Ugly Betty (2006–2010): Season 2, Episode 17 - The Kids Are Alright - full transcript

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WILHELMINA: Previously on
Ugly Betty...

-You're the gym teacher?
-Yes.

ls there any chance
that you know who my father is?

WlLHELMlNA: l didn't see anything
but the Tweety Bird tattoo on his ass.

Gene Simmons is my father!

-Daddy?
-Daughter?

l'm having your father's child.

My only concern is giving it everything
it deserves.

-And what would that be?
-One third of the Meade empire.

-Henry, you're not in Tucson.
-l'm going back.

-What?
-My brother's totally



macking on your girlfriend.

l'm not a big believer
in this whole fantasy thing,

but l at least wanted you
to have a little bit of yours.

l'm lucky.

Except for the part where Henry's
leaving me after his baby's born.

(CRYlNG )

All by myself

Don't wanna be

All by myself anymore

Anymore

Oh, God...

(lNHALlNG )

Did you hear her crying last night?

lt's only been two weeks, Papi.



She loved Henry.
She needs to go through this.

l just wish there were something we
could do.

There is. You can buy more tissues.

-ALL: Hi.
-Hilda, you're out of

-your puffy eye cream stuff, sorry.
-Oh, don't worry, Aunt Betty. l'm on it.

HlLDA: Well, l hope you're hungry.

Because you're just in time for
Eggs ? la Hilda!

-What's Eggs ? la Hilda?
-lt's scrambled eggs.

Papi, l don't want to hear it.
You're sick. l'm making breakfast.

Hilda, l'm not very hungry.

Amor, you've barely eaten
since Henry went back to Tucson.

lt's true, Aunt Betty.
You've been looking really skinny.

-That's supposed to sound bad.
-Guys, you're all being so sweet,

but l do not want you worrying
about me. Okay?

Henry and l agreed
a clean break would be best.

You know, when l break up with a guy,

l like to get a little bit scary,
so he doesn't forget me.

All right Justin, come on, we gotta go.

l gotta get ready
for the PTA thing this morning.

Since when are you on the PTA?

Since she has a crush
on my gym teacher.

What? Who? Tony? He's okay.

Why, did he say something?
Do you think he likes me?

-What's not to like?
-Oh, my God, he's such a good...

Such a good boy.
Here, have some Juice ? la Hilda.

-What's this?
-lt's juice.

Mi hija, you seem tired.
Can't you take a little time off work?

No, are you kidding?

Work is the only thing that kind of
keeps my mind off of Henry.

l'm secretly hoping the Mode drama
doesn't end.

Will the drama at Mode ever end?

Fashion diva and headline-stealer
Wilhelmina Slater

is back on the scene, ''with child''-ish!

She'll be using an unnamed surrogate
to birth the baby.

Wilhelmina. A mother again?
She's certainly been called one.

The babe was confirmed to be
the spawn of Bradford Meade,

who gifted Wilhelmina with his frozen
swimmers just before his death.

And they say romance is dead.
Will La Slater return to Mode?

Will the baby own a share
of the Meade fortune?

lnsiders tell me the Meades

are fighting her
tooth and French-tipped nail,

with a legal decision
expected this morning.

(PHONE RlNGlNG )

No, Daniel is not available.

We will be releasing a statement
this afternoon.

Any news yet?

BETTY: No, they're on the phone
with the lawyer right now.

l don't know,
maybe the news will be good.

-Maybe Wilhelmina will have lost.
-Wilhelmina never loses.

Oh, why did l agree to have this baby?

Christina, you didn't have a choice.

You needed the money
for Stuart's operation.

(EX CLAlMS )

Oh, Claire Meade looked at me.
She hates me. l don't blame her.

She doesn't hate you.
And she'll totally understand.

Look, look. They're coming out now.
Just take a deep breath,

look her in the eye, and just explain it.

So? ls it bad?

lt's terrible. Our father's will
divided the company evenly

among his children. Unfortunately,
that includes future children.

None of this makes any sense.

Bradford never wanted
to have another child.

And now to have one with her?

lt's happening.
And until that kid turns 1 8,

Wilhelmina controls
a third of this company.

-So, that means...
-Wilhelmina is back.

Let's do this, bitch.

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lf she tries anything, call security.

l can take her. What? l can.

Whatever happens, l'm right here.

Family Meade. l just want to say how

thrilled and honored l am
to be back here.

Today is a new day, and l hope we can
all put the past behind us.

(SCOFFS )

(CAMERA CLlCKS )

Wonderful seeing you all.

Oh, now that was fun.
Am l smiling? l can't tell.

l think you are!
Oh, Willie, it's so good to be back.

And to have health insurance again,
because l have this weird mole thing.

But Daniel still runs Mode
and Alexis still runs Meade.

What's our next move?

To divide the House of Meade.

We'll start with the weakest link.
Did you see the look on Daniel's face?

(CHUCKLES )

Terror. lf there's one thing l know
how to do, it's manipulate fear.

You are a horror movie
l wish would never end.

l can't believe this is happening.

l've had nightmares
about her coming back.

They usually end with her stabbing me
with a stiletto and turning into a bat.

-Daniel, keep it together.
-How can l?

She's been after my job
since l started here.

Well, she's not gonna get it,
so stop panting.

Wilhelmina has no
creative input here whatsoever.

She's nothing more than a Chanel suit
with an office.

Yes, but she's one third
of this company.

And she's got the devil on her side.

But the devil doesn't get a vote.
There's two of us and one of her.

You know what? You're right.
lt's two against one.

Exactly. So relax. We won't
make a move without one another.

(SlGHS )

Mrs. Meade, l'm taking lunch orders.
Can l get you something?

Actually, l was just about to call you.
There is something you can do for me.

You can write an article for Hot Flash.

-An article?
-Yes. l'm short four pages of content.

Now, l know Hot Flash is a magazine
for older women,

but you could give it
its youth perspective.

Three hundred words
by tomorrow morning.

Yeah. Okay. l could do this.

So, like, when you say
''youth perspective,''

what does that mean, exactly?

Betty, Betty, you're the writer.
Figure it out.

l'm the writer. Okay. Okay.

-Oh, and Mrs. Meade? Thank you.
-You're welcome.

Mad props on the dramatic entrance.

l wanted to use a strobe light
as we hit the Tube,

but Wil said it was over the top.

OMG, we have so much to catch up on.
Me first.

You know how l've been working with
my father, Gene Simmons from KlSS,

on a new reality show?
Well, prepare yourself.

( SIN GIN G) This is the story

The story is true

How I found my daughter

He never even knew

GENE: She tracked me down

AMANDA: With only one clue

GENE: It was on my butt

BO TH: That fateful tattoo

-On my butt
-What, what?

( GENE READIN G)

Mandy!
You're going to be a reality TV star.

lt's what every pretty girl
with no specific talent dreams of.

l know, right? And every episode we
do a new fun father-daughter activity.

You know, like camping or riding bikes,

-or trashing a hotel room.
-Oh, you know what?

Every successful TV show has a
schticky gay best friend sidekick.

-No, Marc. You can't be on the show.
-Come on, why not?

Marc and Amanda.
We're so funny together.

-Everyone says so.
-Okay.

There's no other way to tell you this.

You know how in real life you're always
so jumpy, and bopping your head

and moving around? Like...

(PANTlNG )

Well, that makes you blurry.

And on TV,
people can actually see your face.

-Wow.
-You're cute. But you're not TV cute.

l'm so glad l got that off my chest.
l feel so much better.

-Oh.
-You wanna watch it again?

Sure.

Okay. Eight turkey, six veggie, four
chicken curry salad, and two salami.

-Mmm-hmm.
-Man, you sure are hungry today.

Hey, that's the first time l've ever
gotten a smile off that joke.

Well, today has turned out to be
not so terrible.

Claire Meade asked me to write
an article for Hot Flash.

-Hey, that's a big deal.
-Yeah. l guess it is a big deal.

-Here, have a black-and-white cookie.
-l haven't even told anybody yet.

Oh, l'm the first person you told, huh?
Figures.

-What does that mean?
-You tell me everything.

-No, l don't.
-Yes, you do.

-No, l don't.
-Oh, yes, you do.

-No, l don't.
-Oh, yes, you do.

You're always down here,
telling me about your day,

flirting, ordering sandwiches.

lt's a sandwich shop.
And l wasn't flirting.

Oh, come on.
Every time l turn around, you're there.

You know, you're kind of stalking me
a little bit.

-(SCOFFlNG ) What?
-You like me.

There's nothing wrong with that.
Just admit it.

-You are insane.
-Come on, you'll feel better

if you say it out loud.
You want me to be your rebound guy.

l came down here for sandwiches,

and all of a sudden
you're my rebound guy?

Gio, l just got out of a relationship...

(SlGHS )

''The Youth Perspective. Youth...''

l wasn't flirting.

(COMPUTERS BEEPlNG )

(PEOPLE MURMURlNG )

As far as the November cover is
concerned, l was...

l'm sorry l'm late.
l must not have gotten the memo.

-No, Wilhelmina, you weren't invited.
-l realize that.

And l was speaking to my lawyer
and apparently,

l have every legal right to observe.

Okay. Fine. But you have no
official capacity at Mode.

-And that means zero input.
-l understand.

l am merely someone who controls
one-third of the parent corporation

which owns everything
and everyone in here.

But you won't even notice me.
Quiet as a mouse.

AMANDA: Oh, my God.
lt looks like she's eating him!

-l'm gonna pee.
-She does realize

that that's the sandwich guy
and not an actual sandwich, right?

Oh, Mandy. How l've missed this.

l know you two sent that picture
around, and l just want to say...

Betty, we are so glad
you finally found a rebound guy.

-l mean, you and Henry...
-Mismatch.

One time, l saw him changing his shirt
in the bathroom, and l wasn't staring.

And l definitely did not take a picture,
but for a nerd accountant,

he has body karate.

(EX CLAlMS )

-But Gio smells like salami.
-He's perfect for you.

Gio is not my rebound guy.

And l have an article to write today,
so l don't have time for your games.

lf you could just write
a retraction e-mail, send it out...

Betty, Gio loves you.

And that's a direct quote
from the stall in the men's room!

(EX CLAlMS )

Now, for the November cover, l was
thinking we'd be a little bit more bold.

Ladies, gentlemen, l give you the...

The ''War'' issue. The ''War'' issue.
Sexy soldiers surrounded by danger.

Definitely gonna keep the focus
on fashion,

but with a bit more political edge,
as well.

l don't know.
lt seems a little too risky...

-l think it's fantastic.
-You don't get to talk.

No, wait. You think it's good?

l think it's genius.
ln fact, it's so genius

that Elle is doing the exact same thing
a month earlier.

But l'm sure you've got
some terrific backup ideas.

Yeah. Yes. l do. Of course. We could...

The...

The backup ideas for the cover,
we're thinking, we might...

(WlLHELMlNA SLURPlNG )

(DANlEL STAMMERS )

Yeah.

Why don't we just take five minutes?
l'll be right back.

(SlGHS )

Get it together, Daniel. Come on.

(TOlLET FLUSHlNG )

Aren't you supposed
to be in a meeting?

Wilhelmina's in there
and she is freaking me out.

What are you doing in the men's room?

There was a graffiti situation.

Marc wrote a very raunchy poem
about me and Gio.

lt was more of a haiku, really.
Anyway, l took care of it.

-Shouldn't you be writing your article?
-How do you know about that?

Daniel, did you tell your mother
to give me that article?

l know l'm self-involved,
but even l could tell

you needed some cheering up.
And besides, you're gonna do great.

Great? l haven't written anything yet.
l've had a few distractions.

Well, stop that.
Get back in there and start writing.

Fine. You get back in there
and run that meeting.

-And don't let Wilhelmina get to you.
-Yeah. We can do this.

Yes, we can.

That was unexpected.

Yeah, let's pretend
that that didn't happen.

-Here you go. Oh, hey, Hilda.
-Hi.

-What brings you by?
-Oh, yeah,

l was just doing a PTA thing
this morning.

l'm really big on volunteering.
Anything for the kids.

Anyway, l got turned around in here.
This place is like a maze.

Didn't you go here?

You're so funny. So what's up, Tony?
What's shaking, what's new?

Just P.E.

Fun, fun! l love sports!

You know, too bad
there's not a big game on tonight,

because l got nothing to do.
Nothing, nothing at all.

We're short a chaperone
for the school dance.

Yeah, l could do that.

Totally.
Anything for the kids, you know.

Why didn't you tell me
there was a dance?

l'm not going. lt's tacky, and everyone
dresses like they're going to a hayride.

Of course he's going to the dance.

He's always dancing.
We got kicked out of church once

'cause he was doing the funky chicken.

Never in my life
have l done the funky chicken.

Zip it.

So, l'll see you both tonight then?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you tonight.
-No. No. Mmm-mmm.

-God bless you.
-Oh, no, God bless you, Coach.

God bless you.

MAN: l'll get right on it, Ms. Slater.

All right, let's talk cover.
What's going on?

Wilhelmina just pitched
a great concept.

-What?
-Well, it's just a takeoff on your idea.

lnstead of doing the ''War'' issue,
we're doing the ''Peace'' issue.

That's not a takeoff on my idea.
That's the exact opposite!

Daniel, give peace a chance.

What about not making decisions
without each other?

-What about two against one?
-You left the meeting.

-l...
-l've got 20 other magazines

to supervise, including Mom's,
which is going to tank

unless she gets some advertisers.

Look, it's starting again.
Wilhelmina is taking over.

lt was just one idea.
Stop being paranoid.

-Oh, great bracelet. J'adore.
-Oh, thank you.

(lNDlSTlNCT CHATTERlNG )

The big story of the day was
Wilhelmina Slater's triumphant return

to Mode magazine, where she greeted
her former rival, Daniel Meade,

with a hug. Hmm. Uncomfortable.
Threatened much, Daniel?

DANlEL: She leaked that photo!

Looks like someone is afraid the diva
will return Mode to its former glory.

What? ''Former glory''?
Can you believe this?

Now, if Mode does well, they're gonna
think it's because of Wilhelmina?

-Oh, my God.
-What do you mean, ''Oh, my God''?

This is the part where you usually
tell me, ''Daniel, you're being crazy.''

l know, l know,
but that kind of makes sense.

l mean, l can totally see
why you're worried.

ls there something l should do?

You know what? Go home.

l want you to work on that article.
l'm gonna handle this.

She wants to spin the press?
Then we are gonna spin the press.

...the official announcement. I'll be
happy to answer any questions.

(BELL RlNGlNG )

Just give me your number, okay?

(GASPS ) Marc,
what are you doing here?

Just wanted to see you
in your element. Ooh! Pastries.

Crafty is for talent only.
That's short for ''craft services,''

which is long for ''food.''
l'm sorry, it's industry lingo.

-Now just get out of here.
-Why? Why can't l be on the show?

lt's not me. l want you on the show.

lt's Gene. He hates the gays.

-No.
-Yes.

Okay, now, please. lt would be
so much easier for me if you just left.

Hey, you and l come as a package, so
he's just gonna have to get used to it.

-Gene Simmons.
-Yeah?

l'm Marc St. James, Amanda's
best friend in the whole wide world.

l'm here, l'm queer,
and l'm eating your pastries.

(CHUCKLES ) You're funny.

You know, we could use
a funny gay guy in our next segment.

-Want to be on the show?
-Yes.

-This is fabulous.
-Thank you.

-l was thinking...
-What? Tell me, please.

l'd love to hear it.

(COUGHS )

-How're you doing over there?
-l can't concentrate.

-Why? ls it Henry again?
-l keep trying to focus on my work.

-And then Gio went and kissed me.
-What? Gio kissed you?

-Girl, spill it. Can he kiss?
-Don't get excited.

lt was awful. And l feel guilty.

Guilty? Why?

(lN SlNGSONG VOlCE)
Because you liked it?

No, l just miss Henry, that's all.

And l'm not even close to being ready
to think about another guy.

lt's not time yet. ls it?
Oh, God, l'm terrible.

Please. You think you can't have

feelings for more than one guy
at a time?

l know you lost Henry, but you cannot

plan when you're going to
start feeling things again.

Big man on campus, coming through.

lt's an homage to Grease.

Danny Zuko meets couture.

lf l'm going to this tacky thing,
l'll at least make a splash.

Papi, will you get out of here
before you get the rest of us sick?

-You're already sick.
-l am not. You are crazy. l'm fine.

But is it like a thousand degrees
in here, or what?

(EX CLAlMS lN PAlN)

Hilda, you're burning up. There is
no way you are going to that dance.

No, tonight is the night that l find out
if the coach likes me.

So help me God,
l am going to that dance.

You want all those kids
to get your cold?

-To hell with the kids.
-Hilda.

What? Besides, if l don't go, they're
gonna be short a chaperone, please.

-l'll go.
-What?

l'll go. l'll be surrounded by kids
all night. l can interview them.

l'll get their ''youth perspective,''
l'll build my article around their quotes.

lt's perfect. l can't concentrate
around here, anyway.

-Do l still have to go?
-Yes.

-Because you gotta spy on the coach.
-Hilda.

l'm gonna go get ready. l think
l still have my Homecoming dress.

No velour, or lace, or paisley.
l better go up there.

(GROANS )

-Here.
-Thanks, Papi.

(SNEEZES )

You know, from the first moment
l looked into your eyes,

it was like some kind of cosmic
connection. l don't know what it is,

but l knew you were my daughter.
Happiest day of my life.

-Gene, do you mean that?
-l really do.

MAN: Stand by,
we have sound problems.

Reset, everybody. Back in 1 0.

(BELL RlNGlNG )

No, it's okay.
Hey, tell me about my mom.

Can l have a water? ASAP? Hello?

-MAN: Yes, Mr. Simmons.
-Did she ever contact you?

l'm so sorry, l've gotta get this.
Hello, Brian.

-That was weird.
-Oh, no, that's classic Gene.

He's always on his phone.
lt's kind of a celebrity thing.

You wouldn't really understand it.

He was so sweet
when the cameras were on, and then

-he did like a complete 1 80.
-What do you mean?

1 80? lt means, like, complete opposite.

No, l know what 1 80 means.

Are you trying to say that what
my father and l have isn't real?

This is exactly why l didn't want you
to come here.

You are so jealous that l'm rock royalty.
Well, what are you?

(BELL RlNGlNG )

(POP MUSIC PLA YIN G)

Oh, my God, look at this place!
All the decorations.

Yeah, it's still the gym.
lt's like putting lipstick on a pig.

Okay, so l guess l should start getting
quotes. Are you ready to have fun?

Yeah, but we're here.
l'm going to go find the coach.

Okay.

Hi! Can l...

Excuse me, do you have a second?
l just...

Excuse me, hi. l'm writing an article for
a magazine on the youth perspective.

As a young woman, what do you think
about the older generations?

You know, like what would you say to
somebody who was 60?

Like you?

-Okay. Let's try this a different way.
-l know you from somewhere.

-Nope, l don't think so.
-Yeah, braces. You know my brother.

Who's your brother?

-l knew you were stalking me.
-You are stalking me.

-What are you doing here?
-l'm a chaperone.

Well, me, too. But l'm also working.
So if you don't mind...

Oh, l see. You get your kiss,
and now you're blowing me off.

You kissed me.

Yeah, well, you kissed me back.
l even felt your tongue.

-l was blocking your tongue.
-You Frenched me, Suarez.

-You Frenched me good.
-l did not French you!

Gio, l have an article
that l need to write,

and my deadline is tomorrow,
so please stop distracting me.

What? l'm chaperoning here.

And who calls it ''Frenching''?

(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG )

-Hello?
-ls he there? The coach?

Yeah. He's talking to Miss Kazlauskas,
the social studies teacher.

Miss? ls she young? ls she pretty?
ls she prettier than me?

(SCOFFS ) No competish.
She has a lazy eye.

Ooh! Tough break for her.
But yay for us.

So are you saying that the return
of Wilhelmina Slater

is not going to affect things at Mode
at all?

Well, no, it's irrelevant.
As far as the magazine is concerned,

-Wilhelmina is back in name only.
-Let's take some calls.

Burlington, Vermont, you're on the air
with Daniel Meade.

WO MAN: Hi, I want to know,

why don't you give Wilhelmina Slater
some credit?

-Isn't that a little sexist?
-Oh, no, not at all.

l'm just here trying
to set the record straight.

Well, what about the photo
where you were shoving her?

Wait a minute.
Do we have that photo in the system?

-lt's actually not me...
-Wait a minute, wait a minute, Daniel.

There it is.
You are really shoving her there.

Do you have problems
with successful women,

or just women
who don't want to sleep with you?

Oh, l know what this is.
lt's Wilhelmina's assistant,

-putting on a female voice. l'm sorry.
-lt sounds like a girl.

-Thank you, Larry.
-You're welcome.

Isn't it also true Wilhelmina put in
twenty years of hard work

while you got your job
through nepotism?

-Fair question.
-No, it wasn't nepotism.

My father gave me the job.
That's not what l meant to say.

l deserved it. This call is a fake.
lt's Marc from my office.

And Wilhelmina is a back-stabbing,
conniving, vicious little...

Daniel, wait a minute.

My producer says
that this call is coming from Vermont.

Huh?

Beautiful foliage up there.

Question. What kind of colorful
phrases are kids using these days?

ls it still ''bling-bling''?
Or is it just one ''bling''? Or...

(GlO HUMMlNG )

(ALL CHEERlNG )

(EX CLAlMS )

-He'll be back. l need your help.
-Oh, l thought l was distracting you.

l don't have a single quote
for my article,

not one without profanity, anyway.

l literally have kids running from me,
and you are surrounded by them.

-How do you do it?
-l just talk to them like a normal person.

They're pretty much the same
as everybody you know.

l mean, look. There's a Daniel.

And there's an Amanda.

Oh, that kid is definitely me.

(BETTY EX CLAlMS )

l hate that little kid.

l busted him twice tonight
for defacing posters.

Yeah. And now we know who you were
in junior high school.

The girl who never had any fun.

-l had plenty of fun.
-Yeah.

l did yearbook
and young environmentalists

and multicultural club. And you know,
l don't like to brag, but in eighth grade,

l did win the Good Citizen Award.

Of course you have
a Good Citizen Award.

Well, l don't technically have it.

l gave it back so that everyone
at the school could enjoy it.

Which kind of sucks, because l worked
really hard for that award.

And now l can barely see it
through the trophy case.

But that's okay. Because giving back
is what a good citizen does.

Oh, found her. Little Betty.

She must be covering this thing
for the school paper.

No.

She's waiting
for someone to ask her to dance.

Okay, l'll try again. Your way.

l'll talk to her like a normal person.

l have heard that your advertising
problems haven't gotten any better.

-May l suggest...
-l'm really not interested

in your opinion.
You would sabotage me in a heartbeat.

-(SlGHS ) Ancient history, Claire.
-Why don't you just say

-what you're going to say and go?
-Have you ever considered

giving away your advertising for free?

Why would l possibly do that?

Because advertisers are like sheep.

You give free space to one ''it'' brand
in exchange for a promise

that they don't tell anyone else it's free.

And all of a sudden, you've
landed a big account, you're legit,

and all the other buyers are willing to
pay top dollar to be in your magazine.

-Why are you helping me?
-Because l have a real stake

in this company now.
Your failure is one-third my failure.

Good luck, Claire.

-Hey, Gene.
-Yeah.

l'm really upset. l just had this huge
fight with Marc, and l feel terrible.

(EX CLAlMlNG )

Are you about to start crying?
That's great. Just hold that thought.

Hey, pal, do me a favor,
would you come over?

No, please, no cameras.

l really just need a father-daughter
moment, one on one?

Okay, okay, calm down.

Excuse me, can you get that camera
over here? Right now. Hurry up.

MAN: Be right there, Mr. Simmons.

Gene, what happened to your tattoo?
lt looks fake.

Gene, are you my father or not?

(STAMMERS )

(GENE CLEARS THROAT)

What are you
looking forward to the most?

Graduation.

MC: This one goes out to
Betty, from Gio.

All right, kids, grab that special
someone and hit the dance floor.

(TRUE PLAYlNG )

So, what do you say, B?

Want to do something crazy
and actually dance at a school dance?

Don't worry about her.
l've got that covered.

-Do you want to dance?
-l don't know.

Go, have fun.

-Well, that was very nice.
-Come on,

take a break from your article.

Always in time,
but never in line for dreams

Head over heels, when toe to toe

This is the sound of my soul

This is the sound

Always slipping from my hands

Sand's a time of its own

Oh, I want the truth to be said

l can't.

I know this much is true

Hey.

-Oh, l'm fine. How are you?
-l'm good.

But you realize l didn't actually ask
''How are you?''

Oh, l'm fine. Thanks.

-You're really good at hiding it.
-(CHUCKLES ) Yeah.

lt's just l'm not the type of person

who can have a boyfriend
and forget about them.

Especially someone l love. Loved.

What am l doing
dancing with you, Gio?

What does that say about me?

God, Betty, it must be so exhausting.

Always worrying
about the right thing to do.

What do you mean?

Didn't you give back
your Good Citizen Award

because that's what
a good citizen does?

Maybe you should stop worrying about
how you're supposed to be and just be.

l'm really sad.

Well, sad, l think we can work with.

-Talk to me.
-JUS TIN: I don't know what happened.

Coach was standing by the bleachers,
and then he disappeared.

l may have left my post, briefly,
to dance.

You know what, sweetie? l am sorry,
l've been bugging you all night.

-Go have fun.
-Mom, you aren't bugging me.

l'm really glad you found someone
you like again.

Thank you, sweetie.
But obviously this wasn't meant to be.

So, l'll just see you
when you get home, okay? Bye.

Okay, bye.

I'm high-class
I ain't no trailer trash

I'm high-class
I ain't no trailer trash

Oh, hey, Justin.

Hey. My mom would kill me
for doing this,

but she wants to know if you like her.

-lf l like her?
-Yeah.

-What is this, junior high?
-Actually, yes.

And she totally likes you.

Over my dead body.

Mom, l'm sorry. lt's done.

-What's going on here?
-Go ahead, tell your brother.

l reinstated Wilhelmina
as Creative Director of Mode.

-What?
-Do you know how much easier it was

having her around today?
l mean, she saved your cover,

she helped save Hot Flash
in under a minute.

She's the best in the business.

And she's a ruthless, immoral,
ambitious snake.

That's what makes her so good.

What happened to not making
any moves without each other?

Like you going on national television
and making an ass out of yourself

and this magazine?
This is damage control.

-You're making a huge mistake.
-No, l'm making a tough decision,

which is my job
as president of this company.

This discussion's over.

l can't steal my Good Citizen Trophy!

Oh, come on, you know you want to.
lt'll make you feel better, l promise.

Okay. Yep, there it is,
l can see it, kind of.

All right. Maybe l could just hold it
for a second and then put it back.

Or you could take a picture of me
with your cell phone.

No, no, that could be evidence.

(CLlCKS )

(lN MEXlCAN ACCENT) ''Betty,
come get me. You worked so hard.

''l belong to you.''

(SHUSHlNG )

My trophy speaks
with a Mexican accent?

All trophies do.

Okay.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God.
l got it. l got it.

lt's a lot lighter than l imagined.

-Stop right there.
-Principal Hayward!

Betty Suarez? Stealing?

You're a bad citizen, Betty Suarez!

Wilhelmina. Alexis may be on board
with you and your little act, but l'm not.

-l haven't forgotten who you are.
-Really, Daniel? Who am l?

This morning l was nothing at all.
This evening l'm Creative Director

and tomorrow, who knows,
maybe l'll be Editor-in-Chief.

Oh, wait, that's your job, isn't it?
Sweet dreams.

(KNOCKlNG )

Well, if it isn't Miss Fancy Pants
Celebrity, back among the muggles.

-Stop.
-Hey, if you're really such a celebrity,

then where's your posse?
Where's your hybrid?

Where's your
inappropriately-named baby?

l'm sorry. l was mean.

Look, if you think that you and Gene
have such a great relationship, fine.

-lt's none of my business.
-Marc, you were right.

l didn't want you around
because l didn't want you to see

that he only loved me on camera.
lt wasn't real. He's not even my father.

-What do you mean?
-lt was all a publicity stunt.

He needed a gimmick
for his reality show,

and l was just a gorgeous ing?nue
looking for a dad.

Well, l didn't want to say this before,
but l am so relieved.

l mean, thank God you're not related.

ln 1 0 years,
that massive forehead could be you.

You're right.

But l'm sorry you still don't know who
your family is.

Yes, l do.

(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

-Who is it?
-lt's Tony Diaz.

(EX CLAlMS )

Oh, God. Just a second!
Okay, l'll be right there.

-Okay.
-Oh, my God.

-Tony. Hi, how are you?
-l'm good.

Missed you at the dance.
Heard you had a nasty cold.

Yeah, you know.
l just have a little bit of a...

(COUGHlNG )

Tickle in my throat.

That doesn't sound too good.

(LAUGHS )

-Here. l brought you some soup.
-What?

That is so nice.
l'm so embarrassed. l look horrible.

Oh, no, no. What are you...
No. You look great.

Do you want to come in?

(COUGHlNG )

l think l should get going.
But you feel better soon, okay?

-Thanks for the soup.
-Mmm-hmm.

Whenever you're up to it, l don't know,
maybe we could hang out sometime?

-Yeah, l would like that.
-Really?

-Yeah.
-Okay, good.

-Okay, good.
-All right. Enjoy the soup.

Okay. Thank you.

(lN SlNGSONG VOlCE) He likes me.
He really likes...

(COUGHlNG )

lt's only a matter of time before we
break this family apart for good.

Wow, l love this. You're back
and Wilhel-meaner than ever.

Well, l couldn't have done it
without your help.

l especially liked the caller
on Larry King from Vermont,

-putting Daniel through the wringer.
-Well, he is a sexist pig.

Brilliant move getting
a Vermont cell phone.

-You told me to.
-Like l said, brilliant move.

So the principal turns to her and says,
''Betty Suarez, you're expelled!''

(ALL LAUGH)

-No way.
-Badass.

No, it is not badass
to get expelled from school,

-so don't go getting any ideas.
-Too late.

You're officially a bad influence.

Okay, it's time for us to go inside.
Your mom's probably waiting.

-All right.
-BOTH: Bye.

Wait right here. l'm gonna go say a
proper good night to Betty, okay?

-Sorry l got you into trouble.
-Don't worry about it. l had fun.

And besides, l figured out
what my article's gonna be about.

''You Can Be Young at Any Age.''

l mean, l just had my first
junior high dance, and l'm 2 4.

l'm glad l could help.

Well, l better get inside
and start writing.

-Right, right. The deadline.
-Yeah.

-Good luck.
-Thanks.

Hey, crazy idea.

Do you want to maybe
do something sometime?

-What, like... Like a date?
-l don't know. Yeah.

-l don't think so.
-What?

l just... l don't think it's a good idea.

Okay, l'm a little confused.

See, you kissed me
and then you danced with me,

and you talked about
being my rebound guy.

So, l mean, what was that all about?

Well, that's just it.

l don't want to be the rebound guy.

l want to be the guy.

And that friend is you

Don't be surprised by my remarks

For they surprise me, too

But I'm in love

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