Ugly Betty (2006–2010): Season 2, Episode 2 - Family/Affair - full transcript

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QIANQING

I'm ????

It's my baby,I have to ???

DR.???

MAYBE ???

U WILL ???

MAYBE IF WE CAN FIND OUT
WHO YOUR REAL FATHER IS....
(Amanda scoffs)

He could be anybody.

THEY DENIED MY VISA.

I HAVE TO STAY HERE
FOR I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG.

I MAY NOT HAVE "MODE,"
BUT VERY SOON,



I WILL HAVE EVERYTHING ELSE,
INCLUDING YOUR HUSBAND.

ALEXIS, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME
ALEXIS?

IT'S ME, ALEX.

THIS WHOLE THING WITH HENRY,
IT FINALLY GOT TO ME.

(Daniel) HENRY'S GONE.

I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
FOR MY KID.

(sobs)
OH, GOD, HE'S GONE.

"AND IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES
WHICH CHALLENGE US ????

I'm remind??? FAMILIES"...

AND I ???

DON'T WORRY.
NO ONE NOTICED.

AND I WAS SAYING,
"LIKE ALL GREAT FAMILIES,

WE WILL PULL THROUGH THIS
TOGETHER."



BRAVA! BRAVA!

BRAVA!
(applause)

SO THAT IS
MY LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

COMMENTING ON THE RECENT
MEADE FAMILY MISFORTUNES.

BETTY?

UM, I'M SORRY, BUT SHOULDN'T
THE LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

BE WRITTEN BY THE EDITOR--
DANIEL?

OH, BETTY,

DEAR, PIE-EYED,
PIE-EATING BETTY.

HIS SISTER
HAS LOST HER MEMORY.

HE'S STILL IN A WHEELCHAIR.

NOW I KNOW HE PAYS YOU FOR YOUR
SOUTH-OF-THE-BORDER SPIRIT,

BUT LET'S GIVE DANIEL
A BREAK.

BUT HE'S FINE.
HE COULD TOTALLY DO--

OKAY, PEOPLE,????

LET'S GET TO WORK.

(woman) DR. FINE, PROCTOLOGY.
DR. FINE...

PARTIAL RETROGRADE AMNESIA

THE LAST THING
ALEXIS REMEMBERS

IS MOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY
TWO YEARS AGO.

NOTHING SINCE THEN. BLANK.

SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER
BECOMING A WOMAN.

LOOK AT HER.

SHE'S BEEN DOING THAT
ALL NIGHT.

AS FAR AS ALEXIS KNOWS,
WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW
MOM AND DAD ARE DIVORCED.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW MOM
ESCAPED FROM PRISON,

OR WAS IN PRISON,
FOR THAT MATTER.

BETTY?

SORRY. I WAS JUST TRYING
TO PUT MYSELF IN HER SHOES.

OKAY,
ARE YOU READY TO GO?

NO, NO, NO, NO. I CAN'T.
I GOTTA STAY WITH HER.

I'M THE REASON SHE'S HERE
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

WHAT? NO. DANIEL, WILHELMINA HAS
BEEN RUNNING "MODE" BY HERSELF.

SHE HASN'T TAKEN
ANY OF YOUR CHANGES,

AND SHE WROTE
THE LETTER FROM THE EDITOR.

THE ISSUE SHIPS TOMORROW.

DON'T YOU AT LEAST
WANT TO SIGN OFF ON THE BOOK?

SEE, THAT'S ANOTHER THING.
HOW I AM SUPPOSED TO TELL ALEXIS

OUR FATHER
IS MARRYING WILHELMINA?

SO THAT'S A YES
ON SEEING THE BOOK?
YEAH, GET THE BOOK.

(Alexis) DANIEL?

IS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

CLAIRE MEADE IS STILL AT LARGE

AFTER ESCAPING FROM RIKERS
THREE WEEKS AGO.

CLAIRE, IF YOU'RE WATCHING,
LOSE THE ANKLE BRACELET.

CHUNKY IS OUT.

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A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR
IN THIS ONE

AND A PIECE OF BRADFORD'S
EAR HAIR IN THIS ONE.

HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW
HOW TO DO THAT?

D.N.A. TESTING?
OH, NOT THE FIRST TIME.

SO IN 24 HOURS,
WE WILL HAVE CONCLUSIVE PROOF

IF BRADFORD MEADE
IS YO' DADDY.

OH. (giggles)

YOU OKAY?
I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST STARE
AT HER PICTURE ALL DAY,

AND THEN I STARE AT MYSELF
IN THE MIRROR.

MORE THAN USUAL?
YEAH.

OH.
I JUST WISH
I GOT TO KNOW HER BETTER.

YEAH, YEAH, AND I WISH

I GOT TO KNOW MARLON BRANDO
BEFORE HE GOT FAT,

BUT CAN WE CUT
TO WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE?

THERE'S A FEY SOMMERS ESTATE
OUT THERE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.

HAVE YOU HEARD
FROM THE LAWYERS YET?

I SHOULD BE GETTING THE NEWS
LATER TODAY.

JUST WAITING TO HEAR
FROM THE PROBATE JUDGE.

MOM, ALL THE BOXES
ARE STILL HERE.

YEAH, I KNOW.
I'M STILL GOING THROUGH THEM.

YOUR FATHER HAD
A LOT OF GREAT STUFF AT HIS APARTMENT,
LIKE THESE.

YOU CAN'T FIND THESE
ANYWHERE.

MOM, WE'RE IN QUEENS.
YOU CAN FIND THOSE EVERYWHERE.

THEY WERE YOUR FATHER'S.
WE'RE KEEPING THEM.

HERE'S YOUR LUNCH
FOR YOUR FIRST DAY AT "MODE,"

MR. BIG SHOT INTERN!

YOU WANT ME
TO BRING MY LUNCH?

MOM,
THE FAMOUS "MODE" CAFETERIA?

WHERE NAOMI CAMPBELL HAD
A TUNA MELT AND A MELTDOWN?

THEY NOW HAVE IT
ON THE MENU--

THE NAOMI CAMPBELL
TUNA MELTDOWN.

(whispers) OH.
YEAH.

(normal voice) DO YOU KNOW
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU?

AND I KNOW YOUR FATHER
WOULD BE, TOO.

OH! MWAH. THAT FACE!

AND CALL RANDY DEZERGA.

SEE IF HE'S FREE
TO SHOOT THE MILAN SHOWS.

WILL DO, WIL.

OH, AND I GOT
A CALL FROM ALEXA D--AAH!

WHAT IS THAT?

DID I FORGET TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO DWAYNE, MY NEW BODYGUARD?

I CAN'T KEEP CHECKING
OVER MY SHOULDER

TO SEE
IF THAT CRAZY CLAIRE MEADE'S

RUNNING AFTER ME
WITH A BOTTLE OF ACID.

SO HE'LL JUST ATTACK ANYONE?

IF HE FEELS I'M IN DANGER.

OH, MY GOD! IT'S CLAIRE MEADE
CHARGING FOR US.

(Betty) HELP!

RELEASE, DWAYNE.

WHOA! EXCUSE ME!
WHAT DO YOU WANT, BETTY?

I WAS JUST... COMING
TO GET THE BOOK

SO DANIEL
COULD SIGN OFF ON IT.

TELL DANIEL THE ISSUE
WILL BE FILLED

WITH PRETTY GIRLS
WEARING SKIMPY LITTLE DRESSES.

THAT'S ALL HE CARES ABOUT
ANYWAY.

BUT I THINK THAT HE REAL--
BYE, BETTY.

BUT HE REAL--
GOOD-BYE, BETTY.

I KNOW THAT--
DWAYNE.

OKAY, OKAY.
I'M LEAVING.

UH, CONFIRM MY LUNCH
WITH NORA EPHRON

AND MAKE SURE DWAYNE
GETS A SET OF MY HOUSE KEYS.

MARC...
OH.

YOU KNOW DANIEL
NEEDS TO SEE THE BOOK

BEFORE IT GOES
TO THE PRINTER.

COME ON.
PLEASE. THIS IS MY JOB.

COULDN'T I JUST BORROW IT
FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR?

GET AWAY FROM MY DESK, OR I'LL ???

WHAT ARE THESE?

THIS SAYS
"TO DANIEL MEADE."

THEY'RE JUST SOME NOTES
FROM THE EDITORS.

DON'T YOU WORRY
YOUR BUSHY LITTLE HEAD ABOUT IT.

WILHELMINA'S
ALREADY APPROVED THEM.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

HE HASN'T EVEN SEEN THEM!
OOPS.

NOW I REALLY NEED
TO SEE THAT BOOK.

LOOK, IT'S ????

SO I COULDN'T
GIVE IT TO YOU

EVEN IF I WANTED TO,
WHICH I DON'T.

OH, DWAYNE.
IT'S A KEY. DON'T EAT IT.

MARC, I NEED TO FIRE CHLOE
IN PRODUCTION.

I WANT YOU TO STAND NEXT TO ME
AND NOD THOUGHTFULLY.
MM.

BYE.

HEY, YOU.

HENRY?

-==http://www.ragbear.com==-
Ƭ?? ??N????N??

-=????????Ļ??=-
???룺????ID
У?ԣ?????ID
ʱ???᣺j???ҷ???&&Uranus


HI.

HENRY.
YOU'RE NOT IN TUCSON.

I AM. I-I MEAN, I WAS.

OH.

A-AND I'M GOING BACK.

OH.

I-I-I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT SANTOS.

YEAH, THANKS. I GOT THE FLOWERS.
THAT WAS VERY SWEET.

SO, UH, EVERYTHING
WITH THE BABY AND...

YEAH. YEAH, IT'S ALL GOING
ACCORDING TO PLAN.

I'VE GOT MY BABY BOOKS,

I'M TAKING THE INFANT
C.P.R. CLASS.

BUT, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.

HENRY,
IT'S OKAY TO BE EXCITED.

I REALLY AM.

THERE'S SOMETHING
ABOUT BECOMING A FATHER.

YOU KNOW, I COULD WORK
MY WHOLE LIFE

AND NEVER BE
THE BEST ACCOUNTANT,

BUT MAYBE I-I CAN BE
THE BEST DAD.

I THINK YOU WILL BE.

LISTEN,
THE REASON I'M HERE...

UH-HUH.

I COULDN'T REALLY FIND
A GREAT JOB IN TUCSON,

AND THE MEADE HEALTH INSURANCE
WOULD COVER

ALL THE MEDICAL EXPENSES
FOR THE BABY, SO--

OH. SO YOU'RE COMING
BACK TO WORK.

ONLY IF IT'S OKAY
WITH YOU, BETTY.

IF YOU THINK IT'S A PROBLEM,
I'LL TURN DOWN THE JOB,

BECAUSE I KNOW,
IT--IT MIGHT BE WEIRD.

NO!
NO?

I MEAN "NO"

IT'S ????

NOT "NO," DON'T TAKE THE JOB.
WHY WOULD IT BE WEIRD?

BECAUSE WE GOT
A LITTLE ROMANTIC?

WE WERE YOUNG
AND INNOCENT THEN.

AH, YOUTH. BUT EVERYTHING'S
COOL BETWEEN US.

WE COULD JUST BE FRIENDS.
BUDDIES.

BUDDIES?

YEAH, YOU KNOW,
LIKE, "HEY, BUDDY."

UH, "WHAT'S UP, BUDDY?"

UH, "WHAT'S THE DILLYO?"

"DILLYO"?

I CAN'T BE BUDDIES WITH HIM.
AND HE WAS ALL LIKE,

"OH, ARE YOU OKAY
WITH ME WORKING HERE?"

WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO SAY, NO?

"NO, YOU CAN'T MAKE MONEY
FOR YOUR BABY."

DOWN WITH BABIES!
(baby cries)

BETTY, YOU NEED TO TELL HIM
MAYBE THE BABY ISN'T EVEN HIS.

AND MAYBE IT IS.
I MEAN, WHO KNOWS?

IF CHARLIE
WAS HAVING SEX WITH FARKAS,

SHE WAS PROBABLY HAVING SEX
WITH A MILLION GUYS.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW SHE'S A SLUT.
THE BABY COULD BE ANYBODY'S.

IT COULD BE THAT GUY'S. HEY,
DID YOU SLEEP WITH CHARLIE?

YOU MIGHT BE HAVING A BABY.

BETTY, HENRY NEEDS
TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

WELL, NOT FROM ME. I'M NOT
BREAKING APART A FAMILY.

I'VE GOT ENOUGH DRAMA
IN MY LIFE.

MY DAD IS STUCK IN MEXICO.
HE CAN'T COME HOME.

THAT'S MORE THAN
I CAN DEAL WITH RIGHT NOW.

OKAY, WE'RE HERE.

WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"WE'RE HERE"?

OH, DIDN'T I TELL YOU?

WE'RE BREAKING
INTO WILHELMINA'S APARTMENT.

WHAT?

NOW YOU NEED SUNSCREEN.
HEY.

BETTY'S SON.
NEPHEW.

MEH.

SO I'M SORRY
ABOUT YOUR... MOTHER?
FATHER.

YES, YES. WE SIGN
SO MANY CARDS HERE.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING
AT "MODE"?

YOU AND YOUR LITTLE BAND
OF RUFFIANS PICKING POCKETS?

MY AUNT BETTY GOT ME
A SUMMER INTERNSHIP.

OH. GET THAT FOR ME

THIS COULD BE FUN.
DO YOU NEED ANYTHING DONE?

BETTY HAS ME SHARPENING PENCILS.
I MEAN, I LOVE HER, BUT YAWN.

YEAH, HOW DO YOU LIVE
WITH THAT? LET'S SEE.

WILHELMINA NEEDS
HER CONTACTS UPDATED.

ANY INTEREST?

THIS IS WILHELMINA'S?

MM-HMM.

GOOD AFTERNOON.
I'M LOOKING FOR AMANDA TANEN.

I'M FROM RICHMAN,
BRETT AND JACOBS.

THE LAWYERS?
WHAT DO I GET? AM I RICH?

I TAKE IT
YOU'RE AMANDA TANEN.

OH, MY GOD.DO I get this watch?

THAT IS MINE.
PLEASE SIGN THIS.

WHAT ABOUT
THE CIGARETTE CASE?

PLEASE STOP TOUCHING MY THINGS.

SO IT APPEARS
MISS SOMMERS' TOWN HOUSE,

WARDROBE AND AUTOMOBILES

WERE AUCTIONED OFF
AT THE TIME OF HER DEATH,

AND THE PROCEEDS
WERE GIVEN TO CHARITY.

YOU MEAN IT'S ALL GONE?

NOT EVERYTHING.

THIS IS FOR YOU.

AAH! WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S YOUR MOTHER'S
BELOVED DOG HALSTON.

NICE TRY, SLICK,

BUT YOU'RE NOT STICKING ME
WITH THIS GREMLIN.

DID I HAPPEN TO MENTION

THERE'S A $1,000-A-WEEK
ALLOWANCE

FOR WHOEVER AGREES
TO CARE FOR HIM?

OH!

OH, YES.

(baby talk voice)
WHO'S THE LITTLE BABY?

SO YOU TOLD ALEXIS
ABOUT YOUR MOTHER AND FEY?

LOOK, SHE FOUND OUT
ABOUT MOM ON TV,

BUT I AM NOT GONNA
BE THE ONE TO TELL ALEXIS

YOU DIVORCED MOM
TO MARRY WILHELMINA,

OR THAT YOU REJECTED
YOUR OWN CHILD

BECAUSE SHE BECAME A WOMAN.

I HAVE NO PROBLEM
TELLING ALEXIS THE TRUTH.

THEN GREAT. HER ROOM'S
RIGHT DOWN THERE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE ACTUALLY
IN LUCIFER'S CHAMBER...

BEELZEBUB'S LAIR...

THE DEVIL'S RUMPUS ROOM.

OOH, LOOK. A PHOTOGRAPH
OF WILHELMINA WITH DICK CHENEY.

CHRISTINA, PLEASE STOP
ENJOYING YOURSELF AND HELP.

WE'VE GOT TO GET THE BOOK
AND GET OUT OF HERE.

(whispers) THE BEDROOM.

(normal voice) SATAN'S BOUDOIR.
VAMPIRA'S--
STOP IT.

10 BUCKS SAYS
THERE'S A COAT IN THERE

MADE OUT
OF DALMATIAN PUPPIES.

(gasps) HERE IT IS.
I GOT IT. HERE IT IS.

WHO IS THAT?
(Wilhelmina speaking
indistinctly)

WILHELMINA'S SUPPOSED
TO BE AT LUNCH WITH NORA EPHRON.

(man laughs)
THAT'S NOT NORA EPHRON.

THAT'S A MAN.
IT'S MR. MEADE.

THEY'RE HERE FOR A QUICKIE,
AN AFTERNOON DELIGHT.

AFTERNOON DE--
THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANS?

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT SONG
TILL JUST NOW.
(door closes)

OKAY, UM, UNDER THE BED.

(gasps)
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

(Wilhelmina) I'M SO HAPPY
TO GET OUT OF THAT OFFICE.

THIS IS JUST SO DECADENT.

EVERYONE AT THE OFFICE THINKS I'M HAVING LUNCH
WITH THE GREAT NORA EPHRON.

LITTLE DO THEY KNOW,

NORA'S BEEN COVERING
MY DAYTIME ROMPS FOR YEARS.

YOU SEEM A LITTLE TENSE.
HOW ABOUT A BACK RUB?

(whispers)
THAT'S NOT MR. MEADE.

CAN I BE ON TOP THIS TIME?

DON'T BE STUPID.

(TWO HOURS?)

(I HAVE TO PEE)

WELL, THAT WAS RELAXING.

I DO LOVE
AN AFTERNOON DELIGHT.

IS THAT
WHAT THAT SONG MEANS?

COME, DWAYNE.

I THINK I NEED SOME PROTECTING
IN THE SHOWER.

(man) AND THE PITCH.
BALL THREE...

OH, COME ON.
THAT WAS A STRIKE, YOU IDIOT!

NOT INTERRUPTING, AM I?

(scoffs)
JUST ANOTHER BLOWN SAVE.

YEAH, WE COULD STILL USE
A GOOD CLOSER.

I SEE THERE'S SOME OF ALEX
STILL IN THERE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT'S UP, DAD?

YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME THAT
IN YEARS.

WELL, I-I WAS A LITTLE
HEADSTRONG WHEN I WAS ALEX.

MAYBE ALEXIS CAN HAVE
A SOFTER TOUCH.

MAYBE I CAN, TOO.

OKAY, WILHELMINA'S CONTACTS
ARE COMPLETELY REORGANIZED.

ALSO, I INVENTORIED
ALL THE GOWNS THAT SHE WORE

ON THE RED CARPET LAST YEAR
AND BOOKED HER TRAVEL TO PARIS

FOR THIS SEASON'S
COUTURE SHOWS.

AND WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

I DID IT IN UNDER AN HOUR.

AN HOUR?

YOU WANT
TO KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING?

PRICING WEIMARANERS,
GETTING A PLUMBER FOR THE HOUSE IN BEDFORD,

SENDING WARREN BEATTY A 60th--

YEAH, RIGHT--BIRTHDAY CARD,
TELLING DAVID SEDARIS

HIS 5,000-WORD PIECE
IS NOW A 50-WORD PIECE,

GETTING YELLED AT
BY DAVID SEDARIS

AND ASKING CHRIS ROCK
TO WRITE A 10-MINUTE TOAST

THAT WILHELMINA
IS GIVING TO PATTY HEARST

TO MARK THE 33rd ANNIVERSARY
OF HER KIDNAPPING--

AND THAT IS ALL
IN THE LAST FIVE MINUTES.

WOW.

YEAH, THAT'S HOW
THIS LADY ROLLS.
(telephone rings)

HANG ON.
WILHELMINA SLATER'S OFFICE.

OH, MY GOD.

IT'S COMING UP NOW?

THE CONTRACT RIDER
FOR SHAKIRA'S PHOTO SHOOT

IS ARRIVING AS WE SPEAK.

IN IT IS A LIST
OF EVERYTHING SHE NEEDS

FOR HER DRESSING ROOM.

AMBITIOUS SUCK-UPS!

I MEAN... INTERNS!

WRITE THIS DOWN.
EVERYTHING.

I'M DOING OKAY, PAPI.

I JUST--I MISS HIM SO MUCH.

I know, Mija,

BUT IT'LL GET BETTER.

????

YEAH. AT LEAST
I HAVE HIS THINGS.

WHAT THINGS?

I WENT AND I CLEANED OUT
HIS APARTMENT.

A LOT OF HIS STUFF LOOKS
REALLY GOOD IN OUR PLACE.

REALLY? I DON'T REMEMBER SANTOS
HAVING SUCH GOOD TASTE.

You're crazy.

HE HAD SUCH AN EYE.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.

Sweetheart, um,

I know everything
holds a memory for you now,

BUT ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT
GETTING A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY?

When your mother died,

I couldn't let go
of any of her things--

HER CLOTHES, HER KEY CHAIN.

I EVEN FOUND
AN OLD RESTAURANT CHECK

FROM PIETRO'S IN BAYSIDE.

IT WAS FROM THE NIGHT
WE GOT ENGAGED.

YOUR MOTHER HAD SAVED IT
ALL THOSE YEARS,

AND WHEN I SAW IT, I...

I REALIZED I DIDN'T NEED
ALL HER THINGS.

I HAD HER HEART.

SO I KEPT THE CHECK...

AND GOT RID
OF EVERYTHING ELSE.

BUT WHERE IS IT?
I'VE NEVER SEEN IT.

I'M LOOKING AT IT RIGHT NOW.

I REALLY MISS YOU, PAPI.

I MISS U TOO.

(telephone beeps)
HEY, ????

SORRY I'M LATE, MAMA.
I'LL GET THE ENCHILADAS STARTED.

MIRTA'S NOT HERE.

THANK GOD. ENOUGH WITH
THE BEANS AND CHEESE.

YOU WANNA ORDER CHINESE?

BEANS, CHINESE?

(speaks Spanish)

ARE YOU OKAY?

I WAS JUST TALKING TO HILDA.

YOU GET LIKE THIS
EVERY TIME YOU CALL.

YOUR VISA WILL COME THROUGH.
YOU'LL BE HOME SOON.

I'M SO TIRED OF HEARING THAT!

I DON'T WANT
TO WAIT ANY LONGER, CLARA!

MY DAUGHTER BURIED
THE LOVE OF HER LIFE,

AND I COULDN'T BE THERE
TO HOLD HER.

MAYBE I SHOULD
JUST GET THERE ON MY OWN.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
FORGET THE VISA.

I'LL JUST GET ACROSS THE BORDER
ANOTHER WAY.

I'VE DONE IT BEFORE.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE.

TREAT ME LIKE A CRIMINAL,
I'LL BE ONE.

I WANNA GO HOME.

WELL, THEN...

IF YOU THINK
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY,

I MIGHT KNOW SOMEONE
WHO CAN HELP YOU.

DWAYNE, PLEASE HURRY.

I SMELL A BURRITO.

THIS IS EMBARRASSING.

A.J., YOU WERE ASSIGNED
NUMBER SIX ON SHAKIRA'S RIDER.

READ THAT TO ME.

"ONE BOX OF BENDY STRAWS"?

UH-HUH. BENDY STRAWS!

NOW LET'S TAKE A LOOK
AT WHAT YOU BROUGHT BACK.

OKAY, SO I'M SHAKIRA, AND I
WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A DRINK,

SO I TAKE A STRAW,
AND I PUT IT IN MY CUP.

A--OH, BUT WHAT'S THIS?

IT DOESN'T BEND?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DRINK?
LIKE--LIKE THIS?

THIS ISN'T COMFORTABLE.
I CAN'T DRINK LIKE THIS.

AM I SOME KIND OF ANIMAL? NO.
YO SOY SHAKIRA!

AND I WILL NOT BE HOLDING
MY DRINK DOWN AROUND MY CHIN

LIKE SOME SAVAGE
IF I'M THIRSTY!

NOW THIS STRAW DEBACLE
IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.

ONLY ONE OF OF YOU--
ONE--

GOT HIS LIST CORRECT.

JUSTIN.

THE REST OF YOU CAN LEAVE.

JUSTIN, YOU ARE
IN CHARGE OF EVERYTHING.

AWESOME.

GO.

I HAVE A TASK FOR YOU.

HMM?

I NEED DIRT
ON BETTY SUAREZ.

I'M HEARING YOU LOUD AND CLEAR,
WILHE-MEISTER.

OKAY, CHOCOLATE ALMOND MILK.

I THINK THAT THERE'S
A HEALTH STORE ON 59th.

OH, PFFT! THERE'S PLENTY
OF TIME FOR THAT.

I WAS JUST THINKING,

WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT OUR FAMILIES.

YOU GO FIRST.

I'M LOOKING FOR
A PACKAGE FOR ALEXIS.

IRONIC, AS I SAY THAT
OUT LOUD.

(sniffs) OH!
WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

I THINK
IT'S THAT DOG.

IT IS NOT THAT DOG.

IT SMELLS LIKE ASS.

YEAH, AND WHEN YOU'RE 84, YOU'RE
GONNA SMELL LIKE ASS, TOO.

LEAVE HALSTON ALONE.

HE WAS A GIFT TO ME
FROM MY MOTHER.

I GET $1,000 A WEEK
TO TAKE CARE OF HIM,

WHICH MEANS $5 FOR DOG FOOD,

AND THE NEW BALENCIAGA BAG
FOR ME.
(wheezes)

(gasps)
IS HE SUPPOSED TO
TIP OVER LIKE THAT?

OH, MY GOD!

AMANDA! OH, THERE YOU ARE!
IS DANIEL IN HIS OFFICE?

I DON'T KNOW WHERE DANIEL IS.
I HAVE TO GO TO THE VET!

HANG ON, HALSTON.
DON'T QUIT ON ME.

WELL, IF HE WASN'T
AT THE HOSPITAL,

THEN WHERE COULD HE BE?

JUSTIN, ARE YOU DOING OKAY?

CAN'T TALK.
LOOKING FOR GUA JUICE.

WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH

IF WILHELMINA'S
BOINKING THE BODYGUARD?

BECAUSE DANIEL IS LOOKING
FOR SOMETHING

TO INCRIMINATE WILHELMINA,
AND HE COULD USE THIS--

(gasps)
OH!

GOOD, YOU'RE BACK.
WILHELMINA WANTS TO SEE YOU.

OH, UM, OKAY, YEAH, GREAT.

I JUST HAVE SOME THINGS
THAT I NEED TO FINISH UP,

AND I'LL STOP BY HER OFFICE
ON THE WAY OUT.

NO, YOU WON'T.

SHE'S WAITING FOR YOU
RIGHT NOW... ON THE ROOF.

THE ROOF?

THE ROOF.

HELLO?

WILHELMINA?

I BELIEVE YOU LOST SOMETHING.

THANK YOU, MARC.
YOU CAN GO NOW.

YOU SURPRISE ME, BETTY.

STEALING MY KEYS?

BREAKING INTO MY APARTMENT?
TAKING THE BOOK?

GOOD FOR YOU.
YOU'RE... GROWING.

LOOK, I WAS JUST THERE
FOR THE BOOK.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO HEAR
ANYBODY HAVING SEX.

LOOK, DWAYNE AND I
ARE DEAR OLD FRIENDS.

THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH BRADFORD.

WHOM YOU LOVE, RIGHT?

BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED
IN A MONTH.

WHOM I LOVE MADLY.

DO WE UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER?

WILHELMINA,
I'M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND

THAT MY LOYALTIES
ARE WITH DANIEL,

SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR INVITING ME.

IT WAS VERY WONDERFUL TO SEE
THE ROOF. THANK YOU.

PITY ABOUT YOUR FATHER.

WHAT ABOUT MY FATHER?

OH, I KNOW
THAT HE'S STUCK IN MEXICO.

SHAME. MY FATHER
IS A UNITED STATES SENATOR.

HE HELPS PEOPLE GET
THEIR VISAS ALL THE TIME.

SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

(scoffs) COME ON, GIRL.
I AM BLACK. YOU'RE MEXICAN.

LET'S NOT TALK AROUND IT LIKE
A COUPLE OF DULL WHITE PEOPLE.

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
AND YOUR OLD MAN COMES HOME.

SO LIE TO DANIEL?

NOT LIE,
JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.

YOU THINK ABOUT IT, BETTY,

AND GET BACK TO ME
BY THE END OF THE DAY.

NO PRESSURE.

AFTER ALL, YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S HOLDING ALL THE CARDS.

HEY, BETTY.

WHAT'S UP, BUDDY?

AH!

OW.

HEY.

STILL NOT VERY GOOD
AT THAT.
HEY, I TALKED TO DAD!

OH, UH, YOU OKAY?

OKAY? I'M GREAT!

IT'S JUST WONDERFUL TO KNOW

I HAVE SUCH A SUPPORTIVE FAMILY
AT A TIME LIKE THIS.

SUPPORTIVE?

HE'S TOTALLY SUPPORTIVE
ABOUT ME BECOMING THIS...

WITH THESE.

WILL YOU STOP
GRABBING THEM FOR A SECOND?

DAD... SAID HE WAS OKAY
WITH ALL THIS?

WHAT ELSE
DID HE TELL YOU?

(Justin) AND I GOT
THE SEEDLESS GRAPES,

A TUB OF RED VINES.

THE ONLY THING I COULDN'T FIND
WAS THE SCULLY FOODS

100% ORGANIC, ALL-NATURAL
SOY RICE CAKES.

AH, THE RICE CAKE--

THE SCOURGE OF MANY
A CELEBRITY ASSISTANT.

NEED I MENTION THE '88 MADONNA
"SPEED THE PLOW" TANTRUM?

DON'T SWEAT IT.

YOU STILL HAVE 12 MORE HOURS

BEFORE YOU NEED TO BRING THEM
TO THE SHAKIRA SHOOT.

OH... MY... GOD.

I AM GOING TO
THE SHAKIRA PHOTO SHOOT?
YEP.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?
THESE LIPS DON'T LIE.

THIS IS AMAZING!

I CANNOT WAIT TO TELL MY...

YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU
TOMORROW.

HEY, JUSTIN.

IT'S OKAY.

I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH
A LOT WITH YOUR DAD

AND EVERYTHING, BUT...

IT'S OKAY TO BE HAPPY.

U DID
A GOOD JOB TODAY.

ENJOY IT.

HI.
HI.

I JUST MADE A LITTLE PERSON
FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIS DAY.

I'M A GOOD PERSON.
NO, I'M A GREAT PERSON.

DOES YOUR RAT
HAVE A STRONG SMELL?

HALSTON IS SICK, OKAY?
I JUST TALKED TO THE VET.

HE NEEDS OINTMENTS
AND PATCHES AND PILLS.

OH, MY.
SUDDENLY I AM A CAREGIVER.

ME.
THAT IS SO NOT WHO I AM.

'TIS TRUE. YOU ARE A BIT OF
A MONSTER ON THE INSIDE.

THIS IS HORRIBLE.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE I'D BE
BETTER OFF GETTING RID OF HIM.

HOW COULD YOU?

DAMN IT.

HOW COULD YOU LIE
TO ALEXIS LIKE THAT?

DID I? I DON'T REMEMBER
WHAT I SAID.

WELL, LET'S START WITH HOW
YOU DIDN'T TELL HER

YOU'D REJECT HER
IF SHE GOT A SEX CHANGE.

I THINK YOUR EXACT WORDS WERE,
"YOU'D BE DEAD TO ME."

AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL HER
ABOUT WILHELMINA.

YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED
IN A MONTH, DAD.

YOU'RE RIGHT, DANIEL.
I DIDN'T.

I SAW ALEXIS
LYING IN THAT BED

AND REALIZED I ALMOST LOST
MY CHILD... AGAIN.

THIS IS A CHANCE FOR US TO START
A WHOLE NEW RELATIONSHIP.

NO WAY. YOU ARE NOT SCREWING
WITH HER HEAD LIKE THIS.

IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL HER
THE TRUTH, I AM.

DANIEL... YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO HAVE A CHANCE
TO REWRITE THE PAST.

I NEED TO FIX
THE MISTAKES I MADE.

(Ignacio) MIJA?

DAD?

YOU ALL RIGHT?

DAD, HELME!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

YEAH,
IT'S AOUGH DECISION.

LET ME TELL YOU
WHAT TO DO.

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND GET
MY ASS HOME FROM MEXICO.

BUT DANIEL'S MY BOSS.

OH, YEAH? WELL, DID YOUR BOSS
BRING YOU HOME

IN A LITTLE BLANKIE
FROM THE HOSPITAL?

DID YOUR BOSS TEACH YOU
HOW TO SWIM?

DID YOUR BOSS
PULL YOU OFF THE TRACKS

SECONDS BEFORE A SUBWAY CAR
WAS ABOUT TO CRUSH YOU?

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU DID THAT.
I DIDN'T,

THE FIRST TWO THINGS
WEREN'T IMPRESSIVE ENOUGH.

FAMILY, BETTY. WHAT'S MORE
IMPORTANT THAN FAMILY?

I KNOW, PAPI, I KNOW.
IT'S JUST...

IT'S SO WRONG,

AND WE SHOULD JUST
TRUST THE SYSTEM, RIGHT?

I MEAN, YOU'LL GET
YOUR VISA ON YOUR OWN.

AND ISN'T IT MORE IMPORTANT
FOR ME TO TELL THE TRUTH

I HATE IT
THAT I RAISED YOU RIGHT.

OOH, THOSE SMELL GOOD.

CAN I HAVE SOME?

YOU'RE HELPING DANIEL.

GET DANIEL TO MAKE YOU
ENCHILADAS!

HEY, CHRISTINA,
I WAS WONDERING...

DID YOU KNOW IF,
FOR SOME REASON,

BETTY MIGHT BE
MAD AT ME?

I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I MEAN, YOU DID LEAD HER ON,
THEN RACE OFF TO TUCSON,

THEN AFTER A FEW WEEKS,

ONCE SHE WAS STARTING
TO FEEL A LITTLE BIT BETTER,

SUDDENLY POP BACK INTO
HER LIFE AGAIN.

I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
OH, HENRY.

SHE'S NOT MAD, SHE'S JUST
A LITTLE BIT CONFUSED.

WELL, I'M CONFUSED, TOO.

I MEAN, I KNOW I HAVE
THIS OBLIGATION TO CHARLIE

AND I CAN'T WAIT
TO BE A DAD, BUT...

I JUST... I REALLY MISS
WHAT BETTY AND I HAD.

HENRY, SHE'S MAKING
AN UMPTY OUT OF YOU.
AN UMPTY?

JACKASS.
BETTY?

CHARLIE!
HOW?

(sighs) MM, HENRY...

COME HERE.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS BABY OF YOURS,

'CAUSE SOMEBODY'S GOT TO.

OKAY, HALSTON,
THIS IS YOUR NEW HOME!

ISN'T IT PRETTY?
IT'S SO PRETTY.

SO PRETTY.

CAN I HELP YOU?

HI, I'M LOOKING FOR A NICE NEW
HOME FOR MY SWEET LITTLE DOGGY.

YEAH, WE'LL TAKE IT.
SIGN THIS FORM.

SO IS THERE, LIKE,
A BIG GRASSY AREA IN THE BACK

WHERE THE DOGGIES
CAN RUN AROUND?
SURE, WITH PEANUT BUTTER

AND A POOL SHAPED LIKE
A DOG BONE.

AH!
REALLY?

NO.

HEY, UH, CAN I
AT LEAST SAY GOOD-BYE?

OKAY, HALSTON, I'M SURE
SOMEONE WILL ADOPT YOU.

(snorts) I DON'T KNOW.
THAT IS ONE UGLY DOG.

POT, KETTLE, BLACK.

(Amanda) DO YOU MIND?

THIS DOG BELONGED TO MY MOTHER.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW
YOU'RE DOING THIS?

BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING DOWN
THAT ROAD AGAIN.

MY MOTHER IS GONE,
AND THIS WAS HER DOG.

AND SHE ONCE HELD HIM
JUST LIKE I AM HOLDING HIM NOW.

MM.

YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT HER
THAN I WILL EVER KNOW.

AND SO WHAT IF YOU'RE MANGY
AND DISGUSTING

WITH A WEIRD RASH
ON YOUR BUTT?

ORAYBE THAT IS YOUR BUTT?

BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY CONNECTION
I'LL EVER HAVE TO MY MOTHER.

BACK OFF, CUJO.
I'M TAKING HIM HOME.

HUNGRY?
MM!

I BROUGHT YOU
BARROW STREET BURGERS.

YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER,
BUT YOU ALWAYS LIKED IT.

HEY, I'M NOT PICKY.

UP TILL YESTERDAY
I WAS EATING OUT OF A TUBE.

MMM! THESE ARE GOOD.

SO, UM...

I KINDA WANTED
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT... DAD.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINNG
A LOT ABOUT HIM TODAY, AND YOU.

WAKING UP IN THIS BED,

THINKING I WAS ALEX,
I FELT ALONE.

BUT, YOU KNOW,
THE THING THAT MADE IT OKAY

WAS KNOWING THAT YOU AND DAD
ARE REALLY THERE FOR ME.

YEAH.

YEAH, WE WERE...
HERE FOR YOU.

SO LISTEN,
I HAVEN'T ASKED YOU YET.

HOW DID WE EVEN GET INTO
THIS ACCIDENT?

UM... WELL...

OH, GOD, DANIEL,
WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME?

WAS IT MY FAULT?
NO!

WAS I DRUNK?
NO, NO, NO, NO,
YOU--YOU WERE FINE.

UH, IT WAS JUST, UH...

A DEER.

IT--IT LEAPT OUT
IN FRONT OF THE CAR,

YOU SWERVED...
AND THAT WAS IT.

WOW.

WELL, AT LEAST
I SAVED A DEER.

DAD!

SO... HOW ARE WE?

WE'RE GREAT.

I WAS JUST TELLING DANIEL
I FEEL SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU TWO

AS MY FAMILY.

RICE CAKES!

ALL RIGHT, UH...
ANYTHING ELSE?

NOPE. THAT'S IT.

JUSTIN SUAREZ, RIGHT?

YEAH.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?

I WAS AT
YOUR FATHER'S FUNERAL.

YOU KNOW, HE SAVED MY LIFE,
RIGHT HERE IN THIS STORE.

YOUR FATHER WAS A HERO.

I DIDN'T KNOW
THIS WAS WHERE...
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU SHOULD KNOW,
HE WAS A REALLY GOOD MAN.

I BET YOU'RE
JUST LIKE HIM.

NO... I'M NOT.

THANKS, BETTY.

DANIEL, WAIT.

I NEED TO TELLOU
SOMETHING.

OH, UM... IT'S MY DAD.

CAN I TALK TO YOU IN A MINUTE?

YEAH.
(ring)

HELLO?
BETTY?

DAD?
I'M COMING HOME.

WHAT?
DID YOUR VISA COME THROUGH?
NO.

I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE.
THIS COULD TAKE MONTHS, A YEAR.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? DAD, NO.

IF YOU GET CAUGHT, THEY'RE NOT
GONNA LET YOU BACK IN,

AND YOU KNOW HOW THEY PACK
THOSTRUCKS WITH PEOPLE.

YOU COULD DIE.
IT'S MY LIFE, BETTY.
THIS IS MY DECISION.

NO, THESE ARE OUR LIVES, DAD--

YOURS AND MINE
AND HILDA'S AND JUSTIN.

MIJA, I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.
I LEAVE TOMORROW NIGHT.

DAD, PLEASE,
JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING YET.

I KNOW HOW TO GET YOU HOME.

Let me talk to the lawyer
one last time.

4:58.

YOU DO LIKE
TO CUT IT CLOSE.

OH, AND THE PICTURES
THAT SANTOS

TOOK OF HIMSELF AT THE GYM
DO NOT NEED TO BE FRAMED.

OKAY, SO I'M KEEPING
ONE THING.

YOU SHOULD
KEEP SOMETHING, TOO.

JUST LOOK THROUGH
ALL THE STUFF

AND FIND SOMETHING
THAT YOU REALLY LOVE, OKAY?

OKAY.
OKAY.

OKAY.

LOOK, I NEVER SIGNED OFF
ON BRIGITTE LACOMBE.

I THOUGHT WE AGREED IF
WE COULDN'T GET MARIO TESTINO,

WE WOULDN'T DO THE SPREAD.

I STILL LIKE
THE DAVID LaCHAPPELLE

CHATEAU MARMONT PHOTOS
WE COULDN'T RUN LAST MONTH.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE BACK,
AND YOU ARE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF.

I MADE A MISTAKE.

IS THAT ALL?

UH, YES... THAT IS ALL.

OH, BETTY, I HEARD YOUR FATHER'S
COMING BACK ON THURSDAY.

PLEASE GIVE HIM
MY REGARDS.

WOW.

THAT WENT SO MUCH BETTER
THAN I EXPECTED.

BETTY, I CAN'T THANK YOU
ENOUGH.

IF YOU HADN'T
GOTTEN THE BOOK,

SHE WOULD'VE DONE
EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED.

OH, I'M JUST DOING
MY JOB, DANIEL.

NO, I MEAN,
WHEN EVERYTHING'S ON THE LINE,

YOU'RE THE ONE PERSON HERE

I CAN TRULY TRUST.

YEAH.

SWEETHEART?

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE
WITH CAVALLI'S PEOPLE.

HE IS DESIGNING YOU
A CHARCOAL GRAY,

SINGLE BUTTON TUXEDO
FOR THE WEDDING.

AND HE'S FLYING HIMSELF IN
FOR THE FITTING.

LISTEN, DARLING, WITH ALEXIS
STILL IN THE HOSPITAL,

I'M NOT SURE
A GIANPARTY

WOULD BE APPROPRIATE
RIGHT NOW.

WELL, YOU WANT ME TO CUT DOWN
THE SIZE OF THE WEDDING?

I WANT TO POSTPONE
THE WEDDING.

BECAUSE OF ALEXIS?

I SPENT THE AFTERNOON WITH HER.
WE'RE STARTING TO BOND AGAIN.

WELL...

ISN'T THAT, UH, WONDERFUL?

I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.

ALEXIS IS STILL COMING
TO TERMS WITH THE FACT

THAT HER MOTHER AND I
ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER.

I'M AFRAID IT MIGHT BE
A BIT MUCH FOR HER TO HEAR

THAT I'M MARRYING
SOMEONE ELSE.

YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD HER
ABOUT ME?

I WILL,
WHEN SHE'S READY.

YOU STILL LOVE ME?

ALWAYS.

UH, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE TO GO CALL CAVALLI
AND HAVE HIM POSTPONE HIS TRIP.

ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?

I'M FINE.

AAH!

AAH! AAH!

AAH!

(Hilda) BETTY?

BETTY! (laughs)
PAPI JUST CALLED!

HE GOT HIS VISA!
HE'S GONNA BE HOME ON THURSDAY!

WOW! COOL.
THAT'S--I'M SO HAPPY.

YEAH?
WELL, TELL YOUR FACE.

COME ON!
WE GOTTA PLAN A BIG PARTY!

I KNEW IT WAS GONNA
WORK OUT.

OH, I JUST KNEW IT!

SO YOU GOT RID OF
SANTOS' THINGS?

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'M OKAY.

BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN
HOW TO LIVE WITH THAT.

WOW. I LIKE IT.

STRIKE.

(laughs) I GOTTA GO PLAN
THE MENU.

OOH, DO YOU THINK IT'S WRONG
IF WE ASK PAPI TO COOK?

EH.

HELLO.

IGNACIO SUAREZ?

YES, CAN I HELP YOU?

YOU JUST DID.

(man) HELLO?!

WHO IS IT?

(Henry) IT'S ME.

HENRY?

BETTY?

CHRISTINA TOLD ME
ABOUT CHARLIE,

THAT SHE CHEATED ON ME.

THE BABY
MIGHT NOT BE MINE.

OH, GOD, HENRY.

YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING.

YES, I HAVE.

BUT...
I DRANK MILK FIRST TO...

COAT MY STOMACH.

BETTY...

CHARLIE WAS THE ONLY REASON
WE COULDN'T BE TOGETHER.

AND SHE'S NOT A REASON ANYMORE.

I WANNA BE WITH YOU, BETTY.

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