Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 4, Episode 9 - Grand Chef Auto - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
[Chris] Last time on Total
Drama Revenge Of The Island,

our players went on a hunt
for buried treasure,

aka Gwen and Sam.

Cameron tried to hide Mike's
multiple personalities from Zoey,

but spilled the beans to Scott.

Way to keep a secret, bubble boy.

Dakota got a little
too cosy with toxic waste

and mutated into Dakotazoid.

But after Scott used
the Invincibility Statue,

Dakota got the Hurl of Shame!
Adios, mutante!

Who'll be the next hurled?
How will we injure them beforehand?

Find out the answers to these questions
and more, right now, right here,

on Total...Drama...

Revenge Of The Island!

[theme music]

♪ Tell mom and dad
I'm doing fine ♪

♪ You guys are on my mind ♪

♪ You asked me what
I wanted to be ♪

♪ Now I think the answer
is plain to see... ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna live
close to the sun ♪

♪ Oh, pack your bags
coz I've already won ♪

♪ Everything to prove,
nothing in my way ♪

♪ I'll get there one day ♪

♪ Coz I wanna be famous ♪

♪ Nananana nana nana na... ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪



[air raid siren sounding]

Good morning, campers!

Today we have
a very special treat.

-Fantasy football?

Helicopter bear hunt?

Nope. It's merge day!

No more Team Rat.

No more Team Maggot.

From now on, it's every man,
woman and Cameron for himself.

The merge. Finally.

All that team hooey was
really chafing my butt.

Lightning's been
pretty useful though.

I may keep him around a while longer
just to intimidate the others.

Chef, drop it like it's hot.


[Zoey] You crushed our cabin
with a block of solid concrete?!

I had a bunch left over from
building a monument to myself.

I call it... Mount Chrismore.

From now on, you'll all share
one tiny, cruddy little cabin.

[Zoey] But all our stuff was in there!

Yes. And because I am nice
and not heartless,

I'll help you get it out.

One McLean brand pickaxe,

children's size.

-[Cameron] Ow!

Later, taters! [laughs]



Hah! Glad that wasn't our cabin.

Ha-ha! Score one for Team Dude!

Hey, Jo, now that the
teams are disbanded...

if you want some brains
to complement your brawn,

maybe we could
make an arrangement?

Nice try, chicken legs, but
I've already got my quarterback.

We are going all the way
to the finals! 205!

Six! Seven!

Eight! Ten!

Uh... Nine.

[grunting] Come on,
give me my clothes back!

Hey, Zoey, they're probably too big

but I found an extra pair of
Brick's boots if you want them.

Aww, Mike, you are so sweet.

Especially now that you've stopped
doing those crazy characters.


Wow, you're a real lifesaver!

I don't even know how many
times Mike's saved my butt.

Mike, if you're watching this,
me and my butt thank you!

Ha... lookie-lookie.

Multiple Mike thinks
he's a ladies' man.

Hehehe... What a loser!

Scott! You can't talk about Mike's
multiple personality disorder!

He told me about that in strict aspiring
doctor-patient confidentiality.

Besides, he's got
it under control.

-Oh, does he?

Although some are harder to contain.

Every time Mike loses
his shirt, Vito pops out...

but you can't say anything! Please!

Relax, bubbles. I ain't
a squealer. That's YOUR job.

I am so bad at keeping secrets!

Challenge time!

Today, it's all about grabbing 'em and
tagging 'em. To show you how it's done,

I give you Total Drama's
favourite juvenile delinquent...


Duncan owes me
some camera time

for skipping out on
Total Drama World Tour.

So I saved an extra-painful
challenge demo just for him.

Eat dirt, McLean.

No, that's your job. First up...

the Smash and Grab!

Hidden somewhere in the mess
hall kitchen are six keys

to Chef's prized collection
of vintage go-karts.

Some drive like
well-oiled machines.

-Others... not so much.

Don't let these clowns drive my karts!
They're gonna smash 'em!

Yes... and car
crashes equals ratings!

Demo time, Duncan! Chef...

let this perp out on a day pass.

Later, losers!
[Duncan laughs]

Okay, probably shoulda
seen that coming.

Here's the deal - you help
me win today's challenge

and I won't tell Zoey the truth
about all your "funny characters".

-How do YOU know about that?!


Of all the people to find out!

Maybe I should just tell Zoey
the truth. I mean, she's chill.

She can handle multiple
personalities, right?

She won't just think I'm
some freakish weirdo, right?


[as Chester] Sure.

And my saggy old butt will
get crowned Miss Canada!

♪ Here I am... ♪

♪ Miss Canada ♪


Commence smashing
and or grabbing... NOW!

Okay, a key... where
would Chris hide a key?

Salt! [screams]

-Ready, new team-mate?
-I was born ready!

No key here. Oh, well, at least
this challenge isn't dangerous.

A-ha-ha! I bet there's a key
under here... peanuts?

Hello, increased stamina!


Mike, open that
broom closet for me.

Do it yourself!

Oh, Zooooey...!

Argh... fine!

Ooo, brooms, I'm scared.

-[muffled] Scott, you...mmmmphh!
-Nope, no keys in there.

I think I found something! Hey!

[screams] MIKE!!!


-A little help?
-[Scott] Oh, Miiiike...

Root through
this garbage... NOW.


Ooh, gross! Ew-ew-ew!


Okay... I get that we're all
going for the million bucks

but ditching me to help Scott?!

What is Mike's deal?!




Jo, I got one!
Team Dude, yeah, baby!


Jockstrap still doesn't get it.

To the boss go the spoils...
and I'm the boss.

Ergo, he should be spoiling me.

Maybe he's outlived
his usefulness after all...

Gimme that key!


Oh, yeah!





Woooah! There's a gold key?!

I found it in the garbage!

-You need to give me that key.
-Aw, come on!

Oh, Zooooey...

Pleasure doing
blackmail with ya.


You let them trash my kitchen!?

Chris, man! Do you know how long
that's going to take to clean up?!

Buddy... brother
from another mother.

Relax. It's cool.

See? I got you a new mop!


[Chris] Say hello to Challenge
Part Deux: Grand Chef Auto!

You've each been given
a can of spray paint

and a GPS map of the island.
Your mission?

Race your go-karts around the island

and be first to graffiti
tag three landmarks.

The rock wall of
Mount Looming Disaster,

The spooky tree
in the haunted forest

and the tippy top
of a giant totem pole.

Oh, and the go-karts...

You'll have to steal them...
from Chef.


The first player to completely tag
all three landmarks wins immunity

AND they get to choose
who will be eliminated!

[chuckles] All right!

And GO!

Ooh, Chef's gonna
stare us to death?!

Big deal!

Nobody touches my stuff.


[squirrels squeal]


Laser squirrels!

[electrical arcing, screams]

I love it when Chef gets mad,
don't you?

Who will survive his wrath?
Find out after the break

right here on Total Drama
Revenge Of The Island!

[lasers shooting, shouting]

Ha-ha-ha! Game over!

You're coming with me!

[squirrels chattering]

-Aaggh! They're in my hair!

Mike, cover me while
I grab my go-kart.

Aw, you gotta be kiddi--
Oh, fine.

Ow! Ow!
Ow! OW!

They're all over me and
they're biting at my nuts!

You want 'em? Go fetch!

Ugh! What the?!

-[squirrels chattering]

My first time behind the wheel!


Gold key, gold car,
that's the recipe for victory!


Giddy up!

[wheels squealing]

Huh? Hey, no fair!

Oh, I dunno.

I think you got
what you deserved!

-Gimme my key back.
-Woah, not so fast!

No take-backs on karts,
especially the poo-ier ones.

Get me to the finish line.

Move, slowpoke! Give 'er!

-Is that stick really necessary?
-Not really.

-You can't do this!
-Yeah, Lightning can't be caged!

Tell it to your prison guard.


[Chef laughs]

First landmark
and first to tag it!

Yes! Go Team Zoey!

[Cameron] Nice one, Zoey!

[Zoey] Thanks! Good luck, Cam!

Hmm, what to tag,
what to tag...?

You wait here,
I'm tagging first.

Wow, Cam!
But you don't have to--

-[horn beeps]
-You don't have to--

-All right! I'm coming!
-What? What was that?



Way to go, Jock Strap.

-Do NOT disrespect the Lightning!
-[blows whistle]

Zip it! What we need is a play.

-Can you bend these bars?
-Like straws.

-What about him?

Leave fin face to me.

Two down and I'm in the lead!

[engine revs]

-Mike! Go check if it's safe.
-Yeah, yeah.

Best... blackmail... ever.

[with effort] Sha-NNNGGGH!

-Nice... Now for that shark.
-[Lighting screams]

Nice knowing ya, shark bait!

Driver Zed, don't fail me now.

[engine revs then stalls]

Did Jo leave me behind?
On purpose?!

I have to catch up so
I can punch his lying face!

Quit chewing my butt, man!

I'll take you to Scott!

Go Team Lightning!

[Chris] Listen up!

Three landmarks
wasn't tough enough,

so I added a fourth.

It's a doozy.

A mountainside right in
the centre of the island!

Now get tagging and
don't spare the paint!

McLean out!

[tape rewinding]

[Chris tape recorded]
McLean out!

Nobody touches my stuff.

[evil laugh]

Mwah! Magnifico!

[engine revs then stalls]

Why are you still here,
bubble head?

It's a race, not art school!

[Zoey grunting]

[Zoey gasps] First to the top...
come on, come on!

Two more to tag
and I've won this thing!

Mike! Give me a boost!

Stop helping him
and help yourself!

I am, honest!

Ha-ha! In your face!


[screams] Help!!!


Zoey! Hold on!


I'm gonna need a tow
to the last landmark.

Tow yourself!
I'm helping Zoey!


I'll just get a lift
from someone else.

[as Vito] Hey, oh!
Bro, you seen Anne Maria?

-Yeah, gimme a tow and I'll show ya'.
-You got it, bro!


[revs engine, tyres squeal]


[engine revs and stalls]

[sniffing] Huh.

If I didn't know any better,
I'd swear that smells like--

Testosterone! No!

Take that, "Coach". Sha-BAM!

[Zoey] Can't...

hold on...



Hey, cool. Top of the pole!

-Thanks, Zoey!
-Can't talk.

Gotta go punch Mike. Or Vito.
Or whatever his name is!


Oh, no, I've got to stop her!

I was so busy going solo,
I forgot about Mike!

Being a good friend is way
harder then it looks.

And the winner
of Grand Chef Auto is...

Where is everyone?

Goin' for that last landmark,
the extra one that you added.

[engine revs and tyres squeal]

What "last landmark"?

Mount Chrismore!

-That Duncan is one baaaad dude.

Drive! We have
to terminate this challenge

with extreme prejudice! Yaha!

[as Vito] OK, here we go.

-Where's the club?
-Right here!


Mike, we are DONE!

Not that we ever
even started, you--



[echoes] Mike!!


-Where am I?
-[as Vito] Ey oh!

-We're all in your flipping mind!
-It's a subconscious, you salami head!

I sink it's time ve show you
who is boss!

Yeah! This shrimp keeps getting
in my way with the ladies!

[as Mike] I'm in the way?!

You guys have been pushing me
around way too long!

It's pay back time!

[fighting sounds]

Mike! What is wrong with you?!

He's fighting his multiple
personalities for control!

-Multiple personalities?!
-What is wrong with me?!

Can you hear me?! Mike!


That is IT!

I'm taking control!
Starting NOW!

-[fighting sounds]

There! That's more like it.

From now on this brain
is under new management.



Mike, are you okay?!

Better than okay. I won!

I don't know how it happened,
but somewhere in my brain,

I heard Zoey yelling and
the idea of losing my one shot

with the coolest girl ever
just made me... kinda lose it.

Zoey, listen. My "characters"...

they're not just for show, I...

-I have multiple personalities.
-Yeah, I know.

-Cameron just told me.
-[Cameron] Sorry!!

I should have told you first. I didn't
want you to think I was a total freak.

Because the real me
really likes you.

A lot.

[laughing] Are you kidding?
I love oddballs!

And you're officially
the coolest one ever!

Multiples just means
there's more Mike to love.

Score one for the Scottmeister.

[horn beeping]

-Lightning for the win!


[Chris] My face!

My beautiful
fifty-foot concrete face!

-Did you have to stop at the drive-thru?!
-[slurps drink]

Chris, I'd like to make my vote!
Jo is... OUTTA HERE!

[engine revs and stalls]

-No, no vote for you.

You fell for an obvious
prank by Duncan!

Sorry, bro, that wasn't me.


Now that...

THAT was me. [laughs]




The real final landmark
was the totem pole.

So, immunity and
today's sole vote

goes to the first person
who completely tagged it...


Scott, eliminate the
player of your choice.

-[whispers] Choose Lightning.
-No! Eliminate Jo!

He's a rat!

Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.

Who's the biggest lose-ee-oh?

-It's Mike.
-[Zoey gasps]

Thanks for towing me
to victory! [chuckles]

Mike, the toxic marshmallow
of loserdom is yours.

Well, Mike, it was
nice knowing ya.

All four of ya. Or is it five?

So hard to keep track.

Aww! And we were just finally
getting to know each other!

I have something for you
to remember me by.

It's beautiful!
I wish we had more time together.

Well, I probably have
time for a goodbye kiss.

-Or not.

Who will be the
next loser hurled?

What humiliating
challenges lie in store?

And where will I build
my next monument to me?

Find out next time on Total...


Revenge Of The Island!

[theme music]