Touched by an Angel (1994–2003): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Heart of the Matter - full transcript
Monica helps a lawyer with an alleged heart condition and a quirky woman he inadvertently gave money to.
Okay, now, see there?
There's some cash, some
tax-free municipal bonds,
and a couple of trusts.
Then you got your assets.
Liquid and non-liquid.
Plus your odd dividend or two,
and several very chancy
global mutual funds.
Do I really need
to know all this?
Honey, you are plunging
into the lion's den.
You're going to be
dealing with a lawyer.
Then shouldn't I be
learning more about the law?
Oh, baby, this
isn't about the law.
It's about a man who
happens to be a lawyer
who handles estates,
wills, inheritances...
the things people leave behind
that they think are important.
The poor fella lives in fear
of anything that isn't
signed, sealed and delivered.
Oh, Tess, I wish you were here.
I never dealt with
a lawyer before.
Well, get used to it.
They make up a
lot of our business.
Now, I'm still going to be
hung up here for a while
with this TV anchorman.
I'm having a devil of a time
convincing him he's
not the Second Coming.
Now get going, baby,
and remember, God
loves lawyers, too.
Here... let me.
Hello.
I'm Monica.
I'm your new assistant.
They think I need an assistant?
Did they say I need one?
Oh, my God, they're
going to fire me.
I'm Charles Hibbard.
They're going to fire me.
I don't think so, Mr. Hibbard.
I'm toast.
May I call you "Charles"?
Ha, as long as
I'm here, I guess.
Do you enjoy estate work?
Have you had any
experience with living wills?
We're getting a lot of
living wills now, you know?
Living wills? No.
These are fascinating.
Thank you.
They're all authentic.
This is an actual
mortgage payment check
signed "Ernest Hemingway."
It's late.
It's an actual promissory note
signed by Abraham Lincoln.
Wow.
And this is my prize.
Hibbard!
Yes, Mr. MacGregor.
Did you make the
final distribution
on the Welsley estate?
Yes, I just tracked down
the last heir a minute
ago... a distant... niece.
Well, what are you standing
here for? Chop-chop.
I want this case
closed yesterday.
Take what's-her-name
and show her the ropes.
Flubber!
I'm definitely fired.
Boy, that was fun.
Coming!
Hi.
Uh, Robin Dunwoody?
Yo.
My name is Charles Hibbard.
I'm a lawyer with
MacGregor and Will.
We represent the estate
of your late Uncle Welsley.
I don't have an Uncle Welsley.
Actually, you do.
No, I don't think so.
Want a grape?
Uh, Miss Dunwoody,
whether you remember
your Uncle Welsley or not,
he remembered you in his will.
May I see some ID, please?
I have an Uncle Welsley.
$200,000?
Wow.
Uh, please sign here.
Please.
This is like the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
I've got an uncle and $200,000.
This is way cool.
Oh, look at that signature, huh?
Big round "O", curly "Y."
She'll probably put
it in straight savings
at two and one-fourth percent.
I think she's rather nice.
I'm glad that we met her.
I'm just glad that I
finally did something
to get on MacGregor's good side.
Oh, Mr. Hibbard.
Yes, yes, Mr. MacGregor?
I'd like you to meet
Robin Dunwoody.
She's been out of the
country until recently.
Robin Dunwoody?
Yeah. You idiot.
She's Welsley's niece.
You gave the money
to the wrong woman.
Oh, dear.
♪ When you walk down the road ♪
♪ Heavy burden, heavy load ♪
♪ I will rise ♪
♪ And I will walk with you ♪
♪ I'll walk with you ♪
♪ Till the sun
don't even shine ♪
♪ Walk with you ♪
♪ Every time, I tell
you I'll walk with you ♪
♪ Walk with you ♪
♪ Believe me, I'll
walk with you. ♪
Charles?
Charles, are you all right?
Charles?
M-M-Mr. MacGregor, I
don't know what to say.
I do.
You're fired.
Thank you.
I'm going to sue you
for every last dollar.
Miss Dunwoody, please,
let's not get precipitous.
Can't we just stop
payment on the check?
It's been cashed.
Oh, God.
All we need is to ask the
other Robin Dunwoody
to return the money,
and then Miss Dunwoody
can have her inheritance
and Mr. Hibbard
could get his job back.
I wouldn't bet on that.
How can he get the money back
if he doesn't work here
anymore, you idiot?
How do you propose to
retrieve the funds, Mr. Hibbard?
Uh.
Well, just give us a chance.
I can tell that Charles
has a plan brewing
right now, as we speak.
Get the money, you
can have your job back.
Thank you, Mr. MacGregor.
I can assure you, nothing
like this will ever happen again.
Never in my wildest dreams
did I imagine that another
Robin Dunwoody would...
She better be here.
She better have
the money... or...
Or what?
Or I'll be labeled an imbecile.
I'll be expelled from
MacGregor and Will.
Never again will I execute
the provisions of a living trust.
Never again will
I contest a will.
Charles, sometimes
endings are just opportunities.
Sometimes endings
are just endings.
Miss Dunwoody, I
need to speak to you.
It's urgent.
Miss Dunwoody.
It's Charles Hibbard.
There's been a slight mistake.
She don't live there no more.
What do you mean?
I saw her here yesterday.
She moved on. That's my camper.
I rent to her.
She paid up, moved out.
Gone.
She... paid up?
What are you, boyfriend?
No.
I'm a lawyer.
Lawyer, huh?
I said I don't know.
Hey, too much water.
They're all dying.
I told you.
Now what am I going to do?
How do you know
they're all dying?
They're very hearty, you know.
Sometimes they just
need a little coaxing.
Dying is dying. See?
I bet a bunch of these would
look nice in Robin's new place.
2,500 square feet.
Say 350 per square foot.
First and last month
down, a security deposit.
Oh, my.
Well, at least she
hasn't decorated yet.
Delivery for Robin Dunwoody.
Oh.
This does not bode well.
Sign here, please.
Thank you.
Hi.
Oh, hi, you guys!
Oh!
Cool! It's here!
Oh, isn't it great?
It reminds me of
an old friend of mine.
Miss Dunwoody...
do you ever lock your doors?
You know, people
get killed that way.
When I lived in Bali, we
didn't even have doors.
But thank you for asking.
Want a bite?
Am I to assume you
purchased these items with the...
with the money we
gave you yesterday?
Yes.
That was incredible.
All of my life I've
wanted to spend
an entire day in a shoe store
and not even look at the prices.
Well...
Well, I'm afraid
you're going to have
to give those back.
Yeah, I know, they make
my calves look really fat.
I have no opinion
about your calves,
but you see, you see...
There's been a
wee bit of a mistake.
That's right.
You see, you're the
wrong Robin Dunwoody.
You don't have an Uncle Welsley.
No Uncle Willy?
No.
So I'm afraid you're going to
have to give us the money back.
But you said it was mine.
Well, I thought it was.
But that's not my fault.
You made me take it.
Well, now I'm making
you give it back.
How much?
How much? All of it.
But I spent some of it.
How much?
Well... the shoes,
the hang glider,
the accordion...
When I was a little girl,
I had a kind of father
thing for Myron Floren.
You know, the guy
from Lawrence Welk?
He played the accordion.
Oh, and my sarcophagus.
I've always wanted
something Egyptian.
Did you buy any furniture?
No.
I was going to start
with the sarcophagus
and then just you
know, decorate around it.
So I guess I didn't
spend that much.
What are we talking here?
Oh, um, seven...
ty... thousand.
I'm not having a very good day.
I wouldn't say that.
You're doing fine.
Would you like
some chamomile tea?
It's very good for the nerves.
I don't want any tea. I
want my $200,000 back.
How about 130?
I want it all.
I want it all.
I want my money back.
I thought it was
Uncle Welsley's.
You don't have an Uncle Welsley.
It would have been
nice to have an uncle.
Or something.
Even somebody twice removed.
I haven't had a lot of
experience with relatives.
Well, you're going to have a
lot of experience with prison
if you don't get
that $200,000 back.
Hey, you made me take it.
I said I didn't have a...
but you said no,
I don't, but I did.
So here, here's the money.
Here's the rest of it.
You've been carrying this
money around in your purse?
What does it mean when
it's faster than you can blink?
Miss Dunwoody... Call me Robin.
Robin, I know how
disappointed you are,
but you see,
Mr. Hibbard really needs
to recover the entire
amount of money.
I know, and I would
give it back if I could,
but I told you I spent it.
Well, then we'll just
have to return everything.
Everything?
Yes, everything.
♪ I need a hand to
take the pain away ♪
♪ I can't think
about yesterday ♪
♪ I want to see, what
you're waiting for ♪
♪ Just get me to tomorrow ♪
♪ Someday I'm going
to find my way out... ♪
Idiot!
♪ Don't need a man
to make my way ♪
♪ Get me to the next day ♪
♪ Got to see ♪
♪ Got to see a way to go... ♪
I'm sorry, but there's no
food allowed in the store.
How on Earth could
one person buy so many shoes,
so many ugly shoes?
I cried because I had no shoes
until I met a man
who had no taste.
Who said that?
I did.
What are you doing, girl?
You're not going to
start prancing around
in these sexy things, are you?
No.
Tess, isn't it amazing
the different ways
people think of to
protect their feet?
That's nothing.
Look what they think of
when they start trying
to protect their hearts.
Charles?
Poor dear, I can't even
see his heart from here.
Then you just got to get closer.
Uh, let me see that one.
Which one?
Over there. That
little red number.
Hmm, I could really do
some damage in that.
And four. There you go.
$1,254 and 62 cents.
Wait a minute.
There's a pair missing.
Oops.
I can't take these back.
They've been customized.
Customized?
This is what they
should look like.
Hers have been ruined.
Where were you raised, Mars?
Listen, buddy.
I've been supporting
myself since I was 16.
This is called
independent thinking.
You ought to try it sometime.
Can't we just
prorate the return?
Absolutely not.
But the toes represent a
very small portion of the shoe.
Three, four percent, tops.
Charles, Robin needs
something to wear.
She can't walk around barefoot.
Why not? She probably
walked around nude.
Come on.
You want the rest of the
money back, don't you?
Okay... but I'm
writing this down.
Thanks, Charlie.
See that building over there?
Yeah?
I was going to rent that.
Go in to business.
Oh, dear.
Maybe some day you still can.
What will it be?
A combination Laundromat, disco.
You know how single people
are always going to Laundromats?
What better place to
meet other singles, right?
You have a drink at the bar
while you wash and
you dance while you dry.
I was going to call
it Splash Dance.
Why don't you just
call it Dance and Dry.
Oh, that's cool.
I'll think about it.
What could you have
possibly bought here?
Nothing, I paid off my
ex-boyfriend's bookie.
Maybe Smokey will give it back.
Bookie?
Maybe we should just
forget about this one.
How much did your boyfriend owe?
17,000.
$17,000?!
Yeah, $17,000.
Hey, Smoke man.
Hey.
Who's the new boyfriend?
I am not a boyfriend.
Robin, you married this?
He's not my husband, Smokey.
I just came to get
my money back.
Do you got anything to eat?
What do you mean back?
Well, you see, the
money wasn't really hers
so it wasn't really
hers to give away.
So that's supposed to
make me give it back?
You know, bookmaking is illegal.
So is putting jerks in comas.
Um, I tell you what.
One game, stripes and solids.
Give me a break.
Oh, come on.
Just a friendly game.
You don't seem very busy.
I would have taken you for
a lot of things, Mr. Smokey,
but a chicken isn't one of them.
Okay, babe, you're on.
Your break.
Solids and stripes.
Stripes and solids...
Smokey.
Okeydokey, Smokey.
Four ball, side pocket.
And the six ball, left corner,
and not forgetting my favorite,
number seven, that corner.
One and three into the corner,
into the two opposite corner,
into the five, side
pocket kissing the eight.
What are you delusional?
The cue ball is
blocked by the eight.
Whoa!
Where did you ever
learn to play like that?
Well, I once
worked in a pool hall
as a sort of security guard.
I been looking for
a woman like you.
I'd give anything to learn
how to make a shot like that.
Really?
How about $17,000?
Right.
Oh, come on.
With a trick shot like that,
a betting man could easily
make that back in a night.
I tell you what.
I'll have the money by 3:00.
You show me this shot,
I'll give you the money.
3:00 a.m.? Here?
That's when things just
start warming up, dude.
Touched By An
Angel will continue.
He's not giving the money back.
I'm going to die here.
We're sitting here
waiting for someone
to come murder us.
This was not the
way I was going to go.
Well, you've got
that all planned, huh?
Irregular heartbeat,
73% probability I'll
be gone before I'm 40.
Although the odds are going up.
When I go, I'd like
it to be meaningful.
I'd like to go saving
someone else's life.
Have you made out your will?
It's never too early, you know.
Is that all you
ever think about,
death and your job?
Death is my job.
And my job is my life.
Well, at least if
something does happen,
I'll die with my boots
on thanks to you.
Monica. Come here,
fix my vertical, will you?
How's life on the 6:00 news?
My anchorman?
That boy is going to end up
doing the farm report in Peoria
if he doesn't start
listening to old Tess.
But please, don't
get me started.
How's your lawyer?
Did you hear what he said?
He has a heart problem.
He could die.
Yes, I heard what he said.
When are you going
to learn to stop hearing
and start listening, Miss Wings?
Is he dead?
What do you mean?
What do you mean,
what do I mean?
Look over there and tell me,
is the man dead?
Well, no.
Don't you be worrying
about how much time he's got.
That's all taken care of.
You just worry about how
he spends it and with whom.
Robin?
She's got the cure to that
man's real heart trouble.
Robin?
The Lord... He moves
in mysterious ways.
You know, I was thinking,
that there's no need for
us to stay here until 3:00.
Maybe you two would
like to go someplace,
have a nice dinner,
and we could all
come back later.
Once I leave, I don't
know if I could come back.
Oh, come on, Charlie.
Let's get out of here.
Go someplace nicer.
Isn't it great?!
Oh, yeah, much better.
Come on, Charles. Live a little.
It used to be an old men's club.
Mooses, or something.
Moose.
The plural is singular.
Oh, sure, I'd love to!
Ooh!
I can't help but wonder
which one of those kids
I'm going to see
later in traction.
They're expressing themselves.
Whatever happened to the gavotte
and the minuet?
Remember the minuet?
One, two, three,
one, two, three.
Bow and curtsey.
Kept the hormones in a state
of perpetual anticipation.
Now, that's my kind of dance.
Of course in his case,
maybe he ought to do
a little less anticipating
and a little more expressing.
He will.
I hope.
Charles, you're a
madman out there!
Am I?
Yes, and you're wearing me out.
I took an Arthur Murray
dance class once.
It was great.
Come here.
That's better.
It doesn't look like
we're going to make out.
What?
I'm hungry, aren't you?
Are you always hungry?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Yes!
Wow, 1959; this is really old.
Not as old as the cheese.
So we'll just have the wine.
Would you do the honors?
Can I ask you a question?
What do you spend your money on?
I know you don't spend it
on going out to clubs
or on clothes, or...
Or sarcophagi.
Sarcophagus, Latin, plural.
Suffix.
You think I'm nuts.
I think...
How could you spend $17,000
to pay off somebody else's debt?
Okay, I never
pick the right guys,
and Tommy was definitely
one of the wrong ones.
But this time, I even
picked the wrong horse.
Randy Robin.
And Tommy lost.
So I paid it back.
Sometimes you just
got to do what feels right.
Autographs.
I collect autographs.
Like Elvis?
No, I collect rare signatures
of historical figures.
I guess you could call it...
my secret passion.
That's your secret passion, huh?
Yeah, signatures on
monetary documents.
My prized possession
is Alexander Hamilton's
personal expense diary.
Boy, was he a spendthrift.
What a waste.
Alexander Hamilton, huh?
I did a paper on
him in college once.
You did? You...
you went to college?
Yeah. Political Science.
So, you have Alexander
Hamilton's petty cash book.
Cool.
So, how much did he spend
on that gun that he used
in the duel with Aaron Burr?
Seven dollars.
Seven dollars?
You know what hurts
the most about all of this?
About what?
My... inheritance.
See, I'm an orphan.
I grew up in an orphanage.
Never had any family.
Kind of got used to thinking
that nobody was
ever going to care
what I do, you know?
And then one day
you knock on my door,
and all of a sudden I
had Uncle Welsley...
A flesh-and-blood relative.
Somebody that's
just a little bit of me.
I spent the entire day wondering
what was he like; was he nice?
Was this his whole life savings,
or just a drop in the bucket?
But you know,
that didn't matter,
because he cared
enough to share it with me.
Yeah, that's... that's
the hardest part.
Losing Uncle Willy.
That's what I called him.
So what about you?
Oh, I had lots of relatives.
Lots-Lots of them.
So many that one Christmas,
I didn't get what I
wanted under the tree,
and I ran away from
home, and nobody noticed.
What did you ask Santa for?
An adding machine.
I knew it.
Did you ever run away?
Mmm, whenever I had a bad day
I would go to my
secret hiding place
and talk with the angels.
Yeah, late at night,
I would go out the
dormitory window
and I would walk
along the roof...
until I could sit
with the angels.
And then I would
talk to them all night
until the sun came up and
rose over the coffee pot.
The coffee pot?
That's all I remember.
Just angels and
a big coffee pot.
It's funny the things
that you remember
from your childhood, huh?
And the things that you forget.
♪ That's the way love
is, that's how it goes... ♪
What time is it?
♪ That's how it goes... ♪
Monica, there you are.
It's 3:00.
Hello.
I, uh... thought you
said it warms up here.
Depends.
So, have you... got the money?
Oh, yeah.
I'll tell you what.
The chick teaches
me the shot here,
you go with Snake to his office,
he'll give you the grease.
Snake, Snake, uh... will
give me... the grease?
Yeah.
This is really nice
of you, Smokey.
Hey. You ready, babe?
I'll just go transact
my business with Mr...
Snake... and I'll...
I'll be right back.
It's really very
easy if you're at all
familiar with quantum calculus
as it pertains to geometry.
This, uh... this is your office?
This is where I
transact my business.
I, uh, I'm never going to
see that $17,000, am I?
Snake's an interesting name.
What is that, Welsh?
Hey, hey, you don't
want to go in there.
Oh, but I think that I do.
Snake, I'm very
disappointed in you.
The least you could do
is give the man a fair fight,
you know, give him
a chance, at least.
Well...
Well, this should work.
This should do.
With a few modifications.
It's a shame that we have to go
through this at
all, considering that
Robin's boyfriend never
really owed $17,000
in the first place,
did he, Smokey?
Randy Robin
didn't lose the race.
Where is the joy
of winning if you have
to cheat, Smokey, huh?
You know,
I think that ought
to do it, Charles.
Unless, of course,
Smokey here wants
to hand over the money.
I think you'll find it
in your back pocket.
Forget it.
Come on, Snake.
Let's get out of here.
I told you.
I used to be in security.
Well... it's there.
$17,000.
Only $20,000 more to go.
I... I-I can't get it.
What do you mean?
It's gone. I can't get it back.
I'm a lawyer. I can
get anything back.
Look, what if I took
out a loan or something,
and paid the rest
back a little at a time?
Mr. MacGregor wants
the money back today.
In six hours.
What did you buy, a petting zoo?
Three years of psychotherapy?
Or did you just bail
another boyfriend out of jail?!
I, um... I can't give it back.
I just can't. I'm sorry.
Charles? Charles?
Cutting it a little close
with that Snake
man, weren't you?
I know. I know.
You know I saved
your little angel butt
with that police siren?
That was you?
Nice touch.
Well, it would have been louder,
but the volume's
shot on this thing.
Tess, I'm worried about Charles.
His heart... His heart is fine.
Those are just panic attacks.
But...
He just uses that old heart
skipping a beat business
to talk himself
out of life, that's all.
Nothing's really wrong
with the man's heart,
except he's terrified
of letting it out again.
Again?
Well, what if you ran away
from home and nobody noticed?
What if you gave away
your heart and nobody cared?
Yeah, see, you're catching on.
Go on over there and do
some open-heart surgery, baby.
Charles? Charles?
Is she back?
No, Robin has gone.
But she's the only one who knows
where the last $20,000 is.
What do I do now?
Charles... Oh,
my God. This is it.
Shh, Charles, you're all right.
You're going to be just fine.
No, I'm not. I'm
having a heart attack.
Call an ambulance.
There's nothing
wrong with your heart.
That's not true. I'm dying.
Easy, Charles.
You're safe.
This is the last time
this will ever happen.
Trust me.
This isn't one of those
near-death experiences, is it?
In a way.
But where's the
tunnel? Did I miss it?
You weren't that close to dying.
And... you're?
An angel.
That would be consistent
with my experience.
And... what you
said about my heart?
Is true. You're fine.
I'm not dying?
No.
All your life you've
been afraid of life,
and if you hadn't
convinced yourself
that you were dying,
then you'd decide
you were too fat or too short,
or too anything
as long as it could
convince you to hide.
But God made you, Charles,
and He knew what He was doing.
You're not too anything
except almost too late.
If you're an angel, why
didn't you just give me
the $200,000 back
in the first place?
That would have
just saved your job.
I'm here to save
the rest of your life.
How?
Share it with Robin.
Robin?
Oh, I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
I'm an angel. I know
about these things.
She's absolutely wrong.
She's wild. She's unpredictable.
She-she doesn't have
any major medical
or any kind of
retirement package.
She's impulsive, and...
And I'm going to miss her.
I don't even know
how to find her.
Where would you
go if you were hurt?
I did hurt her, didn't I?
Do you remember
the Christmas that you ran away
and a nice lady came and helped
show you the way back home?
You?
No.
My friend, Tess.
But can you remember
where she found you?
I was hiding in my
secret hiding place
under the 11th Street Bridge.
Everybody has a hiding place.
Robin said she used to hide...
That's it.
I know where she's hiding.
Angels.
See? Facing east toward the sun.
That's the orphanage.
She said she used to
crawl out the window
and sit with the angels
and watch the sun come up
over the coffee pot, over there.
See, that new building?
There used to be an
old coffee company there
with a big billboard
on top with a coffee pot
that poured real coffee
and had steam and everything.
That's where the sun would rise.
Come on.
Oh, of course.
It scared us half to death
whenever we caught her
up there with those angels.
I don't know how many
times we forbade her, but, well,
Robin has always been
a headstrong young lady.
I can imagine. Have you...
And as I remember,
she even named them.
There was Moe,
Curly, Larry and Shemp.
Shemp was her favorite.
Yes, well, have you seen...
Oh, what a joy
she's grown up to be.
She does volunteer work here.
Tutoring, mostly.
But she plays with
the younger children
and helps in the kitchen
whenever she can.
Have you seen her lately?
Just yesterday.
She came with an
answer to our prayers.
$20,000.
Enough to remodel our kitchen
and keep our lunch
program going,
which we desperately needed.
What a blessing
that must have been.
Oh, it was a miracle.
It was Robin.
Now, what can I help you with?
Well, we were just
wondering if Robin...
Well, actually, we...
we don't need anything.
Thank you, Sister.
Thank you very much
Sister Mary Francis.
My pleasure.
Uh... have we met
somewhere before?
Charles, where you going?
I don't know. I don't care.
You were wrong.
God was wrong.
She's not the right kind
of woman for me at all.
What kind of woman gives
away $20,000 like that?
A great woman.
A really great woman.
Too great for me.
No, I don't believe that.
And neither does she.
When did a living will
ever make you
feel like that, hmm?
Which one is Shemp?
This one.
I'm sorry about
what I said last night.
I didn't mean it.
I just got scared.
I don't blame you.
You could lose your job.
It doesn't matter.
I'm quitting.
Sorry about the $20,000.
Don't worry.
It's covered.
How?
I'm going to sell
my Alexander
Hamilton expense book.
You don't have to do that.
Sometimes you just
got to do what feels right.
Wow.
It's worth 20 thou, huh?
Actually... it's worth 40.
So...
I thought I'd use the rest of it
to open up a Dance and Dry.
Oh, yeah?
With you.
I mean, if that sort of thing
interests you.
There's sound reasoning for it.
On the other hand...
I love you.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Splash Dance.
Dance and Dry.
We'll discuss it.
♪ You're feeling low
and, oh, so small ♪
♪ Then suddenly,
you're eight feet tall ♪
♪ She just walked in the room ♪
♪ And the gloomy
room just glows ♪
♪ That's the way love is ♪
♪ That's how it goes ♪
♪ That's how it goes. ♪
There's some cash, some
tax-free municipal bonds,
and a couple of trusts.
Then you got your assets.
Liquid and non-liquid.
Plus your odd dividend or two,
and several very chancy
global mutual funds.
Do I really need
to know all this?
Honey, you are plunging
into the lion's den.
You're going to be
dealing with a lawyer.
Then shouldn't I be
learning more about the law?
Oh, baby, this
isn't about the law.
It's about a man who
happens to be a lawyer
who handles estates,
wills, inheritances...
the things people leave behind
that they think are important.
The poor fella lives in fear
of anything that isn't
signed, sealed and delivered.
Oh, Tess, I wish you were here.
I never dealt with
a lawyer before.
Well, get used to it.
They make up a
lot of our business.
Now, I'm still going to be
hung up here for a while
with this TV anchorman.
I'm having a devil of a time
convincing him he's
not the Second Coming.
Now get going, baby,
and remember, God
loves lawyers, too.
Here... let me.
Hello.
I'm Monica.
I'm your new assistant.
They think I need an assistant?
Did they say I need one?
Oh, my God, they're
going to fire me.
I'm Charles Hibbard.
They're going to fire me.
I don't think so, Mr. Hibbard.
I'm toast.
May I call you "Charles"?
Ha, as long as
I'm here, I guess.
Do you enjoy estate work?
Have you had any
experience with living wills?
We're getting a lot of
living wills now, you know?
Living wills? No.
These are fascinating.
Thank you.
They're all authentic.
This is an actual
mortgage payment check
signed "Ernest Hemingway."
It's late.
It's an actual promissory note
signed by Abraham Lincoln.
Wow.
And this is my prize.
Hibbard!
Yes, Mr. MacGregor.
Did you make the
final distribution
on the Welsley estate?
Yes, I just tracked down
the last heir a minute
ago... a distant... niece.
Well, what are you standing
here for? Chop-chop.
I want this case
closed yesterday.
Take what's-her-name
and show her the ropes.
Flubber!
I'm definitely fired.
Boy, that was fun.
Coming!
Hi.
Uh, Robin Dunwoody?
Yo.
My name is Charles Hibbard.
I'm a lawyer with
MacGregor and Will.
We represent the estate
of your late Uncle Welsley.
I don't have an Uncle Welsley.
Actually, you do.
No, I don't think so.
Want a grape?
Uh, Miss Dunwoody,
whether you remember
your Uncle Welsley or not,
he remembered you in his will.
May I see some ID, please?
I have an Uncle Welsley.
$200,000?
Wow.
Uh, please sign here.
Please.
This is like the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
I've got an uncle and $200,000.
This is way cool.
Oh, look at that signature, huh?
Big round "O", curly "Y."
She'll probably put
it in straight savings
at two and one-fourth percent.
I think she's rather nice.
I'm glad that we met her.
I'm just glad that I
finally did something
to get on MacGregor's good side.
Oh, Mr. Hibbard.
Yes, yes, Mr. MacGregor?
I'd like you to meet
Robin Dunwoody.
She's been out of the
country until recently.
Robin Dunwoody?
Yeah. You idiot.
She's Welsley's niece.
You gave the money
to the wrong woman.
Oh, dear.
♪ When you walk down the road ♪
♪ Heavy burden, heavy load ♪
♪ I will rise ♪
♪ And I will walk with you ♪
♪ I'll walk with you ♪
♪ Till the sun
don't even shine ♪
♪ Walk with you ♪
♪ Every time, I tell
you I'll walk with you ♪
♪ Walk with you ♪
♪ Believe me, I'll
walk with you. ♪
Charles?
Charles, are you all right?
Charles?
M-M-Mr. MacGregor, I
don't know what to say.
I do.
You're fired.
Thank you.
I'm going to sue you
for every last dollar.
Miss Dunwoody, please,
let's not get precipitous.
Can't we just stop
payment on the check?
It's been cashed.
Oh, God.
All we need is to ask the
other Robin Dunwoody
to return the money,
and then Miss Dunwoody
can have her inheritance
and Mr. Hibbard
could get his job back.
I wouldn't bet on that.
How can he get the money back
if he doesn't work here
anymore, you idiot?
How do you propose to
retrieve the funds, Mr. Hibbard?
Uh.
Well, just give us a chance.
I can tell that Charles
has a plan brewing
right now, as we speak.
Get the money, you
can have your job back.
Thank you, Mr. MacGregor.
I can assure you, nothing
like this will ever happen again.
Never in my wildest dreams
did I imagine that another
Robin Dunwoody would...
She better be here.
She better have
the money... or...
Or what?
Or I'll be labeled an imbecile.
I'll be expelled from
MacGregor and Will.
Never again will I execute
the provisions of a living trust.
Never again will
I contest a will.
Charles, sometimes
endings are just opportunities.
Sometimes endings
are just endings.
Miss Dunwoody, I
need to speak to you.
It's urgent.
Miss Dunwoody.
It's Charles Hibbard.
There's been a slight mistake.
She don't live there no more.
What do you mean?
I saw her here yesterday.
She moved on. That's my camper.
I rent to her.
She paid up, moved out.
Gone.
She... paid up?
What are you, boyfriend?
No.
I'm a lawyer.
Lawyer, huh?
I said I don't know.
Hey, too much water.
They're all dying.
I told you.
Now what am I going to do?
How do you know
they're all dying?
They're very hearty, you know.
Sometimes they just
need a little coaxing.
Dying is dying. See?
I bet a bunch of these would
look nice in Robin's new place.
2,500 square feet.
Say 350 per square foot.
First and last month
down, a security deposit.
Oh, my.
Well, at least she
hasn't decorated yet.
Delivery for Robin Dunwoody.
Oh.
This does not bode well.
Sign here, please.
Thank you.
Hi.
Oh, hi, you guys!
Oh!
Cool! It's here!
Oh, isn't it great?
It reminds me of
an old friend of mine.
Miss Dunwoody...
do you ever lock your doors?
You know, people
get killed that way.
When I lived in Bali, we
didn't even have doors.
But thank you for asking.
Want a bite?
Am I to assume you
purchased these items with the...
with the money we
gave you yesterday?
Yes.
That was incredible.
All of my life I've
wanted to spend
an entire day in a shoe store
and not even look at the prices.
Well...
Well, I'm afraid
you're going to have
to give those back.
Yeah, I know, they make
my calves look really fat.
I have no opinion
about your calves,
but you see, you see...
There's been a
wee bit of a mistake.
That's right.
You see, you're the
wrong Robin Dunwoody.
You don't have an Uncle Welsley.
No Uncle Willy?
No.
So I'm afraid you're going to
have to give us the money back.
But you said it was mine.
Well, I thought it was.
But that's not my fault.
You made me take it.
Well, now I'm making
you give it back.
How much?
How much? All of it.
But I spent some of it.
How much?
Well... the shoes,
the hang glider,
the accordion...
When I was a little girl,
I had a kind of father
thing for Myron Floren.
You know, the guy
from Lawrence Welk?
He played the accordion.
Oh, and my sarcophagus.
I've always wanted
something Egyptian.
Did you buy any furniture?
No.
I was going to start
with the sarcophagus
and then just you
know, decorate around it.
So I guess I didn't
spend that much.
What are we talking here?
Oh, um, seven...
ty... thousand.
I'm not having a very good day.
I wouldn't say that.
You're doing fine.
Would you like
some chamomile tea?
It's very good for the nerves.
I don't want any tea. I
want my $200,000 back.
How about 130?
I want it all.
I want it all.
I want my money back.
I thought it was
Uncle Welsley's.
You don't have an Uncle Welsley.
It would have been
nice to have an uncle.
Or something.
Even somebody twice removed.
I haven't had a lot of
experience with relatives.
Well, you're going to have a
lot of experience with prison
if you don't get
that $200,000 back.
Hey, you made me take it.
I said I didn't have a...
but you said no,
I don't, but I did.
So here, here's the money.
Here's the rest of it.
You've been carrying this
money around in your purse?
What does it mean when
it's faster than you can blink?
Miss Dunwoody... Call me Robin.
Robin, I know how
disappointed you are,
but you see,
Mr. Hibbard really needs
to recover the entire
amount of money.
I know, and I would
give it back if I could,
but I told you I spent it.
Well, then we'll just
have to return everything.
Everything?
Yes, everything.
♪ I need a hand to
take the pain away ♪
♪ I can't think
about yesterday ♪
♪ I want to see, what
you're waiting for ♪
♪ Just get me to tomorrow ♪
♪ Someday I'm going
to find my way out... ♪
Idiot!
♪ Don't need a man
to make my way ♪
♪ Get me to the next day ♪
♪ Got to see ♪
♪ Got to see a way to go... ♪
I'm sorry, but there's no
food allowed in the store.
How on Earth could
one person buy so many shoes,
so many ugly shoes?
I cried because I had no shoes
until I met a man
who had no taste.
Who said that?
I did.
What are you doing, girl?
You're not going to
start prancing around
in these sexy things, are you?
No.
Tess, isn't it amazing
the different ways
people think of to
protect their feet?
That's nothing.
Look what they think of
when they start trying
to protect their hearts.
Charles?
Poor dear, I can't even
see his heart from here.
Then you just got to get closer.
Uh, let me see that one.
Which one?
Over there. That
little red number.
Hmm, I could really do
some damage in that.
And four. There you go.
$1,254 and 62 cents.
Wait a minute.
There's a pair missing.
Oops.
I can't take these back.
They've been customized.
Customized?
This is what they
should look like.
Hers have been ruined.
Where were you raised, Mars?
Listen, buddy.
I've been supporting
myself since I was 16.
This is called
independent thinking.
You ought to try it sometime.
Can't we just
prorate the return?
Absolutely not.
But the toes represent a
very small portion of the shoe.
Three, four percent, tops.
Charles, Robin needs
something to wear.
She can't walk around barefoot.
Why not? She probably
walked around nude.
Come on.
You want the rest of the
money back, don't you?
Okay... but I'm
writing this down.
Thanks, Charlie.
See that building over there?
Yeah?
I was going to rent that.
Go in to business.
Oh, dear.
Maybe some day you still can.
What will it be?
A combination Laundromat, disco.
You know how single people
are always going to Laundromats?
What better place to
meet other singles, right?
You have a drink at the bar
while you wash and
you dance while you dry.
I was going to call
it Splash Dance.
Why don't you just
call it Dance and Dry.
Oh, that's cool.
I'll think about it.
What could you have
possibly bought here?
Nothing, I paid off my
ex-boyfriend's bookie.
Maybe Smokey will give it back.
Bookie?
Maybe we should just
forget about this one.
How much did your boyfriend owe?
17,000.
$17,000?!
Yeah, $17,000.
Hey, Smoke man.
Hey.
Who's the new boyfriend?
I am not a boyfriend.
Robin, you married this?
He's not my husband, Smokey.
I just came to get
my money back.
Do you got anything to eat?
What do you mean back?
Well, you see, the
money wasn't really hers
so it wasn't really
hers to give away.
So that's supposed to
make me give it back?
You know, bookmaking is illegal.
So is putting jerks in comas.
Um, I tell you what.
One game, stripes and solids.
Give me a break.
Oh, come on.
Just a friendly game.
You don't seem very busy.
I would have taken you for
a lot of things, Mr. Smokey,
but a chicken isn't one of them.
Okay, babe, you're on.
Your break.
Solids and stripes.
Stripes and solids...
Smokey.
Okeydokey, Smokey.
Four ball, side pocket.
And the six ball, left corner,
and not forgetting my favorite,
number seven, that corner.
One and three into the corner,
into the two opposite corner,
into the five, side
pocket kissing the eight.
What are you delusional?
The cue ball is
blocked by the eight.
Whoa!
Where did you ever
learn to play like that?
Well, I once
worked in a pool hall
as a sort of security guard.
I been looking for
a woman like you.
I'd give anything to learn
how to make a shot like that.
Really?
How about $17,000?
Right.
Oh, come on.
With a trick shot like that,
a betting man could easily
make that back in a night.
I tell you what.
I'll have the money by 3:00.
You show me this shot,
I'll give you the money.
3:00 a.m.? Here?
That's when things just
start warming up, dude.
Touched By An
Angel will continue.
He's not giving the money back.
I'm going to die here.
We're sitting here
waiting for someone
to come murder us.
This was not the
way I was going to go.
Well, you've got
that all planned, huh?
Irregular heartbeat,
73% probability I'll
be gone before I'm 40.
Although the odds are going up.
When I go, I'd like
it to be meaningful.
I'd like to go saving
someone else's life.
Have you made out your will?
It's never too early, you know.
Is that all you
ever think about,
death and your job?
Death is my job.
And my job is my life.
Well, at least if
something does happen,
I'll die with my boots
on thanks to you.
Monica. Come here,
fix my vertical, will you?
How's life on the 6:00 news?
My anchorman?
That boy is going to end up
doing the farm report in Peoria
if he doesn't start
listening to old Tess.
But please, don't
get me started.
How's your lawyer?
Did you hear what he said?
He has a heart problem.
He could die.
Yes, I heard what he said.
When are you going
to learn to stop hearing
and start listening, Miss Wings?
Is he dead?
What do you mean?
What do you mean,
what do I mean?
Look over there and tell me,
is the man dead?
Well, no.
Don't you be worrying
about how much time he's got.
That's all taken care of.
You just worry about how
he spends it and with whom.
Robin?
She's got the cure to that
man's real heart trouble.
Robin?
The Lord... He moves
in mysterious ways.
You know, I was thinking,
that there's no need for
us to stay here until 3:00.
Maybe you two would
like to go someplace,
have a nice dinner,
and we could all
come back later.
Once I leave, I don't
know if I could come back.
Oh, come on, Charlie.
Let's get out of here.
Go someplace nicer.
Isn't it great?!
Oh, yeah, much better.
Come on, Charles. Live a little.
It used to be an old men's club.
Mooses, or something.
Moose.
The plural is singular.
Oh, sure, I'd love to!
Ooh!
I can't help but wonder
which one of those kids
I'm going to see
later in traction.
They're expressing themselves.
Whatever happened to the gavotte
and the minuet?
Remember the minuet?
One, two, three,
one, two, three.
Bow and curtsey.
Kept the hormones in a state
of perpetual anticipation.
Now, that's my kind of dance.
Of course in his case,
maybe he ought to do
a little less anticipating
and a little more expressing.
He will.
I hope.
Charles, you're a
madman out there!
Am I?
Yes, and you're wearing me out.
I took an Arthur Murray
dance class once.
It was great.
Come here.
That's better.
It doesn't look like
we're going to make out.
What?
I'm hungry, aren't you?
Are you always hungry?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Yes!
Wow, 1959; this is really old.
Not as old as the cheese.
So we'll just have the wine.
Would you do the honors?
Can I ask you a question?
What do you spend your money on?
I know you don't spend it
on going out to clubs
or on clothes, or...
Or sarcophagi.
Sarcophagus, Latin, plural.
Suffix.
You think I'm nuts.
I think...
How could you spend $17,000
to pay off somebody else's debt?
Okay, I never
pick the right guys,
and Tommy was definitely
one of the wrong ones.
But this time, I even
picked the wrong horse.
Randy Robin.
And Tommy lost.
So I paid it back.
Sometimes you just
got to do what feels right.
Autographs.
I collect autographs.
Like Elvis?
No, I collect rare signatures
of historical figures.
I guess you could call it...
my secret passion.
That's your secret passion, huh?
Yeah, signatures on
monetary documents.
My prized possession
is Alexander Hamilton's
personal expense diary.
Boy, was he a spendthrift.
What a waste.
Alexander Hamilton, huh?
I did a paper on
him in college once.
You did? You...
you went to college?
Yeah. Political Science.
So, you have Alexander
Hamilton's petty cash book.
Cool.
So, how much did he spend
on that gun that he used
in the duel with Aaron Burr?
Seven dollars.
Seven dollars?
You know what hurts
the most about all of this?
About what?
My... inheritance.
See, I'm an orphan.
I grew up in an orphanage.
Never had any family.
Kind of got used to thinking
that nobody was
ever going to care
what I do, you know?
And then one day
you knock on my door,
and all of a sudden I
had Uncle Welsley...
A flesh-and-blood relative.
Somebody that's
just a little bit of me.
I spent the entire day wondering
what was he like; was he nice?
Was this his whole life savings,
or just a drop in the bucket?
But you know,
that didn't matter,
because he cared
enough to share it with me.
Yeah, that's... that's
the hardest part.
Losing Uncle Willy.
That's what I called him.
So what about you?
Oh, I had lots of relatives.
Lots-Lots of them.
So many that one Christmas,
I didn't get what I
wanted under the tree,
and I ran away from
home, and nobody noticed.
What did you ask Santa for?
An adding machine.
I knew it.
Did you ever run away?
Mmm, whenever I had a bad day
I would go to my
secret hiding place
and talk with the angels.
Yeah, late at night,
I would go out the
dormitory window
and I would walk
along the roof...
until I could sit
with the angels.
And then I would
talk to them all night
until the sun came up and
rose over the coffee pot.
The coffee pot?
That's all I remember.
Just angels and
a big coffee pot.
It's funny the things
that you remember
from your childhood, huh?
And the things that you forget.
♪ That's the way love
is, that's how it goes... ♪
What time is it?
♪ That's how it goes... ♪
Monica, there you are.
It's 3:00.
Hello.
I, uh... thought you
said it warms up here.
Depends.
So, have you... got the money?
Oh, yeah.
I'll tell you what.
The chick teaches
me the shot here,
you go with Snake to his office,
he'll give you the grease.
Snake, Snake, uh... will
give me... the grease?
Yeah.
This is really nice
of you, Smokey.
Hey. You ready, babe?
I'll just go transact
my business with Mr...
Snake... and I'll...
I'll be right back.
It's really very
easy if you're at all
familiar with quantum calculus
as it pertains to geometry.
This, uh... this is your office?
This is where I
transact my business.
I, uh, I'm never going to
see that $17,000, am I?
Snake's an interesting name.
What is that, Welsh?
Hey, hey, you don't
want to go in there.
Oh, but I think that I do.
Snake, I'm very
disappointed in you.
The least you could do
is give the man a fair fight,
you know, give him
a chance, at least.
Well...
Well, this should work.
This should do.
With a few modifications.
It's a shame that we have to go
through this at
all, considering that
Robin's boyfriend never
really owed $17,000
in the first place,
did he, Smokey?
Randy Robin
didn't lose the race.
Where is the joy
of winning if you have
to cheat, Smokey, huh?
You know,
I think that ought
to do it, Charles.
Unless, of course,
Smokey here wants
to hand over the money.
I think you'll find it
in your back pocket.
Forget it.
Come on, Snake.
Let's get out of here.
I told you.
I used to be in security.
Well... it's there.
$17,000.
Only $20,000 more to go.
I... I-I can't get it.
What do you mean?
It's gone. I can't get it back.
I'm a lawyer. I can
get anything back.
Look, what if I took
out a loan or something,
and paid the rest
back a little at a time?
Mr. MacGregor wants
the money back today.
In six hours.
What did you buy, a petting zoo?
Three years of psychotherapy?
Or did you just bail
another boyfriend out of jail?!
I, um... I can't give it back.
I just can't. I'm sorry.
Charles? Charles?
Cutting it a little close
with that Snake
man, weren't you?
I know. I know.
You know I saved
your little angel butt
with that police siren?
That was you?
Nice touch.
Well, it would have been louder,
but the volume's
shot on this thing.
Tess, I'm worried about Charles.
His heart... His heart is fine.
Those are just panic attacks.
But...
He just uses that old heart
skipping a beat business
to talk himself
out of life, that's all.
Nothing's really wrong
with the man's heart,
except he's terrified
of letting it out again.
Again?
Well, what if you ran away
from home and nobody noticed?
What if you gave away
your heart and nobody cared?
Yeah, see, you're catching on.
Go on over there and do
some open-heart surgery, baby.
Charles? Charles?
Is she back?
No, Robin has gone.
But she's the only one who knows
where the last $20,000 is.
What do I do now?
Charles... Oh,
my God. This is it.
Shh, Charles, you're all right.
You're going to be just fine.
No, I'm not. I'm
having a heart attack.
Call an ambulance.
There's nothing
wrong with your heart.
That's not true. I'm dying.
Easy, Charles.
You're safe.
This is the last time
this will ever happen.
Trust me.
This isn't one of those
near-death experiences, is it?
In a way.
But where's the
tunnel? Did I miss it?
You weren't that close to dying.
And... you're?
An angel.
That would be consistent
with my experience.
And... what you
said about my heart?
Is true. You're fine.
I'm not dying?
No.
All your life you've
been afraid of life,
and if you hadn't
convinced yourself
that you were dying,
then you'd decide
you were too fat or too short,
or too anything
as long as it could
convince you to hide.
But God made you, Charles,
and He knew what He was doing.
You're not too anything
except almost too late.
If you're an angel, why
didn't you just give me
the $200,000 back
in the first place?
That would have
just saved your job.
I'm here to save
the rest of your life.
How?
Share it with Robin.
Robin?
Oh, I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
I'm an angel. I know
about these things.
She's absolutely wrong.
She's wild. She's unpredictable.
She-she doesn't have
any major medical
or any kind of
retirement package.
She's impulsive, and...
And I'm going to miss her.
I don't even know
how to find her.
Where would you
go if you were hurt?
I did hurt her, didn't I?
Do you remember
the Christmas that you ran away
and a nice lady came and helped
show you the way back home?
You?
No.
My friend, Tess.
But can you remember
where she found you?
I was hiding in my
secret hiding place
under the 11th Street Bridge.
Everybody has a hiding place.
Robin said she used to hide...
That's it.
I know where she's hiding.
Angels.
See? Facing east toward the sun.
That's the orphanage.
She said she used to
crawl out the window
and sit with the angels
and watch the sun come up
over the coffee pot, over there.
See, that new building?
There used to be an
old coffee company there
with a big billboard
on top with a coffee pot
that poured real coffee
and had steam and everything.
That's where the sun would rise.
Come on.
Oh, of course.
It scared us half to death
whenever we caught her
up there with those angels.
I don't know how many
times we forbade her, but, well,
Robin has always been
a headstrong young lady.
I can imagine. Have you...
And as I remember,
she even named them.
There was Moe,
Curly, Larry and Shemp.
Shemp was her favorite.
Yes, well, have you seen...
Oh, what a joy
she's grown up to be.
She does volunteer work here.
Tutoring, mostly.
But she plays with
the younger children
and helps in the kitchen
whenever she can.
Have you seen her lately?
Just yesterday.
She came with an
answer to our prayers.
$20,000.
Enough to remodel our kitchen
and keep our lunch
program going,
which we desperately needed.
What a blessing
that must have been.
Oh, it was a miracle.
It was Robin.
Now, what can I help you with?
Well, we were just
wondering if Robin...
Well, actually, we...
we don't need anything.
Thank you, Sister.
Thank you very much
Sister Mary Francis.
My pleasure.
Uh... have we met
somewhere before?
Charles, where you going?
I don't know. I don't care.
You were wrong.
God was wrong.
She's not the right kind
of woman for me at all.
What kind of woman gives
away $20,000 like that?
A great woman.
A really great woman.
Too great for me.
No, I don't believe that.
And neither does she.
When did a living will
ever make you
feel like that, hmm?
Which one is Shemp?
This one.
I'm sorry about
what I said last night.
I didn't mean it.
I just got scared.
I don't blame you.
You could lose your job.
It doesn't matter.
I'm quitting.
Sorry about the $20,000.
Don't worry.
It's covered.
How?
I'm going to sell
my Alexander
Hamilton expense book.
You don't have to do that.
Sometimes you just
got to do what feels right.
Wow.
It's worth 20 thou, huh?
Actually... it's worth 40.
So...
I thought I'd use the rest of it
to open up a Dance and Dry.
Oh, yeah?
With you.
I mean, if that sort of thing
interests you.
There's sound reasoning for it.
On the other hand...
I love you.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Splash Dance.
Dance and Dry.
We'll discuss it.
♪ You're feeling low
and, oh, so small ♪
♪ Then suddenly,
you're eight feet tall ♪
♪ She just walked in the room ♪
♪ And the gloomy
room just glows ♪
♪ That's the way love is ♪
♪ That's how it goes ♪
♪ That's how it goes. ♪