Tuff Money (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Joke - full transcript
It all started with one bad joke.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
My name is Jenny
My name is Doru.
How are you?
I'm fine, thank you!
Hello!
Good morning!
My name is Doru.
Well, my name is Ionel.
When do I get to listen to
what I want on the radio?
-Why are you trying to learn English?
-I have ambitions.
These CDs are really instructive.
Last week it was
"How to make a million from stocks".
How's that going?
Well, it takes time. And money.
Shit!
How did you manage to spill it
with your speed?
I can drive fast!
-If I have to.
-Only if you have to.
Here's a good one.
The sewers back up
at an intersection.
Stench and shit everywhere.
People call the Mayor.
"Send some plumbers!"
Two show up:
the supervisor, hands in his pockets,
and the apprentice,
carrying the toolbox.
One looks in, rolls up his sleeves,
then breathes in...
And dives into the shit.
Bubbles start coming up.
He surfaces.
He tells his apprentice,
"Pass the 13-mm wrench."
What the hell?
The apprentice obeys,
the guy goes back under.
Then nothing!
No muck, no bubbles!
The apprentice, scared, thinks:
"The Boss drowned in shit!"
-What?
-Wait!
And switch it back!
Fixed!
What's the hurry?
We're leaving in a minute!
There, free to go to work.
The joke?
Finally, all the muck starts
draining out.
People applaud,
the Boss comes up proudly,
wipes some shit off
and tells his apprentice:
"Better learn the ropes, or you'll
be stuck carrying the toolbox!"
-Get it?
-Hanging around again, guys?
What the...?
What?
Doru! Ionel!
Good luck, guys.
Seriously? Obstructing a fire engine
on a mission?
They only turned on the siren
after they stopped!
It was the armored bank van!
It almost hit our bucket again, too!
No one respects us, Boss,
it's always our fault!
This is the world we live in!
People can afford more cars nowadays.
Your job is to be invisible,
to do the maintenance
like you're not even there!
Or we can replace
all traffic lights with roundabouts
and stay the hell home!
-All clear?
-Crystal clear.
-Why is the joke always on us?
-It's just workplace banter.
-When do we get to make the jokes?
-We will.
When?
We'll land jokes so hard
they won't know what hit them.
The match is about to kick off.
I booked us a table.
Is this a new bar?
Old bar, new owner.
If we like it, it will be great
for when we get off work.
-Can I help?
-We have a reservation.
-Your name?
-Doru.
This way, please.
Excuse me!
Your table.
-This?
-We'd like another.
It's all we have.
-We wanted to watch the game.
-So?
That pillar is blocking our view
of the TV!
I'm a waitress, not an architect.
Something to drink?
Yes, two beers.
Goal, Romania!
When I was little,
I had this toy set.
A whole town,
with little streets and lights.
Cars, too.
This traffic light was my favorite.
I had no idea how much shit
I'd have to deal with because of it.
It's okay,
we'll just rob the bank van!
Say what?
Didn't we say we'd rob it?
We switch the traffic light
to direct it the way we want,
then, on a side street,
we switch to red and strike.
-And run with the dough.
-Right!
You can control the lights
and deactivate surveillance cameras.
I can look up
how to break into an armored vehicle.
-But how to keep it there?
-With the lights!
We switch to red
and stab their tires.
-Cheers!
-Cheers.
People are complete idiots!
They fell for it!
Who would believe we'd actually...
rob the bank van!
And how they stared at us!
See you, bye.
You're the joke!
You're the best joke ever!
Bye.
Hello, Madam.
Beer-scented perfume. Not so hot.
Yeah, right.
I was having a beer when I met you.
Speaking of beer,
it was your turn to cook tonight.
Sure, I'll cook the sauce!
I hung around with Ionel.
Tomorrow at 11, okay?
Yes, hello to you too.
What's at 11?
-The school thing.
-Can't your mother go?
You'd send me alone,
like to a parent-teacher meeting?
-What's this?
-You'll see.
I want you both there tomorrow.
Like the other parents.
Except for those
dead or divorced, pick your category.
She got us there!
Ionel!
So where do we get
200 wedding guests?
Why 200?
To make a down-payment
for a home with the gift money.
To begin with,
we don't know 200 people.
Besides...
That would be the right number.
-No it isn't.
-You multiplied by 200 guests.
But that's 100 couples,
so only 100 gift envelopes.
I felt so smart,
and then you came along.
Mirela, wait.
Mirela!
I'll raise the earnings
from the wedding by 20%
if you show me your boobs.
You go first.
The witnesses.
They pay around 2,000 euros,
remember?
Keep that up and so will I.
I'm out of ideas.
Such a pity!
And I've just waxed, too.
All over.
We cut the dessert.
-And the carriage.
-And the doves.
Where are your overalls?
I'm going to Maria's
class presentation.
No coffee for you then,
you'll spill it!
I'll drop you off and
head over to the school.
Come on! Move it!
I'm in such a hurry!
I'm already late!
The LEDs have a polarizing filter,
making them invisible to animals.
Since only people can see them,
they would prevent hunting accidents
where hunters shoot other hunters,
mistaking them for game.
If I had invented this vest sooner,
my uncle would still be alive.
Late again.
-Did I miss her presentation?
-It's coming up.
So I'm not late.
...from a shot to the face.
-Thank you, Sorin!
-Here is the photo.
-That will do.
-So stop hunting!
That will do, Sorin!
Next, another project,
by pupil Maria Leonte.
Hello.
In a world where watchmakers strive
to make timepieces more precise,
I bring you something
completely different.
The "Inabit" watch.
It is quite imprecise, to match
the Eastern European mindset.
The first thing you might notice
is that, apart from
the 12 hours we all know,
it has more.
Eastern Europeans are
not known for their punctuality.
Here, an hour has
more than 60 minutes,
a day has more than 24 hours,
and weeks can have
as many as 10 days.
It is basically
a watch for chronically late people.
I have a few prototypes here.
You can see them at the end,
if you stick around.
Thank you very much.
Seven, 6, 5...
4, 3, 2...
One... Go, Ionel!
Right.
All done.
Well done.
What did we do?
Seriously, throwing a cup at me?
The roads would be chaos
if we weren't out there every day,
doing our job.
-We're unsung heroes.
-Right.
-The oil that keeps the city moving.
-Right.
The Special Forces
of road maintenance.
Right!
Table for two?
This way, please.
I saved it for you.
It's all on the owner's tab tonight.
-Is it his birthday?
-No.
He's just generous.
Also...
He's waiting for you in his office.
To greet you.
We're so elite
we can go upstairs!
Don't embarrass me now.
Hello, I'm Adrian.
Doru.
-Ionel.
-Adi is fine.
Take a seat. Like our place?
-Nice, clean.
-Close to home.
Glad you like it.
I wanted to meet you
and congratulate you
for your initiative.
The thing with the heist.
On the bank van.
No need to worry.
It's all safe with me.
Good to know.
Between you and me...
Which bank?
Euro Est, by any chance?
Doru, I think we were a bit loud.
No worries.
You have my full support.
-Good to know.
-So it's a deal.
First, some details.
And what's second?
The heist, right?
What details, exactly?
My support, my help...
-I thought you understood.
-What does that involve?
Equipment, logistics...
My share.
What for?
For your heist.
We highly appreciate
your generous offer.
But, you see,
generally we prefer to be...
on our own.
We're okay.
-Meaning?
-We're not looking for partners.
Now I get it, I'm so stupid!
So it's your first hit, am I right?
That's just why you need me.
That's just why
we don't trust strangers.
I'm no stranger anymore.
I'm Mr. Adi, you're Doru, he's Ionel.
-No, the other way around.
-What did I say?
The other way around.
Guys, listen.
I have ties to the underworld,
where do you think I got money for--
Who let you out?
You want to embarrass me
in front of my guests?
-I need to pee.
-Really?
Why did you break my bar's rule?
-I'm sorry.
-Then say the rule out loud.
-Tips go to the boss.
-Louder.
-Tips go to the boss.
-I can't hear you.
-Tips go to the boss!
-Piece of shit.
Tips always go to the boss!
Sit down.
Sit down.
-He's not breathing!
-He's fine, I held back.
-You hit his throat!
-What is it, Boss?
That's the last thing I needed.
If he croaks it, we'll say
he fell down the storeroom steps.
What do we do with these two?
I've just met them!
We can't risk witnesses.
There you go,
look who's back!
Come on, bub, I was joking!
Go clean yourself up.
Sit down, boys, it's all good.
Do sit.
Where were we?
-Tips go to the boss.
-Okay.
-Mr. Adi, this is a misunderstanding.
-All of it.
How so?
We were just joking.
There's no heist. Word of honor.
There will be.
Stick to your word.
What a bastard!
Pity, it was so close to home.
-We'll just find another bar.
-Yeah.
-Alright then, bye.
-Bye.
-Talk later.
-Bye.
ON THE DOT WORKSHOP
Maria!
Isn't it a bit late?
Why didn't you stay for the photos?
What photos?
Is there anyone missing?
I didn't know.
I had to get back to work.
What did you think of my project?
It was stupendous.
Thanks.
Of course, it's impractical.
It's a school project, right?
Yes.
Good, I was worried
you might take it too seriously.
It's a project for now, but I want
to develop and market it.
Market it? Who'd want to buy
an unpunctual watch?
Certainly not you,
the King of Punctuality.
Farewell, old friend.
Look, Ionel.
The end is near!
The traffic circle?
Putting us out of a job!
With pansies on top!
Highly practical.
I put this one up
in my first days with Cornel.
God rest his soul, remember him?
No, he died before you started.
That man drank like--
How's it going, boys?
Do that again and I'll smack you.
What's the news on our deal?
Our plan last night?
Mr. Adi, let's be serious.
Last night we were drunk, now
we're sober in the center of town.
There's no deal and no heist.
What did I tell you last night?
Don't you get it?
We weren't serious!
Well, I was.
Let's see your IDs.
Take care of it.
Pass me that hammer.
Wait, what--?
I want a detailed plan by tomorrow.
Got it?
Captain, two guys here to see you.
You might want to listen to them.
Captain, I'm Doru, he's Ionel.
We're with
the Public Works Department.
So?
After years of being
treated like dirt by drivers...
-As if we're causing traffic jams!
-...we showed off over a beer!
We made a bad joke.
In a bar.
About robbing a bank van.
-Why?
-It was stupid.
To sound dangerous.
So people would
respect us and leave us alone.
That's no way to earn respect.
And then?
The bar owner,
a shady guy called Mr. Adi,
took it very seriously
and he's forcing us to do it.
What?
Basically,
he's threatening to kill us.
He took photos of our ID,
he knows where we live!
Yeah. He slapped Ionel.
And he broke our traffic light.
Let's not digress.
-Which bank?
-Euro Est.
Who's this Adi guy?
Not sure, but by the description...
probably Adi Năstac.
He owns a bar.
Yes, him!
Boys, look.
It would be best for everyone
if you behaved.
I behave!
-What do we do?
-I'll talk to this Adi.
Thank you.
I mean, if you do the heist,
we don't want the police in your way.
Excuse me?
Let's set the date and
call back all personnel on patrol.
-I'm on it.
-You don't want to operate
in fear of the police showing up.
We're not doing any heist!
I understand.
If you're not, you're not.
But if you happen to do it,
I should know, to make sure
it runs like Swiss clockwork.
I bet his dad was
in the Secret Police.
We're number one suspects for a crime
we haven't even committed!
What are we going to do?
Who stands to lose most
if this heist goes ahead?
-Us!
-Apart from us.
-Excuse me, this is urgent!
-Wait your turn!
Evelina Pricop, branch manager.
What's happened?
Madam, you're going to get robbed.
My God.
Why not go to the police?
That's where we've come from.
-And?
-That's the worst part.
The Captain advised us to go ahead
and said he'd cover us.
The police, just think!
-Meaning?
-He wants a slice of the pie.
We swear! It's why we're here.
You're our last resort.
This is our first such case.
What do we do?
Can I have some water?
Still or fizzy?
-Tonic.
-Right.
Please.
So...
When do the mobsters
and the police want their heist?
Judging by that smack,
I reckon soon.
-I'm so grateful for your warning.
-Please.
Thanks for seeing us.
Listen...
If it's not too much trouble
for you...
Could you maybe do it...
When I send you word?
Mrs. Manager.
We're not doing it, it's what we've
been trying to explain!
We're not robbers.
Of course, I was joking.
But the mob and the police
think otherwise.
Because they're bonkers!
Bonkers or not,
who's going to stop them?
Madam, are you in your right mind?
Thank you for your visit.
I warned you! Let go!
Wait, I--
It's your money too!
Everything okay?
Unbelievable.
Bank managers are as corrupt
as police chiefs.
-You hear things on the news, but...
-If I'd banked there,
I'd have asked for
a bigger overdraft.
There must be someone
who'll take us seriously.
Someone who won't just want
a piece of the loot.
Just one person!
Wait, that's where we're going wrong.
Not just one person.
We should be telling everyone.
I'm Teodor "Doru" Leonte.
Me and my colleague Ionel Baciu
from the Public Works Department
have extremely important information
on a heist at Euro Est Bank
and, most importantly, on corruption.
This is gold! Front page material!
It will make headlines everywhere
once we publish it.
And then?
I mean, what comes next?
Lots of scandals,
dismissals, investigations.
I can promise you this:
No one will dare touch you again.
The press really is
the Fourth Estate!
Lord be with us!
We're in the clear. Good luck
wiggling out of a news story!
It's over, Doru!
We'll be heroes!
-I've never been in the paper.
-I have.
Seriously. When?
It was nothing.
Tell me!
I was a teenager...
and I did a thing at school,
for charity.
-What thing?
-A thing. I danced the...
I danced the macarena for 24 hours.
The macarena?
I was in the paper!
I broke the record.
I raised 50 lei.
Old lei!
I hope they put that
in the paper tomorrow.
What's so funny?
Should we pick another bar tonight?
Definitely. Who's paying?
-Maria? Elena?
-Up here!
-Maria!
-She's sleeping at Diana's.
-What did you say to her?
-Nothing, what do you mean?
-Her project.
-The "Inabit" watch?
I only told her
not to take it too seriously.
And why shouldn't she?
Who would buy that nonsense?
You know where she got the idea?
Her whole childhood, with you being
unpunctual and breaking promises.
-Like what?
-"I'll be home in an hour" was three.
"Seaside trip in one week"
became a month.
"When will it be, Daddy?"
"In a bit."
It piled up.
So, upon closer inspection,
you're the spiritual father
of her invention.
It arrived today!
It's so beautiful.
But where will we keep it
after the wedding?
It could stay here.
So I trip over it in the night?
You sleep on that side of the bed.
EURO EST BANK
THE BANK OF YOUR DREAM
It's today's, right?
-Front page, nothing.
-Found it?
There's nothing online.
Real estate, luxury hotels...
Morning, boys.
How's work on my plan?
We told the press everything.
Hold this.
It's not under Politics,
obviously not under
Culture or Foreign News...
You're really shameless.
Use the door.
Mr. Doru, in you go.
-There's no room.
-Scram!
-Help!
-Mr. Adi, I'm sorry!
Be glad they didn't publish it.
Let us go!
Excuse me.
Excuse me, the lady...?
-Who?
-The journalist who sat here.
Hair down to here, really fluffy.
Mrs. Sorina isn't with us anymore,
she got promoted to Town Hall.
-And our interview?
-What interview?
The interview! About the bank,
the mobsters, the police!
No one's told me anything.
-Who decides what gets printed?
-Mrs. Mayor.
What does she have to do with it?
She owns this newspaper.
"Dog Stolen After
Being Tied Up Outside Casino".
The newspaper finds that
more important than our story!
They paid off the journalist
with a promotion.
Someone in the Mayor's office
may be in on it.
We don't stand a chance, do we?
Are your phones back in the car?
Good.
-Thank you for calling me, Madam.
-Evelina Pricop.
Captain Caraion, County Police.
And Mr. Adi.
Old friends?
-About five minutes old.
-Just met.
I'm very glad the three of us
could meet.
As pillars of the local community,
we should be in touch.
-Tell me, how serious is this joke?
-Very serious.
You're not considering
robbing an armored van!
Of course not.
Unless you want us to.
Me?
-Of course not.
-You could've said that on the phone.
I just wanted to... make sure...
-No, just no!
-Me neither.
Then fuck off.
Mr. Adi! Mrs. Evelina!
Wait a minute! Mr. Adi!
Look. No one's robbing anything!
But for the sake of imagination,
if they were,
what amounts are we talking about?
It depends.
Today, for example,
we had 11 million lei.
About 2.3 million euro.
-Divided by four...
-578.000.
There's only three of us.
The Public Works boys
deserve a quarter for doing it.
-True.
-And she gets a quarter?
For lying on her back
and letting us rob her?
And for telling you
the exact day you should rob me.
Unless you're content
with small change.
The Public Works boys
are hard to convince.
If I may offer some advice...
Don't pressure them.
Threaten their family and friends.
It's called persuasion, Mr. Adi.
Where are you going?
-I'm on the night shift.
-Again?
Give me a hand.
-You've hardly eaten.
-I'll eat on patrol.
What?
Let the dog out and lock the gate.
Cori!
Cori?
You gave me such a scare!
To our new home.
No champagne?
Wait!
-What have I done to you?
-Nothing, Maria.
If you touch a single hair of--
What happened to you?
-Nothing.
-Nothing?
Some hoodlums sheared her!
This is hideous!
For the love of...
Dad, is that my hair?
Yes, I found it by the front door.
They know where we live!
-What are you--
-Calling the police!
-Don't!
-Why not?
They're... busy.
My name is Elena Leonte,
I'm calling to report an assault.
If we hadn't found him--
The gold!
It's all here.
The money!
It's all here.
What did they steal?
No! My dress!
Something stinks.
-Pee?
-Pee.
-So you weren't injured.
-No.
No sexual assault?
-No.
-Sure?
No sexual assault.
They just cut half my hair.
Forcibly cutting a girl's hair
is a form of sexual assault.
No, Mom, it isn't.
I'll have to agree with your mother.
And we take assault very seriously.
No girl should suffer this.
I have a daughter too,
I couldn't stand it if she was hurt.
If she did, I'd feel very guilty.
Like it was my fault too.
For not being there.
At least in my thoughts.
Or my actions.
My decisions.
If you see what I mean.
I certainly do.
How did you determine it was pee?
Doru!
Elena, what happened?
Some hoodlums sheared Maria.
Just look!
It's full of criminals out there!
-We've had a break-in.
-What?
They didn't steal anything.
It was much worse.
-What?
-They stained my wedding dress.
They peed on it!
Let's go talk outside.
You too, dear.
I'm sorry.
What for?
It wasn't your fault.
Besides, you know...
I actually like this!
No, I'm sorry for
what I said about your project.
If you've found something
you can really believe in,
it's great to do it.
No matter what people,
me, or your mom say.
If you really believe in--
What's the watch called again?
-Inabit.
-Inabit, yes.
Then go ahead with it.
And I'll be proud of
you no matter what.
Happy birthday for tomorrow.
For now it's just a prototype,
but I want you to have it.
It's tomorrow already!
Thank you.
So we lock all three each time.
-Remember to lock up after me.
-Where are you going?
-To have a beer with Doru.
-I'm coming too.
Mirela, the door is safe,
you won't get hurt.
What about you?
Thank you.
-Take care.
-You too.
-Lock all three, alright?
-Yes!
Can't we just find a new bar?
They already know where we live.
Still, no need to go there
every night.
It's safer.
If he thinks we're on his side,
they'll leave our families alone.
-Anything for you?
-Yes, two beers.
Excuse me.
Put them on the boss' tab.
-Mr. Adi will be glad to hear it.
-I know.
And the remote, please.
In a moment.
Just because I'm nice.
So we're really doing this?
Are you crazy?
Robbing the bank van?
No, Ionel,
we will try to rob the bank van.
And fail successfully.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
My name is Jenny
My name is Doru.
How are you?
I'm fine, thank you!
Hello!
Good morning!
My name is Doru.
Well, my name is Ionel.
When do I get to listen to
what I want on the radio?
-Why are you trying to learn English?
-I have ambitions.
These CDs are really instructive.
Last week it was
"How to make a million from stocks".
How's that going?
Well, it takes time. And money.
Shit!
How did you manage to spill it
with your speed?
I can drive fast!
-If I have to.
-Only if you have to.
Here's a good one.
The sewers back up
at an intersection.
Stench and shit everywhere.
People call the Mayor.
"Send some plumbers!"
Two show up:
the supervisor, hands in his pockets,
and the apprentice,
carrying the toolbox.
One looks in, rolls up his sleeves,
then breathes in...
And dives into the shit.
Bubbles start coming up.
He surfaces.
He tells his apprentice,
"Pass the 13-mm wrench."
What the hell?
The apprentice obeys,
the guy goes back under.
Then nothing!
No muck, no bubbles!
The apprentice, scared, thinks:
"The Boss drowned in shit!"
-What?
-Wait!
And switch it back!
Fixed!
What's the hurry?
We're leaving in a minute!
There, free to go to work.
The joke?
Finally, all the muck starts
draining out.
People applaud,
the Boss comes up proudly,
wipes some shit off
and tells his apprentice:
"Better learn the ropes, or you'll
be stuck carrying the toolbox!"
-Get it?
-Hanging around again, guys?
What the...?
What?
Doru! Ionel!
Good luck, guys.
Seriously? Obstructing a fire engine
on a mission?
They only turned on the siren
after they stopped!
It was the armored bank van!
It almost hit our bucket again, too!
No one respects us, Boss,
it's always our fault!
This is the world we live in!
People can afford more cars nowadays.
Your job is to be invisible,
to do the maintenance
like you're not even there!
Or we can replace
all traffic lights with roundabouts
and stay the hell home!
-All clear?
-Crystal clear.
-Why is the joke always on us?
-It's just workplace banter.
-When do we get to make the jokes?
-We will.
When?
We'll land jokes so hard
they won't know what hit them.
The match is about to kick off.
I booked us a table.
Is this a new bar?
Old bar, new owner.
If we like it, it will be great
for when we get off work.
-Can I help?
-We have a reservation.
-Your name?
-Doru.
This way, please.
Excuse me!
Your table.
-This?
-We'd like another.
It's all we have.
-We wanted to watch the game.
-So?
That pillar is blocking our view
of the TV!
I'm a waitress, not an architect.
Something to drink?
Yes, two beers.
Goal, Romania!
When I was little,
I had this toy set.
A whole town,
with little streets and lights.
Cars, too.
This traffic light was my favorite.
I had no idea how much shit
I'd have to deal with because of it.
It's okay,
we'll just rob the bank van!
Say what?
Didn't we say we'd rob it?
We switch the traffic light
to direct it the way we want,
then, on a side street,
we switch to red and strike.
-And run with the dough.
-Right!
You can control the lights
and deactivate surveillance cameras.
I can look up
how to break into an armored vehicle.
-But how to keep it there?
-With the lights!
We switch to red
and stab their tires.
-Cheers!
-Cheers.
People are complete idiots!
They fell for it!
Who would believe we'd actually...
rob the bank van!
And how they stared at us!
See you, bye.
You're the joke!
You're the best joke ever!
Bye.
Hello, Madam.
Beer-scented perfume. Not so hot.
Yeah, right.
I was having a beer when I met you.
Speaking of beer,
it was your turn to cook tonight.
Sure, I'll cook the sauce!
I hung around with Ionel.
Tomorrow at 11, okay?
Yes, hello to you too.
What's at 11?
-The school thing.
-Can't your mother go?
You'd send me alone,
like to a parent-teacher meeting?
-What's this?
-You'll see.
I want you both there tomorrow.
Like the other parents.
Except for those
dead or divorced, pick your category.
She got us there!
Ionel!
So where do we get
200 wedding guests?
Why 200?
To make a down-payment
for a home with the gift money.
To begin with,
we don't know 200 people.
Besides...
That would be the right number.
-No it isn't.
-You multiplied by 200 guests.
But that's 100 couples,
so only 100 gift envelopes.
I felt so smart,
and then you came along.
Mirela, wait.
Mirela!
I'll raise the earnings
from the wedding by 20%
if you show me your boobs.
You go first.
The witnesses.
They pay around 2,000 euros,
remember?
Keep that up and so will I.
I'm out of ideas.
Such a pity!
And I've just waxed, too.
All over.
We cut the dessert.
-And the carriage.
-And the doves.
Where are your overalls?
I'm going to Maria's
class presentation.
No coffee for you then,
you'll spill it!
I'll drop you off and
head over to the school.
Come on! Move it!
I'm in such a hurry!
I'm already late!
The LEDs have a polarizing filter,
making them invisible to animals.
Since only people can see them,
they would prevent hunting accidents
where hunters shoot other hunters,
mistaking them for game.
If I had invented this vest sooner,
my uncle would still be alive.
Late again.
-Did I miss her presentation?
-It's coming up.
So I'm not late.
...from a shot to the face.
-Thank you, Sorin!
-Here is the photo.
-That will do.
-So stop hunting!
That will do, Sorin!
Next, another project,
by pupil Maria Leonte.
Hello.
In a world where watchmakers strive
to make timepieces more precise,
I bring you something
completely different.
The "Inabit" watch.
It is quite imprecise, to match
the Eastern European mindset.
The first thing you might notice
is that, apart from
the 12 hours we all know,
it has more.
Eastern Europeans are
not known for their punctuality.
Here, an hour has
more than 60 minutes,
a day has more than 24 hours,
and weeks can have
as many as 10 days.
It is basically
a watch for chronically late people.
I have a few prototypes here.
You can see them at the end,
if you stick around.
Thank you very much.
Seven, 6, 5...
4, 3, 2...
One... Go, Ionel!
Right.
All done.
Well done.
What did we do?
Seriously, throwing a cup at me?
The roads would be chaos
if we weren't out there every day,
doing our job.
-We're unsung heroes.
-Right.
-The oil that keeps the city moving.
-Right.
The Special Forces
of road maintenance.
Right!
Table for two?
This way, please.
I saved it for you.
It's all on the owner's tab tonight.
-Is it his birthday?
-No.
He's just generous.
Also...
He's waiting for you in his office.
To greet you.
We're so elite
we can go upstairs!
Don't embarrass me now.
Hello, I'm Adrian.
Doru.
-Ionel.
-Adi is fine.
Take a seat. Like our place?
-Nice, clean.
-Close to home.
Glad you like it.
I wanted to meet you
and congratulate you
for your initiative.
The thing with the heist.
On the bank van.
No need to worry.
It's all safe with me.
Good to know.
Between you and me...
Which bank?
Euro Est, by any chance?
Doru, I think we were a bit loud.
No worries.
You have my full support.
-Good to know.
-So it's a deal.
First, some details.
And what's second?
The heist, right?
What details, exactly?
My support, my help...
-I thought you understood.
-What does that involve?
Equipment, logistics...
My share.
What for?
For your heist.
We highly appreciate
your generous offer.
But, you see,
generally we prefer to be...
on our own.
We're okay.
-Meaning?
-We're not looking for partners.
Now I get it, I'm so stupid!
So it's your first hit, am I right?
That's just why you need me.
That's just why
we don't trust strangers.
I'm no stranger anymore.
I'm Mr. Adi, you're Doru, he's Ionel.
-No, the other way around.
-What did I say?
The other way around.
Guys, listen.
I have ties to the underworld,
where do you think I got money for--
Who let you out?
You want to embarrass me
in front of my guests?
-I need to pee.
-Really?
Why did you break my bar's rule?
-I'm sorry.
-Then say the rule out loud.
-Tips go to the boss.
-Louder.
-Tips go to the boss.
-I can't hear you.
-Tips go to the boss!
-Piece of shit.
Tips always go to the boss!
Sit down.
Sit down.
-He's not breathing!
-He's fine, I held back.
-You hit his throat!
-What is it, Boss?
That's the last thing I needed.
If he croaks it, we'll say
he fell down the storeroom steps.
What do we do with these two?
I've just met them!
We can't risk witnesses.
There you go,
look who's back!
Come on, bub, I was joking!
Go clean yourself up.
Sit down, boys, it's all good.
Do sit.
Where were we?
-Tips go to the boss.
-Okay.
-Mr. Adi, this is a misunderstanding.
-All of it.
How so?
We were just joking.
There's no heist. Word of honor.
There will be.
Stick to your word.
What a bastard!
Pity, it was so close to home.
-We'll just find another bar.
-Yeah.
-Alright then, bye.
-Bye.
-Talk later.
-Bye.
ON THE DOT WORKSHOP
Maria!
Isn't it a bit late?
Why didn't you stay for the photos?
What photos?
Is there anyone missing?
I didn't know.
I had to get back to work.
What did you think of my project?
It was stupendous.
Thanks.
Of course, it's impractical.
It's a school project, right?
Yes.
Good, I was worried
you might take it too seriously.
It's a project for now, but I want
to develop and market it.
Market it? Who'd want to buy
an unpunctual watch?
Certainly not you,
the King of Punctuality.
Farewell, old friend.
Look, Ionel.
The end is near!
The traffic circle?
Putting us out of a job!
With pansies on top!
Highly practical.
I put this one up
in my first days with Cornel.
God rest his soul, remember him?
No, he died before you started.
That man drank like--
How's it going, boys?
Do that again and I'll smack you.
What's the news on our deal?
Our plan last night?
Mr. Adi, let's be serious.
Last night we were drunk, now
we're sober in the center of town.
There's no deal and no heist.
What did I tell you last night?
Don't you get it?
We weren't serious!
Well, I was.
Let's see your IDs.
Take care of it.
Pass me that hammer.
Wait, what--?
I want a detailed plan by tomorrow.
Got it?
Captain, two guys here to see you.
You might want to listen to them.
Captain, I'm Doru, he's Ionel.
We're with
the Public Works Department.
So?
After years of being
treated like dirt by drivers...
-As if we're causing traffic jams!
-...we showed off over a beer!
We made a bad joke.
In a bar.
About robbing a bank van.
-Why?
-It was stupid.
To sound dangerous.
So people would
respect us and leave us alone.
That's no way to earn respect.
And then?
The bar owner,
a shady guy called Mr. Adi,
took it very seriously
and he's forcing us to do it.
What?
Basically,
he's threatening to kill us.
He took photos of our ID,
he knows where we live!
Yeah. He slapped Ionel.
And he broke our traffic light.
Let's not digress.
-Which bank?
-Euro Est.
Who's this Adi guy?
Not sure, but by the description...
probably Adi Năstac.
He owns a bar.
Yes, him!
Boys, look.
It would be best for everyone
if you behaved.
I behave!
-What do we do?
-I'll talk to this Adi.
Thank you.
I mean, if you do the heist,
we don't want the police in your way.
Excuse me?
Let's set the date and
call back all personnel on patrol.
-I'm on it.
-You don't want to operate
in fear of the police showing up.
We're not doing any heist!
I understand.
If you're not, you're not.
But if you happen to do it,
I should know, to make sure
it runs like Swiss clockwork.
I bet his dad was
in the Secret Police.
We're number one suspects for a crime
we haven't even committed!
What are we going to do?
Who stands to lose most
if this heist goes ahead?
-Us!
-Apart from us.
-Excuse me, this is urgent!
-Wait your turn!
Evelina Pricop, branch manager.
What's happened?
Madam, you're going to get robbed.
My God.
Why not go to the police?
That's where we've come from.
-And?
-That's the worst part.
The Captain advised us to go ahead
and said he'd cover us.
The police, just think!
-Meaning?
-He wants a slice of the pie.
We swear! It's why we're here.
You're our last resort.
This is our first such case.
What do we do?
Can I have some water?
Still or fizzy?
-Tonic.
-Right.
Please.
So...
When do the mobsters
and the police want their heist?
Judging by that smack,
I reckon soon.
-I'm so grateful for your warning.
-Please.
Thanks for seeing us.
Listen...
If it's not too much trouble
for you...
Could you maybe do it...
When I send you word?
Mrs. Manager.
We're not doing it, it's what we've
been trying to explain!
We're not robbers.
Of course, I was joking.
But the mob and the police
think otherwise.
Because they're bonkers!
Bonkers or not,
who's going to stop them?
Madam, are you in your right mind?
Thank you for your visit.
I warned you! Let go!
Wait, I--
It's your money too!
Everything okay?
Unbelievable.
Bank managers are as corrupt
as police chiefs.
-You hear things on the news, but...
-If I'd banked there,
I'd have asked for
a bigger overdraft.
There must be someone
who'll take us seriously.
Someone who won't just want
a piece of the loot.
Just one person!
Wait, that's where we're going wrong.
Not just one person.
We should be telling everyone.
I'm Teodor "Doru" Leonte.
Me and my colleague Ionel Baciu
from the Public Works Department
have extremely important information
on a heist at Euro Est Bank
and, most importantly, on corruption.
This is gold! Front page material!
It will make headlines everywhere
once we publish it.
And then?
I mean, what comes next?
Lots of scandals,
dismissals, investigations.
I can promise you this:
No one will dare touch you again.
The press really is
the Fourth Estate!
Lord be with us!
We're in the clear. Good luck
wiggling out of a news story!
It's over, Doru!
We'll be heroes!
-I've never been in the paper.
-I have.
Seriously. When?
It was nothing.
Tell me!
I was a teenager...
and I did a thing at school,
for charity.
-What thing?
-A thing. I danced the...
I danced the macarena for 24 hours.
The macarena?
I was in the paper!
I broke the record.
I raised 50 lei.
Old lei!
I hope they put that
in the paper tomorrow.
What's so funny?
Should we pick another bar tonight?
Definitely. Who's paying?
-Maria? Elena?
-Up here!
-Maria!
-She's sleeping at Diana's.
-What did you say to her?
-Nothing, what do you mean?
-Her project.
-The "Inabit" watch?
I only told her
not to take it too seriously.
And why shouldn't she?
Who would buy that nonsense?
You know where she got the idea?
Her whole childhood, with you being
unpunctual and breaking promises.
-Like what?
-"I'll be home in an hour" was three.
"Seaside trip in one week"
became a month.
"When will it be, Daddy?"
"In a bit."
It piled up.
So, upon closer inspection,
you're the spiritual father
of her invention.
It arrived today!
It's so beautiful.
But where will we keep it
after the wedding?
It could stay here.
So I trip over it in the night?
You sleep on that side of the bed.
EURO EST BANK
THE BANK OF YOUR DREAM
It's today's, right?
-Front page, nothing.
-Found it?
There's nothing online.
Real estate, luxury hotels...
Morning, boys.
How's work on my plan?
We told the press everything.
Hold this.
It's not under Politics,
obviously not under
Culture or Foreign News...
You're really shameless.
Use the door.
Mr. Doru, in you go.
-There's no room.
-Scram!
-Help!
-Mr. Adi, I'm sorry!
Be glad they didn't publish it.
Let us go!
Excuse me.
Excuse me, the lady...?
-Who?
-The journalist who sat here.
Hair down to here, really fluffy.
Mrs. Sorina isn't with us anymore,
she got promoted to Town Hall.
-And our interview?
-What interview?
The interview! About the bank,
the mobsters, the police!
No one's told me anything.
-Who decides what gets printed?
-Mrs. Mayor.
What does she have to do with it?
She owns this newspaper.
"Dog Stolen After
Being Tied Up Outside Casino".
The newspaper finds that
more important than our story!
They paid off the journalist
with a promotion.
Someone in the Mayor's office
may be in on it.
We don't stand a chance, do we?
Are your phones back in the car?
Good.
-Thank you for calling me, Madam.
-Evelina Pricop.
Captain Caraion, County Police.
And Mr. Adi.
Old friends?
-About five minutes old.
-Just met.
I'm very glad the three of us
could meet.
As pillars of the local community,
we should be in touch.
-Tell me, how serious is this joke?
-Very serious.
You're not considering
robbing an armored van!
Of course not.
Unless you want us to.
Me?
-Of course not.
-You could've said that on the phone.
I just wanted to... make sure...
-No, just no!
-Me neither.
Then fuck off.
Mr. Adi! Mrs. Evelina!
Wait a minute! Mr. Adi!
Look. No one's robbing anything!
But for the sake of imagination,
if they were,
what amounts are we talking about?
It depends.
Today, for example,
we had 11 million lei.
About 2.3 million euro.
-Divided by four...
-578.000.
There's only three of us.
The Public Works boys
deserve a quarter for doing it.
-True.
-And she gets a quarter?
For lying on her back
and letting us rob her?
And for telling you
the exact day you should rob me.
Unless you're content
with small change.
The Public Works boys
are hard to convince.
If I may offer some advice...
Don't pressure them.
Threaten their family and friends.
It's called persuasion, Mr. Adi.
Where are you going?
-I'm on the night shift.
-Again?
Give me a hand.
-You've hardly eaten.
-I'll eat on patrol.
What?
Let the dog out and lock the gate.
Cori!
Cori?
You gave me such a scare!
To our new home.
No champagne?
Wait!
-What have I done to you?
-Nothing, Maria.
If you touch a single hair of--
What happened to you?
-Nothing.
-Nothing?
Some hoodlums sheared her!
This is hideous!
For the love of...
Dad, is that my hair?
Yes, I found it by the front door.
They know where we live!
-What are you--
-Calling the police!
-Don't!
-Why not?
They're... busy.
My name is Elena Leonte,
I'm calling to report an assault.
If we hadn't found him--
The gold!
It's all here.
The money!
It's all here.
What did they steal?
No! My dress!
Something stinks.
-Pee?
-Pee.
-So you weren't injured.
-No.
No sexual assault?
-No.
-Sure?
No sexual assault.
They just cut half my hair.
Forcibly cutting a girl's hair
is a form of sexual assault.
No, Mom, it isn't.
I'll have to agree with your mother.
And we take assault very seriously.
No girl should suffer this.
I have a daughter too,
I couldn't stand it if she was hurt.
If she did, I'd feel very guilty.
Like it was my fault too.
For not being there.
At least in my thoughts.
Or my actions.
My decisions.
If you see what I mean.
I certainly do.
How did you determine it was pee?
Doru!
Elena, what happened?
Some hoodlums sheared Maria.
Just look!
It's full of criminals out there!
-We've had a break-in.
-What?
They didn't steal anything.
It was much worse.
-What?
-They stained my wedding dress.
They peed on it!
Let's go talk outside.
You too, dear.
I'm sorry.
What for?
It wasn't your fault.
Besides, you know...
I actually like this!
No, I'm sorry for
what I said about your project.
If you've found something
you can really believe in,
it's great to do it.
No matter what people,
me, or your mom say.
If you really believe in--
What's the watch called again?
-Inabit.
-Inabit, yes.
Then go ahead with it.
And I'll be proud of
you no matter what.
Happy birthday for tomorrow.
For now it's just a prototype,
but I want you to have it.
It's tomorrow already!
Thank you.
So we lock all three each time.
-Remember to lock up after me.
-Where are you going?
-To have a beer with Doru.
-I'm coming too.
Mirela, the door is safe,
you won't get hurt.
What about you?
Thank you.
-Take care.
-You too.
-Lock all three, alright?
-Yes!
Can't we just find a new bar?
They already know where we live.
Still, no need to go there
every night.
It's safer.
If he thinks we're on his side,
they'll leave our families alone.
-Anything for you?
-Yes, two beers.
Excuse me.
Put them on the boss' tab.
-Mr. Adi will be glad to hear it.
-I know.
And the remote, please.
In a moment.
Just because I'm nice.
So we're really doing this?
Are you crazy?
Robbing the bank van?
No, Ionel,
we will try to rob the bank van.
And fail successfully.