Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 2, Episode 2 - Alien Resurr-Eggtion - full transcript

Fourteen cast mates embark on an epic search for alien eggs in our alien movie-themed challenge, while Chef, a.k.a. Mama Alien, tracks their every move.

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[Chris] Last time
on "Total Drama Action"...

14 teenagers,

one engaging host,

a dilapidated film lot,

and a whole lot of coin.

Ka-ching!

Oh, and did I mention
a remote-controlled monster?

Ha-ha-ha-ha! I love this show.

Some fared better than others.

Owen ran for his life,
but didn't make it very far

until he chowed down
on fake food props



and scored the reward,
first pick of the cast trailers.

Shockingly,
Owen picked the wrong one.

The girls' hopes of victory
were crushed,

along with their new digs.

Who will be one step closer
to the million bucks?

Find out on another
thrilling episode of...

"Total Drama Action"!

♪ Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm doing fine ♪

♪ You guys are on my mind ♪

♪ You asked me
what I wanted to be ♪

♪ And now I think the answer
is plain to see ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna live
close to the sun ♪

♪ Well, pack your bags
'cause I've already won ♪



♪ Everything to prove
Nothing in my way ♪

♪ I'll get there one day ♪

♪ 'Cause I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous ♪

Keep the line moving, lovebirds.

-Mm. Mm-hm.
-Mm-mm.

More eggs and bacon for me.
Keep 'em coming, Chef.

Grrr!

Forgot how hungry
I got last year,

eating on Chris's
wrecked schedule.

I know.

Got to the point where I'd kill
for Chef's disgusting food.

-No offense, Chef.
-None taken.

You can have my burnt toast,
bigmouth.

Judging from that gut,

I thought you'd be
all over the extra carbs.

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Nice.

You can have my toast, Gwen.

Thanks, but I can't
take enemy toast.

Enemies? We're not enemies.

In this game, we're all enemies.

Except for me and Gwen.

I'll always have her back,
no matter what.

Right back at you, babe.

I'll remind you two of that
when the money's divvied up.

[Lindsay] That is so wrong.

So wrong.

In battle, we put
ketchup on everything.

Covered the taste of mortar.

My new nail polish is mortar.
Isn't it hot?

Great. It's so totally
your color.

Ugh. No eggs and bacon for
me, Chef. I'll just have this...

[retches]
...nice bowl of prunes.

[they gasp]

What?

My, uh... plumbing's
been clogged,

ever since I ate all
those fake food props.

Pressure build-up's killing me.

[rumbling]

Come on, colon,
don't fail me now!

[squeaks]

Oh, I hear bells.

Welcome to day two of...

"Total Drama Action"!

Are you gonna do that
every time?

-Yes. Yes, I will.
-All right, then.

Today's movie genre, aliens!

Our unpaid interns
have been hard at work,

figuring out what makes
an alien movie successful.

Chef?

You got three basic rules.

Aliens want to take over
the world

and start making
lots of baby aliens.

People fight back,
then the military's called in.

Yo, Chris!
Where's my paycheck at?

It's... in the mail.

Today's challenge,
find an alien egg

and return to home base
before mama alien finds you.

The two fastest get to pick
the teams this season.

Sorry, losers, but no-one knows
alien movies the way I do.

The more obscure, the better.

I'm gonna blend up
those no-good aliens

and have 'em for breakfast.

"Alien Chunks" is my favorite
alien movie of all time.

Me too. I've seen it 27 times.

-53.
-You'll be tough to beat.

But I have my lucky charm.

I love the scene
in "Alien Chunks"

where they turn the aliens
into fruity blended drinks.

I even have the necklace.

I like that movie where the
aliens take over the government.

"Take me to your leader!"

Oh, dude, you are so going down!

It was a good movie, right?
Gwen?

Uh...OK, this is
kind of awkward.

Yo, Chris!

You got some laser-shooting
monster playing mama alien?

Not quite.

You call that slime?

Make-up! More slime over here!

I hate my life.

Here are your GPS devices,

complete with maps
of the film lot.

Find the alien eggs
but be careful,

'cause today
you're all on Chef's menu.

Heh-heh-heh! Ha-ha-ha!

[bleeps]

Follow me! I know aliens. I've
been abducted loads of times.

There's a tracking device
in my neck. See?

-Does it hurt?
-Only when I hiccup.

Hic! Ow.

Ooh! Can you feel that?

It's like there's
something in there,

cold as ice, with no soul.

Thanks. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Now take that.

[screams]

I've already told
that skinny little tadpole

that things between us
aren't meant to be.

Guess he can't get over the
lusciousness that is Leshawna.

I'm pretty sure
Leshawna isn't over me yet.

I see the way she looks at me,

like she's unpantsing me
with her eyes.

Her beautiful brown eyes,

like chocolate almond... Ooh!

[bleeps]

[bloops]

How come we're the only dots
on the screen? Where's Chef?

-How did you get in our group?
-There are no groups yet.

Plus there is only
one way we can go.

Even though Heather
can be really mean,

that doesn't mean
we should be mean back, right?

Buddha says you can
lead a sheep to water,

but you can't make it nice.

That is so deep!

[slurping]

-Shh.
-[farts]

Ah, yes!

First one. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Smell it.

Sorry.

-[slurping]
-What is that?

Ever since I got my braces off,

I don't make that sound
any more.

Chris! That you?

I get blamed for everything.

It must be Chef.
You want to run?

Or you want to kick
some alien butt?

Let's kick some alien butt.

Ahem!

Trent, any thoughts?

Yeah, let's...
kick some alien butt!

So, who wants to go first?

Ha-ha! Please, please,
after you.

-[slurping]
-After you. I insist.

Don't worry, Izzy.
I'll protect you.

Waah! Oh!

Ha-ha. It's Kaleidoscope.
E-Scope for short.

Yes, sir, E-Scope sir!

Okay, let's do this.

Mama, if you're listening,

you can have my limited-edition
Raptors draft cards.

They're worth some serious coin.

I didn't suffer through
eight years of braces,

headgear, saliva spittle
and the ridicule of my peers

so I could hide from life!

You go, girl!

Watch out, alien Chef,
'cause here comes Beth!

-[they smooch]
-Oh...!

It's just Bridgette and Geoff.

Ugh. Nice. Don't you two
ever get sick of sucking face?

-Mm. Mm.
-Mm-mm.

I'm thinking that's a no.

Enough messing around.
We've got alien eggs to capture.

I wasn't worried about Chef,
alien costume or not.

I mean, I did place second
last year.

I know exactly what I'm doing.

[beeping]

Good thing we're all
lined up in a row, huh?

Yeah, ready for Chef
to pick us off one at a time.

We've really got to work
on our strategizing.

Danger! Danger!

Danger! Danger!

Danger! Danger!

Danger! Danger!

Danger! Danger!

-Let's get out of here!
-Which way do we go?

North is nice, but east
is least. West is best!

Can't argue with that.
Wouldn't even know how to.

Map says the boiler room's
east of here.

Alien eggs are always
in the boiler room.

Uh... yeah, totally. East it is.

-Where are you going?
-With you to the boiler room.

Sorry, but the lovebirds
are on their own.

In any alien flick, the kissing
couple's always the first to go.

There's no way Romeo and Juliet
are gonna ruin

my chances at a million
big ones, uh-uh.

This is it, baby.
Better make it good.

That is the most romantic thing
I've ever heard.

[Bridgette and Geoff smooch]

[Bridgette and Geoff smooch]

Everyone, snap out of it.

If we don't band together, we
are gonna lose this challenge.

-Now, who is with me?
-Uh, it's hard to say.

Um...does being with you
imply some sort of an alliance?

'Cause we don't like you.

Okay, okay,
forget being with me.

Who's willing to walk beside me,

in mutual pursuit of our goals,
with no commitment of any kind?

-I can agree to that.
-Count me in.

-[thud]
-Did anyone else hear that?

I may not be
the best-looking guy,

or the best dressed,
or the most buff,

but I get my butt kicked a lot

so my senses
are totally heightened.

I can sense when something's
coming. Nothing gets by me.

Say hello to eternity.

[Harold] I'm hit. I'm hit.

[guts rumble]

Aagh. It's time.

Take me out! I beg you!
It's an emergency!

Oh, thank you!
Oh, thank you! Make way!

[farts] Coming through!

Ah, man. I didn't think
I was gonna make it.

Ha-ha! But these bowels
never let me down.

Great job, guys.

[farts] Oh! Ha-ha!

I think there's more.
Coming through!

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

I am not going down
without a fight,

you glorified dung beetle,
lizard, whatever!

One of us isn't getting
out of here clean.

Ha-ha!

You call that a paintball gun?

This is a paintball gun.

Ha-ha! Fun! I love this game.

Okay, well, I'll just
let you two have at it.

If I can handle hand-to-paw
combat with a polar bear...

Ha-ha! I can handle a bald,
emotionally withdrawn cook

in a Halloween costume.

Who are you calling a cook?

Uh-oh. Not again.

Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha!

I thought you were dead.

Yeah, I get that a lot.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Okay.

What was that?
Where are the guts, the gore?

I'll fix it. I really should
wear camo more often.

-Mm-mm.
-Mm, mm.

I once knew a love like that.

[bleeps]

Aaah!

This is for last season,

when you put laxatives
in my brownies!

The only thing that
should give people the runs

is my undercooked meat!

Oh!

My wig!

No!

Don't look at me!

Ever since my head
was shaved last season,

my hair is growing in
all patchy and uneven.

I have tried everything,
lotions, lasers,

traditional Burmese medicine.

Oh! Loser shaman!

Um...how did we get here?

Ha-ha! If we knew,
we wouldn't be lost.

You are so smart, Justin.

And gorgeous!

-What a knockout!
-Totally gorgeous!

I hate to be the bearer
of big bad alien news,

but I think this may be a trap.

We gotta hire an effects crew.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

[they scream]

Grody!

Ooh!

Feels so...

good!

Looks even better.

You know what?
Models are people too.

We stare at them,

but they've got feelings
just like the rest of us.

They've got hopes and dreams.

My dream is to marry Justin.

My mom says that
if I concentrate really hard,

one day all of my dreams
will come true.

Wow, they look so real.

Whoo-hoo! We won! Yeah!

Not so fast. We still have to
get the eggs back to home base.

[bleep]

Quick, lower me down.

Ever heard of plastic props?

[alarm wails]

Aah!

Save yourselves!

[Chris] Attention, civilians!

The military is here
to protect you now.

Unfortunately, we can't let you
leave with any alien eggs.

But we're supposed
to take the alien eggs.

-That's what you said.
-Right, I did.

Ha-ha-ha!

Incoming!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Whoo! Glad I don't
have to clean it up.

Does this mean I'm out?

Too bad. So sad.
More money for me.

Ooh, down for the count.

Duncan is always acting
like such a tough guy.

Ooh, you've got a Mohawk.

Oh, you're so tough, bud.

Ha-ha. Yeah,
hair spray's really manly.

I love seeing Gwen
stick it to Duncan.

She's so awesome.
I'd do anything for her.

Oh, no! Our alien eggs.

-I'm on it.
-No, I'm on it.

My necklace, it's gone!

Aah!

Oh!

Uh! Got you!

I know this is gonna
sound really girly,

but I was seriously touched

when Trent chose my necklace
over the egg.

Most guys would have
gone for the win.

Personally,
I would have picked the win.

Oh...!

-Sorry about losing the egg.
-Thanks for saving my necklace.

I want you to have it for luck.
It suits you.

Girl!

You three gave it
a valiant effort.

But you're still losers.
Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Not so fast, Chris.

Looks like my good-luck charm
is working already.

Gwen, meet you at home base.

I'll get you next time! Ooh!

Can't you do anything right?

Where's my money? Hm?
Give me my money!

[they pant]

We have our two winners!

Our only two winners!

The rest of you really stink.

As our winners,

Gwen and Trent will now
be able to pick their teams,

which means

they'll be competing against
each other this season.

Oh, dude, no!

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Bet you didn't
see that one coming!

After we vote off
two cast members,

in the most thrilling
Gilded Chris ceremony yet.

[they gasp]

Yes, you heard me. I said two.

I'm liking the twos today.
Must be Tuesday.

Yeah, I don't get paid
to write this show.

[music plays]

It's time to cast your votes.

Under your seats,
you'll find your voting devices.

Just press the button of
the person you want voted off.

Oh, and no peeking
or it's "Na-na!"

♪ Na-na-na-na!
Hey, hey! Goodbye! ♪

Ha-ha-ha!

The votes have been cast.

If you get a Gilded Chris,
it means you're safe for now,

and the Gilded Chrises go to...

Trent, Gwen,

Harold, Duncan,

and Easy.

-E-Scope!
-Fine. E-Scope.

Lindsay, Justin and Beth
are also safe.

[both] Yay!

So is Owen! My man!

Ah, thanks, Chris.

Ha-ha-ha! And thanks, Chef, for
doing what the prunes couldn't.

Next is DJ.

Surprisingly, Heather.

And, last but not least...

-...Leshawna!
-Yeah!

Oops. My bad.

But-but I thought
everyone liked us.

"Liked" being
the operative word.

I know exactly who's
gonna get it this week.

[smooches]

Two words, Bridgette and Geoff.

Least they'll have each other.

Any final words?

-Mm, mm, mm, mm!
-Mm-mm, mm, mm!

-Cutest couple ever!
-Get a room already!

-Mm, mm, mm, mm!
-Mm, mm, mm, mm!

-Mm, mm!
- Mm, mm!

Who will Gwen and Trent
pick for their team?

Will Izzy ever answer
to her actual name?

Will Owen finally
get some lunch?

-[Owen] Thank you!
-Tune in next time,

for another
exciting episode of...

"Total Drama Action"!

[Closing music sequence]