True Lies (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
Hi, babe.
Hey, sweetie, listen.
I'm sorry, but I
got some bad news.
The conference is running long.
Seriously?
I was making your favorite
casserole for dinner.
The kids are going to be bummed.
I know, I know, and I'm sorry,
but it's a sales banquet.
And you know Luther, he thinks
no one's going to
buy a computer server
unless you eat a rubber
chicken breast with them.
It's okay,
I have a million
linguistics finals to grade.
But I was really looking
forward to seeing you.
No, I know, honey, but
it's-it's a big project.
If I get this commission, we
can get the dishwasher fixed.
Okay.
Well, have fun in Cleveland.
Who doesn't have
fun in Cleveland?
Look, I got to go. The
banquet's about to start.
Please don't be mad.
I'm not mad.
Try to enjoy your
sales banquet chicken.
I will. I love you.
Kisses. More kisses.
Do you need a hug?
Aw, "Kisses.
Please don't be mad
at me"? Seriously?
Let's put a hold on
the toxic masculinity.
We're behind schedule.
I love my wife.
Give me a break.
Okay, mission review.
You go in, kidnap
the weapons dealer,
and get him out.
Ambulance arrives in
exactly 22 minutes.
Any questions?
If we're
unclear on the mission
at this point, Gib, I'm
pretty sure we're dead.
Aw.
We're in
place. Initiate.
Luther, buddy, you're up.
Man, I
love this thing.
It slices, it dices,
it cuts through
carbon steel bars,
and it's still sharp enough
to slice through a tomato.
Boys and their toys.
My next op, I need a smaller gun
or a bigger suit.
Uh, you're grabbing
one of the biggest
weapons dealers
in the hemisphere.
It's not supposed to be easy.
Easy for
you to say, Gib.
You don't have to carry
a 200-pound bad guy
halfway across the Caribbean.
Aw. Field agents
get all the glory
and all the lower back pain.
Maybe you'll remember
that the next time
you make fun of me for
sitting in a van all day.
Have all you want.
Your dad's not going to
make it to dinner, so...
What, he's not?
Yeah, I thought he was
supposed to be home tonight.
Uh, I guess he got stuck
at a sales conference
in Cleveland.
Poor Dad.
Seriously, when is he
not stuck at a sales conference?
I know it happens a lot, but
you know what your dad says.
"Computers don't
sell themselves."
Yeah, but he should
still have a life.
I mean, it's not like
he's saving the world.
Can't he just tell them no?
I wish.
Oh, boy.
This is not good.
Trilby didn't tell us
who's on the guest list.
It's a who's who
of global bad guys.
Gib, why didn't we
get a full report
on what we're walking into?
This is a nightmare.
Talk to the boss,
man. I just work here.
- What's your approach?
- The catering van
with the grill at the
backside of the house.
All right, let's roll.
♪ Ya-hee, icky thump,
who'd have thunk? ♪
♪ Sitting drunk on
a wagon to Mexico ♪
♪ Ah, well, what a
chump, and my head ♪
♪ Got a bump when I
hit it on the radio ♪
♪ Redhead se orita
looking dead ♪
♪ Came and said, "I
need a bed" en espa ol ♪
Okay, guys, once you
clear the catering area,
you're gonna want to scale
the second balcony on your...
left. On your left.
Rand's office is on the far east
end of the home.
Remember,
once you get inside,
any sound over a
normal speaking voice
will set off the alarm.
So, when you grab him,
no yelling, no shooting.
Harry, keep it quiet.
Excuse me?
What are you doing in here?
I was getting bored downstairs.
Just looking for some fun.
♪ Icky thump, with a
lump in my throat ♪
♪ Grabbed my coat, and I was
freaking, I was ready to go ♪
♪ And I swear beside the
hair, she had one white eye ♪
♪ One blank stare,
looking up, lying there ♪
♪ On the stand near her
hand was a candy cane ♪
♪ Black rum, sugar cane,
dry ice, something strange ♪
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...
[thump]
Harry, what was that?
I told you, nothing over
a normal speaking voice.
It's fine,
won't happen again.
M-Make sure it doesn't.
We're about one wet fart
away from dead, okay?
Now, get in your uniforms,
get that stretcher set up,
and kill the security
system. We got to move.
Luther, you're gonna
find the keypad
for the security system
behind the painting
on the west wall.
Get that thing decoded
and shut it down.
Also, Harry,
Helen just texted
to remind you about
her work barbecue.
"I didn't
forget. I'm all over it."
Heart emoji.
Kissy heart emoji.
Send pic three.
Pic four is way cuter.
Pic three.
What a goofball.
Mr. Rand?
Are you all right?
Guys, what's going on?
Psst.
Harry.
What's happening?
Luther? He's having
a pillow fight
with this guy in
front of my face.
There's nothing I can do.
Maria.
Guys, you're peaking out here.
It's fine,
Harry's got it under control.
Go, go, go. Get out of there.
New plan.
Corner of the house,
the catering van with the grill.
Go. Go.Get out. Get out.
Dana.Mom.
Can you knock next time, please?
I'm just checking
on your homework.
I already did it.
I was just looking
at my snow globes.
Okay.
All right.
Love you. I love you.
Good night.
No, no, no, no. Maria,
you've got to drive faster.
I got three guards on
motorcycles coming in hot.
It's a catering van.
It can't go faster.
Harry, can
you take them out?
I'm trying.
I got a giant grill full
of T-bones in the way.
No, no, no, no, no.
Harry, they're gaining on you.
Yeah, Gib, I see
that. I can't get a shot.
I got an idea.
The laser cutter, give it to me.
Hey, sweetie.
Hey. I'm about to go to bed.
Just playing a video game.
Okay, nothing too
violent, I hope.
I know. No violence.
Oh, shame to waste
all those T-bones.
All right, everybody,
let's go home.
Okay, cover story review.
Where'd you stay?
Cleveland Ramada, room 713.
How'd you get the
bruise on your arm?
Luther's bag fell out of
the overhead compartment
on the plane.
Good, good.
Your plane was United 238.
Breakfast was a Denver omelet.
Here are your presents.
Where'd you get them?
Airport gift shop
next to the Starbucks
where I got my muffin.
Receipts are in my wallet.
I got it, okay?
Hey, don't get mad at me.
I don't need a cover
story. You're the genius
who decided to get
married and have a family.
Yeah, well...
what's the point
of saving the world
if you're not doing it
for the people you love?
That's really touching, Harry.
Maybe if the spy thing
doesn't work out,
you could write greeting cards.
I know a guy.
I'll see you later.
Good luck.
Jakey, isn't this your textbook?
Yeah, I was looking
for that. Thanks.
Okay. Dana. No breakfast?
I had a protein bar.
That's not
breakfast. I made eggs.
Eggs are cruel, mom.
I watched this video, and
these chickens were just...
Hey, everyone.
Hey, Dad.
Hi, welcome home, honey.Hi.
Uh, I'm sorry I can't stay,
I've got to bring
the kids to school,
and I have yoga.
Okay, no problem,
but before you go, I
come bearing gifts.
Jake, Cleveland Browns cap.
Huh, buddy? Awesome.
Dana,
this is a very special
Cleveland snow globe.
It's from the James Garfield
monument gift shop.
This is so great.
Thank you, Dad.
I don't have this one
yet. It's awesome.
He was assassinated, never
got to finish his term.
And for my lovely wife...
Another travel book.
Yeah. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
There's a shopping list
on the counter for the barbecue,
and love you. Okay, bye.
Come on, let's go. Everybody.
Bye, Dad. Thanks
again for the snow globe.
Yeah, Dad.
See you later.
It's so sweet of Dad to
bring us presents all the time,
but this has to be the most
boring object in the universe.
Weren't you playing with
your snow globes last night?
Yeah, but I'm into
other stuff, too.
Sometimes it's like he
doesn't even know me.
Seriously.
It's cool that he thinks of us.
I don't even wear baseball caps.
Yeah, 'cause you
like to show off
your cute little
haircut we got you.
All right,
have fun at school.
Learn all the... I love...
I love you both.
A hundred places
we'll never see,
a hundred things we'll never do.
♪ Beat on the brat,
beat on the brat ♪
♪ With a baseball
bat, oh, yeah ♪
Whoo!
♪ Oh, yeah, oh-oh
♪ Beat on the brat,
beat on the brat ♪
That is insane.
How do they do that
with their legs?
It's not that hard,
you just have to
breathe into it.
Okay, is something wrong?
No, I'm good. I'm fine.
Tell me.
Do you promise not
to say anything?
On the way here, I drove
a hundred miles an hour.
What? Yeah.
Maybe more. I don't know.
Are you insane? Yeah.
I don't know, I
think maybe I am.
I think I was just
trying to feel,
like, a little bit of excitement
because I look at my life,
and it's the kids, and class
and a peck on the
cheek from Harry, so...
Okay.
This is about Harry.
Hmm, I don't know.
I love Harry.
He's an amazing husband,
he's a great father...
But you're not satisfied?
It wasn't always like this.
In the beginning,
He is still this
amazing, sexy man,
but sometimes he
can be a little...
I feel a little bad saying
this: He can be boring.
He's a computer salesman whose
idea of fun and adventure
is ordering coffee from Hawaii.
Oh.
I want to hold his hand,
and I want to look
into his eyes,
and I want to feel...
passion.
All right, listen.
You say he's gone a lot.
Tell me this.
Is he canceling plans
a lot, last minute?
Take phone calls and
texts in the other room?
When he does that, it's
mostly just for work stuff.
Helen, I know you don't
want to hear this,
but you might not be
the only one keeping
a secret here.
Hey, Tony.
Good morning, Donna.
Hey, how was the
sales conference?
Pretty good, pretty good.
We might make our June
sales numbers after all.
Please identify.
Access granted. Welcome
to Omega Sector.
Trilby, you want to tell me
what the hell is going on?
What? You had a
successful mission.
We're questioning
Rand right now...
What arms dealer gets
every major rogue state
and terror group to come to
him for an event like that?
All right. Sit.
And try to remember
you're talking to your boss.
Take a look at this.
Iraq, last May.
This is a military base
on the Turkish border.
It was attacked using
some kind of device.
All the defenses, the
concrete, the steel,
crumbled in seconds.
That event last night?
Everyone there was shopping
for one of their very own.
Where'd it come from?
We don't know.
We hoped Rand would know,
but it looks like he's
just a well-paid middleman.
Are those things
still out there?
I wish I could say no, Harry,
but there's one we
can't account for yet.
Stay ready.
We'll get in touch when
we know our next move.
You do that, and next time,
tell me what I'm walking in to.
Jake, where's the
barbecue sauce?
It's behind the cereal.
What's it doing
behind the cereal?
I like it on my sandwiches.
Buddy, you can't
hoard barbecue sauce.
I was looking for this.
Okay, Dad,
I don't get this.
Why do we have to have
a barbecue anyway?
Because we're a family and
we're supporting your mother.
And if you really want to
go to the beach tomorrow
with Riley, you'll
stop complaining.
Don't forget
to talk to Lawrence.
My department chair?
Right, yes. We
talked about this.
Okay. I got it.
You'll be fine. Lawrence, yup.
I'm on it.
You know, they
say the more you flip it,
it dries it out.
Is that what they say? Uh-huh.
I'll keep that in mind.
So you're the head of
the department, I hear?
Yes.
Oop, a little flare-up there.
So, uh, Helen tells me
you work in computers?
Yes. Sales to mid-sized
insurance companies.
We specialize...
Sometimes I wish I was
in something like sales.
Get away from all the
constant pressure...
Harry? Look who's here.
Hey! Uh, hey!
I guess I caught
you in the middle of
some kind of party or something?
Yeah, just an event
for my work colleagues.
Sorry to drop in on you.
Just got a quick office
update for the big guy.
There's cheese, Gib.
Go have some cheese.
Mmm. I'm sorry.
Uh, we'll just be a second.
We'll get you another
refreshment, Lawrence.
Don't mind if I do.
All right.
What are you doing here?
You wouldn't answer the phone,
so Trilby sent me over.
Our worst fears have come true.
That missing weapon
everybody was worried about?
Well, it turns out Rand
sold one of those weapons
before we picked him up.
We head to Paris
tomorrow to intercept it.
Tomorrow?
Mmm. Is that gouda?
She has to send us?
We're the only ones
that are authorized.
Plus, we are the best.
Two missions in four days?
Gib, I have a cover ID
I need to maintain here.
Mm, technically, it's just
part two of one mission,
and it's a good thing your
cover ID isn't barbecue master,
'cause your grill
game's weak, bro.
We all good here? GIB: Yes.
Yes, yes. Just
finishing up the update,
uh, on the sales trip tomorrow.
Yeah. There's
a sales trip tomorrow?
Sure is. Third biggest
insurance carrier in the region.
The spread is awesome.
Thank you.
Can I talk to you
for a second, Harry?
Yeah, but the chicken...
Leave the chicken.
Another work trip?
Really? Tomorrow?
I know, honey, I am so sorry.
It just came up last minute.
Gib just told me... Yes, and
Gib, that's another thing.
He's eating all of
my hors d'oeuvres
that I got for my work party.
Harry, sometimes I don't think
that you're focused on
your family anymore.
What are you talking about?
I'm making chicken for your
work barbecue as we speak.
I'm not talking
about chicken, Harry.
I'm talking about us.
What's wrong with us?
I didn't want to
have to say this,
but Cherry showed me
a checklist online.
Cherry? Mm-hmm.
"Ten Signs Your Husband
is Having an Affair."
Oh... Late-night texts,
secret phone calls,
emotionally distant,
and seven other things
that I don't remember,
but the point is you've checked
every single one of the
boxes, Harry. Helen,
an affair? How can
you even think that?
What other explanation
could there be?
Explanation? I'm working.
I showed you the
pictures from Cleveland.
I don't need to see pictures
from Cleveland, Harry.
I'm saying that our
marriage is in crisis.
Helen, I swear to you
that it's not what you think.
Well, what is it?
I was planning something,
and I wanted it
to be a surprise.
Oh, I wanted it
to be a surprise.
That's why Gib is here.
He was helping me plan.
What, what's he
helping you plan?
We're going to Paris tomorrow.
What? Yes.
Oh, is that why you
got me the travel book?
Yes.
Surprise.
Huh?
Dude, this is a joke, right?
You invited your
wife on a mission?
No, I didn't invite
her on a mission,
I invited her on a vacation.
Helen thought I was
having an affair.
I had to tell her something.
So you say you got a secret
fantasy football league.
You don't bring your wife...
There's a reason that
they don't even let us
date people without
Omega clearance.
They made an exception for
you because Harry's the best,
but you can't just...
You think I wanted this?
Helen said our
marriage was in crisis.
I thought I had this whole
husband thing handled,
and all of a sudden she thinks
I don't love her anymore?
So get a marriage counselor.
Listen, we can have
an agent in place
tomorrow that can convince
Helen that this whole thing
is in her head,
she's going cra...
Whatever. Just cancel
the Paris thing...
I can't. I already invited her.
Fine, I'll talk to her, then.
I told her you were
helping me plan it.
You...
Plus, she's mad at you
'cause you ate
all of our cheese.
This is the woman I love, Gib.
She's coming. That's it.
All right.
But for the record,
this is a bad idea.
And also for the record,
a lot of people
were eating cheese.
Okay?
Wow, honey, that's
so impressive.
You sound so French.
I teach
languages, Harry.
It's my thing.
So, how does it feel to finally
have a stamp in your passport?
Uh, you know, it's
fun. Something new.
Welcome to the Grand
Hotel Champs-E lys es.
Help with your bags?
I'm sorry, sir.
What language was that?
Malagasy, from Madagascar.
- A
- former French colony.
Malagasy. Now you're
just showing off.
Maybe just a little.
Harry, this place is amazing.
The bathtub is the size
of a swimming pool.
This is really sweet.
Thank you. You're welcome.
I'll be right back, I got to
go pick up the opera tickets.
You didn't tell me we
were going to the opera.
I know, I'm full of surprises.
Relax, enjoy this.
Take a bath.
I'll be back to pick
you up for dinner.
Okay, love you. Love you.
What's our status?
Oh, our status
is time is tight
because you couldn't
stay at the Ramada.
Look, a courier's
delivering the weapon
to an office building downtown.
But he has to meet
the buyer alone, okay?
That's our window.
We get in, we take out the guy,
we snatch the weapon.
We have one hour.
Let's make it in 45 minutes.
I got to buy flowers
on the way back.
Wearing that to the op?
What? What is wrong
with what I'm wearing?
Nothing. If you're happy...
Well, you can't
just say... Oh.
Uh-huh. You're trying
to mess with my head.
Trying? Looks like
I'm succeeding.
You're not gonna get in there.
My head is fine, and
so are my clothes.
Thank you. We got to
toughen you up, dude.
Courier approaching.
He has the weapon.
Courier is entering
the elevator now.
Copy that. In place.
Carrying courier on
the roof of the elevator.
Tell the interrogation
guys they can pick him up any time.
Weapon secured,
mission accomplished.
Nice work. Go get
your flowers, Harry.
Yes,
madam, no problem.
At what time would
you like to reserve?
Okay, so for tonight,
we want 8:30, and then
for tomorrownight...
Uh, monsieur? Monsieur?
I can help you here.
Thank you.
Ah. I need a dinner
reservation for 6:00 p.m.,
someplace romantic.
And two tickets to the opera.
Can you do that?
Of course, of course.
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
Ah, I can recommend
Bistro Adeline.
Yeah. Excellent,
tr s romantique.
And, uh, which opera?
Oh, uh, I don't
know. Any opera.
Of course. Of
course, monsieur...
Tasker, Harry Tasker. Room 515.
Merci, monsieur
Tasker. Thank you.
Thank you. Or merci.Oh.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Helen, I want to apologize.
For everything.
I've been a terrible husband...
No. No, Harry, you haven't
been a terrible husband.
I-I, you know,
I just miss how...
we used to be.
You remember when we first met?
Of course, every minute.
Well, you remember how
we stayed up all night
at that bar near Puerta del Sol?
Puerta del Sol.
Talking about
dreams and adventures.
It's just...
where did that Harry Tasker go?
He's still here, I'm still
the same Harry Tasker.
I love Madrid,
but I wanted to do
something more stable
for you and the kids.
And you have to admit,
Telonyx has been amazing to us.
The 401, the
medical flex account...
I married you,
Harry, I didn't marry
America's number three
supplier of computer systems
to the insurance industry.
Well, number two.
The number two. I'm just saying,
maybe...
there's more to life than just,
You
know, car payments
and getting the kids
to school on time
and re-seeding our
lawn, you know?
Don't you ever
want passion?
Or just...
adventure?
Harry?
Am I boring you?
Helen, we need to
get out of here now.
Unbelievable.
The second I talk about
something a little more serious
than an electric bill,
you completely check out.
Helen. What?
There are men here.
They're coming for us.
Oh, okay. Are they single?
Can they talk about
their emotions?
Is this a joke?
Honey, if that's a joke,
it doesn't work.
I have a lot of...
Harry, what's going on?
Oh, Harry,
no, no, no, no!
Harry, what is
going on?
Where did you learn
to fight like that?
Remember the tae kwon do
class I took with Dana?
You learned all that
from getting a yellow
belt at a strip mall?
How do you know
how to shoot guns?
I don't know, I just
pull the trigger thing.
What about you, when did you
learn to fight like that?
I learned everything
from an exercise video.
Why are you punching
in an exercise video?
It relieves stress.
Don't move.
What do we do now?
We move slowly.
The distress signal from
Harry's watch is still live.
I've pulled together
the van, the driver,
but trying to get a fix
on his position is...
Gib, what happened?
You remember Harry's little
errand to get flowers?
Mm-hmm. Well, he got followed.
Guy snuck into the hotel,
disguised himself
as a concierge,
got Harry's plans, got
a whole team in place.
Well, they
captured them both,
so they wanted them alive.
Well, that's worse.
I just-I just mean that if
they want Harry to talk,
now they've got his wife,
and that's leverage.
Can you guys
please focus?
We've got to save
Harry and Helen.
Bunch of street
workers out back.
It's kind of weird.
They just fixed that street.
All right, listen.
I have to go meet up
with Riley in an hour.
My boyfriend's
going to come over
to help out with the
beer, and then...
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I didn't know you had
a boyfriend. And beer?
Where do you have beer?
Behind my snow globes.
All right? At least
the stupid things
are good for
something.
Hey, Mrs. Myers.
Hi. I'm just checking in,
thought I'd fix you
two some dinner.
No, we...
We were gonna order pizza,
so we're-we're good.
Don't be silly.
Your father wanted you to
have a home-cooked meal.
I brought lasagna.
Helen, please,
don't say anything.
Harry, I know
that you're scared,
but I've read about this, okay?
We have to engage with them.
We have to humanize ourselves...
What? so I'll give a name,
find a common
interest. It's very...
Excuse me, sir.
There's been a mistake.
My husband Harry is
a computer salesman,
and my name is Helen,
and I teach at a junior college.
What are you doing? A funny
thing about me, I love...
Honey, let me handle it.
Harry, you're very
good with computers,
and, apparently, tae kwon do...
Helen. Helen, I'm in sales.
Negotiating is what I do.
Honey, okay, but...
Monsieur Tasker.
You know him?
Yeah, he's the hotel concierge.
Too bad you won't
make the opera.
They were excellent seats.
What do you want?
You know exactly what I want.
And your friends at Omega Sector
are going to give it to me.
What are you talking about?
No!
Harry...
Where's the weapon?
What weapon?
This is crazy.
I don't know who
you think we are,
but I've never heard
of Omega Sector.
Harry sells computers.
He's not even a manager.
He makes $63,000 a year,
he drives a 2004 Subaru
when we're not
switching out the vans.
He is the fourth best player
in his bowling league.
Shut up.
Kill the woman.
She's useless to me.
Wait, wait, wait.
Yes, you're right, you're right.
I'm an operative
for Omega Sector,
and she's my supervisor.
You're saying...
she is a spy?
Oh, of course she is.
What idiot brings a useless
junior college
teacher on a mission?
Right? I mean, come on.
I think...
I think you're lying to me,
and maybe
you'll change your story
if-if I take an eye,
if I cut it out.
I want the truth. Now.
Uh, it's true, what he's saying.
I am...
an Omega supervisor.
And if you cut out
my employee's eye,
there's gonna be
hell to pay, buddy.
You, a supervisor?
I'm sorry that I'm a woman
and that surprises you.
What year is it?
How do you
think she helped me
fight off your team
in the bistro? Uh-huh.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. She's trained.
And currently, I supervise...
all the others.
We've got to move.
Take them both.
We'll sort this out at the base.
Get the helicopter ready.
Harry, I think
it's time you tell
this useless junior
college teacher
what the hell is going on.
These people obviously have us
mixed up with someone else,
and you're playing
along with them?
Are you trying to get us killed?
Please don't be mad.
Well, it's too late, Harry.
I'm mad.
I'm a spy.
I work for an organization
called Omega Sector.
That is insane. You were just
in a sales conference
in Cleveland.
Helen, I was in the Caribbean,
capturing a black
market arms dealer.
We intercepted a
weapon earlier today.
Toda... You... When you
were getting opera tickets?
Eh...
So...
You don't...
you don't sell computers?
No, I do. That's true.
I do sell computers.
But, uh, Telonyx is a front
for a spy organization.
For how long is...
I got recruited in '98.
In 1998?
Harry, you looked me in the eye.
You told me you weren't lying.
I wasn't lying. Yes, you were.
No, I wasn't. I did
not have an affair.
I didn't have an affair.
But you've just been lying about
everything since we met.
Harry, you put the
children in danger.
No, the kids are fine.
Omega Sector kept them safe.
Mrs. Myers, from next door,
she's a trained
countersurveillance officer.
The cat lady from next door?
She's a trained assassin.
Mm.
This is Socks Two.
His mommy was Socks One.
I'm not sure who his daddy was.
This, this is Domino.
Because her spots
look like dominos.
Well, as much as I
would love to see more,
I have homework
that I have to do.
But I bet that Jake
would love to see
more pics of the
cats in sweaters.
Actually, I should, um,
probably hit the books, too.
So, um, maybe a little later?
Any time, dear.
Thanks for dinner.
Enjoy your studying.
All right.
Security team, this
is team leader.
Fox cub one,
fox cub two secure.
Copy, team leader.
Looks like they're in there.
What do we got?
Two guards posted outside.
Sounds like there's
a chopper out back.
Probably preparing to move them.
This is for you. Hey.
Oh, I'll be in the van.
Gib,
Harry's in trouble.
Let's go.
Harry, if we live through this,
you're sleeping on the couch.
Yeah, yeah, I figured.
The guy on the left,
there's something
wrong with his knee.
How do you know?
Because they're
from northern Spain,
and your useless
wife speaks Basque.
Nice job.
Is that from your
exercise video?
That's from yoga
class. What's next?
Come here.
Okay.
Our best bet is to
steal that helicopter.
You can fly a helicopter?
Harry, what about that
time when we were in Maui,
and I wanted to go
on the volcano tour,
and you said it
made you airsick?
Uh, honey, please,
can this wait?
Fine, but this can't.
Okay.
Okay.
Ah, so I get to ruin
my favorite dress
to tie up a terrorist.
I'll have Omega get
you a new one, all right?
Just make sure he's secure.
All right, take this.
We got to shoot our way
to the helicopter. What? No.
It'll be fine. I'll
talk you through it.
Harry, that's the
worst idea ever.
There's like eight
guys out there.
Helen, we have one chance.
I'm trying to save our lives.
You're not doing a
very good job, Harry.
Just take the guard's uniform
and walk me outside.
They're expecting two prisoners.
So get on the
radio and tell them
that you're bringing
me out first.
I don't know how
to speak Basque.
It'll be fine. I'll
talk you through it.
So explain to me
where you were when you were
fly fishing last
month? Helen, please.
Can we do this later?
I just wanted to know
where you were when you
missed our anniversary.
I was in Argentina,
saving the president.
Hmm, of course you were.
Now.
Hey!
We have to take off. Hold on.
Ah!
Helen!
Harry!
Helen, I can't control it.
You got to get him off.
I'm trying!
Helen! Harry, get us down!
I can't land.
There's too much gunfire.
Harry!
Autopilot engaged.
Give me your hand!
Come on, baby.
Give me your hand.
You okay?
That's one way to see Paris.
How was the sales trip?
Oh, you know me. Killed it.
Helen's helping me
hang up my sales award.
Harry, I don't understand
why we can't just
go home already.
I know it's a pain, but
we have to get debriefed.
Debriefed, yes.
Oh, yes. Of course.
Good morning.
All of the people who work here
are part of this...
No, no. Some...
Most sell computers.
Just... some of us
have a side job.
Helen, I know this
is a lot to absorb,
but I just want to tell you,
you were amazing in Paris.
Oh.
And with this
coming out, finally,
this could be
really good for us.
I've wanted to be
honest with you
for so many years.
Yes, but you weren't, Harry.
Uh, get-get right in the middle.
What?
I've been married to
somebody that I don't know.
I spent 17 years of my life
married to someone who said
that skiing was too dangerous,
and that foreign foods
gave him an upset stomach.
Well, technically,
some foreign foods do
upset my stomach.
Well...
this was a disaster.
Yeah, yeah,
it wasn't ideal.
But the mission was
technically a success.
We'll discuss the mission later.
Right now, we have a lot to do.
Why did she say "we,"
and then look at me?
I don't think there's a "we,"
'cause I'm not part of this.
That's not how it works.
Once you know about Omega,
once you've been a part
of an operation like this,
you're a target.
And you're part of it, whether
any of us like it or not,
for your safety and ours.
Yes, uh, but I'm a teacher.
I'm not a spy.
You'll still be a teacher.
We got you a tenured
position at Shoreton.
That is quite
interesting. Tenure?
At Shoreton? Is she
serious? Are you serious?
Yes.
You'll need something
with a more flexible
teaching schedule
during your training.
It's exciting, right?
Going back to a university.
Hang on a sec, Harry.
My training? What's my training?
The basics.
Countersurveillance, weapons,
self-defense, evasive driving,
threat detection, data security.
Harry, did you know this
was going to happen?
I guess that's a "yes," then.
Honey,
it's for your protection,
and our family's.
Looks like the two of you
have plenty to talk about.
Welcome aboard, Helen.
Okay.
Here we are.
Home sweet home.
Uh, guys,
I don't want to overstep,
but I'm picking up some tension.
So, security-wise,
it may be best
if you guys acted normal.
All right? All right.
Jake, doesn't this
seem a little weird?
What's so
weird? They're home.
Okay, tell me this:
Do they look like they just
got back from vacation?
No, not really.
I wonder what's going on.
And how, exactly, are we
supposed to act normal?
After we were kidnapped,
almost died in a
helicopter crash,
and your spy plane lost
the rest of my luggage.
Look, I know it's a lot,
but please, just
do it for the kids.
They need you.
I need you.
We're a team, right?
Hey!
Hey, we're home! Hey!
We did.
Yes, you wouldn't believe
it. Oh, come here.
Captioning sponsored by CBS
Hey, sweetie, listen.
I'm sorry, but I
got some bad news.
The conference is running long.
Seriously?
I was making your favorite
casserole for dinner.
The kids are going to be bummed.
I know, I know, and I'm sorry,
but it's a sales banquet.
And you know Luther, he thinks
no one's going to
buy a computer server
unless you eat a rubber
chicken breast with them.
It's okay,
I have a million
linguistics finals to grade.
But I was really looking
forward to seeing you.
No, I know, honey, but
it's-it's a big project.
If I get this commission, we
can get the dishwasher fixed.
Okay.
Well, have fun in Cleveland.
Who doesn't have
fun in Cleveland?
Look, I got to go. The
banquet's about to start.
Please don't be mad.
I'm not mad.
Try to enjoy your
sales banquet chicken.
I will. I love you.
Kisses. More kisses.
Do you need a hug?
Aw, "Kisses.
Please don't be mad
at me"? Seriously?
Let's put a hold on
the toxic masculinity.
We're behind schedule.
I love my wife.
Give me a break.
Okay, mission review.
You go in, kidnap
the weapons dealer,
and get him out.
Ambulance arrives in
exactly 22 minutes.
Any questions?
If we're
unclear on the mission
at this point, Gib, I'm
pretty sure we're dead.
Aw.
We're in
place. Initiate.
Luther, buddy, you're up.
Man, I
love this thing.
It slices, it dices,
it cuts through
carbon steel bars,
and it's still sharp enough
to slice through a tomato.
Boys and their toys.
My next op, I need a smaller gun
or a bigger suit.
Uh, you're grabbing
one of the biggest
weapons dealers
in the hemisphere.
It's not supposed to be easy.
Easy for
you to say, Gib.
You don't have to carry
a 200-pound bad guy
halfway across the Caribbean.
Aw. Field agents
get all the glory
and all the lower back pain.
Maybe you'll remember
that the next time
you make fun of me for
sitting in a van all day.
Have all you want.
Your dad's not going to
make it to dinner, so...
What, he's not?
Yeah, I thought he was
supposed to be home tonight.
Uh, I guess he got stuck
at a sales conference
in Cleveland.
Poor Dad.
Seriously, when is he
not stuck at a sales conference?
I know it happens a lot, but
you know what your dad says.
"Computers don't
sell themselves."
Yeah, but he should
still have a life.
I mean, it's not like
he's saving the world.
Can't he just tell them no?
I wish.
Oh, boy.
This is not good.
Trilby didn't tell us
who's on the guest list.
It's a who's who
of global bad guys.
Gib, why didn't we
get a full report
on what we're walking into?
This is a nightmare.
Talk to the boss,
man. I just work here.
- What's your approach?
- The catering van
with the grill at the
backside of the house.
All right, let's roll.
♪ Ya-hee, icky thump,
who'd have thunk? ♪
♪ Sitting drunk on
a wagon to Mexico ♪
♪ Ah, well, what a
chump, and my head ♪
♪ Got a bump when I
hit it on the radio ♪
♪ Redhead se orita
looking dead ♪
♪ Came and said, "I
need a bed" en espa ol ♪
Okay, guys, once you
clear the catering area,
you're gonna want to scale
the second balcony on your...
left. On your left.
Rand's office is on the far east
end of the home.
Remember,
once you get inside,
any sound over a
normal speaking voice
will set off the alarm.
So, when you grab him,
no yelling, no shooting.
Harry, keep it quiet.
Excuse me?
What are you doing in here?
I was getting bored downstairs.
Just looking for some fun.
♪ Icky thump, with a
lump in my throat ♪
♪ Grabbed my coat, and I was
freaking, I was ready to go ♪
♪ And I swear beside the
hair, she had one white eye ♪
♪ One blank stare,
looking up, lying there ♪
♪ On the stand near her
hand was a candy cane ♪
♪ Black rum, sugar cane,
dry ice, something strange ♪
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...
[thump]
Harry, what was that?
I told you, nothing over
a normal speaking voice.
It's fine,
won't happen again.
M-Make sure it doesn't.
We're about one wet fart
away from dead, okay?
Now, get in your uniforms,
get that stretcher set up,
and kill the security
system. We got to move.
Luther, you're gonna
find the keypad
for the security system
behind the painting
on the west wall.
Get that thing decoded
and shut it down.
Also, Harry,
Helen just texted
to remind you about
her work barbecue.
"I didn't
forget. I'm all over it."
Heart emoji.
Kissy heart emoji.
Send pic three.
Pic four is way cuter.
Pic three.
What a goofball.
Mr. Rand?
Are you all right?
Guys, what's going on?
Psst.
Harry.
What's happening?
Luther? He's having
a pillow fight
with this guy in
front of my face.
There's nothing I can do.
Maria.
Guys, you're peaking out here.
It's fine,
Harry's got it under control.
Go, go, go. Get out of there.
New plan.
Corner of the house,
the catering van with the grill.
Go. Go.Get out. Get out.
Dana.Mom.
Can you knock next time, please?
I'm just checking
on your homework.
I already did it.
I was just looking
at my snow globes.
Okay.
All right.
Love you. I love you.
Good night.
No, no, no, no. Maria,
you've got to drive faster.
I got three guards on
motorcycles coming in hot.
It's a catering van.
It can't go faster.
Harry, can
you take them out?
I'm trying.
I got a giant grill full
of T-bones in the way.
No, no, no, no, no.
Harry, they're gaining on you.
Yeah, Gib, I see
that. I can't get a shot.
I got an idea.
The laser cutter, give it to me.
Hey, sweetie.
Hey. I'm about to go to bed.
Just playing a video game.
Okay, nothing too
violent, I hope.
I know. No violence.
Oh, shame to waste
all those T-bones.
All right, everybody,
let's go home.
Okay, cover story review.
Where'd you stay?
Cleveland Ramada, room 713.
How'd you get the
bruise on your arm?
Luther's bag fell out of
the overhead compartment
on the plane.
Good, good.
Your plane was United 238.
Breakfast was a Denver omelet.
Here are your presents.
Where'd you get them?
Airport gift shop
next to the Starbucks
where I got my muffin.
Receipts are in my wallet.
I got it, okay?
Hey, don't get mad at me.
I don't need a cover
story. You're the genius
who decided to get
married and have a family.
Yeah, well...
what's the point
of saving the world
if you're not doing it
for the people you love?
That's really touching, Harry.
Maybe if the spy thing
doesn't work out,
you could write greeting cards.
I know a guy.
I'll see you later.
Good luck.
Jakey, isn't this your textbook?
Yeah, I was looking
for that. Thanks.
Okay. Dana. No breakfast?
I had a protein bar.
That's not
breakfast. I made eggs.
Eggs are cruel, mom.
I watched this video, and
these chickens were just...
Hey, everyone.
Hey, Dad.
Hi, welcome home, honey.Hi.
Uh, I'm sorry I can't stay,
I've got to bring
the kids to school,
and I have yoga.
Okay, no problem,
but before you go, I
come bearing gifts.
Jake, Cleveland Browns cap.
Huh, buddy? Awesome.
Dana,
this is a very special
Cleveland snow globe.
It's from the James Garfield
monument gift shop.
This is so great.
Thank you, Dad.
I don't have this one
yet. It's awesome.
He was assassinated, never
got to finish his term.
And for my lovely wife...
Another travel book.
Yeah. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
There's a shopping list
on the counter for the barbecue,
and love you. Okay, bye.
Come on, let's go. Everybody.
Bye, Dad. Thanks
again for the snow globe.
Yeah, Dad.
See you later.
It's so sweet of Dad to
bring us presents all the time,
but this has to be the most
boring object in the universe.
Weren't you playing with
your snow globes last night?
Yeah, but I'm into
other stuff, too.
Sometimes it's like he
doesn't even know me.
Seriously.
It's cool that he thinks of us.
I don't even wear baseball caps.
Yeah, 'cause you
like to show off
your cute little
haircut we got you.
All right,
have fun at school.
Learn all the... I love...
I love you both.
A hundred places
we'll never see,
a hundred things we'll never do.
♪ Beat on the brat,
beat on the brat ♪
♪ With a baseball
bat, oh, yeah ♪
Whoo!
♪ Oh, yeah, oh-oh
♪ Beat on the brat,
beat on the brat ♪
That is insane.
How do they do that
with their legs?
It's not that hard,
you just have to
breathe into it.
Okay, is something wrong?
No, I'm good. I'm fine.
Tell me.
Do you promise not
to say anything?
On the way here, I drove
a hundred miles an hour.
What? Yeah.
Maybe more. I don't know.
Are you insane? Yeah.
I don't know, I
think maybe I am.
I think I was just
trying to feel,
like, a little bit of excitement
because I look at my life,
and it's the kids, and class
and a peck on the
cheek from Harry, so...
Okay.
This is about Harry.
Hmm, I don't know.
I love Harry.
He's an amazing husband,
he's a great father...
But you're not satisfied?
It wasn't always like this.
In the beginning,
He is still this
amazing, sexy man,
but sometimes he
can be a little...
I feel a little bad saying
this: He can be boring.
He's a computer salesman whose
idea of fun and adventure
is ordering coffee from Hawaii.
Oh.
I want to hold his hand,
and I want to look
into his eyes,
and I want to feel...
passion.
All right, listen.
You say he's gone a lot.
Tell me this.
Is he canceling plans
a lot, last minute?
Take phone calls and
texts in the other room?
When he does that, it's
mostly just for work stuff.
Helen, I know you don't
want to hear this,
but you might not be
the only one keeping
a secret here.
Hey, Tony.
Good morning, Donna.
Hey, how was the
sales conference?
Pretty good, pretty good.
We might make our June
sales numbers after all.
Please identify.
Access granted. Welcome
to Omega Sector.
Trilby, you want to tell me
what the hell is going on?
What? You had a
successful mission.
We're questioning
Rand right now...
What arms dealer gets
every major rogue state
and terror group to come to
him for an event like that?
All right. Sit.
And try to remember
you're talking to your boss.
Take a look at this.
Iraq, last May.
This is a military base
on the Turkish border.
It was attacked using
some kind of device.
All the defenses, the
concrete, the steel,
crumbled in seconds.
That event last night?
Everyone there was shopping
for one of their very own.
Where'd it come from?
We don't know.
We hoped Rand would know,
but it looks like he's
just a well-paid middleman.
Are those things
still out there?
I wish I could say no, Harry,
but there's one we
can't account for yet.
Stay ready.
We'll get in touch when
we know our next move.
You do that, and next time,
tell me what I'm walking in to.
Jake, where's the
barbecue sauce?
It's behind the cereal.
What's it doing
behind the cereal?
I like it on my sandwiches.
Buddy, you can't
hoard barbecue sauce.
I was looking for this.
Okay, Dad,
I don't get this.
Why do we have to have
a barbecue anyway?
Because we're a family and
we're supporting your mother.
And if you really want to
go to the beach tomorrow
with Riley, you'll
stop complaining.
Don't forget
to talk to Lawrence.
My department chair?
Right, yes. We
talked about this.
Okay. I got it.
You'll be fine. Lawrence, yup.
I'm on it.
You know, they
say the more you flip it,
it dries it out.
Is that what they say? Uh-huh.
I'll keep that in mind.
So you're the head of
the department, I hear?
Yes.
Oop, a little flare-up there.
So, uh, Helen tells me
you work in computers?
Yes. Sales to mid-sized
insurance companies.
We specialize...
Sometimes I wish I was
in something like sales.
Get away from all the
constant pressure...
Harry? Look who's here.
Hey! Uh, hey!
I guess I caught
you in the middle of
some kind of party or something?
Yeah, just an event
for my work colleagues.
Sorry to drop in on you.
Just got a quick office
update for the big guy.
There's cheese, Gib.
Go have some cheese.
Mmm. I'm sorry.
Uh, we'll just be a second.
We'll get you another
refreshment, Lawrence.
Don't mind if I do.
All right.
What are you doing here?
You wouldn't answer the phone,
so Trilby sent me over.
Our worst fears have come true.
That missing weapon
everybody was worried about?
Well, it turns out Rand
sold one of those weapons
before we picked him up.
We head to Paris
tomorrow to intercept it.
Tomorrow?
Mmm. Is that gouda?
She has to send us?
We're the only ones
that are authorized.
Plus, we are the best.
Two missions in four days?
Gib, I have a cover ID
I need to maintain here.
Mm, technically, it's just
part two of one mission,
and it's a good thing your
cover ID isn't barbecue master,
'cause your grill
game's weak, bro.
We all good here? GIB: Yes.
Yes, yes. Just
finishing up the update,
uh, on the sales trip tomorrow.
Yeah. There's
a sales trip tomorrow?
Sure is. Third biggest
insurance carrier in the region.
The spread is awesome.
Thank you.
Can I talk to you
for a second, Harry?
Yeah, but the chicken...
Leave the chicken.
Another work trip?
Really? Tomorrow?
I know, honey, I am so sorry.
It just came up last minute.
Gib just told me... Yes, and
Gib, that's another thing.
He's eating all of
my hors d'oeuvres
that I got for my work party.
Harry, sometimes I don't think
that you're focused on
your family anymore.
What are you talking about?
I'm making chicken for your
work barbecue as we speak.
I'm not talking
about chicken, Harry.
I'm talking about us.
What's wrong with us?
I didn't want to
have to say this,
but Cherry showed me
a checklist online.
Cherry? Mm-hmm.
"Ten Signs Your Husband
is Having an Affair."
Oh... Late-night texts,
secret phone calls,
emotionally distant,
and seven other things
that I don't remember,
but the point is you've checked
every single one of the
boxes, Harry. Helen,
an affair? How can
you even think that?
What other explanation
could there be?
Explanation? I'm working.
I showed you the
pictures from Cleveland.
I don't need to see pictures
from Cleveland, Harry.
I'm saying that our
marriage is in crisis.
Helen, I swear to you
that it's not what you think.
Well, what is it?
I was planning something,
and I wanted it
to be a surprise.
Oh, I wanted it
to be a surprise.
That's why Gib is here.
He was helping me plan.
What, what's he
helping you plan?
We're going to Paris tomorrow.
What? Yes.
Oh, is that why you
got me the travel book?
Yes.
Surprise.
Huh?
Dude, this is a joke, right?
You invited your
wife on a mission?
No, I didn't invite
her on a mission,
I invited her on a vacation.
Helen thought I was
having an affair.
I had to tell her something.
So you say you got a secret
fantasy football league.
You don't bring your wife...
There's a reason that
they don't even let us
date people without
Omega clearance.
They made an exception for
you because Harry's the best,
but you can't just...
You think I wanted this?
Helen said our
marriage was in crisis.
I thought I had this whole
husband thing handled,
and all of a sudden she thinks
I don't love her anymore?
So get a marriage counselor.
Listen, we can have
an agent in place
tomorrow that can convince
Helen that this whole thing
is in her head,
she's going cra...
Whatever. Just cancel
the Paris thing...
I can't. I already invited her.
Fine, I'll talk to her, then.
I told her you were
helping me plan it.
You...
Plus, she's mad at you
'cause you ate
all of our cheese.
This is the woman I love, Gib.
She's coming. That's it.
All right.
But for the record,
this is a bad idea.
And also for the record,
a lot of people
were eating cheese.
Okay?
Wow, honey, that's
so impressive.
You sound so French.
I teach
languages, Harry.
It's my thing.
So, how does it feel to finally
have a stamp in your passport?
Uh, you know, it's
fun. Something new.
Welcome to the Grand
Hotel Champs-E lys es.
Help with your bags?
I'm sorry, sir.
What language was that?
Malagasy, from Madagascar.
- A
- former French colony.
Malagasy. Now you're
just showing off.
Maybe just a little.
Harry, this place is amazing.
The bathtub is the size
of a swimming pool.
This is really sweet.
Thank you. You're welcome.
I'll be right back, I got to
go pick up the opera tickets.
You didn't tell me we
were going to the opera.
I know, I'm full of surprises.
Relax, enjoy this.
Take a bath.
I'll be back to pick
you up for dinner.
Okay, love you. Love you.
What's our status?
Oh, our status
is time is tight
because you couldn't
stay at the Ramada.
Look, a courier's
delivering the weapon
to an office building downtown.
But he has to meet
the buyer alone, okay?
That's our window.
We get in, we take out the guy,
we snatch the weapon.
We have one hour.
Let's make it in 45 minutes.
I got to buy flowers
on the way back.
Wearing that to the op?
What? What is wrong
with what I'm wearing?
Nothing. If you're happy...
Well, you can't
just say... Oh.
Uh-huh. You're trying
to mess with my head.
Trying? Looks like
I'm succeeding.
You're not gonna get in there.
My head is fine, and
so are my clothes.
Thank you. We got to
toughen you up, dude.
Courier approaching.
He has the weapon.
Courier is entering
the elevator now.
Copy that. In place.
Carrying courier on
the roof of the elevator.
Tell the interrogation
guys they can pick him up any time.
Weapon secured,
mission accomplished.
Nice work. Go get
your flowers, Harry.
Yes,
madam, no problem.
At what time would
you like to reserve?
Okay, so for tonight,
we want 8:30, and then
for tomorrownight...
Uh, monsieur? Monsieur?
I can help you here.
Thank you.
Ah. I need a dinner
reservation for 6:00 p.m.,
someplace romantic.
And two tickets to the opera.
Can you do that?
Of course, of course.
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
Ah, I can recommend
Bistro Adeline.
Yeah. Excellent,
tr s romantique.
And, uh, which opera?
Oh, uh, I don't
know. Any opera.
Of course. Of
course, monsieur...
Tasker, Harry Tasker. Room 515.
Merci, monsieur
Tasker. Thank you.
Thank you. Or merci.Oh.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Helen, I want to apologize.
For everything.
I've been a terrible husband...
No. No, Harry, you haven't
been a terrible husband.
I-I, you know,
I just miss how...
we used to be.
You remember when we first met?
Of course, every minute.
Well, you remember how
we stayed up all night
at that bar near Puerta del Sol?
Puerta del Sol.
Talking about
dreams and adventures.
It's just...
where did that Harry Tasker go?
He's still here, I'm still
the same Harry Tasker.
I love Madrid,
but I wanted to do
something more stable
for you and the kids.
And you have to admit,
Telonyx has been amazing to us.
The 401, the
medical flex account...
I married you,
Harry, I didn't marry
America's number three
supplier of computer systems
to the insurance industry.
Well, number two.
The number two. I'm just saying,
maybe...
there's more to life than just,
You
know, car payments
and getting the kids
to school on time
and re-seeding our
lawn, you know?
Don't you ever
want passion?
Or just...
adventure?
Harry?
Am I boring you?
Helen, we need to
get out of here now.
Unbelievable.
The second I talk about
something a little more serious
than an electric bill,
you completely check out.
Helen. What?
There are men here.
They're coming for us.
Oh, okay. Are they single?
Can they talk about
their emotions?
Is this a joke?
Honey, if that's a joke,
it doesn't work.
I have a lot of...
Harry, what's going on?
Oh, Harry,
no, no, no, no!
Harry, what is
going on?
Where did you learn
to fight like that?
Remember the tae kwon do
class I took with Dana?
You learned all that
from getting a yellow
belt at a strip mall?
How do you know
how to shoot guns?
I don't know, I just
pull the trigger thing.
What about you, when did you
learn to fight like that?
I learned everything
from an exercise video.
Why are you punching
in an exercise video?
It relieves stress.
Don't move.
What do we do now?
We move slowly.
The distress signal from
Harry's watch is still live.
I've pulled together
the van, the driver,
but trying to get a fix
on his position is...
Gib, what happened?
You remember Harry's little
errand to get flowers?
Mm-hmm. Well, he got followed.
Guy snuck into the hotel,
disguised himself
as a concierge,
got Harry's plans, got
a whole team in place.
Well, they
captured them both,
so they wanted them alive.
Well, that's worse.
I just-I just mean that if
they want Harry to talk,
now they've got his wife,
and that's leverage.
Can you guys
please focus?
We've got to save
Harry and Helen.
Bunch of street
workers out back.
It's kind of weird.
They just fixed that street.
All right, listen.
I have to go meet up
with Riley in an hour.
My boyfriend's
going to come over
to help out with the
beer, and then...
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I didn't know you had
a boyfriend. And beer?
Where do you have beer?
Behind my snow globes.
All right? At least
the stupid things
are good for
something.
Hey, Mrs. Myers.
Hi. I'm just checking in,
thought I'd fix you
two some dinner.
No, we...
We were gonna order pizza,
so we're-we're good.
Don't be silly.
Your father wanted you to
have a home-cooked meal.
I brought lasagna.
Helen, please,
don't say anything.
Harry, I know
that you're scared,
but I've read about this, okay?
We have to engage with them.
We have to humanize ourselves...
What? so I'll give a name,
find a common
interest. It's very...
Excuse me, sir.
There's been a mistake.
My husband Harry is
a computer salesman,
and my name is Helen,
and I teach at a junior college.
What are you doing? A funny
thing about me, I love...
Honey, let me handle it.
Harry, you're very
good with computers,
and, apparently, tae kwon do...
Helen. Helen, I'm in sales.
Negotiating is what I do.
Honey, okay, but...
Monsieur Tasker.
You know him?
Yeah, he's the hotel concierge.
Too bad you won't
make the opera.
They were excellent seats.
What do you want?
You know exactly what I want.
And your friends at Omega Sector
are going to give it to me.
What are you talking about?
No!
Harry...
Where's the weapon?
What weapon?
This is crazy.
I don't know who
you think we are,
but I've never heard
of Omega Sector.
Harry sells computers.
He's not even a manager.
He makes $63,000 a year,
he drives a 2004 Subaru
when we're not
switching out the vans.
He is the fourth best player
in his bowling league.
Shut up.
Kill the woman.
She's useless to me.
Wait, wait, wait.
Yes, you're right, you're right.
I'm an operative
for Omega Sector,
and she's my supervisor.
You're saying...
she is a spy?
Oh, of course she is.
What idiot brings a useless
junior college
teacher on a mission?
Right? I mean, come on.
I think...
I think you're lying to me,
and maybe
you'll change your story
if-if I take an eye,
if I cut it out.
I want the truth. Now.
Uh, it's true, what he's saying.
I am...
an Omega supervisor.
And if you cut out
my employee's eye,
there's gonna be
hell to pay, buddy.
You, a supervisor?
I'm sorry that I'm a woman
and that surprises you.
What year is it?
How do you
think she helped me
fight off your team
in the bistro? Uh-huh.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. She's trained.
And currently, I supervise...
all the others.
We've got to move.
Take them both.
We'll sort this out at the base.
Get the helicopter ready.
Harry, I think
it's time you tell
this useless junior
college teacher
what the hell is going on.
These people obviously have us
mixed up with someone else,
and you're playing
along with them?
Are you trying to get us killed?
Please don't be mad.
Well, it's too late, Harry.
I'm mad.
I'm a spy.
I work for an organization
called Omega Sector.
That is insane. You were just
in a sales conference
in Cleveland.
Helen, I was in the Caribbean,
capturing a black
market arms dealer.
We intercepted a
weapon earlier today.
Toda... You... When you
were getting opera tickets?
Eh...
So...
You don't...
you don't sell computers?
No, I do. That's true.
I do sell computers.
But, uh, Telonyx is a front
for a spy organization.
For how long is...
I got recruited in '98.
In 1998?
Harry, you looked me in the eye.
You told me you weren't lying.
I wasn't lying. Yes, you were.
No, I wasn't. I did
not have an affair.
I didn't have an affair.
But you've just been lying about
everything since we met.
Harry, you put the
children in danger.
No, the kids are fine.
Omega Sector kept them safe.
Mrs. Myers, from next door,
she's a trained
countersurveillance officer.
The cat lady from next door?
She's a trained assassin.
Mm.
This is Socks Two.
His mommy was Socks One.
I'm not sure who his daddy was.
This, this is Domino.
Because her spots
look like dominos.
Well, as much as I
would love to see more,
I have homework
that I have to do.
But I bet that Jake
would love to see
more pics of the
cats in sweaters.
Actually, I should, um,
probably hit the books, too.
So, um, maybe a little later?
Any time, dear.
Thanks for dinner.
Enjoy your studying.
All right.
Security team, this
is team leader.
Fox cub one,
fox cub two secure.
Copy, team leader.
Looks like they're in there.
What do we got?
Two guards posted outside.
Sounds like there's
a chopper out back.
Probably preparing to move them.
This is for you. Hey.
Oh, I'll be in the van.
Gib,
Harry's in trouble.
Let's go.
Harry, if we live through this,
you're sleeping on the couch.
Yeah, yeah, I figured.
The guy on the left,
there's something
wrong with his knee.
How do you know?
Because they're
from northern Spain,
and your useless
wife speaks Basque.
Nice job.
Is that from your
exercise video?
That's from yoga
class. What's next?
Come here.
Okay.
Our best bet is to
steal that helicopter.
You can fly a helicopter?
Harry, what about that
time when we were in Maui,
and I wanted to go
on the volcano tour,
and you said it
made you airsick?
Uh, honey, please,
can this wait?
Fine, but this can't.
Okay.
Okay.
Ah, so I get to ruin
my favorite dress
to tie up a terrorist.
I'll have Omega get
you a new one, all right?
Just make sure he's secure.
All right, take this.
We got to shoot our way
to the helicopter. What? No.
It'll be fine. I'll
talk you through it.
Harry, that's the
worst idea ever.
There's like eight
guys out there.
Helen, we have one chance.
I'm trying to save our lives.
You're not doing a
very good job, Harry.
Just take the guard's uniform
and walk me outside.
They're expecting two prisoners.
So get on the
radio and tell them
that you're bringing
me out first.
I don't know how
to speak Basque.
It'll be fine. I'll
talk you through it.
So explain to me
where you were when you were
fly fishing last
month? Helen, please.
Can we do this later?
I just wanted to know
where you were when you
missed our anniversary.
I was in Argentina,
saving the president.
Hmm, of course you were.
Now.
Hey!
We have to take off. Hold on.
Ah!
Helen!
Harry!
Helen, I can't control it.
You got to get him off.
I'm trying!
Helen! Harry, get us down!
I can't land.
There's too much gunfire.
Harry!
Autopilot engaged.
Give me your hand!
Come on, baby.
Give me your hand.
You okay?
That's one way to see Paris.
How was the sales trip?
Oh, you know me. Killed it.
Helen's helping me
hang up my sales award.
Harry, I don't understand
why we can't just
go home already.
I know it's a pain, but
we have to get debriefed.
Debriefed, yes.
Oh, yes. Of course.
Good morning.
All of the people who work here
are part of this...
No, no. Some...
Most sell computers.
Just... some of us
have a side job.
Helen, I know this
is a lot to absorb,
but I just want to tell you,
you were amazing in Paris.
Oh.
And with this
coming out, finally,
this could be
really good for us.
I've wanted to be
honest with you
for so many years.
Yes, but you weren't, Harry.
Uh, get-get right in the middle.
What?
I've been married to
somebody that I don't know.
I spent 17 years of my life
married to someone who said
that skiing was too dangerous,
and that foreign foods
gave him an upset stomach.
Well, technically,
some foreign foods do
upset my stomach.
Well...
this was a disaster.
Yeah, yeah,
it wasn't ideal.
But the mission was
technically a success.
We'll discuss the mission later.
Right now, we have a lot to do.
Why did she say "we,"
and then look at me?
I don't think there's a "we,"
'cause I'm not part of this.
That's not how it works.
Once you know about Omega,
once you've been a part
of an operation like this,
you're a target.
And you're part of it, whether
any of us like it or not,
for your safety and ours.
Yes, uh, but I'm a teacher.
I'm not a spy.
You'll still be a teacher.
We got you a tenured
position at Shoreton.
That is quite
interesting. Tenure?
At Shoreton? Is she
serious? Are you serious?
Yes.
You'll need something
with a more flexible
teaching schedule
during your training.
It's exciting, right?
Going back to a university.
Hang on a sec, Harry.
My training? What's my training?
The basics.
Countersurveillance, weapons,
self-defense, evasive driving,
threat detection, data security.
Harry, did you know this
was going to happen?
I guess that's a "yes," then.
Honey,
it's for your protection,
and our family's.
Looks like the two of you
have plenty to talk about.
Welcome aboard, Helen.
Okay.
Here we are.
Home sweet home.
Uh, guys,
I don't want to overstep,
but I'm picking up some tension.
So, security-wise,
it may be best
if you guys acted normal.
All right? All right.
Jake, doesn't this
seem a little weird?
What's so
weird? They're home.
Okay, tell me this:
Do they look like they just
got back from vacation?
No, not really.
I wonder what's going on.
And how, exactly, are we
supposed to act normal?
After we were kidnapped,
almost died in a
helicopter crash,
and your spy plane lost
the rest of my luggage.
Look, I know it's a lot,
but please, just
do it for the kids.
They need you.
I need you.
We're a team, right?
Hey!
Hey, we're home! Hey!
We did.
Yes, you wouldn't believe
it. Oh, come here.
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