Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 4, Episode 5 - Backstabbers Ahoy! - full transcript

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[Chris] Last time on Total Drama
Revenge Of The Island:

Ten campers went
on a scavenger hunt

that was spooky...

and very, very painful.

Anne Maria and Vito sucked face.

And just when we thought it
couldn't get any weirder,

arachni-Izzy showed up to do
an eight-legged tap dance

for a captive audience...

and her buddy, Chef.

In the end, Brick left
five team-mates behind

and volunteered for a
dishonourable discharge,



but I put him on the
opposite team instead.

Hey, it's my show,
I can do what I want.

Watch.

Aah!? Where am I?

-[Dakota screams]
-Who will ride the Hurl of Shame next?

And how many times can
I laugh at them before then?

Find out right now!

On Total Drama...

Revenge Of The Island!

[theme music]

♪ Tell mom and dad
I'm doing fine ♪

♪ You guys are on my mind ♪

♪ You asked me what
I wanted to be ♪

♪ Now I think the answer
is plain to see... ♪



♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna live
close to the sun ♪

♪ Oh, pack your bags
coz I've already won ♪

♪ Everything to prove,
nothing in my way ♪

♪ I'll get there one day ♪

♪ Coz I wanna be famous ♪

♪ Nananana nana nana na... ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

[whistling]

[snoring]

Land shark, getaway!

-[reville sounds]
-Aagh! Aagh!

My ears!

I'm up, Coach! Lightning's up!

-What's happening?
-Out of my way!

Aaahhh!

Rise and shine, soldiers!

So... how 'bout that new guy?

Man, my ears haven't rung
like that since I played

Guitar Band 9 on
maximum rockness.

[chuckling, video game sounds]

There I was on
the one-yard line

ready to score a touchdown
and win the Super Bowl,

when the new guy's
alarm clock went off!

If he wakes me up one more time like that,
he's gonna get struck by Lightning!

Show you what
I'm gonna do to Brick.

-[reville sounds]
-What the...?

[snoring]

[Mike] Alright, guys, settle down.

[as Svetlana] Stick ze landing, Svetlana.

Practice makes perfect 10.

[as Vinny]
You're going down, twinkle toes.

[as Chester]
I've had it with you punks.

[snoring]

Fascinating!

So far I've documented three
separate personalities within Mike.

He's like a walking talking
psychology textbook.

And it's a total page-turner.

Good morning,
fellow team-mate.

Need assistance
chopping wood?

You don't have to help because
you were teased a lot as a child.

-What? Who told you that?
-It's right there in your aura.

Between your bladder-control issues
and your need to be dominated.

I don't need to be dominated.
I'm large and in charge!

-[whistle blows]
-[Jo] Tennnn-hut!

Sir! Yes, sir! Agh!

Playing paddycakes with
the new playmates, huh?

Well, enjoy the honeymoon, GI Joke

cos today we're bringing the pain.

Negative that!

Your platoon
has zero morale.

That's what happens when
you lose your best soldier.

Listen, Brick for Brains.
We don't need you.

I'm a champion sprinter, shot putter
and squat thruster.

And I'm whipping the rest of these
limp noodles into shape!

How To Do A Push-Up.

Step one, lie on ground.

Step two, push up.

[straining]

[farts]

Ohhhhh.

-[stomach rumbles]
-Time to re-fuel!

[screams]

Dude...

sounds like a shaman-warlock
cast a screaming spell on you.

Lightning was robbed!

What'd they take?
Your weapons or your armour?

My protein powder!

Oh... yeah, that is...

totally worth freaking
out over... probably.

Scoopy, I will find
the monster who did this!

Lightning swears it!

New guy shows up,
protein goes AWOL.

Do the math.

There's protein in this, right?

Your chi is looking shrunken.

Chi? Which muscle is chi?

Whatever! Doesn't matter!
Lightning does NOT do shrinkage!

Gimme that!

[Chris over PA] Attention campers!

Breakfast is cutting
into precious time

that you could spend
getting injured. [chuckles]

Grab your swimsuits
and meet me at the dock.

-Pronto!
-What?!

You have ten seconds
to exit the mess hall

before I release
the raccoon.

The raccoon?

[laughter]

[roars]

[screaming]

Hey! Where ya all goin''?

Ah, well, more for Lightning.

[roaring]

What's the matter with you?
That thing could have killed us!

[chuckles] Nah, only if you
got between him and food.

Hmm? Team Rat, it still looks
like you're missing a player.

-[raccoon roars]
-[Lightning] Aaargh!

[Chris] Never mind.

Alright, here to help us get
today's competition under way,

say hello to one of our
classic competitors, Brigitte.

Let's get this over with.

Remember my contract
said "demonstration only".

Relax. No demo needed.

Just chum the water
with our intern Dakota.

And try not to get eaten.

Ew... what is this stuff?

Leftovers from last season.

Gross!

Whoa! So not cool!

Challenge part one.

Each team must get
a pair of water skis

in an underwater mission...
or drown trying.

One victim - I mean camper -

will snag the skis in
an old-school diving suit

and float them to the surface

while the rest of their
team pumps them oxygen.

First team to surface
their skis wins

and gets an advantage
in part two.

Listen up, Maggots! I'm diving.

Hey, oh!

What are you sayin'?
None of us can do it?

Jo makes a solid point.

Listen to chicken legs,
get busy pumping air

and don't make me
use my whistle.

Alright, who took my whistle?!

Men...and Dawn...

I suggest we draw straws
to see who dives.

Forget the straws, doofus.

Time to prove your loyalty
to your new platoon.

Sir! Yes, sir!

Ow!

Sir? [chuckles]

What a doofus.

Ready?

Go!

Aagh!

Tired already, soft serve?

One side!

THIS is how you pump air!

Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!

[screams]

Go Jo! Go Jo!

You better get those skis, girl!

I swear, I don't know how
I ended up kissing Anne Maria!

Sometimes I get so deep into character
that I don't know what I'm doing.

So you're like...
uh... a method actor?

Exactly!

Look... Zoey...

you're like the most
amazing girl I've ever met.

The MOST amazing?

Yeah!

And if you don't like my, um...

funny characters then
I'll totally retire them.

I don't want you
to give up acting,

but maybe just...
tone it down?

Consider it toned!

Hey! Get off the air hose, bozo!

Don't push.

Eesh... are you
wearing orange paint?

Oh, no! No!
Nobody disrespects the tan!

[as Vito] Ladies... why fight?
There's enough candy for everyone.

Candy being me.

Yah, Vito.
Gimme some sugar!

[gasps] I get the message.

FYI Mike?

That is NOT toning it down!

Princess Goody-Goody
better step off.

Vito and I are made
for each other.

This is taking forever!

I gotta whittle something.

W-where's my
lucky shark tooth?

Brick musta stole it!

Like he stole jocko's protein
and man-lady's whistle!

Brick couldn't steal
a TV in a riot.

Think about it, that
doof's been on both teams.

He knows everybody's best stuff
and he's taking it to mess with us!

As if, there's no proof that... Hey!

Where's my hairbrush?!
Oh, that is IT!

Brick's gettin' a beat down!

-[air horn sounds]
-[Chris] The Rats win the first challenge!

[screams]

Ohh...

Don't worry, Zoey,
you won't be lonely forever.

Oh, hey, Dawn.

Well, tell that to Anne Maria and Mike
or should I call him Vito.

-Trust me, Mike likes you a lot.
-How can you be so sure?

It's all over his aura.

The Mike parts of it anyway.

Really? Wait...

What do you mean
THE Mike parts?

Dawn?

Was it something I said?

I don't like to speak
badly about anyone,

but Dawn totally
creeps me out.

Reading auras,
talking to animals...

I'm not saying she's a witch,
but she might be a wizard.

The Rats are the first
to grab water skis.

Their reward:
a McLean brand speedboat

to use in part two
of the challenge.

-Sweet!
-Sha-bam!

And for the Maggots...

A totally leaky dinghy.

[moans]

Suckers!

Rat company...
you must've forgotten me!

Well, howdy... stealer.

Yes, sir!

We are stealing victory
from those Maggots!

Part two of the challenge,
a death-defying water-ski race!

The goal - be the first
to ring four bells

on these four
totally harmless buoys.

[screams]

Rude!

[chuckles]
Make that three bells.

[screams]

See, you totally got
to demo the challenge!

Who will cry for their mommy?

And whose cries will be
drowned out by explosions?

Find out when we return!

[Chris] Before the break...the Rats
got dibs on a sweet speedboat.

Which they'll need.

Meanwhile, the Maggots are
stuck dodging water mines

in a leaky dinghy that couldn't
float in a kiddie pool.

Sha-burn!

Choose three campers to
water-ski, one to drive,

and one to operate
your gull cannon!

Gull cannon?

Yeah, you heard me.

[Sam] First-person shooter! Cool.

Each team gets three chances
to shoot the bells...

or the other team...

especially the other team.

This seagull looks abnormal.

Oh, that's not a seagull.

These babies are half
seagull, half rattlesnake.

All with paralysing venom.

-[bird screeches]
-Aagh!

Whichever team rings
the most bells wins!

Oh, I'll drive.
If that's okay with everybody.

-Whatever. I'm gunning.
-I'm tannin'.

An' I'm watchin' Vito.

Ugh!

I see your anger and I like it!

Now use it to drive us
all the way to victory.

Lightning's driving!
Sha-VROOM!

Shotgun!

Been shootin' kitchen rats
with my pappy since I was six.

Guess we're skiing?

I'm more of a
floater than a skier.

[blows horn]

[engine revs]

Shazoom, baby!

We got this in the bag.

Those Maggots will
never catch up.

[chuckles] Yeah... great.

Drive faster!

It doesn't go any faster!

I think Princess Goody-Goody
is trying to sabre-tooth us.

-You mean "sabotage"?
-Whatever, Brainiac.

Don't worry, babe, I got this.

Oh, Vito, you are so the man!

[growls]

Let's see if we can
slow down those Rats.

Eat gull, losers!

Wait! We only have three gulls.
We need to save them for the bells.

Of course, but we
only need to hit two

out of three to win.

Lightning's been hit!

Lightning's been...

[chuckles]

Sweet.

Oh, no! Whoa, Lightning!
Look out for the reeds!

Ah, Rats!

[bell rings]

[screams]

-Great shot, Jo!
-That wasn't me.

-Yes!
-Nice one, Scott!

[sarcastically] Ya, woo...

Stupid gun, that shot
should have been way off.

Oh, my gosh! We're losing!
What can we do?

What we need is an Olympian.

[as Svetlana] It's time
for Svetlana to get gym-nasty!

S-s-so c-cold...!

Drag man, I guess you
better pull over. Look out!

Get away from me,
you big jerk!

Hey, my bucket!

Pro-tein...

Svetlana vill now perform
de triple pike dismount.

[bell rings]

Woah!

The Maggots are ahead!

And we lost our skis!

Blame him,
he stopped for chum.

[snoring]

Everyone, calm down.
I have a plan. Sam, you drive.

Woo-hoo!

Just like playing
Speedboat Runner on my Swii!

Brick, we'll have
to ski with Lightning.

Affirmative!

Scott, don't you dare fire any more
of those defenceless gulls!

Promise.

Starting now.

Oh, yeah! Way to go, Dawn!!

Agreed, impressive strategy, team-mate!

Look! The Rats are back in the race.

Not for long...

What?!

Stupid thing's jammed!

Oh, my gosh!
Are you okay?

Look out!

[screaming]

My thoracic vertebrae!

Those poor naked gulls!

This is worse than my class field trip
to the chicken nugget factory!

Scott, Sam, there's the last mine.

[Sam] Sweet! Get ready to level up.

No way we can win.
Winning'll ruin my plan!

So I gots to be smart.

Smart like... Ow!

One double decaf,
half caf decafin...

Oh, my gosh, Sam's
unconscious somehow!

[screaming]

-[Brick] Scott! Grab the wheel!
-I can't, I'm the gunner.

-Nice driving, Red!
-I'm so sorry, guys!

But look!
The last bell is just over there.

Time to take one for the team,
string bean!

And by take one, you mean?
Whoah!

[screaming]

[bell rings]

No explosion? Not cool.

[explosion]

Sha-BOOM. [laughs]

-Oh, yeah!
-Sweet!

Nice work, buddy.

You really came through for us,
bean sprout. Well done!

[groaning]

Man, how did that
last gull get me?

Jo had a lucky shot, I guess.

Jo?

Or the guy who shot kitchen rats
with his pappy?

Jo's gun was jammed!

The gull that hit Sam could
only have come from our boat.

I swear by the Great Earth Mother,
I will expose Scott for the traitor he is.

Or WILL you?

[snickering]

I say we boot Dawn.

She wouldn't let me fire
gulls at the Maggots.

I don't know. Brick's the one
stealing from everyone.

Thief!

What's everyone talking about?

-Nothing.
-Nothing!

Dawn... here, you forgot
this on the boat.

Oops.

Jo's whistle!

Scott's shark tooth!

My protein!

I've missed you!

Dawn?

You're a thief?

Yeah, I stole that stuff.

Threw my shark tooth
in there too.

I was gonna pin it on Brick,
but Dawn, the junk collector,

got too smart for her own good,
so I just slipped all our stuff

in her garbage bag.

Yup, there's only room on
the island for one smart guy.

-[reville sounds]
-Yaaah!

Friends, you must
listen to me!

I was framed!

Forget that!
You're gettin' a beat down!

[sounds whistle ] Back off,
helmet hair, this one's mine.

Ladies, ladies.

This is a Rat problem...

and we'll deal
with this rat tonight.

See you at elimination. [laughs]

[whines]

After an episode
bursting with betrayal,

it's the Rats who have
back-stabbed the best.

The following campers
are momentarily safe.

Brick.

Sam.

And the artist formally
known as Bucket-Head.

Sha-Bam!

And the toxic marshmallow
of loserdom goes to...

Dawn!

What?!

Wait!

You can't eliminate me
for I have found...

the McLean Invincibility Statue!

[gasps]

Where's the McLean seal of approval?

McLean seal? What? Where?

[chuckles] Sorry, fairy princess.

Looks like you dug up
one of my knockoffs.

[laughing]
I do love me some whittlin'!

OW!

I knew the universe wouldn't want me
to win such a perverse game.

Perverse, I like that.

But what the universe
does want me to do

is sell these discarded TDR
keepsakes on Krugslist,

so I can start a sanctuary for all the
poor mutant creatures on this island!

That's adorable.

Pointless but adorable.

And to my fellow victims
of reality television,

I urge you to rise up
against the soulless,

sociopathic scoundrel
hiding among you.

-Chef!
-The traitor in your midst is--

Wait! I have to
warn my team-mates!

[screams]

Whoops!

Guess they'll never know!

Or WILL they?

Find out next time on Total Drama...

Revenge Of The Island!

Uh, hello?

Somebody?

Anybody?

[theme music]