Ugly Betty (2006–2010): Season 1, Episode 17 - Icing on the Cake - full transcript

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Previously on Ugly Betty...

Bradford Meade, you're under arrest
for the murder of Fey Sommers.

I know who killed Fey Sommers.

It was me.

- Henry.
- Henry.

Hi.

Betty, this is my
girlfriend Charlie.

Ignacio, why can't
all men be like you?

Ignacio.

You are going to fire Daniel

and make me
editor-in-chief, right?



- He's my brother, Willie.
- He is the enemy.

I've kind of realized he's not.

That's "The Chin"?

Yep.

A friend at the D.A.'s office told
me the case against your father

isn't as strong as they're
leading everyone to believe.

Witnesses claim they
saw a blue Aston Martin.

Blue Aston Martin?

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Okay, Betty. We're all done.

So now these new wires
are a different gauge,

so they might feel a
little strange to you

and to anyone
who's kissing you.

Oh, Dr. Farkas,
nobody's kissing me.



Oh, come on.
There must be someone special.

Well, there was a guy,
but he has a girlfriend.

So, uh, how's it feel?

Well, it was tough at first,
but now I'm happy.

We're all just friends.

No, I meant the braces.

Oh, um... duh. Fine.

So you're comfortable
with this?

Yeah, it'll probably hurt
to chew at first, but...

I'll just have a milk
shake for lunch.

No, I meant being friends with
the guy and the girlfriend.

Oh, um,
the milk shake will help that, too.

Oh, that was great.

Okay, and now you're
supposed to say something.

Oh, yeah. It was good.

Sorry. I'm going through my
morning meetings in my head.

Wait. You're not
gonna make me spoon?

No, but you are gonna
make me breakfast,

and then I have to get to work.

A woman who likes sex three times
a night and doesn't want to cuddle.

Where have you
been all my life?

Well, after you stood
me up in college,

I closed my heart
off emotionally,

threw myself into work,
substituting ambition for passion.

It was just a
rhetorical question.

I know.

You're never gonna forget that,
are you?

I'm not. I might even bring it
up when I talk to your mother.

You're talking to my mother?

Hopefully today. Her testimony is
important to your father's defense.

You can't talk to her.

Why not?

She's gone. She...

sort of had a relapse after
my father went to jail.

She kind of just took off.

Could be anywhere.

Technically, this
is kidnapping.

You're not blindfolded
in a trunk, mother.

This is a deluxe suite
in the Grand Regent.

It doesn't even
have a park view.

I might as well be tied to a chair,
having my ear sliced off.

It's for your own good.
You can't talk to our lawyer,

because you tend to drink,
and you say stupid things.

You mean confess things.

We talked about this.
You're not confessing anything.

Can we at least tell
Alexis the truth?

That her father is
not a murderer?

It doesn't matter.
She hates him.

He's her father.

The only reason she came
back was to put him away.

Alexis and I are finally getting along,
but she would turn on me in a second

if she found out I hired
Grace Chin to defend him.

Come on.

This is some family.

You're not to talk to anybody.
You're not to call anybody.

Claire Meade has
disappeared. Okay?

In fact, I gotta change your
name at the front desk.

Brandy Shaloo.

What, did you just pull
that out of thin air?

It's come in handy.

Betty!

- Oh, hi.
- Hey.

Um, how was your weekend?

Oh, it was so nice.

We just stayed in, ordered takeout,
watched a bunch of movies.

Yeah, Vin Diesel
can do anything.

Sounds fun.

I, um,
got a new shower curtain.

Uh, I like your haircut.

Oh! First New York haircut!

I didn't take off much though,
because Henry likes it long.

So, um, I don't know if you're
free tonight, but, uh...

Just ask her.

Well, we're throwing a
birthday party for Charlie.

Oh. It's your birthday.

First New York birthday!

Lots of firsts.

Yeah, so I know it's
really last minute,

but we'd love it if
you could make it.

Uh, I mean, if you're not busy.

Oh, you have to come.

So far it's all of his dorky
friends from accounting,

and they get drunk
and talk about W-2s.

Well, it is tax season.

Please come.
We need our Betty. Huh?

Oh, I've got to run, okay? Bye.

Listen, you don't have
to come if it's weird.

Weird?

No. No. Why would it be weird?

It'll be fun.

I need tax advice anyway.

Good. I'm glad.

So...

Bring those receipts.

Oh, my dear,
your boobs look totally perfect today.

I'm looking for Amanda Tanen.

- Who wants to know?
- Ooh, a package. I'm Amanda!

No. No.

I'm from Oswald
Lorenzo's studio.

He wanted to give this to you.

You are his new muse.

Enjoy.

Oswald Lorenzo? He's, like,
the "it" designer for all those actors

whose faces you recognize but you
don't really know their names.

Yeah. Like what's-her-name?

And that guy. Wait.
How you know Oswald Lorenzo?

Well, we met at the Jil
Sander party last night.

He was totally worshipping me.

I mean, I get it,
because I was the hottest girl there,

but then there was this skank who
was totally trying to horn in,

and I was as nice
as I could be.

Out of the way, skank!

Anyway, she was a cow.

She's one of those women
who just hates other women.

Enough with the "vagina
monologue." Open it.

What the hell is that?

"To my muse.

Enjoy 'the Amanda.'

Love, Oswald."

He named a dress "the Amanda."

How sweet.
He made you a big silver rubber.

Jealous it's not in your size?

A little.

Now try this--

viennese chocolate dream.

It's european.

Mmm. Fancy.

That's what I like
about you, nacho.

You enjoy the finer things.

You know what all these
international flavors remind me of?

We haven't talked about
my green card in a while.

We got time.

Your court date's
not for weeks.

Now will this be my
preliminary hearing or--

Why does this hazelnut symphony
always make me want to dance?

- Come on, nacho.
- Constance.

Mama wants to shake it.

Please, there's no music.

Oh, there's music on
these lips, baby.

No, I-I can't.

There--there's kids
in the house,

and--and I have a
heart condition.

See? Medicine.

Louis de Testa has designed a
new line of lingerie for women.

Rumor has it that they are wooing
the notorious panty shunners--

- Lohan, Spears...
- Hi, there.

A little peace offering.

Hmm. An Herm?s scarf. Pretty.

I'm sure my cleaning
lady will love it.

- Willie, I--
- I'm sorry. Did we have an appointment?

I know I'm just creative director,
but I still have a very full plate.

Look, I wasn't counting on any of this,
but Daniel...

he turned his back on
our father for me.

I have to at least
give him a chance.

I understand.

Oh. I never noticed what
big man-hands you have.

...Bradford Meade's relationship
with his former lawyer.

Taking over the case is size
2 legal eagle Grace Chin.

Bradford Meade is a
pillar of society.

- He's a loving father and husband...
- What the hell?

...and does not have so much
a parking ticket on his record.

Oh, you didn't know?
That's your father's new lawyer.

Lucky man.
She's never lost a case.

I guess things aren't working
out as either of us planned.

Tasty. Looks like you showed
her who the alpha diva was.

Well, I'm glad she's giving
her brother a chance,

'cause I assure you...
he's going to disappoint her.

We'll make sure of it.

Lady, you give me chills.

Excuse me.

Orthodontist?

He's always a little
too generous.

I don't even know
what this is for.

Somebody has a
crush on you, huh?

What the hell is that?

It's an Oswald Lorenzo.

"The Amanda."

Oh, I almost forgot. Grace Chin's office
called last night after you left.

She needs to talk to you.
Says it's important.

Yeah, I already saw her.

When?

Uh, this morning?

Didn't you have a
breakfast meeting?

Yeah, before that.

- Weren't you at the gym?
- That's right. After that.

- But the breakfast meeting--
- Betty, enough!

What's with the
third degree, hmm?

I'm sorry. I just get very
involved in your schedule.

Oops. You got a hair.

Oh, I was standing next to Michelle
from photo in the elevator.

Hasn't she been on
maternity leave?

Okay! Okay! I'm sleeping with
Grace Chin. Are you happy?

What?

You can't let anyone know,
especially Alexis.

I won't.

But, Daniel,
do you really think this is a good idea?

No, it's a terrible idea.

I mean,
I didn't mean for it to happen,

but it did, and... it was fun,

and I'll cool it off
before the trial starts.

Now you're giving me that "I'm so
disappointed in you" look again.

I'm sorry. It just happens.

Look, I like her, okay?

Hey, we just got the new Catherine
Malandrino collection in, right?

Have Christina pick something out.
She'll like that.

This is like the third piece
he's sent to that lawyer.

Serious pain in my ass.

I mean,
I'd understand it if they were shagging.

They're not.

- They are.
- They're not!

- They are!
- I just said they're not!

You're saying it like they are!

Ooh, they are.

I am such a terrible liar.

Look, Christina, you have to promise me.
You can't tell anybody.

Of course I won't.

But you can see how a missing
dress could be quite the scandal,

what with all the murders and sex
changes going on in that family.

Oh, there you are.

- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

I thought you might need a map,
uh, to Charlie's party.

It's in the West Village,
so it can be a little hard to find.

Great. Thanks.

Sure.

Well, I'll see you later.

Okay.

- Oh, hi, Christina.
- Yeah, I'm here.

Been here the whole time.

What?

Okay, look,
I know what you're thinking,

but they're my friends.

You're going to his
girlfriend's birthday party?

Betty, he broke your heart.

- No, he didn't.
- Oh, really?

Fine.

This one here was "why doesn't
he love me, Christina?"

And this one here is "she took
him away from me, Christina."

And this one was "make
her go away, Christina."

No, this one is gum.

Betty, why would you
do this to yourself?

Because...

I don't want to lose
Henry as a friend.

I'm an adult.
I can rise above this.

Fair enough, but just don't go alone.
Get a date.

Who? It's tonight.

Well, I don't know.
Well, there must be someone.

Well, this is a surprise.

I think I need to come back in
this afternoon, Dr. Farkas.

My wire snapped.

Oh, okay. Great.
I'll see you in an hour.

Do it. Fast.

Transcript : Raceman

Subtitles : Willow's Team

www.forom.com

Okay, first of all,
I don't think we should be following

a postpartum depression piece with
a layout on baby doll dresses.

We have a big problem!

Okay, crazy time
begins at 1:00.

We're in the middle
of a meeting now.

It's about our father.

Excuse me.

Grace Chin is representing him.
She's never lost a case.

Okay, uh, well, is that so bad?

Do you really want him to spend
the rest of his life in prison?

He's a murderer.

What's going on with you?

- Did you know about this?
- No, of course not.

I don't even know this
Grace Chin woman.

Alexis, he is still our father.

Before you buy him a set of golf clubs,
let me remind you

that he's the one that made you
feel worthless your whole life,

drove our mother to
drink hand sanitizer

and told me he'd rather see me dead
than standing here in a dress.

The man is a monster.

Juicy.

That is one angry she-male.

What? What did I miss?

I would have told you.

So you snapped your
wire eating a bagel?

Yep.

Was the knife still in it?

You're funny, Dr. Farkas,

and you have really
good breath.

Uh, it's part of
the job requirement.

That, and trimmed nose hair.

Oh, yeah.
Yep, that's good, too.

Okay, we're all done here,
so now can I trust you

to be a little more
careful this time?

I'll try, but, um,
you might have to have dinner with me

to make sure I don't eat
anything too dangerous.

Maybe I will.

Ah, there is a lot of
dangerous food out there...

like--like apples.

And carrots.

And corn on the cob.
Are you asking me out?

No, not if you don't want to,
but I don't know, maybe you do, I--

I do. Yeah, I'd love to.

Sure.

None of this is gonna work.

We can't use the Dior.

Uh, Sharon Stone wore
it to the Globes.

Oh, please. She's over 40.
Like anyone was even looking.

But isn't she aging well?
There is nothing more admirable

than a handsome woman.

Stop stressing, Marc.
You'll lose even more hair.

Uh, where is the
Catherine Malandrino?

- I don't know.
- You don't know?

That's not like you.
You know where everything is.

Yep.

I think maybe it
was signed out.

Well, the only one who can sign anything
out pre-shoot is the creative director

or the editor-in-chief.

- Did sign it out, Marc?
- No, you did not.

Oh, I think it might
have been Daniel.

Daniel? Really?

Why?

I've got no idea.

Well, maybe I should call
your little friend Betty.

I'm sure she'd love to hear how
you helped deliver the evidence

to put her boss'
father in prison.

You can't keep doing
this to me, Wilhelmina!

You're right. I can't.

Hello, Betty. It's Wilhelmina.

Okay. Okay.

Good hair today.

Daniel gave it to
Grace Chin as a gift.

He said he doesn't
even know her.

Why would Daniel be
giving her clothing?

I could understand if...

He's sleeping with
his father's lawyer.

Oh, that Daniel does
not disappoint.

Papi?

Are you in here?

Grandpa?

Shh. Are you alone?

What is going on?

I have been calling
you for two hours?

I unplugged the phone.
Constance keeps calling.

She won't leave me alone.

I like her. She gave me a dollar
the other day to call her "grandma."

Justin.

Okay, papi, you are hiding in
your house from your caseworker.

- This is nuts.
- No, what's nuts

is my caseworker
is stalking me.

This morning, she danced with me,
and then she tried to kiss me.

You mean, you and grandma?

What? I wanted the dollar.

Okay, this is crossing
over into a scary place.

- You gotta report her.
- I'm not reporting anybody.

I'm just gonna keep her
happy till my court date.

I'm just saying, don't put out the
bait unless you want the fish to eat,

- and that's a lot of fish.
- What can I do?

I'm not in a position
to say anything.

Yoo-hoo, nacho!

Papi, let me talk to her.

I called Grace Chin's office.
Her assistant says

she's picking up a witness
at the Grand Regent.

Wait. What?

The Grand Regent?
No, no, no. Call 'em back.

Find out where they're going.

What's the big deal?

She's gonna talk
to Brandy Shaloo.

Who?

So he's been lying to Alexis about
helping Bradford this whole time.

Boinking the lawyer is
just icing on the cake.

- Yummy!
- Oh, too gay.

Now I want you to follow
Daniel everywhere he goes.

If you can get me proof of the affair,
I can pit Alexis against him.

Perfect. They'll be so busy
taking each other down,

they won't even notice
you taking over.

Oh, fly my pretty, fly!

And you thought
"yummy" was too gay?

So how long was your husband having
the affair with Fey Sommers?

Let's see. When was that M.C.
Hammer guy hitting the scene?

I had those pants.

Oh, crap.

Well, isn't this a coincidence?
Hi, mom.

Welcome back from wherever
it is you've been.

Grace, how did
you ever find her?

I called her home,
and her housekeeper told me

she was at the Grand Regent.

I may have told Magdalena
about Brandy Shaloo,

but Grace said that my testimony
will really help your father.

Good. Good.
Uh, mind if I sit in?

Daniel, I really need to
get through these questions.

Oh, they got pumpkin soup.

As I was saying, Mrs. Meade,
if I put you on the witness stand,

I'm gonna have to ask you about
your feelings towards Fey Sommers.

She was a conniving,
manipulative bitch who deserved--

A little forgiveness and
understanding, right?

Oh, why does it
say "M.C. Hammer"?

Excuse me.
I'm gonna have to take this.

Do not yell at me.

You know,
you've become a yeller.

Fine, I won't yell,
but you need to get out of here.

I told you to stay
away from this woman.

I won't incriminate myself.
Please, you have to trust my judgment.

Really, mom?
'Cause I gotta tell you,

your judgment has been
pretty terrific so far.

If it weren't for what you did,
none of us would be in this situation.

I'm just trying to help.

Well, don't. Go back to the hotel.
Lock the door.

Don't answer for anybody.

If you really want to help dad,
just stay out of the way.

I mean, how much more damage
do you want to do to us?

- What?
- I know you.

You're the slut from
the Jil Sander party.

Oswald Lorenzo?

Oh, right. You were the one
who was all up in his pooch.

Listen, if you
weren't so desperate,

he might have made
"the Amanda" for you,

but he would have called
it "the skank-whore."

Hey, Betty. Glad you made it.

Henry. Charlie.

Um, this is my friend,
Dr. Farkas.

Uh, you can call me Gabe.

- Uh, nice to meet you.
- Hi.

And, uh,
this is for the birthday girl.

- A tongue scraper.
- Oh. That's what that is.

So many people forget
about the tongue.

Well, now I won't.

Oh, is that the chocolate
raspberry cake from Magnolia?

Charlie's not much
of a cake person,

so she just told me
to pick my favorite.

Oh, my god. That's my favorite.

How about I get us some drinks?
What do you like?

Um, something fizzy.

So you didn't say you
were bringing someone.

Oh, I-I thought
that would be okay.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, and he's cute, Betty.

- And a dentist.
- Orthodontist.

Oh, thumbs up.

So how long have you two
been seeing each other?

I mean,
just 'cause you haven't said anything.

Really? Oh, um, well,
we've known each other for a while,

and, uh, well,
he's a really terrific guy.

Oh, you two are
perfect together.

And the chemistry
is just... obvious.

- Right, Henry?
- I don't know.

Well, I just met the guy.

Well, well, I'm all about vibes,
and I am definitely feeling this one.

You guys should give me your star signs.
I'll totally do your chart.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Okay.

You sure I'm gonna
look like Beyonc??

Honey, when I am
through with you,

Jay-Z is gonna be
ringing your alarm.

I don't need to hear from him.

I've only got eyes
for one man right now.

I'm so glad you offered
to do this, sugar.

I need some insight.

Does your daddy like it up,
down, or all around?

We are still talking
about hair, right?

Ooh, it's just been such a
long time since I met a man

who made me tingle. Ow!

Sorry. Sorry.
I'm still new at this.

But I'm not surprised you'd
say that about my dad.

He does have a way
with the ladies.

Ladies? Don't tell me
I've got competition.

Well, you didn't hear it from me,
but, uh,

there is a certain somebody that
he's been seeing for a little while.

What? Why didn't
he tell me this?

'Cause he's a decent guy, and he
doesn't want to hurt anybody's feelings,

especially not someone who
has done so much for him.

Well, he didn't need
to keep that from me.

So--so you're okay?

Hey, if he doesn't want
me his loss, right?

Right.

You know what?
The hell with Beyonc?.

- Do me like Mariah.
- All right.

- Okay. Bye.
- Hey, um, I got some bad news.

- My mom had to run.
- Wait. No, I've gotta talk to her.

No, no, it's okay.
She said she'd call you tomorrow.

- No, let me just tell her--
- No, no, no. No, uh, you can't.

- Why not?
- Because...

- I really want you.
- What?

Grace, you look
really hot in that...

brown wool suit.

Daniel.

Grace, when are you gonna
learn to live in the moment?

- You're insane.
- Am I? Come on.

- You know you want to.
- We're in public.

It's kinda hot, right?

All right.
You've got six minutes.

Come on, Daniel. Come on.

So we would've had the party at our house,
but we're still redoing the apartment.

Well, we're not redoing it.

We just bought a new couch.

It's purple.

Purple?

You like purple?

Well, it's a moon color.

It's empowering.

Well, but buying a
couch is the first step.

You know what's next,
don't you?

What? A coffee table?

No, I was gonna say a mortgage.

Oh, right.

It's just a couch.

Oh. Oh, I love this.

Henry. Henry,
come dance with me.

Uh, okay.

Uh, Betty?

What?

Oh. Yes. Of course.

Look, I don't know what I've done,
but you're vibrating.

Oh! Sorry.

- Hello?
- Betty, it's Claire Meade.

Am I interrupting something?

Um, I'm at a friend's birthday.

Good. Then you're free.

I need you to bring me
a corporate credit card.

It's an emergency.

I'm at the Grand Regent.

Is everything okay?
Is there anything I can do?

How do you feel about
going to the Grand Regent?

Am I that good of
a slow dancer?

No, no.
That's not what I meant.

I, um,
I-I need to run an errand.

Will you come with me?

Yeah.

What do you mean,
you're running away?

I am going to the airport
and taking the first flight

to wherever it is that people
go when they disappear.

You don't need to disappear.

Oh, yes, I do.

I destroyed my family.
Daniel made that quite clear.

They're better off without me.

No, they're not.

Betty, I have already
caused them so much pain.

I need to go far away where
I don't hurt them anymore.

You know what?
You're not thinking very clearly.

We should call Daniel.

Maybe you're right.

Let--let me see your phone.

Did that jump out of my hand?

- Now let me have the credit card.
- No.

I... don't have it.

I left it at home in Queens.

It's on the way to the airport.

Excuse me. Hi.
I'm sorry to interrupt,

but I'm parked in a
horse and carriage zone.

Who is this?

Um, this is Dr. Farkas.
We are sort of on a date.

Doctor? I thought it was
the accountant you liked.

No, no, Mrs. Meade, no.

Uh, he has a girlfriend.
That was a very long time ago.

We're friends.
We're just friends.

I believe you.

Well, this is an
awkward moment.

Leave it to me.

I kill everything.

Sex on a dirty floor.

Daniel Meade--
always a class act.

So Marc has pleased you?

Oh, stop talking in
the third person

and take your pick
from the goody basket.

I have a delivery to make.

That lying bastard!

Alexis, I have some expense
report issues to go over.

I'm sorry. Did I...
interrupt something?

My brother lied to me.

He's sleeping with Grace Chin.

He said he didn't know her.

Interesting.

You trusted Daniel,
and he betrayed you.

I went through
something very similar

with a former friend.

Help. Please help. Help me!

Hello?

You all right in there?

Oh, thank god.

I haven't been able
to pee all day,

and I was simply trying
to stand over the toilet,

and now I can't get down.

Okay, help.

You do know I'm gonna have to
talk to your mother tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, you can try,
but she might disappear again.

That's what she
does, disappear.

I told you. She's nuts.

Good, because that'll
be her defense.

What?

Daniel, I know she did it.

Grace, that's not true.

Come on, Daniel.
Every time I bring up your mother,

you get all freaked out and
then you want to have sex.

You either have some weird oedipal
thing, or your mother's guilty.

So...

do you wanna have sex?

I know you're trying
to protect her,

but hear me out. If your mother
confesses, I can help her.

Oh, that's not an option.

I can have her doctor testify
that she was paranoid.

You want her to plead insanity?

I'll argue that she believed that
Fey Sommers was gonna kill her.

It was kill or be killed.

You actually think
you can win this way?

I know I can.

Well, isn't this a surprise?

What the hell are
you doing here?

All those angry women and
you never changed the locks?

You must be Grace Chin. Hi.

Daniel, that woman you
claimed you've never met?

She's in your bed.

Hmm. My,
what a cute little house.

I could put it
right in my pocket.

Uh, so listen, it looks like
you've got your hands full here.

- I think I'm just gonna head off.
- No, no, no, no. Stay, stay.

This is just gonna take a
couple of minutes, and then

we can get back to our date.

We can grab a drink or--
or get some pie.

I love pie.
What's your favorite pie?

- Uh, rhubarb.
- Oh, me, too.

Actually, blueberry,
but rhubarb sounds fun.

Oh, you should really
steer away from blueberry.

- It stains your teeth.
- Really?

Wow, you really can't bottle
this kind of chemistry.

Okay, Betty, there's a flight
to Vladivostok at midnight.

They just opened a W there.
I really need that credit card.

Mrs. Meade,
you don't need to do this.

- You didn't do anything.
- I killed Fey Sommers.

Um... okay.
I know you think so,

but Daniel told me that you tend to
make things up when you're drinking.

Well, I'm not drinking now.

I had her brake lines cut.

I followed her for 18 miles,
till the fluid ran out.

I watched her crash into a tree
and burn and burn and burn.

- I'm gonna go.
- Oh, no. No, no, stay. Stay.

It's from a movie.
It's just a game we play.

Uh, guess the quote.

Oh, that was "Firestarter."

Uh, my turn. "You complete me."

- Uh, "Jerry Maguire."
- Yes!

Oh, wow. You're good at this.

Betty, the credit card?

Oh, um, okay,
you two keep playing.

Oh, uh,
"life is like a box of chocolates."

I've killed once.
I'll kill again.

I don't know that one.

Hello.

You must be Betty's father.
Claire Meade, Daniel's mother.

Hi. And, uh, who is this?

This is Betty's date.

Oh, you must be Henry.
I've heard a lot about you.

No, no, no.
The accountant has a girlfriend.

This is the orthodontist.

Oh. Uh, you seem... nice.

Well, I've seen the accountant.
Much hotter.

Betty, I really gotta go.

No! Stay!
At least I owe you a cup of coffee.

I'll make some.

Mrs. Meade,
what do you take for coffee?

Vodka and ice, hold the coffee.

- Oh, okay.
- Oh, thanks.

Come on, Daniel. Come on.

Come on, Daniel! Come on!

What do you want?

I want her to recuse
herself from the case.

Why? My relationship with Daniel
doesn't affect my ability

to defend your father.

Let's hope the judge thinks
so when I give this to him.

Or maybe I'll put it on the internet.
I'm sure there are tons of people out there

who would love seeing a lawyer
getting screwed for a change.

Okay.

The Chin is done here.

No, no, no. Wait. Wait.
What are you saying?

She's saying she doesn't
want to ruin her career.

This isn't about my career.
I just don't have the time

or the patience for you people.

I have enough murderers to
put back on the street,

and their families
actually support them.

You don't need a lawyer.
You need a good shrink...

and maybe a closer shave.

How could you do this?

How could you help our father?

Our father's innocent.

Mom killed Fey.

What?

Why do you think I have
to keep this from you?

You never listen to me.
I can't talk to you.

Mom is guilty. You just ran the
best lawyer in town out my door.

You just put our
mother in prison.

- So you're the one?
- I beg your pardon?

You're the ho stealing my man.

It's unlikely that we would
have the same man in common.

We certainly don't have
the same hairdresser.

Oh, you just crossed the line.

Did you just shove me?

Hey, hey--
oh, you just slapped me.

Wait, wait, wait.
What's going on?

I have no idea
how this started.

All I know is that tonight we were
supposed to get a credit card

and leave the country.

So you were gonna run off and marry
this bag of bones for a green card?

"Bag of bones"?

I-I'm not marrying anybody.

Constance, please.
Can we talk about this in the kitchen?

- Who's carrot cake anyway?
- That's Betty's date.

Oh, so that's the accountant?

No, no. That's Henry.

So what's with you and
the skinny blonde bitch?

Mrs. Meade is not
my girlfriend.

And by the way, Constance,

neither are you.

Why are you stalking me?

Excuse me?
I am not stalking you.

I am monitoring an illegal
immigrant who is a flight risk?

I'm not flying anywhere.

Look, look, let me make a cup of
one of your international coffees...

Hey, hey, hey, hey. What is is?

A tracking device,

I'm doing it for your own good, nacho,
before you do something you'll regret.

Constance, be reasonable.

And with this tracking device,

I will know where you are
every minute of every day.

You step outside this house...

and I will know.

And I'm guessing miss
fancy pants out there

don't live in this 'hood.

What was that noise?

- What are you doing?
- Uh, leaving.

No, no, no. I'm almost done here,
and then we can go get that pie.

Betty, there's not
gonna be any pie.

Why?

It's obvious you still
have feelings for Henry.

What?

No, I-I don't.

Betty, I could see
it at the party,

and I think everyone
else can see it, too.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I-I really do think
you're a great guy.

I guess I-I just asked you
out for all the wrong reasons.

I don't know. It's okay.

I should probably know better
than to date my patients anyway,

especially the cute ones.

Um... I-I will see you at
your appointment next month.

Okay.

"Here's looking at you, kid."

"Casablanca."

Well...

that was very sweet.

Sticky, but sweet.

Tick-tock, Betty.

I have a flight to catch.

Now where's that credit card?

Okay, I got it.

Betty, that's a library card.

Oh, my god.

I must have checked out the books with
the credit card. I'll go call them.

Betty, you're lying.

With so many saints in your living room,
how can you lie like that?

You called Daniel, didn't you?

I had to.

Look, if you did what
you said you did,

then your family has
to deel with this.

Family.

There's not much
of a family left.

My husband spent 20 years of our
marriage in love with another woman,

and she flaunted
it in front of me.

I watched the man I love
love someone else.

And it killed me.

Promise me you won't make the
same mistake that I did, Betty.

I promise.

What do I do?

I don't know,

but I don't think that
running away is the answer.

I mean...

won't it just keep
following you?

Maybe...

we both need to
be strong and...

face the things that
we don't want to,

no matter how scary they are,

because...

that's the only way we can
live with ourselves.

You're a smart girl, Betty.

I need to make a phone call.

Reporting live in
Jackson Heights, Queens,

where Claire Meade, wife of
publishing magnate Bradford Meade,

has turned herself in
to the authorities.

The district attorney has confirmed that
Mrs. Meade has confessed to the murder

of former "Mode"
editor-in-chief Fey Sommers,

the crime for which Mrs.
Meade's husband is currently in custody.

Further inquiries revealed that Mr.
Meade's defense attorney, Grace Chin,

has removed herself
from the case.

Now that's what I
call brotherly love.

It's a shame, really.

That family's just
beyond repair.

Bradford Meade is expected to be
released in the next 24 hours

and all murder charges dropped.

Alexis is not gonna like that.

She didn't spend much
time at the top.

Nice work...

both of you.

Oswald Lorenzo has
another treat for you.

Listen, you trendy
little monkey,

you can tell your boss he
completely humiliated me.

I have rubber burns
all over my ass,

and it took two sticks of
butter just to get the top off.

Fashion is a pain.

That dress looked awful.

Of course it did.

You didn't have the hat.

It comes with a hat?

I totally have a hat face.

I know.

Enjoy!

Oh, my god. She's wearing it!

Oh, she loves it.

She looks like a traffic cone.

That'll teach that bitch
to shove me in a bar.

- Hey.
- Oh. Hi.

You left early last night.
I didn't get a--

I mean, Charlie and I didn't get
a chance to talk to you very much.

I guess that whole Claire Meade thing
really spiraled out of control, huh?

What was that all about?

It's a long story.
Most of it's in "the New York Times."

Do you want to get lunch
with me and Charlie today?

- There's this new place--
- I can't.

Uh, okay.

Maybe tomorrow then.

No. I can't.

I can't spend time with you
and your girlfriend, Henry.

It's just not...

good for me.

Sure.

Okay.

I guess, uh,
I just thought we could all be friends.

Yeah.

I just...

I don't really think that I...

I can do that...

right now.

So...

what does that make us?

Two people who work
in the same building.

Okay.

I saved you a slice.

Daniel Meade's office.
This is Betty Suarez.

Yes.

What time is best to
return your call?

Great. I'll let him know.

Have a good day.

Daniel Meade's office.
This is Betty Suarez.

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