Ugly Betty (2006–2010): Season 4, Episode 4 - The Wiener, the Bun and the Boob - full transcript

Aw. Look at them, all nervous.

I remember when I interviewed
to be your assistant.

So, that's the group HR sent me, huh?
Kind of a motley-looking crew.

I only talked to them for a little while,
but I really like Gavin.

Which one's he?

I don't want to do
this interview today.

I'm starting to feel queasy.

Maybe because you're eating

chocolate-covered pretzels
for breakfast.

Thanks, I would have eaten
the whole bag.

Whoo!



See? Which one of
those goobers is gonna do that for me?

Hey, not too long ago,
I was one of those goobers.

All right, promise me
you're gonna pick someone good.

- I promise.
- Good.

Now, do you need anything else?

Actually, fact-checking,
I know you're swamped.

Come on, what kind of editor would I be

if I couldn't do a little fact-checking?
Add it to my pile.

All of it by 2:00? No problemo.

Wow, that's a lot of red ink,
but I'm happy to redo it!

Japanese to English?
I look forward to the challenge.

Wow, look at that giant pile.

I know, and it's carrying
all those papers!

Ignoring and rising above.



What's wrong, Betty?
Now that you're a big fancy editor,

you don't even talk to the little people?

Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you
over your loud shirt.

Did you just...

Fashion smack by Suarez. Unexpected.

Unlike you, Betty,
I look great in jewel tones.

- What's with the 'tude?
- Well, I've tried being nice to you,

but since my promotion, all you do
is insult me and sabotage me.

So, I'm done with you.

- I really like this side of her.
- Do you mind?

- Sorry.
- No, no, no, it was my bad.

But, here, here, let me help.

Oh, I was wondering if you had any
feature ideas for the New York issue?

What, you mean, like,
to write an article?

- Yeah, unless you're too busy with...
- Oh, no!

No, I would love to write an article.

Actually, I've been working
on this concept

about the unsung heroes of New York,

people who do the toughest jobs.

And we could showcase
their uniforms for a fashion angle.

"New York's 10 Most Thankless Jobs. "

- Sounds perfect.
- Really?

Mmm-hmm.

Wow, thanks.
Okay, great. Well, I'll get to work.

Oh, and, Matt, I'm really glad
that we, you know.

Yeah, me, too.

Oh, hey, Matt! I really like your haircut.

Just looks so healthy,
makes me want to pull it!

Actually,
I didn't get a haircut.

Ow, wow. That kind of hurts.
Thank you.

Bye.

Oh, my God, Mandy,
you were, like, five seconds away

from flipping his omelet
right here on the desk.

You love him.

Please. He's tainted.
Kissing him would be like kissing Betty.

- Oh, Betty.
- Yes?

Daniel's been looking for you.

He wants you to meet
the new assistant.

Oh! He picked someone? Yay!
Is it Gavin?

I don't think so.

Hi, are you Daniel's new assistant?

Lexie, like, "Sexy. "

Oh, I see. Um...
Well, I'm Betty, like, "Confetti!"

I'm Daniel's old assistant,
so I'm more than happy to help you.

- I can show you how things work.
- I know how things work.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

Hey, Betty. Oh, did you meet Lexie yet?

Lexie, like, "Sexy"?
Yes, we met. Daniel!

- What?
- What happened to Gavin?

Of all the people HR sent over,
that's who you picked?

Looks had nothing to do with it.

I can't believe you would
even think that. I'm a widower, Betty.

You certainly didn't pick her
because she's friendly.

Well, maybe
she's just intimidated by you.

I mean, I told her
she had some pretty big shoes to fill.

She nailed the interview.
Totally helpful.

Let me get that for you.

I mean, just because she's pretty
doesn't mean she's not qualified.

You should know, judging a book
by its cover works both ways.

I'm sure if you think she's capable,
then she'll be great.

Where the hell have you been?

Can't I go out to get
some frozen yogurt?

If you can go a couple of weeks
without murdering any boyfriends.

Did you talk to anyone?

You know me.
Just get one frozen yogurt in me

and I just tell all my secrets.

Is this a joke to you?

You will not be laughing
when we're both in jail, young lady.

- Mom, it was 20 minutes.
- I ask you to do one thing, stay put.

Nico, after everything I've done for you.

Boarding school in France,
taking you in when you needed help...

I'm sorry, it won't happen again.

You're right, it won't happen again,

because from now on,
you don't leave my side.

That's it. Now you just type in
your password right there,

and that's how you check your e-mail.

So, what's my password again?

"Ignacio Rules. "
- Just wanted to hear you say that.

Hey, look at that!

Guess papi's more modern
than you thought.

Yes, congratulations.
You have mastered e-mail.

Welcome to 1993.

Hey, I think it's very cool that
you're learning to use the computer.

You are in a mood.

- What?
- It's Archie.

I never get to see him anymore.
He's too busy campaigning

and canvassing the neighborhood.

I'll tell you one neighborhood
he isn't canvassing,

if you know what I mean.

What? It's passion.

Without it, relationships fizzle,
and I don't want that to happen to us.

Maybe he's not attracted
to me anymore.

What, are you crazy? Look at you.

Yeah, that would be pretty crazy.

Mi hija, more coffee?
You're gonna be up all night.

It's the only way
I'm gonna make it through.

I have all this work to do

and I haven't even started
writing my article.

Just have the people below you do it.

- Isn't that what editors do?
- Justin, I'm a junior editor.

There's no one lower than me
in my department.

There is always
someone lower than you.

In junior high, the drama kids seemed
like the bottom of the food chain,

but we weren't.
There was always the band

and the Renaissance Fair nerds.

I did Renaissance Fair!
I was one of the Queen's dancers!

So, Betty, who's below you?

There is a pool of assistants
that junior editors can use,

but I don't want it to look like
I can't handle my own work.

Mi hija, it is not a sign of weakness
to ask for help.

Margaret, I know you hate your life,

but does everything you pick out
have to be so dreary?

Don't come back until you get it right.

Great pep talk!
Everyone looked real scared.

Hey, Willie, can I talk to you
about something?

I just ran into Tall Paul from styles

who was talking to Fat Pat
from accounting

who heard on good authority
from Gay Renee...

Oh, just say it!

Hartley and Claire were having dinner
with Isabelle Besset last night!

Word is she's replacing you.
What are we gonna do?

What's the plan? Blackmail?

I've been trying to get dirt
on Isabelle for years.

She's clean as a whistle.

Then what? Hartley and Claire
think you're the enemy.

Marc! We will just have to
convince them that I'm not the enemy,

remind them I'm a team player.

- You're serious?
- Yes!

I can turn on the charm if I want.

While I'm on shaky ground, it wouldn't
kill me to kiss Claire's bony ass.

So, your plan is being nice?

Yes.

I'm just gonna give you some space,

some time, so you can
hatch up something else.

Okay.

Speaking of things you've hatched,
Nico is here.

Yes, I brought her in
to learn about fashion.

Go grab her a chair.
She'll be quiet as a mouse.

Okay, sure.

So, Nico, what you been doing
since boarding school?

What brings you back?

Wilhelmina? I'm sorry to interrupt.

Don't be sorry. Being sorry takes time.
Just spit it out.

Well, I've requested
an assistant from the pool,

but HR says you have to sign off on it.

But you never stay with your mom
for this long. Is it boy trouble?

Didn't you meet some guy
backpacking through Europe?

Whatever happened to him?

You need an assistant? Done.
Walk this way.

Really? Wow, thank you!
I have so much editorial work.

I had no idea that...
Oh, I thought we were walking.

We're here. Marc, I need to reassign
you for a few days.

- Reassign me?
- Oh, no, no. No, no, no. I...

Yes. Betty here needs an assistant,
and you are it.

I cannot be Betty's assistant!

It goes against the natural
order of things. She-diculous!

I made my decision, Marc.

Is this because I told you
about a certain French editor

who might be replacing you?
Do not punish the messenger, Willie!

It's a good learning experience
for Nico to man the desk.

Besides, you're always complaining

that you want more
editorial responsibility,

and Betty needs help with the feature.

Um...

You know what?
I can do this by myself.

Betty, you might have been
a star assistant, but as an editor,

you have failed to produce
one single item for this magazine.

You want help? Here it is.

I don't want to hear
another word about it.

Betty's in charge,
so shut up and get out!

- I want to...
- I said get out!

- Very mature.
- Just because

I'm your temporary assistant,

does not mean
I'm getting you coffee, got it?

- I could have been an editor at V!
- V?

A certain magazine whose name
shall not be said, rhymes with "rogue"?

Dante Nelli Jr. Himself offered me a job.

Dante Nelli Jr., a man so fabulous,
he wears a kaftan every day of the year.

And I said, "No, thanks, Dante,
I'd rather be at Mode

- "doing grunt work for Betty Suarez!"
- You know what, Marc?

This is awkward for me, too,
but I could actually use your help.

I need to trim 100 words
from the Trends column.

- Maybe you could help me with that!
- I could do that in my sleep!

Hey, Lexie, I'm gonna pop down
to the cafeteria

- to have lunch with my friend Natalie.
- I'm on the phone.

- What was it you were saying?
- Oh! Uh...

Okay. Anyway, I'll be back
in an hour or so. Okay?

Sorry, my new boss.
Yabbering on about something.

Mother, would you please take off
your sunglasses? It's embarrassing.

I can't believe
you dragged me down here.

What kind of sad people
eat in cafeterias?

Hello, hello! Wilhelmina!

Well, well. Scooch over there a second,
would you, please?

- Thank you.
- Wow, Claire! What a nice surprise.

- This is my daughter, Nico.
- Hello, Nico.

Hello.
- It's nice to meet you, dear.

Surprised to see you
down here, Wilhelmina.

What are you,
eating amongst the commoners?

You're too funny!

I would bust a rib
if I hadn't had them all removed!

Could we talk business
for just a minute?

We like the New York issue, but
we are a little concerned about sales.

Now, Cal has an idea, so try to
keep an open mind about this.

Get on with it, you old bag.

Well, every book or movie
I see these days is about vampires.

It just... It's a total cash cow.

Now, what if we put a vampire
on the cover of Mode?

You've gotta be
kidding me.

Hmm.

So, the New York theme
becomes "Gothic Gotham. "

Keep the fashion,
but give our cover girl some fangs.

Worst idea ever.
Oh, wait, it's my turn to talk.

- I love it!
- You do?

Cal and I thought we might get
some pushback from you on this.

I know a great idea when I hear one.

Wilhelmina Slater is
and will always be a team player.

I am crazy for Tater Tots. You want one?

Uh, I don't know
if that can be called grief eating.

- You're in way too good of a mood.
- You know what? I am.

I've been going to hear this guy
give these inspirational talks, and...

- Yeah?
- I don't know. He's kind of great.

He teaches you
how to cope with all sorts of stuff.

Addiction, divorce. Mmm.

If you're curious, there's actually a talk
this afternoon about losing loved ones.

Wow, "the Community of the Phoenix.

"Rise up from the ashes
of your life and soar!"

You think it's cheesy, New Agey?
I know, I know. Forget the brochure.

It's really been helping me
work through some stuff.

Okay, you just scoffed at me.

I'm not, not scoffing.

Okay, whatever. You know what?
Never mind.

You're probably
not ready for it anyway.

Oh, and what makes you think
I'm not ready?

Of course I'm ready!
Besides, what can it hurt, right?

Right.

- Hi, Hilda.
- Shh!

Hi! Do you remember that Halloween
when I was the sexy superhero?

Remember all those guys
were groping me?

Yeah.
That was the year I went as DNA.

Oh, yeah, that was sad.
Anyway, where are those sassy boots?

- Why?
- I am gonna text Archie

a sexy picture of myself, you know,
put a little air in his tires.

Hilda, sexting?

What, please!
It's not like I'm gonna be nude.

It's gonna be tasteful, PG-13.

I'm not giving away the whole
fruit basket, Betty, just the nectarines.

Classy. The boots are in the attic.
I've gotta go, bye.

Bye!

While you were on your personal call,
I finished the Trends column.

Oh!

You cut the whole intro?

You know what? I don't miss it.
Good idea.

Great idea.

- What?
- Nothing.

It's just that it's bad enough I have to
watch you get promoted above me

without having
any knowledge of fashion,

but now I have to have your ineptitude
rubbed in my face.

You know what, Marc? I'm not gonna
keep having this argument with you.

I know I'm not perfect, but Daniel and
Wilhelmina picked me for a reason.

Yeah. Daniel's name is on the building
and you two are lovers.

You know, I have half a mind
to march into Daniel's office right now

and put this issue to rest
once and for all.

I would love to see
the look on your face

when Daniel says they gave me the job

because they thought I would be
a better editor than you.

Okay, I would love to hear him
say those words.

- Fine!
- Fine!

Fine!

- No, you're both so qualified, it was...
- Just give us the truth.

Your vote trumped Wilhelmina's, right?
Because you're a Meade.

Or was it simply that
I had more potential as an editor?

It was a very
hard decision for us to make.

Why are you
sparing their feelings, Daniel?

We tossed a coin.

And you got your job, Betty,
because you were tails.

Now, you know I wanted you in this job.

The coin toss, it's the only way
to break the impasse.

I know, I know. It's just,
the only thing keeping me going

was the feeling
that I actually deserve this.

Betty, wait, wait, wait.
You do deserve this, believe me.

Yeah, I know. I know.

Good. Look, I have to run
to my layout meeting.

- Are you sure you're gonna be all right?
- Yeah. Yes.

All right.

Hey, Tails!
I'm so happy that we cleared that up.

You're not better than me,
you're just lucky!

You're nothing more than tails,
the buttocks of a quarter.

Oh! Hey, guys.
Betty, how's your article going?

Great! I've already set up
a bunch of interviews

with some of the toughest
working people in the city,

and I'm going down there
to see firsthand.

Great, and while you're down there,

why don't you see if they'll let you
actually do some of the jobs?

Oh! Okay, like a first-person piece?

Yeah, and you should wear all
the humiliating clothes that they wear.

Take lots of pictures of it
to document the whole thing.

That's a great idea, Marc.

See, some people just know
how to think like an editor.

Can you get my messages
for me, please?

Thank you.

Hello, Mr. Candidate!
Did you get the picture that I sent you?

- Yes, I got it, and so did everyone else!
- What?

You hit "Reply all" to one of
my campaign emails, Hilda!

That picture went
to my entire distro list!

Oh, my God!

Hello? Hey, Hilda!

Hilda,
this is the absolute worst thing

that could happen at this point
in my campaign.

- This is terrible.
- Just checking my e-mail.

Archie, Archie, you've gotta get that
e- mail back. I'm not decent!

I can't get it back! And now everyone,
including the kids I volunteer with,

are opening up their e-mails
and finding a picture of your boobs!

"Lgnacio Rules. "

I can't talk right now, okay?
Just meet me later, okay?

- Okay.
- Hey, I got something from you!

It's a picture!
Where are my reading glasses?

No!

- Hey, Lexie, how about a cup of coffee?
- Oh, yeah, I'd love one, thanks.

Um... Okay.

- Finished your fact-checking.
- Thanks.

So, you're getting her coffee now?

Yeah, you know what? I don't think
it's working out so well with Lexie.

Which is weird because I'm usually
such a good judge of character.

- Yeah.
- I picked you, didn't I?

Ah! No, not exactly.
Your father picked me.

Precisely so that you wouldn't do
what you always do,

which is hire an assistant
that you want to sleep with.

- Really?
- Is that why you hired me?

- Hey, Lexie!
- You're disgusting!

No, no. No.

Oh, my God,
I didn't know she was right there!

Do you want me to go
say something to her?

No, you're busy. My problem.
I can handle it.

Lexie, I really need to apologize to you.

You heard something out of context
and I really want you to know

that's not the reason I hired you.

And I promise you,
the more you get to know me,

the more you'll realize
I'm just not like that, okay?

- What is wrong with you?
- No, no. No!

You think you can just grab me?

It was an accident.
I was trying to reach for your shoulder.

- You dirty old man!
- No, no, Lexie, I'm sorry!

Old? What...

- Tails!
- Will you stop doing that?

Come on, it's time for you to do
the 10 worst jobs in New York City!

Mr. Badlani? Hi, I'm Betty Suarez.

We spoke on the phone.
I'm here to be your hot dog hostess.

"Taj Ma Hot Dog.

"Delicious meat-substitute hot dogs. "

- Sounds tasty.
- Thank you.

Now, I know it's chilly today,

but it can get mighty sticky inside
that hot dog suit.

I'm sorry,
there's an actual hot dog suit?

Oh, just when I thought this day
couldn't get sweeter.

Now, which one of you
is going to be the wiener

and which one is going to be the bun?

- What?
- It's a two-man costume.

You can't have a wiener
without the bun.

Oh!

- You heard the man.
- No!

You wear the stupid costumes.
It's your article. You're the editor.

You're right, Marc, I am the editor.

And while I've been doing the hardest
jobs in New York all day long,

you have been doing nothing at all!

But you heard Wilhelmina,
I'm in charge.

So suit up 'cause I'm the boss,
and you're the bun!

- Well, what do you think?
- You look great.

But please don't eat
in front of the customers.

A hot dog eating a hot dog?
It freaks them out.

Okay. Well, what do I do?

Greet customers?
Hand out some coupons?

That doesn't seem so hard.

Ow!

Sometimes that happens.

- Now where is my bun?
- Bun, we need you!

We can't have a hot dog without a bun!

Aw, there you are!

Unlike you, Betty, who wears
ridiculous get-ups on a daily basis,

I have a reputation to protect.

Come on, Marc, you look adorable.
Good enough to eat!

- What the hell is that?
- It's the hot dog music!

Come on, I'll show you the dance steps.

Hmm.

It still doesn't read "vampire" to me.

Maybe sharper fangs and

maybe we should add some blood
to the front of the dress.

Oh, I agree! Good idea, Claire.
Mmm-hmm.

Don't you dare.

- Nico! What are you doing?
- It wasn't on purpose! I...

Don't you have enough blood
on your hands?

Mom, do not get all pissy with me just
because you hate this vampire idea.

God, it's not my fault!

Actually, it is.
I'm hanging on by a thread,

doing everything I can to keep my job.

Because without my job,
I can't help you.

It's all for you. So I'm making nice,

even though this vampire shoot
is ridiculous!

Ridiculous?
What happened to loving the concept?

I do! I am 100% on board. Team player!

We ran this idea by you
because we wanted your blunt opinion.

Well, how the hell am I supposed
to give you my honest opinion

knowing that Isabelle Besset
can replace me any minute?

I had a feeling you might have
heard about that.

- You want to know the truth?
- Yes.

This is juvenile.

You put this on the cover,
and it damages the brand.

Mode does not follow trends,
we set them.

All right. I'll talk to Cal.

- You're agreeing with me?
- Yes.

And now you do something for me.
Trim the budget.

Start by cutting 10 pages of content.

Oh! And, Wilhelmina? Just do your job,

while you still have it.

Okay, five, six, seven, eight!

As much as I love
giant wieners flying at me,

- this is a little outside my comfort zone.
- You didn't even try to catch me, Marc!

It's not my fault you can't count.
You were two full measures early!

- Oh, now I can't count.
- No, you can't count.

And you can't dance. And you certainly
can't edit a fashion magazine.

What is it with you, Marc?

You know, if the coin toss
would have gone the other way,

if you would have been promoted,
I would have just been happy for you.

- Why can't you just be happy for me?
- Why should I be happy for you?

Yeah, of course the coin
landed on you.

You're like the luckiest person
in the world!

You have a great job, great family.

Multiple attractive men have
wanted to date you, God knows why.

I can't catch a break.
I'm always the bun.

- Come on, Marc, it's not that bad.
- Don't "happy Betty" me!

You want to talk thankless jobs
in New York City?

Try being Wilhelmina Slater's gofer
for five years!

And the worst part of it is,
I could have been editor

at the magazine whose name
shall not be mentioned.

I could have been prot?g? to the most
fashionable man in publishing.

My style icon, Dante Nelli Jr.

Yes?

You grabbed her boob?
- No, I didn't grab it.

- I just... I sort of... I grazed it.
- Daniel!

It was an accident!
I was going to apologize!

We don't care
how bad an assistant she is,

if you grabbed, grazed
or looked sideways at that boob,

you cannot fire her.

You'll have a big lawsuit
on your hands.

I'm so, so sorry.
I feel terrible about this!

The last thing
I wanted to do was hurt you.

- I just, I didn't think...
- That's right, Hilda. You didn't think.

I know you didn't mean
for this to happen,

but do you know what photos
like this do to campaigns?

This is a big embarrassment for me!

Well, nobody could be
as embarrassed about this as me!

It's my picture people are talking about!

Well, then why did you do it?

You've been so busy lately,
I just wanted us to be closer!

You know, I wanted you to be
excited about us again!

I'm sorry
if I'm an embarrassment to you.

- I'm surprised you remembered me!
- Of course I do.

It's not often that someone
refuses a job from us,

but you said
you had to pursue your dream,

which apparently is selling hot dogs.

Oh! Uh...

No. I don't work here. I'm still at Mode.

They finally made you editor?

Ah. Still picking up
Wilhelmina's dry cleaning.

Actually, Marc was so valuable at Mode

that we just added him
to the features department.

We're doing a story right now
on the hardest jobs in New York.

That's why we're in
these crazy costumes.

Features? Well, good for you.
Congratulations.

You know, I like to stay current
with up-and-coming young editors.

Brunch sometime?
Have your assistant set it up.

- Actually, she's not...
- I would be happy to.

- You didn't have to do that.
- I know.

- Thanks.
- I just figured you were due

for a change in luck.

It's you.

Emergency editors' meeting
at 4:00 p. m.

- That's in seven minutes!
- Well, we have to get back to the office!

I'll get the cab.
You go back to Mr. Badlani,

tell him, and get our clothes.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hold the door!
Thank you!

Come on, hurry! Where's my clothes?

Um, I might have accidentally
trashed them.

- What?
- In my defense,

I was sort of hating you at the time.
Here, let me...

- Don't help me!
- Betty, don't be like that.

You know, every single time

I think there's a glimmer of
a decent person in there,

you always seem to prove me wrong.

And now I get to go back to the office
dressed like a hot dog,

where everybody already thinks
I'm a joke. Thank you!

Close the door, please!

Why do we have to accept
that our loved ones are gone?

They're with us always,
and if we deny that,

it'll only prolong our pain.
So I say, reject acceptance.

You don't agree with me?

You don't want to be here, do you?

- No, he doesn't.
- Yes, I do.

I'm offering you a chance at an elevated
relationship with someone you lost,

but you can only achieve
that connection

when you're honest with yourself
about what you want.

And you can't even be honest with me.

Or can you? Do you want to be here?

Fine. I don't want to be here.

Congratulations.
You just healed a part of yourself.

- You're scoffing at that?
- I wasn't scoffing.

He was, he was scoffing.
He's been doing it all day.

- Stop it.
- What? I'm trying to help you.

Fine. Yes, I was scoffing, but come on.

"Honesty heals"? Don't you think
that sounds a little simplistic?

Well, people have always
underestimated the power of simplicity.

Tell you what, go and try
being honest in your daily life,

exactly when you think
you shouldn't be.

And if I'm right and it frees you up
in some way, come back.

And if it doesn't, fine.

Accept that the person you love
is gone forever and good luck with that.

Amanda, can we talk?

I need to tell you something
and it's kind of a secret.

- What is it?
- Come here.

No, closer.

Closer.

Mmm. Amanda, you're such
a good kisser!

It's just a hot dog suit.

Look, do you know
if the editors' meeting started yet?

Amanda?

Have you seen... Have you seen Betty?

Betty? Listen, Wilhelmina is cutting
10 pages of content for budget.

Everyone is fighting
to keep their stuff in.

I look ridiculous!
Do I have time to change?

If you want to save your article,
we'd better get in there quick.

Lexie, can you get the Book
from the art department, please?

Get it yourself.
You know how to grab things.

Wait, Lexie. Lexie, hey.

Let me be totally honest with you.

The only reason I hired you
is because you're hot.

In fact, you're crazy hot.

And I'm a man who likes to look
at a beautiful woman. So, sue me.

No, no, he's just kidding.

No, no, no, don't, don't sue him.
Daniel, what are you doing?

I'm telling the truth.
You're not right for this job, Lexie.

You're mean, you're impatient,

you walk around
as if everyone's below you,

and they are
because you're 20 feet tall.

You're not an assistant, Lexie.
I think you would make a terrific model.

- A model?
- Yeah, think about it.

You shouldn't be behind a desk.

You should be sprawled across a desk,

dressed in skin-tight couture, looking
hungry on the cover of a magazine!

Oh, God.

You know, I always thought
I was too pretty to be a secretary,

but girls always hated me
when I said it out loud.

Okay, well say it, then.
Say, "I am a model. "

I am a model!

Thank you! I have to go
tell everyone that I know now.

Wow.

What the hell was that?

Honesty.

I'm sorry, Jill. You can't convince me
that leggings are pants.

Your article's out. Who's next?

Whatever that is, it's cut.

Wait, wait, doesn't Betty get a chance
to defend her article?

- Everybody else did.
- All right. You have 30 seconds, go.

Okay, my article is about
the toughest jobs in New York.

Seems a little dry.

Maybe it could use some mustard.

I'm sorry, Betty,
I don't see it fitting in Mode.

Maybe I had to be there.

Wait, Willie! But you could be
if we recreated it for you!

- What are you doing?
- I'm saving you. Come on, dance!

That was the most humiliating thing
I've ever seen.

Yes, these uniforms are ridiculous,

but this whole city is full of uniforms.

And inspiration for fashion
comes from the most unlikely places.

Like bike messengers in bright Lycra.

Or the epaulets
on a policeman's uniform.

Trash collectors
were wearing jumpsuits

way before they showed up
on every runway last spring.

Also, look at these funny pictures
of Betty wearing the uniforms.

I can't run those pictures.

Then instead of Betty,
picture a supermodel.

Hmm. Congratulations, Betty. You're in.

Wow. I mean, look how good
these came out.

Oh! Here's Lexie pulling the pedicab.

Yep, the camera loves
"Lexie, like sexy. "

I have no idea what I was thinking
hiring her as my assistant.

I mean, come on, that was something
old Daniel would do.

Come on, you made a mistake.
You're only human.

So, why is it you'll cut me some slack,
but you won't do the same for yourself?

What do you mean?

I mean, this is your first piece
for the magazine as editor,

and it's a great spread.

- You're not even the least bit excited.
- I'm excited!

But?

It's just, I've been
fighting and fighting with Marc,

trying to prove to him
that I deserve to be the editor.

And then he's the one
who saved the day.

Betty, this whole piece was your idea.

Why don't you know you're good
at this? You're great at this.

I don't know,
maybe because I was tails.

Look, Betty, some people get the job
because of the flip of a coin, all right?

Some people get the job because
their father owns the company.

It doesn't matter how you get it.
It matters what you do with it.

Hilda, can I borrow you?
This will only take a minute.

I'll be right back.

And now
to candidate Archie Rodriguez.

Now, a lot of hubbub has been made
over a certain photo of my girlfriend.

And I just wish the press
would stop showing this photo.

- That's not my best angle.
- Just watch.

Everyone's been asking me
if I want to apologize to the voters.

But the truth is, the only person who
deserves an apology is my girlfriend.

She had her privacy invaded, and
I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding.

As for the voters, they're just gonna
have to accept the fact

that my girlfriend is sexy.

And I will not apologize for that.

Archie! I can't believe you did that!

Yeah, and we got the latest polls.
And thanks to your sexy picture, Hilda,

I'm more popular than ever.
I'm in the lead!

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, that's fantastic!

Oh, my God, Archie, you're gonna win!

Wait, now? I have customers.

They can wait.

Mrs. Ramirez,
I'll be back in 11 minutes!

I brought us a treat. Frozen yogurt!

Chocolate! My favorite!

Mine, too.

Mmm.

Frozen yogurt in the middle of the day?
What's the occasion?

Momma is keeping her job.

Isabelle Besset turned it down.
And for the life of me, I don't know why.

You would think that Mode
would be a step up from French Elle.

Well, I heard she got a call
from an editor at French Mode.

Something about how difficult
Claire and Hartley are to work for.

Hmm.

I don't remember bribing
anyone from Mode France.

You?

You devious little minx!

I guess all those years
at French boarding school paid off.

Mom, I'm just so sorry
about dragging you into all this.

And I figured after all
you've done for me, I owe it to you.

Oh, Nico, my darling daughter,
I would do anything for you.

And I have a feeling
everything is gonna be all right.

Oh! I thought you swore
you'd never get me coffee.

Don't get too excited,
I put it on your card.

Oh! I want to show you
the final edit of the article.

You know, Betty,
you're a great writer and all,

but I'm not exactly
in a reading mood right now.

- Can you just give me the summary?
- Can you just read the top?

You're sharing your byline with me?

In five years at Mode,
I've never had a byline.

Why are you so nice to me?

Either one of us
could have gotten this promotion.

And right before Daniel told me,
he had this look on his face,

and I thought,
"That's it, they're giving it to Marc. "

I was sure of it. I mean, I say
I would have been happy for you,

but I don't know.

You would've been happy.

- Were you just about to hug me?
- Shut up, no.

- You were about to hug me!
- Okay.

Listen, can we talk about this byline?
Shouldn't my name come first?

Don't push it.