Ugly Betty (2006–2010): Season 1, Episode 5 - The Lyin', the Watch and the Wardrobe - full transcript

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Hola! Happy Halloween!

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Marc!

That is the absolute cruelest
thing I've ever seen.

Someone's getting a raise.

Betty, come here!

Dad!

In the kitchen.
I've been waiting for breakfast forever.

Yeah, well, I need to talk to you first.
It's kind of important.

Dad.

Dad!



I told you,
I've been waiting forever.

Good one.

Dad, I just talked to the H.M.O.
lady, and there's no mistake.

When they pulled up your social security
number, it says that you're 117 years old,

and, oh, yeah, dead.

Yeah? Well,
I still look better than this guy.

Justin, you're gonna be late!

Papi, I only work a half a day,
and then I'll be able

to come home and help
you decorate the outside.

Don't forget the candy, and make sure
you get the good stuff this year.

I don't want to be known as
the "raisin house" again.

You're just asking
to get egged.

Happy halloween!

Guess who I am.



Why, you're a proud member
of America's Navy, sir.

No. I'm Gene Kelly
from "On the town."

Well, let's just tell everybody
at school you're a sailor, okay?

Fine, but I'm a sailor
that can sing and tap.

# New York, New York, #
# a hell of a town #

# The Bronx is up, #
# and the battery's down #

# New York, New York #

# You're a hell of a town #

And dance break.

Better hope he can sing
and tap and throw a punch.

So you and Walter
got plans tonight?

Yeah, we're gonna
pass out candy,

and then we're gonna go to
a midnight showing of "Saw."

Oh, that's sweet.

See? You did the right
thing taking him back.

You would not want to
watch that movie alone.

We're just dating.

So listen,
just now I told the H.M.O. lady

- that there had to be a mistake--
- What mistake?

There's this whole mix-up with
dad's social security number.

They say it belongs
to a dead guy.

That's why they're not, you know,
they're not covering him anymore.

What? Dad.

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Are you finished?

Come on. That was good stuff.

I tried it on the
paperboy this morning.

He peed himself.

I gotta go.

Me, too.
Look, dad, I'm serious.

You need to go down there
and show them you're alive.

They think I'm crazy.

Marc, I need you to
go down to the closet

and tell that drunken irishwoman to
bring up my gown for the Halloween ball.

- She's scottish, actually.
- Don't care.

Of course not.
You may want to return some of these.

Calvin needs to reschedule a lunch,
Karl wants to know

if you're gonna be in St.
Moritz for the holiday, and, um...

Nico's called twice.

Don't spoil my morning yet.
I'm in too good a mood.

So your date last
night went well?

Oh, yes.

Jason dipped his toe
into lake Wilhelmina,

and let's just say,
the water was very warm.

I'm not really sure I
wanna know what that means.

It's refreshing to be with
someone who knows how to...

keep... up.

I invited him to the
Halloween ball tonight.

A second date? Oh, my.

Well, how could I resist?
We just look so good together.

Apparently, you're not the
only one who thinks so.

Well, unless that was
her secret love child,

somebody should have called
the cops last night,

because "Mode" magazine's Wilhelmina
Slater is most definitely

robbing the cradle.

But someone really should
tell that woman that

wearing a young man on your arm
doesn't always cover the parts that...

jiggle.

Can't we just give her a
lifetime achievement award

and put her out of our misery?

Would you like to return
some of those calls?

I'd like you to call Jason.
Tell him tonight is off.

But... you like him.

Too bad. He's making me look
like miss Jane Pittman.

Flip through my rolodex.
Find someone else to escort me tonight.

And take that
ridiculous costume off.

I can barely stand
looking at the real one.

Gotcha.

Walter, you almost gave
me a heart attack.

Happy Halloween.

For you.
Bigger than last year's.

Well, you got me the
cherry sour balls.

See? I know what you like.

And there's a, uh,
little surprise on the bottom,

but you have to
eat your way to it.

- Okay.
- No cheating.

Okay. Thank you.

Look, I'm gonna see you tonigh
I'm late for work. I gotta go.

- Okay. I'm gonna miss you.
- Okay.

W alter.

You didn't say you'll miss me.

I miss you. I will.

Ta-da!

Let me guess,
when you got on the elevator downstairs,

you were a caterpillar.

Where are your costumes?

What about the e-mail you sent me
about the "Mode" costume contest?

Which... was...
obviously sent only to me.

Right.

Well, then.
I guess this means I win.

Uh... okay.
Uh, I have a job for you.

Great. Fire away.

I need you to find my watch.

Found it.

My other watch.
It's a Simon Kouveaux.

It was a gift. I'm pretty sure I left
it at some woman's apartment last week.

I just, uh,
need it for the ball tonight.

Are you gonna see the
woman who gave it to you?

No. I'm seeing Simon Kouveaux.
He's cohosting.

He gets very bitchy when
you're not wearing his line.

Okay. Well, you just tell me who
this woman is, and I'll ask her.

Right. Except I don't
exactly remember who it was.

You don't remember
who you slept with?

Yes, I remember who I slept with,
and don't give me the look.

What look?

That look--
the all-judging butterfly.

And not only do I remember
who I slept with,

I even have some
of their numbers.

Although you have to match up the
names with the nights of the week.

I'm kinda fuzzy on that part.

- Is this the look?
- I had a crazy week, okay?

Do you even remember what you
had for--for lunch on tuesday?

Spinach pie.
The cafeteria was celebrating greek day.

It was good.

Why is this such
a problem for you?

I'm an adult, okay?
These women are adults.

Believe me, I checked.
No one's getting hurt.

I can sleep with a different
woman every night of the week

because... why not?

You know,
the romans had a 9-day week.

You would have been a
really tired centurion.

Just find the watch. If you have to
run out, have Amanda cover the phones.

- I'm gonna be out of the office.
- Oh. You have an appointment.

Cancel it.
I'm gonna be back in the afternoon.

I thought you were
handling this.

I am handling this.

Well, who gave my
son the music box?

Who's filling his head with
stories about me and Fey?

You tell me.
Who knew about you two?

Not Daniel.
That's the whole point.

I spent a lifetime trying to
protect him from knowing,

and now this...
someone is ruining it.

This is my family.
Do you understand?

Understood.

Anyway, look, if you've got it,

please call me back as
soon as you can. Thanks.

Is this why you
called me over here--

to watch your phone skills?

'Cause they are really great.

No. I need you to help
me cover the phones.

Daniel left his watch in
some woman's apartment and--

Please. Like I care?

We're hardly exclusive.

It's not like I spend my evenings
thumbing through "Modern Bride."

How many women are you calling?

Well, he doesn't seem to remember
exactly when it happened,

so I'm calling one woman
for each night of the week.

- Priceless.
- And I need you to help me

find addresses for miss
tuesday and wednesday.

Nymphalis milberti?

Oh, nymphalis milberti.

Milbert's tortoiseshell?

Uh, I don't--I don't know.

Uh, the pattern just
said "butterfly."

Well, just something I know.

One of several
things, actually.

Circumference of the earth?
Know it.

And this concludes another
episode of "True, but dull."

Well, I should probably get
back down to accounting.

We paid a guy 50 bucks to see
how much honey he can drink

before he makes himself sick.

Well, you should come down
later if--if you can.

Oh, um, o-okay.

Yeah, maybe, uh,
if I have the time.

24,901 miles.

The circumference of the earth--
it's just something I know.

Oh, my god.

Were you just flirting with
Henry from accounting?

I should get, like,
workman's comp or something.

I was not flirting.

Why, was he?

What is this?

Oh. Walter puts a surprise
in there for me every year.

Last year it was an engraved
cell phone holster.

What's the key for?

It goes with the note.

He wants me to
move in with him.

Yeah, well,
I can see why you're nervous.

I mean, you two have only
just started dating again.

And let's face it, he is the boy who
dumped you for the neighborhood hoochie.

Yeah, but he's also
done everything short

of skywriting "forgive
me" to win me back.

In four years,
he's never once forgotten my birthday,

and if I just sniffle,
he's at my door with chicken soup.

He's also the only
guy I've ever...

Oh, yeah.

I don't want to say no now
and risk losing him forever.

Sorry, but that's a poor,
poor reason to say yes.

He's the only boy
you've ever known.

He might turn out to
be the first pancake.

- The what?
- The practice one.

The one you toss away.

I don't toss away pancakes.

Well, I'm only saying, you've only
just come out of your cocoon.

Why don't you just spread
your wings a wee bit?

You know, see what's out there
before you settle back in.

See who's out there.

Anyway, I have to go
find Daniel's watch,

so I'm gonna move now.
If I throw up, I'm sorry.

Remember, Betty,
butterflies don't mate for life.

You don't be afraid to
get yourself out there.

You know,
test a few more flowers. Flit.

Flit is what butterflies do.

I thought you were
cursing at me in scottish.

Hi there.

Uh, I don't keep
candy in the house,

and you're way too
old to be doing this.

Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not trick-or-treating.

I work for Daniel Meade.
I left you a couple of messages.

I don't know if you got them--
about him leaving something here?

Yeah, I got the messages.

Actually, I called him a
few times myself last week.

Any idea why he
didn't call me back?

No, uh,
but I'd be happy to investigate.

So, what,
you do his dirty work for him?

What does he think I am?
Some kind of scratching post?

Some kind of call girl?
He sends his secretary to blow me off?

I'm really more
of an assistant.

You wonder if Daniel
left something here?

Well, yeah,
he left something here--

the last chance for
happiness he'll ever have.

And these.

Help you?

Uh, yeah, I'm just, uh,
here to see one of your, um...

- uh, your...
- Are you checking in?

No, no, no, no. God, no.
I'm, uh, just, uh, guest.

Visitor. Uh,
I'm a relative of--

Could you excuse me?

Hey. Did you find the watch?

I'm narrowing it down.

Hey, listen. What do you think
about sending something like flowers

before I knock on
these women's doors?

Wait. I'm getting beeped.

It could be tuesday,
wednesday or thursday.

Hello.

Hey. You finished
your candy yet?

Walter, um,
I can't talk right now.

Okay. Just tell me
what layer you're on.

How close are you to the
bottom of your bucket?

I'm not. Look, this is--
it's just, it's not a good time.

Can I call you back?

- Daniel.
- So why flowers? Is someone upset?

Well, miss friday's face
did get all red and sweaty,

but not like a person sweats,
more like a cheese sweats.

Okay, fine. Flowers. Just tell Amanda
to send a dozen roses to each,

and I'll check back in later.
All right. Bye.

Um, Claire Meade, please.

And who shall I
say is visiting?

Her son.

Possible escorts.

Old.

Way too old.

Marc, I think this one's
face is on our money.

You said you wanted one that
made you look young... ger.

How about finding me
someone who doesn't leak?

Oh, she's a little fragile today,
so be nice.

- I'm always nice.
- You're never nice.

You know, you're right.
I was thinking about somebody else.

And this is where we come to
lose ourselves in the classics.

It's, uh, a nice collection.

It is.

Nothing like making people
in detox read stories

cooked up by a bunch of drunks.

Did your father tell you
they confiscated my perfume?

I guess they are
worried you might--

What? Drink it?

Oh, come on, Daniel.

Bad enough I can't board first
class with my liquid eyeliner.

Now I have to walk
around smelling like...

people.

So why are you here?

Just to talk.

Well, I've been right here,
any time you wanted to come.

I've just been very busy
the last couple of weeks.

Almost four.

They like to tell you just
how many days you've been in

so it passes more slowly.

Today is sponsored
by the number 26.

I want to talk
about Fey Sommers.

Then I'm going to need
a lunch someplace

where they're not
serving pudding cups.

All right.
I'll explain it one more time.

Um, he misplaced his watch,
and he thinks he may have

left it at your apartment on...
thursday night.

No, and why didn't he
just come here himself?

Because... you see,
Daniel is...

well, he's out of the
office most of the day.

Because, you know,
we had something special.

I mean, I let him stay over.
I let him use my toothbrush.

I even gave him
the good pillow.

Why would he say all those
things to me and not call me?

It just doesn't make...

Oh, my god!
You're trying to sabotage us.

Are you sleeping with him?

Okay, um, look. I'm just going
to write you down as a "no."

Because I will not give
him up without a fight!

Ew. I give up.
How old is old to you?

Ew. Older than my dad.

Hey, what's he doing tonight?

Mm. Drinking,
embezzling, apologizing.

He has a very full life.

"Mode" magazine.
How may I direct your call?

Aw, someone's turning
back into a caterpillar.

Do you have those two
addresses I asked you to get?

Still working on it.

Can I borrow your
stapler, please?

- Can I help?
- Huh? Oh, no.

I'm--I'm good. Thanks.

Um, if you were good,
you could leave here

and join Cirque du Soleil.

That should do it.

Now I want you to try to
avoid crowded subway cars.

Oh, and blue jays.

Natural predators.

Right. Okay. Thanks.

So anyway, uh, you think maybe

you'd like to go get
some lunch later?

What? No.

Oh. Yeah. Okay.

It's cool.

No, yes! I meant yes.

Yes?

If that's still okay.

Yeah, well, I think--I think
I may still have an opening.

- Okay.
- 12:30?

Yeah. 12:30.

So what about monday night?

Isn't Daniel
sending her flowers?

What? Oh, uh, no.

He couldn't remember
who monday was.

Ow. Ow.

Sorry.

What are you doing back there?

Did you screw up the zipper?

No, the zipper's
not the problem.

The lack of a pulley and several
burly men is the problem.

What is she saying to me?

Nothing. It's the beer talking.

Maybe you bought
the wrong size!

I ordered a 2.

She has always been a 2,
but clearly, someone has been

enjoying far too many
complimentary cheese straws.

I understood that.
What are you saying,

- Carlotta?
- Christina.

All I'm saying is that it
might be a slight possibility

that she might--might
have just maybe gained...

Gained what?

What? Nothing.
Just maybe a little...

wee bit of... weight?

So how are you?
Are you seeing anyone?

Not any one person.
You know, a few.

Our compliments, Mrs. Meade.

Good to see you.
It's been far too long.

Yes, it has.

Hey, that's mine.

- Give that to me.
- Don't even start.

I'm going to have the veal marsala,
you know.

You do realize that
it's made with wine?

And the alcohol burns off.

Then give me back the glass and
set fire to me when I'm done.

So are we gonna talk
about that Christmas?

What Christmas?

That Christmas. I was 12.

Dad gave you a music box he
brought back from Zurich.

One minute you're smiling, the next
you're using a cr?me br?l?e torch

to set fire to a thousand
copies of "Mode."

No? It was the Christmas you found
out about dad's affair with Fey.

Oh, yes.

That does jingle a bell.

Betty, do you know
what you want?

Um, I think I need
another minute?

Okay.

Have you been here before?

Because the caterpillar roll is awesome.
No offense.

Um, number four looks
like an autopsy photo?

I'm sorry. Sorry.
Totally inappropriate.

Is this the first time
you've had sushi?

No. God, no. Yes.

- Then let's go somewhere else.
- No, no, no, no, no. Please, please.

It's good for me to try new things,
you know?

Spread my wings.

- Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.
- It's okay, it's okay.

I'm sorry.

All evidence to the contrary,
this is not my first time in public.

It is mine.

For parolees, these ankle
bracelets are the best thing ever.

It's so stupid, you know.

I come into Manhattan
every single day for work,

and it's times like
these where I feel like

the e-train dropped me
off on mars or something.

Where I come from,
people like their fish cooked,

and they dress up
for Halloween.

Secret identity.

Ay, something is burning.
What is that?

It's blood--my dinner.

Okay, you're pushing it.

Kids come here for candy,
not trauma.

You can't have a haunted house
without spilling some blood.

You know,
when Betty was a little girl, she--

Okay, papi,
Betty is not a little girl anymore.

Neither am I.

What are you talking about?

Why does the H.M.O.
say you're dead?

Why do they say that's not
your social security number?

Did you come home to help
me or to ask me questions?

Because if you came to help me,

hang this on the porch.

Hi there. I'm calling from the
Sutton Place medical group.

One of our patients,
Daniel Meade, just left here,

and thought we should
give you a call.

The good thing about scabies

is if you treat the
itching right away,

there's little chance of
them becoming open sores.

You might want to call your doctor.
Okay. Bye-bye.

Hi. I'm looking
for Betty Suarez.

She's out to lunch.

What?

Do you know when
she'll be back?

She's at the sushi bar across
the street with what's-his-face.

Go ask her yourself.

Hi there. I'm calling from the
medical group at Sutton Place.

One of our patients, Daniel Meade,
thought we should give you a call.

You can't imagine what it
was like seeing that woman

holding my Christmas
present in that magazine.

Do you know that she actually
called the house several times

and played the music from
that box on the phone?

You made him end it then,
I assume?

Of course, and I thought he had,
Daniel, I really did.

So when did he?

Well, let's see. It's been--

I came here almost a month ago,

so what I want to say is...

six weeks.

What?

Dad was having an affair
with Fey for 20 years,

and you didn't know?

Well, Daniel,
I don't know if you've noticed,

but I drink quite a lot.

I-I just thought you
took after grandpa Jack.

Well, that certainly
didn't help any.

And there are certain things
one can inherit from a father--

some of which
should concern you.

- Such as?
- The philandering.

You and all your women.
I see him in you.

Daniel, it destroyed
our family.

What made him finally end it?

Does that really matter now?

It might.

Then give me a drink.

Mom.

A sip, that's all.
Then I tell you what you want to know.

A sip.

I made him choose.

She wasn't going
anywhere on her own.

So she and I went
over to his office,

and we stood there in front of that big,
overcompensating desk of his,

and we told him
to make a choice.

Who'd he choose?

Well, one of us is here,

and one of us is dead.

So you figure it out.

So I noticed that you've been
on our floor quite a bit today.

Have I? Hmm.

Don't think it has
anything to do with you.

No, I just like to make the rounds,
you know.

Let the employees know that
accounting has its eye on 'em.

Right.

Here, this is your piece.

Now close your eyes,

but don't peek.

This is how Tom Hanks
survived in "Cast Away."

I don't think so.

Walter.

What are you--
what are you doing here?

Who is this guy?

This is, um, this is Henry.
He works on the third floor.

Why haven't you
returned my calls?

I got busy.

- Busy? Busy?
- Maybe I should get the check.

Busy with what? A date?

I ask you to move in with me, and
you turn around, and you cheat on me?

Walter, stop it.
You're embarrassing me.

I'll pay the cashier.

No, no, no, no.
You--you stay. I'll go.

I embarrass her.

Tighten the wrap, will you?

I think I just felt
another pound drip off.

Oh, my god. It's sweltering.

Close the door.

And crank up the
thermostat all the way.

You know,
paper burns at 451 degrees.

Good. You can become a science
teacher after I fire you.

Now crank it!

I know you don't want
to hear this, but...

Nico called again.

Of course I don't
want to hear it.

I have six hours to
become ten years younger

and 5 pounds thinner.

Nico is exactly what I do
not need today. What is that?

- Salad.
- Take it away.

- You have to eat.
- Who's side are you on anyway?

Get out!

Oh, maybe it's not as bad
as you're making it sound.

Oh, no. It's--it's worse
than I'm making it sound.

I'm downplaying it so I
don't completely freak out

that I not only humiliated
myself in front of Henry,

but I probably lost
Walter forever.

I am so sorry, Betty.

I guess if it--it was--it was me.
I pushed you into it.

It's not you.
It's not you. I did it.

When I'm done with work,
I'm gonna find Walter,

and I am gonna beg
him to forgive me.

What, and say you're
gonna move in with him?

Maybe, yeah.

Some people like Daniel--
they can date tons of people at once.

I tried two. No,
if there's one thing I learned today,

it is that I am
not a flitter...

and that my boss wears boxers.

Silk boxers.

So I've heard.

There you are.

- Where you been?
- I ran out for a size 4.

And if this Valentino doesn't fit her,
do you know what?

I'm going to make her
wear the bloody drapes!

- She can't know.
- She won't know,

because I plan on surgically removing
the evidence myself. Grubby fingers.

Oh, and, Betty, listen.
Good luck with the... you know,

and keep me posted. Yes?

What are you staring at?

I had the veal.
The alcohol burns off.

Mom, please.

Listen to me.
You have to go, I know, but listen.

I want you to be careful...

I know, of dating too many women.
I got it.

Of your father.
I pushed him, and he stuck me here.

I don't know what
he'd do to you.

Mom, do you think dad
is capable of murder?

I think your father is
capable of anything.

Hey, Amanda, if Daniel ever calls,
will you tell him

that I've gone out again
to try and get his watch?

Who are those for?

Oh, uh, tuesday's girl had already
left for her hostessing job

or whatever when I called,
so I just sent her flowers to me.

Hey, have you taken any messages
from Walter since lunch?

Henry?

You need to stop me from
going to see Henry.

I thought you were
resolved on that.

I was. Tell that to my finger.

My finger wants me to push
the button to Henry's floor.

It wants me to go tell him that
I had a wonderful time today.

Ooh, cheeky finger.

What's wrong with me?

I'm turning into Daniel,
that's what.

Soon I'm gonna be able to juggle
people's hearts like fruit

and still sleep well at night.

Number one,
you're nothing like Daniel,

and number two,
he doesn't really do much sleeping,

which is why he loses expensive
jewelry and can't remember

who he shagged
last monday night.

- Oh, my god.
- What?

Roses. I have to go.

What?

You sent yourself flowers.

You're monday's girl.

Where are you going? Come back!

What the hell are you doing?

Was this all just
one big joke to you--

watching me run around the
city in butterfly suit,

getting underwear thrown at my head?
All for laughs?

Do I look like I'm laughing?

Well, then why didn't
you say something

if you had this watch
the entire time?

Why?

Maybe because I was
hoping that monday night

was the one night of the week
your boss would remember.

Stupid me, huh?

Does Daniel know that you
feel this way about him?

Please. He's Daniel Meade.

Take a number and wait in line.

I'm sure he feels the
same way about you, too.

I mean, don't you two have
some kind of agreement?

Yeah, he dates
anything that moves,

and I agree to smile
and take their messages.

And now I'm sending
them flowers, too.

Amanda, if you knew who he was,

why did you get so involved?

Because...

I thought he would get
sick of serial dating.

I sure as hell am.

And what if he doesn't?

He will.

I'll just wait.

Here.

Give this back to him.

You can tell him how you feel.

Nope, nope, nope.

Hey. Guess what?

What?

This never happened.

I want the truth.

- Is this a size 4?
- It's the designers.

They have a cruel streak when it
comes to... voluptuous women.

- Where's the tag?
- I ate it.

- Carlotta?
- Ooh! Yes, it's a 4.

Let me.

Oh, leave it.

I can't deny it anymore.
It's happened.

I've become a woman
of a certain age.

If you give me 20 minutes,
I could do something with pleats.

I-I said leave it.

I'm not gonna go to
that ridiculous party.

I can't compete anymore with a
bevy of 22-year-old gym bodies.

I mean, you starve yourself,
you pull yourself,

you inject yourself,
you think you're safe,

but they keep coming to the door,
younger and younger

like a hail of bullets
until down you go.

Why is it such a crime
to age in this business?

It's true.
The standards for women are so punitive.

And whose fault is that?

I set the standards.

Lifetime achievement award.
Oh, there's my achievement.

It bit me in the
ass and the hips.

Serves me right, huh?

That's what you're thinking.
Just say it.

Well, no, uh,
w-what I was thinking was that

yes, you do set the standards.

You're Wilhelmina Slater,
for pete's sake.

Women look to you
for inspiration,

and when you go to that ball tonight
with that young man of yours,

I guarantee no woman in
America tomorrow morning

will leave her house without a
man ten years younger than her.

Five years.

A year or less.

I don't know.

Are you...
gonna eat that sandwich?

Oh, yeah.

So shall I, uh,
shall I work my magic then?

What's all that?

Just some of the
treasures from my day--

things you left scattered
all over New York City.

Where's the watch?

Good for you.

So which one had it?

Does it matter?

No, not really, I guess.

I didn't think so.

I sent roses to those women.

Amanda sent them, yeah.

And you know, you're right.

You can do whatever you want.

Go from one person to the next.
Flit, flit, flit.

But if you think that no one's
getting hurt, you're wrong.

Is there anything else
you need from me?

No. No. That'll be all.

Betty, you know I've
had a rough week.

I got a lot on my mind.

I know.

I just hope you that you deal with that
more directly than you handled this.

Hail to the queen.
She lives. She breathes.

What do you think
of the d?colletage?

Too much cleavage?

I'd say... not enough.

Jason. Hmm,
about time you showed up.

I don't like to be kept waiting.
Ho--hold it.

You sure you want to be seen
with an old broad like me?

Well, a minute younger, and I'd have
to rip your clothes off right here.

- Nice brows.
- Oh. Thank you.

Hi. I am so sorry to interrupt you,
but Nico...

Got the messages. Can't return them.
We're late for an engagement.

...is here.

Hi, mom.

Whoa. You're her...

mother?

What can I say?

Rule number one,
never buy your mistress and your wife

the same Christmas present.

I know how you must
feel about me, Daniel,

and I'm truly, truly sorry about Fey.
I am.

I did everything I could to
keep you from getting hurt.

And mom?

What about her feelings?

I was careless and stupid,

and Fey wouldn't quit.
She didn't want to be my mistress.

She wanted to be a Meade.

That why you had her killed?

- Is that what you think?
- I don't know, dad.

Why don't you tell me?

Tell you what?

That I loved her?

'Cause I did.

More than mom?

I don't know.

More than all the others,
for sure.

- Others?
- Many, many others.

Who do you think is making
these mysterious phone calls?

Who do you think sent you this?

Are you trying to tell
me it's one of your...

Ex-lovers, yeah.
Out for revenge.

Which one I couldn't say,
but I deserve it.

I deserve much worse.

Not for killing Fey--
that I had nothing to do with--

but for being a lousy husband

and an even lousier father.

If I can't teach
you by my example,

learn from my mistakes.

Stop screwing around.
Settle down, for god's sake.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Down?

- Listen, I'm sorry.
- I was gonna call.

- Sorry.
- No, it, uh, you were saying?

I just--I just wanted
to say thanks.

Thanks? What, for giving you
the most stressful lunch ever?

First I make you eat
slimy sea monsters,

and then I get you in
major trouble with--

It's okay.
That wasn't your fault.

Hey, how's that guy
who ate all that honey?

Not great.

That's why I have to make
the beer run instead of him.

We're having a party up on 25 with
human resources if you're free?

Oh. I'm, uh...
well, I-I'd love to go, Henry, but...

Uh, you have a boyfriend.

Yeah.

Yeah, I do--

and I really want to give this thing
with Walter and me a chance and...

Is that the guy? With the net?

Yeah. Yeah,
but he's not always like that.

I'm not always like that.
I should've never...

I'm sorry.

Ah, no worries. Just lunch.

Trick or treat,
nymphalis milberti.

Hey, you outta here?

I guess.

Human resources and accounting
are having a party downstairs,

so I thought I might stop by
and drink all their booze.

How about you?

Halloween ball?

No. Not, uh, not in the mood.

You have a good time, though.

Hey, um, if you get tired

of watching "Charlie Brown
and the great pumpkin" alone,

I could...
come over and keep you company...

in costume... or not.

I think...
I just need to be alone tonight.

Hey! We could just talk.

Probably not.

Justin.

Justin, stop already.

There is no twirling
in the armed forces.

That kid.
We're gonna get no candy this year.

So I guess you
two need to talk.

I don't need to talk.
Maybe she needs to talk.

Okay. Whatever.

Licorice?

Justin hates it.

So does his aunt.

You got any raisins?

Other pocket.

I'm sorry I went to lunch.

The key was... too fast?

Yeah, a little.

I pushed you. Damn it.

"Carpe diem, Virgo.
Seize the day."

Never trust the horoscope
in the "Daily News."

It's just that--well,
we just started dating again, you know?

I know. I know.
And if you don't wanna even do that I--

No, I do.

So you and, uh, sushi man?

Just you.

Because sushi is exciting,
I know.

Even if it is crawling
with parasites.

Sushi's good, yeah.

But so is a nice
slice of pizza.

So my kid shows up.
Last thing I need.

You can do miracles
to hide your own age,

but be damned if
you can hide theirs.

So you didn't take this,
uh, Jason to the party?

No, I took him to the elevator.

Told him to go back to his frat house
and bob for apples.

What about Bradford
and his son?

Well, Marc told me he saw Daniel
coming out of Bradford's office.

All seemed well.

Whatever Bradford said to
Daniel put him off his trail.

That's disappointing.

What do we do now?

I think it's time for Fey Sommers
to come out of seclusion.

I smell fresh blood.

Dad, add more corn syrup.
You're clotting.

You, um...
going out with Walter?

Yeah. I just wanted to come
home first and change.

No more butterfly, huh?

No. You know,
it is exhausting being a butterfly.

No wonder they only
live two weeks.

Is that true?

Mm-hmm. It's just
something I know.

Is there anything
else I should know?

Right. Of course.

I was trying to protect you.

I've been using someone else's
social security number for years.

'Cause I don't have one.

You can't get one

if you're in this
country illegally.

And I am.

Trick or treat.

Transcript : Raceman
Subtitles : Willow's Team
www.forom.com

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