it means you know
what you want, Daniel.

And it means I was right.

It's time for you to go to level five.

Bennett, what is level five?

It's where you're reunited with Molly.

You mean in like a-a spiritual,

"She's all around me" kinda way?

No, I mean actually be with her.

Feel her.

Touch her.

Your relationship with Molly
doesn't have to be over.

I'm...

I'm sorry.

You have to know

- That sounds...
- Crazy?

- Yeah.
- Well, maybe it is.

Maybe your friend is right.

And you're certainly free to leave.

But tonight,

When you lay in bed missing Molly,

I hope you don't regret

Having given up the
possibility of seeing her again.

Papi! I'm sorry I'm
late. Is Larry upset?

No. Actually, I think he was relieved.

He was worried he wasn't
wearing enough layers.

Archie drove him home.

Well, why aren't you inside?

I needed a few minutes
away from your sister.

Yeah, I think I need a
few minutes to myself, too.

She's been in such a mood.
She won't stop with the...

I know, I know. You were ashamed of her.

I was protecting her!

What did I say?

After much consideration,
I must announce

That the "Fearless" shoot in the Bahamas

Will be my last.

I'm resigning from "Mode"...

To pursue other options.

Now I know that over the years,

The press has had a lot
of fun at my expense.

You've called me the "Meaner Hitler."

You've said that I was completely bald

And my wigs were made from orphan hair.

You've had me sleeping with everyone

From Madonna to J.F.K...

Only one of which is true.

Yes, we've had our fun over the years.

But I ask for one thing in return...

That you quote me exactly as I say.

"wilhelmina Slater is leaving
to pursue other options."

Wilhelmina, what other options?

So... Betty, I hear from
some of the cheerleaders

That we're dating. How serious are we?

I need to introduce you to my mother?

Oh, my god. I did not say that, I swear.

I mean, I didn't not say that.

This is really embarrassing.

Come on, chipmunk. Don't worry about it.

Kids say stuff. So what?

Look, when's our next lesson?

Bobby, I don't...

I don't think we should
do any more lessons.

Why? Sweetie, you need more practice.

Yeah... It wasn't really
ever about the driving.

I just wanted an excuse
to hang out with you.

Get out of here. What do you mean?

I guess I just wanted to...

Be the kind of girl who
could date a guy like you.

What do you mean, a guy like me?

I don't even know what that means.

In my family, you know, I'm a wuss.

No! come on, you're cool!

I had the biggest crush
on you when I was a kid.

Yeah. Yeah, you did.

- Wait, you knew?
- Yeah, I knew. I mean,

Come on, you were always around.

If you'd have given Hilda
and me five minutes alone,

- I'd have been Justin's father.
- Yeah, that's what Hilda said.

I just remember,

All I ever wanted was to
kiss you in the hallway,

Like you kissed all your girlfriends.

We're in a hallway...

No.

Thank you, but...

I'm okay.

All right.

I'll see you around, Betty.

Wait.

That was sweet.

Listen to me,

Don't worry about anybody
putting you in a box.

You were the weirdest kid I knew, ever.

Okay, and you still are a little bit.

And that's a good thing.

You understand?

Shamans in south America have
used this tea for centuries.

It enables them to become intermediaries

Between the spirit world and our world.

Oh, that's nasty.

Try it with a squeeze of
lemon. It really helps.

Hilda, what's wrong?

Nothing's wrong, Betty.

You wanna make out with bobby
in the hallway, go ahead.

- Guess that's who you are now, right?
- Don't worry, Hilda.

I'm still exactly who you want me to be.

I will always be your
less attractive, less cool,

Geeky little sister, so
no need to get jealous.

What are you talking
about? I'm not jealous.

Well, you're certainly acting
that way, which is stupid,

Because I may have just kissed Bobby,

But all he ever talks about is you.

I gotta get inside.

The--the ceremony's
about to start.

Ooh, I'm sensing tension
between the sisters Suarez.

Or as your people call it, la pasion.

- It's nothing.
- Ava?

Why aren't you practicing?

Your high vs are too low,
and your low vs are too high.

And I won't even bring
up your "candlestick."

- I feel bad about Justin.
- Justin? Why?

I really like him. It wasn't my idea.

What? What wasn't your idea?

And this year's homecoming king is...

Brandon Floyd!

Yeah, Brandon!

We're leaving? Why?
We gotta go right now.

I'll explain later.
We just gotta go now.

And this year's homecoming queen

Is...

Justin Suarez!

- I'm gonna sue this school.
- Come on,

Son. Let's go home. Come on.

Justin, let's just go. Come on.

Come on, sweetie pie. Get over there.

Justin, you can't go up there.

It's okay.

Oh, my god. He's gonna go for it.

What am I gonna do?
I gotta do something.

You can't always protect him, mija.

Oh, my god!

Thank you so much. I'm so honored.

Nothing can ruin this day,

Even this tacky baby's breath.

But, I mean, come on, guys.

I think you can do a little
bit better for your queen.

I'd say, "off with your heads!"

But for some of you,
that might not matter.

As much as I hate
giving up an accessory,

I think there's someone
who deserves this

A little bit
more than I do--

My mom.

She's an amazing person

And should've gotten this 15 years ago.

But that's kind of my fault.

She's with me every step of the way,

And that's pretty hard 'cause
I'm a high maintenance kid.

So... Thank you.

Justin, you were
amazing! You were smart...

- So handsome and so cool!
- And sassy and fresh.

And in ten years, you're gonna
be at the top of your game,

And that guy is gonna be bald,

And he won't even be
able to see his feet.

Yeah! What you did up there took guts.

Honey, you know I love you,
right? No matter who you are.

- So what those kids were saying about you...
- Mom, it's a joke.

I'm just playing along. I'm not gay.

Then he's not.

- I can't sleep.
- Me neither.

I don't want you to be
anybody but who you want to be.

I know.

I guess now

I'm a woman who knows
how to drive stick shift.

Oh, hell, yeah!

So I figured out what I'm gonna

pitch for the "fearless" issue.

You making out with
Bobby in the hallway?

No.

You.

Yeah, right.

I'm serious.

Hilda, you're the bravest person I know.

You dated guys like Bobby.

You went to school
when you were pregnant.

And you held your head up high

No matter what anybody said about you.

And you raised the bravest
kid in the whole world.

I did, didn't I?

Thanks. That's sweet.

Don't forget to mention the salon.

It's actually really funny
that you were jealous of me.

What?! I was not jealous of you.

I wasn't! I was jealous of me.

I mean...

You know, the person that I was.

When did I get so boring?

Are you not happy with Archie?

No. No, no, no. No.

Archie's great. I'm just...

I'm just talking. I don't know.

Did you know that "Archie"
is short for "Archibald"?

Hilda and archibald.

Given the situation,

It's going to be a lot harder
to track the stolen money.

- What's going on?
- Excuse me.

It's about Connor Owens.

They found his body washed
up on a beach in panama.

He's dead.

I'm so sorry, Wilhelmina.

Thank you for telling me.

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