True Story (2021): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
So, are you asking
if I was surprised?
I don't know.
I mean, maybe I was.
Look, you can think you know someone
because you've been through shit together.
Or because you came up together.
But to actually know
what's going on in a person's head,
or in their heart, I mean...
You can't know that.
You can't.
Like with me, I mean, people...
people think that they know me
because I made them laugh
or because they've been to a show.
But they don't know
what I did to get here.
Or what it takes to stay here.
When a person's back is against the wall,
and they gotta do whatever they can
to keep from losing what they got...
that's when you get to see
who a person is.
Or what they're capable of.
You know that about someone...
Well, then, maybe...
maybe then you can say that you know 'em.
But then again,
you know that...
maybe you wouldn't want to.
♪ You don't wanna fuck with me ♪
♪ Got the police bustin' at me ♪
♪ But they can't do nothin' to a G ♪
Let's get ready to rumble!
♪ Now, you know how we do it, like a G
What really go on in the mind of a nigga ♪
♪ Money over bitches
Not bitches over money ♪
Right this way, Kid.
Our first guest
is one of my favorites.
He's been here many times before.
His new film The Anti-verse
is playing in theaters now
and about to cross
one billion dollars at the box office.
This weekend, he'll be headed back
to his hometown, Philadelphia,
yeah, the City of Brotherly Love,
for the start of his worldwide
comedy tour, "What Did I Tell You?"
We're so lucky to have him here...
...and I'm proud to call him a friend.
Comedy star, TV star,
movie star, entrepreneur, mogul,
philanthropist, dreamboat.
Let's give a warm welcome for...
The Kid.
Thank you. Thank you.
And then we saw S tolen Money.
My wife and I couldn't stop laughing.
We stayed in the theater
and watched it twice.
Oh, I wrote that.
And you know what, Kid?
I cried the second time too.
The stuff with that little kid.
Thank you. I appreciate you, man.
We're gonna, uh, take off.
If you need anything, just ask.
Oh! Uh, when we
get over Houston, let me know.
Maybe open the plane?
I wanna throw some shit out.
He's talking about me.
- I can't.
- No?
- It's illegal to open it.
- It's illegal.
I know that, I was joking.
I'm fucking with you.
- Morning, Herschel. Morning, Billie.
- Morning.
I see I was right,
that everyone here is in first except
for the person who makes Kid funnier.
- Todd.
- Okay. So...
Once you make him hilarious,
you get to come in first class.
That's the team rule.
How did Ellen go this morning?
- Same as always. I've done it 20 times.
- She loves you.
Nothing's different. It was great.
I, uh,
I have something to tell you, guys.
- Um, I got this offer, um...
- Excuse me?
That's not your seat, is it?
Oh, shit. How the fuck do you know?
Okay. Okay, I'm gonna go,
but you guys have fun here.
We're talking about jokes.
If a joke was a person...
You look great.
- See you, Billie, on the ground.
- You're so mean today.
- So mean today.
- Don't cross her.
Holy shit.
Hey.
Hey, man, it's you!
Oh. Oh!
Now I get it. Bodyguard, right? Right?
He's with me.
You're from Philly.
I remember seeing you
at the Laff House back in college.
Know what the funniest bit
you ever did was?
The 50 different meanings
when Black folks say "nigga."
Oh!
Funny. So funny.
"Nigga!"
"Nigga!"
Look here, man, you might wanna sit down.
Whoa. Hey. Hey.
Chill out, Hersch. Chill out. He's a fan.
He's an excited fan, but he's still a fan.
You know that girl that was just here?
Who you was talking to? She's responsible
for that. She wrote that.
So funny.
I'll be sure to send your love.
But I think the way
you just delivered it was aggressive.
That was a lot. I get it,
you're trying to make an impression.
So I just want you to know that you did.
- You made one.
- Thank you.
You can relax.
Oh, my God, I said "ah" not "er."
- There's a difference, right, Kid?
- No.
No, there's actually not a difference.
Why don't you just relax?
You're flying commercial, huh?
- If I had your money, I'd fly private...
- Dude.
It's time to take your seat,
we're about to take off. Have a seat.
Oh, you're the manager? Oh...
Right. Right, right, right, right.
- Sir, can you take your seat?
- Absolutely.
- You tell jokes, he keeps you rich, right?
- Have a good flight, sir.
It's unreal.
It's unreal.
Fuck. My phone dead. You got a charger?
Uh, I need my chargers on this.
I'm sorry, I'm working.
I could text the hotel,
they'll have one waiting.
- Hersch.
- Yeah.
- Todd's useless, got a charger?
- Yeah, let me check, boss.
Hey.
You can use mine, bro.
Just remember to give it back.
Not that I don't trust you,
I mean... you're you.
- I'm a nigga.
- Yeah. You're my nigga!
I'm two seconds
from knocking you the fuck you out.
- Hersch, goddamn, Hersch, please.
- You hear me?
What we gonna gain? We'd be
in jail soon as we get off the plane.
Let that man live.
Hey, Kid! Kid!
Good to see you after all this time.
- How you doing? What's up, Gene?
- It's Gene. Yeah!
I remember you.
Hey! I'm good.
- Now that you're on tour, I'm great.
- Nice.
Congrats on The Anti-verse
almost hitting a billion.
- I've seen it like five times.
- Thank you. Thank you.
In here, we will find
our presidential suite.
There are two bedrooms.
This is the master.
- Where they got you?
- I'm in earshot down the hall.
- I'ma jump on this call. You good?
- Yeah, I'm straight.
- All right. In a minute.
- In a minute.
Would you like me to demonstrate
the bedroom lighting scheme?
It's really quite complex.
No.
Um...
Let me...
Let me see what the other room look like.
Just in case I mess this one up.
Uh...
Apologies.
This is not standard to be so dark.
There you go, that's much...
What the fuck is this?
What the fuck is this, man?
- What is this, man? Come on!
- I don't know. I'm sorry.
- You're sorry?
- Must be some sort of practical joke.
On who? Who's the joke on?
- Is it on me or you?
- I don't know.
- I don't think it's funny. Do you...
- What the fuck?
What the fuck y'all doing in here?
- Who the fuck are you?
- Who the fuck are you?
- Why the fuck are you in my room?
- Why the fuck are you in my room?
- Is this real?
- We don't need to...
- What the fuck you doing in here?
- Is he with you?
- No.
- Then that means that you're with me.
He comes close, we fuck him up.
- Oh, fuck me up?
- "Fuck him up"?
- We fuck him up. Bottom line.
- I don't know...
- I don't think I can fuck him up.
- Man, this street shit!
I did eight years for murder,
I ain't scared.
This ain't got shit to do
with you and your jail time.
You gonna show me up in front of my lady?
You goddamn right.
Listen to me! Hey!
Hey, man! Street shit!
- Come on with it, I dare you.
- We jumpin' him.
- On fucking three.
- I dare ya.
- One. Two.
- Let's go!
- Huh?
- Ditmar, let's go! Three!
Let's go, Ditmar!
Please. Please. Please.
What's up, Carlton?
- Yo, what's up?
- What's up, brother?
- What's up? What's up?
- My brother, he's staying here.
- We're fucking with you.
- I see.
- He does this type of shit.
- Me and my girl are fucking with you.
In that case, a warm welcome
to the Four Seasons Philadelphia.
Yeah, yeah. A warm welcome to you too.
Man, the blow-up doll?
That's a new touch.
- Yeah, brother.
- Oh, God.
Almost lost a lung
trying to blow that motherfucker up.
Hey, do you know that they put
the room rate on the walls here?
$5,000 a night.
I don't have to pay that.
I ain't paid for a room in years.
Maybe they put it up there so they
can let people know this is the shit
most regular motherfuckers cannot afford.
You do know they're not giving me
the room, though, C. I'm working for it.
I ain't say you wasn't, bro.
Don't get sensitive, man.
How about this, C?
I'm happy to see you, man.
I'm happy to see you too, man.
Coming up and everything.
- Yes, sir.
- On your grind.
- On tour.
- Yes, sir.
Got the kiddie movie
coming out, going big.
It's not a kiddie movie, C.
It's a superhero movie.
A superhero movie
that's almost at a billion dollars.
Wow, dude, I ain't see it, man.
I was gonna see it, though,
but not really my thing. You know?
It's not your thing
but you know it's a kiddie movie?
Gotta be a kiddie movie,
your movies don't make a billion dollars.
Yeah, kiddie movie.
So, uh, Christian like it?
Christian likes everything I do.
Really? I mean, maybe
he's just saying that to be nice.
Why would my son lie to me?
All right, how about this. Whether
you saw it, didn't see it, like it,
didn't like it, it doesn't matter.
The studio wants to give me
$25 million to do another one.
- Whoo. Damn.
- Somewhere somebody likes it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, well, that's good,
they definitely do that.
'Cause kiddies love that shit.
Is that the third or fourth "kiddies"?
- Mm.
- Can't keep track at this point.
I'm sorry about the restaurant.
We ain't dead yet, man.
Just gotta work some things out.
We ain't dead.
- I still got the liquor license, though.
- But you got no restaurant.
But as long as I got the liquor license,
I can come back.
A liquor license means nothing
without the restaurant.
What are you in, 1.3 mil now?
It's over.
No. Nah. it ain't over. I know we in deep,
but, you know, look, bro.
The liquor license is non-transferable.
That's, like, 400, 500K, man.
Yo, we're good.
Terry told me you asked for $600,000.
- Terry got an attitude, man!
- Cut the shit, man.
- Terry got an attitude!
- Man, stop.
- I wanted to check that mother...
- Stop. Stop.
Six hundred thousand dollars, C?
Look, look, look.
It takes money to make money, right?
You know that.
When have you made money?
Tell me when you've made money.
You had the car wash.
After, you had the check-cashing place,
but that kept getting robbed.
Now we're at a restaurant.
At this point, it's not about the money.
Hey. Hey, I know, man.
I know I done fucked up some shit.
I ain't trying to be, like,
the burden all the time.
Tell you what. Let's not do it.
I just got here, just checked in, I see
my older brother. I don't wanna do this.
- Yeah.
- Let's have a good time.
- Yeah. That's right. Yeah.
- Right?
All the boys, all your
whole crew gonna be there tonight.
- Now... Now we're talking.
- Mm-hmm.
The whole crew? Is Gus gonna be there?
I ain't seen Gus in the longest time, man.
I miss Gus. Talking shit.
- Gus not gonna be there, man.
- Why?
Gus dead, man.
What the fuck you mean, Gus died? What?
Nobody tell me Gus died.
Why didn't you tell Gus died?
'Cause Gus ain't dead!
- Yes. Yes, good one.
- Every now and then, right?
I told you to get dressed.
This what you're wearing tonight?
- Yeah. What's wrong with this?
- That's what you're wearing.
- Want me to double breast it?
- No, no, no. You do you.
That's your vibe, not mine.
I'ma go get dressed.
Uh... I'll be out in a little bit.
- We're gonna have a good time tonight.
- Yeah.
Shit.
Seemed he was starting
to get comfortable with us being apart.
Seems so,
but he wants to come see you on the road.
I would love that. I don't know
how I would make that work.
I don't want him to think that I'm not
focused on him, you know what I mean,
and... and his needs.
With you being a baby momma now,
I gotta up the ante on my presence.
Ha ha. And the award
for best divorced couple goes to...
Look, if it can be done,
we're gonna do it at a very high level.
Uh, I need your opinion on something.
What do you think about this joke?
"My son's friends
really do think I'm a superhero,
and now those little fuckers
wanna fight me."
Mmm... Nah.
Let me give it a little punch.
"My son's friends
really think I'm a superhero and now..."
Yeah, no, fuck it.
It's stupid, I'll throw it away.
All right, I gotta go.
Tell Christian I love him. I miss him.
He's my everything.
All of the above. Okay?
I will.
- Hey.
- Yo.
Are you nervous?
It's the first time
you've been out in quite a while.
I ask for your opinion on a joke,
and you take that as me being nervous?
Concerts don't make me nervous.
Now, am I annoyed?
That would've been a better question.
That, I am.
Doing damage control with Carlton.
Yo, Kid, we gotta make soundcheck!
All right, gimme two minutes, Hersch.
Here I come.
- I'm serious, I gotta go, Mo. All right?
- Good luck, and baby needs some new shoes!
Baby has a $17 million house,
so baby can kiss my ass. Bye.
All right, believe it or not,
y'all, that's my time, Philly!
You already know who's coming up next!
One of the funniest
motherfuckers in the business.
I'm talking about
billions of dollars in the movies.
Showcases. Comedy showcases.
This nigga done been all around the world.
- All right. Showtime.
- Showtime, baby, showtime.
Y'all know how we do,
we go to bring it in.
- Let's get this prayer in.
- Yes, sir.
Here we go. All right, dear Lord,
let these jokes be funny
and the reviews be good. Amen!
Amen to that, the reviews are good.
The reviews are always good. Okay?
- Go get it!
- Yes, sir.
- I want seconds!
- They're ready?
- They're ready.
- My guy!
All right, you motherfuckers ready
to have a good time tonight?
Wassup, Philly?
Y'all ready to have a good time tonight?
That's not good enough,
I can't hear y'all.
I said, y'all ready
to have a good time tonight?
- Fucking unbelievable!
- Dude, it felt so good.
- It did? That was like... Ah!
- So good.
- So good.
- So good.
Your brother and his crew,
they're backstage.
- I gave 'em a wave, they're in the corner.
- Okay.
Okay. Let me just put this
in your head real quick, okay?
This is when Carlton
starts to become Carlton.
VIP room wasn't good enough,
so I made him a V-VIP room.
I don't know what that is. I made that up.
I watch you take baby steps with him,
you don't take them with other people.
Todd, just leave it the fuck alone, man.
Please, just leave it alone.
I know how to deal with my brother.
- I do.
- Yes, you do. Okay.
I know this Black family politics thing
is tough for you.
You're talking to a Jew from Texas.
I know crazy families.
Let me do the bits, Todd.
- On a serious note, look, for me.
- You don't have to...
- No.
- Okay.
Eye to eye.
I promise you Carlton will no longer
fuck up my life after tonight.
- All right?
- Thank you.
- I love you, man.
- I love you back.
Hey...
I'll be out there with them.
Hey, Todd,
why did he cut all my jokes tonight?
Why do you act like it's the first time?
Just go with the flow.
Yeah, I might have a different flow.
Okay, what? Clarify.
It's what I was
trying to tell you on the plane.
I'm not gonna keep writing
discarded material.
Not when I have a new job offer
I could be focusing on.
- Oh. Okay. What's the new job offer?
- Writing a script for Will Ferrell.
A-ha.
He read one of my scripts, he dug it,
and wants me to do one for him.
Okay.
I just... I feel like I need to tell Kid.
That you're leaving the show?
If he's not using my material,
then what am I doing here?
Yeah, sorry, you can't leave. No.
Because I'm so valuable to him?
Like, he just needs my jokes so much?
Billie, it's not just the jokes.
It's the banter.
Your presence.
It's like we're a little family.
It's the way you give him shit,
makes him feel normal.
And it keeps you paid.
Very, very well.
- Can I give you a piece of advice?
- Sure.
If you tell me to chill out or have
a drink, I'm gonna poke out your eyes.
You can do both these things.
Take the job, keep your mouth shut
about it, keep fighting for your jokes.
Okay.
Yeah. Okay.
But only if he knows I'm doing both.
Okay. But you let me
figure out when to tell him.
Of course.
- Have a good night.
- Thanks.
- Congratulations.
- Yeah.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- What up, champ?
- What's up, man?
- Nice.
- Yo.
My guy. Appreciate you.
Hey. Wassup, man?
- Chilling.
- All right?
Enjoyed the show. I'm glad. I'm glad.
Here we go.
Come on.
You! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey!
What's up? What's up, man?
- Wassup! It's good to see you.
- Long time, man!
- Good to see you. Gus!
- My brother!
- Now, right here been a minute!
- Goddamn!
- Man!
- How y'all doing, man?
- Not as good as you. Better than Carlton.
- Stop it.
- Come on. Come on.
- Whatever, man, whatever.
Okay, so what we into? What we into?
What you mean?
You know we gonna hit the club.
- I know you rolling, right, superstar?
- The club? With y'all suckers?
No. My brother knows how to remove
himself from the scene of the crime.
And, plus, he's got
his chaperone over there.
Yeah.
- This is weird for you?
- Look how serious he is.
Say no more. Say no more.
I'm not here to put
a weird vibe in here with my guys.
Hey, just gimme a sec, man.
My guy. Thank you.
Okay, is that better?
That better? Are we good?
You need some drinks for that.
I'm on drinks. Let's do this.
Yeah, man, come on. Let's do it.
- Drinks? Drinks?
- Or shots?
- Yeah, that top-shelf vodka.
- Yeah.
Get the vodka on that.
- Hey,
- Yeah.
Real quick, between us, you know
I'm not really trying to drink like that.
I'm six months sober.
Oh, right. As many times
as you done fell off, I forgot.
Yeah, but we can't celebrate without you.
Come on, just a little sip, man.
Just a little sip.
All right. Yeah, this is a toast
to my little brother.
- Always got my back.
- There it is.
- There it is.
- Yes, sir.
My man.
Oh yeah.
Fill 'em up! Fill 'em up!
You know how we do, back-to-back.
- That's right.
- Back-to-back.
- There it is, that's my man!
- Whoa!
What's good, man? Go ahead,
finish that up, man. Quit playin'.
You want us to put a nipple on it?
Come on, man. Drink it.
We could add some salt,
baby bottle, finish that.
Let's go! Get on the level!
- Let's get it.
- Down the hatch with us.
Hmm? Whoo!
- There he is! My man.
- That's what I'm talking about, boy!
- Yeah! How we used to do!
- We gonna have some fun.
Look, excuse me a second.
Oh, okay. Okay.
Yo, there you go.
Wait, hold, hold up.
We went to see
your latest movie the other day.
We missed half the jokes
'cause C was in there
laughing his ass off.
- Carlton was doing that? Ah.
- Yeah, Carlton.
Wait, he... he didn't tell you he saw it?
Wait, why do you say that?
No, man. He told me,
he said y'all went, had a good time.
He said it was love.
- Yeah, man. It was off the chain.
- Yes, sir.
- Proud of you.
- Stop it, man.
- Don't know what this means to me.
- Come a long way.
I wanna introduce you
to some of my friends.
Thank y'all for coming out tonight.
Much appreciated.
We don't need a club,
I just made one for you right here, baby.
That's right. Ladies, ladies,
you know who this is, right?
- Yeah, we do.
- Go ahead. Introduce yourselves.
Can I take a picture with you?
- Yeah? Thank you.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ah, I love it. Thank you.
Sorry, that was...
One shot this time. Just one?
♪ I got more slaps than The Beatles ♪
♪ Foreign shit runnin' on diesel, dawg ♪
♪ Playin' with my name
That shit is lethal, dawg... ♪
- Okay.
- Go.
- Okay.
- Another one.
- Another one, damn. Hold on.
- Yeah.
- There it is.
- Mmm.
So?
It's insane. I can't believe
you got me drinking like this. Shit.
- You're cool. Gimme a second please.
- Okay.
All right. Hey.
I gotta get the fuck outta here.
- You already took a sip, man.
- No. Come on.
Listen, I ain't been this bad in a minute.
I've been... I've been dry for a while.
We gonna keep this shit
between us, all right? All right?
- Besides, I need a wingman.
- You need a wingman?
Yeah, I need a wingman, man.
You can't leave. You gotta stay.
You want me to stay, I'll stay.
But I ain't staying all night.
I ain't doing that.
Not all night. I'll stay for a little bit.
Man.
I love you, man.
- Don't, I love you, man.
- I love you too.
And, and...
I didn't mean to let you down.
I'm sorry about that.
All of it. All of it.
♪ She said are you rich rich?... ♪
Hey, maybe tomorrow
we can talk about the money?
I mean, I can save this restaurant, man.
Listen, I hear what you're saying.
But you... you gotta listen to me too,
though, right?
You ain't let me down.
When you let me down?
I ain't never say you let me down.
You keep saying that.
Love.
But you keep saying you need it.
"I need it."
You don't need it. You want it.
It's a big difference between
what you need and what you want.
Maybe this whole thing that happened
and this shit happened for a reason.
It happened to show you.
You know what I mean?
To... to give you
a different look at this shit.
Mm. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. But we're here
to celebrate you, all right?
- We're celebrating me?
- We celebrate you.
I like that.
Hey, real quick.
I know I'm your wingman,
but answer this question.
Is she cute?
- I think she cute.
- Yeah, she cute, man.
♪ Every time I'm in my trap
I move like Rambo ♪
♪ Ain't a neighborhood in Philly
That I can't go ♪
♪ That's a Fendi
For real ♪
K? K, wake up. Wake up, man.
Wake up.
Wake up. Wake up. Come on. Come on.
Come on, come on, wake up.
What the fuck you doing?
What do you mean, come on?
Get out of my fucking room.
- What the fuck are you doing? What?
- Just come on.
What are you doing, man?
What the fuck are you doing? What?
- What'd you take, K? What'd you take?
- I didn't take shit.
- What did you give her?
- I ain't give nobody nothing.
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- Shit.
What are you... What's the problem?
- What's the fucking problem?
- We got a situation.
- What situation?
- She dead.
She dead, man.
Fuck you mean, she dead?
How you know she's not breathing?
Did you check her?
Carlton, did you fucking check her?
Oxy. The big ones.
I'm calling a fucking ambulance.
- I'm calling an ambulance!
- No.
Let me call a fucking ambulance.
You just said she...
If you call the ambulance,
they'll call the fucking cops.
They'll call the fucking cops.
She got kids, man?
How the fuck
I know if she got kids?
Did she take a picture of us
while we were there?
Did people see her leave with us?
People saw you leave here,
come in the fucking hotel.
Of course they seen.
Listen, I'm telling you, man.
Your next move better be a smart one.
- I gotta get my phone, man.
- What the fuck you doing?
- I gotta get my...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You think this is some fucking DUI
or something like that?
Some of that bullshit
you put up on Twitter?
Dude, you got a body.
I'm fully aware
of the fucking situation, man.
But at least,
if I get my phone, I'll call Todd.
Todd can come. Todd can help us
figure this shit the fuck out, man.
No, no, no. You can't call your counselor
and have this conversation
over the next fucking weeks.
Dude, you got a dead woman
in your fucking bed.
Next to you!
Fuck.
I fucked up.
I fucked up, man.
Shit.
I got this. I'ma take care of this, man.
What do you mean, you got this?
What do you mean?
Do you understand
what the fuck is happening?
Everything I worked hard for, everything
I bust my fucking ass for is over.
It's a wrap, man.
Throw that shit in the trash.
What the fuck I'ma say to Mo?
How am I gonna explain
this shit to Christian?
I need to call someone
that can... that can help us
and... and really help
figure this shit out.
You need to shut the fuck up.
I told you I got this.
What you gonna do, Carlton?
All right.
We gonna tell the cops
that she was with me.
I was the one that brought her here,
you went in your room, we went in my room,
and then, you know, she OD'ed in my room.
You ain't know nothing about it.
See, that way, like, if the cops gotta
arrest somebody, then they arrest me,
and nobody gonna be suspicious
because I already got a jacket,
you know what I mean?
So, yeah.
This way, we keep you out of it.
That's your plan, C?
Yeah.
They not gonna let you own that.
They would never let you own that,
even if the cops fucking believed you.
The press is gonna spin it.
"It's a dead girl in Kid's room."
That's the headline.
That's what it's gonna say on CNN.
- That's what it's gonna say on CNN.
- Okay, all right.
You come up with a better plan, then.
I shoulda just fucking did
what I was supposed to do, man.
And what was that?
Stay fucking sober.
Be truthful, tell you it was time
to be better and do better.
Forget the fucking restaurant,
man, let that shit go.
I dropped the ball on all that.
I saw her, my gut said, "Get out, go."
It said, "Get out of there."
Yo, don't go confuse
your gut with your dick.
Like I said,
you need to come up with a better plan,
if you got one,
'cause if you gonna do this bullshit,
leave me the fuck out of it.
They're not gonna believe your plan, C.
But I agree, I...
I can't tell Todd about this.
There might be another way.
- What does that mean?
- I'ma call somebody I know.
You just... What?
- Whoa, whoa. Hold up.
- You just told me we can't call nobody.
Now you saying let's call somebody?
I'm gonna call
this Greek gangster dude, man.
- He know how to handle this kind of shit.
- I don't know.
- You don't know? You...
- I don't know.
Listen, if you don't trust me,
just say it.
You don't have faith in me, just say it.
I mean, you the fuck
talking about you don't fucking know.
Seven hours ago,
you the biggest motherfucker since Eddie.
Now you're about to be
the most scandalous motherfucker.
Your fans, you think
they go hear about this shit?
They gonna get with this?
You don't need this, man.
K, I'm telling you, you don't need this.
I got this. All right?
Listen to me, you can't fuck this up.
You can't.
Like, you...
you cannot fuck me on this one, man.
Like Mom always told us,
good Lord ain't put
more on us than we can handle.
Come on, man.
So, what's this guy supposed to do?
Look, the less you know, the better.
Just stay cool.
He's gonna call up when he gets here.
I thought you said
he was gonna call.
Uh...
You gotta... You gotta get it, man.
You gotta get the door.
Yo, what's, what's up, Hersch?
I wanted to check in on Kid
before I crash for the night.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, he good, man.
Him and old girl,
they hittin' it off back there.
Yeah, it's all nice.
Look, we're trying
to distance him from that stuff.
Soon-to-be billion-dollar man and all.
Look, uh...
I got a little late-night snack here
I'm trying to...
Trying to finish up right now,
you know what I'm saying?
Alright, man, but he needs to be
up and out by 8:00.
- Yeah. Eight o'clock.
- He got a screening to go to.
Okay. Screening to go to.
Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Good. Yeah.
Tell Todd that everything's cool.
He and old girl hit it off.
He down for the night.
- All right. Cool. Bye.
- Okay, yeah, bye. See you now.
- It's eight o'clock
- Uh-huh. Eight o'clock.
Suck ass. Scared me to fucking death.
- Yo, what's this thing about a screening?
- Goddamn. Boys and Girls Club, man.
They're screening Anti-verse today.
Yeah.
Yo.
You're here?
Okay, yeah, 1437.
Solid.
Okay, he's here.
All right, all right,
so now the party's started.
What's up, Carlton?
Yo, anybody see you?
Yeah, but they don't know
what I'm doing here, so fuck 'em.
You know, all the time, you were
telling me that he was your brother.
I thought it was a lie,
I didn't believe you,
but now I get to meet him
because he killed somebody.
He's got a weird sense of humor.
K, this is Ari.
Ari, this is K, my brother.
- Hey, Carlton's brother.
- I didn't kill nobody.
He didn't... He didn't kill anybody?
So where's Sleeping Beauty?
- Bedroom.
- Yeah, of course.
- Accident or some tabloid shit?
- Accident.
Yeah, well,
that's what they all say. Hmm?
Until they clear charges
or write their memoirs or shit.
Celebrities! They're funny, right?
You know, your jokes are fucked up.
Hello? Honey, I'm home.
He's got a fucked-up sense of humor,
but he's right and exact. He's a pro.
Is he a pro or is he somebody
that wants to be a fucking comedian?
What was that? Is this a joke to him?
She is dead. About as dead as dead can be.
So here's what we're gonna do.
We are going to order
room service, okay. For two people.
We're gonna order two steaks,
two eggs, some juice.
Hash browns,
you like hash browns? A little bacon.
Tea and coffee.
And a cheeseburger. Okay?
Then I want you to go
to 20th and Commerce.
You will find a beige Chrysler 300.
I want you to drive that thing in
to the Cuthbert Street service entrance.
You're gonna park it facing west,
20 feet from two double yellow doors.
Most importantly, listen to me,
you're gonna reverse in from 19th Street.
Why? Because the Chase Bank has cameras.
I cannot look at that face!
- That is... Oh. Anyway, you got it?
- Got it.
Yeah?
C, you got it?
Yeah, he's got it. Kid, are you religious?
- What?
- God. Do you believe in God?
- Well...
- Doesn't matter.
You don't have to believe in God
to believe in angels.
Think of me as an angel
who has come to you
in your darkest hour of need
to guide you through it.
Before I fade from memory.
It's nice, right?
No.
Not when you put it like that,
it's not nice at all.
All right, well, it will be nice
when we pull it off.
Okay, okay, I ordered.
Kid, you gotta keep
your shit together, okay?
Can't have that look on your face
when room service comes.
What face?
That look like,
"a girl just died in my room"
after you had sex with her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ari. Ari. K is out of this.
- Mm-hmm.
- I got this.
Hmm? You get the cart and the car.
I'm gonna get started in there.
What are you about to do in there?
Uh, well, she's gonna need
a little help getting in that cart.
Right? It's not very pretty,
but you're welcome to watch
if that's what gets your dick hard.
- What the fuck...? Is he playing?
- Stop. Stop.
- Is he playing?
- Go to my room.
- Is this a game?
- No. Go to my room.
This is my fucking life.
- Okay. Let's go.
- What's he talking about my dick for?
- Come on. Go in the room.
- C, this ain't playing games, man.
Okay. Just chill. It'll be over soon.
How the fuck
did I get myself into this, man?
♪ I want you to be near ♪
You go up, I go down.
You go, "near." I go, "near."
Wrote that while you were sleeping.
- Where is she?
- She's gone.
What did you expect?
That came as well.
So, when Carlton gets here... Check it out.
You gotta eat it,
or flush half of it, doesn't matter.
It's gotta look
like it's eaten, all right?
And the...
I couldn't get fresh sheets because
that would mean we call housekeeping.
So the dirty sheets
that are on the floor in there,
I want you to grab them
and put them in the tub
and run hot water over
and use those little bottles of shampoo.
Dump the whole thing on there,
get her scent and her hair out,
make sure the drain is open, of course.
And, uh... Are you getting this?
You want me to write it down for you?
I'm kidding, right?
Write it down. It's a fucking felony.
Why would you write it... down?
But what you should do
is, uh, answer this question.
If someone says,
"Have you seen this girl?"
You say, "I don't know
who the fuck you're talking about."
And don't pretend like this is your first
groupie whose name you don't remember.
It's probably why
you're getting divorced, right?
Don't give me that face.
Come on, man, it was in the papers.
There is... one rule you gotta remember.
And that is: no body, no crime.
Listen. Girls like this,
they disappear all the time,
and no one comes looking.
So, we good?
All right, let's talk about my fee.
Carlton said that you were gonna, um...
- That you was gonna hook him up.
- Would you do a set at my house for free?
All right, then, how much does...
How much does something like this cost?
Are we talking $50,000?
Fifty thousand dollars? Um...
Come on, man, you're rich.
You made, what? 68 million
doing concerts, appearances, movies.
That was just this year.
So, no, I don't think 50 is gonna cut it.
So how much?
I'm thinking 500,000.
A month.
For a year.
Five...
Five hundred thousand dollars a month.
For a year.
So you're talking about a total of...
Six million dollars. Yeah.
What? That's too much?
Come on, you made that
from that Meryl Streep movie.
Were you cool being her, uh, butler?
- I'd be her butler for six million.
- Hey, you and Carlton friends?
Friends don't mean you get a freebie.
- So, six million?
- That's right.
Come on.
Considering all you've given Carlton.
I'm worth way more, dollar for dollar.
Which is why you will pay me.
First installment is due Monday.
Number's on the card.
And if I don't hear from you by 7:00 a.m.,
then that story that runs on TMZ...
that is going to be one
they will never forget.
If you think I'm gonna go to the cops,
don't worry about that.
Because what I'm gonna do to you if you
don't pay will be a hell of a lot worse.
Come on now, eat up.
Everything's taken care of.
We're good.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Everything will be okay?
Yeah.
He asked me for six million dollars, C.
Six, what?
No, nah he wouldn't do that, man.
He did it while you were fucking gone.
He asked me for six million dollars, C.
This motherfucker!
Hey, look, hey... Look K, man.
I knew he was gonna cost you,
I ain't know it was gonna be all that.
Let me just talk to him.
I know this motherfucker. I'll...
I'll work it out.
I got this. I got this. Okay?
Why is it that
every time you tell me you got it,
I feel like I get in more trouble?
- You notice that?
- Trust me, bro.
Whenever you say you got it,
you never have it.
And I asked you, C. I asked you.
I said, "Don't fuck me on this one."
That's what I said to you.
Now, I look up and I'm getting fucked.
I'm getting fucked.
Why can't you do anything right?
What's your record, 0 for a 100?
As a matter of fact, I know because
I got people in LA keeping score,
and they're keeping score with dollars.
With fucking dollars.
Because that's what I spend on your ass.
- Yo, careful, man.
- Careful? Careful for what?
If Friday the 13th were a person,
it would be you.
I'm your fucking younger brother.
I've been
taking care of you my whole life.
Un-fucking-real. All I've done for you,
and this is how you repay me?
Man, fuck you with that bullshit.
- Me going pro went south because of you.
- Stop with the going pro!
Shut up, man! You didn't go pro
because you got caught on a corner.
Oh, okay.
You're not the only person who got caught
and had a chance to rebuild their life.
Jay-Z did.
Biggie did it. They somehow went up.
But what did my brother do?
Well, he does what he always does.
My brother somehow found a way to lose.
Because that's what you do,
you fucking lose.
This fucking loser act
that you've perfected over the years,
guess what, it finally rubbed off.
I'm right there with you, but now I got
a lot more to lose than just my career.
A whole lot more.
Your bitch-ass is all bold
now that the body gone?
"Bitch-ass" now.
Look, if you think I fucked up, then,
you can go ahead and deal with Ari
any way you choose.
But just remember this...
This time,
you ain't paying for my fuck-up.
This one is all yours.
Bruh.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Hey. What up, Terry? Can you hear me?
- Kid, is that you?
Yeah, it's me.
What time is it? Are you okay?
Um...
Yeah, I'm good, it's, uh... You know.
It's a little late, but I'm straight.
Dude, I'm thinking...
I think it's time that I, um...
I start doing more
for my family, man, right?
Like, mainly... mainly Carlton.
You didn't talk to him, did you?
No, we talked.
We had a long talk, actually.
Um...
You know,
maybe we should get Todd up. Huh?
- No. Don't do that, Terry.
- What?
Don't fucking do that, man.
- I didn't call Todd, I called you.
- No, I know.
Now, what I want you to do is listen.
Okay.
For a change, just listen.
Okay.
I, um...
I just want to set Carlton up
one last time.
Okay, all right. How much? When?
I feel like if I'm gonna do it,
I just wanna do it right, so...
you know, I wanna give him like...
I wanna give him, like, 500.
500K at the top of every month.
For the next year.
Kid, do you need me to send
the police to your room right now?
- I mean, just gimme a sign. Is he there?
- No, Terry. What did I ask you to do?
- I know, but...
- What did I ask you to do?
- Yeah, but...
- I said, for once, do your fucking job.
- I understand.
- What I asked you to set my brother up.
That means, in the morning,
call the fucking bank,
tell the bank what I need.
Transfer the money
so it goes to Carlton's account,
and then... and then, moving forward,
do the same thing at the top of the month
so it goes down for the...
Okay. Kid, you just can't give
somebody that kind of money.
You can't.
You have to report
something like this, declare it.
What are you talking about?
When...? Since when?
I didn't... Name another time
when I've had to do it.
It's the law. We get audited
every year for every dime you spend.
Kid, I've been doing this a long time.
You give someone that kind of money,
it doesn't buy you what you think.
It's a green light,
and they keep coming back for more.
That kind of money,
it's not one last time.
- I hear you.
- Okay.
- I just need to think, I need to, um...
- Okay.
I need to think about,
you know, the whole thing.
- So just hold off.
- Yeah, take your time.
- Just hold off. Don't do shit.
- Okay.
- Till I tell you to do it.
- Okay. You got it.
My advice is to reopen the restaurant,
you run the money through there,
and, boom, you declare it.
Celebrities, they always go stupid with
their money in restaurants, it's simple.
So, how are we gonna play it?
I'll get you the money.
I mean, but if you want me
to give you six mil,
you gotta do better
than telling me it's all good.
How may I ease your mind?
Well, how do I know
it's not coming back on me?
How do I know you haven't talked
to the world? Who else knows you're here?
Who knows about this, knows about me?
- I have none of these answers.
- Nobody.
Except your brother.
- You're just gonna have to trust me.
- No.
No, that's not gonna fucking fly, man.
You gotta do a much better job
of selling me than that, Ari.
Okay, you gotta put my mind at ease.
If you don't wanna put my mind
at ease, then maybe I keep the money.
I'll take my chances with the cops.
Me and you may end up
sharing a cell, for all I know.
Okay, maybe we do.
I'm sorry, man.
You're just not a very good actor.
But I'll play with you, Hollywood.
All right? I'll play. How's this?
In my line of work, someone finds out
I got my hooks into something fat,
they want a piece of that action.
And I don't want that.
When you find gold, you don't tell
everyone where it's buried, right?
You keep it all to yourself.
And you, my friend,
I am going to keep all to myself.
What about fucking Daphne?
How are you so certain that the cops
won't find her body on their own?
Because it's someplace safe
where nobody will find it.
How do I know that in a month
you don't go and jack the price up on me?
The minute I cash the first check,
I am your partner.
- I share the same risk.
- You're my partner?
Okay, so I guess that means
I gotta trust you, right?
We're gonna do the, um...
we're gonna do the restaurant thing.
Good.
I'll put it in you and Carlton's name.
Y'all take it from there.
After that, I don't wanna talk to you
no more. I don't wanna see your face.
I don't wanna be associated
with you anymore.
I don't know if I can do that, I mean,
I kinda thought maybe
I'd be an... and actor,
and maybe you could give me
a role in one of your movies.
You just think
you can shit on me, don't you?
You can shit all over me because
I need your fucking help,
is that what you think?
Kid, just take a fucking shower.
Have a good shit. Stop waking up
with dead girls in your bed,
and this will go away.
You won't have to do this again.
Can we get on with it?
How'd you get the body out of here?
It's a hotel, there's cameras everywhere,
how'd you do it?
I had to break some bones.
Then I folded her up, into a little ball,
and I stuffed her into the cart.
We rolled that cart
to the service elevator.
Fourth floor cameras are out,
so we went to the fourth floor and then...
the trash chute's on the fourth floor,
it leads down
to the Cuthbert Street Dumpster.
You see, I used to have a contract
with this place, this hotel. So...
And then I wrapped her in a tarp,
and your brother and I,
we put her in the trunk of a car,
and we went away.
Okay.
But I got a question for you now.
How does it feel to be so rich?
You're unreal, man.
It's complicated.
Well, I've got time.
Bet you fucking do.
Everything I got, I earned. That's all me.
I never had my hand out,
I never took something that wasn't mine.
I never hurt anybody.
I took a lot of people with me.
A whole lot of fucking people.
And all those people rely on me now.
And now you rely on me.
Being rich ain't that simple, Ari.
Just like you
getting that dead body out of here,
it's a lot of twists and turns.
See, the funny thing about making money,
the more you make, the more you realize
the money is secondary
to the decisions you make.
Sorry. You really believe
that shit, right? Like...
No, I'm asking because I saw you on TV,
you were doing all that motivational shit.
And I thought it was
just a bunch of crap, a gimmick,
but you're standing here telling me,
and you actually believe it.
- I do.
- All right.
When people run up on me and talk shit
and think they can get away with it,
well, that's why that pisses me off.
It annoys me.
It annoys the fuck out of me.
Because of what I believe, well...
That's the reason
these same people can't take advantage.
Will you just write the fucking check?
I heard you.
Write the fucking check.
It's so easy to take too. Right?
Everybody can just fucking take from me.
- Why not? It's so fucking easy for me too.
- Uh-huh.
'Cause everybody else assumes
that it's easy,
but the difference between you
and everybody else is that you...
you made a mistake.
You told me how to get
the fucking body out!
You fucker!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you! Huh?
You wanna fucking take from me?
Huh?
You wanna fucking take from me?
Huh?
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Get the fuck off me.
What's up? What you doing up?
It's 2:00 a.m. there.
Patrick spent the night,
and we watched a scary movie.
You're not supposed to watch scary movies.
I know, but I did.
Patrick's asleep, and now I'm afraid.
You ain't gotta be afraid, man.
I told you that. Plus, the monsters, they...
The monsters only come after
the people that they know are scared.
Are you having fun?
No.
No, man, I'm not having fun.
Why don't you go to bed, okay?
I'll call you in the morning.
Okay. Well, I love you.
I miss you.
- I miss you too.
- Mm...
Go to bed, Dad.
What the fuck did you do?
I decided that I didn't wanna pay
six million dollars.
♪ I ain't a killer, but don't push me ♪
♪ Revenge is like the sweetest joy
Next to gettin' pussy ♪
♪ Picture paragraphs unloaded
Wise words bein' quoted ♪
♪ Peeped the weakness in the rap game
And sewed it ♪
♪ Bow down ♪
♪ Come with me
Hail Mary, nigga, run quick, see ♪
♪ What do we have here now?
Do you wanna ride or die? ♪
♪ La la-da-la la la la la ♪
♪ Come with me
Hail Mary, nigga, run quick, see ♪
♪ What do we have here now?
Do you wanna ride or die? ♪
♪ La la-da-la la la la la ♪
♪ Penitentiaries is packed
With promise-makers ♪
♪ Never realized the precious time
That bitch niggas is wastin' ♪
♪ Institutionalized, I live my life
A product made to crumble ♪
♪ But too hardened for a smile
We're too crazy to be humble ♪
♪ We ballin', catch me, Father, please
‘Cause I'm fallin' in the liquor store ♪
♪ Pass the Hennessy ♪
♪ I hear you callin'
Can I get some more? ♪
♪ Hell, 'til I reach Hell
I ain't scared ♪
♪ Mama checkin' in my bedroom
I ain't there ♪
♪ I got a head with no screws in it
What can I do? ♪
♪ One life to live
But I got nothin' to lose ♪
♪ Just me and you ♪
♪ On a one-way trip to prison
Sellin' drugs ♪
♪ We all wrapped up in this livin'
Life as thugs ♪
♪ To my homeboys in Clinton Max
Doin' their bid ♪
♪ Raise hell to this real shit
And feel this ♪
♪ When they turn out the lights
I'll be there in the dark ♪
♪ Thuggin' eternal through my heart
Now hail Mary, nigga! ♪
♪ Come with me
Hail Mary, nigga, run quick, see ♪
♪ What do we have here now?
Do you wanna ride or die? ♪
♪ La la-da-la la la la la ♪
♪ Come with me
Hail Mary, nigga, run quick, see ♪
♪ What do we have here now?
Do you wanna ride or die? ♪
if I was surprised?
I don't know.
I mean, maybe I was.
Look, you can think you know someone
because you've been through shit together.
Or because you came up together.
But to actually know
what's going on in a person's head,
or in their heart, I mean...
You can't know that.
You can't.
Like with me, I mean, people...
people think that they know me
because I made them laugh
or because they've been to a show.
But they don't know
what I did to get here.
Or what it takes to stay here.
When a person's back is against the wall,
and they gotta do whatever they can
to keep from losing what they got...
that's when you get to see
who a person is.
Or what they're capable of.
You know that about someone...
Well, then, maybe...
maybe then you can say that you know 'em.
But then again,
you know that...
maybe you wouldn't want to.
♪ You don't wanna fuck with me ♪
♪ Got the police bustin' at me ♪
♪ But they can't do nothin' to a G ♪
Let's get ready to rumble!
♪ Now, you know how we do it, like a G
What really go on in the mind of a nigga ♪
♪ Money over bitches
Not bitches over money ♪
Right this way, Kid.
Our first guest
is one of my favorites.
He's been here many times before.
His new film The Anti-verse
is playing in theaters now
and about to cross
one billion dollars at the box office.
This weekend, he'll be headed back
to his hometown, Philadelphia,
yeah, the City of Brotherly Love,
for the start of his worldwide
comedy tour, "What Did I Tell You?"
We're so lucky to have him here...
...and I'm proud to call him a friend.
Comedy star, TV star,
movie star, entrepreneur, mogul,
philanthropist, dreamboat.
Let's give a warm welcome for...
The Kid.
Thank you. Thank you.
And then we saw S tolen Money.
My wife and I couldn't stop laughing.
We stayed in the theater
and watched it twice.
Oh, I wrote that.
And you know what, Kid?
I cried the second time too.
The stuff with that little kid.
Thank you. I appreciate you, man.
We're gonna, uh, take off.
If you need anything, just ask.
Oh! Uh, when we
get over Houston, let me know.
Maybe open the plane?
I wanna throw some shit out.
He's talking about me.
- I can't.
- No?
- It's illegal to open it.
- It's illegal.
I know that, I was joking.
I'm fucking with you.
- Morning, Herschel. Morning, Billie.
- Morning.
I see I was right,
that everyone here is in first except
for the person who makes Kid funnier.
- Todd.
- Okay. So...
Once you make him hilarious,
you get to come in first class.
That's the team rule.
How did Ellen go this morning?
- Same as always. I've done it 20 times.
- She loves you.
Nothing's different. It was great.
I, uh,
I have something to tell you, guys.
- Um, I got this offer, um...
- Excuse me?
That's not your seat, is it?
Oh, shit. How the fuck do you know?
Okay. Okay, I'm gonna go,
but you guys have fun here.
We're talking about jokes.
If a joke was a person...
You look great.
- See you, Billie, on the ground.
- You're so mean today.
- So mean today.
- Don't cross her.
Holy shit.
Hey.
Hey, man, it's you!
Oh. Oh!
Now I get it. Bodyguard, right? Right?
He's with me.
You're from Philly.
I remember seeing you
at the Laff House back in college.
Know what the funniest bit
you ever did was?
The 50 different meanings
when Black folks say "nigga."
Oh!
Funny. So funny.
"Nigga!"
"Nigga!"
Look here, man, you might wanna sit down.
Whoa. Hey. Hey.
Chill out, Hersch. Chill out. He's a fan.
He's an excited fan, but he's still a fan.
You know that girl that was just here?
Who you was talking to? She's responsible
for that. She wrote that.
So funny.
I'll be sure to send your love.
But I think the way
you just delivered it was aggressive.
That was a lot. I get it,
you're trying to make an impression.
So I just want you to know that you did.
- You made one.
- Thank you.
You can relax.
Oh, my God, I said "ah" not "er."
- There's a difference, right, Kid?
- No.
No, there's actually not a difference.
Why don't you just relax?
You're flying commercial, huh?
- If I had your money, I'd fly private...
- Dude.
It's time to take your seat,
we're about to take off. Have a seat.
Oh, you're the manager? Oh...
Right. Right, right, right, right.
- Sir, can you take your seat?
- Absolutely.
- You tell jokes, he keeps you rich, right?
- Have a good flight, sir.
It's unreal.
It's unreal.
Fuck. My phone dead. You got a charger?
Uh, I need my chargers on this.
I'm sorry, I'm working.
I could text the hotel,
they'll have one waiting.
- Hersch.
- Yeah.
- Todd's useless, got a charger?
- Yeah, let me check, boss.
Hey.
You can use mine, bro.
Just remember to give it back.
Not that I don't trust you,
I mean... you're you.
- I'm a nigga.
- Yeah. You're my nigga!
I'm two seconds
from knocking you the fuck you out.
- Hersch, goddamn, Hersch, please.
- You hear me?
What we gonna gain? We'd be
in jail soon as we get off the plane.
Let that man live.
Hey, Kid! Kid!
Good to see you after all this time.
- How you doing? What's up, Gene?
- It's Gene. Yeah!
I remember you.
Hey! I'm good.
- Now that you're on tour, I'm great.
- Nice.
Congrats on The Anti-verse
almost hitting a billion.
- I've seen it like five times.
- Thank you. Thank you.
In here, we will find
our presidential suite.
There are two bedrooms.
This is the master.
- Where they got you?
- I'm in earshot down the hall.
- I'ma jump on this call. You good?
- Yeah, I'm straight.
- All right. In a minute.
- In a minute.
Would you like me to demonstrate
the bedroom lighting scheme?
It's really quite complex.
No.
Um...
Let me...
Let me see what the other room look like.
Just in case I mess this one up.
Uh...
Apologies.
This is not standard to be so dark.
There you go, that's much...
What the fuck is this?
What the fuck is this, man?
- What is this, man? Come on!
- I don't know. I'm sorry.
- You're sorry?
- Must be some sort of practical joke.
On who? Who's the joke on?
- Is it on me or you?
- I don't know.
- I don't think it's funny. Do you...
- What the fuck?
What the fuck y'all doing in here?
- Who the fuck are you?
- Who the fuck are you?
- Why the fuck are you in my room?
- Why the fuck are you in my room?
- Is this real?
- We don't need to...
- What the fuck you doing in here?
- Is he with you?
- No.
- Then that means that you're with me.
He comes close, we fuck him up.
- Oh, fuck me up?
- "Fuck him up"?
- We fuck him up. Bottom line.
- I don't know...
- I don't think I can fuck him up.
- Man, this street shit!
I did eight years for murder,
I ain't scared.
This ain't got shit to do
with you and your jail time.
You gonna show me up in front of my lady?
You goddamn right.
Listen to me! Hey!
Hey, man! Street shit!
- Come on with it, I dare you.
- We jumpin' him.
- On fucking three.
- I dare ya.
- One. Two.
- Let's go!
- Huh?
- Ditmar, let's go! Three!
Let's go, Ditmar!
Please. Please. Please.
What's up, Carlton?
- Yo, what's up?
- What's up, brother?
- What's up? What's up?
- My brother, he's staying here.
- We're fucking with you.
- I see.
- He does this type of shit.
- Me and my girl are fucking with you.
In that case, a warm welcome
to the Four Seasons Philadelphia.
Yeah, yeah. A warm welcome to you too.
Man, the blow-up doll?
That's a new touch.
- Yeah, brother.
- Oh, God.
Almost lost a lung
trying to blow that motherfucker up.
Hey, do you know that they put
the room rate on the walls here?
$5,000 a night.
I don't have to pay that.
I ain't paid for a room in years.
Maybe they put it up there so they
can let people know this is the shit
most regular motherfuckers cannot afford.
You do know they're not giving me
the room, though, C. I'm working for it.
I ain't say you wasn't, bro.
Don't get sensitive, man.
How about this, C?
I'm happy to see you, man.
I'm happy to see you too, man.
Coming up and everything.
- Yes, sir.
- On your grind.
- On tour.
- Yes, sir.
Got the kiddie movie
coming out, going big.
It's not a kiddie movie, C.
It's a superhero movie.
A superhero movie
that's almost at a billion dollars.
Wow, dude, I ain't see it, man.
I was gonna see it, though,
but not really my thing. You know?
It's not your thing
but you know it's a kiddie movie?
Gotta be a kiddie movie,
your movies don't make a billion dollars.
Yeah, kiddie movie.
So, uh, Christian like it?
Christian likes everything I do.
Really? I mean, maybe
he's just saying that to be nice.
Why would my son lie to me?
All right, how about this. Whether
you saw it, didn't see it, like it,
didn't like it, it doesn't matter.
The studio wants to give me
$25 million to do another one.
- Whoo. Damn.
- Somewhere somebody likes it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, well, that's good,
they definitely do that.
'Cause kiddies love that shit.
Is that the third or fourth "kiddies"?
- Mm.
- Can't keep track at this point.
I'm sorry about the restaurant.
We ain't dead yet, man.
Just gotta work some things out.
We ain't dead.
- I still got the liquor license, though.
- But you got no restaurant.
But as long as I got the liquor license,
I can come back.
A liquor license means nothing
without the restaurant.
What are you in, 1.3 mil now?
It's over.
No. Nah. it ain't over. I know we in deep,
but, you know, look, bro.
The liquor license is non-transferable.
That's, like, 400, 500K, man.
Yo, we're good.
Terry told me you asked for $600,000.
- Terry got an attitude, man!
- Cut the shit, man.
- Terry got an attitude!
- Man, stop.
- I wanted to check that mother...
- Stop. Stop.
Six hundred thousand dollars, C?
Look, look, look.
It takes money to make money, right?
You know that.
When have you made money?
Tell me when you've made money.
You had the car wash.
After, you had the check-cashing place,
but that kept getting robbed.
Now we're at a restaurant.
At this point, it's not about the money.
Hey. Hey, I know, man.
I know I done fucked up some shit.
I ain't trying to be, like,
the burden all the time.
Tell you what. Let's not do it.
I just got here, just checked in, I see
my older brother. I don't wanna do this.
- Yeah.
- Let's have a good time.
- Yeah. That's right. Yeah.
- Right?
All the boys, all your
whole crew gonna be there tonight.
- Now... Now we're talking.
- Mm-hmm.
The whole crew? Is Gus gonna be there?
I ain't seen Gus in the longest time, man.
I miss Gus. Talking shit.
- Gus not gonna be there, man.
- Why?
Gus dead, man.
What the fuck you mean, Gus died? What?
Nobody tell me Gus died.
Why didn't you tell Gus died?
'Cause Gus ain't dead!
- Yes. Yes, good one.
- Every now and then, right?
I told you to get dressed.
This what you're wearing tonight?
- Yeah. What's wrong with this?
- That's what you're wearing.
- Want me to double breast it?
- No, no, no. You do you.
That's your vibe, not mine.
I'ma go get dressed.
Uh... I'll be out in a little bit.
- We're gonna have a good time tonight.
- Yeah.
Shit.
Seemed he was starting
to get comfortable with us being apart.
Seems so,
but he wants to come see you on the road.
I would love that. I don't know
how I would make that work.
I don't want him to think that I'm not
focused on him, you know what I mean,
and... and his needs.
With you being a baby momma now,
I gotta up the ante on my presence.
Ha ha. And the award
for best divorced couple goes to...
Look, if it can be done,
we're gonna do it at a very high level.
Uh, I need your opinion on something.
What do you think about this joke?
"My son's friends
really do think I'm a superhero,
and now those little fuckers
wanna fight me."
Mmm... Nah.
Let me give it a little punch.
"My son's friends
really think I'm a superhero and now..."
Yeah, no, fuck it.
It's stupid, I'll throw it away.
All right, I gotta go.
Tell Christian I love him. I miss him.
He's my everything.
All of the above. Okay?
I will.
- Hey.
- Yo.
Are you nervous?
It's the first time
you've been out in quite a while.
I ask for your opinion on a joke,
and you take that as me being nervous?
Concerts don't make me nervous.
Now, am I annoyed?
That would've been a better question.
That, I am.
Doing damage control with Carlton.
Yo, Kid, we gotta make soundcheck!
All right, gimme two minutes, Hersch.
Here I come.
- I'm serious, I gotta go, Mo. All right?
- Good luck, and baby needs some new shoes!
Baby has a $17 million house,
so baby can kiss my ass. Bye.
All right, believe it or not,
y'all, that's my time, Philly!
You already know who's coming up next!
One of the funniest
motherfuckers in the business.
I'm talking about
billions of dollars in the movies.
Showcases. Comedy showcases.
This nigga done been all around the world.
- All right. Showtime.
- Showtime, baby, showtime.
Y'all know how we do,
we go to bring it in.
- Let's get this prayer in.
- Yes, sir.
Here we go. All right, dear Lord,
let these jokes be funny
and the reviews be good. Amen!
Amen to that, the reviews are good.
The reviews are always good. Okay?
- Go get it!
- Yes, sir.
- I want seconds!
- They're ready?
- They're ready.
- My guy!
All right, you motherfuckers ready
to have a good time tonight?
Wassup, Philly?
Y'all ready to have a good time tonight?
That's not good enough,
I can't hear y'all.
I said, y'all ready
to have a good time tonight?
- Fucking unbelievable!
- Dude, it felt so good.
- It did? That was like... Ah!
- So good.
- So good.
- So good.
Your brother and his crew,
they're backstage.
- I gave 'em a wave, they're in the corner.
- Okay.
Okay. Let me just put this
in your head real quick, okay?
This is when Carlton
starts to become Carlton.
VIP room wasn't good enough,
so I made him a V-VIP room.
I don't know what that is. I made that up.
I watch you take baby steps with him,
you don't take them with other people.
Todd, just leave it the fuck alone, man.
Please, just leave it alone.
I know how to deal with my brother.
- I do.
- Yes, you do. Okay.
I know this Black family politics thing
is tough for you.
You're talking to a Jew from Texas.
I know crazy families.
Let me do the bits, Todd.
- On a serious note, look, for me.
- You don't have to...
- No.
- Okay.
Eye to eye.
I promise you Carlton will no longer
fuck up my life after tonight.
- All right?
- Thank you.
- I love you, man.
- I love you back.
Hey...
I'll be out there with them.
Hey, Todd,
why did he cut all my jokes tonight?
Why do you act like it's the first time?
Just go with the flow.
Yeah, I might have a different flow.
Okay, what? Clarify.
It's what I was
trying to tell you on the plane.
I'm not gonna keep writing
discarded material.
Not when I have a new job offer
I could be focusing on.
- Oh. Okay. What's the new job offer?
- Writing a script for Will Ferrell.
A-ha.
He read one of my scripts, he dug it,
and wants me to do one for him.
Okay.
I just... I feel like I need to tell Kid.
That you're leaving the show?
If he's not using my material,
then what am I doing here?
Yeah, sorry, you can't leave. No.
Because I'm so valuable to him?
Like, he just needs my jokes so much?
Billie, it's not just the jokes.
It's the banter.
Your presence.
It's like we're a little family.
It's the way you give him shit,
makes him feel normal.
And it keeps you paid.
Very, very well.
- Can I give you a piece of advice?
- Sure.
If you tell me to chill out or have
a drink, I'm gonna poke out your eyes.
You can do both these things.
Take the job, keep your mouth shut
about it, keep fighting for your jokes.
Okay.
Yeah. Okay.
But only if he knows I'm doing both.
Okay. But you let me
figure out when to tell him.
Of course.
- Have a good night.
- Thanks.
- Congratulations.
- Yeah.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- What up, champ?
- What's up, man?
- Nice.
- Yo.
My guy. Appreciate you.
Hey. Wassup, man?
- Chilling.
- All right?
Enjoyed the show. I'm glad. I'm glad.
Here we go.
Come on.
You! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey!
What's up? What's up, man?
- Wassup! It's good to see you.
- Long time, man!
- Good to see you. Gus!
- My brother!
- Now, right here been a minute!
- Goddamn!
- Man!
- How y'all doing, man?
- Not as good as you. Better than Carlton.
- Stop it.
- Come on. Come on.
- Whatever, man, whatever.
Okay, so what we into? What we into?
What you mean?
You know we gonna hit the club.
- I know you rolling, right, superstar?
- The club? With y'all suckers?
No. My brother knows how to remove
himself from the scene of the crime.
And, plus, he's got
his chaperone over there.
Yeah.
- This is weird for you?
- Look how serious he is.
Say no more. Say no more.
I'm not here to put
a weird vibe in here with my guys.
Hey, just gimme a sec, man.
My guy. Thank you.
Okay, is that better?
That better? Are we good?
You need some drinks for that.
I'm on drinks. Let's do this.
Yeah, man, come on. Let's do it.
- Drinks? Drinks?
- Or shots?
- Yeah, that top-shelf vodka.
- Yeah.
Get the vodka on that.
- Hey,
- Yeah.
Real quick, between us, you know
I'm not really trying to drink like that.
I'm six months sober.
Oh, right. As many times
as you done fell off, I forgot.
Yeah, but we can't celebrate without you.
Come on, just a little sip, man.
Just a little sip.
All right. Yeah, this is a toast
to my little brother.
- Always got my back.
- There it is.
- There it is.
- Yes, sir.
My man.
Oh yeah.
Fill 'em up! Fill 'em up!
You know how we do, back-to-back.
- That's right.
- Back-to-back.
- There it is, that's my man!
- Whoa!
What's good, man? Go ahead,
finish that up, man. Quit playin'.
You want us to put a nipple on it?
Come on, man. Drink it.
We could add some salt,
baby bottle, finish that.
Let's go! Get on the level!
- Let's get it.
- Down the hatch with us.
Hmm? Whoo!
- There he is! My man.
- That's what I'm talking about, boy!
- Yeah! How we used to do!
- We gonna have some fun.
Look, excuse me a second.
Oh, okay. Okay.
Yo, there you go.
Wait, hold, hold up.
We went to see
your latest movie the other day.
We missed half the jokes
'cause C was in there
laughing his ass off.
- Carlton was doing that? Ah.
- Yeah, Carlton.
Wait, he... he didn't tell you he saw it?
Wait, why do you say that?
No, man. He told me,
he said y'all went, had a good time.
He said it was love.
- Yeah, man. It was off the chain.
- Yes, sir.
- Proud of you.
- Stop it, man.
- Don't know what this means to me.
- Come a long way.
I wanna introduce you
to some of my friends.
Thank y'all for coming out tonight.
Much appreciated.
We don't need a club,
I just made one for you right here, baby.
That's right. Ladies, ladies,
you know who this is, right?
- Yeah, we do.
- Go ahead. Introduce yourselves.
Can I take a picture with you?
- Yeah? Thank you.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ah, I love it. Thank you.
Sorry, that was...
One shot this time. Just one?
♪ I got more slaps than The Beatles ♪
♪ Foreign shit runnin' on diesel, dawg ♪
♪ Playin' with my name
That shit is lethal, dawg... ♪
- Okay.
- Go.
- Okay.
- Another one.
- Another one, damn. Hold on.
- Yeah.
- There it is.
- Mmm.
So?
It's insane. I can't believe
you got me drinking like this. Shit.
- You're cool. Gimme a second please.
- Okay.
All right. Hey.
I gotta get the fuck outta here.
- You already took a sip, man.
- No. Come on.
Listen, I ain't been this bad in a minute.
I've been... I've been dry for a while.
We gonna keep this shit
between us, all right? All right?
- Besides, I need a wingman.
- You need a wingman?
Yeah, I need a wingman, man.
You can't leave. You gotta stay.
You want me to stay, I'll stay.
But I ain't staying all night.
I ain't doing that.
Not all night. I'll stay for a little bit.
Man.
I love you, man.
- Don't, I love you, man.
- I love you too.
And, and...
I didn't mean to let you down.
I'm sorry about that.
All of it. All of it.
♪ She said are you rich rich?... ♪
Hey, maybe tomorrow
we can talk about the money?
I mean, I can save this restaurant, man.
Listen, I hear what you're saying.
But you... you gotta listen to me too,
though, right?
You ain't let me down.
When you let me down?
I ain't never say you let me down.
You keep saying that.
Love.
But you keep saying you need it.
"I need it."
You don't need it. You want it.
It's a big difference between
what you need and what you want.
Maybe this whole thing that happened
and this shit happened for a reason.
It happened to show you.
You know what I mean?
To... to give you
a different look at this shit.
Mm. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. But we're here
to celebrate you, all right?
- We're celebrating me?
- We celebrate you.
I like that.
Hey, real quick.
I know I'm your wingman,
but answer this question.
Is she cute?
- I think she cute.
- Yeah, she cute, man.
♪ Every time I'm in my trap
I move like Rambo ♪
♪ Ain't a neighborhood in Philly
That I can't go ♪
♪ That's a Fendi
For real ♪
K? K, wake up. Wake up, man.
Wake up.
Wake up. Wake up. Come on. Come on.
Come on, come on, wake up.
What the fuck you doing?
What do you mean, come on?
Get out of my fucking room.
- What the fuck are you doing? What?
- Just come on.
What are you doing, man?
What the fuck are you doing? What?
- What'd you take, K? What'd you take?
- I didn't take shit.
- What did you give her?
- I ain't give nobody nothing.
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- Shit.
What are you... What's the problem?
- What's the fucking problem?
- We got a situation.
- What situation?
- She dead.
She dead, man.
Fuck you mean, she dead?
How you know she's not breathing?
Did you check her?
Carlton, did you fucking check her?
Oxy. The big ones.
I'm calling a fucking ambulance.
- I'm calling an ambulance!
- No.
Let me call a fucking ambulance.
You just said she...
If you call the ambulance,
they'll call the fucking cops.
They'll call the fucking cops.
She got kids, man?
How the fuck
I know if she got kids?
Did she take a picture of us
while we were there?
Did people see her leave with us?
People saw you leave here,
come in the fucking hotel.
Of course they seen.
Listen, I'm telling you, man.
Your next move better be a smart one.
- I gotta get my phone, man.
- What the fuck you doing?
- I gotta get my...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You think this is some fucking DUI
or something like that?
Some of that bullshit
you put up on Twitter?
Dude, you got a body.
I'm fully aware
of the fucking situation, man.
But at least,
if I get my phone, I'll call Todd.
Todd can come. Todd can help us
figure this shit the fuck out, man.
No, no, no. You can't call your counselor
and have this conversation
over the next fucking weeks.
Dude, you got a dead woman
in your fucking bed.
Next to you!
Fuck.
I fucked up.
I fucked up, man.
Shit.
I got this. I'ma take care of this, man.
What do you mean, you got this?
What do you mean?
Do you understand
what the fuck is happening?
Everything I worked hard for, everything
I bust my fucking ass for is over.
It's a wrap, man.
Throw that shit in the trash.
What the fuck I'ma say to Mo?
How am I gonna explain
this shit to Christian?
I need to call someone
that can... that can help us
and... and really help
figure this shit out.
You need to shut the fuck up.
I told you I got this.
What you gonna do, Carlton?
All right.
We gonna tell the cops
that she was with me.
I was the one that brought her here,
you went in your room, we went in my room,
and then, you know, she OD'ed in my room.
You ain't know nothing about it.
See, that way, like, if the cops gotta
arrest somebody, then they arrest me,
and nobody gonna be suspicious
because I already got a jacket,
you know what I mean?
So, yeah.
This way, we keep you out of it.
That's your plan, C?
Yeah.
They not gonna let you own that.
They would never let you own that,
even if the cops fucking believed you.
The press is gonna spin it.
"It's a dead girl in Kid's room."
That's the headline.
That's what it's gonna say on CNN.
- That's what it's gonna say on CNN.
- Okay, all right.
You come up with a better plan, then.
I shoulda just fucking did
what I was supposed to do, man.
And what was that?
Stay fucking sober.
Be truthful, tell you it was time
to be better and do better.
Forget the fucking restaurant,
man, let that shit go.
I dropped the ball on all that.
I saw her, my gut said, "Get out, go."
It said, "Get out of there."
Yo, don't go confuse
your gut with your dick.
Like I said,
you need to come up with a better plan,
if you got one,
'cause if you gonna do this bullshit,
leave me the fuck out of it.
They're not gonna believe your plan, C.
But I agree, I...
I can't tell Todd about this.
There might be another way.
- What does that mean?
- I'ma call somebody I know.
You just... What?
- Whoa, whoa. Hold up.
- You just told me we can't call nobody.
Now you saying let's call somebody?
I'm gonna call
this Greek gangster dude, man.
- He know how to handle this kind of shit.
- I don't know.
- You don't know? You...
- I don't know.
Listen, if you don't trust me,
just say it.
You don't have faith in me, just say it.
I mean, you the fuck
talking about you don't fucking know.
Seven hours ago,
you the biggest motherfucker since Eddie.
Now you're about to be
the most scandalous motherfucker.
Your fans, you think
they go hear about this shit?
They gonna get with this?
You don't need this, man.
K, I'm telling you, you don't need this.
I got this. All right?
Listen to me, you can't fuck this up.
You can't.
Like, you...
you cannot fuck me on this one, man.
Like Mom always told us,
good Lord ain't put
more on us than we can handle.
Come on, man.
So, what's this guy supposed to do?
Look, the less you know, the better.
Just stay cool.
He's gonna call up when he gets here.
I thought you said
he was gonna call.
Uh...
You gotta... You gotta get it, man.
You gotta get the door.
Yo, what's, what's up, Hersch?
I wanted to check in on Kid
before I crash for the night.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, he good, man.
Him and old girl,
they hittin' it off back there.
Yeah, it's all nice.
Look, we're trying
to distance him from that stuff.
Soon-to-be billion-dollar man and all.
Look, uh...
I got a little late-night snack here
I'm trying to...
Trying to finish up right now,
you know what I'm saying?
Alright, man, but he needs to be
up and out by 8:00.
- Yeah. Eight o'clock.
- He got a screening to go to.
Okay. Screening to go to.
Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Good. Yeah.
Tell Todd that everything's cool.
He and old girl hit it off.
He down for the night.
- All right. Cool. Bye.
- Okay, yeah, bye. See you now.
- It's eight o'clock
- Uh-huh. Eight o'clock.
Suck ass. Scared me to fucking death.
- Yo, what's this thing about a screening?
- Goddamn. Boys and Girls Club, man.
They're screening Anti-verse today.
Yeah.
Yo.
You're here?
Okay, yeah, 1437.
Solid.
Okay, he's here.
All right, all right,
so now the party's started.
What's up, Carlton?
Yo, anybody see you?
Yeah, but they don't know
what I'm doing here, so fuck 'em.
You know, all the time, you were
telling me that he was your brother.
I thought it was a lie,
I didn't believe you,
but now I get to meet him
because he killed somebody.
He's got a weird sense of humor.
K, this is Ari.
Ari, this is K, my brother.
- Hey, Carlton's brother.
- I didn't kill nobody.
He didn't... He didn't kill anybody?
So where's Sleeping Beauty?
- Bedroom.
- Yeah, of course.
- Accident or some tabloid shit?
- Accident.
Yeah, well,
that's what they all say. Hmm?
Until they clear charges
or write their memoirs or shit.
Celebrities! They're funny, right?
You know, your jokes are fucked up.
Hello? Honey, I'm home.
He's got a fucked-up sense of humor,
but he's right and exact. He's a pro.
Is he a pro or is he somebody
that wants to be a fucking comedian?
What was that? Is this a joke to him?
She is dead. About as dead as dead can be.
So here's what we're gonna do.
We are going to order
room service, okay. For two people.
We're gonna order two steaks,
two eggs, some juice.
Hash browns,
you like hash browns? A little bacon.
Tea and coffee.
And a cheeseburger. Okay?
Then I want you to go
to 20th and Commerce.
You will find a beige Chrysler 300.
I want you to drive that thing in
to the Cuthbert Street service entrance.
You're gonna park it facing west,
20 feet from two double yellow doors.
Most importantly, listen to me,
you're gonna reverse in from 19th Street.
Why? Because the Chase Bank has cameras.
I cannot look at that face!
- That is... Oh. Anyway, you got it?
- Got it.
Yeah?
C, you got it?
Yeah, he's got it. Kid, are you religious?
- What?
- God. Do you believe in God?
- Well...
- Doesn't matter.
You don't have to believe in God
to believe in angels.
Think of me as an angel
who has come to you
in your darkest hour of need
to guide you through it.
Before I fade from memory.
It's nice, right?
No.
Not when you put it like that,
it's not nice at all.
All right, well, it will be nice
when we pull it off.
Okay, okay, I ordered.
Kid, you gotta keep
your shit together, okay?
Can't have that look on your face
when room service comes.
What face?
That look like,
"a girl just died in my room"
after you had sex with her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ari. Ari. K is out of this.
- Mm-hmm.
- I got this.
Hmm? You get the cart and the car.
I'm gonna get started in there.
What are you about to do in there?
Uh, well, she's gonna need
a little help getting in that cart.
Right? It's not very pretty,
but you're welcome to watch
if that's what gets your dick hard.
- What the fuck...? Is he playing?
- Stop. Stop.
- Is he playing?
- Go to my room.
- Is this a game?
- No. Go to my room.
This is my fucking life.
- Okay. Let's go.
- What's he talking about my dick for?
- Come on. Go in the room.
- C, this ain't playing games, man.
Okay. Just chill. It'll be over soon.
How the fuck
did I get myself into this, man?
♪ I want you to be near ♪
You go up, I go down.
You go, "near." I go, "near."
Wrote that while you were sleeping.
- Where is she?
- She's gone.
What did you expect?
That came as well.
So, when Carlton gets here... Check it out.
You gotta eat it,
or flush half of it, doesn't matter.
It's gotta look
like it's eaten, all right?
And the...
I couldn't get fresh sheets because
that would mean we call housekeeping.
So the dirty sheets
that are on the floor in there,
I want you to grab them
and put them in the tub
and run hot water over
and use those little bottles of shampoo.
Dump the whole thing on there,
get her scent and her hair out,
make sure the drain is open, of course.
And, uh... Are you getting this?
You want me to write it down for you?
I'm kidding, right?
Write it down. It's a fucking felony.
Why would you write it... down?
But what you should do
is, uh, answer this question.
If someone says,
"Have you seen this girl?"
You say, "I don't know
who the fuck you're talking about."
And don't pretend like this is your first
groupie whose name you don't remember.
It's probably why
you're getting divorced, right?
Don't give me that face.
Come on, man, it was in the papers.
There is... one rule you gotta remember.
And that is: no body, no crime.
Listen. Girls like this,
they disappear all the time,
and no one comes looking.
So, we good?
All right, let's talk about my fee.
Carlton said that you were gonna, um...
- That you was gonna hook him up.
- Would you do a set at my house for free?
All right, then, how much does...
How much does something like this cost?
Are we talking $50,000?
Fifty thousand dollars? Um...
Come on, man, you're rich.
You made, what? 68 million
doing concerts, appearances, movies.
That was just this year.
So, no, I don't think 50 is gonna cut it.
So how much?
I'm thinking 500,000.
A month.
For a year.
Five...
Five hundred thousand dollars a month.
For a year.
So you're talking about a total of...
Six million dollars. Yeah.
What? That's too much?
Come on, you made that
from that Meryl Streep movie.
Were you cool being her, uh, butler?
- I'd be her butler for six million.
- Hey, you and Carlton friends?
Friends don't mean you get a freebie.
- So, six million?
- That's right.
Come on.
Considering all you've given Carlton.
I'm worth way more, dollar for dollar.
Which is why you will pay me.
First installment is due Monday.
Number's on the card.
And if I don't hear from you by 7:00 a.m.,
then that story that runs on TMZ...
that is going to be one
they will never forget.
If you think I'm gonna go to the cops,
don't worry about that.
Because what I'm gonna do to you if you
don't pay will be a hell of a lot worse.
Come on now, eat up.
Everything's taken care of.
We're good.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Everything will be okay?
Yeah.
He asked me for six million dollars, C.
Six, what?
No, nah he wouldn't do that, man.
He did it while you were fucking gone.
He asked me for six million dollars, C.
This motherfucker!
Hey, look, hey... Look K, man.
I knew he was gonna cost you,
I ain't know it was gonna be all that.
Let me just talk to him.
I know this motherfucker. I'll...
I'll work it out.
I got this. I got this. Okay?
Why is it that
every time you tell me you got it,
I feel like I get in more trouble?
- You notice that?
- Trust me, bro.
Whenever you say you got it,
you never have it.
And I asked you, C. I asked you.
I said, "Don't fuck me on this one."
That's what I said to you.
Now, I look up and I'm getting fucked.
I'm getting fucked.
Why can't you do anything right?
What's your record, 0 for a 100?
As a matter of fact, I know because
I got people in LA keeping score,
and they're keeping score with dollars.
With fucking dollars.
Because that's what I spend on your ass.
- Yo, careful, man.
- Careful? Careful for what?
If Friday the 13th were a person,
it would be you.
I'm your fucking younger brother.
I've been
taking care of you my whole life.
Un-fucking-real. All I've done for you,
and this is how you repay me?
Man, fuck you with that bullshit.
- Me going pro went south because of you.
- Stop with the going pro!
Shut up, man! You didn't go pro
because you got caught on a corner.
Oh, okay.
You're not the only person who got caught
and had a chance to rebuild their life.
Jay-Z did.
Biggie did it. They somehow went up.
But what did my brother do?
Well, he does what he always does.
My brother somehow found a way to lose.
Because that's what you do,
you fucking lose.
This fucking loser act
that you've perfected over the years,
guess what, it finally rubbed off.
I'm right there with you, but now I got
a lot more to lose than just my career.
A whole lot more.
Your bitch-ass is all bold
now that the body gone?
"Bitch-ass" now.
Look, if you think I fucked up, then,
you can go ahead and deal with Ari
any way you choose.
But just remember this...
This time,
you ain't paying for my fuck-up.
This one is all yours.
Bruh.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Hey. What up, Terry? Can you hear me?
- Kid, is that you?
Yeah, it's me.
What time is it? Are you okay?
Um...
Yeah, I'm good, it's, uh... You know.
It's a little late, but I'm straight.
Dude, I'm thinking...
I think it's time that I, um...
I start doing more
for my family, man, right?
Like, mainly... mainly Carlton.
You didn't talk to him, did you?
No, we talked.
We had a long talk, actually.
Um...
You know,
maybe we should get Todd up. Huh?
- No. Don't do that, Terry.
- What?
Don't fucking do that, man.
- I didn't call Todd, I called you.
- No, I know.
Now, what I want you to do is listen.
Okay.
For a change, just listen.
Okay.
I, um...
I just want to set Carlton up
one last time.
Okay, all right. How much? When?
I feel like if I'm gonna do it,
I just wanna do it right, so...
you know, I wanna give him like...
I wanna give him, like, 500.
500K at the top of every month.
For the next year.
Kid, do you need me to send
the police to your room right now?
- I mean, just gimme a sign. Is he there?
- No, Terry. What did I ask you to do?
- I know, but...
- What did I ask you to do?
- Yeah, but...
- I said, for once, do your fucking job.
- I understand.
- What I asked you to set my brother up.
That means, in the morning,
call the fucking bank,
tell the bank what I need.
Transfer the money
so it goes to Carlton's account,
and then... and then, moving forward,
do the same thing at the top of the month
so it goes down for the...
Okay. Kid, you just can't give
somebody that kind of money.
You can't.
You have to report
something like this, declare it.
What are you talking about?
When...? Since when?
I didn't... Name another time
when I've had to do it.
It's the law. We get audited
every year for every dime you spend.
Kid, I've been doing this a long time.
You give someone that kind of money,
it doesn't buy you what you think.
It's a green light,
and they keep coming back for more.
That kind of money,
it's not one last time.
- I hear you.
- Okay.
- I just need to think, I need to, um...
- Okay.
I need to think about,
you know, the whole thing.
- So just hold off.
- Yeah, take your time.
- Just hold off. Don't do shit.
- Okay.
- Till I tell you to do it.
- Okay. You got it.
My advice is to reopen the restaurant,
you run the money through there,
and, boom, you declare it.
Celebrities, they always go stupid with
their money in restaurants, it's simple.
So, how are we gonna play it?
I'll get you the money.
I mean, but if you want me
to give you six mil,
you gotta do better
than telling me it's all good.
How may I ease your mind?
Well, how do I know
it's not coming back on me?
How do I know you haven't talked
to the world? Who else knows you're here?
Who knows about this, knows about me?
- I have none of these answers.
- Nobody.
Except your brother.
- You're just gonna have to trust me.
- No.
No, that's not gonna fucking fly, man.
You gotta do a much better job
of selling me than that, Ari.
Okay, you gotta put my mind at ease.
If you don't wanna put my mind
at ease, then maybe I keep the money.
I'll take my chances with the cops.
Me and you may end up
sharing a cell, for all I know.
Okay, maybe we do.
I'm sorry, man.
You're just not a very good actor.
But I'll play with you, Hollywood.
All right? I'll play. How's this?
In my line of work, someone finds out
I got my hooks into something fat,
they want a piece of that action.
And I don't want that.
When you find gold, you don't tell
everyone where it's buried, right?
You keep it all to yourself.
And you, my friend,
I am going to keep all to myself.
What about fucking Daphne?
How are you so certain that the cops
won't find her body on their own?
Because it's someplace safe
where nobody will find it.
How do I know that in a month
you don't go and jack the price up on me?
The minute I cash the first check,
I am your partner.
- I share the same risk.
- You're my partner?
Okay, so I guess that means
I gotta trust you, right?
We're gonna do the, um...
we're gonna do the restaurant thing.
Good.
I'll put it in you and Carlton's name.
Y'all take it from there.
After that, I don't wanna talk to you
no more. I don't wanna see your face.
I don't wanna be associated
with you anymore.
I don't know if I can do that, I mean,
I kinda thought maybe
I'd be an... and actor,
and maybe you could give me
a role in one of your movies.
You just think
you can shit on me, don't you?
You can shit all over me because
I need your fucking help,
is that what you think?
Kid, just take a fucking shower.
Have a good shit. Stop waking up
with dead girls in your bed,
and this will go away.
You won't have to do this again.
Can we get on with it?
How'd you get the body out of here?
It's a hotel, there's cameras everywhere,
how'd you do it?
I had to break some bones.
Then I folded her up, into a little ball,
and I stuffed her into the cart.
We rolled that cart
to the service elevator.
Fourth floor cameras are out,
so we went to the fourth floor and then...
the trash chute's on the fourth floor,
it leads down
to the Cuthbert Street Dumpster.
You see, I used to have a contract
with this place, this hotel. So...
And then I wrapped her in a tarp,
and your brother and I,
we put her in the trunk of a car,
and we went away.
Okay.
But I got a question for you now.
How does it feel to be so rich?
You're unreal, man.
It's complicated.
Well, I've got time.
Bet you fucking do.
Everything I got, I earned. That's all me.
I never had my hand out,
I never took something that wasn't mine.
I never hurt anybody.
I took a lot of people with me.
A whole lot of fucking people.
And all those people rely on me now.
And now you rely on me.
Being rich ain't that simple, Ari.
Just like you
getting that dead body out of here,
it's a lot of twists and turns.
See, the funny thing about making money,
the more you make, the more you realize
the money is secondary
to the decisions you make.
Sorry. You really believe
that shit, right? Like...
No, I'm asking because I saw you on TV,
you were doing all that motivational shit.
And I thought it was
just a bunch of crap, a gimmick,
but you're standing here telling me,
and you actually believe it.
- I do.
- All right.
When people run up on me and talk shit
and think they can get away with it,
well, that's why that pisses me off.
It annoys me.
It annoys the fuck out of me.
Because of what I believe, well...
That's the reason
these same people can't take advantage.
Will you just write the fucking check?
I heard you.
Write the fucking check.
It's so easy to take too. Right?
Everybody can just fucking take from me.
- Why not? It's so fucking easy for me too.
- Uh-huh.
'Cause everybody else assumes
that it's easy,
but the difference between you
and everybody else is that you...
you made a mistake.
You told me how to get
the fucking body out!
You fucker!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you! Huh?
You wanna fucking take from me?
Huh?
You wanna fucking take from me?
Huh?
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Get the fuck off me.
What's up? What you doing up?
It's 2:00 a.m. there.
Patrick spent the night,
and we watched a scary movie.
You're not supposed to watch scary movies.
I know, but I did.
Patrick's asleep, and now I'm afraid.
You ain't gotta be afraid, man.
I told you that. Plus, the monsters, they...
The monsters only come after
the people that they know are scared.
Are you having fun?
No.
No, man, I'm not having fun.
Why don't you go to bed, okay?
I'll call you in the morning.
Okay. Well, I love you.
I miss you.
- I miss you too.
- Mm...
Go to bed, Dad.
What the fuck did you do?
I decided that I didn't wanna pay
six million dollars.
♪ I ain't a killer, but don't push me ♪
♪ Revenge is like the sweetest joy
Next to gettin' pussy ♪
♪ Picture paragraphs unloaded
Wise words bein' quoted ♪
♪ Peeped the weakness in the rap game
And sewed it ♪
♪ Bow down ♪
♪ Come with me
Hail Mary, nigga, run quick, see ♪
♪ What do we have here now?
Do you wanna ride or die? ♪
♪ La la-da-la la la la la ♪
♪ Come with me
Hail Mary, nigga, run quick, see ♪
♪ What do we have here now?
Do you wanna ride or die? ♪
♪ La la-da-la la la la la ♪
♪ Penitentiaries is packed
With promise-makers ♪
♪ Never realized the precious time
That bitch niggas is wastin' ♪
♪ Institutionalized, I live my life
A product made to crumble ♪
♪ But too hardened for a smile
We're too crazy to be humble ♪
♪ We ballin', catch me, Father, please
‘Cause I'm fallin' in the liquor store ♪
♪ Pass the Hennessy ♪
♪ I hear you callin'
Can I get some more? ♪
♪ Hell, 'til I reach Hell
I ain't scared ♪
♪ Mama checkin' in my bedroom
I ain't there ♪
♪ I got a head with no screws in it
What can I do? ♪
♪ One life to live
But I got nothin' to lose ♪
♪ Just me and you ♪
♪ On a one-way trip to prison
Sellin' drugs ♪
♪ We all wrapped up in this livin'
Life as thugs ♪
♪ To my homeboys in Clinton Max
Doin' their bid ♪
♪ Raise hell to this real shit
And feel this ♪
♪ When they turn out the lights
I'll be there in the dark ♪
♪ Thuggin' eternal through my heart
Now hail Mary, nigga! ♪
♪ Come with me
Hail Mary, nigga, run quick, see ♪
♪ What do we have here now?
Do you wanna ride or die? ♪
♪ La la-da-la la la la la ♪
♪ Come with me
Hail Mary, nigga, run quick, see ♪
♪ What do we have here now?
Do you wanna ride or die? ♪