Ugly Betty (2006–2010): Season 3, Episode 1 - The Manhattan Project - full transcript

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Last Season On "Ugly Betty"...

He Says His Name Is Daniel.

You Are His Father.

She Has
A Crush On My Gym Teacher.

You're Telling Me That You're
Married? I Just Wanted You To Know

Because I Feel Like I'm Falling For You

. Oh,
Why Did I Agree To Have Wilhelmina's Baby?

Christina,
You Didn't Have A Choice.

I'm Going To Start
A Magazine.

I'm Going To Call It
"Hot Flash."

You're No Longer Editor-In-Chief Of
"Mode."



I Am. How Could You Do This To Me?

We'll Find Something Else
For You To Do,

But "Mode" Just Isn't It.
Come To Rome With Me.

Yes! What?
Will You Marry Me, Betty?

I Had A Choice
To Make Between Two Guys,

And I Was Torn.

And Then It Hit Me, Literally.

A Softball Hit Me.

I'm Sorry.
You're So Special To Me.

And As Much As I Love You, I'm
Just Not Ready To Marry You.

I Know How Much
You Care About Me,

And I Care About You, Too,

But Not In That Way,
And I Feel Like

If I Go To Rome With You, I'm
Just Gonna Be Leading You On.



There's Just So Much
That I Want To Experience

Before I Settle
Into A Relationship,

For My Life, My Career.

Mom...

You Never Got The Chance

To Find Out
Who You Were Without Us.

You Sacrificed Everything
So We Would Be Happy.

So I Have To Take
This Opportunity...

And Find Out Who I Am...

By Myself.

I Don't Know
What I'm Gonna Find,

But I Know Where I Can Start-

The Place
You Always Dreamt Of Going.

I Miss You.

Wish Me Luck.

* I Hear A Wind

* Whistling Air

* Whispering

* In My Ear

* Boy Mercury

* Shootin' Through
Every Degree *

* Oh, Girl, Dancin' Down
Those Dirty And Dusty Trails *

* Roam If You Want To

* Roam Around The World

* Roam If You Want To

* Without Anything
But The Love We Feel *

And This Is Me And Peg Eating
Clam Chowder In San Francisco.

That's A Woman?
Yes, She's A Woman.

Peg And The Girls Were
Bike Riding Cross-Country.

They Were So Inspiring.

All Of These Women
Had Survived Illnesses.

I Can't Wait
To Get Back To "Mode"

And Pitch Their Stories,
Along With A Lot Of Other Ideas.

This Is My Idea Binder. I
Started It When I Was On My Trip

Because I Have A Lot To Say
And A Lot That I Want To Do,

And I Feel So Empowered. Is That Why You
Have This Weird Blue Thing Around Your Neck?

Well, Yes, This "Weird Blue
Thing" Is My Power Animal.

It's A Dove.

It Represents The Feminine Energies Of Peace
And Maturity. Oh, Did Peg Give You That?

No.
She Said "Feminine Energy."

Okay, Okay. The Whole Point Is
That I Came Back With A Plan,

And I Want Dad To Hear This.
Where Is He? Dad! Right Here.

Welcome To Flushing Burgers.
May I Take Your Order?

You Got A Job?

Welcome Home, Mija.
How Was Your Trip?

Don't Change The Subject. When Did
You Get A Job? Hey, You Inspired Me.

When You Made That Big Decision
To Go On This Trip, I Thought,

Maybe I Should Start Cooking

Somewhere Other Than This
Kitchen. I'm So Proud Of You.

It Sure Feels Good To Be Back In
The Workforce. And I Like The Cap.

Yeah. It's...

Sparkly.

Justin. I Was Trying To
Put The You In Uniform.

You're Gonna Get Me In
Trouble. Now Fix It. No.

Are You Kidding Me, Papi? I Think
It's Sparkly, And It's Got Your Name...

Don't Be On His Side.
Just Put It Back... Guys!

I Have Created
A Plan For Myself,

And I'm Very Eager
To Share It With You,

So Fasten Your Seat Belts.

Number One-I Am Going To Take
On More Responsibility At Work

So That Within A Year,
I Get A Promotion. Yay!

Number Two-
I Am Not Going To Let

Any Romantic Entanglements
Get In My Way.

And Then Finally,
Number Three-

I'm Getting My Own
Apartment In The City. Whoo!

Dad, Slow Down. Come On.

Dad, Say Something, Please.

Mija, How Can You Afford
An Apartment In Manhattan?

I've Been Saving Up, And-And-
And I'm Really Good With Money.

I Know It's Not Gonna Be Cheap,
But I Can Do It.

I Don't Think You're Ready. I Am Ready,
Dad, And This Trip Has Helped Me Grow Up.

Look, Betty, Life Isn't Easy.
You Know That.

But You Don't Really Know
Until You Start Experiencing It.

Yes! Experiencing Things-
That's The Whole Point. You See?

Look, You Come Back With
All This Talk About Change

And Growing Up,
And It Just Makes You Sound...

What?
It Makes Me Sound What?

Well...

A Little Naive.

Naive?

Yeah.

Well, I'm Glad
I Have Your Support.

Betty...

...Between 37, 38.

Morning, Kim.

That's Your Daughter?

The One That Works At "Mode"
And Went On That Big Trip?

Yeah. Betty.
And Now She's Even Planning

On Getting An Apartment
In The City.

Okay, Jose.
We Don't Get Paid To Chitchat.

Corporate's Been All Up
In My Grill About Hygiene.

So Get Your Gloves On And Clean Those Nasty
Toilets. But I-I Thought I Was On Fryer Today.

Change Of Plan.
Urinal Cakes In The Back.

Okay, "Mode,"
Get Ready For Betty.

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Thank You For Calling
The New "Mode" Magazine.

How May I Direct Your Call?

Please Hold.

Welcome
To The New "Mode" Magazine.

How May I Direct Your Call?
Amanda.

Oh... My... God.

Oh, My God!

Oh, Betty!

Oh, I Forgot How Big
And Bright You Are.

What Are You Doing Here?

I Work Here.
My God, It's Freezing.

She Likes It That Way.
It Keeps Everyone Sharp.

She? Mandy, I'm Looking Out For
You, But You Gotta Look Busy,

Even If You're Doing Nothing,
Which Is One Of Your Strengths.

But-
Hey, Betty. Betty!

Oh, My God. Is It Real?

Am I Hallucinating?
Marc, Stop Touching Me.

It Is Real. Betty!
Aah!

Oh!
Betty!

Like A Long Lost Teddy Bear.
Mm. Furry.

Why Are You Guys
Being So Nice To Me?

Because You Remind Us
Of The Good Old Days

When You Were Here

And You'd Say Something Weird
Or Wear Something Hideous.

Oh, Like That Thing
Around Your Neck.

Oh, There's So Many Things We
Could Say About That. So Many.

Well, I'm Back,
So You'll Have Plenty Of Time.

Manolo Blahniks,
Fall 2008.

Only One Person In These Offices
Wears Those Shoes.

Everyone Look Busy!
Aah!

What?

Welcome
To The New "Mode" Magazine.

Daniel?

No! Must I
Do Everything Myself?

This Is Where
I Want The Window

Shining Light
On My Little Angel.

Oh, My. It's Back.

Where's Daniel?
Daniel No Longer Works Here.

What? It's Been Official
For Almost A Month Now.

I'm The Editor-In-Chief
Of "Mode,"

And This Office
Is Now A Nursery

Awaiting
The Birth Of My Child.

Well, Where's Daniel?

* Yeah, Rump Shaker

* All I Wanna Do Is
Zoom-A Zoom Zoom Zoom *

* And A-Boom Boom
* Just Shake Your Rump

* All I Wanna Do Is
Zoom-A Zoom Zoom Zoom *

* And A-Boom Boom
* Just Shake Your Rump

* All I Wanna Do Is
Zoom-A Zoom Zoom Zoom *

* And A-Boom Boom
* Just Shake Your Rump

Sortez De Ma Route!

* Just Shake Your Rump

Betty. Hey.

Welcome To Our New Home.

* Check, Baby,
Check, Baby, One, Two *

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So We're Working Here Now?

Yeah, Alexis And Wilhelmina
Pushed Me Out.

This Is Where I Landed. But,
Daniel, Isn't "Player" A Little...

Smutty?
This Is The Third Best-Selling

No Nudity Men's Magazine
In The Country,

And It's So Much More
My Speed.

I Mean, Don't I Look
More Relaxed?

Totally Relaxed.

Um, Is That A Mustache
You're Growing?

It's Cool, Huh?

Betty, Come On. I Swear
It's So Much Better This Way.

I Still Own My Third Of Meade,
But Now I'm In Charge Of

A Magazine
That Actually Speaks To Me.

Look At This.
You Know What It Says?

Uh, Beer Blast?

No, It Says,
"Cut Down On Your Hours.

Spend More Time
With Your Son."

You Know,
I'm Starting To Learn French.

D.J.'S Been Learning English From Late Night
Tv. Daniel, I've Been Gone For Almost A Month.

You Couldn't Have Called Me
And Told Me

That Any Of This
Was Happening?

Oh, I Did. Ginger.
Hmm?

How Many Messages Did We Leave
On Betty's Cell Phone? A Lot.

What Number
Were You Calling?

This Is Six Numbers
And The Letter "P."

I'm Pretty Sure That's Right. Well...
Hey. I Want You To Meet The Gang. Come On.

Everyone, Let's Gather Around.

There's Someone
I Want You To Meet.

Everyone,
This Is My Assistant Betty.

Why Are They Booing Me? Oh, It's
All In Fun. They Boo Everyone.

This Your Beeyotch?

It's Okay. That's A Code Name
For "Assistant."

So How Was Your Trip?

Um, It Was Amazing.
I'm So Excited To Be Back

And Take Some More
Responsibility At Work,

But I Kinda Thought That We
Would Be Doing That At "Mode."

Well,
You Can Do All That Here.

Okay. Yeah.
Great.

Okay. Uh, Daniel, Wait.
What Should I Get Started On?

Anything You'd Like.
Just Have Fun.

Ginger, Show Her
The Lay Of The Land.

Mm. I Was Once Voted
The Lay Of The Land. Hmm.

Love Your Perfume, Claire.

Musky.

Bite Me, Wilhelmina.

Alexis.

So I'm Confused.

Is This The Budget
For The New "Mode" Launch

Or The Next Harry Potter Film?

I Know The Marketing Numbers
Are A Teensy Bit High,

But We Are Pulling "Mode"
Out Of A Dark Cloud.

Meaning My Brother. Well, I
Didn't Want To Say Anything,

But This Magazine
Was Barely Scraping By

When Daniel Was Here.

This Is Our Opportunity
To Get The Word Out

That "Mode" Is
New And Improved.

I Can't Do It.

Alexis, Darling,
We Need The Splashy Ads,

The Giant Billboard
In Times Square.

The Giant Billboard
Belongs To "Hot Flash."

That Sinking Ship? Exactly
Why It Needs A Billboard.

You Already Have
A Name Brand To Work With.

"Hot Flash" Doesn't.

I'm Sorry, Wilhelmina.
I'm Cutting You Off.

W- Y-You. Wait.

You're-You're Cutting Me Off?

You're Cutting Me Off?

Hold It In. Hold It In.
Hold It In. Hold It In.

Think Wilhelmina's
Favorite Things-

Macaroons, Sade, Karl Rove.

Hold It. Hold It. Here We Go.
Here We Go. Here We Go.

Out, Out, Out, Out, Out.

Willie, Are You Okay?

Say Something, Damn It.

Do You Want Me
To Slap You? Okay.

That Won't Be Necessary.

That Sinking Ship Is Gonna
Throw Us A Life Preserver.

This Is The Year I Was Supposed
To Take On More, Get Ahead.

Daniel's
Got Me Doing Nothing.

So Maybe "Player" Magazine
Isn't Quite What You Expected,

But Neither Was "Mode"
When You Started. Yeah.

You Made That Work. I Guess
You're Right. Oh! There It Is.

Oh, Thank God For That.
I Am Freakin' Starving.

Although Fair Warning, Falafel
Sort Of Makes Me A Bit Gassy.

What? I'm A Pregnant Woman.

I Can Get Away With Saying Things
Like That. Christina, We're Not Eating.

What? Look. The Next Step In My Plan-

Get An Apartment
In The City.

Okay, Well, We Didn't
Even Make It Upstairs.

Eh, You'll See It Next Time.

Oh, Really?
Mm-Hmm.

Your Dad Pulling Any More
All-Day Shifts This Week?

I Don't Know.
Work's Been Kinda-

Papi!

That's Not Funny.

Sorry.

Okay.
Maybe That's A Little Funny.

Okay.
Don't Do That Again.

I Won't.
I Promise

Okay, What Is That?

Um,
That's My Wife's Ringtone.

Look, Maybe We Should...
Talk About Things.

Ay. No, No, No. I Don't
Want To Talk About It.

Yeah, And Where They're
Going And-

Hilda.

I Love Being With You.
I Do.

I- I Haven't Felt This Way
In Such A Long Time.

You Know,
I Went Through Something

That Was Really Hard...
I Know.

And I Just-I Just-
I Just Want To Be Happy.

I Don't Want
To Think About The Future.

Yeah, But The Future
Could Be Amazing Between Us.

I Told You How Bad
Things Are With Her.

I Mean, We Got Married
When We Were Both 20.

We're Not The Same People
Anymore. We Both Know It's Over.

Oh, My God.

It's Yellow.
Yeah, It Is.

It's Perfect. Betty, No. You
Don't Want To Say That Too Loud.

Someone Else Might Want It.

Too Bad About
The Murder That Happened

In The Apartment, Though, Hey?
One Bedroom. It's Pet Friendly.

Close To All Trains,
Tiled Bathrooms,

Plenty Of Closets. Look At The Price.
A Bit Expensive, Though, Isn't It?

Yeah, I Know, But Maybe I Could
Eat Ramen Twice A Week

Or-Or Do Some More Overtime.
It Would Be A Challenge.

I'm Ready For That.
That's What My Trip Taught Me.

I Can Take Any Challenge
Head-On And That I- Oh. Ooh.

Oh, My God, Christina.
Look. It's My Power Animal.

It's A Pigeon.

It's A Sign.

I Have To Do This.

I'm Meant To Do This.
Christina, I Have To Do This.

Okay, Betty. If You Think
You Really Want To Do It,

You've Got To Go Straight Over
To That Real Estate Agent,

And You've Got To Tell Her You Want This Apartment
Right Now. Okay. Yes, I Will. I'll Take It!

I'll Take It. What? Oh, No. No,
No. No. Excuse Me. I'm Sorry,

But This Apartment
Is Supposed To Be Mine.

I Mean, You Can't Just Give It Away Like
That, Can You? Welcome To The Big Apple.

You Want A Place, You Have To
Act Fast. Seriously, That Fast?

It's A Gut Thing, Honey.
I Have A Gut.

I- I Mean, I'm Ready.
I'm Ready For This.

I Just-
I Just Need An Apartment.

You Must Have Some Other Places
That You Could Show Me.

Well, There's Something Else
In This Building.

It Hasn't Come
On The Market Yet.

Okay. Uh, Is It-Is It Nice?
Exactly Like This One,

But A Higher Floor,
So Even Better.

Sexy Views. That Sounds
Amazing. Can I See It?

I Can't Legally Show It Till
The Agency Lists It Tomorrow,

And Technically, I'm Supposed
To Have An Open House

Like This One, And You Saw How Fast
- I'll Take It!

Oh, No. I Don't Know. Um, Are You Sure? Yes, I'm
Sure. My Power Animal Is Sitting In The Window.

I'll Take It. All Right, Signed
Lease, First, Last And Security.

Okay. Can You Take A Check?
Congratulations.

My First New York City
Apartment.

I Have An Apartment!
I Have An Apartment!

Yes, I Know! It's Great!

Let's Go Out And Celebrate
With Some Falafel.

Are You Really Gonna
Walk Up And Down

Five Flights Of Stairs
Every Day?

Yeah. It'll Just Be
My Exercise For The Day,

And Then I Don't Have To Go To
The Gym. You Don't Go To The Gym.

Then I Don't Have To Start.

Oh, The Key.

Apartment 5g.

Are You Ready...
Uh-Huh.

To See Betty Suarez's
First Apartment In The-Aah!

Oh, My God.

I Don't Understand.

It Was Supposed To Look Exactly
Like The Other Apartment I Saw.

Whoa. Wait A Minute. You Didn't
See It Before You Rented It?

It Was Occupied.

By A Corpse?

It's Okay.

It's Okay. It Just-
It Needs A Little T.L.C.

You Know What?

The Real Estate Agent Said
That It Had Sexy Views.

Okay.

That Is Not Sexy...

Or Sanitary.

How Much Money Did You Put
Into All Of This?

Betty?

Everything.

My Entire Savings Account.

I Can't Believe This!

That Is The Stupidest,
Most Irresponsible...

You Know, Papi
Is Not Making A Lot,

And My Salon Is
Not Doing That Great

And With The Cost Of Gas These
Days... You Don't Have A Car.

You Know What I'm Saying.
We Are Struggling As It Is,

And You Throw All Your Money
Away On This?

I Can Fix This.

How?

How Are You Gonna Fix This?

I'm Calling Papi.

What? Hilda.

No, No, No, No, No. Don't You Dare. Why?

Hilda, Give Me That. Just
Give Me The Phone. Get Off.

Just Let Me Fix This
On My Own.

I Mean, She Never
Let Me See The Apartment.

That Was A Little Tricky,
Don't You Think?

Okay, Call Me Back.
Betty Suarez, 5g. Thank You.

What's Going On?

I Got An Apartment,
But It's A Disaster.

I'm Working On It. Why Don't
You Come In The Conference Room

For A Minute?

I'm Stuck.

D.J., You Put The Glue
On My Seat. Ha Ha! Very Funny!

Daniel.

What? Come On.
He's Being A Kid.

It-It's Funny. Look.
This Will Make You Feel Better.

I Promise.

Oh, Come On.
You Can't Just Boo People.

I Got Great News For You.

I Showed Uno Here Your
Idea Binder. Awesome Stuff.

I Really Dug Those Victim
Chicks On Wheels. Wow. Really?

And It Inspired
Our Fall Cover.

Shut Up.

Strong Women Bicycling
Across The Country?

Actually, It's Gonna Be
Six Hot Girls On Motorcycles

T. Riding Through The Biggest
Party Towns In Our Country.

But That's Not My Idea.

See, Uh,
We Don't Like Disease.

- Boo!
- Or Old Women.

- Boo!
- Uno, They're 40.

Betty, There's
A Perfect Tie-In, Okay?

The Harley Show
In Brooklyn Tomorrow.

We're Gonna Introduce

The Biker Chicks Of "Player."

And Because It Was
Your Original Concept,

I Think You Should
Head Up The Event.

Betty, You Asked
For More Responsibility.

This Is Gonna Open Up
A Whole New Market For Us.

Fine. Yes. Okay.

I Said Gingham

And You Give Me
Japanese Floral Garden Kimonos?

More Like Ki-No-Nos.

And Dragon Prints, Margaret?
Really? Dragon Prints?

After All These Years?

And Thank You, Rodrigo,

For The Gift Of White Face
Kabuki Makeup.

You Really Put The Gay
In Geisha.

You Should All
Kill Yourselves.

This Is The Most Important Issue
Of "Mode" Ever, People.

Come Back
With Something Fresh

Or Don't Bother
Coming Back At All.

- Now Get Out.
- Shame On You.

- Here She Comes. Make The Call.
- Okay.

What Now, Willie? "Mode" Need
A Helicopter Pad On The Roof?

Alexis, I Just Wanted To
Apologize For Our Little Tiff.

I Will Work With
Whatever Budget You See Fit.

Regis, Kelly, Line One.

Hmm. I Wonder
What That Could Be About.

Regis, Kelly.

Oh, Hello, Gelman.
What Is It?

Well, Sure,
I Can Do The Show,

But, Uh, Only If I Can Bring
My Partner, Alexis Meade.

- No, No, No, No, No, No, No. Uh,
- Alexis, It's The Perfect Opportunity

To Do Something Together
As A Team.

Plus, We Can Use
The Free Publicity

With Our Limited Resources.

Okay, I'll Do It.

Gelman, We're In.

Oh, God,
What Am I Gonna Wear?!

Like Taking Candy
From A Tranny.

Yep.

No, I-I Totally Understand.
It's Just-It's Not Fair

Because I Didn't Know That Was
The Apartment I Was Getting.

"L," You're On The Sportster
Model. Can You Trade Places?

Well, Could I At Least
Get My Money Back?

Could You Put Your Hair Up

So We Could See The Letter
More Clearly?

No, Not You. I Can't See
Your Hair, But You Know What?

I'm Sure It Looks Great.

Okay, Look, Could You Just Send
Somebody To-To Fix It Up

Or To Clean It Or Something?

Really? What Time?
Yes. Okay. I'll Be There.

- Today. Okay. Bye.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- What Are You Two Doing Here?

Marc Wanted To See All
The Girls In Bikinis.

Actually, We Heard
You Were Gonna Be Here,

And We Just Know You're Gonna
Do Something Amazingly Awful

- And Embarrassing.
- And We Wanted To See
It Happen. You Know, For Old Times Sake.

Well, I'm Sorry
To Disappoint You,

But Nothing Is Going To Happen,
So If You'll Excuse Me...

D.J.!

Daniel.

Come On. It's Just Silly String.
It's Not Broken Glass.

- You Gotta Learn To Laugh At Yourself.
-Should He Even Be Here?

Why Not?
Look, I'm Gonna Be A Cool Dad.

- I Don't Want To Be Like My Father.
- Well, You Don't Have To Be Like Your Father,

But He Did Come Here
Looking For A Father,

- So Some Boundaries Wouldn't Hurt.
- Betty? Betty, Betty, Betty.

Major 4-1-1. Or Is It 9-1-1
That's Emergency?

I Always Get Those Confused.
Anyway, We Just Lost "R."

- What?
- The "R" Girl,

To Spell "Player."

D.J. Sprayed Silly String
In Her Eyes,

And She Got All Freaked Out
And Went Home,

- And Now We're A Girl Short.
- Okay, Hogs And Heifers.

Get Ready As We Launch
The "Player" Girls

- On The Latest And Greatest Choppers.
- Okay. Uh, L-Let Me Think. Uh, What Should We Do?

Daniel, I'll Figure This Out.
It's My Responsibility.

- You Take Care Of D.J.
- Oh!

We're Back Now
With Wilhelmina And Alexis.

So Nice To Have You Here.

It Is Such An Honor
To Be At The Helm

As We Relaunch The New
And Improved "Mode."

And Wilhelmina Is Doing
A Great Job.

Yeah, We Should Mention For
The People In Our Audience

Who Don't Know,

Wilhelmina Took Over "Mode" From
Alexis' Brother, Daniel Meade.

So What's The Deal
With That?

What Kind Of Show Are You
Running Over There, Alexis?

Uh, Uh, Daniel
Just Decided To Work...

Where His Skills
Would Be Better Utilized.

- Tell Us About This New Magazine, "Hot Flash."
- Oh, Is That What This Is?

- I Thought It Was Some Kind Of Joke.
- It's My Mother's Pet Project.

"Hot Flash"- I Just Got It.
It's Like Menopause.

It's A Magazine
About Lady Business.

I Know It's Real,

But I Don't Necessarily
Want To Read About It.

Oh, My God. Look At This.
"Brittle And Horny-

Afraid Your Bones
Will Crack In The Sack?"

Been There, Done That.
Oh, Yeah.

"P," Come On.

"L."

"A."

"Y... "

All Right, You Can Do This.

You Can Do Anything.

You're A Dove, A Kick-Ass Dove,

Just Facing Another Challenge.

It's Like A Bike, Just Bigger.

Betty!

"R!"

- Aah!
- Look Out!

Oh, My God! Oh!
Careful!

Help!

I'm Okay.

Beyond My Wildest Dreams.

Magic.

Call 4-1-1.

I Can't Believe
They Criticized

One Of Our Magazines
That Way.

I Wonder Whether That Reaction
Was Just The Tip Of The Iceberg.

- Have You Seen The Latest Sales Figures?
- I Know, But I Think It Has Long-Term Potential,

And It's My Mother's Dream.

I Had A Thought,
A Way Of Stopping The Bleeding

And Helping "Mode."

Look, I've Had
A Really Rough Day,

And I'm Still Waiting
For That Handyman.

A- A Couple Minutes?

Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
I- I-I Can Wait. Thanks.

Thank You For Calling.
Our Offices Are Now Closed.

What? No.

No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No.

Aah! No, No, No, No, No, No, No.
Don't Do That.

No, Stop.
You're My Power Animal.

Oh, Gosh. Aah! Aah!

1. More responsibility at Work
2. Get Apartment in NYC!!!
3. NO MORE ROMANTIC ENTANGLEMENTS

Hi, Hilda.

Hi. We Got A Problem.
Meet Me At Flushing Burger,

And Don't Say A Word To Papi.

Hilda, If Dad Says
We Shouldn't Get Involved,

Maybe We Shouldn't
Get Involved.

Nuh-Uh. This Manager Has Been
Giving Him Crap All Week

And Then Cuts His Shifts.
I Don't Think So.

- And What Is Up With Your Hair? It Looks
Like A Bird's Nest.
- It's A Long Story.

Listen, If Push Comes To Shove,
I'm Ready To Kick Her Ass.

- I Got My Big Ring On.
- Hilda, There Will Be No Ass Kicking.

Let's Just Find Out
What The Problem Is.

- I'm Sure We Can Fix It.
- Okay, So Once You're Done With This One,

- You Can Take The Old Ones Out And
Put The New Ones In.
- Oh, My God.

That's Kimmie Keegan.

- Get Behind The Human Shield!
- She Tortured Me In High School.

She's Pure Evil.

You Sure You Don't Want Me
To Kick Her Ass?

Stand By.

- Hello, Kimmie.
- Long Time No See, Betty.

- So You're The Manager Here?
- Actually, It's On-Site Senior Executive

In Charge Of Food Operations.

Well, Then I Guess
You're Exactly The Person I Need To Talk To.

You See,
It Seems That You Have

Cut Back
My Father's Hours Recently.

Um, Yeah, Pretty Much.
He's A Slacker.

Um, No, He's Not.

He's A Very Hardworking,
Good Person.

Oh. Then He Must
Just Be Getting Old.

- I Mean, How Old Is He, Like, 100?
- Ooh, Just Say The Word, Betty.

- Take It Back.
- Nope.

All Right, Kimmie,
Don't Push Me.

I Have Had A Very Hard Day,

And You No Idea
What I Am Capable Of.

Well,
I'm Not A Cheeseburger,

So I Know
You're Not Gonna Eat Me.

- Oh, No, You Didn't.
- Oh, Yes, I Did It.

And It Felt Good.

No. What Are You Doing? No!

Sorry.

That's It.

That Is It.
You Are Going Down, Bitch!

Well, I Guess If We All Have
To Work Late,

We Can At Least Enjoy A Little
Family Dinner Together, Right?

I Cannot Believe The Gall
Of Regis And Kelly,

Spewing That Garbage.

"Hot Flash" Serves A Growing
And Diverse Demographic.

We Need A Forum

- To Discuss Aging, Menopause, Personal Dryness.
- Uh, Mom.

Actually, Mom, There Is
Something About "Hot Flash"

That We Need To Discuss.

D.J., No Cake. Come On.

- Hey. D?JEuner First, Then Dessert, Right?
- Je Veux Ma G?TEau.

No. Come On.

What Are You Do-
Give Me The...

Hey, That Is Not Funny.

Apologize To Your Aunt
Right Now.

No, It's Fine. Chocolate
On Silk-That'll Come Out.

What Has Gotten Into You?

- Finish Your Dinner.
- Je Pas Faim.

Fine. You're Not Hungry?
Go Do Your English Homework.

D.J., I'm Not Messing Around.
Right Now.

Go.

Now!

Well, Isn't This
A Lovely Evening?

- Pig Latin!
- Aah!

Dirty Skank!

- Oh!
- The Shirt! Not The Shirt!

You Mean, Mean Person!

- What Is That? I Don't Even
- It Doesn't Come Naturally To Everyone.

- Whoa! Whoa!
- Enough. Enough.
- Aah!

You, You, Get Out.
She Started It.

- It Was Her!
- Kpyeah, Get Out And Tell Your Old Man He's Fired.

Hey, Let's Go.

How Do You Like Me Now,
Ugly Betty?

Any Sign Of Him?

He Locked Himself In There
And Won't Come Out.

I Shouldn't Have Yelled
At Him.

I Used To Hate Dad
When He Yelled At Me.

I Never Got Over It.

Now My Own Kid Hates Me.

He Doesn't Hate You, Darling.
He's Just Testing You.

Daniel, This Boy Has Lost
Everything, His Mother,

His Home In France.
Now You Can Yell At Him.

You're Going To Have To
Sometimes,

But As Long As He Knows You're
Gonna Be There For Him Tomorrow,

It's Okay.

Hello?

Yes, This Is Claire.

What?

- You Killed "Hot Flash."
- I Didn't Kill It. I Downsized It.

Mm-Hmm, And I Had To Find Out
From An Assistant At The Office.

I Was Gonna Tell You
At Dinner,

- Right Before The Cake Attack.
- Oh.

Look, It Makes Economic Sense

To Turn "Hot Flash" Into
A Quarterly Or An Insert.

- A Flyer?
- An Insert. Lots Of Magazines Do This.

You Know, You Think You're
The One Making These Decisions,

But You're Just Doing
Wilhelmina's Bidding.

First She Pushed
Your Brother Aside,

Now My Magazine.

Pretty Soon, It'll Be You.

Here You Go, Sweetie.

Mira. Hmm?

I'm So Sorry, Dad.

Ah, Please.
There Are Other Jobs.

Better Jobs.

What Happened To You Today?

Everything. Everything
Happened To Me Today.

It's Like
I Totally Regressed.

Oh, Mijita.

I Acted Like A Child
With Kimmie.

I Got Duped On This Apartment.

It Is So Awful, Dad. I Didn't
Even Want To Tell You.

And My Job-Ugh!

It's A Giant Step Backward.

Stupid Power Animal.

You Were Right, Dad.
I Was Being Naive.

I Thought I Grew Up
On This Trip,

But Obviously, I Haven't.

You're Right.

Can't You See?

You're Doing It Now.

Growing Up Isn't About
Making The Right Decisions.

It's About Dealing With
The Decisions You've Made

And Picking Yourself Up.

Ah, It's Not Easy,

But I Know You, Betty.

Te Conozco.

You Can Do It.

And Right Now, These Things,

These Moments...

This Is Growing Up.

What Do You Want?

I Came To Apologize.

Look, I Acted Like A Child
Yesterday. I'm Sorry.

I Guess I'm Still Upset over The Way You Treated Me
In High School.

- You Were Such A Bully.
- Nice Apology.

Sorry.

Look, Kimmie,
I Know You Hate Me,

But Don't Take It Out
On My Dad.

He Really Needs This Job.

I Don't Hate You.

I'm Just Jealous.

Wait. You're Jealous Of Me?

You've Got An Apartment
In The City, A Great Job

And Your Dad's
All Proud Of You.

Me? Everything Went Downhill
After High School.

I Mean, I'm Working At This
Dump, I Still Live At Home,

I've Got A Boyfriend
That I Kind Of Hate,

And I'm Tired All The Time,

And I Looked It Up
On The Internet,

And I'm 98% Sure
That I've Got Lyme Disease.

- Whatever You Do, Don't Have Sex In
The Woods On Fire Island.
- I Won't.

Look, The Worst Part Is,

I Just Feel Like
Nothing's Ever Gonna Change.

Kimmie...

Look,
There Are So Many Days

Where I Feel
Exactly The Same Way,

But It Gets Better,

And It Can For You, Too.

You Just Have To Be Willing
To Do Something About It.

Take A Leap. Don't Be Afraid
To Fall Flat On Your Face.

Believe Me,
I Do It Every Day.

Well, I've Got To Get This Place
Ready Before It Opens.

Hey, Betty.

Tell Ignacio
To Be Here At Noon.

- He Can Have His Job Back?
- He's The Best Guy I've Got On The Fryer,

And I Can't Afford
To Lose Him.

Oh, Thank You.

Thank You, Kimmie.

Papa?

Hey. Uh, I Was Waiting
For You To Come Out,

But I Guess I Fell Asleep.

I'M SORRY.

Listen...

Things Between Us...

They're Not Always
Gonna Be Great.

Pas Si Bon.

But I'm Your Father,

You Are My Son,

And We're In This Together.

Ensemble.

So Even
When I Have To Say No...

Je T'aime Beaucoup.

I Love You, Too.

Oh, Taste The Watermelon.

All Right, Okay.
All Right, That's Enough.

This Is Not Funny. You Guys Are
Acting Like A Bunch Of Idiots.

Actually, It's Pretty Funny.
And, Yes, They Are Idiots,

Which Is Exactly Why You Should
Put It On The "Player" Web Site

- And Then Leak It Online.
- Betty, Come On.

No, I'm Serious.
You Want To Get More Readers?

Then Appeal
To Your Demographic-

18- To 39-Year-Old Male Idiots

Who Respond
To This Type Of Humor.

Um, She's Right.
We Do Respond To That.

I Told You She Was Good.

Okay.

Okay, Okay. I Think
I Like The Booing Better.

- Gah!
- What Are You Guys Doing Here?

- We Figured You Need Some Help.
- Major.

- Hello.
- Oh. Sorry About The
Whistle, But You Scared Me.

That's So Sweet.
Thank You.

You're Welcome.

Oh, Thank You.

Surprise.

Listen, I Am Really Sorry

That I Was So Hard On You
The Other Day.

'Cause You're My Kid Sister.
I'm So Proud Of You.

You've Accomplished So Much,
And I Just-

I Wish I Could Get
My Crap Together Like You.

- Hilda, You Have Your Crap Together.
- Ay.

You-You Have The Salon,
Which Is About To Take Off,

And You Found
This Perfect Guy.

Oh, Yeah.
He's Not That Perfect.

Really? Tell Me One Thing That's
Not Perfect About The Coach.

See?
You Can't Even Think Of One.

Oh, My Gosh.
What Are You Making Me?

Curtains.

My Dame's On Broadway.

You Know I'm A Triple Threat.

Yes, An Editor,
A Diva And...

Well, A Threat.

Remind Me To Give Kelly Ripa
A Gift Basket.

She Really Came Through
For Us.

She's As Reliable
As She Is Fertile.

Check.

New York City-Check.

"No More Romantic
Entanglements."

Hello!

Can We Talk?

Hi.

Um, Hi.

I'm Sorry.
Was I Playing Too Loud?

- 'Cause I'm Practicing For A Gig Tomorrow.
- Oh, No. I Mean, A Little Loud,

But, You Know,
If You're Practicing,

Then I Could Just
Wear Earplugs Or Something.

I'm Your New Neighbor.
Um, 5g.

Oh. I'm Glad You Stopped By,
Actually,

'Cause I Think This Might Have
Fallen Out Of Your Stuff.

Oh, My God. I Didn't
Even Know I'd Lost This.

- Thank You So Much.
- It Suits You.

Yeah.

I Guess It Does.

Okay. Thank You.

Sure. Oh, Wait. Um, What Does
The "B" Stand For?

Oh, Um, Betty.

Betty, Well, It's Nice
To Meet You. I'm Jesse.

Ooh. Strong Handshake.

Yeah. Okay,
I'll See You Around, Neighbor.

Yeah. Okay.
I'll See You Around.

* Well,
She Was An American Girl *

* Raised On Promises

* Yeah, And If She Had
To Die Tryin' *

* She Had One Little Promise
She Was Gonna Keep *

* Oh, Yeah

* All Right

* Take It Easy, Baby

* Make It Last All Night
* Make It Last All Night

* She Was An American Girl

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