True Blood (2008–2014): Season 2, Episode 2 - Keep This Party Going - full transcript

Having kissed and made up, Sookie and Bill's relationship seems stronger than ever. Bill still has the problem of Jessica, who is proving to be just a bit of a wild child. Clan leader Eric Northman again wants to use Sookie's services. Feeling guilty about her role in having Jessica made into a vampire, Sookie agrees to take her to her home where she promises she just want to see her parents and sister one more time. Things get out of hand when she jumps out of the car and she and Sookie are soon paying a visit. It's left to an outraged Bill to resolve everything. Jason attends the leadership seminar run by the Church of the Sun and makes quite a first impression. Maryann visits Sam Merlotte's bar with interesting effects. She also reminds Sam of just who is the most powerful between them. Lafayette manages to escape from Eric's dungeon but, unable to get away completely, suggests an alternate way out to his captors.

If you have any silver on you...

...now would be the time to reveal it.

No way. I ain't that stupid.

Yes, you are.

Is there blood in my hair?

- What?
- Is there blood in my hair?

I don't know, I can't see in this light.

How about now?

Yeah, there's a little bit
of blood in there, yeah.

This is bad. Pam is gonna kill me.

Who the fuck is Pam?



Why, do you wanna meet her?

No. No, I'm good.

Well, you're going to.

- Where are you taking me?
- To find out what you know.

I wouldn't try anything rash
if I were you.

I'm still hungry.

Another first.

How do you mean?

We've never had make-up sex before.

How does it compare to
"you thought I was dead" sex?

That was pretty great too...

...but I wouldn't want to
go through that again.

I hated feeling like I'd lost you.

And yet you like fighting with me.



I don't like it, it's just...

Let's not get too used to it then.

- We don't want to be one of those couples.
- You're right.

Holy S, I am so embarrassed
I could die.

What is it?

Jessica. I completely forgot she was here.

- Think she heard us?
- No.

If she had, she'd have no compunction
about letting us know it.

You know, you might want to try
going a little easier on her.

It's hard enough being
a teenage girl without...

- She is a vampire, Sookie.
- So are you.

And yet parts of your former self
are still in there, right?

I wouldn't be with you if they weren't.

Yes.

But I've had to work extremely hard
at finding my way back to my humanity.

Fragile as it may be.

When a vampire's as new as Jessica is...

...she has no humanity.

She's in the grips of an overwhelming
number of transformations.

There will be times when she cannot
control even a single impulse.

Believe me, she has many.

How is that any different
from being a teenage girl?

No humanity, check.

In the grips of overwhelming
transformations, check.

Cannot control impulses, check.

All right, how is that different?

All right, so what do you suggest I do?

Just spoil the girl?

Give in to her every whim and desire?

After all, that is what every
teenage girl wants, isn't it?

You don't have to be sarcastic
with me, Bill Compton.

You should at least
think about what I'm saying...

...if for no other reason
than what you're doing right now...

...isn't working out so hot.

Kind of ironic.

We promised each other
we weren't gonna fight anymore...

...and yet here we are.

This isn't a fight.

Yes, it is.

Well, then...

...prepare to be made up to.

This is a disaster. We'll have to go
much shorter than I planned.

Yeah, well, I said I was sorry, Pam.

But he took silver to me.

You were there, you saw it. Defend me.

I don't know what it is
you wanna know...

...but point me in the direction,
and I'll give it to you.

I've seen your website.
It's quite low rent.

But your clients miss you, Lafayette.

They're wondering
if you're ever coming back.

Am I?

I'm here because of the V, right? How about
I give you the names of everybody I sold to?

And all this time I thought prostitutes
were good at keeping secrets.

Don't get it twisted, honey cone,
I'm a survivor first...

...a capitalist second,
and a bunch of other shit after that.

But a hooker, dead last.

So if I got even
a Jew-at-an-al-Qaeda-pep-rally shot...

...at getting my black ass out
of this motherfucker, I'm taking it.

Now, what you wanna know?

The vampire you had
your little arrangement with...

...Eddie Fournier.

What happened to him?

I don't know.

I swear to God I don't.

Last time I saw him
he was doing real good.

But I think he may have been
taken by somebody.

By whom?

I don't know. I mean, I ain't sure.

Well, that's not very forthcoming of you.

- Chow, you're up.
- No, no. Chill out. Shit.

I think it...

I think it was...

...Jason Stackhouse.

Jason Stackhouse?

Sookie's brother. Could be fun?

Fun, yes. But also stupid.

Sookie is too important to us.

That is true.

Sadly, this information
is of no use to me.

Not now, anyway.

I understand dealers of vampire blood...

...sometimes trade product
with one another across state lines.

Any buyers in the Dallas area?

Yes, one.

He never gave me his name though.

I have an e-mail address:

Pussylover9@shemale.com.

A friend of mine in the Dallas area,
his name is Godric, has gone missing.

Now, while the circumstances
of his disappearance are unclear...

...it stands to reason
his blood would be very valuable...

...as he's over twice my age
and 10 times the vampire I will ever be.

Oh, Eric, you don't do humble well.

I was not being humble,
this happens to be true.

Your associate, this "pussylover."

Has he or she mentioned
any new product coming on the market?

No. No.

And I would tell you. You know that.

Chow, take our guest
and lock him back up.

Fuck that!
I ain't going back.

- I gave you everything!
- You gave me nothing!

I'm not going back!

Chow, now.

No! No!

I gave you everything!

I ain't going back down! No!

Hi there.

Luke McDonald.
No relation to the restaurant.

Okay.

Any relation to the farm?

What farm?

Never mind.

Jason Stackhouse. Nice to meet you.

You play ball?

Oh, yeah.

What position?

QB one, actually.

Tight end. Second team all-American.

I don't doubt it, man. Look at you.
You'd make one hell of a target.

I'd have locked onto you.

Yeah, you would have.

Blew my knee out,
freshman year at college.

Texas A&M.

You had the scholarship and everything?

Yup. Everything happens for a reason.

If it weren't for my knee,
I'd have never found my true calling.

And it might have taken me
three solid years of Bible study...

...and abstinence
and applying and reapplying to do it...

...but it was all worth it.

It all led me to this moment right here,
getting on this here bus.

Yeah.

How about you?

When did you set your heart on going
to the leadership conference?

Two days ago.

- Two days ago?
- Yeah.

Well, I didn't know about it till then. I was
having breakfast with Steve and Sarah...

...and they asked me
if I wanted to come.

You had breakfast with Steve and Sarah?

Yeah.

What?

I'll tell you what. With luck like yours,
maybe some of it will rub off on me.

You wanna bunk together?

- Shit, yeah.
- Don't say "shit."

- Shit?
- No, it's okay.

- Right.
- It's okay. Forgive yourself.

Let's sing.

Oh, hey. I was wondering
when you were gonna wake up.

Come here.

- What?
- You smell nasty and nice...

...all at the same time.

Okay.

So when I was going to sleep
last night...

...I realized
I don't know that much about you.

And I kind of want to before...

When it comes to men, I've got a history
of putting the cart so far out in front...

...that the horse can't see it.
So now I'm just trying to get it right.

You like me, Tara.

- No, I know you do.
- Of course I like you.

Take a shower in your sweat, if I could.

Okay.

Well, then, I mean, we've known each other
for what now, a couple weeks?

I mean, people usually take years
unloading their baggage.

- I'm trying to figure out what's the rush.
- The rush is I was just curious.

Now I see how bad you want to avoid it,
I ain't just curious anymore, I'm worried.

Okay. I don't have a job.

I already figured that out.

Get to the good stuff.

Okay.

The day we met...

...remember I told you I was worse off
than you when Maryann found me?

Well, the truth is I was...

...living under a freeway overpass
without a penny in my pocket.

That's a penny I still
don't have today, by the way.

I don't care about money.

I spent some time in prison.

What for?

Drugs.

Possession or dealing?

I gotta pick one?

Okay.

Colorful.

And I also served some time
for armed robbery and assault.

But I got out early on the assault charge
for good behavior, so...

That's a plus.

Hey, you wanted to know.

Our own Mary Simmons
spoke to the parents...

...at their home in Shreveport
earlier today.

If anyone has seen our daughter...

...or even if you're the person
who took her...

...she's our first-born.

And she's a goodhearted, smart girl...

...who's never done anything to harm
anybody. So please just bring her home.

We just want to see our baby again.

Another harrowing appeal
from young Jessica Hamby's mother.

Our hearts and prayers
go out to her entire family tonight...

...as I'm sure yours do too. Back to you.

And so it is with open arms
that Steve and I welcome all of you...

...to the Light of Day
leadership conference.

Tomorrow's leaders today.

Amanda will be coming around
with your ring of honesty.

Your ring symbolizes the promise...

...we ask you to keep.
- Welcome.

- To us and to yourselves.
- Thank you.

That you will always be
completely honest and open...

...while here on this campus.

Also, bear in mind
that your ring is made out of real silver.

So protect it with all your heart.

And maybe one day,
your ring will protect you.

Die, fangers!

Now, some of you
already have friends here...

...but most of you probably don't.
And this is nothing to worry about.

Because you will all be fast friends...

...as you all have one thing in common.

Because for every one of you...

...today is the day his holy light
begins to shine on you.

Amen.

Amen, brother!

- Amen.
- That's right, reverend.

Oh, whoopsy darn it.

You'll get the hang of it.

Shoot.

- You're late.
- Sorry.

How about me? Am I on time?

I'm gonna go punch in.

I was in and out of here so fast last night,
I barely got a look at the place. It's...

It's so...

Vibrant.

Well, thanks for your concern,
but there's a big rodeo in Monroe today.

So that's why we're slow.

Well, Tara says
the food here is wonderful...

...so let's see what I'm in the mood for.

- My first table. Wish me luck.
- You know what, Daphne? I got this one.

- Are you sure?
- You just...

You just focus
on one thing at a time. Okay?

Any of you guys
pick those up the other day?

Stop fucking with me.

Tableside visit from the owner himself.
I must be important.

I want you to leave.

You're not really
gonna refuse me service, are you?

I mean, after I forgave you
a hundred-thousand dollar loan...

...the least you could do
is let me buy myself some lunch.

What can I get you?

I think I will go with...

...the stuffed snapper
with the crawfish topping...

...the blackened rib eye,
the red beans and rice...

...the fried catfish, and... Oh, dear.

Now, would it be possible to get
the smothered pork chops for lunch...

...even though it's listed here
under the dinner entrées?

Now, how are your...?

Hallelujah!

That's how you capture the flag.

Luke.

Go, go, go!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Capture that.

All right, let's see some hustle!

I wanna see a flag get captured.

Here comes Stackhouse. He's back.

Yeah.

- I see you. Come on.
- Right there.

Yeah!

Bring it in, guys.

That's what I'm talking about.

- Hey.
- Sookie, what are you doing here?

- I thought it was your day off.
- It is.

How many times I have to tell you coming
in when you don't have to is pathetic?

It's like going to school
and visiting teachers.

I didn't come to see my teachers,
I came to see you. So come on.

- Take a break.
- Sam will be pissed.

- He's always pissed.
- When I don't have order...

- I'm losing it, Sam.
- Terry, come on. What is this?

It ain't my fault. How the hell
am I supposed to read her writing?

Daphne.

Daphne!

Motherfucker.

So basically, you're, like,
a stepmother to a vampire?

Okay, you did not just call me that.

- What about you? How have you been?
- Oh, Sook.

- I'm confused.
- About what?

You know I've been living at Maryann's
for the last couple weeks?

I do.

Well, in a lot of ways,
I don't ever wanna leave.

I mean, everything
is taken care of for me there.

My bed gets made,
my laundry gets done...

...there's breakfast on the patio
served to you by a chef.

- Can I move in?
- Seriously, right?

But it scares me too.

And maybe that's just because
I'm not used to taking and not giving...

...but something inside me says,
"This is weird, Tara. Don't trust it."

What do you think?

Does all this sound
too good to be true to you?

I think before I answer that...

...I have to tell you I may have
a conflict of interest in all this.

- Conflict of interest?
- Yeah.

See, the main reason
I came to see you today was...

Tara Thornton,
would you like to move in with me?

Really? Are you serious?

Of course I'm serious.
It would be so much fun.

We know we get along. When we were kids,
you slept over more often than you didn't...

...and we never wanted to pull
each other's hair out.

That's where you're wrong.
I was always jealous of your hair.

- I thought about cutting it while you slept.
- You did not.

Oh, yes, I did.

So...? So, what do you think?

Because I've been trying
to get my act together...

...to move into Gran's room
for the past couple weeks...

...and your moving in might be
the kick in the butt I need to do it.

Daphne!

That's right on my feet.
How am I supposed to ignore that?

- I'm sorry.
- Lf you wanna make it to Bill's tonight...

...get out of here
before Sam asks you to stay.

You're probably right.

Hi, Sam. Bye, Sam.

Is this the infamous Sookie?

Sookie, Maryann. Maryann, Sookie.

- It's nice to meet you.
- Oh, likewise.

Oh, you're very special, you know.

I mean, to have been through
everything you have in your life...

...not to mention the last few weeks,
and to emerge from it walking...

...let alone smiling, it's...

Well, it's simply astonishing.

I see what you mean about her, Tara.

She has an old soul, doesn't she?

I'm sorry. I'm usually good
at placing people's accents...

...but yours I can't get a handle on.
Where are you from?

Cape Cod.

Best potato chips in the world.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat,
but I'm running late.

Tara, let me know what you decide
about moving in, all right?

Because I think it'd be really great.

She asked you to move in with her?
That was awfully nice.

Yeah, but I don't know
what I'm doing, so...

No.

- Who the fuck are you?
- Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Well?

It's daytime. Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, God. You're human, right?

Kind of. But I ain't letting you go,
if that's what you're thinking.

Well, look at you.

Not only is you sexy...

...but you can read minds too. That getting
me all riled up in my nether regions.

Don't you try and flirt with me.

They told me to pay special attention
to the faggot drag queen in the basement.

Skank-ass bitch,
you gonna let me out of here!

I do that, I'm good as dead,
and you know it. Don't you move.

You ain't gonna shoot me,
not with them shaky-ass hands.

You ain't got the stomach for it.

Bitch.

Holy fucker.

I'm sorry.

I'm so fucking sorry.

I hate guns!

Hey! Hey! I'm the one who got shot.

Will you quit screaming and get me
a towel before I bleed the fuck out?

Okay.

Goddamn.

Hurry up!

Motherfucker.

These are all dirty.

Just give me the fucking towel.

- Yeah, yeah. All right.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Praise Jesus.

In his name!

Praise him.

Oh, yeah.

One more!

- Praise Jesus!
- Thank you, everybody. Honesty.

Honesty, babe.

Let's hear it again
for our very own Amanda Jane.

- You did very good, honey.
- Amen.

- Excellent.
- Praise Jesus.

- Honesty.
- That was "Jesus Asked Me Out Today."

And it's on her new album,
which drops next Tuesday, is that right?

Yes. Look for it at Wal-Mart,
Target, Costco.

And the single's already available
for downloading on iTunes.

So check it out.

Thank you. Thank you.

- We love you, Amanda!
- Yeah!

You hate to have to follow that.

All right. Go on, go on, sit down.

All right, now, finally tonight,
we're gonna wind things down...

...with a little game, which,
while fun, should also be instructive.

Because as each of you
heads out into the world...

...at some point, you will be faced
with real-life encounters...

...with vampire sympathizers.

- Traitor!
- Un-American!

It's just not right!

And we wanna make sure
that you're ready.

So, Sarah, honey,
can you come on up here, please?

Now, I'm gonna ask my beautiful bride
to play the part of the sympathizer.

Oh, come on, y'all, it's just pretend.

And Jason Stackhouse.

Why don't you come on up
and play the part of the good guy?

Me?

Well, you captured the flag, didn't you?

- Yeah!
- Yeah, Stackhouse!

You the man, Jason!

A gutsy guy right there.

Get up there.

Hello?

I just saw my parents on TV.

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

I finally get why they never wanted me
to watch it in the first place.

It's horrible.

- Where's Bill?
- I have no idea.

All he told me was:

"Jessica, I have errands to run.
Errands which do not require your presence.

So remain here and do your best
to stay out of trouble while I'm gone."

And I hate it here. I hate it so much.

Jessica.

I...

- I think I miss them.
- Your parents?

And my little sister.

Who I was always...

...totally horrible to...

...and I was just such a brat and...

- Wait, what's wrong with me?
- Sweetie, vampires don't cry regular tears.

So when you cry,
you're gonna cry blood from now on.

Well, why do you know that and I don't?

I mean, don't you think
I should know this about myself?

Bill should probably have told you.

Jeez, you think?

Here's some tissue.

Look, I don't know if it helps at all,
but I think I kind of know how you feel.

- At least a little.
- No, you don't.

I'm not saying it's the same...

...but I lost my gran a few weeks ago,
and she was everything to me.

Everything I knew, and now she's gone.

But grandparents are supposed to die,
and you're still alive.

I mean, with me, I'm the one that's dead.

It doesn't really matter who's dead.

When people love each other...

...and then suddenly one of them isn't there
anymore, it's the distance that hurts.

And the distance is the same
no matter who's doing the leaving.

What do you do when you feel
so far away you can't stand it?

Well, sometimes I'll go into her room
and just sit there a spell.

That helps?

I don't know why,
but just being someplace...

...where she's been...

...it makes me feel better,
at least a little bit.

You think maybe you could drive me
to my parents' so that I could...

I did not mean to...
You know I can't do that.

Please.
I would just sit in the car, I swear.

All I'm asking is to sit across the street...

...and catch a glimpse of them
through the window.

Just so I can say goodbye.

I'm sorry. It's just not my place.
But if you explained it to Bill...

...the same way you just explained it
to me, I'm sure he'd take you.

Are you really sure about that?

Because I'm not so sure he would.

- Okay.
- Really?

Yes. But we're just driving by,
and that's it.

And we should swing by my place
and get you a change of clothes...

...because I am not taking you
out in public like that.

Thank you, Sookie.
Thank you so, so, much.

Oh, don't mention it.

To Bill...

...ever.

- I like this one, Dad.
- Fine, go try it on.

You look positively lost.

Yes, I do feel a little at sea.

I can help you pick something out
if you'd like.

You're looking for your daughter?

Yes. My daughter, Jessica.

Such a pretty name.

What do you think of this?

It's very nice, but I don't think so.

My, we are conservative, aren't we?

No, not really. Just old-fashioned.

Don't be silly.

You don't look old enough
to be old-fashioned.

- Not by a long shot.
- You'd be surprised.

You're funny. And cold.

Well, you're not...?

I am vampire, yes.

Tell you what.

Why don't you come with me
to the dressing room...

...and I could model this for you?

That's very kind of you,
but no, thank you.

- You sure, now?
- I am.

Good evening, old sport.

Eric?

It's the new me.

You like?

I do. Very much.

Okay.

We need to talk.

Listen, lady, if you're gonna give them
all the rights normal people have...

...then how am I supposed to protect
my sweet little girl...

...from any vampire who wants to just
fly on in and marry her?

- Yeah.
- You have a daughter?

Well, I was a pretty bad boy...

...up until the Light of Day
leadership conference.

So, yeah,
it's entirely possible that I could.

Well, I don't give a hoot
about your daughter.

In fact, nothing you say
about vampire rights...

...is gonna change my mind.

Because...

...I am a vampire.

Hey!

I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

Hey, you all right?

- It's okay.
- You all right?

Yeah.

I got another deluxe,
I can't guarantee that it's cooked.

Oh, honey, you are sweating
like a ice-water pitcher.

I'm feeling the pressure, Arlene.
I don't like feeling the pressure.

Well, when was your last break?

I ain't taken one.

I'm coming around there.

Daphne, order up!

Fucking...

- Give me your tongs.
- I'm fine.

Give me your tongs.

Taking a break.

Be a doll,
take that out to Table 4 for me.

Okay. Which one's Table 4 again?

Well, I'll find it. I'll find it.

- She ain't working out.
- Nope.

It's funny. Most of these orders
are going out to Table 4.

What the hell's going on at Table 4?

Miss, miss. I think you're looking for me.

I'd have stood there all night
if you hadn't noticed me.

- So thanks.
- Are you new here?

How could you tell?

Because you care about doing a good job.
Now, you just keep on caring...

...and one day
you will be the best at what you do.

That's my advice.

Don't you think you've had enough?

I know what you're thinking.

Nine years sober.

Why give it all up?

Well, what I got to say to that is...

...why the hell not?

Because the people in this town
don't need to see you this way.

The people in this town don't see me.

Not for what I really am.

Well, how about you quit
feeling sorry for yourself and suck it up?

You want respect from people,
start by respecting yourself.

Bud took me off a case, Sam.

I don't know about you,
but in my book that's a capital demotion.

Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't know that.

I'll get back on the right path tomorrow,
but tonight just...

...don't cut me off, all right?

No problem.

One of the things I set out to do
when I opened up here...

...was to have a place
where you could come, get a drink...

...nobody would bother you to dance.

I am with you there.

I hate to dance.

This one time,
I was in a club in Shreveport...

...and I actually had a woman tell me...

...I looked like a epileptic on meth.

Never again, Sam.

Never again.

The sheriff of Area 9 in Texas
has gone missing.

Have you heard about that?

I hadn't, but I know the vampire of whom
you speak. His name is Godric, correct?

Indeed.

It goes without saying
he needs to be found.

Which is where Sookie comes in.

No.

As she's yours, I'm asking your permission
to take her with me to Dallas.

Eric, you can do
whatever you want with me...

...but I am not putting her
in this position anymore.

I cannot and will not allow you
to bring her into these matters.

We made a deal, your human and I.

That if I didn't kill anyone,
she would work for me as often as I like.

Now, you remember this, don't you?
You were there.

Taking her across state lines is a far cry
from taking her to Fangtasia for the evening.

I'm only asking your permission
out of respect.

If I want her, I can simply take her.

Is "no" your final answer?

It is.

Poorly played, Bill.

Here, this is it. Across the street.

My daddy won't be home yet...

...but my mama and sister
should be there.

Jessica?

Yeah?

I'm sorry.

Well, why are you crying?

Because I did this to you.

If Bill hadn't...

I took your life away...

...and I know there's no way
you'll ever be able to forgive me.

It's not even right to ask.

But I had no idea
it was gonna lead to this.

I don't blame you, Sookie.

How's that even possible?

There's my sister.

Jessica!

Jessica! Get back in the car!

Hello?

You promised.

Fault: Front door.

Jessica.

Momma.

Don't cry.

- Oh, hey, Eden.
- Where were you?

It doesn't matter. Just call your father...

...and tell him that Jessica's home.

Momma, I'd like to introduce you to my...

My friend. This is Sookie.

Hello, Sookie.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for bringing her back.

You're welcome.

Aren't you gonna invite us in?

What? No, no, we can't stay.

Honey, your arm's like ice.

Come on in and I'll make you some tea.

Come on.

What just walked through that door?

Trouble.

- Hey, Tara.
- Eggs, I'm working.

I know. And I'm sorry.
I got something to say...

...and I want you to hear me out.
- I'll hear you out.

Jane Bodehouse.
You are a crazy-ass drunk...

...but normally you wait
for some loser to hit on you.

What the hell has gotten into you?

I don't know.

Okay. What?

All right, listen.

My dad left us when I was a little kid.

So I don't remember shit
about him except this.

He used to always say,
"You can't get what you want in life...

...so in order to get it,
you have to appear not to want it."

Well, I say fuck that.

I wanna be with you, Tara,
and I refuse to pretend I don't.

Detective Bellefleur,
you come dance with me.

I don't dance.

With me you do. Come on. Come on!

What the hell. It's my last night drinking.

You think you walk on water, don't you?

I'm pretty sure that was Moses.

No, it was Jesus.

Moses parted the Red Sea.

And what the hell was the deal with you
snapping the American flag in half...

...like you some Muslim Buffy with a dick?
That's all kinds of messed up.

Well, I'm sorry you didn't like it, Mac,
but everyone else...

Your being here is a joke, Stackhouse.

They may not see it now, but they will.

Day one might have went to you.

Day two belongs to the Luke-inator.

Die, fanger!

- Vampire sympathizer.
- Jason Stackhouse, you're a tool of Satan.

You brought me Tru Blood.

- Traitor.
- Turn your back on Jesus.

Just drink.

Jason Stackhouse.

They may not see it now, but they will.

Goddamn it.

- What the fuck is going on out there?
- I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm talking about the dancing and the
people nearly having sex on the pool table?

I don't know what to tell you. People came
back from the rodeo in a good mood?

Damn it, Maryann, this is my bar,
these are my people, this is my town!

Don't do that.
I've seen you do that before.

Maryann.

Stop it. You can't...

Abracadabra, Sam.

What I just did to you,
I can do anytime, anywhere.

So unless you want your customers
to know your little secret...

...you better think twice
before you threaten me.

Do we understand each other?

I don't normally cuss,
but you have completely fucked me here.

I know, and I'm sorry, but I swear
it was like it wasn't even me doing it.

It must be all those new vampire
impulse-control issues.

Fuck your impulse-control issues.

Here's some sandwiches.
Mom's still making tea.

Oh, thanks, Eden.

- Thank you.
- Eden, you already had dinner.

- Don't touch those sandwiches.
- You're pretty.

Why, that's awful nice of you.

And you're very pretty yourself.

No, I'm not.

Got a problem with hair.

Fault: Front door.

- How could you do this?
- Daddy.

Do you have any idea
what you put your mother through?

- Why, Jessica? You tell me why!
- Mr. Hamby!

Or I will make you tell me!

Go ahead, Daddy. Get your belt.

But this time, I'll be ready for you.

How much blood do you think he's lost?

Oh, I still think he has something to offer.

I hate to let it all go to waste like this.
Seems a shame we have to wait for Eric.

Yeah, maybe one day you'll be sheriff
and you can make the rules.

- I doubt that.
- Me too.

Sorry to keep you waiting for so long.

How's the leg?

It's shitty. Thanks for asking.

After all your proclamations about what
a model prisoner you were going to be...

...you had to try to escape.

- You were gonna kill me anyway, right?
- Well, now you'll never know.

So, what's it gonna be, Lafayette?

Would you like the leg to kill you,
or would you prefer us to do it?

I'm gonna go with plan C.

There's a plan C?

Make me a vampire.

I beg your pardon?

And you can put me to work in the bar.

I'm a good dancer.
You seen it on my site.

Shit, I'll get up there
and move Earth and heaven, go-go style.

You are aware
there's a gaping hole in your leg?

You're damaged goods.

Not if you turn me.

I'll be good as ever.

Look, I'm already a person...

...of poor moral character,
so I'll hit the ground running.

And I damn near glamour people already.

Give me what y'all got,
and it's on and cracking.

Not only will I be a badass vampire...

...but I'll be your badass vampire.

- Interesting.
- Yeah?

I'll take it under advisement.

Pam?

Chow?

Chow time.

How could you let some bloodsucker
bite you like that?

- Mr. Hamby!
- I didn't let anybody do anything to me.

But, oh, am I glad he did.

Because now I get to homeschool you
in what it's like to be scared.

Jessica! Stop!

Jesus Christ, Sookie.
Would you shut the fuck up?

- Are you okay?
- Baby, please. This isn't you.

You don't know the first thing about me.
You're too dumb to know anything.

- Jessica!
- Oh, what?

She is dumb. She's dumber
than a sack full of hammers...

...and he's as mean as a snake.

And that's the way
it's always gonna be around here.

So I am ending it.

Right here, right now.

And I am doing it with your belt.

- Daddy?
- It's okay, baby.

Don't worry.
This will only hurt for a minute.

- Fault: Front door.
- Bill!

Jessica, let him go.

- But...
- As your maker, I command you.

God help us.

- Thank God you're here.
- Shut up.

Now, someone who lives here
must invite me in.

No, don't, he's one of them.
He'll kill us all.

- No, he won't. He's not like that.
- You.

Little girl.

Come here.

- Eden.
- Come back here!

Eden, don't.

Good girl.

Now, you listen to me.

I'm here to protect you.

You and your mother and your father.

I am your friend.

So you just invite me in...

...and I can make everything stop.

You can?

Yes.

Won't you please come in, sir?

- I'm sorry.
- Get the hell out of here.

- Bill.
- Now, so I can clean up your mess.

- Please don't kill them.
- This is your fault.

Now, get the hell out of here.