Ugly Betty (2006–2010): Season 3, Episode 19 - The Sex Issue - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
Ok I need to say something

And this is really hard

You know in situations like these

It's best to just take a deep breath and say it

Grimaldi's pizza's slightly superior than Lombardi's, you win

Never challenge me when it comes to pizza cause you will always lose

My dollar please

What's this?

Open it and see

It's a hair put

Matt ..



Saw it and I thought of you, Bee for Betty

The stones aren't real or anything

I mean they're real, they're just not .. You know ..

It's beautiful, I love it

I wanted to get you something in honor of our monthiversary

Has it been a month already?

You know, you don't always have to bring me back to Queens

Well that's where my queen lives

Dad!

Made by Nazel
[email protected]

I'm so sorry

I didn't realize you two were out here

Hi Matt

Hello Mr. Suarez



I was on my to the Bianco's see if I could borrow their cooler to go on this trip

I made them sugar cookies

On what trip?

My dad is taking Justin to a cabin in the Poconos with Elena and her nephews

Oh that should be cool

Yeah cool

Oh ok, I'll see you kids later

- Sorry
- That's okay

You don't have to walk me all the way in

What can I say .. I'm a nice guy

Hey I had fun tonight

Oh me too

Thank you, thanks for dinner!

It was delicious

Papi!

Oh no! I'm so sorry

It's okay, I have a hard head

How are you doing Mr. Suarez?

Good, good, how are you councilman?

I'm good

Good .. Good!

Well I guess I should be getting home

I'll see you tomorrow

Oh ok, oh ok

Goodnight

Bye

Bye! For now

So another date huh?

Things are going good between you guys

I guess

Hilda, how was your date?

You guess? Why aren't you more enthusiastic?

Archie is a great guy

I know papi okay?

I like him, I'm just not sure if I LIKE him yet

Hilda, that's like saying you're not sure you like Sirloin steak, it's crazy

Mum, Do I really have to go camping with grandpa and Elena?

Yes! Elena's nephews are dying to meet you

And they planned the whole thing with you and Mike

They planned it with me and Mike to be at a spa

With mud baths and ginger facials

You're going

There'll be plenty of mud

-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-

Connor?

Connor?

Okay guys, with Mode's first ever sex issue on the stand in just 3 days

It might seem like the hard work's over

But it's not

In order to get new advertisers and keep the old ones

We have to make sure our overnight numbers kill

That means using every resource we can to get people talking

You know, fire them up

Oh Daniel, we could do a tying with modernway.com

Bring it!

Great! See, that's an awesome idea

I think you people know how important this issue is

Pardon me, I had a late night

Here's some more coffee for you

You all know what to do, let's get to it

Ok, you are going to laugh

I just got off the phone with the Olsen's twins

Apparently they feel just awful that they didn't include you

In their big "influence" cokie table book

So they would love it, if you would be a part of their next book

"More influence"

Willy

Willy?

Oh my god, oh my god! She's dead, She's dead!

Stop your shrieking Marc, I was just taking a nap

But your eyes were ..

I haven't slept in weeks

I just wake all night, feeling so tense

Well naturally, look at your desk, it's a mess

Maybe something else is on your mind?

Yes getting a good night sleep is on my mind

I can't even take a sleeping pill because of that damn baby

Marc, I need help

Of course you do

And I am here for you

What the hell do you think you're doing?

I meant I needed you to hire a night nanny

Oh ok, well I'll get right on it

But Willy

Aren't there maybe some other night needs, that aren't being met?

Willy, Willy?

Agh, this is so weird

Hey Betty, I've got a web thing

What do you think about "fun sex versus boring relationship sex"?

You can write about all the boring things you do with what's his name

- Matt
- Whatever

And I can write about all the fun things I'm gonna do

With whatever guy I meet tonight

How about the modern-day mating rituals

You know something a little less personal

Ooh you slut! Why? What are you hiding?

Matt's into kink isn't he?

Is he your loving pig? Does he like ice cubing?

- Ice what?
- Cubing

No, Matt is into normal things I think

Oh my god, are you actually saying that you haven't tapped that yet?

No, but we're definitely headed in that direction

We just haven't got there yet

This is none of your business

But Betty you have been dating for like a year

- A month
- Exactly

And he's a billionaire and for some reason he seems to be into you

What the hell are you waiting for?

Betty are you wearing the La Fleur?

Maybe ..

Ooh what's the special occasion?

Matt and I have a date and I was kinda hoping tonight will be the night

Hoping? if you're ready just tell him

Well it's not that easy, I mean I've never had to do that before

With Henry and Walter it just kinda happened

Oh yeah, well some guys need more of a push

Let me see your bra

What?!

Aye, papi jeez, you're going camping for two days not two weeks

I know! He can bring six cans of bug sprays

But I can't bring a blow dryer

There's no electricity

Oh dear god!

Hey we hit the road at 5am

You girls up for an early breakfast?

Well I know I'll be there

I have a date with Archie so I should be in bed by 9

Haha good! How about you Betty?

Actually, I .. Matt and I are gonna have a late dinner

That's alright, I'll just come in and give you a little kiss before we leave

Papi, I think that I'm gonna stay in the city tonight

You know, get some work on my web article done

How can you stay in the city, you don't have a place there anymore

Jeez, papi, she's spending the night with her boyfriend

Even I knew that, she's wearing lip gloss!

Okay, I'll just see you when I see you, bye

- Have fun!
-Bye!

Hey Daniel, can I ask you something?

What do you think of me doing a poetry slam?

Oh you're serious

Yeah I've been writing poetry for years

And I never had enough to perform any of it

And it's something I've always wanted to do

Then you should definitely do that

You don't think it sounds crazy?

I didn't say that

Hey!

Well seriously I think that's brave

You couldn't pay me enough to get up in front of people and perform

Why?

Just a horrible scarring, High school rock band experience

Oh my god! You were in a band? What did you play?

Guitar, sort of, I thought I was really good, I was really bad!

What happened?

Umm I had to write this incredibly cheesy song "Crash and Burn" it was called

For the battle of the bands at school

I was laughed off the stage

You would've laughed too though, especially if you'd seen my hair

I wanna see a picture

Oh no forget it, I don't wanna ruin your perfect image of me

Too late

Ok, Mr. prot?g? piano guy, how's this one?

That was it, that was it! That was a perfect A-flat

Shut up! You're a bad liar

No, I'm not lying, I'm still deafened from when you did your C-sharp

Hey!

Guess I should get you a cab

Or I could come upstairs and take a peek at your new wall color

Hahaha .. That's funny, oh wait here comes one, taxi!

No, Matt, I'm not expected home ..

There you go, alright I'll call you later, bye!

That guy couldn't get rid of you fast enough!

Thanks Archie that's sweet, ok, talk to you later

Agh, what kind of a guy calls an hour after a date to say he had a good time

I think he's a little too into me

He spent all night touching my arm, and trying to hold my hand

Oh poor Hilda! Nice guy can't keep his hands off of you, how awful!

Excuse me, what is your problem?

My problem is that you've been complaining about Archie

Since the two of you started seeing each other

He's so into me, he calls just to say nice things

If it bothers you that much, then why don't you just break up with him?

Maybe you're right, I tried to do the nice guy thing

What can I say, he's just not my type

What are you doing home anyway, I thought tonight was supposed to be like the night

Well apparently, it wasn't

What happened?

Nothing, nothing happened

I tried to make it very clear that I wanted to stay over

And he just laughed and put me in a cab

Well maybe he misunderstood your signals

You're very subtle, that's your style

Rule number 1, never be subtle

I don't know, I mean, I think subtlety works sometimes

Yeah maybe 100 years ago, in like the 1950's

But trust me, these days, bolder is better

So what, a girl's just supposed to come out and say it?

You know, like I want to ..

You know, I mean not everybody can do that

Oh my god! Still dry in Betty county?

Still non of your business Amanda!

Exactly! Betty in honor of us once being roommates

I'm going to personally teach you how to be sexy

Well you know, as sexy as this can be

I will show you some of my no-fail moves

Admit it Betty, you need a little help in this department

It'll be great for our article

- Well
- Woooo

Get ready, Betty, sex train is coming

Agh how lame

How cool, a poetry slam?

Yup Molly's super excited and I've been so busy

trying to keep this company together

I just really want it to be a great night for her

Well I'll definitely be there, I love poetry

It was one of my favorite classes in college

- Really?
- Yeah

Maybe you should read this

I think it's pretty good although I'm not much of a poetry person

Softly caressing waves, good title ..

Wow, wow

Wow what, wow good or wow bad

Just wow! I'm impressed that Molly's reading this, it's very personal and intimate

It is? I thought it was about the ocean

Daniel, the ocean is a metaphor for you and her, and the two of you ..

Softly caressing ..

Wow, I mean I totally missed that, are you sure?

Pretty sure, I lay my head on the soft pale sand breathing in his salty scent

Is that supposed to be my chest?

And I'm pretty sure that the rock is your head

How do you know it's my head?

Cause it's crying?

What? Rocks don't cry

Wow, it's so weird to be back here

I know right? I miss the me it was with us

Okay, we're ready for operation Betty sexification

Amanda, I thought it was just gonna be us girls

- It is
- You can thank us later by taking us to lunch

Agh, this is an impossible deadline

Matt's gonna be here in two hours

God, where do we even begin, look at her

Umm yeah, this is a toughie, we have to stay calm

The key is to come at your target using all six senses

Sound, smell, taste, touch, sight and style

Well technically style is ..

Shhh! We have to work fast and furious if we're gonna make it in time

Now, pay attention

First sense sound

Next sense, smell

Taste

Show him your lips are available and open for business

Eat slowly and seductively

- Touch
- Ignite his pleasure center with a soft graze

Sight and style

Now the art of the seductive hair flick

Ok, put this on

- Now, what about those braces can those come off?
- No

Can we at least lose the glasses?

I kind of need them to see

My concern is what he's going to see

Oh and don't forget about this

A ladle? What's this for?

You'll know when the time comes

I can't believe I'm saying this but Betty Suarez is getting some strange tonight

- Hey thanks guys
- Go get him tiger

Where did he go?

Where are you?

Who the hell are you?

I'm your new night nanny

The new night nanny?

What was that brawling?

Oh I was reading William Goldilocks and the three bears

I guess I got a little roarrr, carried away

I'm Sorry if I woke you up

I'm James by the way

Carry on James

This place is even better than last night

We'll have two orders of that please

You have got to try this dish, it's killing

Oh?

Don't move, you just look really pretty in that light

Oh thank you

And now you moved and it's gone

Kidding it's still on

Listen Archie, I think maybe ..

Archie? Archie I thought that was you how are you?

I'm, I'm good, real good

Hilda, this is Felicia, she and I used to be neighbors

Oh well we used to be more than that

Biggest mistake I ever made was letting this one slip through my fingers

I thought I take a little break to make you flash cards and seduce you

Oh god I love your chest so warm and cozy

So I finally had a chance to read your poem

You did? What did you think?

Yeah it's great

Had some thoughts from an editorial perspective if you want

That would be great, I would love your professional opinion

I'll go grab it

Got it right here

Wow you made a lot of notes

No no, I just kinda jotted down some ideas

Like um, instead of softly caressing,

Maybe the waves should be hard and crashing

And should this rock really sprout tears?

It seems exaggerated

I mean I would buy it if the rock maybe shed a single tear once

Or you could just lose the image all together

Ok, you wanna tell me what this is really about?

I know this poem is about us, you know ..

Having sex ..

Yeah .. So?

So you're gonna read this in public

Like in front of people I work with, it's embarrassing

I see

Well the last thing I wanted to do is embarrass you

Molly come on

No it's fine, I'll just read something else

I should get back to work

You always did know how to make me laugh

I swear the biggest mistake I ever made was letting this guy slip through my fingers

Yeah, you mentioned that

Felicia, maybe we should get started on our food before it gets cold

Oh my god! I didn't even notice, what a jerk

- It was so nice meeting you
- Yeah, you too

Call me sugar

I'm sorry, Felicia is a bit of a talker

I know! I was like hello, we're on a date here

Come in!

Hello

Oh hey Matt I'll be right out I'm just changing out my work clothes

Okay

Wow this place is cool

Now I can see why you were so bummed out when you had to give it up

Uh, you know we should really get going if we're gonna make that movie

What's your hurry soldier?

Wow you look great, but the movie starts in like 20 minutes

You should probably get dressed

Actually, I was thinking

Maybe we could just stay in tonight and relax

Oh I made mojitos, want one?

Uh, I'm not really a mojito kinda guy

Oh okay, well then, we could just get comfortable

And sit, we could sit

Oh look what you found

Sorry, here

We should probably just go to that movie

Or we could stay here and you know, be together ..

Betty, I can't do this

Matt, where are you going?

Betty I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me

- Wow, that was .. Wow
- I know

- I did not expect that to happen
- Me neither

I .. To be honest I actually thought you were gonna break up with me

- I totally was
- You were?

Yeah, if Felicia hadn't stopped by and interrupted me,

This evening would've gone a hell of a lot differently

So what made you change your mind?

Huh? I don't know

You weren't gonna give me a chance until you saw another woman was into me

What? That is not true

Okay, alright maybe it is a little bit, I usually go for that kinda guy, you know

Right .. So do I need Felicia to interrupt everyday to get you in the mood?

Cause that would be, you know, pretty complicated foreplay

No, but a little tattoo on your back wouldn't hurt

You know what, I'm gonna go

Excuse me what just happened here?

Thanks for a memorable night

I was just kidding

So that is your idea of a qualified child care professional?

Oh my god, he's completely qualified

He's a former model and he's done diaper commercials

Ok honestly, I thought that manny poppins might help you get your groove back

You know, so that you can sleep better

What are you implying? My groove is perfectly fine

Willy, I keep your appointments remember?

And I haven't scheduled you for one of your weekly "carwashes" since before Connor

And .. I just thought that James could wash your car for you

It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard

Oh come on, he's totally hot, he looks like Taye Diggs

What is it with white people and Taye Diggs?

Fine, I will call another nanny

Wait, he does already know the apartment

So he can stay .. For now

Oh and book me a Brazilian with Jonny

Oooh

Completely unrelated

It went horribly

What? Our moves didn't work? Impossible

Those moves are fabby

You must've done something wrong

Did you do the hair flick?

Or use the ladle

Guys don't worry, it wasn't your moves, it was me

The whole night was a disaster

I practically threw myself at him and he ran out the door

Running away from a girl screaming? That sounds like my prom night

Oh My god he's gay

- Or a virgin
- Or a woman

Umm that feels right

Well, I just, I wanna talk to him about it

But I can't because he just texted me and he's working through lunch

Um, that does not fly with me

If I were you I would march over to his office right now

And give him a piece of my mind

Oh Betty's not the type to do something like that

You know what, I'm going to

Wow, aren't you full of surprises

I just .. I can't take another second of replaying last night in my head

I'll go nuts, I just need to talk to him

Right after you buy us lunch

That's Matt's building

I don't know what I'm gonna say to him

What am I gonna say to him?

Oh well you better think fast cause Richie Rich just left the building

No, Amanda!

Someone's not working through lunch, we should follow him

No guys, I'm not gonna do that

Well if you don't, then we will

No, no, Amanda, Marc!

It's kinda silly, guys slow down

Oh god

This is stupid, why are we doing this

I know, I just wanna finish this episode of mex in the city

And get something to eat, my stomach is eating itself

The bagel has landed

Hey

Oh-my-god, he is totally two-timing you

There must be an explanation for this

Agh, let's get this show on the road, I'm starving

Betty?

Betty what are you doing here?

Oh it's a beautiful day

Matt, hey, hi

I didn't mean to follow you

I'm just still a little confused about last night and ..

If you're with her that's fine, I mean it's not fine but ..

Oh god, I wish I wasn't here right now

- I'm Helen
- My therapist

Why don't you join us?

Betty sorry I said I have to work through lunch

I just needed to see Helen

I don't know what I'm supposed to say

You can say, or not say anything you wanna say or not say

Ok ..

So um, about last night

Look Matt, it was my fault

I was trying to push you into doing something you obviously don't wanna do so ..

No, no, no, that's not it at all

Matt, it's fine, just tell me if you're not attracted to me

Or if you'd rather just stay friends

No, I am attracted to you

Well then was it

Oh god, this is so embarrassing

Why?

Oh, are you a virgin?

That's okay I don't really have that much experience either

Oh no, I've been with women

And kind of a lot of women

And really lot

Wow

Look, look I know this must sound weird

It's just, I've been kinda lonely my whole life

In the past Matt has used sex as a way to connect to people

So I made a contract with Helen that I wouldn't be with someone

Until I really connected with them first

And .. This amazing thing happened, I met you

And I started having all these feelings

And then when the sex came up I guess I just .. I just panicked

And how do you feel now?

Calm, I feel calm

Good

I'm so glad it's out in the open

And Betty how do you feel?

Great, I feel ..

Strange

Matt's been with hundreds of women?

Well he didn't say hundreds but he's definitely pointing in that direction

Man what a dog!

Not really helping, I know

No you're not, can we change the subject

Your car's coming to pick you up to take you straight to the poetry club from here

Great, you're coming right?

Yeah, I'll be there, I'm excited to hear Molly read her poem

Oh she's not gonna read that one anymore

Why? It's so beautiful

I asked her not to

What?

Well you saw what it was about

I can't exactly have her reading stuff about our sex life in front of everyone I work with

Daniel, sorry to break it to you

But your sex life has kinda been on display for years

Come on, that's different

Why? Because you don't mind people knowing that you're a playboy

But you don't want anyone to know that you cry when you're with the woman you love?

Okay, you're making me sound like an ass

Well you kind of are

I'm sorry, but Molly's sick, and she wrote a poem about how much she loves you

And she's brave enough to stand up in front of strangers and say that

You can be brave enough to let her

So we talked it through and Archie's coming over

Hilda, you called a guy back and apologized?

Wow, you must really like this Archie

I know! Something happened last night,

It's like we really .. We really connected you know

Can we maybe not talk about sex tonight?

Oh honey, you and Matt you're gonna be fine

I don't know Hilda

I mean a couple of days ago I was ready to spend the night

And now I hope it doesn't even come up

Honey he talked to his shrink about you

Obviously you're important to him

It's just complicated, now I'm one of hundreds

I don't feel very special

Agh wouldn't it be great if all of life's problems could be solved with good hair

Alright cover up

That must be Archie, come in

Felicia, what are you doing here?

I came to tell you to back off my man

Excuse me?

I decided I want Archie back

Oh, sorry you can't have him

No offense but you can't stop me

Archie loves him some Vanilla ice cream

Okay you know maybe ..

Well no offense, but I don't think Archie's gonna go back to vanilla

When he has tasted hot, melted, caramel surprise

What's the surprise? Your fat ass?

- Oh No you didn't
- No, no Hilda, she didn't mean that

Oh yes I did, and I also meant to do this

Oh bitch

How do you like that

- Hope you like eggs cause your head's about to look like one
- No, no

Is that all you got?

At least let me get these eyebrows

You're gonna hurt somebody

Stop, stop!

Are you crazy?

What the hell is going on here?

It's so chilly in here, do you mind if I start a fire?

Sure

Oh it looks like you have a little something on your shirt

Oh I guess the baby spit up a little

It's no big deal

Oh nonsense, let me wash it, I was just about to do a little laundry

Okay

- Thank you
- You're welcome, thank you!

Thank you, thank you

Hey hey, I'm really glad that we talked with Helen today

I mean it was weird, but I'm glad

Yeah yeah me too

Who's that?

Oh she works at the coffee shop near my apartment

Hey hey, it's the only place I know her from in case you're wondering

What? No, no, I wasn't wondering anything

Your shirt will be done soon

So in the mean time why don't we ..

- Are you okay?
- I'm fine

And there I sit wrapped oh so tight against the night

In my insecurity, like it

Molly, hey I'm so sorry about what I said before

This poem you wrote is beautiful and it's touching

And I'd be so proud to hear you read it tonight

You would?

Molly, you're up

Get em, take it

I'm just so angry at myself I knew I shouldn't have let Connor in

It was against every instinct I had

Now I can't get his stupid face out of my dreams

Shh, that's it, that's it, let it out

I don't wanna let it out, I just wanna have sex

Uh, I didn't, I didn't ..

Oh just take your pants off

I don't think what you need is sex

What I think you need is to find a way to close the door on this Connor guy

And focus on your baby

Well thank you James

I think you really helped me

And since we won't be having sex, now you're fired

Get out .. Out

Oh great thank you

Betty, Betty you're okay?

Sorry, I'm gonna go say bye to Daniel

Did you finally get rid of her?

Yeah and don't worry Felicia won't bother you anymore I promise

Oh I know

So what's going on here?

Yesterday you're not into me and today you're fighting for me

I thought I wasn't your type

Ok, I know it was a really dumb thing to say

Especially since my type hasn't really worked out for me so well

I just wanted to see what it would be like you know with a nice guy

Hilda I like you but I'm sorry to warn you I have a type too

I think I sorta go for the bad girls

You think I'm a bad girl?

Well maybe I'm a little bad but..

You loved it, two girls going at it over you

Please, I'm a grown man, I hardly think I need to get my thrills ..

- You loved it
- I know it was really hot

So what are we saying? We're giving us another chance?

Yeah

And oh by the way, I'm not always such a nice guy

I know

I'm home

Oh my god Imma start ringing the bell

I liked Molly's poem

Yeah

Does Daniel cry at work too?

Not everyday

So I guess I should get a cab

Wait Betty wait, I was thinking maybe you could come back to my place

See my new wall color, I mean if you want

Matt, I don't know

- You're freaked out
- Yeah

I just .. I wanted to be special and ..

I'm sorry but right now I just .. I feel like a number

You are! Number one

- Come on, Matt I'm serious
- No so am I

Betty, this would be the first time that I have ever been with a woman I really care about

So technically, you are my first

Aww, that's so corny and sweet

- I make myself nervous my hands are shaking
- No, don't worry, so are mine

This one goes out to the woman I love

A classic from my high school battle of the bands

We're driving down the highway

Cold wind in my hair

Just me and my special lady

We haven't got a care .. In the world

But the road ahead's uncertain, there'll be bumps along the way

And I know there'll be some hurting so I hit the gas and pray

Well I don't wanna crash and burn

Don't wanna go too fast

Wanna be with you, wanna see this through

I don't wanna crash and burn

Don't wanna go too fast

I want to be with you

Wanna make this last forever

And ever my lady

Made by Nazel

www.tvsubtitles.net

Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/v8rq
Help other users to choose the best subtitles