Ugly Betty (2006–2010): Season 2, Episode 6 - Something Wicked This Way Comes - full transcript

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Previously On "Ugly Betty"...

I Just Got Fired Because
You Went Crying To Your Boss.

You're Late.
Take Off Your Clothes.

Ha Ha. Easy, Sailor.
Buy A Girl A Drink First

If You Had Told Me
That I Would End Up

At Your Apartment,
I Would Not Have Believed You.

The Bradford Meade-
Wilhelmina Slater Weddin

Is Back On.

I Lost Atlantic Attire.

He Was Protectinme.
Don't Defend Him.

I Know You're Leaving
In Five Months,



And I Know That I'm
Gonna Get My Heart Broken,

But Maybe It's Worth It,

As Long As We Keep
Our Relationship Secret.

Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

Hey.

I'm Not Going Anywhere!

Hurry, Mija, Into The Kitchen.
Betty, Come On.

What Are We Doing?
This Was Hilda's First Week
At The Beauty Salon...

Oh.
So We're Surprising Her.

Uh, But I Was Gonna Go
To The Movies.

You're Going To
The Movies Alone?

Betty, You Can't Keep Moping
Over This Henry Thing.

You Need To Be
With Your Family...

And Food.
No. You Know What, Dad?



You Can't Keep Tempting Me
With Food.

It's Not
Gonna Work Anymore.

(Singsongy Voice)
I Made Carne Asada.

Just One Bite.

(Whispers) Hurry.

(Betty, Ignacio And Justin)
Surprise!

There She Is,
Queeof The...

Hairstylist... To The Stars.

I Should've
Worked On This.

Oh, Stop.
It's Just A Job.

No Biggie, Okay?

No Biggie? Hilda,
You're Following Your Dream.

We Are So Proud
Of You, Mija.
Oh.

Forget Dreams. Tell Me About
The Bumble And Bumble Salon.

I Heard One Time
Beyonc?Went In There To Get

Her Weave Tightened, But Fergie
Wanted The Appointment,

So She
Totally Bitch-Slapped Her.
Hey.

What? There's
No Other Word For It.
I Think What Justin

Is That We're All Very Excited
About Your New Job.
We Are.

Oh, Come On, You Guys.

You Know, I Don't Like To Be
The Center Of Attention.

Okay, I Love You.

Congratulations.
My Movie Starts At 7:00.
You're Going To A Movie?

Uh-Huh.
Alone.

Why Don't We All Go?

"Project Runway's"
A Rerun Tonight.

Yeah, I Can Pack Up
The Carne Asada.

Oh, Yeah, Betty.
Get Your Big Purse.
No!

Uh, No.

Dad Made
This Beautiful Dinner.

We Should Stay.
Forget About The Movie.

Um, I'm Gonna
Go Hang My Coat.

Okay.

(Whispering) Henry.

(Henry Whispering) Betty.
Henry.

Bey.

Oh, Uh, I Can't Go.

I Know.
Your Family's Really Loud.

I'm Sorry. They Just...
They Don't Want Me To Be Alone.

(Normal Voice) Monday Daniel
Didn't Want You To Be Alone,

And On Tuesday, Christina
Didn't Want You To Be Alone.

Shh.
(Normal Voice) I Know.

They're Just--They're Trying
To Help Me Get Over You.

We See Less Of Each Other Now
Than We Did

Before We Were Going Out.
(Ignacio Laughs)

Wouldn't It Just Be Easier
To Tell Them The Truth?
No. No, We Can't.??

We're Doing Something
Really Stupid, Henry.

You're Leaving For Tucson
In Five Months,

And I Don't Need Them
Telling Me

??

ok...

you are right???

i miss you??

I'm Here Now.

(Hilda) Betty!

Hide!
Aah. Oh!

(Clattering)
Oh.

Come Inside.

Papi Unscrewed
The Good Wine.

(Whispers) I'm Sorry.

I Gotta Go. I'm Sorry.

(Christina) Ugh!

Just Got The Designer Swimwear
For The Preview Issue,

And, Once Again,
Summer Is Not Going To Be Kind

To The Big Girls.

Hello?

This Aects Both Of Us,
You Know. Look At That.

Come On.
Christina, I Gotta
Ask You Something.

You Know How Sometimes You Say
You're Not Gonna Have A Drink,

But Secretly, You've Got
This Great Bottle Of Alcohol,

Like--
Like A 20-Year-Old Bourbon.

No, No, No, No, Better.
A Single Malt Whiskey.
Yeah.

No--Or Just Like Maybe
An Iced Cold Bottle Ofeer--

Oh, Okay, It Doesn't Matter.
You've Got This Booze,

And You Can't
Tell Anyone About It

Because They Know
It's Bad For You.

But All You Can Think About
Is Going Home And Drinking

And Drinking--
What Is This,
A Bloody Intervention?

Because I Can Give Up
Whenever I Want.
No, No. This Has Nothing??

??

Okay, Let's Start Over. Uh, Say
You Have A Dozen Doughnuts And--

Christina, I Have
Your Budget Approvals.

Oh, Betty.
Henry.

I Have To Go.

Oh, My God.
He's Your Doughnuts.

Yes.

And He's Delicious,
And I Can't Tell Anyone.

But, Betty, He's Got
Charlie And The Baby,

And He's Leaving,
And It's Crazy.
Shh.

But It's Ao Very Hot.

Oh, But You Could Get
Your Heart Broken.

Yeah, But Who Cares?
It's Also Hot, Hot.

I Know,
But It--It's Wrong.
Or Is It Right?

Either Way, We Have
To Keep It A Secret.
Secret Romance,

But That Means We Never
Get To See Each Other.

We Haven't Even...

Ooh, Ooh, Cold, Cold.
I Know.

Okay, So You Wanna
Keep It Secret?

Use Me
As Your Cover Tonight, Okay?

But You've Gotta Take
That Doughnut,

And You've Got To Bite It
And Dunk It In Your Coffee

And Get It Hot, Warm And Wet,
And Then... (Grunts)

Bite Into It Again
And--Oh, God, I Need A Drink.

I Ne A Doughnut.

(Bradford) This Is Unbelievable,
Daniel.

I Told You, Atlantic Attire
Said I Had To Let Go Of Alexis

Or They Would Pull
Their Advertising.

What Was I Supposed To Do,
Fire Her?

Take Her Name Off
The Masthead For Three Months.

Then You Offer This Guy
Six Issues

At Half Our Normal Rate--
Basic Business.

I Guess I Didn't Think--
You Didn't Think.

You Just Told Him To Take
His Business Elsewhere.
Okay, Guys. It Happened.

Why Don't We Try

And Get Some Big Players
In For The Next Issue?

When I Was At Hudson,

I Had Some Great Contacts
At Ralph Lauren.

Yeah, I Mean, I Know Some People
In Ralph Lauren, Too.

You've Done Enough.
Alexis Will Take Care Of It.

Oh!
(Betty) Whoa.

Hei hei Hello.

Gio, Hi.
What Are You Doing Here?

Phase One Of Giovanni Rossi's
5-Year Plan.

I Rented Out
The Little Sandwich Kiosk

Down In The Lobby.
Oh, That's Great.

And Because You Got Me Canned
From My Old Job,

Which Lit A Re
Under Me... Three Coupons.

Ah, A Free Cookie.

But You Know What?
You Did Geme Canned,

So Let's Make It Two.
You're Welcome.

"Coming Soon--
Gio'sandwiches." Hmm.

What's With The Face?

Well, No, It...
It's Just A Littlery.

Maybe You Could Try
Something Catchy.

Oh, Like That Doughnut Shop
Downstairs.

"A Hole Lotta Fun."
That Just Makes Me Smile.

Oh, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

That's Also The Name Of
A Strip Club In Bayside.

Ew, And Now
I Know You Better.

So You Make Sandwiches.

How About Calling It, Uh...
"On A Roll"?

Oh, No, Wait--
"Hero Worship"!

And You Could Have
A Little Cartoon Sandwich

Who Flexes His Muscles.

I Already Have 500 Flyers
That Say "Gio's Sandwiches"

And... A Pickle
With A Smiley Face.

Well, Th's Good, Too.

Oh, Uh, Excuse Me,
But Think About It.

Okay.

Daniel, So How Was
Your Meeting With Your Father?

The Usual. Alexis Is
Gonna Save The Magazine.

Daniel Is A Dumb-Ass Trying Not
To Trip Over His Own Shoes.

(Bradford Laughs) Daniel...
(Alexis Laughs)

Well, You N't Keep Letting
What Your Father Says About--

It's Okay, Betty.
I Actually Have A Plan.

You Do?

Try Not To Be
So Skeptical.

I Actually Need
You To Call Ad Sales.

Get All Of Their Leads.

Alexis Isn't The Only One
Who Can Save This Place.

I'm Gonna Go Find Us
An Advertiser.

Damn It.

Hey, Party In The Village
Last Night.

You Will Not Believe
Whose Boob Popped Out.

Oh, Need To Know. Not Now.
We're At Code Fuchsia.

(Gasps) You Got
Someone Pregnant?

Oh, That's Code Never.

Wilhelmina's Daughter
Nico Called.

She's Not Coming
To The Wedding.

(Gasps)
Oh, My God.

Dot Worry.
I Am Your Friend,

And I Will Be Here For You
Noatter What.

(Wilhelmina) Someone's
Getting Fired Today.
(Amanda Gasps)

Oh, Is Daniel Calling Me?
I Think I Have To Go. Bye.

Wilhelmina Slater, Everyone.

How Was Your Dress Fitting?
Disastrous.

I Haven't Eaten In 10 Days
And I Overshot My Target Weight.

My Custom Vera Wang Makes Me
Look Like A White Silk Shar-Pei.

And That Diva Wang Said

There Wasn't Enough Time
To Alter The Boning.

Oh, What Does Wang Know
About Boning, Anyway?

(Gasps) Oh.

Stop. Meatbread.
Stop It.

Stop It.

I Have To Gain 6 Pounds
By Saturday To Fill It Out.

Oh.
(Sighs) Look At Her.

She Makes It Seem
So Easy.

Hang On.

(Sniffs) I Smell Fear.
What Did You Do Wrong?

Oh, Willie, Wrong Is Really
A Matter Of Perception.

You See, Sometimes In Life,
We Have To--Aah!

Nico Got Bit
By Her Pet Monkey,

And She's Fine,
But She's Quarantined

And She Can't Make It
Tohe Wedding.

Terrific. Now I Have To Redo
The Seating Charts Again.

Um, Isn't She Also
Your Maid Of Honor?

Oh, Marc.

I Have Flower Problems
And Catering Problems,

And Bradford Wants Something
Called A "Shania Twain"

To Perform At Our Reception.

I Have Way Bigger Issues.

Find Out What Betty
Is Having For Lunch

And... Order Me Two.

Oh, Hello, Accountant.

Oh, Hello,
Daniel's Assistant.

I Just Need Your Signature
Right Here On That--Oops.

Oh.

I Opped It.

So, Look, Um...
I Was Feeling Really Bad

About E Fact That
I Haven't Made Time For You,

And I Was Thinking Maybe Tonight
We Could Have A Real Date?

What Do You Have In Mind?

Well, We Never Got To See
"Wicked" Last Year

Like We Wanted.
"Wicked"? Wicked Awesome.

And Then, Maybe Afterward,
The Date Could Continue?

(Objects Clatter)
Ow.

Yeah, Yeah.
That Could Be Good.

I Mean, Whatever.

(Daniel) Bet?
(Bell Dings)

Oh.

There Is
Nothing Going On.

He Was Just Signing
Some Papers Under The Desk.

We Always Do It That Way.
I'm Protecting Your Privacy.

Are You Forgetting
How Crushed You Were

When He Left You
The First Time?

Daniel,
I Am Not Dating Henry.

Because If You Were, I'd Have To
Seriously Think About

Getting Rid Of Him.
Murder?

What? No. God,
I Hate That It's So Easy

To Go There With My Family.
No, I Mean Fire Him.

I'm Not Gonna Let Him
Break Your Heart Twice, Betty.
You'd Actually Do That?

Come On, Betty.
You Butt Into My Life

All E Time
Because You Care About Me.

Like It Or Not,
I Care About You, Too.

Well, U Have Nothing
To Worry About.

Will You Please Hide
Your Mutt?

If Wilhelmina Sees It,

She's Gonna Melt Cheese
On It And Eat It.

Hey, You.

Oh... (Clears Throat)

(Halston Barks)
Halsn, That's Prada!

Hey, Bud.

"Bud"? Hey, That's
Your Friend, Amanda, Right?

Oh, No, No, No, No, No.
Amanda's Much Prettier.

What Are You Doing Here?
(Baby Talk Voice) I Just Miss
My Wittle Marc-Y Marc.

Ew, I Thought We Talked
About That Voice.

You Were Gonna Retire It
And Move It To Florida.
(Normal Voice)

??

Oh, Am I Gonna Seeou
Tonight For Dinner?
Yeah, Sure. My Place?

(Groans) We Always Eat
At Your Place

When We're Not
Eating At My Place.

You Know,
I Hear New York Has

These Little Things
Called Restaurants.
Oh, But Restaurants Have??

(Clears Throat)
And... Lights. Blah.
Okay, Starting To Get??

What?
Do You Not Want To Be Seen
With Me Or Sometng?

What? No. That's Crazy.

(Laughs) But I Forgive
Your Foolishss.

Great.

I'll Make A Reservation
At Craft For 8:00.

Tee-Riff. Craft It Is.

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.

You Know The Fashionorld--
Very Homophobic.

See You At 8:00.

No. (Sighs)
So "Wicked's" Sold Out?

Well, There's Gotta
Be Something.

No, Don't Wanna See
"Mama Mia."

Well, Becae "Wicked" Means
Something Really Special

To The Boy I'm Dating,
And Abba Means Nothing.

Oh, Come On, Haven't You Ever
Had An Office Romance?

You Know,
You're Selling Tickets,

And--And The Guy
In The Cubicle Next To You

Is Selling Tickets,
And Then Your Eyes Meet And--

Office Romance?

Ma
You're Always Just There.

Uh, Okay, So You Heard
"Office Romance,"

And Now You're Thinking,
I Have To Get Rid Of Henry.

But You Don't, Because...

I'm Not Dating Henry.

I'm... Dating...

Uh... That Guy!

Oh, I Just Love It
When He Does That.

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Marc!

This Is Disaster.

I Knew The Maid Of Honor Thing
Would Hit You Eventually,

But I Have An Idea--
We'll Video Conference Nico,

That Way She Can--
This Is Not About Nico.
Look.

Chocolates. Disastrous.
Why Again?

These Are The Favors
For The Reception.

There's Supposed To Be Onehite
And One Dark In Each Box.

Ebony And Ivory.
My Wedding Theme?

Oh.

That Idiot Wedding Planner
Has Gone And Segregated Them.
This Is Unacceptable.

What Do We Want?
Integrated Chocolates.

When Do We Want Them?
Now.

(Sighs) If I Want
Anything Done Right,

I Have To Plan It Myself.

Get Me The Seating Chart.

Willie, You Can't Do This
All Yourself.

Hey, Why Don't I Stay
With You Tonight

And Help You Get
Through All This?

However Long It Takes.

You Don't Have
Any Of Your Gay Plans?

Mnh-Mnh.

What Could I Do, Cliff?
She's Ordering Me To Stay Late.

I Know. She Totally Is
With A Capital ""

I'm So Sorry.

Hey, Betty.

You Know, There's Something
Wrong With My Sandwich.

Will You Take A Look At It?
I'll Get You Another One.

No, No,
Just Pick The Bun Up.
, Really.

??

Come On, Betty. Do It.
No, Daniel. I Don't Want
To See Something Gross.

(Sighs) Damn It.
You Ruin All My Fun.

Do You Know That?
This Is Thad For "Wicked."

I Got You And The Sandwich Guy
Tickets To The Show.

That's Why I Put It
In The... Forget It.
Oh, No. No. No, No, No.

I Get It. I Get It. Thank You.
Oh, My Gosh, That's So Sweet.

Well, How Did You
Even Find Tickets?
Oh, This Is "Mode." I Mean,??

Amanda Can Get You Tickets
To Just About Any Show--

Great. Nowou're Eating
My Sandwich. Perfect.

(Mouth Full) Oh,
I Thought That Was Mine, Too.

Okay, I'll Trade You
My "Fiddler On The Roof,"

With Harvey Fierstein,

For Your "Gypsy"
With Ethel Merman.

Nice Try, Hillary.
The Merman's A Collector's Item.

One Day, It'll Pay
For My College Tuition

Or Send Me
To Billy Elliott School.

Hey, Guys.
If You Didn't Bring
"Spamalot,"

Do Not Even Step
Into This House.

Broadway And The London.
Suck That.

So, Justin, My Dad Saw
Your Mom At Her Work Today.

Your Dad Got A Bume Cut?
He's A Plumber.

No,
He Saw Her At Lunch.

You Know That Restaurant
Hi-Beems?
Oh, Yeah, It's Like Hooters,??

Well, He Took A Video
Of His Waitress With His Phone.

Hello. (Laughs)

The Prada People Are Waiting
In The Conference Room For You.

Okay.
Do They Seem Friendly?
Well...

I Forgot To Ing Sweetener
For The Blonde Woman's Coffee,

And She Tried To Put
Her Cigarette Out On My Arm.

But Don't Worry.
You're Gonna Be Great.

Here Are The Ad Rates
And The Circulation Reports.

Oh, And, Uh, Hold On.
You've Got Something.

You Didn't Just Do That.

You're Welcome.

Oh, And, Uh, Daniel.
I'm Leaving Soon.

So Did Amanda Give You
Those Tickets To "Wicked"?
Oh, Yeah.

I Gave Them To Your Boyfriend.
He Seemed Pretty Excited.

So I'm Just Curis,

Being Your Boyiend And All,
Am I A Gentle Lover?
Ew. Shut Up.

I Had To Tell My Boss
I Was Going Out With Someone,

And You Were
The First Guy I Saw.

Flattered.
Why Are You Lying To Him?

Because, Well, I--

I'm Dating Someone That I Don't
Want Daniel To Know About.

Ooh, You're Cheating On Me
After I Was So Gentle?

Stop It. Can I Just
Have My Tickets, Please?
First Tell Me??

No.
Tell Me Who You're Dating.

Why Don't You Just
Get Your Own Life?

Please?

Okay, Henry From Accounting.
There.

Oh, Yeah.
Egg Salad On White. Sexy.

More.

(Sighs) Okay...
He Got A Girl Pregnant,

And I Don't Want Daniel
To Know That I'm Dating Him,

Because If He Does,

He's Just Gonna Tell Me
That I'm Being Stupid.

Wow.
You Are Being Stupid.

You're A Very Rude
Fake Boyfriend.

Now Can I Have
My Tickets, Please?

Uh, No.
Uh, The Other One, Too.

I Need To Be Prepared In Case
Daniel Asks Me About The Show.

What? Are You Kidding?
Hey, He Gave Them
To Both Of Us, Oy?

You Do What U Want
With Yours,

And I'm Gonna Do
What I Want With Mine.

Well, I'm Not Gonna
Go With You.

Thank You For Ruining
My Special Night.

Oh, And I Have News
For You, Buddy.

Your Pickle
With The Smiley Face...

(Scoffs) It's...

It's Bad.

Ooh, Big Words Coming
From The Writer.

Suck It.

Why Are You Talking
About That Guy's Pickle?

Never Mind.

Oh, Amanda.

Gosh, You Look So Pretty Today.
I Love That Sweater.

Well, Thank You.
I Love Your...

Okay.

Look, Daniel Says You Have
Access To Theater Tickets.

Please, I--I'll Do
Anything You Want.

Why Are You
Smiling Like That?

I Was Just Picturing You
Walking Halston For A Month.

Okay.

??

I'd Say Your Chances
For Making This Cover

Are Very Good.
(Chuckles)

Excuse Me.
I'll Be Right Back.
Okay.

Dude, Things Are
Getting Hot Downstairs.

I've Been Shooting
Swimsuit Previews,

Once Again, The Summer's
Gonna Be Kind To The Big Girls.

(Laughs) Hello?
This Affects Both Of Us.

I Just Hope There's
Still A Magazine

When The Time Comes
To Print A Swimsuit Issue.
What Are You Talking About?

I Lost
A Bunch Of Advertisers,

And I Thought I Had A Shot
At Landing Prada,

But I Just--I Blew It.

Let Me See Who
You're Going After.

Michael Sheeter, Armani.
Larry Champion, Cartier...

We Have A Winner.

Four Words--
San-Dra Win-Throp.

When You Say "Four Words,"
You Mean "Syllables"?

She Owns
Some Jewelry Company.

I Did A Shoot
For Her Last Year.

Over 50 And Foxy...
(Growls)

Are You Saying
I Have To Hit On Her

To Try To Get Her
To Buy Ad Space?

If You Wanna Land
Your Advertiser,

Land Your Advertiser.

Ay.

Justin, You Scared
The Crap Out Of Me.

So How Was Work?

Oh, You Know, Cut Some Hair,
Did A Little Coloring.

(Chuckles) And Now Mommy Wants
To Put Her Feet Up

And Watch Some "Extra."

I Read On The Internet
That Madonna Came In Today.

Oh, Yeah, Sure.
She Was There.

I Got Kabbalah This,
Kabbalah That.

Liar! Madonna's
Recording In London

Till The End
Of The Month.

Whoa. Okay, So She Wasn't
Really There.

What Is Going On
With You?

No, What's Going On
With You?

My Friend Duncan's Father
Says, "Hi."

Or Should I Say,
"Hi-Ems"?

Oh, Crap.

What Happened
To Bumble And Bumble?

Okay, Look.

Maybe I Offered
Some Constructive Suggestions

To One
Of The Stylists There.

You Got Fired?

Well, It's Not Like
He Had To Take Them!

So You've Been Pretending To Go?
Why Would You Lie To Us?

Because Meant So Much
To You And Papi.

I Was Following
My Dreams.

You Guys Put Up
Freaking Balloon.

But, Mom, Hi-Beems.
Seriously?

Yeah, I Was Looking
For A Salon Job For A Month.

You Know How Many
Offers I Got? One.

And I Got Fired From That
On The First Day.

So After A While,
You Gotta Be Practical.

And We Needed The Money
More Than I Needed To...

Follow My Dreams.

Can You Believe This?
It's Our First Real Date.

(Laughs)
Did You Just Skip?

(Laughs) No.

Okay, Maybe.

I'm Just Really Excid.

I'm Excited, Too.

What Are You Doing?

What? We Don't Know
Anybody Here.

Hey, You Don't Know Us.
We're Dating.

(Man) Mm-Hmm. Great.

Aughs) Dating.

(Laughs) You're Right.
We Can Do This.

We Don'tnow
Anybody Here.

Except Him.

Betty. Hey.

Didn't Think
I'd See You Here.

Hi, Uh, Gio.
Henry, This Is Gio

Proud Owner Of Gio's Sandwiches.
Catchy, Right?

Hey, How's It Goin' There,
Egg Salad?

Hey, Listen, I Know You Guys
Have This Whole Secret Thing.

Don't Worry,
I Won't Say Anything.
(Chuckles)

So, Gio, What Did You Do
With Your Extra Ticket?

Pick Up Somerampy Blonde
On The "E" Train?

Well, Maybe You Should
Meet Her. Annella?

Thanks For
The "Defying Gravity" T-Shirt.

(Gio) Oh, Of Course.

Betty, This Is
My Sister, Antonella.

Nella, This Is The Nice Lady
Who Gave Us The Tickets.
Hi.

Aren't You A Little Old
For Braces?

Ooh, Oh, Hey.
You're Welcome.

Owers Voice) Why'd
You Get Them Tickets?

(Lowers Voice)
I'll Explain Later.

(Normal Voice) Uh,
I'll Explain Now. Get Down.

Daniel Gave Our Tickets
To Gio Because He Thinks

He's My Boyfriend
'Cause If He Finds Out

That I'm Dating You,
He's Gonna Try And Fire You.
What?

He's Just Being
Real Protective,

So I Have To Sit With Gio
And You Sit With Antonella.

But We Can Still
Have Our Fun Date, Now Go!

Go, Go, Go!
And Take The Kid
I'm Not Sitting???

Heh, Okay, I Really Don't
Want That Name To Catch On.

Oh. Oh. Come On.
This Way, This Way.

Daniel, Hi.
Hi.

What Are
You Doing Here?

Oh, I'm Seeing The Show

With One Of Our Potential
New Advertisers.

This Is Sandra Winthrop.
(Laughs)
He's Wooing Me.

??

I Told Him I Like The Theater,
So Here We A.

Well, Uh, I'm Betty,
Daniel's Assistant.

It's Very Nice To Meetou.
Oh, Nice To Meet You.

Oh, And This Is Gio.

Her Boyfriend.
(Sandra) Oh.

You Guys, You Know Amanda Got Us
Seats Right Next To You,

So You Bettebehave.

I'm Gonna Keep
My Eye On You.

Shall We?

??

(Betty's Voice) "Youabou T
Tor A Cough.

That's Me Saying Hello."
(Betty Coughs)

* ...By My Frank Analysis *

* Think Of It
As Personality Dialysis *

* Now That I' Chosen
To Become A Pal, A Sister *

* An Advisor,
There's Nobody Wiser... *
(Cell Phone Buzzes)

(Henry's Voice) "You're About
To Hear A Sneeze.

That's Me Saying Hello."
(Henry Sneezes)

* And With An Assist
M Frome...*

(Gio) You're About
To Hear A Gagging.

That's Me, Gagging.

* Nothing That Can Stop You
From Becoming Popular... *

Looks Like Your Boss
To Put The Mn His Mother.

Well, That Ridiculous.

It's Business.
He A Total Professional.

Yeah, Professional Dog.

Shh.

Check It Out.

He's Gonna Do The Old
"Armrest Boob Graze."

(Sandra) Mmm.

Daniel.

What?
What Areou Doing?

Are You Trying To Put
The Moves On That Client?

No. Maybe.
Look, I Know You Want To Try
And Save The Magazine,

But You Don't Have To
Reduce Yourself

To Seductive Bb Grazing--
Shh.

I--
You Shh.
You're Better Than This.

No, Alexiss
Better Than This.

She Knows How
To Sell The Magazi.

I Know
How To Sell Myself.

(Gio) Great.

Now I Missed
The Whole Song.

Nails At 10:00 A.M.
Mm-Hmm.

Makeup At 11:00 A.M.
And Hair At 12:30.

Mnh-Mnh. 12:30's
Too Early For Hair.

What If It's Windy?

I'll Make Sure
It Isn't.

Who Ordered Steak
For Two

And Chocolate Souffl?
For Desert?

Mm, I Don't Know,
But I'm Taking Them.

Tip Him $5.
He Needs A Haircut
Okay.

But--
Mmm.

But That Was From Craft,
For Us.

I Thought I'd Surprise You
For Your Dinner Break.

She Doesn't Give
Dinner Breaks.

Wilhelmina Treats
All White People Like Slaves.

Something About Payback.

Ooh,Hat Kate Moss Is Hot.
I Would So Go Girl For Her

Hey, I Shot Those, And If I
Were A Girl, I'd Dher, Too.

Amanda, Right?
Oh,
Let's Not Bother Her.

Marc, Introduce Us.

(Marc) Oh, Didn't I?

This Is...
My Friend, Cliff.

My Friend? (Chuckles)

My Friend? My Friend?

(Low Voice) I Don't Think
He's Your Iend.

You're Right. I'm Not.
I'm His Boyfriend.

Or Should I Say "Was"?
(Normal Voice) Boyfriend?

Was. Was?

Good-Bye, Marc.
You're Pathetic.

Where Are You Going?

I Have Too Much Respect
For Myself To Put Up With This.

Now If You'll Excuse Me,

I'm Going Home
To Binge On Pasta.

(Wilheina)
Did Someone Say "Pasta"?

And We Can't Just Let Him
Loose Anywhere, You Know.

We've Got To Find
Someplace Safe.

You Think I'm
Really Stupid, Don't You?
No, Not Reallystupid.

(Audience Laughs)
(Man) Why Is It
Every Time I See You,

You're Causing
Some Sort Of Commotion?
(Woman) I Don't Cause???

What Are You Doing?

Pretending To Be
Your Boyfriend.

Well, Stop.

(Woman) You Think
I Want To Care This Much?

Do You Think I Don't Know How
Much Easier My Life Would Be--

(Man) Do You Ever Let
Anyone Else Talk?

(Low Voice) You Know, You're
Sending A Lot Of Mixed Signals.
Shut Up.

What?

My Brother's Totally Macking
On Your Girlfriend.

(Woman) ..And Self-Absorbed
You Pretend To Be--
(Man) Oh, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.

Excuse Me.
There Is No Pretense Here.
(Cell Phone Buzzes)

I Happen To Be Genuinely
Self-Absorbed.
(Henry's Voice) "Lobby. Now."

What's So Important?

Why Did That Sandwich Guy
Have His Arm Around You?
He Was Pretending.

Well, It Didn't Look
Like He Was Pretending.

Oh, This Lie! Look At What
It's Doing To Us.

This Isn't The Date
I Wanted To Have.
Yeah, But It's??

And You Sure Seem
To Be Enjoying It.

At? Wait A Minute. Henry,
You Got Another Girl Pregnant.

You're Not Allowed
To Be Jealous.

That's Just It.
You Keep Talking About

How Sad You're Going To Be
When I Leave.

But I Have To Leave You.

??

Okay, You And That Guy?
That Is Yourboyfrid?

Look, I Know
He's Not My Type.

Not Your Type?
It's Like He Ate Your Type.

Okay, But What You Don't Know
Is That He's Really Sweet.

He Wrote Me A Poem And Left It
On My Bathroom Mirror.

He Met Tyrese At
A Photo Shoot

And Got Him To Call Me
On My Cell Phone.

And Sometimes, He Does
This Thing Where He Pretends

Like His Belly Button Is
A Mouth, And He Puts On

A Little Puppet Show For Me,
And He Calls Him Mr. Gutley.

(Deepens Voice) "Hello,
I'm Mr. Gutley."

(Coughs) "Lint.
Excuse Me."

Who... Are... You?

(Normal Voice) Oh,
I Don't Know Anymore.

I Never Liked
A Guy Like Cliff. Oh!

What Do I Do? Let Him Go Just
Because He Doesn't Use Product?

Cliff Or Mr. Guty?

Oh, That Stupid Belly Button
Makes Me Laugh!

I Don't Wanna End Up Sad
And Alone Like Wilhelmina.
Oh.

I Mean, Her Own Daughter
Makes Up An Excuse

Not To Come
To Her Wedding.

Wait, I Thought Nico
Got Bit By A Monkey.

A Monkey? (Scoffs) Please.

And Wilhelmina's
Marrying Bradford For Love.

Willie... (Singsongy Voice)
Look What I Found

In Amanda's
Secret Food Drawer.

Pork Rinds.

No, Thank You.

(Normal Voice)
Listen...

About What You Heard,
I Didn't Mean--

We're Done For Tonight.

Are You Sure?

I Guess E... Reason
Why I Was Putting Off

Finding Another
Maid Of Honor

Was Because I Hoped That
Nico Would Change Her Mind.

But Apparently
She Hates Me.

She Doesn't Hate You.

Oh, Marc, Monkey Bite?

But You're Wrong
About Me Being Alone.

I Have Hundreds Of Backstabbing,
Two-Faced, Superficial Friends

That Are Pouring In
From All Over The Globe

To Be Part
Of This Wedding.

Any Of Them Would Be Thrilled
To Be My Maid Of Honor.

Wilhelmina Slater
R Victoria Beckham, Please.

Yes, I'll Hold.

Oh, Marc,
I Forgot To Ask.

Who Are You Bringing
To The Wedding?

I Get A Plus One?

Well, We Wouldn't Want You
To End Up Sad And Alone.

Vicki, Love, It's Willie.

How Is My Best Friend
In The Whole Wide World?

??

??

I Really Screwed Up.

(Sandra) Daniel,
What Are You Up To?

Come On.

(Daniel) Come On.
Down Here, Sandra.

Quick. In Here.

There

Oh, Daniel.
We Are Being So Bad.

Come On. She's Green.
She's A Witch.

Girl Power. Rah, Rah, Rah.
I Think We Get It.

I Just Simply
Can't Be Seduced

In A Room Full
Of Nylon And Fleece.
All Right. Well,

That Is Betty's Coat.
I...

Mm. You Really Should
Give That Girl A Raise.

Uh, Sandra...

I Can't.

Well, Then Don't
Give Her A Raise.

Everyone Gets So Touchy
About Money.

No, No, No, No. I... Sandra,
You're Beautiful. I Just...

I Can't Seduce You To Get
You To Buy Ads In Our Magazine.

I'm Not Letting You
Seduce Me For My Ads.

I'm Letting You Seduce Me
Ause You Got A Great Ass.

Really?
Mm-Hmm.

Well, I Have Added Squats
To My Workout Lately.

All Right, Putting The Sex Aside
For A Minute,
Oh.

What Do I Have To Do
To Get Your Advertising?

Well, Why Should I
Move Over From "Glamour"?

Well, Winthrop Jewelry's Revenue
Has Dropped 15%

In The Last Quarter Alone,
Righ

"Mode" Can Help You
Get To The Future Clientele--

The 18 To 49s
That You've Been Missing.

Yes, I Have Been Missing
Those 18 To 49 Year Olds.

In The Last Year Alone,
"Mode" Has Increed

In That Demographic 12%.

Other Magazines Have Dropped.

"Mod Has Always Stayed
In Mode.

Bet You're Proud
Of That One, Huh?
A Little.

Well, You Actually Made
Some Good Points.

I'll Tell You What, Sugar,

I'll Have My Ad Rep
Call You In The Morning.

Maybe We Should, Uh,
Go Out And Celebrate, Huh?

You're A Smart Guy, Daniel,
And That Tush Is Darling,

But Frankly, Smart Guys
Are A Turn-Off.

(Gulps)
Should I Be Insulted?

That Door's Gotta Be
Around Here Somewhere.
(Gasps)

Oh, My God. We Can't Be Here.
They've Got Theater Cops.

Well, Come On.
Come On.

(Woman)
Well, Are You Comi?

What If They Find Us
In Here?

You Know What?
Who Cares?

This Is The First Time
We've Been Alone All Night.

What Was That?
I Don't Care.

Whoa.

What The...

Oh, My God.
It's Moving.

(Woman) What The...

Holy Crap.

Smile, Betty.
We're On Broadway.

Ay, Okay, We're Going.

I Can't Believe They Banned Us
From "Wicked" For Life.

I Can't Believe
Daniel Saw Us.

He Knows About Us.
We're Screwed.

Betty, Betty, Calm Down.
We'll Figure Ts All Out.

Let's Just Get
Out Of Here, Okay?

Uh, Wait--Wait, Um,
I Forgot My Purse And My Coat.

Uh, Can You Just Grab
A Cab And I'll Meet You?

Yeah, Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

Betty.

Daniel.

You Lied To Me.

Okay, Uh,
I'm Dating Henry.

And Now You Can Call Me Crazy,
And You Can Fire Him,

And You Can Totally
Manipulate My Life,

But I Can't Keep
Pretending Anymore.

You're Gonna Get
Your Heart Broken.

It's My Heart.
What Does That Mean?

You'reot Gonna Be Devastated
When He Leaves You?

What, You're Above That?

You Know, The One Thing
I Always Thought You H

Was Good Judgment,
But Right Now, Thi-

I Don't Understand
Why You're Being So Stupid.

Stupid.

Thank You.

Betty, I Got A Cab.
What's Wrong?

Henry, I'm Sorry,

But I Don't Think
I Can Do This...

Uh...

Not Tonight.

You And Henry?

Pregna Henry?

Have You Two Even...

No.
Tonight Was Supposed To Be...

You Know What? It Doesn't
Even Matter Anymore.

Wow, Betty.

I Know, And Please Just
Don't Tell Me How Stupid I Am.

I Can't Ar To Hear
That From You, Too.

Oh, No, No, No, No, No.
You're Stupid.
Hilda.

You Only Have Five Months
Left With Henry,

And You're Here Talking To Me.

You Know, If Someone Told Me
I Could Have

One More Minute With Santos,

Do You Think
I Would Turn That Down

Because It Wld Hurt
When It Was Over?

I Guess Not.
Mnh-Mnh.

But W-What If--
What Are You
Still Doing Here?

There Is A Man Out There
Who Loves You.

Go.
The Clock Is Ticking.

Uh... Okay.

Yeah.

Okay, Thank You.
Thank You. Thank You.

Mwah. Thank You
For Understanding.
Oh.

Okay, Okay.

Oh, But, Um,

Maybe We Shouldn't
Tell Dad.

Oh, Yeah, No.
I'm Romantic, Not Crazy.

Okay.
(Laughs)

What?

Grandpa And I Need To Talk
To You In The Kitchen.

It's About Your Job.
I Had To Tell Him.

Ay. Look. I Don't Wanna Hear It
From Either One Of You--

About The Job,
About The Iform.

I Didn't Have A Choice.
It's The Only Job I Could Get.

(Both) Surprise!

A Hair Dryer?

We Pooled Our Money.
Justin Sold Some Playbills.

Yosold The Merman?
Well, It's For
Your New Salon.

"The Sweet Hair-After."
Betty Came Up With The Name.

(Ignacio) We're Gonna Set You Up
On The Outside Porch.

I Could Evenake
My Famous Coffee Cake

For Your Customers.
You Guys, You're Crazy.

I Couldn't Last
At A Salon For A Day.

Think I Could
Run My Own Business?

You Didn't Last
'Cause You Have A Bimouth.

Chico!

But That Doesn't Mean
You Should Give Up Your Dreams.

We Just Think It's Time U
Tried Being Your Own Boss, Okay?

If It Doesn't Work Out,
You Can Fire Yourself.

Oh, Papi.

Come Here, You.

Oh.

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