True Blood (2008–2014): Season 3, Episode 5 - Trouble - full transcript

Alcide and Sookie turn to an alpha-wolf "packmaster" for advice on dealing with Russellʼs minions; Tara considers a proposal from Franklin, whoʼs completed his mission for Russell; Joe Lee breaks his promise to Sam and Tommy; Lafayette learns the meaning of patience from Jesus, his motherʼs orderly; Jason meets his match in the mysterious girl Crystal; an heirloom reminds Eric of his past and his ongoing thirst for vengeance.

Mm. Spicy.
Who's a pretty girl? You're a pretty girl.
You're pretty. Yes, you are. Grrr!
Piss off.
I know it's not too good to be all matchy-matchy...
...but you and your dusky little bloodbeast are totally at odds with my decor.
Well, nobody cares what you think about anything. Shut up.
-l'm awful sorry. -No, you're not.
Oh, good girl.
-Just ignore him. He's the cleaning lady. -Psycho fugly thug.
-You know him? -l thought l did.
-Why is she here? -Why is she here?
-She wants to be with me. -Hence the restraints.
-She's mine. -Relax. Nobody wants her.
Certainly not I.
-Why is he here? -Because I have a present for you, sir.
-You're not supposed to bring work home. -Darling, king.
Franklin, you never disappoint. Shall we retire to the study?
What is going on here? What's wrong with you?
Yes, Bill. Your behavior is somewhat erratic.
Help me.
As always, the deposit will go to your trust account.
But l want cash.
Last time you had any real money... ended up at the slots in Biloxi, slaughtering a group of elderly women.
-They wouldn't let me have a turn. -Why are you dragging another girl around?
So sloppy.
I'm tired of cleaning up after you.
-This is one is spectacularly different. -Hm.
She's such a fucking disaster. We could be twins.
The attraction is electric.
Franklin, you're a huge freak.
But l like your work.
-Bill Compton is lying to me. -Yes, sir.
Who keeps a dossier on his human? Why would he care about her family tree?
Sophie Anne's overstated perfume is all over this.
That's what l thought.
She's already escaped us once, this barmaid.
Send a wolf, what'd you expect?
Maybe I should send you back to Bon Temps to acquire Sookie Stackhouse.
I don't have to go anywhere.
She's in Jackson.
I'll let you play your little game of hard to get.
You're gonna be that much sweeter when you're mine again.
You know, Russell was right.
You're not very smart.
You played yourself into a corner, you tiresome cow.
What happened back there? Why were they all shifting?
-You almost shifted. -Couldn't help it.
When that energy starts rolling, it takes you over.
We're lucky we got out of there alive. Fuck! Ugh!
-l know it was terrible-- -You don't know anything.
If you don't slow down, you're gonna kill us.
And l am not gonna die because of your shitty girlfriend and a Mississippi pothole!
I had to be mean to make you listen.
-l'm sorry. -She wasn't always shitty.
We were great together.
When she wasn't drinking or cheating.
She used to play horseshoes with my dad... my mom plant tomatoes.
But tonight she was half-naked in a wolf skin, getting branded.
-Tell me more about Russell Edgington. -He's just some rich vampire.
-That's all I knew till tonight. -l gotta talk to him.
-Are you out of your fucking mind? -The brand, the blood, the vampire.
He knows where Bill is, or he knows who knows.
I promised Eric I'd keep you out of trouble.
You ain't going near him, Sookie.
This is completely unnecessary. I told you l come in peace.
Hello. Have we met?
Eric Northman, sheriff, Louisiana Area 5.
I've come to see the king.
Talbot, royal consort.
Permit me to facilitate.
Let him go, you idiots.
Thank you.
I humbly request permission to hunt your territory...
...for the vampire missing from my area.
I appreciate your courtesy, Eric. It's very old-world.
Nobody has manners anymore. It was all so beautiful once.
-Your fugitive, what's his name again? -Bill Compton.
I'm responsible for him, and l'm ashamed to admit it...
...but he's wanted for selling vampire blood.
Oh, no, no.
-That's heinous. Are you sure? -Hm.
Let's ask him.
He's not missing, and he's way too square to deal V.
You tried to pin that on me?
We all know it's your queen behind this, Northman.
And that you did the selling for her.
You see, Mr. Compton has accepted a position in my court...
...and therefore keeps nothing from me.
Oh. You're here of your own accord.
Which means....
Sookie is no longer mine.
A king in front of them, a queen behind them...
...and they're talking about a human girl.
Your Majesty, I confess.
I sold the blood at my queen's command and accused Bill to protect her.
So, what do l do now?
Unless I give the Magister Compton, he'll murder my progeny.
Darling, so sad.
The Magister is a nasty little anachronistic toad...
...a ridiculous remnant of the Middle Ages.
The only power he has over us is the power we give him.
There may be a way to solve all our problems.
Sleep here.
You're more than welcome.
How can l refuse?
You can't just walk back in here. Give me my key.
Shut up! Don't tell me what to do!
It's my key, and l'll use it whenever l want!
You walked out on me. You got no right.
We'd still be together if you weren't so weak!
-Keep it down. -Don't tell me to keep it down!
Because I don't give a shit about the neighbors!
-l'm here to save your fucking life. -Liar.
You drug addict. You sold your soul to a vamp. l saw you.
He's more than a vamp. Oh, you ignorant redneck.
-lf he knew what you saw-- -Fuck him.
I'm warning you...
...if anybody finds out what went on at Lou Pine's--
That's your neighbor?
-Oh, hell, no. -She got nothing to do with this.
You're fucking my wolf, bitch. In my house.
Like l did with Coot and Roy and Bobby and Travis.
Like you did with Coot and Roy and Bobby and Travis.
What'd you say to me, whore?
I'm strong enough to throw you out, blood or no blood.
No, I'm not sleeping with him.
But you traded this good person who loves you...
...for a shot of V, that burn on your back...
...and a dumb biker who's half the man and half the wolf that Alcide is.
I will fuck you up!
I will cut you!
Sookie, back off.
Where is Bill Compton?
Who the helI is Bill Compton?
Do you like your new gown?
Oh. Yes.
I picked it out especially for my lover.
Thank you so much.
Even when l'm away from you, I can feel your flesh molded to me.
That's how close we are now.
-That's really sweet. -l know.
Almost forgot.
You have a text message.
"Bitch, where are you?"
You said no boyfriends. Who is he? Who's Lafayette?
I'll rip your throat out!
He's my cousin.
And he's-- And he's gay.
Oh. Well, how do l get rid of him?
How about, um....
"I'm busy, bitch"?
No, "bitch." He wrote "bitch." Too many "bitches." "Hooker"?
In his other messages, he calls you "hooker."
"Hooker." No, "hookah." That's a water pipe. Heh, heh.
Tell him l'm okay.
Say, "Trust me, motherfucker."
"Trust me, motherfucker." Brilliant.
Hey, Tara, watch how fast I type "motherfucker."
-lt's cool, right? -Yeah. Amazing.
I'll delete it so you can watch again.
Look. Look at me.
Love you.
-l'm a fan of the regular mulch, myself. -Oh. Oh.
Oh, that's good for everyday, but I love that red mulch. Yeah.
I use it in all my flowerbeds. lt would look so good by your wishing well.
I don't know. That seems kind of wild.
Morning, Kenya.
Morning, Kevin.
-Morning. -Morning.
-What you doing here? -What am l doing? I'm here to work.
-Really? -Mm-hm. Chomping at the bit.
Point me at the crime scene and let's get her.
Acting Sheriff Andy Bellefleur, would you come out here, please?
Can it wait? I was just going to the restroom.
Morning, boss. I'm ready for my first day.
I guess this means you find my performance inadequate.
I will if you don't get out there to the corner and cross them little kids to school.
What's going on, Andy?
Why does Jason Stackhouse need a desk in the Sheriff's Department?
Nobody else is using it. What do you care?
Why don't you run those folders in the conference room over to the courthouse?
Please, Deputy Jones.
I don't want a desk.
I wanna be out in the field, where it's real. That's where I shine.
This ain't magic, Jason. You gotta learn the ropes.
Trust me, I'm pushing you through fast as l can.
Now, Rosie's home with female pains, so for now, you're in charge of the phones.
Can l at least have a uniform?
Let me get right on that.
He's just showing me how strong he is.
Makes me proud.
-Yeah. -Hey, watch it.
-That's your damn father. -l know exactly who he is.
Oh, it's nothing.
It's a little game they ought to play in private.
He'll make it up to me. Won't you, boy?
Maybe you need to talk amongst yourselves, all right?
Y'all listen to Sam. He's always got the good ideas.
It's all been said.
-Hey, Sam. Sam. -Hey. Look at you.
-You doing what l think you're doing? -Yup. Yes, sir.
Me, Terry Bellefleur...
...l'm moving in with Arlene Fowler.
Ah! You're cracking my ribs, buddy.
Hey, hey.
Hey, now, it's gonna be okay.
I mean, sure, it's scary.
She's a little crazy, but so are-- Is everybody, you know?
Don't worry.
I ain't worried.
I've never been so not worried.
This is what normal people do, Sam. They fall in love.
They make each other laugh. And they move in together.
They raise kids. They fight over money.
They get old and fat together, and it's normal.
And it's happening to me.
-l can't believe it. -Well, l can.
Nobody deserves it more.
Baby? I don't feel too good today, okay?
I ain't cleaned nothing, I ain't cleared nothing out.
I'm the luckiest man in the world.
Coming, honey.
You be careful with that.
Oh, no, no. We can't be kissing right now. Just put that in the living room.
Happy for you, Arlene.
Thank you, Sam.
Oh, God. I never thought it would happen again.
And again, and again. Ha, ha, ha.
And that other time too. But especially now.
Oh, sweet Jesus, l am a hurting gator.
Hey, you know, uh....
Hey, Joe Lee.
I got these tenants here. You could be my on-site handyman.
Handyman? l got a list as long as my leg.
-Well, if it don't hurt my back. -He'd love to.
Time for work, bro.
Have a great day, Sam.
It's gone too far and it's picking up speed.
I gotta tell the packmaster everything.
Gonna run errands. Won't take long.
-What's a packmaster? -Goddamn it.
-l gotta do what I gotta do. -This is Were business.
It's against our laws to tell you anything.
I've been listening to dark, private thoughts since l was a little girl.
-Keeping secrets is how l survive, Alcide. -No.
Then l'll have to dig it out of your head, and l really don't like to do that.
Pack isn't a democracy.
Most Weres don't have much sense. You saw.
They're all teeth and fight and sex.
Packmaster's our alpha.
He makes the big decisions, keeps the rest of us in line.
How much does your packmaster know about last night?
That's what l have to find out. He'll tell us what to do.
-l'm coming along. -l am not breaking more rules for you.
Then you might as well invite Debbie over to tear me up...
...because that's what she's gonna try to do.
Work with me, Alcide.
It gets easier.
-l'll take the car accident on Euclid. -l'll take the vandalism at the high school.
What do I do?
File that for me, will you, babe?
Stackhouse! You're driving me nuts.
I can't work a desk no more, Andy.
It's sucking the life out of me.
I need a cold case. I need a special assignment.
I need some fucking thing to do right fucking now...
...or l'll blow up like a M80 and take this whole place with me.
Don't worry. I'll give you just what you need.
Suck on that thing. Don't play with it.
There you go.
Now, this here cigarillo is called a Macanudo Ascot.
But my personal favorite, boyfriend, is the Schimmelpenninck panatella.
I don't care what they call it. It tastes like shit.
Tommy, can you go inside for me, please?
-l got five more minutes. -Get, please.
How you doing?
What happened to her?
-Excuse me? -You ain't got to be gentle, Jesus.
She hated me and I hated her. Just tell me how she died.
-What, your mom? -Yeah.
Oh, God, man, no, no, no. Of course you'd think that.
I'm such a...idiot.
Should have told you from the start. She's good.
She, uh....
She threw her breakfast in my face yesterday.
Well, that's good, l guess.
It's her style, for sure.
So, what are you doing here at Merlotte's?
I came by to see you.
Somebody been talking to you?
You heard a conversation with my name in it?
Because whatever was said, it ain't fucking true.
And you best not tell nobody for your own fucking sake, you feel me? Huh?
Look, man, it's my day off.
I just thought that maybe you'd like to go watch a movie or something.
You don't want to. You know what? Forget about it.
I don't even know why-- It's a bad idea anyway.
No, no.
It's just that l'm working.
-Till when? -Eleven.
I would go with you, but um....
No, I get it.
I'm going inside now.
What are you doing?
I'll hang.
It's only nine hours.
Nothing else to do.
After you.
Oh, Lordy.
If these were ordinary Were junkies scoring on the street, I wouldn't be here...
...but they're organized and drinking from the source.
Sookie can back me up.
You'll be disciplined for exposing us to a human, Alcide.
-Yes, sir. -lt's not his fault.
We only wanted to tell you what we saw.
-l already know all about it. -Then you have a plan?
Whatever it is, l support you, sir, 1 00 percent.
Do nothing, tell no one.
How's that help the pack?
-Russell Edgington-- -There's nothing l can do about him.
He's the goddamn vampire king of Mississippi.
-Bill. -Colonel Flood, that gang is recruiting.
We can't just sit back and let some fanger pick us off one by one.
Edgington is ancient.
He's had a pack of Weres serving him for centuries all over the world.
Now he's on our doorstep. We gonna be smart.
Let him do what he wants to do until he goes away.
If he's part of our history, you should have told us.
I am saving us from extinction.
I'd rather be extinct than slave to a dead man.
Don't know what else to do. There's no one to help me.
He'll kill us all. Maybe I'll just leave town. l'm scared shitless.
Show no fear.
Don't question your packmaster, boy.
-Colonel Flood, we gotta do something. -Let him go.
-He can't help. He's afraid. -Bullshit.
Alcide, obey.
It wasn't bullshit.
I know.
I trust you.
I'll give you what you need.
Goddamn piece of shit.
Son of a bitch. Now what?
-License and registration. -What for?
What'd I do?
We can discuss that further at a point in time according to regulations.
License, registration and your insurance card.
-l don't think so. -Oh, you'd better.
-l'm a cop. -l don't think you are a cop.
Are you resisting me?
Because if you are...
...please observe the official police vehicle where l came out of.
Where's your badge?
Where's your gun?
Where's your shirt?
Yeah, all right, all right. It's no secret.
I'm a deputy sheriff liaison, which means l'm in training.
But l'll be a cop real soon. Real soon.
-So give me your ID. -Nope.
-Please? -Heh, heh, heh.
-You don't give up, do you? -No, ma'am, l don't.
Why were you crying the first time l saw you?
I wasn't crying.
I never cry.
I'm Jason Stackhouse, and l wanna know you.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
But since you're not gonna write me a ticket...
...because you're a fake policeman...
...and l got milk and mayonnaise in the back....
Well, at least tell me your name.
-Crystal. -Crystal.
-Well-- And your phone number. -No phone.
-Everybody has a phone. -l don't.
-Meet me tonight at Merlotte's. -Can't do it.
I'll be there, Crystal.
Excuse me, can you hand me them peanuts?
Hey, how's your first night going?
-l'd rather carry crap than change tires. -Well, that's great.
Hey, looks like it's fixing to be a busy night.
Well, it's always a busy night when you're the only waitress in Merlotte's.
-Arlene. -Yes?
How come you never look me in the eye?
Because I do not care to be hypnotized...
...which is apparently what you walking dead people like to do.
Hi there. Welcome to Merlotte's.
I have a very romantic red vinyl booth for the two of you right over there.
And whatever happens... not tip your waitress.
Do not.
Alrighty, then, let's go.
-So you been here before? -Not since my daddy joined AA.
But it sure does feel good to be back, especially with you.
Well, you feel free to order anything that you want.
-Doesn't even matter how much it costs. -Thank you.
I don't eat much. I don't wanna get fat like my mama.
-At least not until I had a baby or two. -Mm-hm.
I can't wait to have babies. I'm real excited about it.
I mean, probably in like another two years or so, but....
What's the matter?
My ex.
I make a mean tuna casserole.
What, him? For real?
He look like he got bombed by radiation on his way to middle school.
That's a giant sixth-grade boy right there.
-No, you don't know him. -Get ready for this.
He's really very sweet.
Come on.
He's Little League. You're a smoking-hot vampire.
You're the majors.
-No. -Yeah. And a "hell, yeah" too.
Hey, Tommy. Joe Lee.
-What? -Tommy, get your ass home now.
No, I'm not gonna.
-l got a job now. -I don't give a shit about no job.
Do what I say when I say it.
You hear me, you little shit?
-Tara, why? -l was afraid.
Of me? You were afraid of me?
-That's insane. -But you tied me up.
To keep you safe.
Oh, my God, what other reason could there be?
You have no idea how much you've hurt me.
I feel like I've been staked.
I'm sorry, Franklin.
It's my fault. My head is all confused.
Can you forgive me?
It's not you I'm afraid of, it's this place.
All the other vampires...
...they're the ones who scare me.
I'll never let them touch you.
There's only you.
They don't exist.
There's only you.
Hm. You've circled certain names here.
I wonder why.
-You're joking. -Am I?
I never saw this before you showed it to me.
Don't know what it is. Where did it come from?
Oh, Franklin Mott found that, in your house.
With all due respect, why would you believe him?
It's my word against his.
Well, exactly. He's an old friend.
-l'd trust him with, uh.... -Your genealogy?
My-- Heh, heh, heh. My genealogy.
Earl Stackhouse, Sookie Stackhouse. Oh, those are the circled ones.
I have a theory, Bill. Do you know what l think?
No, but I'm fascinated.
I think telepathy runs in this family.
I think you've been playing Track the Telepath.
You are trying to discover the origins and the meaning...
...of your human's curious mental condition...
...because somehow, somewhere, there is a payoff.
It's a theory beautifully built, of air and imagination.
-But it has nothing to do with me, sir. -Oh, Bill.
Heh, heh, heh. Oh, Bill.
Excuse me, sir, can I talk to you? In private?
Hey, Andy.
I deserve more of a welcome than that, the news l got for you.
Sorry, l'm just kind of waiting on somebody.
I pulled every string in my collection on your behalf today.
-l'm a deputy? -Pretty damn close.
-They'll wave everything but the physical. -Oh, boy, l'm in.
And the written exam.
Wait, we talked about this. I can't take no test.
Well, you gotta. Come on, it's easy.
You shove that stuff in your head, write your answers...
...and forget it all the next day, learn on the job, like everybody else.
Come on, get your head up off the floor. You'll do great.
Who's the girl? Got a new one?
Don't matter. She ain't coming.
-You gonna break? -Heh, heh. No.
You break.
Or I will.
-Whatever you want. -Uh-huh.
You drove all this way and waited all day and most of the night so--?
It was fun.
You know?
Drinking beers, talking to people.
Watching you do your thing.
My thing? That? Oh, no.
-No, no, that is not my thing. -No.
Still got to look at you.
Did you look at me?
I can't be looking at folk with all that grease flying around the kitchen.
But l saw you.
Every now and again.
So we gonna play?
I'll play.
And l'll break.
I don't want you coming in here running the table, making me look bad.
Heh, heh. I don't think that's possible.
Listen at you talking all that bullshit to me.
-Hey, Sam. -Yeah?
Can l stay with you tonight?
How come?
You know, brother time.
Okay. You tell your folks, though.
-Yeah, I will. -l mean it.
Yeah, l said l would, and I will.
You're lying, and that puts me right in the middle of the Mickens...
...which is exactly where l don't wanna be.
Something's going on with you all. I feel it. I know it.
What does Joe Lee want from you?
He's just-- He's just a prick.
You can talk to me, Tom.
-You're a little edgy, bat boy. -Get out.
What are you gonna do? Tell the king? He's off you, bro.
You're on his shit list. Everybody knows it.
-Even his dirty little lapdog. -Hm.
You know what else l hear?
And this is sexy good news, Bill.
You're gonna love this. I know I loved it.
Your Bon Temps piece of country ass, your little blond ho... fucking a werewolf right here in Jackson!
-Suck that dick. -Where?
Where is Sookie?
Thought you stood me up.
I didn't. I tried to go in there a couple times.
It was too....
This ain't right.
I shouldn't be here. I....
I shouldn't be anywhere near you.
-Why? -lt's the way it is.
-Crystal-- -You don't understand, and l can't explain.
Listen, don't go.
I gotta.
Take a walk with me.
Just a little walk.
You're an outdoor girl.
I'll tell you that for nothing.
You're happy here in the woods.
Maybe so.
I'm that way too.
We got that in common. Heh, heh, heh.
Something's happening to us.
I don't wanna jinx it.
Those things you can't explain...
...l don't care about them.
-That's what you say now. -No, I'm pretty sure l mean it.
And l just might mean it forever.
There is no forever for us.
It's only now.
-Well, that ain't true. lt couldn't be. -lt is true.
Now is everything.
Now is perfect.
I've never been happier in my whole life than l am right now with you.
If you don't want me to touch you more...
...if you want me to stop here...
...l'm gonna have to step away because l'm....
I'm all upset.
We got that in common too.
-Sir. -Sheriff.
Please accept my apologies. There's a matter to which l must attend.
-Trouble? -Not really. More of an experiment.
Perhaps I can be of service.
Indulge my boy Talbot, will you? Let him give you the full tour.
Makes him positively blithe.
Sir, l have a child of my own in the Magister's bony hands.
-lf you could help as soon as poss-- -All in good time, Eric.
-You. -Boys only.
Show me everything.
-Man. -That's a call, right there.
-Don't open it. -What do you mean, don't open it?
You sneaky shifter piece of shit. Give me back my boy.
Tommy, get over here. I'll beat you blind.
Breaking down my door? Who the hell do you think you are?
-Go home. -l ain't leaving without my son!
-He ain't going anywhere with you. -You don't get it, you dumb motherfucker.
I own him, head to tail.
Fuck you, you broke-down bastard. You don't own shit.
You live in a house I own.
You wanna keep it, get out, before I throw your ass in the parking lot!
Oh, you don't think l'll do it? I'll do it. l'd love to do it.
Sorry. l'm liquored up.
I can't even think straight.
He's gotta learn responsibility.
It'll all be better in the morning.
What the fuck was that?
What's the matter? Who made you cry?
I'll kill him.
It's only l'm hungry, and they brought me this.
And l can't eat day lilies.
Tell Talbot we don't want his fucking flowers!
And don't come back! She wants to be with me!
God, you are sexy.
-We need to talk. -Don't say that.
Women say that, everything goes black, and l wake up surrounded by body parts.
Baby, no, no, it's okay. That's not where l'm going at all.
Franklin, I'm into you.
-l mean really into you. -Tara. Heh, heh.
Oh, Tara.
But if we're gonna be together, you have to remember that l'm alive.
I have needs, like food.
-You're right. l'm ashamed. -No, baby, it's just a thing.
-l'll remind you. -l can do better.
Let me take you somewhere special for dinner.
-l would love that. -There's Shoney's in Vicksburg.
Uh, great.
We'll celebrate your last night as a human.
-What? -l'm proposing.
I'm gonna turn you.
Will you be my vampire bride?
And what is this?
Japanese vampire erotica from the 1 6th century.
Exquisite detail.
You learn any tricks?
Eric, you know as well as l there's nothing new except someone new.
Well, it's an eclectic collection.
Oh, you should see what we have in storage.
Russell's a greedy little boy.
He wants what he wants and he takes it.
He's the same way about people.
Watch out.
-And this? -Some random tribal crown.
He must have a hundred of them.
This one's Scythian, l think.
Hand me your sister.
My son...'s time you were betrothed.
The sooner the better.
Where were you all day?
I never saw you.
He was in the barn with the redhead who feeds the goats.
It's not wrong to enjoy my life.
You have no sense of responsibility.
Can we talk about this later?
Eric, grow up.
You can't spend your life between a woman's legs.
I can try.
Get back here.
Your place is with me!
All you want me to do is follow you around!
I want you to learn to be king!
I will!
Who's at the door?
Eric! Behind you!
Bring me the crown.
Don't be a hero, Viking.
Look at me!
You are king.
I won't allow it.
You know what to do.
It's beautiful.
Sookie... have to go now.
-ls that all you have to say to me? -There's no time.
-You must take her away. -Wherever I'm going, you're coming too.
It's too late. There's no hope for me.
Please, you've gotta get her out of Jackson as fast as you can.
-l believe him. -What do you mean, there's no hope?
-You have to leave now. -l will, but tell me what l'm running from.
Come on in.
-That's for Debbie, fucker. -Grab the girl, you imbecile.
-Uncle Coot is gonna get you. Yeah. -Maybe not!
-No! -Argh!